Harry are you listening, Harry are you listening, da da da da, da da da da.

If you have anything to say about West Ham, good or bad, put your comment in below. The only rule is that you are not abusive to any of the other contributors (excluding constructive criticism). Everyone has a right to their opinion! KEEP VISITING THE MOANS PAGE. Cheers lads and lasses.

Archive - 29/9/99 to 19/10/99

Dazza at 19:40:39 Tuesday October 19 99
PS ..I saw the (Tony) Blair Witch Project last night on spanking loverly DVD..it aint bad at all.....BUT you must watch it in a very very dark room otherwise the film doesnt have much effect at all

Dazza at 19:35:49 Tuesday October 19 99
Right Who's got bleeding tickets for the sweaties then??? COZ I ****IN AINT.....PS Alf Garnett is doing a one off show at the Stevenage lesiure centre on thursday..I only found out yesterday and its sold out too...I aint had much luck hthis week on the tickets scene!!!!!...Hope you are all well....ta'ra

Mike the Hammer at 18:45:39 Tuesday October 19 99
I apologise for the fact that someone decided to be my wife today,thus confusing everyone into thinking it must be Friday.

Dave iP at 18:17:15 Tuesday October 19 99
Did someone declare a Friday while I wasn't looking?

Ian in Dallas at 17:57:30 Tuesday October 19 99
Paolo: nope - the loonies have taken over the asylum. Best wait till Nurse Ratchett gives them their medication....

Paolo at 17:45:8 Tuesday October 19 99
To quote VtG - is it safe? Just scanning back through the last two days Alf's seems to have gone even more tits up than usual!

Mike the Hammer at 17:40:2 Tuesday October 19 99
COME ON BARCELONA!

TJ Hooker at 17:39:48 Tuesday October 19 99
Rob The Knob,Rob The Knob! Rob the Knobs off to the Jocks versus Jokes Euro-decider!Good Boy Robbie!

Mike the Hammer at 16:47:57 Tuesday October 19 99
That's where it ends,and I did mentiion you.

Vic the Gooner at 16:40:9 Tuesday October 19 99
Oi Mike the Hammer. First you nick me name now me bleeding catch phrases.

Rubbish at 16:32:5 Tuesday October 19 99
What's all the fuss about? Turkeys? They're just fat bastard chickens!

Mike the Hammer at 16:21:23 Tuesday October 19 99
Chris,I will not marry you,so please stop trying to be my wife!

Mike the Hammer quot in g a certain gooner at 16:15:1 Tuesday October 19 99
Is it safe yet?

Mike the Hammers other 'alf at 16:4:21 Tuesday October 19 99
no it bleeding aint

Mike the Hammer at 16:0:54 Tuesday October 19 99
And my wife's grammar is far superior,you wannabe!

Mike the Hammers other 'alf at 15:53:42 Tuesday October 19 99
they was implied

Mike the Hammer at 15:51:2 Tuesday October 19 99
You forgot hoovering and washing up.

Mike the Hammers other 'alf at 15:47:28 Tuesday October 19 99
there you go again - trying to pretend to your 'friends' that you don't iron !. Listen everyone on here he irons, cooks and does himself a facepack once a week.

Mike the Hammer at 15:44:21 Tuesday October 19 99
Aha! You have shown yourself to be an imposter.I NEVER iron.

Mike the Hammers other 'alf at 15:41:49 Tuesday October 19 99
That's typical of you - start playing up in front of your friends. I AM GOING - you can watch it at home after you've ironed my trousers

Mike the Hammer at 15:31:18 Tuesday October 19 99
OI bird! What did I tell you? YOU AREN'T GOING!

Mike the Hammers other 'alf at 15:29:32 Tuesday October 19 99
I've got tickets for the game too, for me and the girls like

Mike the Hammer at 15:20:27 Tuesday October 19 99
If Lee & Vic are,then I'm not.

Vic the Gooner at 15:16:15 Tuesday October 19 99
me too

Mike the Hammer at 15:16:0 Tuesday October 19 99
For those pretnding to be my missus,kindly cease.Ta. And there's only one Alf.

Mr Smelly hands at 15:15:20 Tuesday October 19 99
Guess what I've been playing with

lee of thfc at 15:11:29 Tuesday October 19 99
and Im going as well...

Mike the Hammers other 'alf in in the kitchen at 15:11:4 Tuesday October 19 99
he's such a romantic my Mike, he knows I love rugby

Mike the Hammers other 'alf at 15:10:49 Tuesday October 19 99
he's such a romantic my Mike, he knows I love rugby

Mike the Hammer at 14:59:28 Tuesday October 19 99
Afternoon all.I'm off to Edinburgh this weekend for my first wedding anniversary,and I've just got hold of tickets for NZ vs Jock losers at Murrayfield for face value.Another competition they can get knocked out of.

Mr Wobbles at 14:38:2 Tuesday October 19 99
My arse is made out of jelly you ninnys!

Adam at 14:29:8 Tuesday October 19 99
and I'm going as well

Rob at 14:26:35 Tuesday October 19 99
And I'm going!!!!!!!!!! And I've booked the day off. And I'm going to get very, very pished. And we're going to win.

Rob at 14:25:41 Tuesday October 19 99
ENGLAND v SCOTLAND is now totally SOLD OUT.

Celebrety gues at 14:24:30 Tuesday October 19 99
is it - Vic the Gooner's moustache ?

Anon69 at 14:12:27 Tuesday October 19 99
The lack of football content on here is a reflection of the weirdness of the site's users.

Angus Deayton at 14:10:27 Tuesday October 19 99
And now we move siftly on to to the next round, artfully entitled 'Missing words'. Here are yours Paul, and guest : My Arse is made of ________ quips Mr Wobbles

Studio Audience at 14:6:14 Tuesday October 19 99
HHaaa haaa yeah whay hay, yeah ,,, whoo hooo,, yipee,,,,,

Angus Deayton at 14:5:43 Tuesday October 19 99
....is the right answer

Jason King at 13:58:44 Tuesday October 19 99
it must be a family trait Don

Celebrety Guest at 13:56:20 Tuesday October 19 99
I know Angus, it's T J Hooker isn't it. The all wear a hairpiece but he's the only one that has admitted it.

Don King at 13:53:55 Tuesday October 19 99
I got big hair and a big ass!

Jason King in my doctor's at 13:51:16 Tuesday October 19 99
Big arse - I've got a big arse- how dare you Hislop you potatoe headed monster

Anon3 at 13:48:14 Tuesday October 19 99
Is the lack of football content on here a reflection of the lack of excitement in the Premiership presently and the possible demise of the game we once passionately talked about.

Paul Merton at 13:44:6 Tuesday October 19 99
Is the answer Olw? Because all the others are made out of clay and glaze whereas olw has brittle wooden bones?

Anon at 13:38:8 Tuesday October 19 99
Bill Gates: Good or Evil?

Anon2 at 13:35:27 Tuesday October 19 99
How do you Olw is not a her?

Anon at 13:33:20 Tuesday October 19 99
Olw has a messageboard named after him and the rest have got washboards named after them?

Angus Deayton at 13:30:32 Tuesday October 19 99
....Is the Wrong answer....Paul, for a bonus point, can you tgell me what the answer is.....

Ian Hislop at 13:26:44 Tuesday October 19 99
They've all got big arses, except for Mr Creosote who is a big arse. So he's the odd one out.

Vic the Gooner at 13:26:41 Tuesday October 19 99
I'm here. You can talk to me if you like.

Quizmaster at 13:24:7 Tuesday October 19 99
A bit quiet on here today? Where is everyone gone ?

Pervy perve at 12:59:59 Tuesday October 19 99
Go to one of the search engines, type in "mature women" and click "OK" do a bit of browsing and you will see women in their 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's naked, doing spreadshots etc.

Angus Deayton in Round 2 at 12:59:32 Tuesday October 19 99
And now we move swiftly on to out eponymously titled 'Odd one out' round. Ian, your collection of four faded celebritis are : Olw, Mr Creosote, T.J Hooker and Jason King. Who's the odd one out?

Tom my at 12:52:18 Tuesday October 19 99
Olw,I have'nt read his book,but H told us the story in Oz,and with a few embellishments,it was a funny tale indeed.

Paul Merton in the studio at 12:51:13 Tuesday October 19 99
....marbles

MR. CREOSOTE at 12:51:11 Tuesday October 19 99
Enough is enough do you hear? I've had it up to here with fucking David Beckham clones everywhere I fucking go man.

AEJ Elliot O.B.E. in a bookshop at 12:50:15 Tuesday October 19 99
Barry Fry was a right twat on TV last nioght. If what he said wasn't funny he shouted it until he got a sympathetic titter.

Anon at 12:48:20 Tuesday October 19 99
Head for heights?

Olw at 12:43:10 Tuesday October 19 99
Yes, I remember the Fry/Redknapp story from Harry's book. Didn't he steal a player from Fry when the latter was at Maidstone? The player was non-contract so Harry just offered him a deal and pinched him from under Fry's nose. BF was not amused and, as Tom said, threatened to break HR's legs etc.

TJ Hooker at 12:33:33 Tuesday October 19 99
I've just read Ironworks man, and to be honest I agree with him 100%. West Ham players lack ambition and heart with a few honourable exceptions.There are really no excuses for losing to the likes of Coventry and Middlesborough-not for a club supposedly challenging for a place in Europe. I say bring Kitson back and have Ian Wright at hand as well. Porkchop, Ruddock, Minto,Stimac,Potts-once a fine player admittedly-,Moncur should all be despatched to history.Trouble is most of you lot are used to and comfortable with mediocrity, but I,TJ Hooker, demand only the best.

Jason King at 12:30:54 Tuesday October 19 99
Adams fault - never - if anyone's at fault it's Eve's

TJ Hooker at 12:22:16 Tuesday October 19 99
So its all Adams fault then...

Angus Deyton at 12:14:4 Tuesday October 19 99
'My Denis hasn't lost his__________?'

Tom my at 11:48:18 Tuesday October 19 99
It all stemmed from a deal Harry did when down with the cherries.He stitched Fry up(the great british fry up)something rotten,and Fry threatened to send around the heavies.

Sue Barker at 11:44:36 Tuesday October 19 99
Well spotted Fat Bloke, Harry and Barry hate eachother as they both feel they are the king of the cockney one liner and so it became a case of who could shout louder. Harry, however, repeatedly crept up and 'booed' Barry in the Green room afterwards in an attempt to induce another heart attack.

MR. CREOSOTE at 10:48:30 Tuesday October 19 99
See Harry on Question of Sport? What dya think? I darnt think he liked that bloke Fry. Big mouthed cunt.

MR. CREOSOTE at 10:44:39 Tuesday October 19 99
Harry GO NOW!

Adam at 10:8:31 Tuesday October 19 99
OLW, I am Mr Texaco man, or one of them, unfortunately I have given this address to a couple of workmates as well (Chelsea and Tottscum fans), i have also given the address to my girlfriend who is a Gooner but as of yet she has not appeared.

TGWU at 10:4:53 Tuesday October 19 99
Hello

Olw at 10:1:44 Tuesday October 19 99
What about nwmarkets or JPMorgan?

Yossa at 9:58:33 Tuesday October 19 99
Nope

Vic tye Gooner at 9:47:40 Tuesday October 19 99
I see nothings changed then. Same old West Ham. What a dire performance. You dont travel well in th Premiership. But on foriegn soil you can beat just about anyone. complete fucking mystery. you have my sympathy.

Olw at 9:42:32 Tuesday October 19 99
Yossa, are you Texaco man?

Yossa at 9:29:29 Tuesday October 19 99
Vic I know you find it highly amusing to write is it safe but like all catchphrases they only have a certain shelf life and to be honest your is well past the sell by date and is rancid

Vic the Gooner at 9:23:55 Tuesday October 19 99
Is it safe?

Kristian in a daze at 8:18:39 Tuesday October 19 99
Bugger... oh well, whatever...nevermind. All the best from Oslo

Olw at 7:25:44 Tuesday October 19 99
Ian: I wrote something similar to that idiot on Ironworks. Basically if he want sto whinge like that then he should support ManU. West Ham did okay on Sunday against the odds (2 extra men if you count Rennie) and I feel proud of the effort they put in. But Rob was right in one respect. I did not hear one word from the travelling hammers. Pathetic. And needless to say that was not me at 13:49:20 yesterday.

Ian in Dallas at 22:17:43 Monday October 18 99
Andyinottawa: you're right - the guy on Ironworks is one very, very pissed off guy. Fabulous one match, shite the next - welcome to the wonderful world of being a Hammers' fan. It just amuses me that people get so pissed off about this up/down in/out scenario - it's the whole essence of being a Hammers fan. Always was, always will be. I guess that doesn't mean we have to like it, though.

Ian in Dallas at 22:7:1 Monday October 18 99
Hi Andyinottawa! At last, another sentient human being! I didn't look at Ironworks yet - I guess I need to. The only things I've seen were Alf's, Olw's and the Daily Telegraph. So: Joni Mitchell got a game, did she? Or was it Neil Young? Or Gordon Lightfoot.....? PS: with just the two of us chatting here and all the rest of the Alfers presumably tucked up in bed, don't you feel like a couple of kids who've snuch downstairs to raid the fridge after their parents have gone to bed?

Andyinottawa in er - Ottawa at 21:35:6 Monday October 18 99
Ian, you're now discovering the loneliness of being this side of the Atlantic on Alf's: as soon as you're ready to read it and contribute, everyone else has gone. The advantage of the Olw's format is that it keeps the threads alive overnight. Your observations about Sunday's performance contrast with the teeny-bit negative report on Ironworks (http://www.gamesmachine.com/ironworks/index.shtml)! My only crumb of comfort is that Canada's finest got half a game (and didn't do badly) and is presumably now guaranteed another.

Ian in Dallas at 16:14:53 Monday October 18 99
Adam: I think we really need another defender - not.... Hello all from wet, windy, cold Dallas. Conversation from last night at the bar: Waitress: "Would you like to see a menu?" Me, pointing at my Coors Lite: "No, I think I'll have another few aperitifs first." Waitress: "'scuse me - you want another pair of teeth?" That's right - a bartender(ess) with a college education (and significant assets...) didn't know what an aperitif was. I didn't think I'd go into what a digestif was.... Paolo, you asked about differences. As you may know, the Americans can't do anything without a large soft drink in their hand. Result: even supermarket trolleys have a special holder for those big paper cups. Which reminds me - American cars are designed around the cup holder. I know I have a crappy rental car because it only has one, not two. Speaking of cars: here in Texas, they have different format license plates (number plates) depending on whether it's a truck, a car, a police car etc. etc. - and even the disabled have their own license plates. Crap result yesterday, although looking on here and on Olw's, it seems 1) we wuz robbed, and 2) we should take heart from a decent performance.

Adam at 15:40:46 Monday October 18 99
Has anyone else heard the rumour that we are going to pip Derby for the signing of Colin Hendry? I hope its not true.

Adam at 15:8:54 Monday October 18 99
I know who it is, he's not even a Hammer

Alf at 15:3:8 Monday October 18 99
Afternoon all. In response to your request for info on the postings on here - you can view the public stats for this page at http://www.thecounter.com/counter/344230.vmain They're a bit basic but be lucky. Only I have access to the full stats. Seems like I need to have a word with someone at texaco.com. Cheers lads and lasses.

Gregor at 14:55:26 Monday October 18 99
"Dont bend down when Wenger is around or you might get a willie up your arse"

Gregor at 14:54:11 Monday October 18 99
"Hey Wenger leave those kids alone, all in all youre just a French Homosexual"

Hannah at 14:32:20 Monday October 18 99
Afternoon all - Just to rub it in - I'M GOING ON A EUROPEAN TOUR !

Mike the Hammer at 14:28:22 Monday October 18 99
Hello all.I'm back.WE BEAT THE GOONERS!!! VIERA IS SCUM. WENGER SHOULD F.O.A.D. and we didn't play very well yesterday.

Yossa at 14:19:15 Monday October 18 99
I am very well today thank you Rob and yourslef.See alittle common deceny hurt no one did it

Anon at 13:50:36 Monday October 18 99
Rob The Nob,Rob The Nob!!!!

Olw at 13:49:20 Monday October 18 99
This site is so full of crap.The same old arseholes wanking on about bollox, and now Scott-who the fuck is Scott acting the hard man. If you're so tough Scott leave a message on MY site, and we'll see whats what.As for the rest of you sad losers, isn't it time you got a life??

Rob at 13:33:38 Monday October 18 99
Hannah, blue? Eh?

Rob at 13:31:6 Monday October 18 99
Yesterday was poor all round. Poor performance. Poor atmosphere. Poor game. And FUCKING PATHETIC turn-out by West Ham. We had just over 700 there. Shite. On a lighter note, how is everyone?

Quizmaster at 13:21:27 Monday October 18 99
Straight from Teamfibs, should we buy him back ?? "Spurs boss George Graham has turned his attentions to Wimbledon striker John Hartson after failing to tempt the Dons into selling Carl Cort. Wimbledon manager Egil Olsen has confirmed that he has already spurned a cash plus player offer for the controversial former Arsenal star, but following his improved behaviour on the pitch, Graham is said to be ready to make his move. It was Graham, who of course, who signed the then-teenage talent for Arsenal from Luton for £2.5m five seasons ago, with the White Hart Lane chief again turning to his prodigal son after failing to lure his Selhurst Park teammate Carl Cort. Wimbledon would look to collect the £7.5m they paid to West Ham last season for the Welsh international, who is at last playing the best football of his career. Olsen quipped: "If they (Spurs) come in with £20m I probably wouldn't say no."

Yossa at 13:9:4 Monday October 18 99
Devo was probably one of the most skilful and if west ham ever have a hall of fame would be one of the most deserving players to be in the best of ever x1 Devo was a joy to watch and very friendly off the pitch to the fans I can still seem surging along that touchline It was and still is a crying shame what happened against wigan that time

Adam at 13:9:2 Monday October 18 99
Who was that Ledley King who played for Spurs this week that the papers are raving about. Ive got a Tottenham mate who's been going on about him being the new Sol Campbell - seems its true.

Quizmaster at 13:1:6 Monday October 18 99
Who's Mangler ?

Derek Forsyth at 12:31:48 Monday October 18 99
I can't believe this is back, like Paul K. I occasionally used to logon to this page (or the old one as it was then) I still live in Bow off the Roman Road if anyone remembers me, still got a season ticket in the Chicken Run, still think its a complete ripoff but I love this club and having been going for years its hard to just forget what Saturday afternoons are about if I didn't have the Hammers. Watched the game yesterday, reminded me a bit of the Semi Final in 1991, we lose one influential player and are never in the game afterwards. Well I did say a bit. Di Canio reminds me of Devonshire at his best, better player probably but some of you may not remember how exciting Devo could be. Not convinced about Wanchope but he's the kind of player I don't think I ever would be even if hes scoring 15 goals a season, so what do I know. Good to see Celtic winning in Scotland. Thankyou.

paul K at 12:12:35 Monday October 18 99
so alfs is back and working, i saw the link on iroworks before but thought it was the crappy old one that went to a document contains no data box dont remember any of the names on here except olw and yossa who was on a windup i thought and

Adam at 12:12:22 Monday October 18 99
Uriah Rennie he's crap. Is he only refereeing top flight as an example of tokenism.

Yossa at 11:53:38 Monday October 18 99
Hello

Olw at 11:6:21 Monday October 18 99
No, just a crap server.

scott at 10:37:53 Monday October 18 99
Have you got a stutter owl

Olw at 10:35:2 Monday October 18 99
Scott, you hard bastard. Everyone knows that Alf's is a site for talking bullshit on (just as you are doing, ironically). If you want footy chat go to Manglers or Olw's.

Olw at 10:33:47 Monday October 18 99
Scott, you hard bastard. Everyone knows that Alf's is a site for talking bullshit (just as you are doing, ironically). If you want footy chat go to Manglers or Olw's.

Olw at 10:32:12 Monday October 18 99
Scott, you hard bastard. Everyone knows that Alf's is a site for talking bullshit on (just as you are doing, ironically). If you want footy chat go to Manglers or Olw's.

Yossa at 10:17:26 Monday October 18 99
God when we lose its like the day before the period's are due at allgirls schoo;

scott at 9:55:13 Monday October 18 99
Fuck U

Olw at 9:54:22 Monday October 18 99
Oooo! A hard man!

scott at 9:53:53 Monday October 18 99
yeah piss off owl this is meant to be for football chat not that Bollox your talking..

Anon at 9:21:18 Monday October 18 99
Piss off Olw

Olw at 8:41:44 Monday October 18 99
3 consecutive verbs. Can anyone beat that?

Chicken Run Ron at 8:38:46 Monday October 18 99
I have just purchased 3 balaclava's and a baseball bat - I need 2 other helpers to meet me at Chadwell Heathe at about am and to knee cap Messers Ruddock and Wanchope for consistantly keeping better players out of the team.

Mahoolah at 8:13:30 Monday October 18 99
A load of old shit indeed. We should have had a penalty.

scott in Barings at 8:10:13 Monday October 18 99
Wot a load of shite that was yesterday

Ian in Dallas at 21:17:19 Friday October 15 99
Adam: thanks (re th KM bio) - I'll look out for it. I have everything The Who ever receorded (sad, really, isn't it?) Paolo: yes, remarkably, they do have books - what else do you put on the coffee table to impress your friends with? Seriously, though, there's a great book store near here - "75% off Books" - which is what its name implies. It's all remainders and 'damaged in shipping' but there's a huge selection. I buy stuff there by the ton - nothing more than $4.99. Last Xmas, I got my 9-year old son the ultimate Porsche book (he's mad about Porsches) - originally $60.00, got it for $4.99 (which, thinking about it is a lot more than 75% off). I know it's fashionable to deride it, but one of the things I love about the US is how cheap everything is (I get CDs for $7.99 - and we're not talking crap here, we're talking Who, Stones, Floyd, Zeppelin - all the modern stuff). Anyway, where have you lot gone? It's only 3:15....

Dazza at 20:58:37 Friday October 15 99
Hello boys and girls, until I sort out the Prediction league on the COYI site heres mine and Nics predictions... ArsevEverton - d=2-0 n=2-1. CovvNewc - d=1-2 n=1-2. DerbyvSpurs - d=0-2 n=2-0. LeevSheff - d=3-0 n=3-0. LeivSoton - d=1-2 n=1-0. LivvChel - d=1-1 n=0-2. manvWat - d=2-0 n=2-0. WimvBra - d=1-2 n=2-0. borovWHU - d=1-1 n=1-1

Anon at 17:22:21 Friday October 15 99
Vic The Gooner has been behind 90% of the nonsense thats gone on here today.He should be banned from the site.

Vic the Gooner at 17:2:0 Friday October 15 99
Can anyone smell onions ?

Vic the Gooner at 16:57:59 Friday October 15 99
Hannah, fancy a curry?

Vic the Gooner at 16:57:6 Friday October 15 99
I spit on you all you peices of sheet

Anon at 16:55:20 Friday October 15 99
Fuck off

Swiss Toni at 16:42:17 Friday October 15 99
These aren't cars we're selling. They're todgers.

Hannah at 16:42:11 Friday October 15 99
well anon - i just clicked on your blue name and guess what name was in the box ?? Can I disclose ?? or would you rather I didn't?

Anon at 16:40:52 Friday October 15 99
It means possible paedophile offender.

Hannah at 16:39:2 Friday October 15 99
stupid question coming up from a dim bird - When someone's name is in blue - what does it mean ?

TWAT in TWAT TWAT TWAT at 16:31:5 Friday October 15 99
TWAT TWAT

Paolo The Pussy at 16:28:26 Friday October 15 99
Make up your mind Mahool, which is it?

Saracen in Rugby heaven at 16:27:54 Friday October 15 99
England 101 Tonga 10

Mahoolah The Moggy at 16:24:48 Friday October 15 99
Sounds good to me!

Mahoolah at 16:24:12 Friday October 15 99
No thanks.

Paolo the Pussy at 16:21:39 Friday October 15 99
Thank you Mahoolah-you could be "Mahoolah The Moggy" if you like......

Anon at 16:2:16 Friday October 15 99
It just gets better

Paolo The Pussy at 15:52:39 Friday October 15 99
miaow!

Paolo The Pussy at 15:51:55 Friday October 15 99
Mahoolah, were you laughing at that appalling Adam and Eve joke, or my new name. For your sake it had better not be my name-I'm very serious about this.

Paolo The Pussy at 15:49:37 Friday October 15 99
Oh God it's the Friday curse again, can we steer the conversation back towards football please.

Mahoolah at 15:49:22 Friday October 15 99
Ho ho ho, that was a good one

Paolo at 15:47:48 Friday October 15 99
I'd like to be known as "Paolo The Pussy" from this point on-if thats Ok with you lot

Adam at 15:47:36 Friday October 15 99
No, I'm a Virgin and I'm staying that way thank you very much.

Eve at 15:46:18 Friday October 15 99
Oi Adam, Fancy a shag?

Paolo at 15:43:46 Friday October 15 99
Well, at least the Bournemouth fans went home happy - but that wasn't the game I saw. They were a good, football playing side - for a 2nd division side, but that's all they were. The only way they'd have won thatr game is if we'd have done our normal thing of giving it to them. One of these days footy fans will realise that hitting the bar or a post, or nearly scoring is not actually getting a goal - it's onlt the ones that go in that count! (And we got th those!)

Adam at 15:36:45 Friday October 15 99
I wondered why Bournemouth were booing Wanchope's every touch. He headbutted, kicked, punched, threw coins at the fans, buggered Mark Stein, broke into every shop in Bournemouth, killed 2 young boys and stole some porno mags from his local newsagent. I think a booking and a stern lecture was the correct decision from Mr Harris, the Referee.

Anon at 15:32:24 Friday October 15 99
And... (singing) All Around My... ARSE!

Mahoolah at 15:30:36 Friday October 15 99
From the official chat site : A bournemouth View of the game: We were all over them for about 70% of the game, we must have had about 60% of the total possesion, and for a good ten minutes before the break we could have been 3 or 4 up but for a couple of goal line clearances, and two world class saves from Hislop. Even at 1-0 down Mean hit the post and Robbo clipped the bar, we were very unlucky. However the main talking point was Wanchope, he clattered ovendale twice, elbowed Coxey full in the face, headbutted Jorgensen after a two footer on him,made at least two two footed tackles on Broadhurst and Young, Aswell as dodgy on the pitch, he kicked the ball into the fans twice, gave it large after the keller goal (listen for the whistles from the ref) and made 'come on' gestures when lampard scored, if you see the replays you can see him doing it beind Frank Lampard, then to top it all off, he was showered with coins (which was disgusting from our fans) and he chucked them back at the bloke that threw them, it was unbelievable... he was finally booked, and then about 30 seconds later the referee pulled the yellow out again, which sent the 2,500 bournemouth fans loopy and then when he realised it was Wanchope, gave Foe a lecture instead, Redknapp realised and pulled him off. The ref was abysmal, he was in a little world of his own. On another day it would have been a famous victory, but it wasnt to be. Maybe next time, I was very proud to be a Bournemouth fan that night, and even the West fans realised that they had really had a game. As for you Deano - West Ham were still pretty good, and looked dangerous going forward, that front 2 will be a threat to anyone but Ruddock is so poor it's unbelievable, and as a former Scummer he had abuse from his first touch to his last, which both ronically saw the ball clear the main stand, Stimac is not much better, poor in the air, he was outjumped by even Stien on 3 occasionswhich leaves the pressure on Rio. Rio and Joe Cole need more games to regain their first touch.

Tom my at 15:23:13 Friday October 15 99
Well thats a new opening gambit,are you czech mate? Tom

Vic the Gooner at 15:22:52 Friday October 15 99
Is it safe?

Bobby Fischer at 15:21:33 Friday October 15 99
I am 34 years old and I have masturbated 3 times a day, every day, since I was 13. That is roughly 22,995 times which is quite a lot of sperm.

Adam at 15:10:51 Friday October 15 99
I thought Moncur only got a 1 game ban which he served against Bournemouth. He was sent off for 2 yellows.

Paolo at 15:10:36 Friday October 15 99
Ian - do they have books in America?

Paolo at 15:7:51 Friday October 15 99
Adam - I thought Moncs was suspended? Whoever Gricer is he's displaying an alarming level of knowledge of trainspotting!

Adam at 15:5:57 Friday October 15 99
Ian, have you read Dear Boy: The Life of Keith Moon. As a fan of The Who you will enjoy it. Its currently available for £9.99 in Books etc.

Gricer Bitch at 15:3:7 Friday October 15 99
Hey there Gricer. I love the way you take down those train numbers. Talk to me some more, make me moist

Ian in Dallas at 14:58:43 Friday October 15 99
"Welcome to my life, tattoo. We'll be a long time together me and you. Der der der di der der der der but the skin-graft man won't get you. You'll be there till I die. Tattoo...."

Adam at 14:57:32 Friday October 15 99
I have to agree Kitson should be first choice, I've always liked him and now he's fit lets play him. By the way, everyone has forgot about John Moncur, he's in our squad tomorrow, isnt he?

Gricer in the end of the platform, eating a jam sandwich at 14:56:36 Friday October 15 99
"Ooh, look: 46257, "City of Salford". I love those Duchesses. Of course, Stanier was a great mechanical engineer. You know, the Duchesses were built to compete with the Streaks on the ECML. Originally streamlined, but the streamlining was removed for ease of maintenance. Of course, 46256 and 46257 were never streamlined - you can tell because of the gap in the running plate forward of the cylinders. Derived from the Princesses, they were.....

Paolo at 14:46:7 Friday October 15 99
OK, OK, FJH was a lot worse, at least Wanchope moves about a bit (sometimes), I'm just getting so pissed off with him that I'm losing my perspective. But I don't go for this 'as long as he gets/makes a goal every game' argument at all - how many goals would we have got with Kitson playing instead? How many goals would we have got, just without Wanchope playing - if he wasn't there no one would be wasting balls passing them to him and Sincs/FLJ/Keller/etc would be getting more goals. Wanchope fucks up so many times, Kitson would only have to get one or two of those right and we'd get two or three goals instead of one every game. Kitson is a proven goal poacher, just what we need, Wanchope is just a big lunk. He isn't really talented at all, people say he doesn't know what he's going to do next, as if it was a plus factor, but it's simply that he really doesn't know what he's going o do next - because he's crap.

Suits You at 14:43:28 Friday October 15 99
Will you be dinging and donging merrily on high tonight sir?

Ian in Dallas at 14:36:7 Friday October 15 99
I hate this joining in six hours after everyone else. So, sorry to be late, but a) John Entwhistle (still my all-time favourite bass-player), b) Dogs (but The Who Sell Out has some great, great tracks including Tattoo: "Me and my brother were talking to each other 'bout what makes a man a man. Was it brain or brawn or the month you were born? We just couldn't understand.... ...Our old man didn't like our appearance. He said that only women wear long hair...." etc. Also "Rael") c). Steve Lomas over MVF any day.

Adam at 14:29:17 Friday October 15 99
I disagree, as crap as Wanchope has looked at times, the man is so unpredictable he can do anything at any time. Whereas FJH near his end for us was so bad and slow he didnt even look like getting a touch. I also think Wanchope is a handful in the air, as he proved against Adams and Keown. I'm still not convinced about Wanchope but getting rid of him is a bit extreme. Also a man that is assisting nearly every game with a goal cant be a liability surely.

Paolo at 14:28:15 Friday October 15 99
Niki - is there any way Alf's can be mofified to show your ip address when you post? That would stop people inpersonating others and might just make the loonies give up.

Paolo at 14:25:29 Friday October 15 99
I knew this would happen - all through the game on Wednesday I was shouting at Wanchope, but I knew in my guts that he'd asist a goal and then everyone would think he was worth playing. He is NOT worth playing, the guy is completely useless. OK so he 'made' the second goal, but if any of us had had that many attempts to control a ball and pass it in something like the right direction, sooner or later even the most cack handed of us would have got it right at least once. Believe you me this is another FJH, I was a voice in the wilderness for months on that one, but eventually H saw the light. Wanchope has got to go, or at least stay on the bench for a while until he sorts himself out. He's not just a waste of space at the moment, he's a liability.

adam at 14:19:22 Friday October 15 99
NO! Not Armstrong the bloke is hopeless. He cant shoot, cant head, cant control and can only run fast. Wanchope has been poor in the last few games but he is still setting up goals mainly from his heading (Bournemouth) or challenging defenders (Arsenal). Play Kitson on Sunday with Wanchope on the bench.

Bob Fleming at 14:17:59 Friday October 15 99
They really were a couple of tasty birds. If a little tough.

Paolo at 14:17:31 Friday October 15 99
Gary - we've already got Kitson! And then there's WWW lurking in the wings.

Gary at 14:13:2 Friday October 15 99
Paolo, I couldn't agree more. Porkchop is a liability-we need a new Target-Man to partner diCanio.Chris Armstrong is available according to press reports-and I think he could do a job for us.

Paolo at 14:12:1 Friday October 15 99
Not quite so worried now I've just had a look at the table, their home for is dodgy; won 2, drawn 0, lost 3 - with a home goal difference of -3!! They've played two games more than us for 4 points less. Maybe this is one we could do after all? If we really are top 5 we've got to be able to put away games like this (and Coventry!).

Paolo at 14:5:54 Friday October 15 99
Greetings Yossa, you must be the only person on here that no one has a chance of impersonating! I posted my e.mail address yesterday by the way. I'm a bit worried about Boro, especially after Coventry and Everton (I thought we'd get at least 3 out of that, if not 4 ior 6). We can do it on our day, but I fear not with Wanchope playing, it's like running out with 10 men.

Yossa at 13:57:51 Friday October 15 99
you go for a meeting and look what happens come on everyone lets talk about bourough talk about building a team in a effigy of yourself and old washed up alcholic who people think was better than he was then they take the specs off and realise what a pile of shit bryan robson= middlesbrough

Stu at 13:57:40 Friday October 15 99
Don't you mean "nonsense" Olw?

Stu at 13:56:50 Friday October 15 99
Griff leave the Daft Monkey alone.

Olw (th egenuine article) at 13:56:30 Friday October 15 99
Oops, Alf's has gone tits up. I'll be on my site if anyone want sto talk sense.

Daft Monkey at 13:56:16 Friday October 15 99
There's no need to be like that Griff! We're only having a laugh

Stu at 13:55:27 Friday October 15 99
Agreed Gary,5-3-2 is a load of fancy-dan management nonsense.We play best under 4-4-2.

Griff at 13:53:20 Friday October 15 99
I'm off, have a good wend, except the twat who's posting as me. COME ON YOU IRONS.

Rugby at 13:52:29 Friday October 15 99
Taufo'ou sent off. Yellow card for Phil Vickery for retaliation.

Gary at 13:51:33 Friday October 15 99
Paolo, I'm not convinced about 5-3-2.I don't think it suits the likes of Sinclair to have to chase back.I'd go with 4-4-2 every week.

daft Monkey at 13:49:48 Friday October 15 99
Apologies Jaques, you're quite right.Anyone going down the Ruskin tonight for a few beers and a fight?

Rugby at 13:49:45 Friday October 15 99
Eng 24 Ton 10

Jaques Brel at 13:48:14 Friday October 15 99
I'm belgian you daft monkey.

Jaques Brel at 13:48:13 Friday October 15 99
I'm belgian you daft monkey.

Jaques Brel at 13:48:12 Friday October 15 99
I'm belgian you daft monkey.

Jaques Brel at 13:48:12 Friday October 15 99
I'm belgian you daft monkey.

FiOS at 13:47:59 Friday October 15 99
Gricing? Is that true?

Paolo at 13:47:37 Friday October 15 99
Chaps, chaps - resist the urge, don't let Alf's descend into another Friday. If we all pull together we can drag it back to the sunny uplands of sanity (Mahoolah is excused) - come on now, all together... FOOTBALLLLLLL!!!!

Monkey No1 at 13:47:29 Friday October 15 99
Cheers Jacques you big French poof-we'll catch you later then.

Jaques Brel at 13:45:56 Friday October 15 99
There are obviously monkeys at work here. I'll be back later, I'm off to watch the rugby for a bit.

Paolo at 13:45:10 Friday October 15 99
Resit?!! Jesus effing christ!!!

Griff at 13:44:43 Friday October 15 99
Come on Mahoo-we know it was you-you always wank on during a Friday afternoon.Don't you ever do any work?

Paolo (desperately trying to resit the Friday on Alf's syndrome) at 13:44:32 Friday October 15 99
Whatever happened to the idea of 3,5,2 at home at 4,4,2 away?

Hannah at 13:44:23 Friday October 15 99
I was quite suprised to see you swearing like that Mahoolah . By the way - did you ever get a new car ??

Hannah at 13:43:10 Friday October 15 99
I wear womens clothes . If you lot are all wanking I shall have to have a poke. DOn't want to feel left out !!

Mahoolah at 13:41:18 Friday October 15 99
some cheeky scamp is pretending to be me having a wank

Griff at 13:40:49 Friday October 15 99
Indeed.

Mahoolah at 13:40:42 Friday October 15 99
Oh yes....very alright.It's funny Olw, I was just thinking about you.

Mahoolah at 13:40:30 Friday October 15 99
what an odd thing to happen on a friday.

Olw at 13:39:44 Friday October 15 99
Er..Mahoolah,you feeling alright?

Mahoolah at 13:38:13 Friday October 15 99
Oohhhh......Oohhhhhhh.......Yes,Yes,YESSSSSSSS!

