by AL McNAC

The circumstances by which I came to invent the Internette make for an extremely interesting and fascinating tale. One morning in 1803 my friend Colonel Phogarty said to me: "Wouldn't it be meritorious if it was possible to communicate with people around the world via some mode of electronic communication?"
I agreed that it was indeed an excellent idea, and by mid-afternoon that very day I had invented the Internette. Of course, at that time there were only two computers in the world: both were the size of a small house; one belonged to me and the other belonged to Colonel Phogarty. The first webbe site, invented by me, featured etchings of young ladies dressed in nothing more than their undergarments (see below for further details). This site proved extremely popular with Colonel Phogarty, who subscribed to it for the princely sum of one guinea. I went on to produce many more webbe sites. Some of them chronicle famous events from history in excruciating and lengthy detail, but none of my webbe sites proved more popular with Colonel Phogarty than those that featured etchings of young ladies in a state of undress. Since my death in 1803 I have been pleased to observe that - 107 years on - the Internette has made rapid progress. So much so that I understand it is now possible to feature upon a webbe site, not just etchings of ladies in their undergarments, but moving photographs too! Colonel Phogarty would no doubt have been delighted had he not died of syphilis in 1804!

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Suitable for adults aged 35 or above.

First there was breakfast. Then there was elevenses, dinner, lunch, tea-time and supper. Now the CAMPAIGN FOR MORE MEALS brings you:
BRUNTER
A 12-course mid-afternoon blow-out!
The law presently makes it compulsory for work-places to have a lunch break. But now the CAMPAIGN FOR MORE MEALS is lobbying Parliament to make a two-hour mid-afternoon Brunter-break also compulsory.

Here are some dishes you can expect to enjoy for Brunter:

Roast leopard stuffed with lemon and treacle sponge.
Blue Whale soup and cucumber.
Pig's head stuffed with roast ox and a cherry on the top.
Mangoes stuffed with boiled antelope and marzipan, served with 12 vegetables and one peanut.
Quadruple-layered Victoria Sponge Cake with coffee, maple syrup and pineapple fillings.

FOR DISCERNING ADULTS ONLY!
The advantages of the Internet mean that it is now possible to have access to etchings of ladies and gentlemen engaged in acts of courtship. These illustrations leave nothing to the imagination! They graphically depict married couples holding hands in full colour and partaking in verbal intercourse.
Warning: suitable only for adults aged over 35.