After all that serious stuff,
a bit of Police humour!
Murphy's Law seems to be big in America. Remember " If anything
can go wrong, it will go wrong"
Here are some corollaries, amendments and specialised applications for
the Police, taken from American Police web sites, plus a few of my own:
- The speed at which an officer responds to a fight in progress is
inversely proportional to his length of service.
- The night that you require the tracker dog is the night it has a
cold, or the weather conditions 'aren't right'.
- The day you receive a witness citation for a High Court Trial
during your annual leave is the day you have paid a non - refundable
deposit on a holiday of a lifetime.
- Anyone who flirts with you on duty won't even recognise you off duty.
- Your personal radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.
- PNC is always down when you really need it.
- The experience of the Procurator Fiscal Depute is inversely proportional to the
importance of the case he is prosecuting.
- If the Firearm Team have 'cleared' all rooms and met no resistance,
they have probably kicked in the door of the wrong flat.
- The night you require the on duty CID is the night they have joined
their off duty colleagues in the bar to celebrate a promotion.
- The day you are held on duty is the day you needed to get away promptly.
- The volume of traffic ahead of you is directly proportional to the urgency of the
call you are attending.
- The ability of the driver ahead of you is inversely proportional to the number of
automobile club stickers displayed on the rear of his car.
- The day you make a special effort to polish your shoes and press your
trousers is the day you have to chase someone over a muddy field.
- The amount of Criminal Intelligence is inversely proportional to the amount of
intelligent criminals.
- To err is human, to forgive is against department policy. Corollary: Blame
is always attributed to the individual, whilst praise is always claimed by the many.
- No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes another's idea - usually a Superintendent's.
- The week you are on night duty is the week the Roads Department decide to resurface your street.
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