Paolo at 13:37:57 Friday October 15 99
Mahoo - I could be your dad! How old are you?

Griff at 13:36:44 Friday October 15 99
I've been having one for the last hour-I would have thought you'd noticed.

Mahoolah at 13:36:25 Friday October 15 99
Trivia : Did you know that naked trainspotting is known as 'Gricing'. Gricers are the hard line trainspotters who eat red pepperamis and climb over fences to look at trains, all in the nude.

Paolo at 13:36:1 Friday October 15 99
My team for Sunday - Shaka, then Rio, Stimac and Margas at the back, Keller and Sincs on the wings, FLJ, Lomas and Cole midfield, and DiCanio and Kitson up front - subs: Wanchope, Forrest, Ruddock, Charles, Carrick. Cracking team! (But we all know H will play Ruddock, probably put Sincs on the left and make Lomas right wing back, and of course fucking Wanchope will be up front again!!!)

Mahoolah at 13:35:7 Friday October 15 99
anyone fancy a wank?

Newsfelch at 13:34:49 Friday October 15 99
AFTER SEALING his protracted £1.2m move 'home' Gary Charles now has another battle on his hands. The former Nottingham Forest, Aston Villa and Benfica defender has proved his fitness to Harry Redknapp and now intends to show the Hammers boss he is good enough for a place in his starting eleven. After weeks of rigorous training, the lifelong Hammers fan from Canning Town is feeling very much at home. "All I was concentrating on was trying to get fit," said Gary. "There was always going to be speculation about things like money with Benfica, but I can honestly say that wasn't a problem it was just down to my fitness. "West Ham were great all along. I talked to Harry every other day and he made it clear that he wanted me but had to make sure that I was fit. "I'm coming here because I'm ambitious and I want to win things. I've been at good clubs throughout my career and we've always pushed for things and I feel it's going to be exactly the same here."

Griff at 13:33:26 Friday October 15 99
It's not as if trains are hard to spot is it. Never saw the point of it, unless you were dead blind.

Garry in Grimthorpe at 13:33:15 Friday October 15 99
That last message was not from me.

Griff at 13:31:38 Friday October 15 99
Mahoolah - just got out I think. the way I play it could well last forever. Isn't trainspotting the 90s form of trainspotting?

Garry or Gary in Grimthorpe at 13:31:6 Friday October 15 99
How many "r"s are there in Gar(r)y? I'm never too sure. While I'm at it, here's another question:Who likes dressing up in womens clothing?

Mahoolah at 13:29:57 Friday October 15 99
You sound like my dad.

Paolo at 13:28:4 Friday October 15 99
Oh, it's a game - might have known. What is it with blokes and computer games? They're all obsessed with them here as well. Seems like a 90s form of train spotting to me.

Mahoolah at 13:26:41 Friday October 15 99
So you don't have any standing tickets then?

Mahoolah at 13:25:32 Friday October 15 99
Paolo, the game which has the name 'Half Life' has to end somewhere, cos they haven't built the cd rom yet that can go on forever.

Olw at 13:25:19 Friday October 15 99
Siggy: that's what I said!

Hannah at 13:24:39 Friday October 15 99
Oi you lot - I'm doing hospitality packages for the England v Scotland game. Seated match ticket, 3 course meal, complimentary bar before and after the match - normal hospitality stuff. Call me or e-mail me for more details - hannah_mitchell@hotmail.com

Mahoolah at 13:23:32 Friday October 15 99
My lunch consisted of chips, sausage, salt, vinegar, and tomato sauce. From Mr Woo's favourite chip shop. Griff : Have you killed thast big spidery thing with the huge dough sack yet? Or are you still in the Mesa base?

Olw at 13:23:19 Friday October 15 99
Talking of Rugby: 3-0

Hannah at 13:22:49 Friday October 15 99
OK OK - I'm voting for LOMAS !

Paolo at 13:21:10 Friday October 15 99
Either we've all lost it re typing, or Alf Is really Yossa! To be serious for a minute - surely the whole point of half life is that it doesn't end, it just gets half as radioactive, and then half again, and so on? Boring, I realise, but it's been nagging me.

Griff at 13:20:21 Friday October 15 99
Then again...

Griff at 13:18:5 Friday October 15 99
Mahoolah - didn't make it too end, my PC hung, I've just avoided getting squashed Star Wars esque. Lomas wouldn't look that manacing standing waiting in the line for the pool waring just a sock.

Paolo at 13:17:56 Friday October 15 99
fuck me Mahoo, what did you have for lunch?!

Mahoolah at 13:14:14 Friday October 15 99
Hello I'm back from lunch and making a bid for 4 in a row

Mahoolah at 13:13:54 Friday October 15 99
Joke : What did the nun do when she pulled the groaning handle? She ejaculated.

Mahoolah at 13:13:3 Friday October 15 99
He'd be even more handy with a pool ball in a sock.

Mahoolah at 13:12:25 Friday October 15 99
I think foe would look more menacing of the two if hanguns were involved, but i suspect Lomas would know what to do with a pool queue in a sock.

Frank C in the Windmill at 13:10:47 Friday October 15 99
Talking of Rugby, which nobody really was. Cracking night in town last night, hundreds of Aussies completley arseholed after they beat the US. I actually met a Hammers fan from down under. He informs me the are loads of Aussie Irons. Excellent.

Paolo at 13:10:5 Friday October 15 99
I'm a bit of a fan of Foe too, although his loyalty has got to be suspect, but I must come to the aid of young Lomas (despite the goatee!!). He's played very well recently, very solid, very hard working, and sometimes flashes of quite considerable talent. There's been one or two games where he's been the difference between winning and losing. I suspect those of us who actually go to games would choose Lomas over Foe if we had to. But it also has to be said they are very different players who play in quite different positions, so either you wouldn't choose between them (because they aren't replacements for each other), or else your choice would be based on the tactics needed for the day, rather than because one was better than the other.

Mahoolah at 13:1:30 Friday October 15 99
Griff : There's two endings, both of which cry out 'Look out for the sequel next year' I was a bit disappointed by the endings considering the tenseness of the rest of it.

Siggy at 13:1:0 Friday October 15 99
"Alf's would lose its raison d'etre if you knew who everyone REALLY was!" Hmmmmm.

Eddie in WORK at 12:56:41 Friday October 15 99
Scott & Eddie West Lower Row D Why don't you ever say hello to Eddie....Vic????????????

Substitute at 12:51:57 Friday October 15 99
I'm a substitute for another guy, I look pretty tall but my heels are high. The simple things you se are all complicated, I look pretty young but I'm just backdated …yeh

Olw at 12:43:24 Friday October 15 99
Hannah/Mahoo: not only does it lok like come but the dispenser groans when it "ejaculates" it at a pull of a "handle". Or am I thinking of a certain nun joke?

Griff at 12:42:21 Friday October 15 99
Foe gets my vote enall. plus I agree with Paolo, Kitson should start ahead of Wanchope.

Olw at 12:41:25 Friday October 15 99
Frank: I didn't need to be told that the "strides" comment was an imposter! But you're right about the IP address. However, Alf's would lose its raison d'etre if you knew who everyone REALLY was!

Frank C in The Windmill at 12:34:28 Friday October 15 99
Foe would definately get my vote over Lomas, Lomas has played well this year of the games I've seen. However, Foe plays the same type of ball winning game, but seems to be more likely to score as he supports the attack better. He also passes the ball a lot better. Oh and OLW on my last contribution to a thread here some arsehole(surprise surpise) claimed to be my goodself, you can't beat the old IP address being displayed to see who these wankers REALLy are.

Griff at 12:33:12 Friday October 15 99
Afternoon chaps. Mahoolah, how is half life supposed to finish?

Adam at 12:28:10 Friday October 15 99
I'm off down the pub for a swift half.

Paolo at 12:23:14 Friday October 15 99
Oh, magic - lunchtime and everyone disappears! I'm going to get a can of coke, I expect some activity on this site while I'm gone - or there will be trouble!

Paolo at 12:7:56 Friday October 15 99
Up to the end of the close, turn left, left again into Molesy Road, then right by the shops, and 200 yds and you're there. No distance at all, and I'm 46!

Paolo at 12:5:13 Friday October 15 99
We could have both - just get rid of Wanchope.

ecnirp at 12:3:59 Friday October 15 99
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.

Mahoolah at 11:58:10 Friday October 15 99
Hannah, the debate is that there's space for only one of them in the team, you have to choose one or the other. The fa won't let us have 12 men you know.

Hannah at 11:57:33 Friday October 15 99
Olw - you must lead as much an exciting life as i do - playing freecell and analysing soap in the toilets !!

Mahoolah at 11:56:38 Friday October 15 99
Olw: Thats Ironic, because the cum in our toilets looks like soap.......

Hannah at 11:56:0 Friday October 15 99
Morning all ! In the debate going on about MVF or Lomas - Obviously being a girl that knows nothing about football - I'd rate Lomas and MVF on a par with each other - They both have different strengths and weaknesses that complement each other.

Olw at 11:50:44 Friday October 15 99
Oh, and the new soap in our toilets looks like cum.

Olw at 11:48:6 Friday October 15 99
Paolo: we won't know until he plays. That's the whole point!

Olw at 11:47:28 Friday October 15 99
My vote goes to......MVF cos he ain't got freckles.

Mahoolah at 11:45:29 Friday October 15 99
My vote goes to......MVF cos he so big.

Mahoolah at 11:44:9 Friday October 15 99
Shall we take a moment to discuss the relative stregths and weaknesses of the the two midfield dynamos? Lomas : Good Control, average passing, good commitment, good tackling, fit as a flea, has a temper, looks like shaggy of scoobey doo, can run with ball, lacks pace, lacks aerial power despite his 5'11", has never looked like scoring since Crystal Palace at home, Loves West Ham, club captain, leadership qualities on pitch, if he controls his temper that is, Ginger hair. MVF : Average Control, long ball winning legs, very good pace when going, uses height well, has fucking big plates, wouldn't mess with him in a pub fight, good shot, improving all the time, sometimes dosen't look commited enough, goes missing in games, eccentric passing at times, often looks dangerous in oppositions box, has had at least two goals disallowed and has hit a post, caught in possession often, superb athlete, most expensive player. You've haerd the arguments, who gets your vote, please.....Vote Now!

Yossa at 11:43:32 Friday October 15 99
I like the carrot but then again hes a big fan of queen i can imagine with a big brain may mullet

Paolo at 11:42:6 Friday October 15 99
And - after Wanchopes recent 'performances', surely it's time for Kitson to get a start?

Paolo at 11:35:9 Friday October 15 99
Everyone seems very keen to play Charles - is he that good? Mahoo - can we have some units as well? Those numbers mean bugger all to me!

Olw at 11:29:42 Friday October 15 99
Yossa: Fuck it. Copper Top gets the nod then!

Olw aga in ! at 11:27:48 Friday October 15 99
Or maybe 4-3-3: Charles, Rio, Stimac,Keller; Foe, Lamps, Cole; Sincs, Paolo, Paulo.

Yossa at 11:26:11 Friday October 15 99
Im a big MVF fan but his suspended olw

Olw at 11:23:45 Friday October 15 99
What No Foe? I'd pick him ahead of carrot top any time. I'd play 3-4-3 as follows: Margas, Rio, Stimac; Charles, Foe, Lamps, Keller; Sincs, Paolo, Paulo.

Mahoolah at 11:11:38 Friday October 15 99
Paolo, I'm 37.2, or 980.4 in real terms. Yossa, I think you've hit the jackpot with that team. Trivia : Did you know that the Natwest Bank in telford is situated on Ironmasher Street.

Yossa at 11:5:34 Friday October 15 99
Suggested team for sunday Ive got a feeling Harry will stick to a 3-5-2 of Hislop Stimac Rio and Margas with Charles and Keller the wing backs with a midfield three of Lomas Lampard and Sinclair with the paulos upfront

Adam at 10:49:8 Friday October 15 99
Fios, its quite a good read, i've only read 200 pages out of a whopping 550, he has only been in The Who for a year but is already beginning to drink and take too many pills.

Olw at 10:45:8 Friday October 15 99
FioS: why? Is he wearing a dress and makeup?

Paolo at 10:43:59 Friday October 15 99
Mahoo - some of your postings could easily be mistaken for the writings of someone resident on Planet Weird. Anyway, re the Fat Bastard question - let's get down to the nitty gritty, what weight are we talking about here?

FiOS at 10:43:12 Friday October 15 99
or should that be biography?

FiOS at 10:39:53 Friday October 15 99
Yep, I'd go along with Keith Moon as favourite Who member. Whats the autobiography like btw? Vic looks like Eddie Izzard this morning.

Mahoolah at 10:33:55 Friday October 15 99
What do you mean old thing?

Paolo at 10:31:48 Friday October 15 99
Mahoo - has it ever crossed your mind that years of over doing the old wacky backy may have had some sort of accumulative effect?

Mahoolah at 10:31:42 Friday October 15 99
Paolo me old falafal, this is a conclusion which I was drawn to myself. I cannot explain it otherwise. Except perhaps my AFC Bournenouth 'Inter Milan' away strip was 3 years and 4 sizes inappropriate.

Olw at 10:31:32 Friday October 15 99
"Magic Bus" the best Who track? Entwhistle won't agree with you on that one (see the sleeve notes for the anniversary issue of "Live at Leeds"). I'd plump for "Young Man Blues" from the same album. Best single: "Substitute", best album - can only be "Who's Next". Classic stuff.

Mahoolah at 10:29:30 Friday October 15 99
Has anyone hards the track 'On my masturbike' by bad news? Its an absolute classic. A heavy guitar hook which simply exudes cunning and integrity, with lyrics that make me dream of forgotten islands in the oceans of eternia.

Paolo at 10:29:6 Friday October 15 99
Mahoo, my old lump of lard - strange that these kids should look at a not very fat person and start chanting 'you fat bastard' though - perhaps there was a fat bastard standing behind you and you didn't realise it?

Mahoolah in denial (possibly a little bit plump, but not fat. I am 6'3 though, and am a llowed big bones) at 10:26:47 Friday October 15 99
Not at all paolo me old bootrack. Thats how I knew the kids had got the wrong person.

Paolo at 10:25:31 Friday October 15 99
My typing seems to have gone Yossaish - must have been the effect of having to type 'masturbation' at 10:15 in the morning!

Olw at 10:21:43 Friday October 15 99
And whatever became of Ride? Did they ride off into the sunset and become Hurricane#1

Paolo at 10:19:59 Friday October 15 99
Mahoo - are yoo a fattish sort of bastard then?

Paolo at 10:18:25 Friday October 15 99
The second record I ever bought was the Who's Pictures of Lilly (I was horried years later to discover it was about masturbation!!). Best Who single - Happy Jack (closely followed by I Can See for Miles). Best Who album track - Magic Bus from Live at Leeds. (BTW my first ever record was the Tremeloes Even The Bad Times Are Good, but don't tell anyone that!)

Olw at 10:17:33 Friday October 15 99
Yossa: blow me. Jane's Addiction, Supergrass, Barking, West Ham - are you sure you are not me?

Mahoolah at 10:17:31 Friday October 15 99
When I went to Villa Park to watch TC nick an equaliser (after missing two clean through on the keeper), I was accosted on the train by Mr. and Mr. Middle aged caravan club brummies. They kept saying, 'but of course our ground is considerably larger than yours' and 'we've spent a considerably larger amount than you on players'. 'Our club is considerably larger than yoaaaaw!'. And then, a year later, Harry Enfield invented his funny character.

Mahoolah at 10:13:57 Friday October 15 99
I was at dean court once when some chanting was erroneosly directed at me A small group of kids had gathered and were chanting 'you fat bastard'. They obviously had the wrong person, but I didn't let on cos they looked like they were having a nice time.

Paolo at 10:12:22 Friday October 15 99
That Pumpin' on Your Stereo, or whatever it was called was one of the most blatant Stones rip-offs I've ever heard!

Adam at 10:11:36 Friday October 15 99
Currently reading Biography of Keith Moon, so i'll say he's my favourite member of The Who.

Paolo at 10:10:34 Friday October 15 99
Talking of Brummies - we were at a Villa game a few years back (the one where Dani came on as a last minute sub, chipped the defender, and we equalised - wonderful moment!), and behind us was a whole row of pissed Birmingham supporters all pretending the be Hammers. They kept getting the chants wrong and at one stage they had a long rambling conversation about where exactly we played! When the equaliser went in they went bananas!

Yossa at 10:8:1 Friday October 15 99
Another right back whats the point in that Harry. Readey wasnt it Paulo Alves. Fav member of the who Keith Moon. Olw the whiole supergrass album is brillant first saw them supporting Ride at the royal albert Hall in October 94. And Brummies well i still believe that there some kind of scentfic experiment

Paolo at 10:5:51 Friday October 15 99
Morning chaps. I'm not really into games, but I did once manage to get over 2,000 on solitaire (or patience!) - trouble is it was MINUS 2,000! Is this a record?

Readey at 9:53:53 Friday October 15 99
I remember at Derby a couple of seasons ago, it was the game where Miklosko decided to give it to Derby on a platter, the Derby fans hate Paul Kitson for being an ex-player and give him loads of shit, I think it was David Terrier came on for us and he did look a bit like Kitson and got loads of abuse off their fans, probably wondered what the fuck he had done wrong. The nemesis was last season we stuffed them 2-0 at their place and sang 'Kitosn,Kitson, whats the score' and he raised two fingers and a fist, marvellous.

FiOS at 9:53:6 Friday October 15 99
Mornin all. I see we're linked to yet another defender in the papers today.

Mahoolah at 9:33:12 Friday October 15 99
They would say that now wouldn't they.

Siggy at 9:29:45 Friday October 15 99
Brummie contacts assure me that they were booing the Beckham lookalike just for being sad enough to try and look like the Leyton sex-god. They were all very drunk, apparently.

Olw at 9:29:40 Friday October 15 99
Anyone heard "Mary" from the new Supergrass album. Killer keyboard hook. It'll be a smash if it's the next single.

Olw at 9:24:37 Friday October 15 99
I'm okay at "Campo Minato", shite at Freecell (press F4 for humiliating stats!!), embarrassing at Boxworld and Solitaire is just luck. I can, however, analyse a Beethoven sonata.

Gregor at 9:23:54 Friday October 15 99
A question for everyone- Who was your favourite member of The Who?

Rob at 9:9:5 Friday October 15 99
Rob's Thought for the Day: Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

Rob at 9:8:17 Friday October 15 99
Boxworld. What a nightmare.

Kristian, confused in Oslo, waiting for the weekend to kick off.... at 9:0:55 Friday October 15 99
Blimey...Harry`s buying ye another player?...how many ppl are there on the team now? Seems like Harry`s getting a new man each week. I`ve lost track....of it all. hehe.

Steve at 8:54:7 Friday October 15 99
When it comes to Freecell (and Boxworld) Lord Griff of Griffingham is the Master of The Universe. I, however, am King of South Park Fruit Machine.

Newsfelch at 8:36:36 Friday October 15 99
FOOTBALL: BILL'S RIGHT FOR HARRY WEST HAM have lined up a cut-price swoop for Cameroon international defender Romarn Billong. The 29-year-old right-back was at Upton Park for a medical yesterday and boss Harry Redknapp expects to tie up a pounds 300,000 deal within a week. Billong currently plays for French First Division outfit St Etienne. He helped them win the Second Division title last season and was previously with Caen and Lyon. "We are in negotiations with the player and his agent," said West Ham secretary Graham Mackrell

Mahoolah at 8:25:24 Friday October 15 99
I just remembered this - when I was watching the worthington cup highlights on Central the other week, there was a young lad playiong for Mancky 3rds called postlethwaite or something. Anyway, he was about the same stamp as beckham, blond hair, snub nose etc., but without the talent. The thing was, on the coverage, you could hear the stupid brummies booing him as iof he was beckham! And cheering when he fucked up! Stupid brummies. The young lad was a stunt double for the night.

Mahoolah at 8:21:20 Friday October 15 99
The Friday Question : Are Brummies thick?

Niki at 19:7:15 Thursday October 14 99
Talking of bad haircuts - check out www.mullet.co.uk

Ian in Dallas at 18:30:0 Thursday October 14 99
1. (Re: self-referencing): Dictionary definition: Recursive: see 'recursive'. 2. Not many people know this (re Solitaire, Freecell etc.) but there is a bug in Tetris: once you score over 32,000 (and something) it starts counting in reverse. How do I know that, you may ask. Well, I once had a very, very boring job. You tryu getting to 32,000+ in Tetris!

Paolo at 18:4:27 Thursday October 14 99
Griff - Scum played a C side! (If not a D or E!)

Griff at 17:47:8 Thursday October 14 99
Paolo - I'm surprised they even turned up. Having not ventured outside my flat today I haven't seen a paper, I presume Scum played a B side, which does slightly beg the question.....

Paolo at 17:40:44 Thursday October 14 99
Griff - if we were a pub side we could play the team Man U put out last night!

Olw at 17:17:53 Thursday October 14 99
Mahoo: I bet she's good at Boxworld too. I gave up on level 6 (of 10,000,000,000,000,000,006)

Griff at 17:15:45 Thursday October 14 99
Afternoon chaps. Harry may dispute the club being racist, but no-one has said anything about being likened to a pub side.

Paolo (in triplicate) at 17:2:54 Thursday October 14 99
referencing! Bugger!!

Paolo at 17:1:54 Thursday October 14 99
BTW - Where's Rob the Dodd these days? I almost miss him drooling over Hannah's bodily parts.

Paolo at 17:1:5 Thursday October 14 99
Mahoolah, my old garden rake - it was that bit about what if being yourself involved hero worship. Excellent. It's what the nerds around here call a self referening loop (I think). But I wish I hadn't mentioned that now.

Mahoolah at 16:46:9 Thursday October 14 99
Why so, paolo me old thathced cottage?

Paolo at 16:42:6 Thursday October 14 99
Trevor Brooking dodgy hair?!! Just check out a few other barnets of that period, our Trev was a model of restraint. Mind you the sideburns were a bit OTT.

Paolo - in blue! at 16:40:59 Thursday October 14 99
I don't think I'd want to be perfect (in whose eyes, anyway?!), I think I'd just like to be a better version of me. In fact I'd just settle for having more hair and a knee that wasn't fucked! Mahoo - thanks to you I've just had to explain to assembled computer nerds why I suddenly burst out laughing!

Mahoolah at 16:38:45 Thursday October 14 99
Samoa 38 - Wales 31 with 2 minutes to go....GO ON SAMOA!!!

Mahoolah at 16:37:5 Thursday October 14 99
That was me wot posted that I'll have you know.

Olw at 16:36:38 Thursday October 14 99
Its a women thing I think, Olw old cheroot. My missus (Twitchy the tramp) is a master at it, and I'm made to feel inferior about it. Solitaire is easier.

oLW at 16:33:42 Thursday October 14 99
Hannah - maybe I have the brain the size of a pea, but it beats me every time. I just had four attempts at one game and was stumped on every occasion.

Captain at 16:31:2 Thursday October 14 99
We're sinking, abandon ship

Olw at 16:16:44 Thursday October 14 99
Yossa: if I put my email address up, will you tell me about your life as a rock 'n' roll star in early 1990's Barking?

Hannah at 16:14:53 Thursday October 14 99
Yossa - any sign of " little Yossa " Yet ?? and how is mrs yossa getting on ??

Hannah at 16:14:2 Thursday October 14 99
Olw - whats the problem with freecell ?? I often play it whilst at work to alleviate the boredom. I have mastered it to a tee !!

Hannah at 16:12:21 Thursday October 14 99
I take it that Trevor Brooking is todays main topic of conversation then - I can remember having a poster of him up in my classroom when i was at Infant school. He had a really dodgy hair cut !!

Olw at 16:11:33 Thursday October 14 99
Anyone play Freecell on here? Fucking game.

Hannah at 16:9:30 Thursday October 14 99
AFternoon all -

Mahoolah at 16:8:21 Thursday October 14 99
What if being yourself entails hero worship? You'd be a bit stuck constantly trying to emulate someone else in order to find yourself.

Olw at 16:6:47 Thursday October 14 99
Alas, we are not all perfect.

Yossa at 16:0:45 Thursday October 14 99
Paulo put your email address up and i can tell you the full details mate I dont particular want to put up on the net all the stuff so if you are interested I'll tell you

Paolo at 15:59:53 Thursday October 14 99
Is it not better to just be yourself?

Mahoolah at 15:48:9 Thursday October 14 99
I'd love to have Trev's analytical skills, so I could make it on TV.

Olw at 15:45:51 Thursday October 14 99
Heroes are men who inspire. In the case of footballers, young kids (like me and Yossa in the 70's) look up to them and hope to emulate their achievements. I'd still love to have TB's footballing skill if not his political ideology.

Rude Boys Outta Jail at 15:35:10 Thursday October 14 99
Have you heard the latest News, Rudi got married.

Mahoolah in Sisyphus' realm at 15:32:44 Thursday October 14 99
I've never dumped my impossible burden on anyone. I'm off to roll some boulders up a hill.

Mahoolah at 15:31:22 Thursday October 14 99
Yes I was only joking.

Mahoolah at 15:30:45 Thursday October 14 99
Are you suggesting John Lennon and Nelson Madela are also Torys??!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!

Paolo at 15:27:2 Thursday October 14 99
But why do we need heros? John Lennon, Trevor Brooking, Nelson Mandella - all great men in their own fields and all did things to aspire to, but, as has been said, all no doubt flawed, so why can't we just take them as they are? Why do we have to dump the impossible burden of being a heros onto them?

Adam at 15:22:9 Thursday October 14 99
"Cos When you're down on the bottom, there's nothing left, but Shout to The Top"

Dazza at 15:20:58 Thursday October 14 99
Hello chaps, anyone talking sense today??

Mahoolah at 15:18:57 Thursday October 14 99
Edwin : I thought Barings bank got turned over by that Leeson bloke.

Olw at 15:18:4 Thursday October 14 99
I idolised Trevor as a footballer and don't give a shit about him as a person. Same with all the other people in history. No one is flawless. There would be no heroes is perfection was a criterion.

Mahoolah at 15:17:34 Thursday October 14 99
Oh dear. Mr. Brooking a tory? I never thought it could happen. I still like that stantions stuck super shot he did for england though, even if it was a tory shot.

Paolo at 15:9:32 Thursday October 14 99
Brooking a Tory?! Fuck me, you can't believe in anything these days.

Paolo at 15:7:16 Thursday October 14 99
Yossa - you're spot on about Vic tG, I was thinking much the same the other day when he (if it was him) was trotting out all that right-wing shit. The reason I asked about the mixed race bit was that I was dating an Anglo/Asian woman for years and thought we were going to get married too (unfortunately it wasn't to be). I was just interested in how it works - reactions from others, racism, problems with the two families, etc. We only got the occasional racist remarks when we were together, so that wasn't too bad (although still pretty upsetting at the time), but I think that's because she was a woman, her brothers had it much worse and it really affected them. I sometimes wonder if it affected her more than I realised as well. It's an evil thing racism, much nastier and more damaging than most people realise. You have to be on the end of it to really appreciate how deep it goes - even the casual/unthinking stuff. Half the time people don't even realise they're doing it.

Yossa at 15:5:43 Thursday October 14 99
The one the only Brooking. The main he was a god to me. First he admits hes a tory and then that I suppose the old testenment was right never worship false idols

Eddie Gilbert in at work at 15:5:25 Thursday October 14 99
test

Mahoolah at 15:4:35 Thursday October 14 99
Just a quick thought abut american sitcoms and why I don't like them. They all follow the same formula, and have a team of scriptwriters that work on them. Sometimes the scriptwroiters aren't very good, but because the formula is a successful one they still get a fair audience. Think of "Cybil". When the criptwriters are particularly good, the show is a massive hit because the formula works. Think of "Friends". Why then did not like friends. Why is is that I can't watch it when half of my office, the pub, the world can;t get enough of it. The only way to explain it is crisps. I like crisps. I would like to equate the flavour on a crisp with the quality of the script of a US Sitcom. The type of flavour equates to the type of sitcom. Lets say Friends is Cheese and onion and Cybil is Tomato sauce. Some packets of Cheese and onion are a bit weak, but generally have a good strong flavour. Most packets of Tomamto sauce flavour are too sugary, don't pack any punch and don't satisfy, but some people still buy them. The sucfcessful formula is the crisp. The good script is the flavour. I realised after thinking about this for a while, that I only like worcester sauce flavour crisps, but I'd prefer good dry roasted peanut any day.

FiOS at 15:0:14 Thursday October 14 99
We're losing power here soon. So terrar til tomorrow. Is it safe?

Mahoolah at 14:54:6 Thursday October 14 99
Yossa : Which trevor?

Mahoolah at 14:50:20 Thursday October 14 99
I'd prefer to see them as just players rather than black or white players. I think the issue of Black or white in a team became redundant when ron noades said his peice about black players not being able to play in the winter. Everyone told him he was a silly sod and disagreed with him thus defining our attitudes today. I don't think its been an issue since. Perhaps on the terraces, but not on the pitch.

FiOS at 14:47:34 Thursday October 14 99
Vic likes to think he's a bit of a joker. And although more often than not it backfires, he'll try to wind you up a bit thats true. 'Is it safe?' - yes thats him. So some of it may have been Vic. But I don't think it's always his comments you read. But I can't really say to be honest. It doesn't sound like him sometimes. And he claims it isn't him. So..?

Yossa at 14:41:49 Thursday October 14 99
Olw he did become a tosser on olws but it was in a sad way really I mean we all ribbed him but then and again you get the odd serious point for discussion but the bloke is i suspect behind some of the more annoying comments on this page. On the subject of race and football a while ago about a 4-5 moths ago west ham unvieled this new football in the community through various contacts work and someone who works at the same school s my mother I wangled an invite it was quite interesting press and everything. The saddest part was when Trevor my idol when asked by radio 5 about asian footballers he said there were several on the books and in the current youth team. However Trevor went on to add almost well they aint got the physique for it and stuff like that and i sat there thinking let the ground open up

Readey at 14:39:10 Thursday October 14 99
Having a token black in a film/advert etc.. is known as positive rascism I think and is more crass and cynical than your ignorant bigot. Wasn't Alf Garnett created by Johnny Speight to mock people with bigoted attitudes. Seems apt to point out as I'm staring at him now.

Joke at 14:38:0 Thursday October 14 99
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man', Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you. He'll also need your advice to think properly. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack." "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?" "Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

Olw at 14:29:25 Thursday October 14 99
Tommy: indeed, but happily things are better now and the blacks we have are arguably the best players we have (at least Rio and Sincs if not Abou!)

Another juicy tale of rascism for you to get your teeth into at 14:26:5 Thursday October 14 99
Tribe seeks £4m for helping British at Mafeking By Anton La Guardia in Mafeking THE Barolong tribe, which fought on the side of the British at the Siege of Mafeking, has submitted a claim for nearly £4 million for unpaid wages on the 100th anniversary of the conflict. British diplomats have responded to the request, made on behalf of hundreds of blacks who fought at Mafeking, with little more than a polite promise that it would be considered. The British garrison's ability to hold Mafeking for 217 days against superior Boer forces turned its commander, Col Robert Baden-Powell, into a Victorian hero. The Barolong lost 264 people in the fighting, compared with 67 members of the British forces and 90 people from other groups. But when a relief fund of £29,000 was raised in Britain to restore Mafeking, not a penny went to the Barolong. Baden-Powell later drew inspiration from the siege of Mafeking to found the Boy Scouts movement. Outside the town, at a new scouting centre, an eternal flame is dedicated to the colonel. But as South Africa commemorates the centenary of the Boer War of 1899-1902, the price paid by Africans in the siege of Mafeking is being belatedly acknowledged. Baden-Powell, the Chief Scout who exhorted boys to be chivalrous and do good deeds, is now regarded by researchers as a callous racist, if not an outright war criminal. Whites in Mafeking received far more generous rations than Africans, who had to pay for food and often had their supplies commandeered by the British Army. As supplies ran low, hundreds of Africans were forced to try to break through the lines of Boer besiegers under a cynical policy of "leave here or starve here". At a Christmas banquet in 1899, the leading whites were treated to a sumptuous feast including oyster patties, calves' tongues, several varieties of meat joints and Christmas pudding. But on the same day, the town magistrate, Charles Bell, wrote about how he was haunted by the sight of Africans begging for food. A new commemorative plaque being unveiled today recalls "all those who suffered during the events of 100 years ago, especially women, children and the African people whose contribution has never been acknowledged". It is a symbolic attempt to correct the history of the siege. Chief Setumo Montshioa, the headman of the Barolong, said: "We regard Baden-Powell as a criminal. He deceived us. Our grandfathers suffered a lot. We lost our cattle and most of our soldiers were killed." Stanlake Kukama, 80, a former teacher and British soldier who heads the Barolong's compensation committee, said: "We fought the war with the British because of the Queen. We respected kingship and the Barolong used to call Queen Victoria 'the Mother of the People'. We were promised that the land taken by the Boers would be given back to us. But after the war, the British united with the Boers against what they called the Black Peril. The black man was treated as an animal." Pat Hopkins and Heather Dugmore argue in a recent book on the siege, The Boy: The Drama of the Siege of Mafeking, that Baden-Powell was a war criminal. They note that of the 2,000 people who died during the siege, about 1,000 were blacks. Geoffrey Phillips, curator of the museum at Mafikeng, as the town has been renamed, said: "From the tactics of the siege, Baden-Powell was the right man in the right place at the right time. But he was not a hero." Mr Phillips said Barolong recruits should be credited with many heroic deeds, not least their ability to rustle cattle from Boer farms, slip through enemy lines and bring the animals to Mafeking to feed the garrison.

Olw at 14:21:33 Thursday October 14 99
Yoss: the transformation of Vic baffled me too. He was also a right fucking idiot on Olw's and that also made me wonder if he was behind some of the more vile creations on this page.

Tom my at 14:18:46 Thursday October 14 99
Olw,there may have been a time 4-5 years back when there were no black geezers in the side.I suspect that this may have had more to do with the fact that there were no blacks good enough.If i thought for one moment that we would be forced to play a chap BECAUSE of his colur(and not because he is talented)to fit some idealistic game plan i would shoot myself...................ok,form a queue to help with the trigger........Tom

Yossa at 14:5:26 Thursday October 14 99
FiOS you work with Victor What hsa happened to turn Vic into the tosser we see before us today in the old days of ALF he was a nice gooner but these days the bloke is just a fucking prick. i suspect that vic was Bubba on these very pages

Mahoolah at 13:49:33 Thursday October 14 99
We used to chilli beers in the pub I worked in. Some peopole always wentr over the top though. I came second in the Chilli vodka snorting competition. The guy who was first in now in prison.

Olw at 13:46:38 Thursday October 14 99
I dunno. I remember a time when we had NO black players in the squad and that was only about 4 or 5 years ago. Teams like Wimbledon and Palace (from similar working class London areas) have always had loads of players from ethnic backgrounds. The asian question is another matter. So much untapped potential there. I hope Bury's (I think) signing of the no1 Indian player is a success and helps asians to get into the game. Ian: I think you have to be over 90 to think William Hague is the best thing since sliced bread and that's not a good age to be playing footy.

Ian in Dallas at 13:40:21 Thursday October 14 99
Sorry - that should be '15% of the squad'.... It's 7:40 in the morning here, I've ben awake since 4:45 and I'm not at my sparkling best.

Ian in Dallas at 13:39:2 Thursday October 14 99
' mornin' all. Thanks for all the various inputs re last night's game. I forget who said it but yes, the fact that we're now winning these games is a sign of how far we've come. Olw: you raise an interesting point re the squad reflecting society more accurately. Should this be our aim? In which case, from where I'm sitting, we need to add some women, a gay, several players who are on or below the poverty line - and, of course, we'd need to do a survey to ensure that only 15O the squad think William Hague is the best thing since sliced bread. Just a thought. Oh, and last night at the bar, I saw something which amazed me (but which might not amaze you): we all know American beer, with few exceptions, is crap - but I saw a guy order a Bud Lite on draught and then put salt and Tabasco in it. Honest! This is some strange country....

Yossa at 13:34:37 Thursday October 14 99
Cheers vic for your support yet again yep Paulo im in mixed race marriage but then so were my parents and it aint never done me no harm

Mahoolah at 13:26:15 Thursday October 14 99
Olw : I see. I don't think we had any less than any other club. I think it was footbll as a whole that did not reflect society accurately. You could level the same accusation today : Asian footballers

Mahoolah at 13:24:43 Thursday October 14 99
30's i meant.

Olw at 13:24:31 Thursday October 14 99
Mahoo: what I meant was that it took WHU a long time to get a squad that reflected society more accurately. There was always the odd black player (Best, Ince, Parris - the hero during my ST days) but never more than that until recently.

Mahoolah at 13:22:9 Thursday October 14 99
I thought he waqs in the 30'2 and wasn't a proper pro......I meant full time proffesional players

Olw at 13:20:28 Thursday October 14 99
Albert Johansson was it?

Tom my at 13:4:3 Thursday October 14 99
Leeds had a coloured bloke playing for them in the 50's/60's (Albert someone?) Tom

Brilliant at 13:2:21 Thursday October 14 99
I'n't that Pamela Anderson brilliant? I bet she's seen a lot of spume in her time

Mahoolah at 12:56:18 Thursday October 14 99
Paolo : Not me mate. Olw: Weren't West Ham actually the first club to have black players : Clyde Best and Ade Coker?

