15th June, 1998


Hardly much to set the heather ablaze this week...perhaps British music is dead after all...

Single of the Week

"Science Fiction" by The Young Offenders

Aren't the pre-festival summer months wonderful? Record companies know people don't tend to buy many records at this time of year and bands are so busy gearing up for playing live that a half-decent single release is rarer than a witticism from Rick Witter. The Young Offenders make a damn fine stab however, with "Science Fiction", a Buzzcocks-meets-Bolan implosion of big hair and big chords. A b-movie blast about UFOs and aliens ("So maybe Martians aren't so bad"), this is the gloriously shambolic sound of teenagers telling you where to stick your pre-millenial tension. Up Uranus.

"Man Of The World" sounds as though it's been lifted straight from the worst excesses of the 70s, sung by a mime artiste wearing bell-bottoms, and is best not dwelt on too long. "Special Light" is from the same school, but graduates instead of flunking out, with its slightly happier than Suede feel. Still hardly vital though. "Rock Stars", 4 minutes in length, is 210 seconds too long.

The Young Offenders' obsession with the wrong part of the 70s is a worry. When they are doing their two-fingers and three-chords racket as on "Science Fiction" they are exciting and new. When they are doing their "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" soundtrack stuff they are offenders for all the wrong reasons.

Rating: 8/10

The Rest

"Sing-A-Long" by A

I'm getting depressed now. Whilst "Sing-A-Long" tries its damndest to be an anthem for the summer, it falls several leagues short with a whiny verse and a forgettable chorus. Although they would like to think they are the UK's answer to Rocket From The Crypt, A are more of a damp squib from the garden shed. Points for trying though, even if the singer sounds as though he's undergoing root canal work.

"I'm Over It" is better, a million mph Oi punk number that bounces up and down gleefully, before throwing up cider and blackcurrant all over the floor. Top. Bring back The Exploited now. Did I tell you I play in a band with someone that used to be in The Exploited? (What do you mean "who are the Exploited?")

"Callhimin" is the sound of a band with too much time in the studio, all moog farts and radiophonic workshop trickery. Cuts no mustard round these parts, lessen you happen to be Stereolab. "Photo Finger" is an improvement, a big bad post-punk rollercoaster that isn't afraid to sound like Sham 69, dammit. If the kids are united...

A? B-

Rating: 6/10

"Best Friend" by Ether

Fuck. The NME were right. British music is dead.

Squeaky vocals over a tune that would cause your mum to ask why you can't listen to more music like that. Put on your Exploited LPs instead and tell your mum to piss off.

"Getting Off On Television" is like a pre-pubescent Squeeze. Listen to the extra-squeaky bit in this and you too will be hammering six-inch nails into your forehead. "One Good Reason" is probably crap as well, but I didn't get past the first two jaunty chords.

Music like this makes me weep. Someone save me. Soon.

Rating: 1/10

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