22nd November 1999


I'm still recovering from a very good weekend, but I'll do my best...

Single of the Week

"Muscle Museum" by Muse

Whilst Radiohead are off contemplating their own musical navel, Muse will do nicely thank you very much. Beginning with barely-there guitar in the middle of a rainstorm, "Muscle Museum" evolves into a hypnotic and introspective track, very evocative of Thom and co; everything from the vocals to the pulsing bass bringing to mind Oxford's finest. However, that sounds like I'm belittling Muse for being derivative: far from it, as "Muscle Museum" features everything I love in a guitar-based song. Delicate sugarspun quiet bits, smashing orangey loud bits in the middle, well-penned lyrics ("I have played in every toilet, but you still want to spoil it, to prove I've made a big mistake") and a chorus that sounds like Wagnerian gods fighting in the middle of a thunderstorm. Three-chord Britrock it ain't.

"Pink Ego Box" begins similarly, with muted chords, punctuating bass and lyrics about internet-built relationships ("I've never seen your eyes, I've never heard your lies, but I think I like it when you instant message me with a promise") that are not as geeky as they sound. Then Satan and all his little helpers take over on guitar and the song combusts into something that stops the blood in your veins. "Con-science" humbly brings up the rear, beginning as a ghostly piano-backed slow track that brings to mind Tori Amos, then the guitars get slowly picked up by demonic hands again and get beaten into a glorious mess of metal, plastic and nosebleed-inducing controlled chaos. Fantastic.

Radiohead? Who are they again?

Rating: 10/10

The Rest

"Northern Star" by Melanie C

Whilst Melanie C's singles show all the promise of a Robbie-beating crossover kid, her LP is filled up with rather disappointingly anodyne material. If I can get off my arse long enough this week, I'll do a full review of it, but overall it's a rather uninspired "could do better" job. Not so "Northern Star" however, being a big shiny pre-Christmas ballad of the highest order. Though suffering a little from Mel's school magazine poetry style lyrics ("They build you up so they can tear you down, trust the ocean, you'll never drown"), the song and lush production melt over any inadequacies with style, especially manifesting such loveliness in the chorus that spreads wings and takes flight, reaching a cruising altitude from which you can see the edge of heaven. And whilst I know my soft spot for Miss Chisolm may cloud my objectivity somewhat, this still spices all over Geri's and Emma's latest karaoke efforts.

The first b-side is a Bryan Adams co-penned number, "Follow Me", and therefore is handicapped from the start by old gravelly bollocks' involvement. Another slowie, it doesn't come close to reaching the heights of "Northern Star", but is pleasant enough in an AOR-ish kind of way (much like those LP-filling songs mentioned above). The video to "Northern Star" completes CD1, and the main extra track on CD2 (besides a warm, soapy bath of an acoustic version of the a-side) is the rather spiffy "Something's Gonna Happen". A scuzzy, glamarama that struts around like a punky chicken, it is closer to "Goin' Down" in both spirit and execution and reaffirms my faith in Melanie C's potential to prove herself worthy of us oh-so-smug-and-clever indie kids.

The main reason I got CD2 however, was the four postcards featuring Mel prowling round someone's garden like a stray cat. Which is worth £2.99 of anyone's money.

Melanie C
Sorry, I couldn't stop myself

Rating: 8/10

"She's Got Issues" by The Offspring

But hey, if it's punk you're after, pick up the phone and call the experts. Yet another track dragged spitting and snarling from "Americana", "She's Got Issues" is a mid-tempo growler, distorted guitar spilling out it like garbage from a trash can (as they say in the States, apparently). The main reason it scores low however is the way it caused U2's bloody awful "She Moves In Mysterious Ways" (or whatever it was called) to arrive unwanted into my head, like a big smelly dog. Bah.

A live "All I Want" crashes through the barricades next, energy cracking out of it like a toaster chucked in the bath. Punk by numbers, perhaps, but all the numbers add up. Things are brought to a pogotastic close with the mighty morphin video to "The Kids Ain't Alright", in which all the punk stops are pulled out into a glorious spittle-covered black bin liner of fun. Woo hoo.

Rating: 6/10

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