Paolo at 12:36:13 Thursday October 14 99
Mahoo - was that you? (the horses bit) Just been checking through the squad list from last night's programme and I've come to two conclusions: 1) when they're all fit we're going to have an awful lot of defenders!, 2)I don't know who most of the kids are. What positions do Coyne, Angus, Alexander and Forbes play in?

Olw at 12:34:12 Thursday October 14 99
Hammers certainly were slow in getting black players (but not as slow as Everton). Who knows if that had anything to so with perceived rascism in the east end. Did coloureds choose not to come here due to what they had heard about nazi thugs in the chicken run?

FiOS at 12:18:13 Thursday October 14 99
Who was the last Premier league club to sue a newspaper?

Brilliant at 12:13:57 Thursday October 14 99
Aren't horses brilliant? They're just like old-fashioned cars... but without windscreens.

Anon at 12:8:56 Thursday October 14 99
Evidently i had a seizure when typing last message.How about."Donald Duck knows.There was a sound and valid reasons eons ago.The i went back to posting as Tom,but 3-4 others called Tom started posting on Manglers,so it is back to the Tom my bit.

Anon at 12:7:21 Thursday October 14 99
Donald Duck knows. There was a siund and valid reason eons ago,i started to post as Tom,and lo and behold,a few other "Tom's" appeared from nowhere to muddy the waters,so pag to the gap.

Vic the Gooner at 12:3:24 Thursday October 14 99
Mixed race marruages never work.

Mahoolah at 12:0:35 Thursday October 14 99
Clyde Best! What a hero he was!

Paolo at 11:55:29 Thursday October 14 99
Tom - why do you always post as 'Tom my'? Or am I missing something obviious?

Paolo at 11:54:16 Thursday October 14 99
Yossa - did you say your's was a mixed race marriage?

Tom my at 11:53:33 Thursday October 14 99
John Charles,Ade Coker and Clyde Best,all in the same team.Yeah those Hammers are sooooooooooooooo racist! Tom

Geoff Pikes Beard at 11:46:24 Thursday October 14 99
I'd like to see that young frank lampard get a bit of a beard, like his father.

Paolo at 11:42:59 Thursday October 14 99
Excellent - sue the bastards, the more those comics get stuffed the better.

Anon at 11:38:37 Thursday October 14 99
The Mirror.

Paolo at 11:36:38 Thursday October 14 99
Anyway, who are we going to sue - where did all this stuff come from?

Geoff Pike' Beard in a jar on Geoff's mantlepeice. at 11:35:11 Thursday October 14 99
I won a few medals, if if Geoff didn't.

Paolo at 11:31:49 Thursday October 14 99
Do we have more black players than any other club in the country? Not having a go at H, but this does seem rather unlikely. Mind you, when I first got my season ticket I don't remember us having any (very odd for an East London side), so as H says that hardly indicates he's a racist.

yOSSA at 11:28:37 Thursday October 14 99
Now come on Sharon Dickens was playing in the shadow of probably English football's most gifted attacking midfielder and neil orr and pikey werent too bad it was the facial hair that let them down

Carl at 11:25:0 Thursday October 14 99
HAMMERS TO SUE AFTER BERKOVIC BOOK LIES - West Ham have hit back at Eyal Berkovic's claims that Harry Redknapp's side is "racist... and run like a pub side." The original claims, were made by a newspaper noting comments made in Berkovic's forthcoming book. Now West Ham acknowldge that the Israeli never made those claims. "West Ham will take legal action in this matter," said a furious Redknapp after his side's 2-0 victory over Bournemouth. "I am totally disgusted and I cannot believe this has happened. I have spoken to Eyal and he is totally distraught. He never said those things in his book. We have had his book translated and there is nothing in there which suggests anything about this club being racist. I have more black players than any other club in the country and my best friend is Jewish, how dare they accuse me of being racist. It is in the hands of the chairman now and we are going to sue."

Anon at 11:19:40 Thursday October 14 99
Fuck me if that Ugly Scottish Midget Gail Porter can pull that blpke out of prodigy there's hope for us all. Lucky bitch.

Anon at 11:16:1 Thursday October 14 99
Fuck me, if that ugly fucker from Prodigy can pull Gail Porter there's hope for us all. Lucky cunt.

Adam at 11:6:22 Thursday October 14 99
I've just been comparing this side to the ones I watched through my years. I started going in 1983, and with the exception of 1 season (85/86), we were always crap in the top flight. The days of watching Alan Dickens, Neil Orr, Geoff Pike, Paul Brush, Steve Walford, David Kelly, Allen McKnight, Gary Strodder, Mike Small and many more useless players has now been replaced by the likes of Paolo Di Canio, Trevor Sinclair, Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard, Shaka Hislop, Joe Cole etc. Thank you God.

Tom in my at 10:56:13 Thursday October 14 99
Bournemouth were a fairly tight well organised side "up for it" but lacking in any real class. That said,you still have to breakdown a very determined side and stick the ball in the net. We did look comfortable and at time had 10 men in their half for long periods. Rio looked very comfortable and had huges amounts of space to troll forward looking like a beagle puppy on the ice for the first time. 5 years ago,we would have been panicking with the crowd getting on the teams back.I think it is a sign of how far we have come that we can win games comfortably,but only be doing just enoug of whats required.

Paolo at 10:53:59 Thursday October 14 99
Thank God Razor didn't teach him how to run!!

Adam at 10:50:35 Thursday October 14 99
Did anyone watch Carlton Sport? They were raving about us, Gooner Bob Wilson said this was Harry's best team ever and Paul Elliot agreed. Then a high pitched Joe Cole was interviewed (are we sure he's nearly 18) and said Razor had taught him how to tackle.

Paolo at 10:49:38 Thursday October 14 99
Mahoo - according to the programme Bournemouth used to be known as Bournemouth and Boscombe Athletic, which is presumably where your weird chant came from (but then you knew that already, of course!). BTW I didn't hear your chant last night (although they did make a lot of noise). Going back to our 'can you make 2 WHU teams?' conversation, I was shocked to discover how many players I'd forgotten. I completely forgot Margas (I think I'd have to play him instead of Potts), and I forgot we'd signed Charles at last (replacement for Sinclair as RWB?), not to mention a host of kids from 23 onwards - and of course WWW!

FiOS at 10:45:56 Thursday October 14 99
Mornin' all. I agree with Adam. Ok so it wasn't the exihibition game we all wanted but we won in what could have been a difficult game. These minnows are always up for these cup ties. They have nothing to lose which is an advantage. With regards to the resting of players. I seem to remember Frank Lampard Jnr saying that he didn't understand why players would want to rest and as far as he was concerned he wanted to play as many games as possible. I agree. Why should players be rested? If you love the game you would want to play as much as possible.

Yossa at 10:26:40 Thursday October 14 99
Bring on the brummies and Sarcen I did mention that earlier and now that gladatiors has finished are you still as camp as fuck

Mahoolah at 10:20:30 Thursday October 14 99
Come on you cherries!

Saracen in in fear at 10:3:59 Thursday October 14 99
This Scotland game worries me. The Euro 96 game was anybody's, until tactical mastermind Venebles sorted us out at half time and Gazza ca,e up with his piece of magic. Scotland will be hugely up for it, Brown has got them well organised and they've at least been winning lately. They are better than they were at Euro 96. Now 3 years later we have a tactical dunce in charge, no-one capable of doing a Gazza, and Shearer 2 yards slower. A predictable formation, style of play and a manager who's team talk will be 'get stuck in'. This game is 50:50.

Adam at 9:49:36 Thursday October 14 99
Blimey, the way everyone is going on, you'd think we'd lost. I thought J.Cole had a good game, his tackling was very impressive, the backheel was sublime and he set up the second goal with a long pass out of defence to Di Canio. The only drawback was a few misplaced passes and his greedy shot in the first half. Wanchope was crap, but at least he taunted the Bournemouth fans when we scored our second. Their fans singing was getting on my nerves, someone should have told them it was only The Worthless. I'm only taking this seriously when we are 90 mins from Wembley.

Paolo at 9:32:14 Thursday October 14 99
Sorry, got a bit wound up last night - needed to let off steam.. Going to lie down now. Calm, calm, calm.

Paolo (calming down, but not much) at 9:31:27 Thursday October 14 99
And Harry - for God sakes use your subs!!!!!! How many more times do we have to say it?!! They're not there just to replace injured players or give someone 5 minutes of experience of playing at UP, they are part of the squad, they are there to be used - you have 14 players available, not just 11, so PLEASE USE THEM!!!!!

Paolo at 9:29:17 Thursday October 14 99
Oh, and Stimac still has the longest shorts I've ever seen, but otherwise had a so-so game, and Wanchope was UTTER UTTER UTTER CRAP!!!!!! Why oh why did that fucking great clown get such a good send off when he went off? (Unless we were just so glad to see him go?!) He is a great big waste of space. Unfortunately he made the second goal (in that he was in the right place and just for once managed to kick the ballin the right direction at the right pace) so I suppose H will use that as justification for playing him again. Make no mistake, he is not up to Premier standard and should not be on the pitch - we are effectively playing 10 men with that clown on the pitch. Kitson should start every game, I'm not even sure Wanchope deserves to be on the bench.

Paolo at 9:25:1 Thursday October 14 99
FLJ played the whole game and had a pretty good game, although not outstanding, PDC was a bit below par, sinclair ditto, but Rio looked back to his best (bar the usual one terrible mistake every game!), Ruddock had a surprisingly good game, Keller had one of his best (how incinsistent is that bloke?!), Foe was his usual mixture of calm and clown, Cole had one or two impressive moments, but is a long way from matching all the hype. Bournemouth played well, they play very nice football, and outplayed us on a few occasions, but the gap between the divisions was obvious, and they never really threatened (although there were a couple of nicely struck attempts that nearly went in), I wouldn't be surprised if they go up this season. All in all I think it was just a typical League Cup performance against a lower division side - we just had to grind out a win and we did. But at least we won, and kept a clean sheet and did it by playing decent football - quite an improvement on previous seasons!

Yossa at 9:20:47 Thursday October 14 99
On the england scotland game. I have a bad feeling that Craig Brown will pull something out of the bag and make might mouse look like the bumbling idiot he is

Yossa at 9:14:42 Thursday October 14 99
The two players I wanted to see rested were in particular lomas and lamparad. Lomas was sensibly not included by frank has played and carried westham to a cetain extent since jokerit and his role in midfield is one which needs the player to be at full fitness and I felt that this was the perfect time to let the lad have a rest

Rob at 8:59:5 Thursday October 14 99
Yossa, we only beat them 2-0 with (practically) our full team out. They would've beathen us had we had anymore reserves than Cole playing. Incidentally, Sinclair had an off night, but Cole is FUCKING MILES away from the first team if he struggles against a 2nd division team. He's got a lot to learn. Birmingham, then Villa, then Totts, then Arsenal. Lovely Jubbley.

Yossa at 8:50:44 Thursday October 14 99
Im a big fan of Harry's but last night was pure stupidty on his part playing frank was stupid. We keep hearing how football these days is a squad game so why dont we rotate our squad for what should have been an easy game. We have carrick moncur foe and Lomas Sinclair any two of these could have been the midfield pair last night. I think Frank needs some rest and so does di canio

Newsfelch at 8:26:35 Thursday October 14 99
Harry Redknapp has blasted reports that West Ham are ''racists'' and equal to a ''pub team'', stating that the club are set to take legal action. Redknapp is disgusted by newspaper reports and dismissed the story as totally fabricated. The West Ham boss spoke to Eyal Berkovic, who was alleged to have made the comments about his former club and claimed the Israeli midfielder never said those things. ''West Ham will take legal action in this matter,'' said a furious Redknapp after his side's 2-0 victory over Bournemouth. ''I am totally disgusted and I cannot believe this has happened. ''I have spoken to Eyal and he is totally distraught. He never said those things in his book. ''We have had his book translated and there is nothing in there which suggests anything about this club being racist. ''I have more black players than any other club in the country and my best friend is Jewish, how dare they accuse me of being racist. It is in the hands of the chairman now and we are going to sue.'' However, the West Ham boss went on to praise his players for their performance in the match claiming that it was a no-win situation for them. ''It was difficult for us and it was one of those games that as a manager you hate. ''It was a no-win situation and I thought the lads played very well to make sure they won. ''In the end it was comfortable and I always felt it was in control.''

Andyinottawa in Ottawa - where else? at 4:3:21 Thursday October 14 99
I see way down this list that Gregor actually listed Canadians among his hated people list! I'm so excited: our (I can say that having become a citizen some years ago) national psyche usually assumes we're too bland to be hated. I guess it sums it up that we were only 7th of the 8 on his list. But help me out Gregor, what did we do to get on your list? Meanwhile, I see that Harry's claiming that Berkovic's comments have been mistranslated, but they certainly livened up Alf's for a day.

Ian in Dallas at 22:39:47 Wednesday October 13 99
It said in the f365 report that West ham lacked FLJ's usual drive in midfield - but he got the second. Wasn't he on from the start? Was Wanchope as bad as F365 made out? I couldn't make out from the F365 report whether we were lucky not to lose it or unlucky not to win by 10. And M: wasn't it you who said 2-0? Congratulations!

Paolo at 18:5:8 Wednesday October 13 99
Mahoo - I know you're not there any more (!) but hopefully you'll page down tomorrow - I was thinking about the 'name two WHU teams' thing, and I reckon we're pretty close to being able to do it (injuries allowing!). I don't know enough about the kids to come up with 2x11, but they are obviously the missing pieces to the jigsaw.

Paolo at 18:2:25 Wednesday October 13 99
"For evil to triumph it is only necessary for good men to do nothing."

Niki at 17:52:35 Wednesday October 13 99
On yeah, I'm off ti the Boleyn see ya there people!

Niki at 17:51:41 Wednesday October 13 99
I'm not justifying anything. If I thought about it for too long I wouldn't associate with football, West Ham or half the people I know. I was just trying to make the point that racism exists at a fundamental level in football and it's not worth getting your knickers in a twist over.

Hartman at 17:33:31 Wednesday October 13 99
There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless!

Ron Manager at 17:31:30 Wednesday October 13 99
Beans on toast? Possibly, but don't quote me on that

FiOS at 17:23:52 Wednesday October 13 99
I know we've done this to death and I promise not to mention it again. But one last thing Berkovic claims he hated it from the moment he joined WHU. Yet I have him on a hammers video (97/98)claiming to enjoy his time at West Ham and in particular the joking around with John Moncur during training. So he's definitely fibbing. Finally COME ON YOU IRONS! Goodnight.

FiOS at 16:59:40 Wednesday October 13 99
Newsfelch - I was going to say that Berkovic's comments sounded like sour grapes. West Ham 5 Bournemouth 0 COME ON YOU IRONS!! See you tomorrow.

Mahoolah at 16:54:46 Wednesday October 13 99
Ian : And her eyes seemed to see straight through you....... Paolo : Its quite interesting that. Perhaps the next step would be to name two West Ham sides of equal strength. The youth players would have to get involved I think. I don't have time at the moment though, to complete the task, as the 5 o clock siren is about to go off in my head,and I'll be gone, gone gone.

Paolo at 16:50:33 Wednesday October 13 99
Mahoo (and anyone else who's still here) - thinking about your top WHU team yesterday, it occurred to me that we almost have a situation now where there is a first rate player (and Ruddock) to replace almost all the first choice players, but there are one or two positions where I'm not sure who would replace who (whom?). Here is my 'first choice' team, with replacements in brackets - anyone care to dispute my choices, point out my complete lack of understanding of football positions, or fill in the blanks.................. GK-Shakka (Forrest), CB-Rio (Stimac), LB-S Pearce (Ruddock), RB-I Pearce (Potts), LWB-Minto (Keller), RWB-Sinclair (?), MF-Lomas (Moncur), MF-FLJ (Cole?), MF-Foe (Moncur?), ST-DiCanio (?), ST-Kitson (Wanchope)

Ian in Dallas (where the day is still young) at 16:47:47 Wednesday October 13 99
M: didn't they have a sister, Priss, who always looked immaculate?

Mahoolah at 16:47:19 Wednesday October 13 99
Apparently RealAudio coverage is available from the AFCB wesite at http://www.afcb.co.uk/

Mahoolah at 16:42:35 Wednesday October 13 99
When you see Mark Stein, you'll remember him I'm sure. You could call him 'diminutive'. Brian Stein had big hair and was relegated with Luton and I haven't heard of him since. They had anbother brother who walked with a limp and kept a shotgun by his bed. Ged was his name. Never went out unless it was raining.

Mahoolah at 16:39:52 Wednesday October 13 99
WWW.Mahoo.Com would be a the nets first Holistic Search engine. If you were researching Ming Vases, for example, it would display a list if Holistic links such as Alton Towers and Cow Tipping Championships in Idaho. They'd be related somehow, but you'd have to work out the link for yourself.

Fat Cop at 16:36:33 Wednesday October 13 99
Whisky, Tango, Walnut whip, pastie, Mars Bar......

Paolo at 16:35:26 Wednesday October 13 99
Mahoo - Brian Stein has a familar ring about it, perhaps he played non-league as well? It would have been Wealdstone, or some team like that I think. BTW - have you thought of starting your own free e.mail service? You could call it 'Mahoo!'.

Mahoolah at 16:31:32 Wednesday October 13 99
Nice to know there are one or two exiles about. Its Mark Stein who used to play for Chelscum. Brother of the Brian Stein who played for Luton inthe early 80's.

Newsfelch at 16:30:3 Wednesday October 13 99
West Ham boss Harry Redknapp has refuted claims by Israeli star Eyal Berkovic that the Hammers are a racist club. In his autobiography the former Hammers star, now with Celtic, complained that the Upton Park outfit was: "racist and run like a pub team." Berkovic then went on to say that : "They do not like outsiders. The number of foreigners that succeed at West Ham can be counted on the fingers of one hand." Hammers boss Harry Redknapp retorted that such claims were ridiculous and declared: "I'm very disappointed. It is a disgrace what he says because it is absolute nonsense." During his time at West Ham Berkovic attracted hundreds of Israeli supporters from Golders Green to Upton Park. Perhaps his vociferous statements were born out of sour grapes after the club played down his fracas with John Hartson during training when both players were with the Hammers. Since Berkovic left the club the Hammers have maintained their excellent form in the Premiership with a side sporting foreign talent including Paolo Di Canio, Paulo Wanchope and Marc Vivien Foe

Paolo at 16:24:17 Wednesday October 13 99
Mahoo - the Cherries fan is here (at work). I don't think JC will score, he certainly won't get 2. When I used to watch non-league footy years ago there was a Stein playing for onee of the London/SE sides, surely that can't be the same one?

Ian in Dallas at 16:22:15 Wednesday October 13 99
Yossa: I imagine that part of Adam's problem is that, in most American multinationals, unions aren't recognised - they certainly aren't in the one I work for. Woul beinga member of a union still be helpful to Adam under those circumstances? (I really don't know, and am interested to).

Mahoolah at 16:12:50 Wednesday October 13 99
West Ham United 3 - 1 Afc Bournemouth Scorers: Joe Cole (2), Dicanio, Stein

Adam at 16:5:28 Wednesday October 13 99
Yossa, we dont have a Union here, but we do have a body that does nothing about complaints.

Mahoolah at 16:2:59 Wednesday October 13 99
I hear the TGWU is a good one to join.

Yossa at 15:56:56 Wednesday October 13 99
Adam join a union

Adam at 15:53:58 Wednesday October 13 99
Ian, I agree Opinions are just Opinions, everyone is entitled to them. But worrying for me are the opinions being forced on to everyone from the media, which to me is undoubtedly Right Wing and conservative. This was really pointed out to me, when I read John Pilger's Hidden Agenda, which showed the lies that are perpetuated by the media and the crimes of Capitalism which you never hear about. Some people say the media doesnt hold much sway but I believe it is the opposite. Take Europe, there has hardly been a debate in this country, the occasional article on the benefits but that is always drowned out by The Telegraph, Times, Sun etc. Murdoch is scared stiff about joining Europe as his draconion Employee laws will be outlawed.

Ian in Dallas at 15:41:23 Wednesday October 13 99
Adam: the danger in your position is that you see one case and assume it applies universally. I too work for an American corporate giant (bet my giant is bigger than your giant...) who are conceivably the most enlightened employer I've ever worked for. While you may be right about the hire 'em fire e'm attitude, on the good side is, unlike British companies I've worked for, there are no directors parking spaces, no directors cafeteria, no directors toilets etc. etc. Everyone works in cubicles, not offices. Personnel policies are among the most liberal I'm aware of. My opinion of Euopean employers isn't that high: given a choice between working for an American company and a French one, an Italian one or a German one, it's no contest. Inefficient, bureaucratic, state-subsidised, uncompetitive (gross generalisations, I know) and xenophobic to a high degree (you try getting to the top of a French, German or Italian company without being a national. So, I'm not sure your case is proven. But: what it does demonstrate is that we're all prisoners of our own personal experiences. I'd also say, further to what's been written before, that I may disagree with you - but I'd defend to the death your right to say what you think. I'd also like to think that I see the validity of what you're saying (in the real world, there's no black or white, only shades of grey).

Mahoolah at 15:37:14 Wednesday October 13 99
Mind you, you never see boxes marked 'french' in the 'Ethnic Origin' section of an application form. Perhaps they should introduce it.

Mahoolah at 15:35:28 Wednesday October 13 99
Ian : I'm not sure I understand either. It is a bit of a grey area really. Are the Basques a separate race that happen to live in an area in france and spain? Are there not Black French people? Is their race French or is it Black African? Questions, questions, never answers....

Adam at 15:32:9 Wednesday October 13 99
Ian, It can be argued that we join with the rest of Europe or be left alone siding with the Americans. Working for an American corporate giant, I am currently experiencing the lack of workers rights, the policy of hiring and firing which is endemic with American firms and I think surely joining Europe will improve mine and the majority of worker's lifes, simply by adhering to the Social Chapter.

Yossa at 15:28:25 Wednesday October 13 99
its not untill november 14 th olw my old fruit but first ones are general late I tell you how to cut teenage pregrancys make the lads got to ante natal classes

Ian in Dallas at 15:26:45 Wednesday October 13 99
Suffice it to say, the arsehole masquerading as me (15:22:33) wasn't me. Pity the poor twat, really.

Ian in Dallas at 15:24:19 Wednesday October 13 99
Adam: I'm vehemently anti-European. On a gut level, it goes along the lines of "What have the Europeans ever done for us?" On a more intellectual level, I struggle with the concept of a single European financial system. In the UK, governments of whatever hue struggle to reconcile the needs of the affluent south with the relatively disadvanatged north - so how, in the future, do we propose to reconcile the even more different needs of e.g. Spain and Germany? There's no doubtr in my mind that we would end up significantly nett losers/contributors: on the basis that levelling up is harder to do, we would end up getting levelled down. BUT: my view on this have nothing to do with my politics, such as they are. I may tend towards the right wing, but don't believe that means for a minute that I'm in sympathy with everything the conservatives (or Conservatives) stand for. M: still not sure I understand. Are you saying that the French aren't a race? Spent all yesterday evening in a bar drinking Coors Light (they had no Sam Adams..) and watching baseball: and the Americans have the nerve to call cricket 'impenetrable' and 'boring'?

Ian in Dallas at 15:22:33 Wednesday October 13 99
One would just like to pass observation on the rather juvenile remarks being made by certain "lower" class individuals. My Breeding (Eton, followed by Cambridge University) has enabled me to be conspicuously more intellectual than most plebians. I am able to pontificate on a grand array of topics and make use of some very grandiose language. My political leanings are unquestionably Conservative, and I am swollen with pride to say with a capital C. God Save The Queen.

Mahoolah at 15:12:15 Wednesday October 13 99
Who's a cherries fan (other than me) ?? We shpouldn't worry too much about Bournemouth> They can beat division 1 sides in cups (and do, regulary), but cannot seem to beat big terams anymore. As Imentioned yesterday, they are a lot like a lower division West Ham (possibly the influence of all those years with H as manager). Play nice football, look like winners, then fail to beat the shit teams and crack under pressure. Up the Cherries! And (my final point on this issue)I refuse to accept that Racism is anything other A RACE issue. The word Racism is self defining. 'Concerned with race'. There's a whole host of words out there for all the other types of nastiness. BOSCOME! BACK OF THE NET!

Paolo at 15:5:19 Wednesday October 13 99
FiOS - Mahoolah posted some interesting stuff about Bournemouth yesterday (I think), if you can be bothered to page down to find it.

Jazz Club at 15:0:53 Wednesday October 13 99
...modulating between the keys of A and B flat, and resolving itself in E. Craaaaazy! But nice!

FiOS at 14:59:13 Wednesday October 13 99
I don't know much about Bournemouth unfortunately. Anything Harry should be concerned about tonight or is it a forgone conclusion?

Adam at 14:54:24 Wednesday October 13 99
I forgot we had a match tonight, Come on you Irons (am I allowed to say that or does it offend Homosexuals)

Paolo (again!) at 14:54:3 Wednesday October 13 99
Mahoo - we have just discovered we have a Cherries fan in our midst! That makes two of you!

Paolo at 14:53:19 Wednesday October 13 99
But will H do it? I think he might! But now I'm going to have a lie down for a while.....

Paolo at 14:52:36 Wednesday October 13 99
Good news from Teamfibs (apologies for mentioning footy....) - The Hammers are poised to give Joe Cole a rare start against Bournemouth in the Worthington Cup on Wednesday. Cole has now fully recovered from the knee ligament injury that he picked up earlier in the season whilst on international duty. The highly-rated youngster will get his chance because John Moncur is suspended after a recent red card. And Harry Redknapp is keen to give Cole a chance to impress in the game against one of his former clubs. Rio Ferdinand is in the squad for the first team in almost a month after recovering from an ankle injury. Ferdinand is ready to start the game alongside Igor Stimac which is a massive boost for Redknapp. Another youngster Michael Carrick will be on the bench and is hoping to get some action at one stage or another.

FiOS at 14:50:35 Wednesday October 13 99
Mahoolah - No definitely not. You cannot define this so easily. Racism is just a manipulative device (and a powerful one at that) used to create the illusion that there is a threat externally. Unfortunately its one that most people fall for and follow without knowing that they're being duped.

Adam at 14:44:53 Wednesday October 13 99
Ian, Are you sure you are not a senior member of The Conservative Party, I reckon you could be Douglas Hird. What are your views on entering Europe, I would be greatly interested.

Olw at 14:42:40 Wednesday October 13 99
Yossa: did she have it yet? Yoslet or Yossletta?

Olw at 14:39:0 Wednesday October 13 99
Sorry that was me answering Ian not Ian himself below (it's getting late where I am!)

Bernard at 14:38:31 Wednesday October 13 99
I hate buggers that don't have salt on there pie and chips.

Yossa at 14:38:18 Wednesday October 13 99
Victor cheers for you last comment about mixed marriages I only hope me and the missus and our kid prove tash wearing bigots like you wrong

Ian at 14:37:57 Wednesday October 13 99
Yes, because that would be generalising and thus slurring the race as a whole. If Berko and Viera were English I would still see them in the same way. (I think Shearer is a whinger too).

Mahoolah at 14:35:29 Wednesday October 13 99
Can I just say that hating the USA as a country is not racist. It might be bigoted and blinkered, but it aint racist. Many different races populate the USA.

Mahoolah at 14:33:44 Wednesday October 13 99
Essay topic no. 1 : Can Races of peopole be calssified by a country's borders? Do the the Native Ameriocans stop being Native Americans at the Canandian border?

Olw at 14:31:25 Wednesday October 13 99
I mean Judaism of course. Doh!

Ian in Dallas at 14:31:5 Wednesday October 13 99
Olw: but if you were to say "all Israelis are whingers" or "all Africans are scum" - that would be racist - right?

Vic the Gooner at 14:31:3 Wednesday October 13 99
Mixed marriages never work.

Mahoolah at 14:30:14 Wednesday October 13 99
If Olw had insinuated that Viera is a Black bastard, rather than just a bastard, he would be racist. As it is, Viera has just as much right to be called a bastard as everyone else. And regarding the example before, in the school playground, calling a fat kit fatty is Fatist, ginger kid carrot top is gingerist, but it aint racism. Unles there is a race of people who are all fat and ginger.

Olw at 14:29:51 Wednesday October 13 99
Mahoolah: you are right, mate. But the "is Jewism a race or a religion?" argument is an altogether difference can of worms!

Ian in Dallas at 14:29:42 Wednesday October 13 99
M: I ot bored with doing email. Racism, in my book, is intolerance of someone purely by virtue of their race - but I disagree with whoever said that you can't be racist about the Rench. Gregor, much as he would want to deny it, indicates he is stronly racist (but of course, it's acceptable to be racist about the Americans, the Austrians etc. but not acceptable to be racist about Jews, Pakistanis etc. Ho ho - yeah, right on brother). Intolerance of other peoples' beliefs is a different issue, but equally unacceptable. Nope, sorry, I'm wrong again. Obviosuly, it's wrong to be intolerant of e.g. Hinduism or Chrisitianity, but perfectly OK to be intolerant of conservatism, intellectualism. Bah - humbug! Oh, and Gregor: it's about as smart to hate Americans as it is to hate Europeans (cf earlier postings). Wanker.

Mahoolah at 14:24:23 Wednesday October 13 99
And didn't Racism develope from Racialism, indicating its a racial issue rather than a religious, ideological one?

Rob at 14:23:53 Wednesday October 13 99
Fios, you've got the wrong enf of the stick mate. I have a SPARE ticket. That doesn't mean I'm not going. Far from it. Anyway, I was just putting out the feelers. See how much people would pay.

Olw at 14:23:12 Wednesday October 13 99
Frank: okay the caste system may not be quite the same as Britain but I still think it is more classist than rascist. My gripe is that you cannot tar everyone with the rascist brush just because they call people names. Overwise everyone would be rascist! Just because I think Berkovich (an Israeli) is a whinger and Viera (an African) is scum doesn't mean I am rascist. You may think that but you would be wrong.

Gregor at 14:22:3 Wednesday October 13 99
People I hate in order: 1. Americans 2.Germans 3.Protestant N.Irish 4.Austrians 5.White S.Africans 6. Rangers Fans 7.Canadians 8.The one Conservative Voter left in this country (whoever you are).

Mahoolah in league with beelzebub at 14:20:52 Wednesday October 13 99
I always thought that racism was being intolerant of another race of people. Asian people as a race. Black people as a race, chinese people as a race, the pygmy race, the aboriginie race. I also presumed that being intolerant of another persons beliefs is different. Call it bigotry or facism, but its a different thing from Racism. A black man can become part of Judaism if he chooses.

Olw at 14:18:49 Wednesday October 13 99
Why do people so often resort to swearing when they are losing an argument? That's always sad to see.

Colin Hunt at 14:18:6 Wednesday October 13 99
Colin Hunt's office trolley! Geddit? Colin Hunt's off his trolley? Do you get it?

Griff in my hoose, supposed to be looking for somewhere to live at 14:12:11 Wednesday October 13 99
Readey - Dai Davies it was, sorry for any confusion. Anyone got a flat in SW London they don't want anymore? Diagnosis Murder is on, must go.

vic the gooner at 14:11:47 Wednesday October 13 99
the vast majority of white anglo saxon working class east enders are racist.

Quizmaster at 14:9:15 Wednesday October 13 99
The words HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH came to mind when I read this........Latest News > 365's Main News Last Updated: Wednesday 13 October 1999 13:32 GRAHAM CONSIDERS COLLYMORE MOVE Graham Lining Up Move For Stan The Man By Iain Spragg GEORGE GRAHAM is poised to make a sensational swoop for troubled Aston Villa star Stan Collymore in a bid to solve Spurs' crippling striker crisis. Collymore played the final game of his three-month loan with Fulham last night - scoring the winner in a 2-1 Worthington Cup win at West Brom - and now Graham is considering bringing the controversial striker to White Hart Lane in a similar deal. Tottenham have just three senior strikers in their squad but with Les Ferdinand sidelined with an ankle injury and Steffen Iversen struggling with a heel problem, Graham is down to the bare bones. In fact, the Spurs boss is so desperate for forward reinforcements that he has been forced to call up 20-year-old striker John Piercy to the first team squad for tonight's Worthington Cup clash with Crewe. David Pleat, Tottenham's director of football, was at Craven Cottage last night to watch Collymore in action and Spurs could make a move for the former Liverpool striker later this week. Aston Villa manager John Gregory has made it clear that he is not interested in Collymore, who was treated for depression towards the end of last season, returning to be club on a long term basis and is desperate to off-load his wayward striker.

Adam at 14:8:20 Wednesday October 13 99
Whisper it quietly but our reserves lost 2-0 to Tottenham last night.

Ian in Dallas at 14:5:15 Wednesday October 13 99
Morning all (well, it is here...) Interesting stuff while I've been away. I take issue with the wanker who called me old, rich and living in the middle of nowhere. I live in the middle of somewhere. Oh, and eat your hearts out - it's forecast to be 87 degrees here today. More later when I've caught up with the scores of emails that have arrived over the past 36 hours.

Frank C in the Windmill at 14:3:47 Wednesday October 13 99
Why don't we all just pull down our strides and have a wank ?

Adam at 14:3:8 Wednesday October 13 99
I feel that the term "Racism" is too easily banded about. As I think Tommy said its easy to call someone racist but to prove it is much harder. Being Jewish, I have noticed, a lot of Jewish people will claim something is racist/ anti semitic just because they dont agree with it. For example many Jewish people beleive the BBC is anti-semitic, mainly due to a perceived anti-Isreal stance.

Yossa at 14:3:4 Wednesday October 13 99
Anyone got the reserve score from last night please

Paolo at 13:58:9 Wednesday October 13 99
If we're going to discuss the evil (and it is) of racism, let's discuss it and not fucking pedantry. Or are we just using it to dodge something we feel uncomfortable and guilty about?

Frank C in The Windmill at 13:56:52 Wednesday October 13 99
OLW: No it's rascist, they cannot get out of there place in society, they have no choice but to accept what they have been born into. The British working classes have the choice to do whatever they like - given the breaks of course.

Adam at 13:55:29 Wednesday October 13 99
So is calling the fat boy in the playground "fatty", racist or calling a Ginger Haired person, Carrot Head, racist. Surely not.

Frank C in The Windmill at 13:54:20 Wednesday October 13 99
Never mentioned the word evil, probably ' out of date' would be a better description. I think we're evolving away from the tribal existance we once had.

Quizmaster at 13:53:55 Wednesday October 13 99
Correct Paolo, Graham Souness was the first Rangers manager to play a Catholic, Mo Johnson. That was about 8 years ago. There are a fair few playing at the club now, Italians mostly and young Neil McCann.

Olw at 13:52:45 Wednesday October 13 99
Frank: How can the caste system be rascist if they are the same race? Surely you mean it is classist in the same way as much of British society is e.g. working class kids trying to get into Harrow.

Olw at 13:43:48 Wednesday October 13 99
So being a member of a tribe is evil now, is it? What will the Africans make of that? Tch.

Frank C in The Windmill at 13:42:37 Wednesday October 13 99
OLW: If you look at the caste system in India, which is probably the biggest form of rascism alive today, it breaks down the whole argument. They are of the same race, however, because of when and where they were born in life, there place in life is already mapped out for them. Very tribal also.

Paolo at 13:41:54 Wednesday October 13 99
Anyway, talking FOOTBALL - we've got Birmingham in the 4th round (or have we?!). And what about the play-off draw? That's going to set back Anglo-Scotish relations by a few years, whatever the outcome.

Paolo at 13:38:20 Wednesday October 13 99
On a point of history, although Celtic is a predominantly RC supported club, it's really Rangers who are the racists. Celtic have many non-RC supporters and have (as far as I know) never had a policy of not playing non-RC players, whereas Rangers until very recently have been strictly racist.

Olw at 13:37:59 Wednesday October 13 99
To say rascism and tribalism is the same is nonsense in my book since it implies that a race and a tribe (group of supporters in this case) is also the same thing. Two tribes can be of the same race just as one tribe can consist of members of several races. I hope that proves they are different things. And saying that any type pf name calling is rascism just waters down the meaning of rascism and makes it seem almost acceptable. And that isn't on.

Frank C in The Windmill at 13:37:59 Wednesday October 13 99
Paolo, unfortunately not all the people walking around will change there attitude. i fell that will take a long long time.

Frank C in The Windmill at 13:35:31 Wednesday October 13 99
Another way to look at it is, if the blokes getting paid £20000 a week for playing in front of thousands of people he doesn't have the choice to vet. Then surely it's naive of him or any player to assume he's not going to get stick in one form or another. For £20,000 grand a week, i think i could handle it.

Paolo at 13:34:3 Wednesday October 13 99
Quite agree Frank, nice to see some sanity on the topic. Racism, tribalism, call it what you like is evil, it's as simple as that. Let's not start trying to make pathetic excuses for inexcusable behaviour - better to change our behaviour, surely?

Olw at 13:27:43 Wednesday October 13 99
From my own experiences it is impossible to settle down and concentrate on the job in hand until you have somewhere decent to live and your family over. You can't expect a bloke to perform if he is living in a hotel and his missus is on the other side of the world. Anyway, I dunno if Berko ctually used the word "rascism" . I saw no actual quotes using the R word so it could just be the media stirring stuff up.

