I was one of the few who wrote in to correct Blue Peter on their declaration that 1980 was a new decade. I shall be celebrating in 2001 with the other pedants whilst sales of that evergreen t-shirt slogan rocket: "Same shit - different day".

What song will you be listening to on December 31st, 1999?

"New Year's Day" - U2

"IT WILL COME TO AN END"

And (assuming we're all still here) on January 1st, 2000?

"1999" - Prince

"NOSTALGIA MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND"

How would Orlando change the world for the better?

Suicide - the world has to get a little better, less crowded anyway.

What do you think the next big musical movement will be, and what will it be called?

"Resigned to Rock" will be the anthem of the next generation as we enter the perpetual 60s/70s revival unable to break free of Led Zeppelin or Fleetwood Mac etc etc until you get the joke.

If one of you became the sixth Spice Girl, what would your nickname be?

Skinny Spice, obviously.

Are the aliens already here?

No! They never will either. I hate extra-terrestial fever more than all the stuff about dinosaurs a while ago. They don't exist!

Are they Orlando fans?

If they are then they're not getting on the guest list. Neither are Mulder and Scully for that matter. Listening to alien conspiracy theories is more boring than other people's dreams.

Who are Orlando fans?

The sick, the wasted, the hopeless, the hopeful. People like us, people not like us and Dave Lee Travis.

Thank you for your time and effort in completing this questionnaire. Finally, if you had to sum up Orlando in 3 words, what would they be?