2nd October 2000


My name is, my name is, my name is HeadCleaner

Single of the Week

"The Way I Am" by Eminem

Interesting. Did he write it ages ago, or was he pushed? "The Way I Am" is Marshall Mathers' response to criticism and fanwank. Or is it? If I was Sliminem and was sitting in my trailer a couple of years ago, with my masterplan spread in front of me on top of an upturned milk crate, I would have proceeded something like
  1. Write "The Way I Am"
  2. Swallow the Big Book of Cussing
  3. Release several fantastic, foul-mouthed salvos against middle-class American mediocrity
  4. Attain notoriety outwith the musical scene
  5. Release "The Way I Am"

But maybe that's doing the bleached-white trash an injustice. He certainly sounds angrier than usual, both vocally and lyrically ("I am what I say I am, if I wasn't then why would I say I am?"), and the Dre-produced backing is eerily cinematic, harking back to early Cypress Hill and other gravecore merchants of old. Less Warner Bros, more Brothers Grimm, Eminem sounds like he's meaning it, and that's good enough - especially as the lyrics display the usual genius wordplay ("I've been cursed with this curse to just curse") and the music exhibits a tangible threat of violence, paranoia and magnetism.

"Bad Influence" is the lyrical kith and kin to The Way I Am ("People say I'm a bad influence, I say the world's already fucked"), and has a spaced metal backing that pushes it in your face like a cheesegrater. "My Fault (Pizza Mix)" is back in cartoon bad boy territory, a tale of one-night stands and drug abuse, all told in dayglo colours, all the time Eminem wilier than a coyote.

The video is also here (incidentally taking ages to start playing on my PC - no doubt infecting my machine with the Fuk-U-Nerd2000 virus...), a literal take on "The Way I Am" with young Shady plunging to his suicidal death from the top of a million story tower block. But he bounces back, and with "The Way I Am" soars ever higher without signs of coming down.

Rating: 9/10

The Rest

"Plug Me In" by Add N To X

Whilst in their heads Add N To X are dangerous cybermeisters of arthouse-teledildonics, and actually believe they are bionic sex gods, in reality they are The Buggles and I claim my free pocket protector. This truth accepted however, "Plug Me In" is fun (though it wants to be dangerous), disposable (though it wants to be vital) and funny (though it wants to be furrowed-brow harbingers of the new cyber dawn). It's dirty, with all its references to plugging in and artificial stimulation, but nothing a quick wipe down with a noon-abrasive cloth wouldn't clean up.

"Murray's Space Shoes (plug me in disco remix edit)" (sic) is however fantastic, featuring animatronic replicas of the Village People pumping and flashing their floppies in a fest of camp cheesiness. It would make even Kylie blush. "Hey Double Double" is what your computer listens to whilst you're nicking stuff off Napster.

Add Add N To X to your alphabetically sorted rack of CD singles and you'll have music for geeks, by geeks, but still something strangely lovable.

Rating: 7/10

"The Greedy Ugly People" by Hefner

Fey alert! Fey alert!

In a camp-fire singalong in Ooberman Grove, Hefner lock pinkies and swing their fringes to a jingly-jangly bit of fluff about indie snobbery ("The greedy ugly people are not like us"). So inoffensive that it starts to make you want to kill puppies, "The Greedy Ugly People" is the sound of UK music skipping up it's own bottom. Make it stop.

"Everything Is Falling Apart" wheels out a slide guitar and angst-ridden lyrics in an attempt to sound credible, instead sounding incongruous and pathetic. According to the sleeve notes, Hefner admit "the second b-side on this song isn't so great but we thought it was funny at the time". Ironically, the cover of the David Soul crooner is by far and away the best thing on offer here. And it's crap.

Revolt against music like this.

Rating: 2/10

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