Frank C in The Windmill at 13:26:16 Wednesday October 13 99
Been up to my trots lately, so I've limited myself to reading, however, I'll give my tuppence worth to the rascist thread that's going on. Racism and tribalism(?) are identical. If you're part of a tribe you are proud of your identity and feel you're better than other tribes, or, put another way: they are inferior to your tribe. To make sure evrybody is aware that you are member of the tribe you'll dress, change colour of hair etc to look identical to the other people in the same tribe. The only difference is that you can change tribes if you get pissed off or are shallow enough to do so. Any type of name calling however harmless the intention has to be a form of rascism in it's own right.

FiOS at 13:16:18 Wednesday October 13 99
Tom - I agree. Harry once remarked that we bring foreign players over, dump them in the middle of Essex and expect them to get on with it.

FiOS at 13:10:7 Wednesday October 13 99
Olw - Oh yeah! You had me worried for a bit there. But I have done that quite a bit. And answered the phone as I do in work. Where's that brochure!

FiOS at 13:5:43 Wednesday October 13 99
One other point. Berko claims that the team was run like a pub team. I could see element of truth in that. I don't think he's the first to mention this. Disco Dani I think once made the same remark about after-training/match boozing at WHUFC.

Tom my at 13:5:20 Wednesday October 13 99
Racism is easy to allege,difficult to prove.If West Ham are guilty of anything it was that they were not aware of the particular needs of players coming to the club.As anyone who has worked aborad will testify,it is always difficult at the beginning,particularly if you are not 100% au fait both with the language and culture.West Ham are not guilty of racism,but they are probably guilty of poor working practises in not responding to overseas players particular needs.And this backs up an assertion made to me by an overseals player 3-4 years ago.Tom

Olw at 13:2:27 Wednesday October 13 99
Some one on GLR pointed out this morning that if Berko was so worried about rascism at West Ham why did he go to Parkhead? CELTIC is hardly the place to escape intolerance!

Olw at 12:57:52 Wednesday October 13 99
FiOs: coz I got your "90s" email! Dialling "9" at home indeed!

Quizmaster at 12:54:5 Wednesday October 13 99
I see 'Arry is on Question of Sport next week along, and according to one of the papers last week, Julian Dicks is possibly going to play golf as a pro, Q - why is the game called "Golf".....A Because "Shit" was already taken

FiOS at 12:49:35 Wednesday October 13 99
Olw - yes its true. I do need one desperately. But how do you know?

Olw at 12:45:15 Wednesday October 13 99
Oh and Fios: you need a holiday, mate!

Olw at 12:44:28 Wednesday October 13 99
You're right FiOS. People who still think West Ham is an inherently rascist club are living in the dark ages. And only the terminally politically correct and those with chips on their shoulders would call rascist some of the stuff that gets chanted. Tribal - yes; rascist - not by a long chalk.

FiOS at 12:34:1 Wednesday October 13 99
Rob: I was in the same boat mate. But I've managed to sell mine on. Paulo- its an interesting one certainly. It turns my stomach when I hear the racist chants. But I honestly think it is a very small minority. The majority are not racist at all. Unfortunately Berko has painted everyone at UP with the same brush and insinuated that the whole of West Ham is racist. Which is not true at all.

FiOS at 12:25:32 Wednesday October 13 99
Berko was a great little player and I for one would have wanted him to stay at West Ham on the basis of his talents. But his whimpering personality and attitude really is a shame.

Rob at 12:24:24 Wednesday October 13 99
HOW MUCH IS EVERYONE OFFERING ME FOR MY SPARE TICKET FOR THE HOME LEG?

Paolo at 12:18:6 Wednesday October 13 99
Interesting logic - we're not racist because our football chants are racist.

Niki at 11:58:21 Wednesday October 13 99
Morning Olw. Precisely my point. More than half of all the footie chants I can think of have some kind of racist or xenophobic connotation. Which one depents on what you're looking for or how pedantic you are!

adam at 11:49:51 Wednesday October 13 99
I've heard Ruddock said this to Vieira "F*ck off, you ugly f*cking freak, your head is too small for your body, stick to basketball, you f*cking lanky streak of piss"

Olw at 11:41:45 Wednesday October 13 99
The top 4 teams all avoided each other and play at home second. So much for no seeding!!

Readey at 11:32:36 Wednesday October 13 99
We've got the Jocks - Today's Euro 2000 Finals draw held in Aachen has paired Scotland against England in the play offs. England's U21 side have drawn Yugoslavia in their respective Championship Finals.

Olw at 11:31:54 Wednesday October 13 99
Whoopee! It's Scotland v England!!

Olw at 11:27:13 Wednesday October 13 99
Niki: well said, girl. Someone has some sense on here. But it's not rascist to call Viera a French prat as "French" is not a race but a nationality. Anyway, according to Ruddock he (RR) probably said something much worse. I wonder what.

Niki at 11:20:18 Wednesday October 13 99
Berko always was a whining pratt. Almost everything about Football is tribal and territorial. It's as xenophobic to sing North London is full of shit as it is racist for Ruddock to call Viera a French pratt!! I think he'll find the other players reaction towards him had more to do with his attitude.

Readey at 10:52:15 Wednesday October 13 99
Griff - That footie question the other day, the Merseyside Derby one, are you sure it wasn't Dai Davies and not Wyn Davies ??

Readey at 10:52:11 Wednesday October 13 99
Griff - That footie question the other day, the Merseyside Derby one, are you sure it wasn't Dai Davies and not Wyn Davies ??

Readey at 10:52:8 Wednesday October 13 99
Griff - That footie question the other day, the Merseyside Derby one, are you sure it wasn't Dai Davies and not Wyn Davies ??

Paolo at 10:46:55 Wednesday October 13 99
Watch the draw live - http://www.uefa.org/Euro2000/index_frame.asp?Filename=/NewsData/Euro2000/Live/Draw.html

Olw at 10:46:40 Wednesday October 13 99
Bollocks it's a sad day. I ask you again: when was envy ever rascism? Get real.

Paolo at 10:26:29 Wednesday October 13 99
Sad, isn't it - I wonder if he really means it or if he's just trying to sell his book? I suppose it must be basically true, in which case it saddens me to hear this about WHU. I know there are racists everywhere, but in a profession like football you'd hope that that was no longer a problem these days. On reflection it doesn't surprise me re FJH, and especially Dicks (I'm afraid I don't share most WHU fan's hero worship of Dicks, especially after reading Terminator), but I though better of Moncur. Sad day for West Ham

Adam at 10:5:7 Wednesday October 13 99
Does anyone believe an ounce of what Wenger says. His mouth spews out lies. Any man that has the bare faced cheek to deny seeing some of the most blatant sending offs is to me a liar. He has painted this picture, which the media is happy to lap up, of a cool, calm, intelligent nice guy. But in reality we see him jumping off the bench shouting, making up excuses for his players and generally losing it. I think we are seeing his true public face now, I wonder what his real private life is like? I leave you to make up your own mind.

Mahoolah at 10:1:32 Wednesday October 13 99
"they did not enjoy it when my exploits on the field came at their expense." ----- And what does that mean then?

Mahoolah at 9:59:54 Wednesday October 13 99
That'll be FJH he'll be talking about then.

Owl at 9:52:42 Wednesday October 13 99
Envy is hardly rascism is it?

Zana Badawee at 9:44:38 Wednesday October 13 99
Celtic midfielder Eyal Berkovic has blasted West Ham, his former Premiership club, as 'racist' - and claims they are run like a pub team. The Israeli makes the allegations in his autobiography, which is published this week. The training ground incident which saw him kicked in the head by team-mate John Hartson just over a year ago is the base for his claims, which appear in the Mirror. Berkovic says he felt "terribly insulted" by the East London club's stance on the matter and added: "They tried hard to cover it up." The 27-year-old maintains "no foreign player really survives at West Ham" - claims which will shock fans of the club which has Paolo Di Canio and Paulo Wanchope currently in impressive partnership up front. Berkovic, who joined the Hammers from Southampton in 1997 and played 65 games for the Hammers, added: "I hated it from the moment I arrived there. "They do not like outsiders and the number of those foreigners that succeed at West Ham can be counted on the fingers of one hand. "Why? People in the club itself do not understand why. "I can tell them. The foreigners do not get the respect they deserve. They are not allowed to feel that they belong and all the time they are made to feel like outsiders." Berkovic, who claimed boss Harry Redknapp and now-departed general manager Peter Storrie were the only two "strong men" at Upton Park during his time there, also believes the club's British players were jealous of his skills. He said: "We were having an internal practice at West Ham and I was excellent. I made goals. I made excellent passes. I gave them a lesson in soccer and it drove the local players out of their minds. They had not yet got used to my style and, certainly, did not enjoy it when my exploits on the field came at their expense."

Yossa at 9:24:11 Wednesday October 13 99
Eyal has called west ham rascist in his new book stating that west ham players were jealous of the foriegn players and his skill in particular from the infrence given he means moncur dicks and hartson

Cost of Life, by Andrew Motion at 9:22:55 Wednesday October 13 99
Imagine that autumn dawn coming to grips with a country station: the way light slips along the silver stitch-mark of the rails, first, then strikes the waiting-room and lets its colours burst. Imagine next the people waiting for their train - cold feet scuffing the Tarmac's faint frost-grain, that man there with a Kleenex-snippet stuck on his shaving cut, this woman here with a fleck of lipstick on a front tooth, and no one talking yet, but nodding, or half-smiling, or slow-walking to stare off the platform's end into open country: cattle still in their yards, fields lush and empty. Then imagine the train lashing its hard bend, the track tingling, doors clunking, someone lend- ing a hand to someone, taking care with the gap; remember the palaver, the brisk insistence, the drop into a seat - mine! - then the cast-away gaze out through a cloudy window at the dripping maze of hedges ruffling in the slip-stream, the wet cars burrowing in lanes, the now-here/now-gone regular whack of a farm, or an allotment-quilt. Imagine the sun full-on at last, and clouds melting from the Cotswolds into the Thames Valley, villages unravelling into towns, more stops, the carriages jam-packed now, and papers crackling, the bass line of a Walkman, a laptop, a mobile phone, and the brick terraces crushing closer, their black walls swirling graffiti, damp-dribbles, quick shadow-spills from fly-overs and scaffolding, then opening ahead towards the city, its slate-acres hammered out like lead. Then imagine what happens after - but not for long. Imagine a single nipped-off second hung between one moment and the next - a time-dot in which train, carriages, everything is flung out- side the world's hard limits of mass and space and rises up weightless, torn from its proper place. Then imagine all this weltering down through gravity onto the earth again; sleek carriages now sealed chambers where windows hold tight, ghost-people clamber so wild and desperate their whole expression is O, where furious quick dust-storms smear a dry dew- fall on what survives of tables, chairs, head-rests, where daily lives doing no more than their best to stay daily, and continue by daily laws, are shredded or simply threshed open by fear which solves nothing, where the unearthly stink rises of what no one will want to name or think about later, where even a puffed-up speckled cloud cannot hide or drown the continuing flame-slides and metal shrieks, the heartbroken animal cries, the pop of strong wood giving way, the thin fly- away whip of cables snapping, the reedy phone still weeping in the ash-mess hiding human bone. In the end imagine how large a silence will descend as the track is cleared - silence like familiar clay turned into a mist which stays Invisible but works its way back up the rails along the valley floor, and so enters the towns where one strand or another goes off by itself to fill the vacant space which recently was someone's lived-in place. And yet the mist appears to grow the more it travels - swelling where the rails slice back across a lattice-work of lanes until it finds the Cotswolds and thins out again - this whisp here escaping underneath a bolted door, that one slipping through a bed- room window left ajar, and there, that third one, slumping at a kitchen table where a man sits down alone, and stares like everyone alone will stare and see no more than featureless and wasted air.

Newsfelch at 8:30:11 Wednesday October 13 99
Harry Redknapp fears that Arsene Wenger will use the race card when Patrick Vieira faces the FA over his sending-off last week at Upton Park. The West Ham manager acted to head off any attempt to drag his defender Neil Ruddock deeper into the row when he said: 'He's no angel and he's been sent off a few times but he doesn't make racist remarks. It's nonsense to say Ruddock should be charged. 'I've met Vieira and he's a smashing lad. But he lost it. He's got to accept his punishment like everyone else.' Arsenal manager Wenger has called for 'those who provoke' to be punished, but an angry Redknapp said yesterday: 'What's Ruddock supposed to have done? He's done nothing. When Arsene Wenger calls my players cheats, I have to stand up for them.' Redknapp suspects that the Arsenal defence to the charge of misconduct against Vieira might spring a surprise reference to an alleged comment by Ruddock 10 minutes into the game. 'If Vieira had the needle with Ruddock so early on why didn't he say something then?' said Redknapp. 'Everyone gives each other verbals these days. It goes on in every game. People don't walk around with their mouths shut. 'I've got a feeling Arsenal may be looking for a new excuse, either a racist one or something else. But we are definitely not a club whose players use racist remarks. We have as many black lads as white here, so it can't happen. 'What would Ian Wright say, for instance, if someone made a racist remark? Or Paulo Wanchope or Marc Foe or Shaka Hislop? Or any of our black players? 'Ruddock got involved when he went to pull Frank Lampard away from the scene of the trouble. In fact, all Frank said was 'On your bike, you're off'. Vieira started to go, then came back and shoved his fist in Neil's face. Ruddock just stood there and laughed and Vieira spat at him. That's totally unacceptable.' Ruddock claimed that some Arsenal players sympathised with him after the game. He said: 'A couple came up to me and said it was a disgrace. They were ashamed. I can't imagine I would call anyone a French prat and I don't remember saying it.' Redknapp had a final comment: 'I'm sick of all this. Arsenal have had 28 red cards under Arsene Wenger. Maybe it's someone else's fault.'

Niki at 22:4:37 Tuesday October 12 99
We play Birmingham if we get through. Shouldn't laugh too loud it could be us tomorrow

Niki at 21:51:21 Tuesday October 12 99
Newcastle losing 2-0 to Birmingham. Shearer missed a penalty in the fourth min. Hahahahahaaaa.

Nik at 21:42:30 Tuesday October 12 99
It's back now cya there

Dazza at 21:14:54 Tuesday October 12 99
ICQ's gone tits up for me too

Paolo at 17:59:8 Tuesday October 12 99
OK, so who's playing? We all know Gary in Grimthorpe doesn't exist. Some of the phrasing is a tad familiar as well! Mahoo - are you still here? On consideration I think I'd have Stuart Pearce on the left instead of Stimac. I don't think Stimac is comfortable there and Pearce would be good for motivation. I'd keep Stimac on the bench in case we needed to replace Rio.

Garry in Grimthorpe at 16:59:43 Tuesday October 12 99
Guys, can we liven this place up, its certainly not like it was in the old days. Where's me old muckers Stuart and Olw, whatever happened to that Norwegian bloke?And does Stu still wear his missus clothes at weekends and ponce on like a High Tory who deserves a good stringing up?Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

Mahoolah at 16:50:17 Tuesday October 12 99
Cheggers plays pop. Saturday Swap shop. The New Schmoo. Baggy Pants and the nitwits. Stilgo's On. That quiz with angela rippon before we had neigbors. Enduring image.

? at 16:28:23 Tuesday October 12 99
Fios you still shaging that check-out bird.

Tom my at 16:13:48 Tuesday October 12 99
Anyone training it to Boro on Sunday,beware,trains are screwed with the service terminating at Darlington or somewhere,with a bus service the rest of the way.Thank you Mr Murdoch for another pleasurable Sunday outing. Tom

Paolo at 16:11:48 Tuesday October 12 99
Boro game is definitely on Sky. Yossa - Lancaster (a bloody long way from here!) Mahoo - fine, except I'd have Kitson on for Wanchope, I am more and more convinced he is FJH in disguise. Not too sure about Cole sterting either, everyone makes a big fuss about him, but when I've seen him play I've always been left feeling disappointed. I think the jury's still out on young JC.

FiOS at 14:51:18 Tuesday October 12 99
Middlesboro game is on Sky I think. So I didn't bother looking into that one. Besides I've been warned not to bother by some very disspointed fans last season.

Yossa at 14:43:10 Tuesday October 12 99
Which Uni Paulo

Yossa at 14:43:5 Tuesday October 12 99
Which Uni Paulo

Rob at 14:33:32 Tuesday October 12 99
Foe is out for Sunday, yes. BTW, who is going to that hell-hole that is Middlesbrough?

Perry Farrell at 13:55:25 Tuesday October 12 99
Sex is Violence.

Mahoolah at 13:54:28 Tuesday October 12 99
Okay 1.Hislop GK 2. I Pearce RCB 3. Ferdinand CB 4. Stimac LCB 5. Sinclair RWB 6. Lomas CM 7. Lampard CM 8. Minto LWB 9. Cole AM 10 Dicanio 11 Wanchope Subs. Foe (M) Kitson (A) Moncur (M) S Pearce (D) Bywater (GK) Newton (D/M/A)

Paolo at 13:46:40 Tuesday October 12 99
Just a quick one - is Foe suspended for Sunday? I thought suspensions usually started the game after the next one. Sunday is starting to worry me - I'll be watching it in a student bar up north, so it's got disaster and humiliation written all over it!

Paolo at 13:43:39 Tuesday October 12 99
Kep going Mahoo, doing fine so far. I've got to go back to work, but before I do, something interesting from Teamfibs: Come on refs! «« For all the talk of Paolo Di Canio being a diver it doesn't seem to have done him or West Ham much good - the Hammers have yet to feature in a league game which has had a penalty in it. West Ham, Villa and Manchester United are the only teams in the premiership (it's about time I got a life isn't it?) that have this honour. None of the three have been awarded or conceded a spot kick, and it terms of Hammers fans, it's depriving us of seeing the next Ray Stewart and Julian Dicks - two of the finest exponents of taking penalties there will ever be - plus Matt Le Tissier of course. Who would take a penalty if West Ham were awarded one? Di Canio would have to be one of the favourites, but he'd probably have to wrestle the ball off Frank Lampard - he's been taking them in the Intertoto and for the England Under 21's - without too much success I'd have to add.

Yossa at 13:43:13 Tuesday October 12 99
Another question maybe for the match tomorrow night will Scot Mean be out for revenge. I seriously believe that it will be a major major mistake to play frank jr Lomas Di Canio Hislop and even Tricky Trev and Stimac these alongside Rio and Foe are our key players. I would play Rio and Foe tomorrow one needs the match practice and the other one's suspended for sunday. Some people argue you cant just through youngsters in at Premier level and if this isnt the oppurtunity to do so I dont know when. I do think Harry's reads this page I think he enter stuff either as Hannah or as Vic!

Mahoolah at 13:41:42 Tuesday October 12 99
Thats my Backbone. Thats my 'will never be dropped' players. 5 of them English as it happens. Who do you add to that?

Adam at 13:41:20 Tuesday October 12 99
5.Trevor Sinclair

Mahoolah at 13:40:36 Tuesday October 12 99
6. Trevor Sinclair

Mahoolah at 13:40:15 Tuesday October 12 99
5. Ian Pearce

Mahoolah at 13:39:48 Tuesday October 12 99
4 Rio Ferdinand

Mahoolah at 13:39:35 Tuesday October 12 99
3. Frank Lampard

Mahoolah at 13:39:16 Tuesday October 12 99
2. Paolo DiCanio

Mahoolah at 13:38:41 Tuesday October 12 99
If anyone has a spare moment, I'd be interested in their views on West Ham's ideal line-up and subs if we had no injuries or suspensions. I mean our whole squad is fit, raring to take anyone on. We've been given a whole year to prepare for our next match in teh final of the UEFA against Juventus. Who's in the team? 1. Shaka Hislop (Goalkeeper)

Adam at 13:33:12 Tuesday October 12 99
Bye Bye Sad Man

Mahoolah at 13:33:5 Tuesday October 12 99
I think that I've only just got used to us being a bona fide top 10 side. To start putting out under strength sides to me sounds like an alien notion. I can't get used to the idea of us regarding the league cup as a rest period.. But then again, how often have we urged Harry to show us the youth. He'll probably be loaning half of them out at bournemouth anyway so why not. I'd certainly do it. But HR won't.

Vic the gooner at 13:29:37 Tuesday October 12 99
Its been nice knowing you all. Bye!

Vic the Gooner at 13:27:36 Tuesday October 12 99
Ok I will.

Adam at 13:25:22 Tuesday October 12 99
I agree more football talk, Vic the Gooner should be banned. Wenger is a sick joke.

Paolo at 13:22:31 Tuesday October 12 99
For a start, what about following up Yossa's comment yesterday about the Bournemouth game - should we put out an 'under strength' team because it's only Bournemouth/the Worthington Cup, and because we need to rest key players? We've got one hell of a fixture list coming up and with that and the suspensions we're building up to Harry's going to need at least a team and a half of regular first team players to get through it, so tomorrow could be a very good chance to give some of the 'second string' players a go.

Paolo at 13:18:38 Tuesday October 12 99
Mahoo - I thought your run down on Bournemouth was very interesting. Unfortunately no one seems all that interested in discussing footy on here. But the same people who don't/won't talk footy on here are quite happy to do so on Olw's. As long as this continues it will be a sort of self-fullfilling prophesy, with Alf's continuing to be full of non-footy stuff. Alf's has far more potential than Olw's as a WHU discussion site, but it needs some footy chat going so that the casual visitor wants to stay, and isn't put off by all the weirdeness. I'm not saying that non-footy stuff doesn't have it's place, in fact a nice mix of the two is ideal, but for Alf's to work and attract the right sort of contributor there needs to be a core of decent footy talk. Remember what Alf's used to be like? There's nothing to stop it being like that again. So come on you Alfies, if you're going to post something WHU on Olw's, stick it on here as well - give Alf's a chance as a footy site!

Adam at 13:13:49 Tuesday October 12 99
Vic why dont you fuck off. You are nothing but a Gooner Tory which to me is scum.

Vic the Gooner at 13:10:43 Tuesday October 12 99
cause I'm a wanker

Mahoolah at 13:7:54 Tuesday October 12 99
Why didn't you vote?

Vic the Gooner at 13:1:9 Tuesday October 12 99
I didn't vote. But to say they were 18 dark years of tory rule is just a refusal to face facts. What would happen if Labour continued? Living standards alongside Albania perhaps?

Mahoolah at 12:55:42 Tuesday October 12 99
A case in point I think. Did you vote for Tony Blair, Vic? If not why not?

Vic the Gooner at 12:54:5 Tuesday October 12 99
what are you talking about? Thatcher turned this country around from the laughing stock of the world that it was when the LibLabs were in power during the seventies when we relied on handouts from the IMF, and she turned it into a respectable and modern nation once again. Winter of discontent ring any bells? Blair is a tory, don't forget it.

Mahoolah at 12:52:35 Tuesday October 12 99
That sounds about right. Another thing that I've just thought. If all these Conservative voters are saying teh Labour party is exactly like the Tory party, why don't they vote for em? hmm. Looks like my preview to the bournemouth game was definitive as no-one has commented on it since.

Paolo at 12:46:14 Tuesday October 12 99
Wow! Busy morning on here. I think Jeremy Hardy summed it all up at the weekend. After pushing a pretty radical left-wing agenda for years and broadly supporting Labour, since the election he's been getting more and more dissallusioned with Blair and has recently become almost rabidly anti-Labour/Blair. Then along came the Tory conference. Hardy said something like "I was starting to think Labour were just like the Tories, then I watched what went on a Blackpool and remembered just how bad they were". We may be disappointed that Blair isn't delivering everything he promised (or we thought he promised), but let's not forget just how bad it was for those 18 dark years. Never again - whatever happens, never again.

Vic the Gooner at 12:38:26 Tuesday October 12 99
Is it saaaaaafe?

Readey at 12:12:34 Tuesday October 12 99
Spent Saturday in a pub in Porthmadog watching Eng V NZ, when Lomu went over the whole pub went up, had a bit of a face on for a few minutes then got chatting to a couple of Welsh blokes and he tells me hes more into football, What team I ask ?? West Ham he says, top night ensewed ending up in a dodgy club in Caernarfon. Hopefully meeting up for a game soon. Just goes to show you can hate the English but if your CnB you'll drink with anyone. Went to Portmeirion on Sunday if anyones interested, very good too.

Readey at 12:4:15 Tuesday October 12 99
Afternoon just.

Readey at 11:59:44 Tuesday October 12 99
I thought John Majors best quote was when there was the Tory Party Leadership Race, (puts on crappy John Major voice) 'PUT UP OR SHUT UP'. Morning all as well.

FiOS at 11:58:29 Tuesday October 12 99
Newsarama - excellent. I seem to recall a news item in one of the eveing papers where Sinclair seem to be saying that he owes Harry a lot for taking him away from QPR and giving him a new lease of life at West Ham.

Newsarama at 11:40:37 Tuesday October 12 99
Big arse or not, Trevor Sinclair is certainly justifying Harry Redknapp's faith in him. The West Ham winger looks to be staying well into the next century even though Harry had his doubters when he bought the QPR winger in an £2m exchange deal. Harry recalled: 'One manager phoned me a couple of days before I signed Trevor and said: "You ain't taking him on, are you? He's got the fattest arse I've ever seen".' This and other gems are in the new Book of Football Quotations by Phil Shaw which is out this week

Neil Kinnock at 11:36:59 Tuesday October 12 99
WELL ALRIGHT!!

NEWSFELCH at 11:35:50 Tuesday October 12 99
Tuesday, October 12, 9:44am London Time Harry hits back at Wenger By Ken Dyer West Ham manager Harry Redknapp today reacted angrily to suggestions from Arsene Wenger that defender Neil Ruddock should also be punished for his part in the Patrick Vieira spitting incident. Vieira faces a lengthy suspension from the Football Association for spitting at the West Ham defender after the Arsenal player had been sent off in the London derby at Upton Park just over a week ago. The French star has since claimed that he was provoked by Ruddock throughout the match and Wenger has added his weight to the debate by urging the authorities to find a way 'to punish the provocateurs as well'. Wenger said: 'If the FA punish people who react they have to surely punish those who provoke. That is only fair. 'When I read that Ruddock was just playing the nice guy, and just went over to calm Patrick down, I found it quite shocking.' But Redknapp dismissed Wenger's claims. He said: 'It's absolute rubbish - a load of nonsense. 'I don't want to get into a slanging match and I realise that Arsenal are trying to help their player but to suggest that Ruddock should also be punished for that incident is ridiculous. He didn't spit at anyone, did he? 'If the positions had been reversed and I thought my player deserved to go then I would say so and that would be the end of it.' The West Ham manager is also unhappy at suggestions by Wenger that Paolo Di Canio 'cheated' for the two fouls on him by Vieira which led to referee Mike Reed sending off the Arsenal star. Redknapp said: 'They were two fouls. I don't think they warranted a red card but they were definitely fouls.' Meanwhile, Redknapp is hopeful that Rio Ferdinand will be ready for a comeback in tomorrow night's Worthington Cup clash at home to Bournemouth. Ferdinand has been troubled by an ankle injury for six weeks but played part of last night's testimonial match for Sir Alex Ferguson and came through with no ill-effects.

John Major at 11:32:45 Tuesday October 12 99
If it isn't hurting it isn't working.

George Bush at 11:28:28 Tuesday October 12 99
Read my lips. No new taxes.

Olw at 11:17:17 Tuesday October 12 99
M: a pleasure, mate.

Olw at 11:14:56 Tuesday October 12 99
Furthermore, they get a credit for next season if Arse get knocked out of the CL before playing the max six matches. Generous, huh?

Mahoolah at 11:4:0 Tuesday October 12 99
He is being a bit of a tart if you ask me. The sooner big clubs realise they have to abide by the same rules as everyone else the better. Ruddock only featured in the refs report for being spat at; if he had featured in the refs report for anything else he should take punishment as well. But he didn't and Wenger should realise he cannot take the law into his own hands. Otherwise all managers could make compilation videos of their favorite arsenal moments. He is a skilled media manipulator.

Adam at 10:41:51 Tuesday October 12 99
Right on to football, what about that Wenger, what a prat.

Adam at 10:40:34 Tuesday October 12 99
Siggy in my opinion you are talking rubbish. As Mahoolah its easy to take your viewpoint that they are all bad without actually saying why. The way I see it Thatcher changed this country totally (for the worse) , so to say nothing ever gets done by political parties is rubbish. Open your eyes fool.

Mahoolah at 10:27:13 Tuesday October 12 99
Phew. Glad you cleared that one up.

Olw at 10:25:58 Tuesday October 12 99
Contrary to what I wrote yesterday Arse fans now get 7 cup vouchers with their STs but no Worthless Cup games. The 7 include 1st round of the FA Cup and the 6 home games of the Champion's League (providing that get to the semis).

Mahoolah at 10:20:21 Tuesday October 12 99
I didn't realise I was listing all of the differences between socialism and conservatism. I thought I was poinint out a few of the differences between out threee main political parties. A rather poor attempt at spin doctoring I feel. Again, the easy way out is to say that everyone else is wrong, but leave out why.

Duke of Wimbourne at 10:20:18 Tuesday October 12 99
Me? The 13th Duke of Wimbourne? In a student nurse's hall of residence at three in the morning? With my reputation? ... Bingo!

Siggy at 10:14:41 Tuesday October 12 99
If they are the only differences between socialism and conservatism nowadays then they are closer than even I thought. But don't be fooled by manifestoes. Take note of what is actually done not what they say they want to do. Big difference, gullible people.

A politician in westminster, dramatically slashing defence budgets at 10:6:42 Tuesday October 12 99
And lo, is this a dagger i see before me, I shall use this evil blade to slice away at the devilish defence budgets black heart.

Mahoolah at 10:4:23 Tuesday October 12 99
Griff, at last, a dose of reality.

Griff at 10:0:24 Tuesday October 12 99
Mahoolah - all good points, but there aint no party like an S club party.

Swiss Toni at 9:56:6 Tuesday October 12 99
You know, putting up a tent is like making love to a beautiful woman. You undo the zip, pop in your pole and slip into the old bag.

Mahoolah at 9:50:50 Tuesday October 12 99
n0.8 One party wants to decrease defence spending, one wants to dramatically decrease it, and one wants to keep it the same as it always was

Mahoolah at 9:49:8 Tuesday October 12 99
no 7 . One party wants the house of lords to be democratic , one would prefer it to stay the same as always.

Mahoolah at 9:46:0 Tuesday October 12 99
No.6 One party wants a common sense revoilution, most of the rest of the country discovered common sense as a virtue years ago.

Mahoolah at 9:45:9 Tuesday October 12 99
no.5 One party wants a review of the laws concerning the use of recreational drugs, other partys don't.

Mahoolah at 9:44:0 Tuesday October 12 99
No.4 one party's policy is to stop building roads and one party wants to build more roads.

Mahoolah at 9:41:34 Tuesday October 12 99
no.3 One party Is called the Liberal party and is different again from the other two, and forms part of a coalition in Scotland

. at 9:41:27 Tuesday October 12 99
Its all about opinions, take that Ian from Northampton. He is Rich, Old and lives in some God Forsaken village in the middle of nowhere. He is entitled to his opinions but do they have anything in common with the majority of people who scrape by in a city.

Voice of reason at 9:40:39 Tuesday October 12 99
No. 2 One party has decided to edge toward Europe, one has decided to move away

Vioce of reason at 9:39:56 Tuesday October 12 99
Difference no.1. One party supports fox hunting, one dosen't.

Mahoolah at 9:38:9 Tuesday October 12 99
Enough of this Cereal Box political discussion. Its too easy to write 'They're all bastards' and 'they're all the same', as this means you don't have to justify your views. It requires less thought and offers an easy way out for the armchair political analyst. And to call the discussion 'laughable' indicates an inability to commit any useful dialogue to the debate.

Mahoolah at 9:32:51 Tuesday October 12 99
Does anyone need any more info about tommorrow's opponentS?

Adam at 9:31:28 Tuesday October 12 99
Thats only your opinion Siggy, it may not be fact, how do you know.

Mahoolah at 9:30:12 Tuesday October 12 99
If there's one team I don't mind losing to its AFC Bournemouth (europe's first community owned and run club). Dangermen to watch out for : Ian Cox, Central Defender, an older and lower division version of Rio, except he's dangerous at set pieces, and is quick. Ruddock should not be marking him. Steve Fletcher, Centre Forward. Looks about 6'3, is slow with a poor first touch. Can get on the end of crosses though. Should be marked by Ruddock at set peices. Mark Stein, Attack. Since moving to the club has scored goals without ever performing consistently. Top scorer last year, and still has a trurn of pace about him. Prone to injury. John Bailey, Midfield. Equally at home in the centre or on the flanks, the shortarsed playmaker can beat his man. Expect a lot of Bournemouths attacks to build from the fullbacks who are young and can run and overlap all day. West Ham shouldn't have too many problems unless the wing backs find themselves forcecd back, because then we may find ourselves outrnumbered in midfield. Bourmenouth play on a small pitch at dean court and genrally have good close control for a lower division side, but in recent years have lacked a cutting edge, rather like West Ham. Cherries fans are good natured and generally quiet, but sing 'red flag' and 'Seasiders' more often than others. Also a chant unique to Afc Bournemout is the incessant 'BOSCOME! BACK OF THE NET!', whcih occurs if Bournemouth look like they are going to score in a minute. Afc Bournemouth made their first trip to Wembly recently in the Auto windscreens final, which they lost to Grimsby, after being 1-0 up.

Siggy in Europe at 9:26:27 Tuesday October 12 99
Laughable political debate yesterday. Sadly those people don't realise that politics exists only in the minds of the radicals nowdays. The tories proved that there is only one way to govern this island of ours and everyone will follow suit. The difference between the two parties is solely image. Labour has characters, Tory has none. It was vice versa for the best part of 18 years which is why Maggie kept winning. Take the image and the soundbite out of British politics and there is fuck all left.

Ron Manager at 9:21:4 Tuesday October 12 99
But can you imagine Harry Redknapps face in the throes of sexual ecstasy?

Gerry A at 9:20:25 Tuesday October 12 99
Norman Tebbit's wife getting blown up by the IRA - Now that was funny.

Adam at 9:16:2 Tuesday October 12 99
I dont think Vic is real.

Tom my at 9:15:52 Tuesday October 12 99
As i look out of my window upon the sun kissed gardens of surbrurbia,i note that a curious scaffolding has been erected on the roof of my ne'er to well neighbour Ken Livingstone. Has Ken decided to hang himself on the news that Frank "Dobbo" Dobson has "decided" to run for Mayor of old London town? Or is the the only platform that Ken can use without upsetting everyone.? Tom let's talk about footie instead.

FiOS at 8:52:52 Tuesday October 12 99
Mornin' all Good see that Rio is fit for tomorrow nights Worthless Cup round. I can see Bournemouth on the end of a 5-0 thrashing. I have a ticket but not sure if I can make it now. Wrighty was right to condemn Keegans half-time rollicking of FLJ Sunday. Considering it was Franks first full international, Keegan took a bit of a risk. Thankfully, it payed off and Frank had a superb second half. As for Vics right-wing views, I'm not sure if they were his comments yesterday, but I can confirm he is your typical Thatcherite tory voting essex man.

Mahoolah at 8:40:43 Tuesday October 12 99
Agreed.

Saracen in politically ostracized at 8:39:24 Tuesday October 12 99
Interesting, but largely pointless political debate. Politics is no more. We have an American system now: 2 parties with about the thickness of a Rizla paper between their policies. The party thats in power is the one that covers up their own sleaze and exposes the other lot's more effectively. And has a leader who looks good when stage managed on Telly. The last area of debate has been erased - Blair has abolished question Time in all but name so that he doesn't have to think for himself even here. The only stage we have yet to follow the Americans down is having former 2 bit actors as leaders. That will come - Vinnie Jones.

********NEWSFLASH******** at 8:16:15 Tuesday October 12 99
**SHOCK IN ARSENAL TEAM SELECTION SCANDAL*** It was revealed last night that Arsenal have a young English player on thir books and whats more are planning to use him in a game of football. Shell shocked fans mumbled to each other in bus queues in response to the news. One, only known as Vic, said this morning, 'I don't trust anything that is under 34 years of age, especially anything English. Wenger should be sacked. Is it safe?', before disappearing behind his ample moustache. There will be a special ceremony before tonights game to mark the occasion. The youngster in question was unavailable for comment, but a statement on his behalf was read to the press: "Je suis tres grand. J'ai une crotte de merde dans mon pantalon". Mr Wenger the Arsenal manager is famous for his appearances on the muppet show and appears in this article courtesy of Henson productions.

Mahoolah at 8:6:41 Tuesday October 12 99
Harry votes labour and no mistake. Do you think there are any tory voters in teh squad? I think Sinca is a liveral. As is DiCanio, whereas Margas is a tory. Arsene Wenger is a green party memeber whereas geaorge Graham definaley votes tory.

Mahoolah at 8:4:57 Tuesday October 12 99
(Waving a yellow flag) Vote lib dem!

P Dantic at 0:57:5 Tuesday October 12 99
Fuck me, I seem to have stumbled upon the party politics site. Oh well, have Labour really caved into the IRA? Or have they caved in to the IRA? "Oops, sorry mate, I think I just caved into you." "Well just don't let it happen again."

Dazza at 22:14:23 Monday October 11 99
Hello chaps..I'm still alive!

Ian in Northampton at 19:32:11 Monday October 11 99
Paolo: I think, on reflection, I can see how you would come to that conclusion. However, I'd like to think that I'd be equally cynical were it a Tory government. Although as I am especially pissed off by hypocrisy, I find this lot particularly hard to swallow - there is an enormous difference between their claims and ideals and what I see happening. No, I'm not a Tory in disguise - I loathe this lot, I loathed the last lot and chances are, I'll loathe the next lot as well. Where is 'Spitting Image' when we really need it?

