Anger management

The mindfulness that develops through meditation practice is the primary tool necessary to catch the moment when anger arises, when the symptoms of stress start coursing through your body. I cannot stress enough how important it is to catch this moment. As your practice develops you will become fully aware of the character of the emotion, its nature, its quality and its temperament. For some people this development comes relatively easily, whereas for others it is a difficult practice because the emotions they are experiencing result from their kammic temperament. However, it is unwise to become disheartened. Remind yourself that this practice is a universal remedy and, with effort, will bear fruit. Some practitioners will eventually succeed in removing these emotions altogether, while others will successfully reduce their power. I will take this opportunity to explain the process in more detail here so that your practice may be fruitful.

Firstly, you must become fully aware of your state of mind. Full awareness is the initial treatment. Consider for yourself how anger harms you, how it affects your equilibrium, increases your stress, stops you thinking clearly. Say to yourself, "I am harming myself by anger." Secondly come to the realization, "This anger is not caused by others but results from my ego reacting negatively to something someone has said or done to me." Having come to this state of acknowledgement you should now consider what the effect of your anger will have on the other person. Remind yourself what it feels like to be the recipient of someone's anger. This is very helpful. Remember how the hurt inflicted by anger causes suffering to the perpetrator. Outbursts are almost always followed by guilt. Think of the kammic effect of hurting others. Recognise that your feelings of defensiveness and self-protection are ego. Now you should be able to allow the situation to be as it is. Don't deny it. Feel compassion for the other person; recognize how he is affecting his own kamma. This wise consideration is related to spiritual wisdom.

Do not worry if someone does not care for you. Don't rely on being cared for, care for yourself. Learn through practice to regard yourself as a spiritual person, a practitioner of peace. With the development of the Dhamma of compassion and peace you will come to know the law of cause and effect and no longer need to react. Remember that you are the maker of your own life. It is your duty to develop the wisdom that will bring you to peace, harmony, liberation and salvation. Developing the degree of mindfulness needed for this practice is not easy but it is the way for awareness of a situation to arise before reaction sets in.

When someone is behaving in a hostile or harmful way towards you, you may feel intimidated. Buddha says that when conditions threaten your peace you have three ways to proceed. Firstly, clarify for yourself what the problem is, then decide your action and be clear as to its effects. If the situation continues to worsen then your second act is to remove yourself from the situation, if at all possible. Finally, if you aren't able to remove yourself and the situation continues, face it without ego. It is very important to realize that you cannot face and deal with a problem by using ego-centred thought. You have to keep the ego out. All of our lives we are trained to operate from our ego-centre, and it isn't easy to break through such strong conditioning. Even though you understand and believe this teaching to be correct, no matter how hard you try situations develop where your emotions overcome you. What is to be done? The answer is, of course, to become wise and knowledgeable, to develop mindfulness, to understand cause and effect, to reduce the ego, to develop the self-discipline that will allow you to accept an inevitable situation without reaction. Your guide and teacher on this journey is the Middle Way and the Noble Eightfold Path as taught by the Buddha. Learn and practice, and your negative emotions will at the very least diminish in strength and, at best, leave you altogether. Remember, peace is only guaranteed when you learn to stay with things as they are and when you have developed detachment. Not only will you prevent the emotion from arising but also the root cause of it, which is contact of our physical or mental world.

Another way of dealing with negative emotion is to practice transformation into love. Here too the first tool is awareness. Become aware of the situation, recognise your own feelings of agitation, jealousy, or dislike, and have the wisdom to see that any reaction on their part or yours will earn bad Kamma. With this recognition you will become more peaceful and a feeling of love and compassion will arise. Develop this sense of love until you achieve transformation. Continue and you will become joyous (Piti) and confident (Saddha). There will be no room left now for negativity. This is the way of the Bodhisattva mind. This practice leads to enlightenment.

There are some problems that are easily dealt with just by establishing their cause. Do not become confused when these arise, just make an effort to find out what is causing the feeling of dislike, anger, tension, agitation, etc. Buddha says that where there is an effect there is always a cause. When anger or agitation arises it is purely the effect of a cause. It is here you will find the answer to the problem.

And finally, develop the mind until you are left with nothing that can hold your attachment to the world, to position, and to possession. Buddha says that most of our problems arise because we hold on, attach, crave and cling. Remind yourself constantly that there is nothing but Dhamma; that everything is of the nature to decay. Attachment causes suffering. Everything ceases. Because of attachment, misconception and ego arise. All phenomena are subject to the process of arising and ceasing. They are of the nature of Anicca (impermanent), of Dukkha (unsatisfactory) and of Anatta (not-self).

So, every time anger, emotion, worry, or tension arises, allow it to be just as it is. Understand its nature and do not react. Experience for yourself how negative emotions arise, and see for yourself how they disappear when they are not attached to or interfered with. It is through the development of this understanding that you will find freedom from suffering.

It is my hope that what I have written here will be of help to you in your practice and that you may free yourself from the suffering of negative emotions.