17th July 2000


It was either this or Louise - be thankful...

Single of the Week

"We Will Rock You" by Five

The leather-clad boy band it's ok to like if you're a bloke, covering a groin-thrusting rock classic written by a homosexual that came out so late in his career that all the poor homophobes were too filled with self-doubt about how they felt about it to shy away. God, Freud would have a field day.

You'll have heard it - it's been on the radio practically every 4 minutes. Even if you haven't, you'll know exactly how it sounds: clappy, rappy, pappy nonsense that doesn't set its sights anywhere other than to the top of the charts and the dreams of small girls (and boys...) everywhere.

The b-sides are a sonic and video pairing of a Five "Megamix", seguing "Don't Wanna Let You Go", "If Ya Gettin' Down", "Keep On Movin'" and "We Will Rock You" into one grammatically horrendous segue of top pop anthems that you know all the words to (even if you do only sing along in the shower). Oh, and there's a nice shiny poster too.

My favourite one's Jay.

Rating: 7/10

The Rest

"Taste In Men" by Placebo

Placebo are a band cursed by their front "man". Diminuitive androgynous rock prostitute Brian Molko drowns out the grinding gothic grandeur of his cohorts' musical accompaniments by screaming "look at me! me! I'm so dangerous and subversive!" at the top of his little lungs. That said, "Taste In Men" isn't too bad, and several leagues better than "Every You Every Me", but it has to be said the best bits are when Molko closes his lipsticked lips and the other two give up their instruments to the devil to play. And whilst the other two may well indeed rock you, Molko - despite his pvc-encased protestations to the contrary - is about as dangerous and subversive as Five. Less so, in fact.

"Johnny & Mary" slinks up next, a Robert Palmer cover which is a pretty pumping effort marred yet again only by Molko's whine. The "Adrian Sherwood Go Go Dub Mix" of "Taste In Men" is last, and the best thing here, precisely because of the fact that Molko's whine is practically absent from it.

Rating: 5/10

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