Ian in Northampton at 19:28:40 Monday October 11 99
Paolo: and you work that out how exactly?

Paolo la vecchia capra at 19:21:4 Monday October 11 99
Time to go. Ian, I was right, you are a Tory in disguise! Mahoo - keep taking the drugs.

Meteorologicos... mit Paula at 18:29:32 Monday October 11 99
Scorchio!

Anon at 18:13:1 Monday October 11 99
Can you smell fish?

Anon at 18:12:14 Monday October 11 99
You can fool some of the people all of the time. You can fool all of the people some of the time. But can't as hec fool all of the people all of the time.

Ian in Northampton at 18:5:57 Monday October 11 99
Paolo: re differences - remind me Wednesday, if you're still interested. I'm on the big silver bird tomorrow - hoping to get some of the action that nice couple got coming in from DFW. M: Hmmmm..... I think a mistake we're tending to make here is to equate the current Labour party with socialism: the two have, at best, a nodding acquaintance. Good to hear on the news this evening, though, that the Labour Party are continuing to occupy the high moral ground. If a senior Tory figure, having been forced to resign over serious allegations about his personal finances, were put back in a prominent position in the cabinet, there's be cries of 'sleaze' - but with New Labour, the new sleaze is cronyism. M, my old fruit, the Labs and Libs may have the potential, but mefears you're living in a world that hasn't existed for a long time and won't exist for a long time to come. They're all as bad as each other: don't talk to me about their potential, talk to me about the actions I can judge. 'Two Jags' Prescott, indeed. This lot want power for power's sake and to feather their own nests - just like the last lot. Politics? Bah - humbug!

Ronnie at 17:45:21 Monday October 11 99
You ain't seen nothing yet.

Maggie at 17:36:32 Monday October 11 99
This lady ain't for turning.

Paolo at 17:19:4 Monday October 11 99
FiOS - is this really Vic? It's got to be a wind up, surely?

Trev at 17:9:40 Monday October 11 99
boredom...yeh quality

lee of thfc at 17:7:30 Monday October 11 99
yeah sorry, inane remark really stemming from boredom.

Vic the Gooner at 17:2:27 Monday October 11 99
Murder is murder. No excuse. Labour have caved into the IRA. Meanwhile thousands of east europeans are coming into the country on a jolly.

Anon at 17:1:43 Monday October 11 99
Lee,i personally cannot wait until the "class war" begins.Like arseholes who give it the big un on the web about soccer violence,when it actually kicks off,they are nowhere to be seen.What you will have is a few hundred deciated anarchists up against the British Army trained middle class who,(believe me),are far dirtier when the chips are down than the image they are credited with. Tom Quivering behind the net curtains(not)

Paolo at 17:0:44 Monday October 11 99
PS - lee of thfc, this has long puzzled me, why do you spend so much time on a WHU site?

Mahoolah at 17:0:9 Monday October 11 99
VIC : At least the lefties are trendy. I can imagine you sat there with your tache casting shadows over your polyester beige a lines and knitted wooly pully. OOOOppppps. I seem to have descended in to farce. Sorry everyone. Off home now.

Paolo at 16:59:31 Monday October 11 99
This particular bit of the middle class is far more scared of the Tories (and the sheep who believe their propaganda) than violence.

Mahoolah in two minds again. at 16:58:0 Monday October 11 99
Off home. Eenjoyed the lively political debate.

lee of thfc in north london at 16:57:5 Monday October 11 99
the only war is the class war - simple as that. direct action - violence scares the middles classes like nothing else. talk till your blue in the face my friends

Vic the Gooner at 16:57:5 Monday October 11 99
Oh right. Believe the hype when it concerns the Tories. But its fiction when the trendy lefties are exposed as hypocrits.

Mahoolah at 16:56:55 Monday October 11 99
Paolo : I wouln't impersonate Tony Blair. It'd be tacky.

Mahoolah at 16:54:26 Monday October 11 99
Ian : I did not intimate for one moment that Labour Politicians aren't; the current crop of ne'er do wells in government are hardly people's people. Its just that one of my 'things' is that Conservative Politicians, no matter when or where will always be untrusworthy rapscallions of the worst order when it comes to fighting the peoples fight. There is some hope, however for the Liberal Party and the Labour party. They have the potential for listening to the common man. In fact (am I allowed to admit this?) I voted Liberal in the election. Pot smoker you see.

Adam at 16:52:19 Monday October 11 99
Vic, Dont believe the hype. Why shouldnt Prescott have 2 Jags. He works harder than you.

Paolo at 16:51:55 Monday October 11 99
Mahoo - was that you?!!

Tony Blair at 16:51:26 Monday October 11 99
Hello everyone! I'm also the leader of the Conservative Party. But won't admit it.

Tom my at 16:51:3 Monday October 11 99
Adam 1)We don't need the Ruc as apparently Labour have already surrendered to the Ira. 2)Under labour more people are living in poverty and not getting the correct food so bringing back Nhs dentists excellent idea(especially after getting whacked in Osijek) 3)I thought it was Redknapp who got us back into Europe,but if Blair wants to take the credit so be it. Tom The plodding neolothic monster...excellent and vivd description have a look at the dinasours are us programme to night...will i be Toryrantus?

Paolo at 16:50:47 Monday October 11 99
Ian iN - can you give us a few of those 600 differences? Did you try to get it published?

Adam at 16:50:37 Monday October 11 99
Ian, Its true what Mahoohlah says, but you just need to take those blinkers off your eyes. The Tories are from another planet, not one that I live on.

Vic the Gooner at 16:49:24 Monday October 11 99
Tory Politicians are in it for themselves? Three houses Meacher, two jags Prescott, undelared £50000000000 private loan Mandy.

William Hague at 16:48:54 Monday October 11 99
Hello everyone! I'm the leader of the Conservative party. My best idea was to increase the speed limit on motorways to 80 Miles Per Hour. My Worst idea was to let Ffion give me a golden shower on our wedding night. Bye Bye!

Ian in Northampton at 16:47:51 Monday October 11 99
Adam: I haven't seen the Labour Party doing it yet.... Mahoolah: good grief, man - what twoddle. I don't have an axe to grind either way, but to believe that Tory politicians are only in it for themselves while Labour politicians are, of course, in it for the greater good of mankind scarcely becomes an acknowledged thinker such as yourself.

Paolo at 16:45:34 Monday October 11 99
Pity me - Anne (The Peoples' Princess) Widercombe is my MP!

Mahoolah at 16:41:59 Monday October 11 99
Unfortunately I was brought up Labour and as a consequence I can no longer recognise any redeeming feature of Conservatism. Also, Torys generally make me chuckle to look at, watch, listen or on a basic psychological level, consider. The seem such outdated and sterile beasts. Plodding arond the political grasslands on their conservative high horses, making sure the blinkers are firmly in place. Eating from the same patch of grass year in year out, nbever wanting or considering the possibilities that lie just over that fence. In the same way that god does not exist, Tory Politicians are in it for themselves. No wonder the country voted in at no. 4 in its all time list of fave tv moments the shot of portillo losing his seat in the last election. I will believe this until someone proves it is not so.

Adam at 16:41:12 Monday October 11 99
Tommy, what do you mean taking us into Europe, giving the worker some rights back. Bringing dentists back to the NHS. Dismantling the RUC. I couldnt imagine the Tory Party doing any of that.

Tom my at 16:36:52 Monday October 11 99
Adam,Vic made the relevant point,Blair is doing the job for us quite nicely. Ta Tom

Ian in Northampton at 16:36:18 Monday October 11 99
Adam: didn't we decide last week that it wasn't a very nice thing to do to look at someone and, on the basis of their appearance (e.g. Wenger) conclude they're a paedophile?

Ian in Northampton at 16:34:46 Monday October 11 99
M: as I may have mentioned, I lived in Texas for a couple of years, and wrote a book on my experiences - something along the lines of "600 differences between Texas and England". Of course, it never got published - but the motivation for the thing was that we often perceiev - because of the language similarity - that our two cultures are very similar. The fact is, there is scarcely anything which is the same. What makes it particularly disorienting is that, if you go to a country where you don't speak the language and have had very little exposure to the culture, you immediately accept that things will be very different. But going from here to there, it's much more of a shock because we THINK we know what they're about and we THINK we know what they're saying - but nothing could be furtrher from the truth.

Adam at 16:34:43 Monday October 11 99
I'm afraid to say Tommy that the Tory Party are at the moment unelectable. Which sane person would vote for Hague. I don’t like Blair, in fact he's quite evil, but that Hague, come on. I wouldn’t be surprised if that man was a paedophile.There is something very dodgy about him.

Mahoolah at 16:29:58 Monday October 11 99
I've read notes form a small Island as well, very good. The thing I like about NFA Big country was it gave you a wide slice of the lifestyle, and it fascinated me. It was like he was translating all the nonsense I see on my TV screen. Due to it being a compilation of newspaper columns Its an excellent toilet book, but I read it in one sitting, so I'll have to look for another one. Also recommend Victor Lewis smith's 'inside the magic rectangle' . a bit dated, but funny all the same.

Tom my at 16:29:46 Monday October 11 99
Very true Vic,and not a particularly good one,perhaps that now you have lost interest in football you could join forces with me in rolling back the evil forces of Socialism no marches or anything,but a 63 dows,a bit of badger baiting and a decent claret(and blue) to set our our new mainfesto.? Tom The Tory

Paolo at 16:28:55 Monday October 11 99
Oh dear indeed, it's difficult to know where to start!

Adam at 16:23:44 Monday October 11 99
Oh Dear

Vic the true blue Gooner at 16:22:28 Monday October 11 99
Tom i've always been a conservative voter. But now labour have stolen most of their policies, I don't see any need to vote anymore. Tony Blair is a conservative.

Tom my at 16:17:8 Monday October 11 99
Vic,i have always voted Conservative although i came damn close to abstaining altogether at the last general election. And just a general note,were'nt Hitler and Stalin allies first?.It was only because Hitler reneged on certain promises that Stalin saw the light and decide to fight the hun. If you recall the meeting between the leaders of the Nazi(national socialists)aka fascists,and the Russkies(communists)a member of the council said that the "Ism's became wasm's" backing up Ian's point that extremes of any Political party can lead to trouble if unchecked. Having said that,here i am a countryside supporting bloodsports supporter our here on the right wing looking to the left shouting "oi ghengis/thatcher pass the ball". I do not know if that makes me a reactionary fascist?.I have always thought of myself as proactive rather than reactive...i blame the Rhodesian upbringing and the evil influence of the Chicken Run myself. Tom

FiOS at 16:16:13 Monday October 11 99
I read that book a while ago now. I enjoyed it too. I also read his 'A Walk in the Woods' which had some funny moments in it.

Ian playing to the gallery in Northampton at 16:14:17 Monday October 11 99
Adam: you're right - that bloody bleeding heart liberal Attila the Hun. And as for that raving leftie Margaret Thatcher.....

Ian in Northampton at 16:12:52 Monday October 11 99
I can recommend anything by Bill Bryson - I've read four of his, and I think there's one or two others. All very funny.

Yossa at 16:12:33 Monday October 11 99
I think Victor's political leanings just prove my earlier observations about him also i believe it to be one of vics sexual kinks to be taken up the gary by the old milk snatcher

Adam at 16:10:55 Monday October 11 99
Ian would believe was a Socialist but I dont.

Paulo at 16:8:47 Monday October 11 99
PS - Stalin left wing??? Since when?

Paolo at 16:8:21 Monday October 11 99
Mahoo - just read it, excellent book, made me laugh out loud on the train! Weird country, though. Did you notice at the end he wants to come back, but his wife and kids don't.

Mahoolah at 15:59:21 Monday October 11 99
On U.S. Cable TV, on average during a film, there are ad breaks every 7 minutes and you have to watch 50 minutes of ads to get through 100 minutes of film.

Mahoolah at 15:57:54 Monday October 11 99
Alfs Book Club reccommended reading list for those who don't like americans very much. #1 : Bill Bryson : Notes from a big country Did you know that the the US Government is introducing laws to introduce a mandatory life sentence for bringing under 2oz of marjuana (the drug equivalent of 2 bottles of vodka) to American Soil, and the death penalty for smuggling over 2oz? Did you know that 56% of High school students asked could not name a single country in Asia? Did you know that in 2 hours of "World News" at prime time on US TV on average there is 22 seconds devoted to articles on countries outside the US?

Adam at 15:51:47 Monday October 11 99
Ian, I agree, I hate Stalin's policies as much as Thatchers. But there does seem to have been so many right wing reactionaries including most of the recent US Presidents. Left Wing opinions are suppressed in the US at the moment. As for Pinochet, how can "Mad" Maggie Thatcher back him just because he was an ally in the Falklands War. So was Stalin in the 2nd World War and we all know what a monster Stalin was.

Mahoolah at 15:50:23 Monday October 11 99
Oh, just a quick question of a quizzy nature. The scene : A young Rio Ferdinand, sporting a young afro haircut, with his younger brother and blond mother in attendance, walks out on to the pitch before the days game and signs schoolboy forms with a special guest watching. The trivia challenge for today is : What was the game? What year is it? What division? And who was the special guest? Only answer if you can be bothered. Or if your name begins with "Sil". That means you, Arsenals new left back and you the young lad in that tv program for kids where the lad rides a horse and has a friend with a gammy leg called goddick.

Mahoolah at 15:44:33 Monday October 11 99
Refferring to suggestions made below, I would like to point out that this is my second posting of the day after my earlier contributions which was by "Loretta" and read "Well there's the aqueduct". I I do not wish to be connected to any other postings that are to be considered to be of a "Weird" nature. There are other more anonymous weirdos out there who continue to annoy or entertain you. I will lay claim to the famous Beligian Songster Jaques Brel, and the cricketer with marriage problems Alvin Kallicharan. Thats me for the day. Back to work again.

Ian in Northampton at 15:36:15 Monday October 11 99
Adam: one of the worst kinds of reactionary fascism is the attempt to suppress/pervert other people's points of view/opinions. It doesn't matter if you come from the far left or the far right - it's as possible to be a left wing reactionary as a right wing one, and to be a Socialist fascist as it is a Conservative one. Just a thought.

Vic the Gooner at 15:34:11 Monday October 11 99
Any Conservatives here? Or am I surrounded by Left Wing Loonies?

Yossa at 15:22:39 Monday October 11 99
I was having a read of the Yids teamtalk page the other day interesting stuff. They seem obessesed with frank jr and one fam even admitted it would be a step down to join spurs no when was the last time you heard one of them say something like that

Paolo at 15:19:33 Monday October 11 99
Is he for real? No wonder he's a Gooner!

Vic the Gooner at 15:18:23 Monday October 11 99
Whats wrong with voting for the Conservatives? Margaret Thatcher was the finest Prime Minister this country ever had. The Unions deserved all the police bashing they got.

ecnirp in never you mind at 15:18:17 Monday October 11 99
He who sups with the devil needs a long spoon - Chaucer

Yossa at 15:13:56 Monday October 11 99
Someone said Rio is playing tonight for the rest of the world

Adam at 15:12:58 Monday October 11 99
Ian, I am currently in the process of trying to change my girlfriend's somewhat "reactionary" views. Which I believe stem from her upbringing in a small village in South Lincolnshire. I am making some headway as only last week she said to me "I hate the Tories". Next I will have to change her support of Arsenal, which may prove trickier.

Ian in Northampton at 15:7:25 Monday October 11 99
Adam: I'm sure you're right, although I can't think on what topics. And I seem to recall your girlfriend agreed with at least one of my contributions - and I doubt you'd date a 'reactionary fascist'?

Paolo at 15:1:46 Monday October 11 99
Language, Caroline!

Adam at 15:0:18 Monday October 11 99
Ian, I think you received the moniker due to past opinions. Rob, Did you go yesterday?

Caroline at 14:52:55 Monday October 11 99
Hello, just stopping by for a second to berate Kevin Keegan. He had no right to single out Lampard for criticism and then speak to the press about it. As ever, it was the England team as a unit which looked somewhat unconvincing and unsure of itself, it wasn't Frank specifically. Dyer didn't play brilliantly but Keegan didn't have a go at him. "For the first time as England coach I had to get angry" (he wasn't angry after the performance against Poland?), "maybe I should do it more often." Maybe Lampard should have been picked for England more often before now, maybe Bowyer and Izzet should play for England more often, maybe Owen should play from the start more often. Pillock.

Ian in Northampton at 14:51:28 Monday October 11 99
Adam: can't fault your definition. So what did I say to earn the soubriquet from Paolo?

Anon at 14:44:4 Monday October 11 99
What testimonial?

Olw at 14:43:58 Monday October 11 99
Rob: I disagree. Only those who can't pay their way should get them. They were introduced in the old days when players didn't earn enough to keep them going once they quit playing. No one involved in pro footy now can say that, can they? (Except Bosman himself)

Adam at 14:43:22 Monday October 11 99
Backward-looking Repression, Tyranny, Dictatorship thats whats wrong with a Reactionary Fascist.

Canal 9 Weather Report at 14:42:56 Monday October 11 99
Scorchio!!

Rob at 14:40:38 Monday October 11 99
Olw, yes. Only players should get Testimonials.

Ian in Northampton at 14:39:45 Monday October 11 99
Vic: damn' right. Don't even LOOK at me the wrong way or something awful will happen to your wife/daughters/goldfish.

Anonymous punter at 14:37:17 Monday October 11 99
Okay, let's try this: Anyone else think that tonight's testimonial is a sick joke?

Paolo at 14:34:11 Monday October 11 99
Vic - no, there are reactionary fascists lurking!

Ian in Northampton at 14:29:57 Monday October 11 99
Paolo: "reactionary fascist"?

Vic the Gooner at 14:29:7 Monday October 11 99
Is it safe?

Paolo at 14:28:38 Monday October 11 99
Hmmm, that's the 'peace' talks fucked then.

Newshound at 14:24:54 Monday October 11 99
Meddlesome Mandelson back in the UK government! He's the new Northern Ireland Secretary!

Olw at 14:11:26 Monday October 11 99
Anyone else think that tonight's testimonial is a sick joke?

Ian in Northampton at 14:3:11 Monday October 11 99
Paolo: yeah, but he did it spell it wrongly....

Paolo at 13:58:8 Monday October 11 99
Yossa you're slipping - you gave Bournemouth a capital B!

oLW at 13:56:43 Monday October 11 99
Yossa, I think we should play the kids. We have greater commitments these days. 1966 a fluke? What's the reasoning being that? The person who claims such a thing has obviously never seen any of the games.

Ian in Northampton at 13:47:51 Monday October 11 99
Paolo: what's led you to believe this? And are you saying it's a bad thing?

Yossa at 13:46:44 Monday October 11 99
May I suggest a team for the Bournmouth game in goal forrest defense of charles potts izzy and margas and keller midfield foe carrick moncur and upfront wanchope and kitson I suggest this cos stimac rio lampard and hislop di canio and sinlair and lomas need a rest its pointless playing Lomy just in case he picks anything up what with foe being absent on sunday anyone got any better suggestions

Rob, carry in g for a minute at 13:42:18 Monday October 11 99
Also, STH's don't get a choice in what cup games they get free. No matter what, it's the first two DOMESTIC (FA and League Cup) cup games that they get in for free.

Rob, sort in g this mess out at 13:40:10 Monday October 11 99
STH's get in on their season tickets on Wednesday. STH's get 2 free DOMESTIC cup games every season. STH's don't get the European games free on their season tickets. The price of these tickets depends on the opposition. For the BML, these have been: Jokerit (£22), Heerenveen (£22), Metz (£10), Osijek (£20), and Bucharest (£25).

FiOS at 13:40:2 Monday October 11 99
I don't think the influx of foreign players in the Premier League should mean a mediocre English team at all. We should be benefitting from their presence. But it is worrying that we seem to think that a 5-0 victory over Luxembourg is 'progress' from a dismal performances against higher quality sides. Don't think for one moment the victory over Belgium is a turning point either. Had this been a play-off we may have seen a very different result. But a victory is a victory I suppose and winning can only strengthen confidence in the side. Which is what I think we lack. A bit of belief in ourselves. Euro 96 with all its hype saw a very lucky England v Spain I thought. But I don't think 66 was a fluke. We were lucky occasionally but isn't evreyone. Italy were one of the luckiest in 1990. Our 1970 England side was even better from what I hear. Its a shame with fizzled out like we did in the seventies.

Paolo at 13:33:25 Monday October 11 99
Ian iN - I'm beginning to suspect that you are in fact a reactionary fascist! Perhaps you'd care to vehemently deny this?

Ian in Northampton at 13:30:18 Monday October 11 99
Paolo: none of them's me, but then, you suspected that, right? And I'm with you on the "outbreaks of weirdness = Mahoolah".

Paolo at 13:29:16 Monday October 11 99
Using "one of those girls who work at the club". Hmmmm.

Ian in Northampton at 13:29:11 Monday October 11 99
Re: Last week's discussion about the pros/cons of the Grauniad - this from Football365's 'Mediawatch'. Excellent! The Corrections and Clarifications section in The Guardian is the funniest column in British journalism, but surpassed itself on Thursday, with the following announcement: "On page 8 of Monday's sport section we captioned a picture: 'Mark Rivers swoops in on Tranmere Rovers' Alan Mahon during Crewe Alexandra's 2-0 win.' The Crewe player was Shaun Smith, not Mark Rivers. The Tranmere player was Dave Challinor, not Alan Mahon. Crewe did not win 2-0. They lost 2-0." This is the column which once read: "The absence of corrections yesterday was due to a technical hitch rather than any sudden onset of accuracy."

Paolo at 13:27:27 Monday October 11 99
Q - I'm pretty sure Big Vern isn't Stu - not his style at all. In fact Stu seems to have disappeared completely. My theory is that most/all of these odd postings that crop up from time to time are the work of just one or two people. I'm pretty sure Mahoolah is behind the weirder ones, especially when there's an outbreak of several weird 'people' all talking to each other. As for the others, I have my suspicions, but it's pointless airing them as I'm sure the person(s) I have in mind would deny it.

Adam at 13:24:36 Monday October 11 99
Has anyone else used the Automated booking Ticket Service. Much better using a computer than one of those girls who work at the club. Also there was no mention about S/T Holders purchasing tickets for Wednesday, so it looks as though we get in free.

Paolo at 13:22:2 Monday October 11 99
Hmmm, have to agree with that, I'm afraid. Does the success of the Premier (i.e. because of the high number of foreign players) mean we'll only ever be able to raise a mediocre English team? Do we have to sacrifice international success in order to have one of the best leagues? Or is it that we never really were world class - 66 was just a lucky fluke?

Spot on assessment of England at 13:8:7 Monday October 11 99
KEEGAN GOES OVER THE TOP By Graham Shaw, Sporting Life Kevin Keegan said England can win Euro 2000 after they made the play-offs through the back door on Saturday – wake up Kev! I've long respected Keegan for his footballing principles and his refreshing attitude to the game. But his buoyant reaction to Sweden's win over Poland, while understandable to a point, was so wide of the mark it's not true. “We might now go to Euro 2000 as back-door Charlies - but who is to say we won't come out of the front door in Belgium and Holland next summer if we get through?” Keegan's reasoning for this remark seemed to be based on Denmark's famous victory in Sweden in 1992. But I'll be mightily surprised if lightning strikes again in Rotterdam next July. After the drab goalless draw in Poland last month my colleague Mike Fryer explained very eloquently what could well be the root of our international problems. Put very simply, we think we're better than we are. A lot of our regular e-mailers agreed with those sentiments, but the penny hasn't dropped yet with King Kev. On Saturday he said: "If we are honest we should be going to Euro 2000 as one of the favourites. We have got a tremendous league and, even with all the foreign players, there are still 40-45 class players who could go on that stage and do us proud." Maybe so Kev, but unfortunately they don't. And the use of the description “class” instead of “world class” just about sums it up. Yes the Premiership is a great league, but the players who are truly world class in our top division weren't born here. We do have some good players, but that's all most of them are. The last time we had a true world-class midfield talent was when Paul Gascoigne was at the top of his game. That was Italia '90 and we reached the last four if I remember. Gazza also had a pretty good Euro '96 and we again reached the last four. But the euphoria created by that Terry Venables team was slighly misplaced also. We played all the games at Wembley, and the only teams we actually managed to beat were Scotland and a Dutch side beset by internal strife. Our record in major championships doesn't merit going to Holland and Belgium as favourites, and if the championship were still in its old format with less sides it probably wouldn't merit going at all. In qualifying for the play-offs we've been miserable – let's face it. We've scraped in ahead of a Poland team which I can only describe as woeful. Personally I didn't have sleepless nights for a month like many Englishmen waiting for Saturday's game in Stockholm – the Poles were simply too bad to get a point from that game. But our failure to break them down in Warsaw last month spoke volumes. The only teams we've beaten to get to this stage are that Polish outfit and European football's perennial minnows Luxembourg. If that's a record that deserves a place among the market leaders for next summer, then the odds makers are displaying more patriotism than common sense. We have a side packed with “good players”, but that doesn't tend to win major championships. Until we find true world-class talent, or maybe do a Tony Banks and change the rules so we can play foreigners, we should be satisfied simply to reach the finals.

Quizmaster at 12:52:18 Monday October 11 99
Chris Mann ! No, Isn't he "Big Vern" or was that Stuart ?

Olw at 12:29:13 Monday October 11 99
Lamps and Redcrap supposedly got lambasted for playing too similar and also too similar to Ince in the holding role. KK wanted them to play less deep (shallower?) in order to penetrate more. This they apparently did in the second half. I only saw the last 40 mins of the first half and Lamps didn't seem all that involved.

Paolo at 12:18:3 Monday October 11 99
Just read all that stuff on Ironworks about Keegan having a go at Lampard at half time - what on earth for?!! I thought he had an excellent game. Anyone else understand this?

FiOS at 12:17:4 Monday October 11 99
Paulo, I'm reading the Bucharest ticket info. Apologies everyone. I'll shut up now.

FiOS at 12:14:58 Monday October 11 99
Forget that last entry. I'm talking bollocks again. See Ya

Paolo at 12:13:14 Monday October 11 99
Bit worying FiOS, I hope it's just the usual WHU cock-up. By the way, this from Teamfibs: "Ironically, it was Harry's son Jamie who scored the winning goal with a thumping drive in the second half." Anyone like to tell me what's ironic about that?!!

FiOS at 12:9:55 Monday October 11 99
This is from the official site. I assumed you therefore had to pay. On Sale to ST Holders to guarantee their own seat

Paolo at 12:5:53 Monday October 11 99
Ever since I've had a S/T it's been the first two cup games free (i.e. the ones where we play crap teams, no one turns up and we get beaten). I assume this season is the same. If it's not there's going to be a lot of pissed of supporters on Wednesday night - and that's before the game starts!

Olw at 11:40:38 Monday October 11 99
In the old days you got the 1st round of each cup free an dthe vouchers were for priority booking for later rounds. My mate who had an arse ST said that ALL rounds were free and they got a refud if AFC were knocked out early!

Niki at 11:38:32 Monday October 11 99
Mornin' all. I haven't got a ticket for Bornemouth, I'm assuming it's included in our ST.

Adam at 11:36:37 Monday October 11 99
I've had a look at my Season Ticket, and there are loads of Cup Vouchers. But I read in the programme that tickets are available at a reduced rate. Surely we get 1 cup game free.

Paolo at 11:32:57 Monday October 11 99
Adam - S/T holders get into at least the first cup game free. I thought it was the first two games but now I come to type it I'm not so sure, I'll have to check my season ticket tonight.

FiOS at 11:31:48 Monday October 11 99
When I say your own seat, I mean ST seat. Not that you would have to share one with someone else.

Brian at 11:22:28 Monday October 11 99
Romans go home!

Svenska Hammer at 11:20:46 Monday October 11 99
hallo, so our boys did you guys a favor after all, that's good as no Euro 2000 would be same without the makers of football ;-). And now we hope to see Frankie, Rio and Trevor in the final against Kennet, Stefan and the rest.

Soothsayer at 11:15:43 Monday October 11 99
England 3 Slovenia 1; Slovenia 2 England 0.

FiOS hop in g there will still be tickets available on Friday for the home leg v Bucharest at 11:15:2 Monday October 11 99
Adam I think I read somewhere that St holders are guaranteed their own seat. But I don't think its free.

Adam at 11:11:39 Monday October 11 99
Does anyone know if Season Ticket Holders get in Free for the Worthless Cup match against Bournemouth?

Soothsayer at 10:57:52 Monday October 11 99
England 3 Slovenia 1 - Slovenia 2 England 0

Loretta at 10:15:6 Monday October 11 99
Well there's the aqueduct

Reg at 10:8:47 Monday October 11 99
What have the Romans ever done for us?

Paolo at 10:6:22 Monday October 11 99
PS - morning all.

Paolo at 10:6:1 Monday October 11 99
Excellent weekend footy wise, shit otherwise, but then you can't have everything (and WHY NOT???). Frankie had an excellent game and looked like he'd been playing for England for months (which he has!). I used to be a FLJ detractor, but the way he's playing this sesaon I'm beginning to think it will be FLJ who turns out to be the big WHU name in the England side, not Rio, or even perhaps JC. One other thought on the Sweden game - can you imagine the reception Larsen is going to have from the fans on his return to Celtic?!

FiOS at 9:45:29 Monday October 11 99
Good to see Frank Lampard Junior in the first team. Long overdue, even though the papers report he got an ear-bashing from Keegan along with Jamie Redknapp. Cracking second goal from Jamie. Thanks Sweden, but to be honest I still can't build up any interest in Euro2000 yet. Maybe when we get closer to it, perhaps I'll change. Mornin'all.

Trev at 9:36:6 Monday October 11 99
Sweden...quality

Griff in sodding work at 16:27:15 Saturday October 9 99
Cheers Sweden. Bit of a tense last 20 mins mind.

Dave iP at 16:10:31 Saturday October 9 99
Q: you wouldn't be Chris Mann would you?

Niki - be in g Swedish for the day at 12:37:16 Saturday October 9 99
Well said Tom. On a lighter note, I was just thinking how great it is to have an extra week to contemplate our slapping of the Arse!! Did anyone see Razor on Soccer AM this morning? I got up late and missed all the interviews - what did he say about Viera? I'm off to Ikea...

Tom my at 10:18:52 Saturday October 9 99
If God is alive and well and a communist.Perhaps Soggy,sorry Siggy or Adam could explain Gods cunning plan in allowing hundreds of desperately poor and wrethched peasants to die in mud and landslides over the past two weeks?. Or could it be, that upon reflection your gleeful comments equating capitalism,"Fat cats" and a terrible,terrible train accident might,just might have been in extremely bad taste.? Tom

Paolo at 20:19:39 Friday October 8 99
PS - Goodnight - and let's hope the Swedes do the decent thing tomorrow. COME ON YOU SWEEEEEEEEEEEEDES!!!

Paolo at 20:18:44 Friday October 8 99
Ha ha, ha - it was almost worth logging in again! What a fucking long Friday!!!! I am 'ing knackered.

A joke...of sorts at 17:2:15 Friday October 8 99
Bloke takes his Rottweiler to the Vets cos' its cross eyed 'Could you have a look at my dog, he's got cross eyes'. The vet picks the dog up and looks into its eyesand says 'hmm I'm sorry sir I'm going to have to put him down' , 'What cos he's got cross eyes!!?'exlaims his shocked owner. 'nah he's fucking heavy!'

Quizmaster at 16:51:31 Friday October 8 99
Pub it is then, whose round is it ?? It couldn't be mine, I bought last year..........

Quizmaster at 16:50:42 Friday October 8 99
That f**ks another week then. What do you think ? Pub or Gym....hmmmmm.....Gym or Pub....hmmmmmm

The Joker at 16:33:6 Friday October 8 99
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

Adam at 16:25:24 Friday October 8 99
Yeah, Tottenham Hotspur Football Club

Quizmaster at 16:24:40 Friday October 8 99
Anyone got any jokes ?

Adam at 16:19:15 Friday October 8 99
Is this the same Sinclair who scored a brace against Spurs last year.

lee of thfc in heaven - Ponders End at 16:15:58 Friday October 8 99
Walker is an international - that's a bald fact cast in FA stone. He happens to be shit, granted, but then I never said he wasn't. Sinclair - no Adam, no. Im just not having it. His call up is a relection of England's parlous lack of quality, not his own ability. As for Joe Cole, Yossa, I'd be willing to eat my words, but only when his actions speak louder.

Adam at 16:15:50 Friday October 8 99
Paolo, We dont need or want Albino Hendry. We've already got Rio,Stimac,Potts, Margas,Ruddock, Charles ( and injured, Minto,I.Pearce,S.Pearce) plus all the youngsters.

Paolo at 16:13:59 Friday October 8 99
And, while we're at it - is Wanchope FJH in disguise?!!

Paolo at 16:13:12 Friday October 8 99
Now we're talking football (at long last!) - can I direct you to my earlier question: why are we interested in buying Hendry? Surely we have enough defenders by now - and anyway we're supposed not to have any money to buy players!

Adam at 16:8:31 Friday October 8 99
Every West Ham fan knows that Lampard has been class this season. As for Sinclair he has been consistently good since he came to West Ham, and considering the dearth in any wide English players, it is a travesty he hasnt been called up before. All we need now is for England to play proper football, instead of this hoofing it in the air. Not much chance with Wilkinson being at the FA.

Quizmaster at 16:4:35 Friday October 8 99
Ehhh Lee, Walker a proven international ?? What are you on ? Flapper isn't a decent club keeper not to mind international. That Baardsen guy is way way better.

Yossa at 16:3:46 Friday October 8 99
Come off it lee youd love to have sinclair rio frank joe cole carrick in your first time squad and you know it from the spurs squad being honest the only player who i think could add to our squad and i means this without blinkers are sol and tarrico ginola old anderton skinny sir lesbian mighy as well be dead amstrong dug dealing piece of shit sherwood wears make up lehondarsen under 4ft needs winter off for snow white and acting as santas helper

Paolo at 16:3:25 Friday October 8 99
I seem to have been made a saint! I don't know that was, but they made a lot of sense.

lee of thfc in in paradise, under the bus shelter in Edmonton Green, where God was once seen eating a kebab at 15:55:57 Friday October 8 99
Sinclair??!! He aint West Ham's product! And he won't prove good enough either, I tell you that. The jury's out on Lamps as well - even your fans were saying he had a very average season last year. Another David Platt in the making I fear. Rio - Mr One A Game, they call him - cos he makes a calamitous error in each one. But I wish em all luck tomorrow...

Adam at 15:48:27 Friday October 8 99
Its with us now, Ferdinand, Lampard and Sinclair. The future is claret & blue. Join up now before its too late!!!

lee of thfc at 15:45:19 Friday October 8 99
Big assumptions, cos it's a big step up in class. 1 every five years?? We've had Sol Man, Carr and Walker - all home grown and proven internationals. But with you the lazy press regurgitate cloned stories about the wonderful "academy". I'll believe it when I see it mate.

Adam at 15:40:21 Friday October 8 99
The Spurs Conveyor Belt trickles out at a rate of 1 player every 5 years. While The Academy's spews out player after player, year after year; Ferdinand, Lampard, Cole, Carrick, Newton, Bywater, Defoe (thanks Charlton), Brittan (thanks Arsenal).

lee of thfc in the place where angels tread on a daily basis - north london at 15:35:9 Friday October 8 99
Adam - your right - Campbell off into the sunset, and I can't say I blame him. Step into the breach 19 year old Ledley King, strong, quick, black, local lad - instant replacement who is even better at his age than the Sol Man was. Word of advice son; keep your young players out of the papers otherwise they burn out and die. How's backstabber Redknapp - talking to that nice bloke Billy Bonds yet??

Adam at 15:26:3 Friday October 8 99
Lee, Why dont you stop supporting a "Selling Club"- It looks like Campbell wants to hold out for a freebie to Man U.

lee of thfc in god's country - north london at 15:22:33 Friday October 8 99
we're all going on a european tour!! you lot still nickin our song?? Germans next for the THFC steamroller - where will it all end? in glory I should imagine, us being Tottenham. Joe Cole - don't believe the hype. Cheers

Jaques Brel in Oostend at 15:17:6 Friday October 8 99
Ello my friends, eet eez tiame for me to say 'allo to yeu again. You will be plessed to ere zat my geeg last week in ze social club went very well. In fact I wuz so good zat I was asked back for some more zis week, so I cannot stay long chatting to you crazee inglish boys about le footie. From my luxury 3rd floor appartement in OOstend, I am able to pick up ze crazee inglish telvisioon. For a while now I was able to view teletubbies an zis was very good for me. I was seeing John Motson on ze oliday program for famous people where zey go back and re-live holidays. Super johnny Statboy when racing back to Lyon for eez oliday and once ee wuz zere he was zo boring zat he made me puke into my chiops and mayonaisse, you know we drown it een zat shit. And we can av beer in ze cinema. Anyroads, it mad me sink, 'Jaques, who would yeeuuu lik to commentate for you in your leetle ead of yours". So I pondered ziz for a while and I decided zat ze BBC should no longer empoy Meester Motson but eenstead should hask ze guy oo provides ze commentary on ze teletubbies. "Time for ruddock bye byes" "Now Arsenal have had a man sent off and he's not very happy. look he's about to cry. Look at all those tears coming out of his mouth. Where do tears really come from children?" "Look at poor old Neil Ruddock, he's had too much tubby custared an cannot run very fast". Zis man could revolutionise ze ole match of ze day thing. Anyroads, my passe pontification about all thats boring in ze Belgian world are now at an end, so until next week, remeber zese words "ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas"

Steve at 15:15:2 Friday October 8 99
St. Paolo: Any fule no that Maggie is completely fucking bonkers, did more to fuck up this country than anyone else this century, and should be locked up and the key thrown away. Even hubby Denis, in the middle of her anti Europe rant was heard to say, "This is insane". Did I mention that I wasn't a Tory?

