Here are some funny quotes I have found on the internet or via the X-Plane mail group. Enjoy the humour, but heed the moral of the story
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than to be up there Wishing you were down here.
An airplane will probably fly a little bit over gross, but it won't fly without fuel. [I read more NTSB reports where the airplane "...must've had some sort of mysterious fuel leak"...]
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.
If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn 'em off.
Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
Too many pilots are found in the wreckage with their hands around a microphone or holding onto a keyboard. Don't drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone. [Heh. Last words on Black Box: " Is this thing on...?"]
Fly it until the last piece stops moving. [Oh, gadzooks! You wouldn't believe how many accidents happen on the runway because someone stopped flying the airplane as soon as one of the wheels touched down. Can you imagine, as your car rounds the corner onto your street, climbing into the backseat and rearranging the groceries, because your duties as "driver" are over?!?!?!]
No one has ever collided with the sky.
Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwinds.
A thunderstorm is natures way of saying "Up yours."
Keep looking around, there's always something you missed.
Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
Hovering is for pilots who love to fly, but have no place to go.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew copilot is a copilot who was once a captain.
Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
The first thing every pilot does after making a gear up landing is to put the gear handle down. [This is an FAA thing. "See?! It's down -- must be some sort of leak, or something... I had 3 green lights..."]
A "good" landing is one which you can walk away from. A great landing is one which lets you use the airplane another time.
A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Things which do you no good in aviation: Altitude above you. Runway behind you. Fuel in the truck. Half a second in history. Approach plates in the car. The airspeed you don't have.
A smooth touchdown in a simulator is about as exciting as kissing your sister. [Obviously, whoever wrote this has never kissed my sister... ;^) ]
Fuel is life.
Any Captain who takes less than 45 minutes of holding fuel is playing Russian Roulette with the ground.
Don't fly as if you own the sky, fly as if you own the airplane !
A superior pilot is a pilot using his superior mind to avoid to have to use his superior skills.
When you have checked everything, and everything looks OK, you surely overlooked something !
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.
* Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
* Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
* Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
* Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
* Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
* Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
* Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
* Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
* Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
* Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
* Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
* Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing
gear."
* Solution: "Evidence removed."
* Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
* Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
* Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
* Solution: "Live bugs on order."
* Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
descent."
* Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
* Problem: "IFF inoperative."
* Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
* Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
* Solution: "That's what they're there for."
* Problem: "Number three engine missing."
* Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."