17th April 2000


Got to the shops after all...

Single of the Week

"(Rock) Superstar" by Cypress Hill

Riding over the mountains in a cloud of smoke and bareback riding a riff made of razor blades, Cypress Hill blast back on the scene with this hifi-melting attack to the senses, causing the likes of Slipknot to run for their lives with their big rubber dangly bits between their legs. Distinctive nasal whine vocals trip over gigantic shards of guitar and bass in this cautionary tale about the perils of the music biz. Darker than a moonless night in Glasgow during a power cut, and twice as nasty, "(Rock) Superstar" sees the Hill shove themselves right up there with the likes of Dr Dre as essential purveyors of 21st century rap.

"Checkmate (Hang'em High remix)" blasts into the heart of similar territory, effing and blinding its way through a minefield laced with explosive guitar. "Fist Full" continues the celebrations of the shotgun wedding between rap and rock with an eerie and angry call to arms (or a call to jump around dressed like an arse, given it's taken from an LP called "WCW Mayhem - The Music"...).

CD2 proudly boasts "(Rap) Superstar" with - predictably - the big rawk riff surgically removed and thrown in the bin. "(Rap) Superstar (Instrumental)" - whilst overdosing on parentheses - chucks out the words too, leaving a spacey and goth-tinged track exposed and twitching on the operating table. "Loco En El Coco" is the Spanish version of classic "Insane In The Brain", and - with its (to me at least) incomprehensible lyrics - sounds twice as threatening as the original, like waking up penniless and naked in the middle of Mexico City at midnight.

Rating: 10/10

The Rest

"If Only" by Hanson

The young one's testicles have dropped, the singer still looks and sounds like a girl, and the older one stands around at the back looking like a plumber's mate: ladeez and gentlemen - Hanson are back. "If Only" sees the mmm-boptastic Hanson bros return to our shores, with a song that sounds exactly like their one famous hit, and some other song that I can't quite place (though I'm pretty sure I don't like). Having said that however, "If Only" is a fluffy happy thing, with nice harmonies round the edges and a chorus that is pretty hard to hate. Mmmm.

A decidedly anachronistic "JFP Club Mix" of the a-side follows, introducing the wide-eyed young lads to the delights of handbag house, disco divas that aren't all they seem, and those funny little sweeties that make you go all dopey. The end result is something between Depeche Mode, Kylie and Pinky & Perky. "Smile" is - it says here - a "non LP bonus track", which is usually single-speak for "so crap we didn't know where else to stick it". Here, it is a euphemism for a rather pedestrian song desperately trying to liven itself up with some odd bits of scratching in the middle.

The video completes the package, showing the heady delights of the goings-on in and around Hanson's tour bus, where the sex is safer than a tryst between Cliff Richard and Lara Croft, and the coke only comes in cans.

Rating: 7/10

"Theme From Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased)" by Nina Persson and David Arnold

I must confess to never having seen this show, but by all accounts it is about as exciting as finding out you've just won a year's subscription to the Reader's Digest. Nina (her out the Cardigans) Persson croons Scandically over a suitably 60s-ish technofied soundtrack that flirts its way past Bond, The Saint and The Prisoner before wearing itself out and going for a lie down.

No prizes for guessing what the instrumental version's like. "Ain't That A Kick In The Head" sees Mr Reeves don his pub singer hat and belt out a 40s big band number, completely straight. I preferred "Born Free".

Rating: 4/10

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