St. Paolo at 15:7:34 Friday October 8 99
"We are by far the best country in Europe". On what are you basing that, Thatcher you nutter. The best Railway System, the best Education system, Health System, Industry (what industry?), football. The only thing I can think of is music and that is debateable. "All the problems are caused by Mainland Europe and the solutions are from English speaking Countries". Right, so we're talking about Vietnam and Korea then. How about the partition of Israel/Palestine & Cyprus all done by the British. The creation of Yugoslavia wasnt a solution surely. How about the massive reparation bill we hit post First World War Germany with, I think that helped create the social and economic climate for Hitler. I reckon Thatcher needs an O Level History course and she should take along Paul Johnson of The Daily Mail as well .

Big Vern in me MK II Jag., cahntin' fivers at 15:0:0 Friday October 8 99
Afternoon Ladies and germs, long time no speak. Me an' the boys 'ave just been sussin' our next job, and I fought I'd take the time to come and say hello to my claret and blue buddies, an' see if I can put a bit of work someone's way. The long an' the short of it is that we need a driver, the last geezer we 'ad was some face from Jimmy Two Sheds firm in sarf London,an' what a perfumed ponce 'e was. We was in this buildin' society in Wandsworf an' the teller was givin' us a bit of grief, so I give it to 'er wiv both barrells and we scarpered, when we gets ahtside, this prick is pluckin' 'is effin' eyebrows in the mirror, an' don't even notice me and butch 'Arry jumpin' in the back. Before we know it, the filf is everywhere lookin' for us, so I says to this slaag who was wiv us, "git aht there and put yer 'ands up, it's dahn to you that we was still 'ere !". So,aht 'e goes, 'ands in the air, "It was me guv., over 'ere....". Then, wallop, abaht 'undred coppers jump on 'im and me and 'Arry 'ave it on our toes. There is an important lesson for us all 'ere friends, and that is, people will do the most unbexpected fings wiv a twelve bore 'anging aht of their moufs. Anyway, must love yer and leave yer now, off to get me sawn-off re-bored, ifyer fancy that drivers job, leave a message on 'ere and we'll arrange a meet dahn the Old Black 'orse on the Mile End Road for a bit a'verbals. Look after yerselves and remember, yer onlyu as good as yer last bank job. Bonjour.

Mahoolah at 14:51:9 Friday October 8 99
Talk to Nigel Clarke about the stats error. Nice article though. Trev seems as happy as a small frog that had been given liscence to roam free about the lily pads of the pond and not have top worry about jumping tax, and also dicovered his local boozer is having a free booze weekend.

Olw at 14:47:3 Friday October 8 99
Mahoo: The last time there were two hammers in the team was earlier in the year when both Wrighty and Rio played again the Czechs (I think). Nice weekend all (both).

Mahoolah at 14:43:54 Friday October 8 99
Sorry for the spam an all. I did it paintballing for my company. We won, but I was just another innocent victim of war.

Mahoolah in Hary Redknapps fan club for good cos he loves West HAm at 14:43:6 Friday October 8 99
Awful moment Hartson nearly decapitated Eyal By Ken Dyer Like Harry Redknapp, we all have enduring images of our life and times. The West Ham manager, for example, enjoys instant recall when it comes to President Kennedy's assassination, Marilyn Monroe's billowing skirt over a New York air vent and Neil Armstrong's moonwalk. There is another image which often troubles the West Ham manager, though, as he writes in the new paperback version of his autobiography. It is the day that John Hartson, weighing in at 15 stone, kicked the diminutive Eyal Berkovic in the head during a training session. For the first time, Redknapp gives his version of that fateful day, of the gruesome moment itself and his subsequent ill'fated attempt at damage limitation. The latest, updated version of Redknapp's autobiography also includes a section on Paolo Di Canio but obviously makes no mention of Sunday's lively London derby against Arsenal. Had it done so, how would the West Ham manager have chronicled the events surrounding Patrick Vieira's sending'off and the subsequent furore over the infamous spitting incident? Would he have seen it something like this? 'There we were, 2-0 up and with Di Canio playing out of his skin. Suddenly Vieira, who had already been booked along with almost everyone else at Upton Park that day, trips Di Canio. 'I knew what was coming and so, I suspect, did Arsene Wenger. Mike Reed waves the red card and Vieira goes berserk. He's walking off but then back he goes, looking for the ref. It's all happening in front of the dugout and suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see Razor Ruddock approaching. 'Razor's a good lad but he does like a ruck from time to time. Anyway, before I have time to tell him to p*** off out of it, he's there, standing beside Vieira who's lost it at all levels. 'Suddenly it all goes off and the Frenchman spits right in Razor's boat race. Now no one, including me, can abide that sort of thing but, as I can reveal now, it was all a big mistake. 'In fact, I had just offered Vieira 6/1 he couldn't hit the Arsenal physio's bucket from five paces and Razor just happened to get in the way.' All pure fiction, of course, unlike Redknapp's autobiography. The new paperback version, for example, includes a new final chapter which deals with that infamous training ground bust-up. 'I have one great regret about the whole drama,' writes Redknapp. 'I did not confiscate the videotape of the incident. 'It was just my luck that on the day John Hartson lost his head (and Eyal Berkovic almost lost his) the Sky Sports cameras were at Chadwell Heath to get footage before the following night's live match against Southampton.' Redknapp goes on to recall the events of that 'grim October day'. 'John had been really struggling for form and was going through a vary bad patch. He'd been superb for us the season before but he'd come back after the summer struggling with his weight and it was a real battle for him from the start. 'The frustrations were showing off the field as well as on. I had the players in on the Sunday for a bit of light training for the following night's match. Nothing serious. Just a light workout, ending with a nice little eight'a'side game. 'Anyway, Eyal had the ball and out of the blue John caught him with an horrific tackle. It could have snapped him in half. Eyal went down, almost screaming in pain but John roared at him to get up and went to pull him up. 'As he did so, Eyal lashed out with a back-hander and hit John across the knee. It was a blow that wouldn't have hurt a fly but John reacted by taking a kick at Eyal that would have taken his head off if Eyal had not managed to throw it back to avoid the worst of the damage. 'I knew right away the cameras had caught everything and knew that I had to act quickly because otherwise it would have been all over the telly that night. 'I told the Sky people that it was a private training ground, that I'd let them in purely out of goodwill and therefore that I had the right to demand that the pictures would never be shown on TV. They agreed and said it would be the last I heard of it.' The opposite was, in fact, the case with the x-rated pictures all over a tabloid newspaper and TV. Many other managers would have made their training grounds off-limits following such an incident but it is to Redknapp's credit that he continues to welcome fans and media to Chadwell Heath. The picture Redknapp paints of Di Canio, meanwhile, is of a perfectionist, a man whose social life consists of sleeping and cooking pasta. 'He wants to win so badly it's incredible,' wrote Redknapp. 'In a practice match at training one day Frank (Lampard) and I stood chatting on the line when we suddenly noticed Paolo waving his arms like a windmill, then holding his head in his hands. 'I asked Frank what he was doing. We couldn't make out what his problem was but he was pointing up the pitch to someone. Turned out he was having a go about one of the defenders who was just standing there scratching his b*******. It made Paolo go off his head.' Foreign players, in fact, often feature in Redknapp's book - Marco Boogers, Paolo Futre, Florin Raducioiu to name but three. Amid all the slapstick humour, though, Redknapp's determination to keep on improving his West Ham team shines through. As he writes in his final paragraph: 'It was only a few years ago that we were favourites to go down at the start of every season. Now we're talking about fifth spot in the Premiership and challenging the big names of Europe in the UEFA Cup. 'It ain't gonna get much better than that.'

Mahoolah in Trvor Sinclairs Fan club fopr life cos he loves the hammers. at 14:42:18 Friday October 8 99
Sinclair part of new Hammers Academy By Nigel Clarke Not since the 'Academy' produced three players for England's 1966 World Cup success has there been such anticipation at West Ham that a new generation could emulate those heroes. For Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters, read Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard and Trevor Sinclair. Both Lampard and Sinclair could face Belgium at Sunderland's Stadium of Light on Sunday, giving West Ham more than one player in an England side for the first time since 1983, when Alvin Martin and Alan Devonshire played in a 4-0 win over Luxembourg. With Ferdinand already an established international, he could well join Lampard and Sinclair in a future side, especially if coach Kevin Keegan decides to rebuild. Whether he does or not could well depend on the result when Sweden play Poland in Stockholm tomorrow. Victory for Sweden will send Keegan hastening back to his tried and tested players for the two European Championship play- off games next month. Elimination from Euro 2000 will almost certainly give him the opportunity to bring in fresh talent. Sinclair, who hasn't had a look-in at international level since former coach Terry Venables called him up three years ago, has rejuvenated his career since West Ham manager Harry Red-knapp took a gamble and bought him from Queens Park Rangers for £1.5million two years ago. The versatile 26-year-old, who had been valued previously at £6m, spent six months out with cruciate ligament damage in his left knee soon after his last England game. Rangers went on to be relegated and he says: 'I thought I was wasting and I needed a new challenge. I needed a move to bring myself to life again. 'It was a difficult period in my career when I wanted to leave QPR. I scored a spectacular goal against Barnsley in the FA Cup that was shown on Match of the Day and that helped get me noticed. 'Shortly afterwards, I got injured and it was hard to come back. When I did, I knew I still needed to move. I had to step back and take stock of things and start all over again. ' It was just a case of who was going to buy me, because I had been out for six months and I found it difficult to get my form and fitness back. 'Harry Redknapp came in for me and I hope this call-up is some kind of reward for him taking a risk on me at the time. 'I wasn't enjoying my football or showing much quality on the pitch because I wasn't happy. Rangers went down to the First Division and I thought I had to get away. 'But although I'm happy now and doing well I wasn't expecting an England call-up. It had been mentioned at times but I've always just laughed it off. I thought it would be nice if it happened, but I wasn't holding my breath.' With David Beckham injured, Sinclair could start on the right on Sunday. But he can also play on the left, at wing back or the centre of midfield, although his favourite position is as a central striker. He said: 'I'm reading things now because I've played in so many different positions. I know the game a lot better. 'I feel I've had a reasonable career but being capped for England would make me feel like a complete player. Being called up is reward for the last two years at Upton Park, which I have really enjoyed.' It was only a question of time before Lampard made the full squad. He is a midfielder who can get forward and score goals. He has already managed five this season. At 21, he is also a quick learner and has the temperament to handle the step-up to international level. He said: 'I'm dying to win my first cap.' When he does, he accepts that it will finally remove the suggestion that he got into West Ham's team only because his father, Frank, was assistant manager. Frank Jnr said: 'It might have been part of my improvement, getting over that. In terms of character it made me a lot stronger. I couldn't wait to get rid of that tag and maybe since I lost it, it's been easier to get on and play my own game. From getting in the West Ham side to being in the England squad is a great big step in just two years, but I don't get too excited.' Part of Lampard's development this season is down to Eyal Berkovic leaving the club. Lampard said: 'I had more defensive responsibilities when he was there because he was great on the ball and a good passer but not so sound defensively. 'My dad always said that goalscorers get the publicity. Maybe he was feeling sorry for himself because he was a left back.' England have few goalscoring midfielders. Lampard could yet prove a priceless commodity.

Mahoolah at 14:41:16 Friday October 8 99
If anyone's off sick in the near future be sure to watch 'Diagnosis Murder'. Its stars and is written by Dick van Dyke and his son. And its an amalgam of all detective / medical us produced programs ever written. Its so awful its actually essential viewing. EG : Scene one : The aging doctor who likes to do things his own way and is usually right in the end is called by his maverick cop son who happens to be staking out a suspect from the very hospital Doc works in. The suspect is in the hotel opposite and looks like he;s ill doc ("I'm no doctor, dad, but something about the way he's acting makes me think he's sick. Real sick"). So Doc looks through the telescope and after a moments umming an ahing says 'Asthma. your suspect has ashma'. This sets the tone for the whole show. With obvious plotlines and boxes unnecsarily falling on people for no apparent reason its a real afternoon TV Classic. I can imagin teh producers sat round the table thinking up ideas for a show, when Van Dyke bursts in : "I got this great idea for a show. There's this doctor and his son's a cop, and the doctor dosen't mean to be he usually ends up solving his son's cases" ----------- "Okay, dick, you got a winner there". There was even a special scene at the end where Dick got to sing a song about the murder. Classic TV.

Paolo at 14:36:12 Friday October 8 99
M - which articles? Bad news about leg - how did you do it?

Mahoolah at 14:33:41 Friday October 8 99
My leg hurts. Torn Hamstring.

Paolo at 14:27:19 Friday October 8 99
Mahoo, old chap, talk to us!

Mahoolah at 14:25:12 Friday October 8 99
Check Out soccernet today, two good articles about West Ham today.

Griff at 14:15:58 Friday October 8 99
West Ham will not be thrown out of the UEFA Cup, following the revelation that defender Igor Stimac was suspended and should not have played in the first round against Osijek. UEFA have decided instead that Stimac, who was suspended for two matches back in 1995, while playing for Hajduk Split, will be banned for both legs of West Ham's second round tie against Romanians Steaua Bucharest. The Premiership club were absolved from all blame following the oversight by UEFA in leaving Stimac's name off a list of suspended players at the beginning of the season. "I think it's probably the correct decision in the end," said secretary Graham Mackrell. "Igor says it was such a long time ago he had forgotten all about it." Meanwhile, West Ham defender Neil Ruddock believes Arsenal's Patrick Vieira, sent off at Upton Park last Sunday, is "looking for excuses" after accusing him of physical and verbal provocation. He added: "I'm supposed to have called him a French prat. I'd be happy with that after some of things I've been called during games. In fact, if I said that, I'm a bit disappointed with myself."

Olw at 14:9:12 Friday October 8 99
But you were for a helluva long time, remember!

Paolo at 14:3:59 Friday October 8 99
Calm down Q, I said 'could be'! I was making a point about your useless 'clue', not implying that there were that many people interested in rugby, cricket and obscure music.

Q at 13:56:2 Friday October 8 99
Millions !!!!! ?????

Quizmaster at 13:54:59 Friday October 8 99
Brian Hamilton ! I forgot about him, yeah Blanchflower would have been too old to have played at that time. That makes 3 former NI managers that played for Everton, Hamilton, Blanchflower and Bingham.

Paolo at 13:54:7 Friday October 8 99
Griff - he's obviously not Stu!!!

Griff at 13:49:50 Friday October 8 99
Quiz - you referring to my Q, in which case it was Brian Hamilton. (I always thought you were Stu, but whadoiknow!)

Paolo at 13:46:34 Friday October 8 99
And the Ford workers have voted to ballot for a strike over racism - excellent, perhaps there is hope after all!.........Q - that's not much of a clue, how many of us can remember back that far? And there could be millions who read Olw's but never wrote anything on it!!!!

From the Grauniad at 13:44:10 Friday October 8 99
Former Chilean dictator General Augusto Pinochet can be extradited to Spain to face allegations of human rights crimes, a court has ruled. Bow Street Magistrates Court in central London committed Pinochet on all the 35 charges he faces - one of conspiracy to torture and 34 of the torture of Chilean individuals. Deputy chief stipendiary magistrate Ronald Bartle had excused the 83-year-old from being present for the ruling because of poor health. He said "all the conditions are in place" under the Extradition Act 1989 for him to commit Senator Pinochet to await the decision of the Home Secretary. Pinochet's legal team are expected to file an appeal against the decision with the High Court. They have 15 days in which to do so. A further appeal to the House of Lords is also possible before Home Secretary Jack Straw takes his decision.

PS at 13:43:50 Friday October 8 99
Was I right about Blanchflower ?

Q at 13:43:7 Friday October 8 99
I mean I read it but never wrote anything..

Quizmaster at 13:42:29 Friday October 8 99
Clue, I was one of the very first contributors to Alf's but NEVER was on Olw's.

Paolo at 13:37:54 Friday October 8 99
Kryptonite! Bugger. And I don't suppose Lois is spelt like that either.......

Paolo at 13:36:42 Friday October 8 99
Q - it is kosher. They have a couple of weeks to appeal (which they will, although it beats me why), then it'll probably go back to the Lords before Straw takes the final decision. I just hope Straw has the guts to go through with it and the old git doesn't die before he gets to Spain. Long live Mad Maggie!!!!!!

Olw at 13:35:1 Friday October 8 99
Talking about 1970 - can any year ever match it for quality of musical releases? In Rock, Benefit, Fragile, LZIII, Abraxas, After the Goldrush,Deja Vu, plus many many other.

Paolo at 13:34:7 Friday October 8 99
Q - the time has come to reveal your secret identity! All knowns supplies of krptonite are safely under lock and key, your old mum and dad are dead, and Lois Lane is engaged to Spiderman.

Quizmaster at 13:33:9 Friday October 8 99
Is that Kosher about Pinochet ? Great news if it is, that guy was responsible for ordering thousands of deaths. Not really sure about the legalities of the extradition though. Having said that, I love to have seen Mad Maggies boat when she heard the news. As long she's alive and as long as the media listen to her, the tories will never get back into power. Yaaaaahhooooooooo!!!!

Quizmaster at 13:28:52 Friday October 8 99
Danny Blanchflower captain of NI ?

Olw at 13:28:25 Friday October 8 99
Trust Ian to know! ELP was 1973 (close enough) and In Rock 1970 (ditto). Jethro Tull was spot on. 6/10.

Paolo at 13:23:41 Friday October 8 99
Ta. Excellent news re Caroline. Today's footy question - why are we after Hendry? Surely we have enough defenders by now, even at the rate they get injured?! Anyway, I thought we didn't have any money to buy players?

Ian in Bozeat (i.e. working from home...) at 13:22:33 Friday October 8 99
Olw: Emerson Lake & Palmer: 1972? Jethro Tull: 1970? Crazy World of Arthur Brown? 1968? Deep Purple: 1969? Not a clue

Pinochet Can Be Extradited, Court Rules at 13:18:40 Friday October 8 99
Yes!

Olw at 13:14:57 Friday October 8 99
Paolo: similar dark thoughts plagued me yesterday but she wrote to me last night and is alive and well. Thank God.

E-mail expert at 13:12:49 Friday October 8 99
Paolo: then block their addresses on your mail preferences. Yahoo and Hotmail have this option.

Paolo - thinking dark thoughts about Paddington, Reading, etc at 13:10:30 Friday October 8 99
Anyone heard from Caroline recently?

Paolo at 13:2:10 Friday October 8 99
E.mail expert - I'd rather not have most of it at all!

Olw at 12:53:15 Friday October 8 99
Just been down the local CD shop and picked up some bargains. Kudos to whover can tell me who made these albums and in what year: 1) Brain Salad Surgery; 2) Benefit; 3) Burn; 4) In Rock; 5) Killing Machine;

E-mail expert at 12:48:24 Friday October 8 99
Paolo: get your friends to send the hard core stuff to the freebee account. Easy when you consider it.

Griff at 12:33:56 Friday October 8 99
Jim - Davies it was. Pilchard on way.

Jim at 12:29:34 Friday October 8 99
Not Wyn Davies surely ?

Paolo at 12:29:28 Friday October 8 99
E.mail expert - I already have several (including some I can't remember the password for (or even the name of!)), but how does that stop people e.mailing my work address?!

Griff at 12:23:58 Friday October 8 99
Bruce, you were and still are the jock. Neville - no.

E-mail expert in the know at 12:17:40 Friday October 8 99
Paolo: Set yerself up with an external e-mail address, e.g. at England.com (It's free)

Neville Southall in the Kwik-Fit South Circular Relegation League at 12:15:46 Friday October 8 99
Was it me?!

Steve in a rush at 12:14:55 Friday October 8 99
Sorry, can't stop, really busy!

Bruce Rioch at 12:2:6 Friday October 8 99
Was I the Jock ?

Griff at 11:50:8 Friday October 8 99
Jim - Brian, yes. Kevin, no.

Jim at 11:47:0 Friday October 8 99
How about Kevin Ratcliffe and Brian Hamilton. Can't think of the sweaty though.

Griff at 11:36:59 Friday October 8 99
A Clue - the other 3 were Everton players.

FiOS at 11:33:45 Friday October 8 99
Phil Neal?

Griff at 11:21:12 Friday October 8 99
Thommo was Eng Capt. Kenny - that's the first time I've understood a word you said, but alas you're wrong.

Griff at 11:19:53 Friday October 8 99
Kev - no.

Kenny Dalglish at 11:18:56 Friday October 8 99
If it wasn't you, Kev, it might have been me. Thommo: who did you ever skipper?

Kevin Keegan at 11:17:14 Friday October 8 99
What about me?

Griff at 11:15:47 Friday October 8 99
Emlyn - no you weren't, shut up. Phil - yes you were.

Phil Thompson at 10:59:55 Friday October 8 99
What about me?

Emlyn Hughes at 10:56:29 Friday October 8 99
Was I one?

Olw at 10:53:14 Friday October 8 99
Morning all. For those incensed with this Debenhams/MankWank scam - their (Debs) email reply has been posted on Olw's.

Griff at 10:46:42 Friday October 8 99
Friday footie triv question. 1977 Merseyside derby had the 4 captains of the Home countries playing in it. Large pilchard to whoever can get all 4. Morning all, by the way.

Paolo at 10:30:22 Friday October 8 99
By the way, the crackdown continues - will all the people who send me stuff over e.mail please take me off their distribution lists. The odd external mail is OK, but sometimes my inbox is half full of stuff from outside which is obviously nothing to do with work, and in the current climate this isn't doing me any favours. Ta.

Paolo at 10:27:30 Friday October 8 99
Morning Mahoo - glad you're back, Alf's has been deader than a dead thing at a party of dead things who's just dropped dead.

FiOS at 10:17:45 Friday October 8 99
Mornin' all. I see Harry's autobiography has been published in paperback now. Plus extras that wasn't in the Hardback version. Claims the Hartson/Berkovic incident still haunts him. Plus Di Canio lives on pasta and sleep. The man is hungry for success apparantly.

Siggy at 9:28:4 Friday October 8 99
Europe sux. I wish I was back in ye old east end.

Rob at 9:21:41 Friday October 8 99
Hannah: Marmite? Now you're just taking the Michael. :-) xx.

Mahoolah at 9:18:34 Friday October 8 99
Morning all.

Newham Recorder at 22:51:23 Thursday October 7 99
Call-ups at all levels reflect way it's going FRANK LAMPARD WRITES FOR YOU DAD came into the medical room on Friday where I was having a massage following the game in Osijek and passed a fax to me that had come from Lancaster Gate. It was the excellent news that Kevin Keegan had called me into the full England squad for Sunday's friendly against Belgium and it topped off a marvellous couple of days. When I heard that I wasn't included in the under-21's, I assumed that I might be getting the nod, but it was still very exciting when it actually happened. Of course, this is the second time that I will have been involved with the squad, but last time, against Hungary, I didn't get a game. That is the next step for me, to force my way into getting a first cap and hopefully that will happen up at the Stadium of Light. What makes the news even better is that so many West Ham players have been chosen to represent England in the next week. Trevor Sinclair has played really well this season and fully deserves his senior squad place, while Adam Newton's recent rise to prominence has been fantastic for him. We've also got four players called into the under-18 squad and Glenn Johnson from is set to join up with the England under-15's. Rio would certainly have been involved too, had it not been for his injury, and the England boss phoned him to say as much. Before Sunday's game I was presented with the player-of-the-month trophy and then we went on to beat Arsenal, so having succeeded in the UEFA Cup already, this has been a week to remember. I'm glad that trip to Croatia is behind us but we never really had any problems out there on the pitch. The pre-match preparations were a bit of a farce with the players' coach not showing up and us therefore arriving only 50 minutes before the kick-off, but the match itself was very comfortable. The fans weren't too hostile towards us and the playing surface was alright. Once we got the goal it was effectively all over. In the second half we were a little bit sloppy and we let them back into it, but overall we dominated proceedings and finished very strongly. Harry was able to juggle the players around a little to rest us as much as he could for the game with Arsenal and that proved vital as the result shows. Despite all the bookings and sendings-off Sunday's encounter was still an excellent game but it was marred slightly by Patrick Vieira's behaviour after he was red-carded. To spit in someone's face as he did to Razor is the lowest of the low, I really don't understand what was going on in his head. That is totally disgusting and such a shame because he is a great player. As for all the cards that were shown I can't really say if they were right or wrong. Tackles were flying in all the time and it would be unfair for me to dig the ref out, especially in a game played at such a break-neck pace. I got tagged a couple of times and didn't get anything for it but that's just the way it is. Sometimes it's nice to be brought down because that could put you in a very dangerous position if the free kick is given. It's a part of the game and not worth moaning about. Arsenal might say that they deserved a point because they had a few good chances but the brilliance of Di Canio and hard work from the whole team earned us the win. There have been games in the past where we have not taken anything when we thought we should have won so it's about time that we had a bit of luck. Now we find ourselves with plenty of matches to play in a short space of time and most of them are away from home but that just adds to the excitement. If, at the end of the month we are still there or thereabouts, then that perhaps shows that we have got what it takes to stay there for the whole campaign. While some may see Bournemouth in the Worthington Cup as something as a foregone conclusion, none of the players is taking the game lightly. Firstly, they are a very good side and always threaten big teams in cup competitions. But it is also important that we keep the momentum going with a good win against them. The way we have started the season shows that we can handle anyone on our day and we go into our various internationals bubbling with confidence.

NH at 22:46:36 Thursday October 7 99
WEST Ham United fans have been on the end of many daylight robberies over the years - but it's usually the opposing team's striker scoring the winning goal in the final minute against the run of play. So how appropriate then that the makers of TV's latest crime drama Daylight Robbery should choose the Boleyn Ground as the location for their series' spectacular finale. The Thursday night programme which ended last week featured four women who, faced with spiralling debts and family problems, decided their only way out was a series of cash heists - culminating in an armed raid at Upton Park. Producer Cameron McAllister said: "Each of the women has her own motive for turning to crime, and although they are not professional, the police are left way behind. They cannot work out who is doing all these robberies and have no idea the gang are four women." The show starred former EastEnders actress Michelle Collins, Lesley Sharp, Geraldine Somerville and Emily Woof. Hot on their heels was the detective played by John Salthouse, formerly of The Bill, who in real life is a Hammers' fan. Programme makers Hewland International spent three days in April filming in and around the ground. Said Cameron: "West Ham were absolutely brilliant and could not have been more helpful. They allowed us to film wherever we wanted - in the VIP lounge, directors' box, the stands and even the cash room. "We chose West Ham because we wanted to maintain the East End feel of the programme and because they are a Premier League club. We had looked at some other teams but they didn't want to be associated with us." The gang targeted the club because they believed there would be a bumper amount of cash from ticket and programme sales from a major match. Added Cameron: "We did not give away any of the club's behind-the-scenes secrets because our story was a work of fiction, and I think most people realise that most tickets these days are paid for by credit card, not cash." Some of the ground staff appeared as extras in the programme and players Rio Ferdinand and Frank Lampard were lined up to star. Said Cameron: "We had talked to them about it but unfortunately they were needed for an international game so couldn't help us out."

Newshound at 22:41:30 Thursday October 7 99
UEFA CUP CLEARANCE FOR HAMMERS West Ham have been cleared to carry on playing in the UEFA Cup despite fielding Igor Stimac, who was ineligible, against Osijek during their first-round win. The disciplinary board of European football's governing body met on Thursday and cleared the club after a complaint by the Croatian side over the Hammers' decision to play Stimac, who should have been serving a two-match ban stretching back to 1995. West Ham won the two-legged tie 6-1 on aggregate. UEFA have, however, banned Stimac for the two legs of the second-round tie against Steaua Bucharest. The dispute surrounded Stimac, who, when with Croatian side Hajduk Split, was hit with a two-match ban after being sent off in a European game against Panathinaikos. UEFA admit they forgot about the defender's punishment and say they only remembered it following the complaint by Osijek. "It is normal procedure that, at the start of a competition, UEFA provides all member associations with a list of players who are suspended," read an official statement. "In this case, The Football Association received such a list but due to a technical error in our competition system, Igor Stimac's name didn't appear on the list which was passed on from the association to West Ham United. "Even though it was West Ham's responsibility to ensure that all of their players were eligible, the UEFA Control and Disciplinary concluded at today's meeting in Zurich that "the English club has acted in good faith". Osijek president Antun Novalic had said: "West Ham are not that good without Stimac and if he hadn't played maybe these games would have turned out differently. We hope that UEFA will do something about it." A West Ham spokesman said: "As far as we are concerned we have not done anything wrong. UEFA sent out a list of suspensions at the start of the season and Igor Stimac's name was not on it."

Paolo at 18:6:26 Thursday October 7 99
Quiz old chap, we don't hear from you all day and then you pop in just to tell us you're going to the gym! Why?! Anyone else still on here? I've just missed my bus, so if anyone wants stimulating chat for the next 15 minutes I'm your man (withing limits). Just looked up and there was a cat looking back at me through the window!! One life less for both of us after that!

Quizmaster at 17:23:33 Thursday October 7 99
That's enuf for today, I'm off to the gym.

FiOS at 16:59:38 Thursday October 7 99
Hey look I said I'm sorry! Try this one then http://www.steaua.com/home.html

FiOS at 16:22:49 Thursday October 7 99
Well I think that did the trick. I've killed alfs. All Niki's hard work gone to waste. Terrar

FiOS at 16:11:7 Thursday October 7 99
I apologise beforehand: A Sunday League soccer team is desperate for players. So desperate that > > >one > > >Sunday they are forced to play a chicken. Rather surprisingly the > chicken > > >has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line, > > the >next threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a > > perfect >cross. At half time all its teammates are very pleased and > > everyone runs >back onto the pitch for the second half. > > > > > >On the way the ref starts chatting with the chicken. >"Great first half > > mate, you must be really fit". > > > > > >"Thanks", replied the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its > > difficult >finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each > morning > > before >work". > > > > > >"What do you do then?" asked the ref. > > > >"I'm a chartered accountant" replies the chicken. > > > >At which point the ref immediately brandishes the red card and sends > the > > >chicken off. The bemused teammates gather round the ref and start > > >omplaining. > > > > > >"Sorry lads", says the ref, "I had no choice. Professional fowl". >

FiOS at 16:9:32 Thursday October 7 99
Vic was suppose to turn up last night to see the U18 international but didn't show. Claimed he would be wearing his gunners shirt but I think his bottle went.

Paolo at 15:52:25 Thursday October 7 99
That's more like it - it takes more than this to get Alf down!!

Dazza at 15:41:52 Thursday October 7 99
Vic=Gooner=thickcunt=no one should listen to him!

FiOS at 15:39:26 Thursday October 7 99
Dazza, according to Vic, all internet access at work should be banned.

Dazza at 15:37:34 Thursday October 7 99
Drew v Jockerit, Won v Heerenveen, Won v Metz, Won v Osijek

FiOS at 15:36:10 Thursday October 7 99
How many away wins is that in Europe for us now? Three? or Four? Who holds that record I wonder? It can't be that many.

Dazza at 15:31:19 Thursday October 7 99
We were in shock at the fact we were actually beating the Arse!

Paolo at 15:26:23 Thursday October 7 99
Incidentaly, Sunday was the first game in years when 'The Blue Flag' wasn't sung at UP - why?!

Paolo at 15:25:21 Thursday October 7 99
God did not create Chelsea!

Dazza at 15:23:48 Thursday October 7 99
Hello chaps...Has everyone had a net ban at work now???? bit quiet innit!

Yossa at 14:37:46 Thursday October 7 99
Coach H wasnt all first class

Griff at 14:21:57 Thursday October 7 99
Croatian club Osijek today pledged to call off their attempt to get West Ham thrown out of the UEFA Cup. Osijek appealed to UEFA, European football's governing body, after discovering that West Ham's Igor Stimac, who played in both first-round ties, was ineligible as he had not served a four-year-old, two-game ban incurred while playing in Europe for Hajduk Spilt. West Ham were confident that, at a meeting today, UEFA would simply enforce the ban on Stimac for their second-round clash with Romanians Steaua Bucharest. But today, Osijek general director Milan Spanjic said that although the club wanted compensation from West Ham, they were willing to drop their appeal. He said: 'West Ham United were very gentlemanly and correct when we played them and we don't want them to be thrown out. 'There is also no advantage in that for us - I don't think we would beat Steaua and we won't make any money from the tie since it is a long way to travel and they will not attract many fans. 'These bans last for six years so the suspension was still valid but we will withdraw our appeal to UEFA and instead ask West Ham for some money as compensation.' West Ham, of course, may prefer to take their chances with UEFA rather than pay compensation. Secretary Graham Mackrell said: 'Every season a list of suspended players is circulated amongst the clubs in European competitions. Igor's name was not on that list. I am confident that we did nothing wrong Stimac said today: 'I simply forgot all about it [the red card against Panathinaikos]. I feel very upset and embarrassed by this. As a player you cannot make mistakes like this which could get us thrown out of Europe.'

Hannah at 14:19:0 Thursday October 7 99
If god was a communist - then why did he create chelsea ??

Hannah at 14:17:45 Thursday October 7 99
Siggy - How the bloody hell are you - and how is life in Europe ??

Adam at 14:16:32 Thursday October 7 99
Siggy, that is probably true, as Jesus was a practising Socialist as well.

Hannah at 14:12:47 Thursday October 7 99
where the bloody hell is everyone???

Siggy at 14:12:31 Thursday October 7 99
God lives and is a Communist - why else would all the tories rich bastards perish in a fiery hell in the first class coaches? All their BMWs, jags and mercs are still parked up in Cheltenham awaiting collection.

Hannah at 14:6:21 Thursday October 7 99
Robert - i missed you baby xx by the way - what shall we have for dinner tonight? I thought I'd do us something special like marmite on toast.

Hannah at 14:5:10 Thursday October 7 99
I can take the comment about fat cats dying in the first class carriage in the paddington rail crash , but you lot have to remember that those people that died probably have kids without either a mum or dad now . I know that the fat-cats are bastards and no-one likes them, but little kids growing up without a parent is horrible , and the hurt is still the same when you lose a loved one wether you are rich or poor.

Rob at 14:3:0 Thursday October 7 99
It was fucking heaving only last week.

Rob at 14:2:33 Thursday October 7 99
Why has this site gone tits up?

Hannah at 14:1:32 Thursday October 7 99
Tory boy - its always easier to pass the blame onto someone else and let them clear up all the shit that you lot left behind. Your leader - william Vague is about as charismatic as a slug and sounds like he is constantly constipated.

Paolo at 14:0:3 Thursday October 7 99
The bastards did start by trying to make politicl capital out of it, on the early news programmes that c*** Redwood was implying it was Labour's fault for not funding the installation of the train protection gizzmo, but within a few hours they had obviously realised it was mostly down to their decision not to spend the money after Clapham and the complete fuck up of the BR privatisation (which made the Southall enquiry take years instead of months). Since then they have been playing down the political angle - even Redwood has been trying to sound reasonable. Wankers.

Ian in Northampton at 13:59:35 Thursday October 7 99
Sorry, guys, haven't been ignoring you - our bloody gateway went down - again! So, no takers on my provocation about it being largely fat cats who died in the Paddington disaster, by virtue of them travelling First Class in the first coach (and therefore, theorteically, buying themselves twenty seconds less walking time to their destination, thus using their cash once again to beat/cheat the system etc. etc.). There must be a certain irony there, given your remarks about the state of the railways being the result of umpteen years of Tory misrule. ("Daddy, is it true that a man can be prime minister?") Paolo, re Mahoolah: yes, I'm sure his absence is significant - did you read his post when he said hew as off work because of a paintball accident? Come back Mahoolah, and breathe life into Alf's!

Hannah at 13:58:25 Thursday October 7 99
what has happened to mahoolah - i miss his words of wisdom

Hannah at 13:57:13 Thursday October 7 99
it is very quiet in here - i think it may be down to the fact that doddy is actually doing some work other than researching on the internet and also the fact that everyone is cheesed off with my stupid comments that they go elsewhere for enlightenment instead of in here !!

Adam in London at 13:34:26 Thursday October 7 99
I agree totally Paolo, this Paddington disaster is the Tories and especially that nutter, Thatcher's fault. 18 years of severe under funding on Tubes and Trains has caused this. Labour dont have the bollocks to raise taxes to get more expenditure. But to make up for 18 years they need a hell of a lot more than they have got. It makes my blood boil to think that freak Hague and his assortment of nonentities will try and make political capital out of something that is their fault. People should always come before profits.

Tory Boy in Blackpool at 13:5:57 Thursday October 7 99
The Conseeeervative Paaarty did not neglect public transport It's just that the car manufacturers gave bigger donations to the paaarty coffers. That's what made the difference. Anyway, no self respecting Tory would want to mix with the great unwashed on a train or a bus, one might pick up some unmentionable disease

Paolo at 12:44:10 Thursday October 7 99
Greetings Ian. My feelings re Paddington are quite straightforward - inevitable outcome of 18 years of the Tories fucking up our public transport (especially the railways, which Thatcher hates). They gave us BSE, now they've given us Paddington - long live unfettered capitalism........Incidentally, do you think the terrible quietness on here in any way related to the complete lack of any Mahoolah this week?

