PROVERBS
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
Minced meat and mashed potatoes, shepherd's pie.
A full and comprehensive medical check a day keeps the doctor away.
A foolish man keeps fish in his underpants.
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
Milk and powdered fruit, Angel's Delight.
| March 1
First underground airport, 1888
March 2
Ugudugu proclaimed a republic, 1841
March 3
'Ten Green Bottles' written, 1843
March 4
First man to reach North Pole, 1803
March 5
First expedition to East Pole is a failure, 1804
March 6
'Ten Green Socks' written, 1844
March 7
Towels invented, 1221
March 8
First towel gets wet, 1221
March 9
First towel still not dry, 1221
March 10
First towel gets even wetter as it dries, 1221
March 11
Smallest horse in world discovered, 1871
March 12
Smallest horse turns out to be a cat, 1871
March 13
First tinned pineapples, 1809
March 14
Mrs McNac's birthday
March 15
Custard invented, 1536
March 16
First custard tanker leaves for USA, 1536
March 17
First custard tanker sinks, 1536
March 18
Giant custard slick turns Ireland into a pudding, 1536
March 19
First tinned peached, 1809
March 20
Two-man rucksack invented, 1549
March 21
First tinned rucksack, 1809
March 22
Antidisestablishmentarianism Day
March 23
Christmas Day in Ugudugu
March 24
Christmas Eve in Ugudugu
March 25
Creation of Mars, 566,879,647,758BC
March 26
First aeroplane to sail the Atlantic, 1870
March 27
Mrs McNac makes creosote for fence, 1899
March 28
Mrs McNac's fence dissolves, 1899
March 29
Mrs NcNac drops egg in creosote, 1899
March 30
Mrs McNac invents her Curiosity Sauce, 1899
March 31
Ugudugu sinks, 1842
March 32
Discovery of the world's worst calendar, 13975AD
March 33
Christmas Day
NEW FROM THE COLONEL PHOGARTY GAMES COMPANY
NON-TRIVIAL PURSUIT
- Each player must pick a card, choose a question, then write an essay of no more than 4,500 words in no more than four days.
- The other players then read and mark the essay.
- The average mark will determine the number of spaces moved on the board.
- There are several level of essay questions: degree, MA and Phd level.
- All answers must be typed and bound in triplicate.
- First player to become victorious is commonly considered to be the winner.
Sample questions:
- "Describe the impact of the English Reformation upon early arable crop rotation systems."
- "In a post-Socratic society can there said to be any real basis for morality in the didactic sense?"
Al McNac's McAnecdotes
A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR
A good sense of humour in company is both an aid to congeniality and meritorious.
Pepper you conversation with humorous asides and witty jocularisms. If you detect a lack of laughter amongst your audience it could be that you are suffering from a flatness of the humour gland.
Fortunately, this ailment is now curable thanks to Colonel Phogerty's Humour Enhancing Syrup, only 6d.
Take three teaspoonfuls last thing at night and wake up laughing.
Your comedic timing will never be the same again.
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COLONEL PHOGARTY'S TRAVELLING EXHIBITION OF MOST PLAIN & UNEXTRAORDINARY THINGS
At a fayre-ground in your proximity, you will have the opportunity to witness the following commonplace things:
BEARDED MAN
When Norman Baxter was just 16 real whiskers started growing on his face. Now aged nearly 24, Norman has a beard.
SIAMESE CATS
This pair of Siamese cats are no different from literally thousands of other Siamese cats around the world.
FLYING BIRD
This bird can literally fly through the air without the aid of pulleys, wires or nets.
MAN OF AVERAGE GIRTH
See the male human being who is nearly five-feet ten-inches tall in height and weighs an unincredible eleven stone.
NORMAL-SIZED APPLE
See the apple that grew to the size of a normal apple.
"Nothing in the show struck me as being in any manner surprising."
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