FiOS at 12:41:13 Thursday October 7 99
Hello Paolo. You cold very well be alone today. I'm a bit busy lately and so is the whiskered one.But I'll be looking in every so often when I get the chance. Another thing was obvious to everyone last night was the amount over-acting by the Spanish players when a foul had been committed. They would be stretchered off to the sidelines only suddenly recover and waving at the referee to come on within seconds. I think something should be done about this. Either a booking or perhaps a 5min interval before you are allowed back on. It was getting rather silly in the end. Btw: England U18 v San Marino. Sun 10th Oct. 3pm Dagenham and Redbridge FC.

Ian in Northampton at 12:37:4 Thursday October 7 99
Paolo: I'll do what I can to lift the boredom. What would we like to talk about today? I suppose I could be really contentious and ask if Adam has a position re the fat cats/rich bastardsbosses/capitalists who he so vociferously hates and what happened to the first - First Class - coach in the Paddington disaster? Occasionally, I'm lucky enough to travel First Class flying transatlantic but, as many people have pointed out to me, that may not be so lucky: after all, whoever heard of a plane backing into a mountain? I think I'm going to regret posting this, as it's extraordinarly tasteless - but for God's sake, I've never known Alf's so dead - er, sorry, quiet.... Fan - this is the shit. Shit - this is the fan. OK - go for it!

Paolo at 12:9:34 Thursday October 7 99
Greetings Fios - not heard much from your bewiskered friend recently! According to Teamfibs it was/is cramp - lack of match fitness they said. Anyone else around, or am I going to sit and stare at an empty screen for an hour, as usual?!

FiOS at 11:53:36 Thursday October 7 99
Hello everyone. I managed to get myself along to the England U18 game versus Spain last night at Upton Park (alone after being let down by friends ,family and Vic. I thought you couldn't go wrong for £3.00 and kids free). Anyway I enjoyed it although we lost. Well we were losing 2-0 when I left. Lots of Harry Enfield type spotty teenagers over there ('It ain't fair') and by the sounds of it a large Spanish following in the West Upper (Espana!). As for the game. I thought both teams played well, we passed the ball well we just couldn't score. Spain got their chances and took them. Joe Cole got the biggest cheer of the night, naturally. When I left Trashorras of FC Barcelona had just scored his second shortly after Joe Cole had been replaced by Mathew Etherington (Peterborough Utd). Unfortunately I think he was the Spaniards only real threat. My only concern with Cole is that he seems to be a victim of cramp quite a bit. I think its cramp he suffers with. On a number of occasions this has happened. I don't think it could be down to fitness. Anyway, a good evening out if you had nothing else better to do as I didn't. catchya later.

Adam at 11:32:40 Thursday October 7 99
I can see now why the England team is so crap. Its run throughout by people with antiquated views. Any semblance of skill or something different is crushed out of the players. JC had as much skill as the Spaniards but never got the opportunity to show it. What we need is a Foreign International Manager and a complete restructuring of our game at all levels. I suggest that Joe gets an Italian passport as I fear he is going to be wasted if he plays for England. The only one of our international sides to show something relating to skill and just that something different, was the Under 21's. So what do they do, replace Peter Taylor with that "dinosaur", Howard Wilkinson.

Paolo at 10:24:13 Thursday October 7 99
Thanks Niki. The pie had MEAT in it - UGH!!! Paolo l'Asino, Paolo l'Asino, Paolo l'Asino, Paolo l'Asino......... hmmmm, doesn't quite have the same ring.

Olw at 7:57:37 Thursday October 7 99
Niki: might need them Sunderland tickets after all if West Ham get the boot out of Europe!

Niki at 18:42:12 Wednesday October 6 99
Thought it was about time to pass by and say YYYEEEEESSSSSS!!!!! What a bloody fantastic weekend! PAU-LO-DI-CAN-IO PAU-LO-DI-CAN-IO. We could clearly see three-thousand crying Gooners from the Lower West - it was just so SWEET. The silence from North London is deafening. Champihahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Happy Birthday Daz, have a good one mate. Paulo, belated birthday greetings to you too, hope you enjoyed your pie! Roberto, you recovered yet?? You sex god you.

Dazza at 18:9:2 Wednesday October 6 99
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DAZZA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

everybody sing this song to Gooners at 16:30:22 Wednesday October 6 99
"Vieira He's a C*nt Vieira He's a C*nt He Gave Giggsy the Ball Then Arsenal won f*ck all Vieira He's a C*nt Vieira He's a C*nt He Comes from Senegal He is an animal"

Rob at 15:10:39 Wednesday October 6 99
SEE YOU LOT TOMORROW. WHU TID.

Rob at 14:52:4 Wednesday October 6 99
Thanks everyone. You were very helpful.

Rob at 14:51:25 Wednesday October 6 99
http://www.steaua.com/home.html

Everyone at 14:50:56 Wednesday October 6 99
WE'RE AT OLW'S HOLE!!!

Rob at 14:46:22 Wednesday October 6 99
Where is everyone?!!!!!!!

Rob at 14:32:9 Wednesday October 6 99
I miss you too. xxx.

Hannah at 14:25:36 Wednesday October 6 99
hello !! How is everyone and most importantly - hello lovely robert. I miss you baby !

Ian in Northampton at 14:24:31 Wednesday October 6 99
Adam: no, no, no, NO! You don't just sit around waiting for revolutions - you've gotta go out and make them happen. Like the sign that nice Lenny Henry had on his office wall in 'Power & Glory': "If not now, when? If not me, who?"

Adam at 14:8:12 Wednesday October 6 99
I'm just sitting here waiting for it, Ian

Rob at 14:6:41 Wednesday October 6 99
CAPS IN HAND? Injuries to the England squad ahead of Sunday's friendly with Belgium could present Hammers pair Frank Lampard and Trevor Sinclair with their big chance. The duo are currently with the squad preparing for the match at Bisham Abbey, and with doubts hanging over a number of senior players, both could be in line for their first caps at Sunderland's Stadium of Light. Manchester United midfielders Paul Scholes and David Beckham have been unable to train due to their respective foot and hamstring injuries. Elsewhere, Alan Shearer and Martin Keown have ankle injuries while Tony Adams is struggling with an achilles problem. Keegan is keeping a close eye on developments before deciding whether to call in reinforcements from the U-21 set-up. With the game being a friendly, both Frank and Trevor have a great chance of finally making their senior bow at international level.

Rob at 13:58:22 Wednesday October 6 99
It is a fucking disgrace mate. I can't believe it. I have a duty to entertain perple on the Internet.

Ian in Northampton at 13:57:41 Wednesday October 6 99
Come the revolution.... Right, Adam?

Adam at 13:54:10 Wednesday October 6 99
Its disgraceful that Doddy has to Work at Work. He wasnt made for that, he is meant to be on the internet all day. What is this world coming to?

Ian in Northampton at 13:52:15 Wednesday October 6 99
So, what's with the working at work? (ref: Olw's)

Rob at 13:51:38 Wednesday October 6 99
Good mate. Not used to all this working lark!!

Ian in Northampton at 13:47:12 Wednesday October 6 99
Rob, I'm about. How about you?

Rob at 13:35:4 Wednesday October 6 99
Hello hello, who's about?

Quizmaster at 13:7:28 Wednesday October 6 99
Paolo, did you eat the pie after you picked it up ?

Cockney Spur at 13:3:45 Wednesday October 6 99
Paolo: How come your always on about your girlfriend, as if anyone gives a shit. Could it be because you're a proper iron living in denial.

Paolo at 13:2:12 Wednesday October 6 99
How come your always on about your girlfriend, as if anyone gives a shit. Could it be because you're a proper iron living in denial.

Quizmaster at 13:1:36 Wednesday October 6 99
Is Mad Maggie really off her head ? Saw her on the news last night, when she started spouting off about Europe, Tory Boy Hague nearly creamed his shorts. On a slightly different note or maybe not, I went to make a log yesterday morning and someone had left a copy of yesterdays "Sun" in the cubicle, had a look through and laughed out loud at that w***er Richard Littlejohn, He's a Tory, racist, fascist, sexist git isn't he

Cockney Spur at 12:59:38 Wednesday October 6 99
Vic: still sore about losing George and getting a whinging pedophile instead? Your loss, our gain. Steady: only until we cane you at the Lane again.

Quizmaster.......gett in g pissed off th at 12:57:7 Wednesday October 6 99
no one is putting anything on the page

Quizmaster at 12:52:57 Wednesday October 6 99
Here's a bit of a giggle, try this site at www.e-yourboss.com I tried it last week and Ebeneezer went apeshit !!!!!!! This is the story......."Inform your boss of that particularly annoying, destructive or ineffective behavior. e-YourBoss will send an anonymous letter explaining why your boss' particular behavior is negative, destructive and unproductive. As a way to help your boss become more effective by correcting this behavior, we will offer several suggestions for changing the negative behavior. If you so desire to give your boss an opportunity to reply and perhaps thank you for your efforts to offer constructive criticism, we will let your boss reply to e-YourBoss. We will forward your boss' reply to you, protecting your anonymity. In addition to sending your boss a letter, send your boss a self-scoring DiSC Profile. Profile will help your boss identify his/her behavioral style, capitalize on effective behaviors, increase understanding of self and how their behavior impacts others and their work environment. All this within the privacy of his/her office. Enter our "Takes The Cake" monthly contest. Tell us your worst boss story. Each month we will send the employee who is working for the worst boss a consolation cake. It is a contest you would rather not win. But if you have to put up with your boss, you might as well "eat cake" too."

Paolo at 12:52:49 Wednesday October 6 99
Hmmm, bit quiet on here today. Did they show much of the game on TV? If so, did they show Keown pretending Kitson had hit him? That was right in front of us, and they never even touched. There was no contact at all, but Keown went down like the proverbial sack of spuds clutching his face. Cheating bastard. Also, what about the penalty we should have had? DiCanio (I think it was him) was pulled to the ground by an Arse defender hanging on to his shirt - clearly inside the area and clearly a penalty, and the ref was close enough to see. Or perhaps DiCanio dived?!

Paolo at 12:46:35 Wednesday October 6 99
Just got back from 2 days off, so forgive me for being a little late, but YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! Fuck me, was it a brilliant day or what?!! A UEFA win on my birthday and then we beat the Arse 3 days later - can it get better???? The only down point was the wanker behind me who not only knocked my glasses off when we scored the first goal but also threw his pie in the air - which then came down all over my girlfriend and me. The rest of WHU are celebrating DiC's goal, I'm on all fours trying to separate my glasses from lumps of potato and mince!!

steady in paradise at 12:43:15 Wednesday October 6 99
fuck off yid scum, we beat the arsenal and spurs.

Teamfibs at 12:40:31 Wednesday October 6 99
Can you believe the neck of Sheerer, he can't honestly think anyone will believe this load of crap, can he ? Shearer not to blame for Gullit departure «« Newcastle striker Alan Shearer has insisted he was not to blame for the Ruud Gullit's departure and that the bad results forced him out. Shearer has spoken for the first time about the departure of Gullit from Newcastle and states that he think's the Dutchman was sacked because of the string of bad results the Magpies suffered at the beginning of the season rather than "player power.Ó "Things needed changing, and the changes were made," said Shearer. The England captain also spoke of his anger at being dropped to the bench for the game against Sunderland. He said: "I had never been dropped in my career. So to find myself on the bench for a game as important as the one against Sunderland that Wednesday night was a shock, believe me. "I didn't deserve it. When I spoke to the manager he told me I wasn't worthy of a place in the side. I didn't agree and I didn't like it. But I reacted in the right way."

Vic the Gooner at 12:39:46 Wednesday October 6 99
Cockney Spur, Graham couldn't afford him while the purse string are held by Suger.

Football 365 at 12:32:53 Wednesday October 6 99
PATRICK VIEIRA, apart from spitting at Neil Ruddock, was sent off for the fourth time in his Arsenal career against West Ham on Sunday at Upton Park. The 23-year-old has also managed to pick up no less than 39 bookings in his Highbury career, and was, according to Carling Opta, the fourth dirtiest player in the Premiership last season. However, if you think that with this record Vieira would have suffered some criticism from his manager during this time then you would be mistaken. Taking the manager's customary excuse of having poor eyesight at the vital moment to extreme measures and beyond, Arsene Wenger has stubbornly and consistently refused to denounce his fiery midfielder whatever his offence. Yet at least he has been consistent, which is more than can be said of Ruddock. Here 365 lays out the quotes which reveal all. "Did you also see Jesus Christ?" Arsene Wenger, when someone suggested that they had seen Vieira push a policeman in the tunnel after the infamous Sheffield Wednesday v Arsenal match last September. "Nothing happened with Vieira. I was walking right behind him into the tunnel and there was nothing. I am surprised that people are saying he has a problem with the police. Of course I will defend him if there is any question of the police taking action against him. I see no reason for that and I would be really surprised if the FA took any action either." Wenger, this time scoffing at a police report. Vieira was subsequently found not guilty of hitting a policeman, but was fined (a then record) £20,000 for raising two fingers to Wednesday fans. The Arsenal manager hadn't seen that. "I don't think Vieira is treated as he deserves to be. He always goes for the ball. It is never him who starts an argument. Players go into a game and try to upset him." Arsene in playback mode. "I did not have a good view of it." Wenger making his customary post-match speech after his French midfielder had been sent off for elbowing Charlton's Neil Redfearn at the Valley last December. However, Wenger may apparently have had an obscured view yet that didn't prevent him from admitting: "I was very surprised he was sent off." "We are competitive and that is different to being a dirty team and breaking the rules." Arsene defends his team at the height of his row with Charlton's Alan Curbishley. Wenger had defended Vieira (Ed - now there's a surprise) and promptly blamed Redfearn, citing him as the dirtiest player in the Premiership on the basis of Carling Opta's figures. "The great thing about English football is that it is honest." Patrick Vieira, speaking before the start of the season. Perhaps he should have a word with his manager. "Patrick Vieira got some severe tackles on him and I was surprised there was not more of a reaction from the referee." Wenger again, after dodging questions about whether his star midfielder should have been sent off for head butting, and aiming a punch at Roy Keane, in August's clash at Higbury with the Champions, by claiming that the dugout was not the best place from which to have seen the incident. Sounds familiar. ''Di Canio had a great game, but I'm very frustrated by his behaviour. It's not really fair play. He dived, and it was just in front of the bench." Wenger, blaming Di Canio for Vieira's sending off and at last admitting that it is possible for him to see something from the touchline. "I think Patrick has to keep his nerves better". Wenger acknowledging that perhaps his midfielder's temperament is not perfect. As for the spitting incident Wenger said: "I did not see it." The bench, you understand, isn't the best place to see anything after all... ''He spat at me and as far as I'm concerned that is the lowest of the low. Had he spat at me in the street, I would not have been able to control myself. No player should spit into the face of anyone. It was disgraceful behaviour.'' West Ham's self-confessed peacemaker Neil Ruddock, after explaining that he didn't want to dwell on the matter. "I tried to calm things down." The commendable Ruddock explaining why he had run around 45 yards across the pitch to greet Vieira, and thus displaying a hitherto hidden side of his character. "He's Scum." Ruddock again, warming to his theme. "Yes it all got a bit nasty but by the final whistle it was all forgotten and we were back in the bar having a drink together, all friends." Ruddock, making the greatest u-turn since Kevin Keegan said he was staying with Fulham. As a matter of fact, Neil - Vieira, for all his crimes, doesn't drink.

Cockney Spur at 12:29:53 Wednesday October 6 99
No hammers here so might as well talk Spurs. Vic, how come your team fields scum like Viera? Graham the Disciplinarian wouldn't have touched him with a barge pole.

Vic the Gooner at 12:4:43 Wednesday October 6 99
It's save to come in !

Alf at 11:29:7 Wednesday October 6 99
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I'm off to OWL'S HOLE!

Alf at 11:28:58 Wednesday October 6 99
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I'm off to OWL'S HOLE!

Alf at 11:28:47 Wednesday October 6 99
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I'm off to OWLS HOLE!

Alf at 11:28:36 Wednesday October 6 99
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I'm off to OWLS HOLE

Alf at 11:25:31 Wednesday October 6 99
Fuck it, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I'm off to THE HOLE!

Quizmaster at 11:5:23 Wednesday October 6 99
I'm here.

Readey at 10:44:23 Wednesday October 6 99
So... er....where is ..... er .......everyone.........errm..........er......e....I'll get my coat !

Alf at 9:49:49 Wednesday October 6 99
someone use my board please, don't go back to olw, please, oh please...

Yossa at 9:15:12 Wednesday October 6 99
No one seemed to want to discuss sinclairs new deal or the signing of charles or sir alex anal problems whats the problem.Youd think after the weekend that had just gone everyone would be up for it. unless we were all in shock about yesterday I know I was

Ian in Northampton at 8:57:47 Wednesday October 6 99
Well, I didn't miss much on here yesterday, did I? It looks like everyone's gone back to Olw's. My excuse is that our gateway was down most of yesterday - what's yours?

Anon at 16:58:10 Tuesday October 5 99
Alf's is dead! Long Live Olw's

Anon at 16:54:12 Tuesday October 5 99
Alf's is dead! Long Live Olw's!

Albert at 16:41:40 Tuesday October 5 99
Oui, a Paris............

Albert at 16:27:0 Tuesday October 5 99
Ou est le train pour Bordeaux ?????????????????

lee at 16:18:55 Tuesday October 5 99
Hannah, any news on the one nighter ????

Anon at 15:59:29 Tuesday October 5 99
Hi Filthy Slut!

Albert at 15:56:56 Tuesday October 5 99
Hi Mahoolah!

Mahoolah at 15:56:37 Tuesday October 5 99
Hi Albert!

Filthy Slut at 15:53:16 Tuesday October 5 99
Hi, Anon!

Anon at 15:42:43 Tuesday October 5 99
Hi Hannah.

Hannah at 15:28:18 Tuesday October 5 99
afternoon all !! xxx

Yossa at 15:28:1 Tuesday October 5 99
Sir Crap A lOT anyone eles here about sir alex brush with law apparently so he claimed at court hes arse was so slack he had to drive up a hard shoulder in order to find a bog

Albert at 15:27:21 Tuesday October 5 99
Quiet on 'ere, weathers been a tadge autumnanal, don't you know.

Quizmaster at 14:31:12 Tuesday October 5 99
No Yossa, I'm not a homophobe, I only like women. Any updates on the train crash ? last I heard at lunchtime, there's 8 dead.

Rob at 14:20:41 Tuesday October 5 99
See you people tomorrow.

Rob at 14:20:24 Tuesday October 5 99
REEEESULT.

TIW at 13:42:19 Tuesday October 5 99
Doddy, remember those programmes I had, just an offer of £1400, result or what !

Yossa at 13:38:1 Tuesday October 5 99
Sinclair signs a deal to 2004 and charles arrives for 1.2 mil newton to go on loan again With regards to the crash this is the result of18 years of the real tories and 2 of these fake ones Also quizmaster your a bit of a homophobe arent you. If anyone wants to know why the tories allowed Archer to stand even after all his problems ask mr tebbit

Griff at 13:23:33 Tuesday October 5 99
Vierra shouldn't have been sent off. Disallowed goal shouldn't have been. Moncur lucky to stay on pitch. Sinclair handballed. Di Canio dived. Good. 2-1 to the Cockney boys....2-1 to the Cockney boys........

Rob at 13:21:43 Tuesday October 5 99
Fuck ya then. I'm off. Not really. About til 2-ish.

Rob at 13:17:31 Tuesday October 5 99
Anyone about?

Adam at 13:12:17 Tuesday October 5 99
What planet are Gooners on? Thats the fans, the players and the management. They have all shown they cannot take losing. Why cant they just admit we beat them 2-1, simple as that. They try and find excuses, Sinclaair handballed; Di Canio dived; a disallowed goal; our thuggish players? and what ever else they can think off. The truth is Arsenal are dirty beyond belief in every game they play, that is their game without it they'd be nothing. Just for once we matched them physically and wouldnt lie down. The real truth of the game was we won, Silvinho dived all match, Keown feigned an elbow in the face, Bergkamp was niggling all game and Vieira was just scum (which we all knew anyway).

Football 365 at 12:55:32 Tuesday October 5 99
Is this a load of shite or what ? Some Common Sense, Please Can we please have some common sense on this issue? All I've seen today is condemnation of Patrick for apparently spitting at Neil Ruddock yesterday. Let's consider a few things... 1. Everyone thinks Vieira spat at Ruddock. Andy Gray has a column in 365 saying how bad it is, blah blah, and he was at Stamford Bridge! It seems everyone is condemning him when they were not there. (Ed - TV evidence would tend to disagree with you, even if Vieira didn't spit in Ruddock's face) 2. Ruddock ran fully 15 yards to charge into Vieira when he was walking back toward the referee. 3. Vieira had been baited by Ruddock in the first half, and Ruddock actually took a swipe at him in an off-the-ball incident. 4. Mike Reid had an appalling game, booking where he shouldn't and not booking where he should. 5. What about Foe's hideous challenge on Bergkamp? Sent off, yes but no-one's talking about it, are they? I don't condone spitting but then I don't charge into people in the street for no good reason. If I did I'd expect a lot worse than being spat at. West Ham were better than average and the best Arsenal were worth was probably a point. However, the frustration at having a perfectly good goal disallowed for offside, constant chopping and baiting by a thuggish West Ham contingent and some fantastically inconsistent refereeing would try the patience of a saint. I still firmly believe that players like Vieira and Petit are singled out by some of this country's referees and the thugs in the Premier League are getting wise to it and using it to their own advantage. It's about time this sort of behaviour was weeded out. Coming from an Arsenal fan, this may sound a little biased. David Killengray And It Was Three Points Lost What everyone has forgotten about Sunday's game is that Arsenal, unlike Manchester United, deserved to win. Mike Reed has been proven to be an awful referee and it showed again yesterday. The first goal from West Ham should have been disallowed, as it was clearly handball. Anyone who looks at the replays will see that Trevor Sinclair reached up for the ball, patting it downwards so he could then pass to Di Canio. This is an offence that demands a booking, and a possible red card. Secondly, Neil Ruddock should have been sent off as he clearly crashed into Vieira after his second bookable offence and exchanged words with the fiery Frenchman. How Vieira reacted was inexcusable, and I hope the FA are tough on him, but the fact remains that Reed, Ruddock, Sinclair and the diver that is Di Canio, should all be punished. Timothy Wise

Tony at 12:43:40 Tuesday October 5 99
I think you can probably thank the Tories for that one. The present government isn't exactly bending over backwards to sort it out though is it. I think it's fucking craziness, that we are being penalised to discourage car use, when the rail service and the bus service is so fucking shit. corporate cunts

Quizmaster at 12:41:33 Tuesday October 5 99
Another thing, to those of you who live or work in London, is that Archer tit really gonna win the mayor election ? if so HOW ? The guy is an unmitigated w***er. I thought the Tory's were dead and buried.

Quizmaster at 12:39:25 Tuesday October 5 99
Quiet here today isn't it ? I was reading over the weekend that MY Sophie's oppo on breakfast news, John Nicholson, is a pillow biter !!!!!! First I heard of it, any other famous shit-pushers out there that I hadn't heard about ? I know about Overmars (allegedly, allegedly, allegedly ) but who else ??? Is there one on this page ?

Adam at 12:5:35 Tuesday October 5 99
There is blood on the hands of the Privatised Rail Companies. How can fares in this country be so high whilst the service is so bad and companies like Railtrack are making obscene profits.

FiOS at 11:14:31 Tuesday October 5 99
Yossa, I'll be there tomorrow night to see the England U'18's play at Upton Park. I heard a rumour that Cole wouldn't be available. Should still be worth it though. PS. I can confirm that last entry WASN'T VtG.

Yossa at 10:52:15 Tuesday October 5 99
Its terrible about this crash isnt it Also can anyone confirm that it is VIC who keeps asking if its safe. West Ham front Dicks is still at the club and trying to get a contract release also I hope everyones either going to go to these under 18 matches as they are basically home matches upton park and dagenham and redbridge so come on see cole carrick bywater and irkipien in action

NEWSFLASH at 10:8:35 Tuesday October 5 99
At least one commuter has been killed and up to 200 are injured following a high-speed commuter rail crash just outside Paddington in north west London.

Olw at 9:45:14 Tuesday October 5 99
I'm here - but am going back now for some decent footy chat. See yous all.

Vic the Gooner at 9:42:1 Tuesday October 5 99
Is it safe?

Trev at 9:25:27 Tuesday October 5 99
Paintballing...yeh quality!

Mahoolah in PAIN at 9:20:2 Tuesday October 5 99
Hello Ian. I'm at home, stretched out on the lounge floor. I went paintballing on sunday. I was just about to storm the hhouse where the hostage was and shoot everyone (I'd already shot 4 or 5) when someone started laying down some serious fire. So I had to peg it back to the bunker, and in the process of doing so my hamstring twanged. Its torn. Gone. I am immobile. I cannot drive cos its my clutch leg. So I sat at home all day yesterday, and did nothing> Whcih is what I'm doing today. On the subject of footie, I would like to say that I thouroghly enjoyed beating the arse, and also enjoyed listening to all the gooners moaning. Its about time one of those games went our way instead of alwayts being the victims. I especially enjoyed dicanio's celebration after the second goal, his 'overcome and bewildered with sheer emotion' antics in front of the BML were a treat. Martin Keown moaning at tht ref after the game was a laugh. Hard to believe we won such a cracker of a game. Anyway, I'm off up the docs for some strapping, as long as I can get my new patented 'broomstick' clutch working. Hold on I just had a thought - if I'm pushing the clutch with my hand, how am I going to change gear?? Bugger....

ian in Northampton at 9:5:43 Tuesday October 5 99
Where IS everyone - just waiting for someone else to post first?

Peter Hack in Dorset at 0:21:4 Tuesday October 5 99
Well, I wasn't at the game but from TV pictures,the view of Vieira's gobful of spit I saw directed in low trajectory at Neil Ruddock, I would say that Monsieur Vieira had been practising. I have never been able to spit like that. It was a narrow spurt, very little back lift and very neatly delivered. Do you suppose that, like the use of the elbow, that football heroes do go through specialist training to deliver such arrows at their opponents? I shouldn't be surprised...

Tony at 17:31:42 Monday October 4 99
'Although Patrick Vieira was severely provoked during the game'.... how about bollocks?

Tashless Vic at 17:25:3 Monday October 4 99
GOOOOOOOOONEERRRRRRRSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Vic the Gooner at 17:22:30 Monday October 4 99
Many congrats West Ham. Swap you Di Canio for Bergkamp? We'll have our revenge at Highbury though.

Vieira, feel in g sorry for myself at 16:50:58 Monday October 4 99
I'm sorry - Vieira From the Press Association Monday October 4, 1999 Arsenal midfielder Patrick Vieira has apologised for his "inexcusable behaviour" at Upton Park and for spitting at West Ham's Neil Ruddock. The French midfielder has been charged with misconduct following Arsenal's 2-1 defeat by the Hammers when he was sent off for two bookable offences. After being dismissed, Vieira returned to argue with referee Mike Reed and then was captured on television spitting at defender Ruddock. He was also involved in an incident with a police officer in the tunnel at Upton Park. Vieira said in a statement: "My behaviour after being sent off was inexcusable. Although I was subjected to provocation, I am ashamed of my action. "Spitting at a fellow professional is something I sincerely regret. It was a reaction in the heat of the moment and I apologise to everyone involved in the incident." Arsenal have said they will take internal action against the French international. A club statement read: "Although Patrick Vieira was severely provoked during the game and at the time of the incident, his response to being sent off yesterday was wrong. "Patrick's reaction was unacceptable and is something that Arsenal Football Club does not condone. The matter will be addressed by the Football Association and dealt with internally by the club."

lee at 16:37:50 Monday October 4 99
thanks Hannah i'll give you a ring tomorrow morning p.s didn't know what you were talking about with that lee tgh business

Ian in Northampton at 16:35:42 Monday October 4 99
Vic: it was safe earlier, and it's still safe - so long as you're prepared to do what I said earlier in the day....

Vic the Gooner at 16:33:4 Monday October 4 99
Is it safe?

Hannah at 16:24:22 Monday October 4 99
Lee - to be honest - i can't be sure until I get the cost of the plane confirmed - as soon as I know I will let you all know . Otherwise - if you let me have your number - i can call you as I may get the details later on tonight - call em on 01708 750722

lee at 16:7:25 Monday October 4 99
what do you estimate the 1 nighter will cost????

Hannah at 16:2:28 Monday October 4 99
Lee - ( are you otherwise known as lee tgh ?? ) I have 2 night packages at £ 419 - that includes flights from Heathrow, 2 nights at a 3* hotel ( with breakfast ) and transfers. Because the club don't know how many tickets will be allocated to west ham fans, or how much they cost the price doesn;t include a ticket. Once I know if the club will give me an allocation - the cost of the ticket will be added on to the cost. I'm still waiting to get the cost of my plane for the one night trip -and should have that all wrapped up by tonight. I shall post any details that I get straight onto here - but you all know my number at the office - so call me if you need anything !

lee at 15:54:52 Monday October 4 99
hannahh what are the prices like for the romania trip.and whats included

Anon at 15:50:15 Monday October 4 99
Hannah: of course, there may be more than one Anon....

Hannah at 15:33:33 Monday October 4 99
Anon - why do you have a problem with me - I com ein here for a laugh and can take a joke - but you seem to constantly have it in for me ?? Anyway - i'm doing flights and packages for romania - if you want anymore details, please feel free to give me a ring.

Hannah at 15:31:38 Monday October 4 99
Oi ANon - when did I claim to shag half of the team - If you actually read what I posted I said I kissed ( peck on the cheek type of kiss ) some of the players and Harry. So get your facts right Schmuck !

Anon at 15:30:52 Monday October 4 99
does anyone know of any flights for romania

Anon at 15:23:31 Monday October 4 99
Hannah, you claim to have shagged half the West ham team team while away. Then you suspect Rob of two-timing you?

Hannah at 15:23:3 Monday October 4 99
Its a bit quiet in here today. Where is everybody ?

Hannah at 15:16:46 Monday October 4 99
robert my love - did you see me on the telly ?? I missed you immensely and thought of you whilst i was away. Did you miss me too my love ??

Adam at 15:11:34 Monday October 4 99
Rob were you singing along with the Vieira song yesterday?

Rob at 15:9:50 Monday October 4 99
Adam, bang on.

Adam at 15:7:38 Monday October 4 99
"Vieira you're a C*nt"

Rob at 15:7:28 Monday October 4 99
Hannah, no chance.

Rob at 15:7:11 Monday October 4 99
I'm alive, but went out for lunch so will not be back on here until tomorrow. Take care people.

Hannah at 15:5:52 Monday October 4 99
Has anyone seen my husband to be - Doddy ?? I haven't spoken to him for a few days and want to make sure that he isn't two - timing me !!

Anonce at 14:55:58 Monday October 4 99
Dear Alfies My dick looks like a banana. I want to shag my bird but I afraid she will laugh and leave me when she sees the shape of my John Thomas. When I have a stiffy it slants to the left like a banana. What can I do?

Jam Stop at 14:41:23 Monday October 4 99
Ian: you're lucky mate. My top lip is as hairless as my cranium. I tried to grow a menacing Stimac-like goatee but it just came out threadbare and ginger. A shame really.

Ian in Northampton at 14:17:34 Monday October 4 99
Jip Stum: well, at college, it was an Antonio Banderas style tache - droopy down the sides. Now, it's the other bits of me that are droopy and my 'tache just kinda lies there on my top lip - I'm not sure it has a role model.

Jap Stom at 13:54:0 Monday October 4 99
Ian, do you have a Jason King type tash, or a more subtle Gable-like effort? Maybe even an imposing Baron Munchausen-esque flourish.

Hannah at 13:35:44 Monday October 4 99
Hello Chad !! Did you have a good trip ??

Ian in Northampton at 13:32:2 Monday October 4 99
Anon: naughty, naughty....

Anon at 13:30:7 Monday October 4 99
Can you smell fish?

Ian in Northampton at 13:29:2 Monday October 4 99
Japp (or is it Jaap?): I sense a kind of fundamental logic underpinning your question. All cows have four legs. All tables have four legs. Ipso facto, all cows are tables. No, I am neither the Vic the Goner nor Vic the Gooner. Even if we do share the same facial embellishments. Vic, of course, is in denial on his - but I'm tashed and I'm proud....

Japp Stam at 13:25:57 Monday October 4 99
Ian, you have to be able to spell with a name like mine and as you have a tash are you sure you ain't Vic the Goner?

Hannah at 13:14:55 Monday October 4 99
Hello my lovelies - I'm back from Croatia and had a bloody blinder !! I thought of you all and had a fucking good sing -song !! Classic moment of the trip - as we arrived at our hotel the team were waiting outside for their bus to take them to the stadium - I kissed PDC, Trev, Pwanchope,Razor and had my piccie took kissing H !!!! I'm on the case for the Romania trip - will post details on here later this afternoon. PS what a blinder against the arsenel yesterday I LOVE YOU HAMMERS

Football 365 at 13:7:58 Monday October 4 99
'Hail Beckham, The Most Powerful Figure In English Football' WHAT a brilliant week for David Beckham. And, as a kind of sideshow, an excellent one for footy fans too… Yes, David Beckham, even though he almost certainly doesn’t know it, has advanced his plan for global domination while we, the poor bloody infantry who only watch the game, have been treated to a stunning illumination of just where the power lies in the modern game. Ok, let’s deal with the power thing first. Anybody above the age of 14 months knows that David Beckham has had a, how shall we say, turbulent start to the season. It’s not just that he has been booked more times that Engelbert Humperdinck in Las Vegas, but he’s also been seen screwing his face up like Violet Elizabeth Bott from Just William and kicking seventeen shades of shinola out of, among others, Jamie Redknapp and Herr Thatbloke of Sturm Graz. But the recent efforts of Graham Bean, the FA’s Compliance Officer (whatever the hell that is) to get to speak to Mr Posh about his behaviour have been nothing short of laughable. Not even the intervention of David ‘look I’m still in charge, me’ Davies has made a jot of difference to Man United’s attitude. Without actually baring their arse to the FA, the European Champions have pretty well told them to sod off. David Beckham is, after all, their property, and they won’t have him messed about by a collection of unrepresentative amateurs. Good for them in this case, but be aware that this is the thin end of the wedge. How long will it be before United, or any other big club for that matter, refuse to accept the FA’s ruling on any matter? And what are the FA going to do about it? Throw them out of the Premiership? Oh yeah, sure… So we know that Manchester United pretty much run English football now. Cool. But who runs Man United? The sight this week of Sir Alex Ferguson attempting to reign in the excesses, both physical and sartorial, of his young England star has been as comic as that of watching the FA dance from foot to foot like a schoolboy about to piss himself outside the closed gates of Old Trafford. Alex Ferguson can fine David Beckham £50,000 but it doesn’t matter a fig to Becks. Let’s get this straight: Beckham is nowadays surrounded by an army of media savvy PR literate advisers, not least of them his own wife. When he goes to a jewellery launch wearing a £75 snot-rag on his head, it is not because he is interested in cameo brooches or avant-garde headwear. He goes because he has been told to go, he goes because his PR advisors know that, dressed like a refugee from a church hall production of The Pirates Of Penzance, he will be photographed and that that picture will be in all the papers. Furthermore, that picture will be in next year’s coffee table best seller ‘Becks: My Life In Pictures’. And the memory of that will be one of many carefully orchestrated triggers that will remind the adoring millions why to shell out for the glossy tome. Here are the economics: 1) David photographed looking like a prat puts on, lets say, 100,000 sales of aforementioned photo annual at, say, £15 a throw. Bingo! One-and-a-half million of your English straight off. 2) Alex Ferguson fines Captain Pugwash fifty grand. 3) As a result of 2), picture is printed in papers again. Another 100,000 readers, another one-and-a-half million in the Becksy bin. 4) Total profits to David Beckham £2,950,000. Kerching! And more to the point, would you like another Ferrari with your toast dear? In any event, Alex Ferguson, for all his public bravado, will actually have asked David Beckham for the £50,000 fine from a kneeling position; probably while polishing Beckham’s boots as well. Everybody knows that there are powerful voices within the immediate entourage of David Beckham plc who want him to play in London. Not Barcelona, not Milan, not smoggy old Turin, but London. So, even while Fergie is sheepishly laying down the law to his most prized possession, somewhere in the bowels of Highbury, Arsene Wenger crosses another date off the specially prepared calendar that he keeps in his office, counting down the days until his plum falls, weirdly dressed, into his lap. Yes, a great week for David Beckham and for us. He is nearly £3million up on the deal and we now understand better the pecking order in English football. The FA quiver and quake at the very shadow of Manchester United. But that David Beckham, he fears no man...

BMU at 13:2:53 Monday October 4 99
HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY HARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMHARRY REDKNAPPS CLARET AND BLUE ARMY Y

Ian in Northampton at 12:56:36 Monday October 4 99
Jaap: since you ask.... I have been likened to Sean Connery, but that's probably just because I'm balding and have a moustache. And I now discover that not only are you incredibly, outrageously, phenomenally ugly - you're totally illiterate as well. But then, on that kind of money, why would you care?

Jaap Stam at 12:51:44 Monday October 4 99
Ian: and your Mr Fucking Handsome are you?

Quizmaster at 12:50:35 Monday October 4 99
Sorry about the incorrect address for Anna whatshername, this should do it http://users.telekabel.nl/hakvoort/index2.htm

Ian in Northampton at 12:48:47 Monday October 4 99
Q: not sure what he said, but Wise certainly grabbed Butt's balls. If I'd have been Wise, I'd have said something like "You're an ugly little wanker, aren't you - in fact, your lack of pulchritudinousness is matched only by that of Paul Scholes or either of the Neville brothers or Jaap Stam." Personally, I thought Wise's challenge was only worth a yellow.

Ian in Northampton at 12:46:16 Monday October 4 99
Mahoolah: are you there? Tonight, 10:00pm, BBC2: "People Like Us".

Quizmaster at 12:44:18 Monday October 4 99
Anyone know what Dennis Wise said to Nicky Butt yesterday to wind him up so quickly ? Wise should have been sent off too, his "challenge" on Butt was like something out of Enter the Dragon.

Ian in Northampton at 12:43:45 Monday October 4 99
Where is the mass rejoicing I was expecting today? Fabulous win over the Gooners, Spurs lost at home, Man United got thrashed (and despite our feelings about Chelsea, I'd even support Spurs against Manchester United) and Bish got both Man City's goals. Oh, and just for me, Oxford United won and so did Rushden & Diamonds. GREAT weekend, spoiled only by the blatant Arsenal bias I've een everywhere and the fact that the Viera incident clouded coverage of one of our finer hours. Couldn't get the Times today, ended up with the Grauniad - couldn't BELIEVE their write up. It seems that the ref missed an 'obvious' handball by Sincs leading up to our first goal, and that the Bergkamp goal was disallowed for a 'debatable' offside decision. F**cking Grauniad. And then I'd have rather MotD spent more time purring over our performance than wittering on about that sad sack of shit Viera. By the way, those of you who get there regularly: according to Chris's report on Olw's, Wanchope is a figure of hate for the UP crowd. Is it true? Seems a shame if it is: from what I could make out on MotD, he wasn't great - far from it - but as Chrsi pointed out, he was 'inavertently' responsible for both goals (i.e. being there when it counts is half the battle, even if you're only making a nuisance of yourself). I have to say, I tend to side with those who'd rather see a diCanio/Kiston pairing - I've always liked Kitson, and playing Wanchope and di Canio together seems to be playing two of the same kind of players. Oh. and last: I was listening to John Peel on R4 on Saturday, and he was saying that someone had asked him to define the difference bwteen heaven and hell. "Heaven," he said, "is the Liverpool team on paper. Hell is the Liverpool team on the field." Which I thought was quite amusing. Oh, and very last of all: the piece from the Arse site talks about Wanchope scoring the first goal. Thus, credibility = 0.

Tony at 12:30:2 Monday October 4 99
That Arsenal view point is the biggest pile of shit I've ever seen. How can someone be so biased! Mocur probably was fairly lucky not to go, but how the hell did Keown stay on the pitch in that case and Silvinho for his constant diving and Bergkamp for whinging all the time.. The ref was poor for sure, but I thought both players who got sent off probably deserved to go, and Vieira should have got another red for gobbing at Ruddock. Fucking gooners.

From Arse site at 10:56:24 Monday October 4 99
West Ham 2 Arsenal 1 I thought that West Ham were magnificent, seeing as they only had twelve players. Mind you, the twelfth man was wearing a different coloured shirt to his team mates and for some reason he kept blowing a whistle and waving yellow and red pieces of paper in the direction of the Arsenal players. But he was an accommodating sort; he smiled sweetly on Lomas and Moncur as they kicked, elbowed and tore at Arsenal shirts in the first half. Then he laughingly admonished Dennis Bergkamp for scoring an offside goal in the second half and then he generously offered Patrick Vieira the chance to cleanse himself early in the team bath before the water got too cloudy and the word ‘Lifebuoy’ was worn off the soap. Then he saw the great joke when Mr Ruddock attacked Mr Vieira after the sending off and blithely ignored Mr Paulo elbowing Mr Keown in the face. This was a 24 carat stitch up. I’ll lay odds that West Ham won’t score two goal against the Arsenal in the next ten years. Any red carding odds you want. I’ll give ‘em. West Ham must be the luckiest so-and-so’s outside of Chelsea (score after 28 seconds, play 10 men for the bulk of the game and have Berg score you an own goal.) This game was a travesty. The only problem was, that Arsenal, haven’t found their groove yet. Quite frankly we haven’t looked like smacking anyone severely yet this season. If Arsene’s great striker rotation plan is looking a bit thin, then his great defender rotation plan is looking positively anorexic. His removal of Luzhny for Overmars (!) was bordering on ‘bloke who has brain tumour’ behaviour. Grimandi filled in as right back and the entire midfield consisted of Patrick Vieira and another bloke from Senegal who quite spookily was also called Patrick Vieira. It was a complete mess. West Ham’s first goal was a stupid bit of cretinous pinball that fooled everybody including the returning Seaman and allowed the then up to that point invisible Wanchope to bundle the ball over the line. Their second goal was just the by-product of taking off half of the defence and allowing West Ham free reign on the left. Arsenal clawed one back with Suker pouncing on a daft misplaced Lomas clearance and stroking it over the line. Bergkamp went close and had a perfectly good chip over Hislop disallowed and generally Arsenal wandered around trying to do this and that and being told by the referee that this was a claret and blue day so they might as well go home early. Terrible afternoon and a benchmark for shite refereeing. If it makes you feel any better this is West Ham’s high point of the season, but it’s hard to tell at the moment when exactly the Arsenal’s will be. Man of the Match: Silvinho. Fitting in well.

MOON MONKEY in OUT SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT at 10:55:34 Monday October 4 99
DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANY FLIGHT DETAILS FOR ROMANIA

Ian in Northampton at 10:33:0 Monday October 4 99
Vic, WELCOME!! is there anything you'd like to share with us? Like your acknowledgement of the superiority of the Hammers, the justice of Viera's sending off, your condemantion of Viera's behaviour, the wonderfulness of Paolo di Canio and your recognition that the Hammers stand more chance of winning the league this year than the cheating, diving, dirty, whinging collection of Johnny Foreigners currently playing at Highbury?

Vic the Gooner at 10:25:33 Monday October 4 99
Is it safe?

FiOS at 10:12:37 Monday October 4 99
Fantastic result. Di Canio was tremendous. The man gives 110% every time. What a superb second goal. It was great to see his commitment and determination to see West Ham succeed spill over into a celebratory passion at full time too. MotD seem to give the impression that perhaps Arsenal had more of the play. But its goals that count and Harry was right to point out that the same had happened to us at Coventry a few weeks back. Come on you Irons. Catchyall Later. Btw: Vics in today. In a suprisingly good mood despite the result. Is it safe?

Yossa at 10:4:6 Monday October 4 99
Come on Vic cos its safe today we want your rambling defense of arsenal

Adam at 9:58:46 Monday October 4 99
What a match, Arsenal proved themselves to be the dirtiest team seen in England since Leeds of the 70's. Wenger should be charged with bringing the game into disrepute, as he has done nothing to stop their appalling disciplinary problems. The difference this season we played just as physical as them and we also had the games outstanding player, Paolo Di Canio. How Wenger can call him a cheat, when Silvinho dived 3 times to get a foul and every time the ref waved play on, is beyond me.

Olw at 9:18:38 Monday October 4 99
Chances of Trev and FLJ playing on Sunday anyone? Good thing about the 2 week lay off is that it'll give us the chance to get our walking wounded fit again.

Kristian, laugh in g out loud ..... at 8:54:50 Monday October 4 99
Wonderful, bloody wonderful. Saw Di Canios (and Sinclairs) magic this morning on the telly. And Vieras sad behavior too...looked like Razor had him going....heh. I know most of you don`t rate him, but when the shit starts to fly he`s not a bad guy to have around. Strange that Harry put Margas on the bench, in light of Margas` performances earlier. but it seemed to work? Is Harry becoming as shrewd on tactics as transfer dealings? Stimac, Ruddock and Potts, not exactly what I`d expect to do the job against the Arse.....oh jubilation. (didn`t hurt that Vaalerenga moved out of the relegation spot either...heheh) Hope you guys have a welldeserved headache after yesterdays celebrations...:-))

Olw in 100 acre wood at 8:51:21 Monday October 4 99
Eeyore, if you were talking about me down below then please refer to the first entry of your birthday when I wished you a good one. Cheers.

Yossa at 8:35:51 Monday October 4 99
Best part of yesterday game I think was Foe's reaction he knew he done wrong no crying about just left the pitch with a smile also mr blooby better watch himself i sure the fa will speak to him about his performance

Tony at 7:48:33 Monday October 4 99
Was Di Canio the mutts nuts yesterday or what? How out of order was Keown flinging himself to floor pretending Kitson had punched him, cheating ugly fuckwit.

BISON in DRUMMONDS SECURITY at 7:27:42 Monday October 4 99
WE'RE EVEN BETTER THAN BARCA! WE'RE EVEN BETTER THAN BARCA!

Nick at 5:47:21 Monday October 4 99
Vic the Gooner - It's safe!!!

Dazza at 20:33:32 Saturday October 2 99
Sorry chaps prediction legaue has taken a break for this week, normal service resumes nxt week

Mahoolah's Sister in Northampton at 16:43:13 Saturday October 2 99
Hello. I'm Mahoolah's sister. I think Frank Lampard is Lush. And Ruddock is a fat blobby bastard. Coooooooomeeee ooooonnn yoooooouuu IIIIIIIronsssssssss

Nothing North of Watford at 11:40:45 Saturday October 2 99
http://users2.50megs.com/league/

NICK at 0:35:34 Saturday October 2 99
Quizmaster, Give us the right URL for it.

Quizmaster at 17:15:20 Friday October 1 99
Did anyone look at the Anna Kournakova page ?

Paolo at 16:46:40 Friday October 1 99
England's Frankie Lampard!!! Excellent news. Fingers (and everything else) crossed for Sunday - we don't have to win, but let's at least get a draw - and a goal would be nice. Goodnight.

Adam at 16:38:32 Friday October 1 99
Come on You Irons lets beat those dirty filthy bunch of foreign Gooners.

Pensive chicken at 16:15:9 Friday October 1 99
Is that Robert Dodd around ?

Mike the Hammer go in g at 16:6:14 Friday October 1 99
Speak to you in a fortnight gang.Until then COME ON U IRONS!

Godfrey of Highbury at 15:53:6 Friday October 1 99
I was actually not really into football then, but I like it now and i have season ticket at Highbury with my mother and father.

Jim at 15:46:9 Friday October 1 99
Godfrey of Highbury's a dickhead. Doesn't even know that Michael Thomas and NOT Rocastle scored that goal. Then, what else do you expect from a gooner who's only been a glory hunter for 2 years? Who did you support before, Godfrey?

Mike the Hammer at 15:41:19 Friday October 1 99
Sinclair & Lampard in England squad,but no Rio.Dyer,Wise & Ince also in ( Dyer injured/Rio not.....) last 15 mins!

me at 15:26:8 Friday October 1 99
does anyone know about flights for romania yet

Godfrey of Highbury at 15:23:6 Friday October 1 99
What have you ever won West Ham. I remember when David Rocastle scored that goal that beat Liverpool to win us the league.

A monkey at 15:19:31 Friday October 1 99
OOhhh Oh oh oh oh oh o hoh ohohoho I love bananas and Robert dodd.

Godfrey of Highbury at 15:18:10 Friday October 1 99
As a loyal Arsenal fan of 2 years, i would just like to CHAMPIONS!!!

Borghal Rantipole at 15:16:29 Friday October 1 99
Too many cooks gather no moss

Mike the Hammer at 15:13:17 Friday October 1 99
A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.

Mike the Hammer at 15:11:33 Friday October 1 99
I shall avert my eyes then

Borghal Rantipole at 15:8:58 Friday October 1 99
Mike, a watched pot spoils the broth

Mike the Hammer agree in g with TH,on doubt about th at 15:7:39 Friday October 1 99
1 hour to go.........

A horse at 15:5:46 Friday October 1 99
NNeeeigghh that robert dodd makes me get my big bendy cock and piss every where.

A Girl at 15:1:30 Friday October 1 99
whooah, that Robert Dodd is sexy, he has got such a nice body, I'd love to see him naked.

Borghal Rantipole at 14:53:48 Friday October 1 99
Talk about hitting the nail on the head...

Tottenham Hater at 14:52:15 Friday October 1 99
I just want to say to everyone how much I hate Tottenham. They really are a useless piece of shit. Why dont they close the ground down and turn it into something useful. They used to be an entertaining team but George Graham has stifled the life out of them. They cling to the belief that they are a big club but theyre exactly the same as us now, they cant sign anyone decent, just cast offs. The difference is we have a good manager, who is also a good bloke. Look who they have got, talk about selling your soul to the devil. They win a shitty little cup and go mental like its The World Cup, they really are shit.

Borghal Rantipole at 14:27:34 Friday October 1 99
Are you sure??? And for a while I thought the name was unique. Its time for a change I think.

Yossa at 14:21:27 Friday October 1 99
I am starting to have a few doubts about Mahoolah I got home early last night to be confronted by a 70yr old lady wrestler on sky sport1 called the fablous Mahoolah is this your gran Mahoolah

Adam at 14:7:12 Friday October 1 99
Its alright boys i did a search on his IP address and it came up with this glenn@rmplc.co.uk hardly a Bucharest fan

Mahoolah at 14:6:29 Friday October 1 99
Lee, sod off and draw 0-0 against someone in that way that only george graham team can hope for

TIW at 14:3:43 Friday October 1 99
Probably composed by one of them aswell !

Jaques Brel at 14:3:22 Friday October 1 99
'Ello, my friends, Its Jaques ere to 'av a leetle chat to you on zis friday afternoon. You know over 'ere in Belgium, we 'av verrry similar tasts to yeu interms of music and le foot. Pour l'example, you 'av a famous french footbal team for ze nam of a band in St. etienne.....Well, over ere in le Belgiuque we 'av a famous no 1 band called 'Aston Villa'. Zis is ze truth you know my friends, would I lie to you? It may not sound as glamourous to yeu, but eet it ze 'ight of sophistication for ze belgiun musicians to associate zemselves wiz ze West Midlands. Anyroads, I must be off now az I am due to perform my favoriteet songs to a leetle audience at ze antwerp social club. See you again next weekl for more footie and museek related chat. Au revoir! "Ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas........"

lee of thfc at 14:2:7 Friday October 1 99
neither - saw it originally posted on our site by one of these two

TIw at 14:1:22 Friday October 1 99
So, who are you lee, WHL Yid or DIFspurs ?

lee of thfc in stitches at 13:58:23 Friday October 1 99
this is on your offical message board - from a romanian geezer - I laughed... West Ham? ORIGINAL MESSAGE I am told we are drawn against team from London England. I am thinking, Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham, but then I am told we are to play West Ham. I have to go to search engine with 'West Ham' to see about them as I am never heard of this team. I think you will be supporters of this team? Is it possible for you to replying to my mesage in order to be telling me of your team? Good players? (Any famous who we are hearing of) How are you comparing to better teams in England, I hear of Manchester United Arsanal Chelsee Liverpool Totinham Evertons Is west ham in the same league as this teams? I am thinking we have easy game. FC Steaua Bucurest expecting hard game but draw has been kind to us. Please tell me of how good you play as I think we may be playing our second team with you, as we have in last round.

Adam at 13:57:33 Friday October 1 99
and also where is the lovely Robert Dodd today?

Paolo at 13:56:56 Friday October 1 99
Do I detect the beginnings of a Friday afternoon on Alf's?! Mahoo, old chum, I wasn't insinuating, I was implying! Are you denying? I thought not. MtH - very nice, I was down there for the eclipse, lovely part of the country - but you've picked a crap week weather wise in the south-west (just have to spend all your time in pubs!).

Mahoolah at 13:54:48 Friday October 1 99
Siggy Jonson? Who mentioned Siggie Jonson? I thought it was Sigmund Freud we were on about.

Mahoolah at 13:54:11 Friday October 1 99
OKAY CRAIG ME OLD MUCKER

Adam at 13:54:7 Friday October 1 99
Who is Siggy Jonson? I still dont get it.

CRAIG in WRAYSBURY at 13:41:43 Friday October 1 99
ANYONE LOOKED AT FLIGHTS TO BUCHAREST YET, IF SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

Alvin Kallicharan at 13:29:22 Friday October 1 99
Don't insinuate my friend Mahoolah, he helped me get back on teh rails when my wife left and I started drinking. And he leant me his mower once.

Mahoolah at 13:28:11 Friday October 1 99
Paolo old chum, are you insinuating anything?

Mike the Hammer at 13:26:42 Friday October 1 99
Q,I'm off to Brixham in Devon on Sat. for 1 week,then a week at home.

Quizmaster in contortions trying to sneak a look at the Anna site without Eneneezer seeing at 13:22:53 Friday October 1 99
http:.//users.telekabel.nl/hakvoort/index2.htm if you like anna kournikova, there's one beautiful topless one and links to other sites where she's in the nuddy.

BISON at 13:18:21 Friday October 1 99
IT AINT ME !!!!

Paolo at 13:18:2 Friday October 1 99
I think he was a few others before he settled down to being Siggy - but then I think he's not the only one who's been a few other people of late, is he?!!

Mahoolah at 13:15:27 Friday October 1 99
I thought so. But he threw me off the trail by talking about breakfast TV.....Clever, very clever......Almost too clever.......hahahahhahahha

Paolo at 13:9:52 Friday October 1 99
Mahoo - he knew all about Sigmund Freud, he uses long words, he regards himnself as 'an intellectual'..........who is the one person from Olw's who wouldn't come on here under his own name or a familiar moniker?

Mahoolah at 13:5:16 Friday October 1 99
Who is siggy then Paolo? I don't have the foggiest....

Daz(bnila) at 12:59:28 Friday October 1 99
See I predicted the right scoreline again last night, unfrtunately I couldnt be arsed goin' to the bookies, he's a lucky sod. Apart from that it was a shite game which in Euro terms apparently means "proffesional", Foe looked like he'd been tranqualised before the kick off and rumours are he was put to sleep after the game, Lomas was the only one who huffed n' puffed and Igor looked quality...Ill now begin my pagan rituals and rain dance and voodoo prayers to see if we can overcome the curse that is the Arse....surely they cant turn us over again?....OK...teah they can....bugger.

Paolo - bored and rapidly runn in g out of lunch hour! at 12:58:1 Friday October 1 99
Q - when are you going to reveal your true identity? Now we've got Siggy sussed you are the only inigma.

Paolo at 12:56:4 Friday October 1 99
Niki - what have you done to Alf? I run Alf's in as small a window as I can these days to make it as unobvious as possible, and I used to be able to pull the r/h border in until Alf disappeared but there was still enough room to read the text - but now, no matter how much I shrink the window Alf is still there!!

qUIZMASTER at 12:53:52 Friday October 1 99
wHERE ARE YOU GOING ON HOLS mIKE ?

Mike the Hammer at 12:52:48 Friday October 1 99
3 hours til hols.......

Paolo at 12:49:42 Friday October 1 99
Teamfibs: Arsenal hope to complete the six and a half million signing of Croatian midfielder Jurica Vranjes later on Friday. Vranjes, rated as one of Croatia's brightest young talents, was the Osijek captain in their 3-1 UEFA Cup first round, second leg defeat by West Ham. Vranjes said: "I understand that the President of Osijek has spoken to Arsenal. I am told that Arsenal have made a firm offer to Osijek. There are still conditions to be agreed, but the fee is £6.5m. The one stumbling block for the Gunners is that they may find it difficult obtaining a work permit for the highly-rated star. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rob at 12:47:2 Friday October 1 99
Yeah, only this time it'll only be 3-0!!!!

Steaua Bucharest at 12:46:27 Friday October 1 99
http://venus.beseen.com/chat/rooms/b/2747/

Paolo - sitt in g down at 12:44:38 Friday October 1 99
My God - have you looked at the fixture list? 17/10 Boro away, 21/10 Steaua Bucharest away, 24/10 Sunderland home, 27/10 Liverpool away, 30/10 Leeds away, 4/11 Steaua Bucharest home, 7/11 Chelsea away - 7 games in 21 days!!!!! By the time we get to the blessed relief of the Weds home game we'll be so fucking knackered that they'll walk all over us!

Paolo at 12:22:58 Friday October 1 99
We've avoided Juventus and we're away first leg? Pinch me someone!

Thursday, 4th November 1999 at 12:15:55 Friday October 1 99
I've just... come.

Nick at 12:1:53 Friday October 1 99
Adam-Thanks

Adam at 11:59:54 Friday October 1 99
8 third place teams from the Chapions League enter the next round, so Chelsea and Arsenal will be there

Nick at 11:58:34 Friday October 1 99
How do they get from the 48 clubs that are in now down to the final 2, and who do we play when we get there?

Adam at 11:54:37 Friday October 1 99
We'll go out to Bucharest and get a credible 1-1, they will come to Upton Park and be shocked by the red hot atmosphere and we'll do em 3-0. Meanwhile Spurs will be on the end of a tonking in Germany as Kaiserslautern rattle in 5. Mark my words.

Yossa at 11:52:41 Friday October 1 99
As we are the only english club away in the first leg perhaps there will be a bidding war between 5 and bbc and hopefully this money will go toward the team

Mahoolah at 11:51:27 Friday October 1 99
Oh the official page.....I'm so used to that being 2 days old, I never thought to check there!

Griff at 11:49:23 Friday October 1 99
Mahoolah - http://www.uefa.com/UEFACup/index_frame.asp?Filename=/NewsData/UEFACup/Live/draw.html

Yossa at 11:49:20 Friday October 1 99
The hammers east european tour continues heh I can see channel 5 picking us up again as BBC will go for Leeds which is part of the reason they've been cumming in their pants about them

Mike the Hammer at 11:47:3 Friday October 1 99
www.uefa.com has the draw details.

FiOS at 11:45:51 Friday October 1 99
Its on the official West Ham page. Well thats where I saw it first.

Mahoolah at 11:44:27 Friday October 1 99
As no-one will tell me where all this news is coming from, can some-one post up th edraw please?

Tony in Romford at 11:32:31 Friday October 1 99
Come on you Kaiserslauten

Steve at 11:29:41 Friday October 1 99
Are we playing Steaua Bucharest or something?

Tony in Romford at 11:18:49 Friday October 1 99
Steaua Bucharest Home leg 21st Oct away 4th Nov LETS HAVE IT!!!

Mike the Hammer at 11:11:58 Friday October 1 99
Steuea Bucharest,away in first leg.

Griff at 11:11:46 Friday October 1 99
Steaua Bucuresti it is then

Mahoolah at 11:2:32 Friday October 1 99
Odd thing form the UEFA squad list : Wanchopes name is listed as : Paulo Cesar WANCHOPE WATSON - WATSON????? EH?????? Perhaps he's from canning town and his names Paul Watson, he's just a good liar.

Rob at 11:1:5 Friday October 1 99
I've always lied that Ruddock fella. Honest.

Mahoolah at 10:58:26 Friday October 1 99
Mike, what syour source?

Mike the Hammer at 10:43:9 Friday October 1 99
It goes on recent Euro experience as well.Hence us being unseeded,and nukeusall are.

Mahoolah at 10:36:33 Friday October 1 99
Hold on, that dosent look like four seeded and four unseeded clubs to me....

News, cried the rabbit, News at 10:34:31 Friday October 1 99
Struggling First Division outfit Walsall have moved to sign West Ham striker Samassi Abou on a month's loan. Abou goes straight into the side to face Stockport County on Saturday and Saddlers boss Ray Graydon will be hoping that the former Cannes hitman to aid their goal-shy attack. Abou, who is well down the pecking order at Upton Park, is not thought to want to make the switch permanent, but will use the loan spell to sharpen his game and put himself in the shop window. Abou almost joined Bradford last season for £900,000 but the deal fell through after fears over the player's health.

Mahoolah at 10:33:5 Friday October 1 99
Mike : Where you getting your news from....I can't find fuck all on the uefa site...

Mike the Hammer at 10:23:14 Friday October 1 99
We've got JUVENTUS/Deportivo la Coruna/AEK Athens/Steua Bucharest as the teams we can be drawn against!

Mike the Hammer at 10:11:40 Friday October 1 99
UEFA Cup Second Round Draw details The UEFA Cup Second Round Draw takes place at the Hotel Intercontinental on Friday 01 October 1999 at 12.00CET. Forty-eight clubs are involved in the draw, but prior to the draw these clubs will be divided into six geographical groups, each comprising eight clubs. Each geographical group will comprise four seeded, and four unseeded clubs. UEFA Internet will post the groups as soon as the information is available prior to the draw. The draw proper will be covered LIVE on www.uefa.com.

Adam at 10:10:24 Friday October 1 99
The draw is at 11am our time, isnt it?

Mahoolah at 10:9:41 Friday October 1 99
I agree that KLitson should be given his chance. The goal last night was identical to the very minute scored as the one against Jokerit in that first game (how long ago does that feel, remember being disappointed thinking we were crap?), as just show that a bit of old fashioned positional play and finishing doesn't go amiss. But your assertion that Wanchope was 'crap' I think is a little strong. 99% failure rate is a littel exagerrated too. I mean, how come the two paolos got the press on their side after being called 'Clowns'. It wasn't by wasting 99% of their possesion, it was by solid performances. But again, I agree, Kitson really must be in the starting line up now. An can I say again that foe looks good recently?

Mike the Hammer at 10:8:20 Friday October 1 99
I'd go for 1:30pm. 6 hours to go until holiday....

Paolo at 9:59:18 Friday October 1 99
Anyone know when the draw is today?

Paolo at 9:58:28 Friday October 1 99
M - Wanchope just gets on my tits, he always has to do the 'clever' stuff, but, unlike DiCanio, where it usually leads to something, he just fucks up 99% of the time. Anyway clever stuff with DiC is part of his game, but with Wanchope it's just showing off. Give Kitson a go, he's usually good for a goal a game, and he's a goal poacher, the only WHU player who stays up and waits his chance. From what I saw in the Intertoto him and DiC worked well together - imagine a attack/midfield of Kitson, DiCanio, Sinclair, Lampard and Foe - a game or two to settle down and then some of the best football ever seen....

"Fortunately for Spurs" at 9:56:2 Friday October 1 99
The difference is that where Arsenal had Ian Wright to provide a killer instinct, this Graham side has no natural scorers. Chris Armstrong, the lone attacker, laboured without ever convincing, his lack of self-belief becoming increasingly clear. Even though Spurs had five across the middle, including Stephen Clemence in his first start of the season, they lacked real width, with both Steffen Iversen and Oyvind Leonhardsen tracking inside as their first movement. Fortunately for Spurs, Zimbru were woeful and never much of a threat, with stand-in skipper Chris Perry and Luke Young unextended.

Mahoolah at 9:47:33 Friday October 1 99
I have to take issue Paolo, I didn't think Wanchope was crap; in fact apart from DiCanio he wqas the only one who wanted to beat a man all night, and create something. He ended up trying to beat 5 men though, but he wasn't crap. He did okay. Newton wasn't played oput of position he is a rightsided wing back. Anyone know when the draw is today?? And who do we want ? Top Italian side to beat or the tottering ones from shite hart lane?

Paolo at 9:40:28 Friday October 1 99
Prediction for today - Hannah will return, Alf's will go tits up again.

Paolo at 9:38:30 Friday October 1 99
I'm with FiOS on that, it was a crappy game. Despite the goal I thought Ruddock was crap (so what's new?), and Wanchope IS crap. Thought Newton looked OK, he was playing out of position (?) and it was his first big game, so he did OK - potential for the future there I think. Lomas definitely MOTM, Lampard played well, although he seemed to go missing at times, Foe was OK (and gets 10/10 for enjoying scoring - cheered me up no end!). Nice to see Kits playing/scoring again - HARRY PLAY HIM INSTEAD OF WANCHOPE SUNDAY, PLEASE!!! Rio looked a bit rusty, hope he improves for Sunday, otherwise we are going to get stuffed. Can't remember much else about the game, mostly it felt like a rather pointless friendly - Sunday is going to be a different kettle of fish altogether.

Yossa at 9:37:11 Friday October 1 99
FiOS next time you see vic tell him it isnt safe will ya

FiOS at 9:27:55 Friday October 1 99
Crappy game. Great result. MotM: Steve Lomas. Di Canio seems to improve with every game. Hislop is just superb. catchya later. been a bit busy lately. Vic isn't here so today so I'll say it for him 'Is it safe?'. Terrar. UP THE HAMMERS!

Steve at 9:14:58 Friday October 1 99
Well? Did she?

Mahoolah at 8:57:33 Friday October 1 99
It was odd seeing ruddock score....his effect was immediate in defense.....Foe looked good, showed a good turn of pace. Commentaters WERE awful. Consitently wrong about everyhting. And how many times did they want to tell us we'd qualified throughthe intertoto cup? How many times are they goig to trot out the phrase 'Much Maligned'. Anyway, Good to see lampard had an pokay game. Shame Newton didn't stamp his mark at rwb. He had a couple of good runs, but seemed to be a bit to eager to play the incisive ball or beat the man straight away. And Hislops distribution was awful. Mind you, the time we looked at our best possesion wise was when they closed us down a bit quicker after they'd scored. It mean that we could ping it about and find some space. If only they'd done that from the start.....

Ruddock in bliss at 8:49:38 Friday October 1 99
I scored :-P

Yossa at 8:28:39 Friday October 1 99
Nice win nice to see kitson back alvin had a wank after the game

MIke the Hammer in victorious mood at 7:16:49 Friday October 1 99
OH YES.Well done boys.Shaky start,but came through very well.Lomas MOTM.Was it coincidence that they scored and had another chance within 10 mins of Ruddock coming on? Good to see Kitson scoring on his return,and Rio playing well after a slightly shaky start.At least when he cocked up the player was wide,as opposed to down the middle! Right,the commentators - Gary Bloom and Ray Clemence.How f*cking useless were they? They got more excited when Osijek were going forward! When Foe hit the post,it might as well have been a 10 yard pass to a team mate,as it hardly got a mention.They didn't mention Minto in the injured list,forgot we drew in Jokerit,thought that Newton was at Bournemouth,even after previously saying he was at Pompey ( and Bloom was a Pompey fan ),and then said that Osijek had won at the final whistle,though changed it to us fairly quickly.W@nkers. Anyone see hannah?

FiOS at 17:44:20 Thursday September 30 99
Hi all. Long time no see and all that. Just a quick one to wish the claret and blue lads in Croatia the best of luck tonight. COME ON YOU IRONS!!! Terrar!

Niki at 17:22:33 Thursday September 30 99
Doddy, leaving now. See ya in the rubbadub!! COME ON YOU IRONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Siggy at 17:15:28 Thursday September 30 99
2-1 to them tonight. That should keep everyone out there happy. Potts will get ours...

Rob at 17:12:57 Thursday September 30 99
Dazza, only joking mte. Top quality News stories by the way.

Rob at 17:11:46 Thursday September 30 99
Me.

Rob at 17:11:35 Thursday September 30 99
What did I say about Paddies Day then? Dazza, we miss you like West Ham miss Mr McKnight. Ahem. Paolo, I take anyone dying seriously.

Siggy at 17:8:52 Thursday September 30 99
anyone left to talk fussball with?

Readey at 16:53:13 Thursday September 30 99
Thats what you think !! 2000 perforations in each one.

Mahoolah at 16:52:3 Thursday September 30 99
Don't tetlys make teabags make tea?

Adam at 16:51:7 Thursday September 30 99
She's just turned 26, surely too young for her views. What do you think?

Mahoolah at 16:50:56 Thursday September 30 99
Wahey...hard enough whae.....oh......right...May be, may be. I'm half way there in Alfs Town of the week 23/09/99 anyway.

Readey at 16:50:31 Thursday September 30 99
Is what safe ?? the drinking water, don't know I brush my teeth with Tetleys bitter.

Ian in Northampton at 16:50:11 Thursday September 30 99
Adam: at nearly 47, it's difficult not to hold antiquated views. But then, how old is your girlfriend? She seems like a very smart lady to me, whatever her age....

Readey at 16:48:41 Thursday September 30 99
hard enough for a night out is of course what I meant............ just to avoid the ambiguity.

Adam at 16:48:29 Thursday September 30 99
Readey, to quote Vic, is it Safe?

Readey at 16:47:19 Thursday September 30 99
Didn't realise it was that far off, the snow drifts should have melted by then and the blizzards decreased so the lecky can be turned back on. 'Sheff in Spring', any of you lot hard enough for it.

adam at 16:38:45 Thursday September 30 99
March 11 Readey

Readey at 16:36:19 Thursday September 30 99
Listen don't get me wrong there are some shitty areas and shitty people but I'm talking generally, Mansfield as someone mentioned has got a bit of a reputation but then so has Luton. Don't know much about Stoke but my mate says the same about Derby where he now is. The ones that know what I'm on about seem to be the ones who have lived up north, so don't listen to the cliches get yourself up for a night out oop north, when do we play Wednesday away ?? 3 bed house in Sheff up for grabs if anyone fancies a grin.

Mahoolah at 16:34:4 Thursday September 30 99
Readey : You must have been in the right ends of town then. I think these stories come out of pubs where everyone knows everyone, and don't like outsiders. Any town worth its salt will have a fair amount of cosmopolitan minded clubbers. That Landlord sums up what's good about the whole north south thing, a bit of friendly rivalry that creates a good atmosphere. It when the pissheads and lads come out of the woodwork that things go wrong I reckon.

Quizmaster at 16:30:53 Thursday September 30 99
Kinda fond of Ireland myself Ready, my father is Irish (southern )and my mother is Scottish, so Ian in N will really hate me.

Readey at 16:26:44 Thursday September 30 99
Re Newcastle Mahholaa, the only time I've been up there was last season when we won 3-0, 3 of us went up and 2 of us scored, the place is heaving with decent birds, all pissed, all chatty, all out for a good time and that is the diference, more of them know how to have a good time. I went to Liverpool last season for both games and there as well was some of the best times I've had before and after a match in the pubs chatting to the locals, smoking dope in the Adelphi bar with a load of girls on a hen night. Best comment I've had up here and my accent hasn't been northernised just yet was in a bar in Sheffield, the landlord asked where I was from and when I told him he said 'Ahhhh, northern France'.

Mahoolah at 16:21:22 Thursday September 30 99
My typing is getting worse and worse as the day wears on.

Adam at 16:20:54 Thursday September 30 99
Message for Ian: I stupidly gave my girlfriend this URL and she agrees with everything you have written. Although I've always thought her views were a bit antiquated.

Mahoolah at 16:20:53 Thursday September 30 99
Oh yes, I've been too cumbria and I must say they weren't too bad. Even the Pisshead at the bar knew when a jok was a joke, which was a good sign.

Yossa at 16:19:6 Thursday September 30 99
As someone who has lived in the arse of the world for four years (stoke) midland and the north all the same too many people up there have too narrow a view point on life and hate people to be different and if the norths so great why do millions and i mean millions emigrate down south every year

Ian in Northampton at 16:18:26 Thursday September 30 99
M: interesting point - my experience of 'ooop North' is confined pretty much to Yorkshire, where the natives were certainly friendly, and to Cumbria, where they're also friendly. I suspect things west of the Pennines and in the north-east may be a little different. Christ, I msut get on with some work today, especially as I've announced that I'm 'working from home' again tomorrow....

Mahoolah at 16:16:5 Thursday September 30 99
Ready, would you be willing to reduce the catchment area to 'Yorkshire'. I had a mate from Newcaslte, and I was going to go up and stay with him (but I didn't in the end), but the week before he said I should practice a northern accent, I said which one, abit confised, he said any ans long as you don't sound too southern, they get beaten up if you run in to the wrong sort. Now thinking about that in the context of the sout, and with my experience working in a rough town centre pub, Northerners NEVER EVER got beaten up for being northerners. In fact, if there was any trouble it was often (but not exclusively) caused by either the locals fighting with locals (about who shagged who's mum) or Northerners who'd drank too much and wanted a fight with the southern poofs. Worst offenders were goerdies and scousers though, and Yorkies were usually no trouble cos John Smiths mellows you out, whereas newky brown makes you angry.

Siggy F at 16:11:11 Thursday September 30 99
From my many multi-faceted experiences, northern clubs are happy hunting grounds for so-called Southern Softies. Northern birds just cannot resist a "soft" southern accent. We may be soft - but not in the log department (unlike their mushy-peas-mullering males). Of course, said males don't take kindly to us "softies" taking their wenches and fights will break out. But southern blood is thicker than northern water and we always won through. So there you have it.

Mahoolah at 16:10:42 Thursday September 30 99
funny thing about North wales was Paul calf on Steve Coogan's live show. Commenting that it couldn't be a worse place to be (than wherever ot was in the sketch), the inimitable Calf remembers : "oh yes there is ......Rhyl. On Bank holiday monday. Standing outside a cafe. thats shut. In the rain. Crying. With Fuckin Dave lee fuckin travis. Never again......I don't how he persuaded me there was a stringfellows in Rhyl...." Having been to Rhyl on a Bank Holidy Monday, I can at first hand account for its poor quality. Full up with liverpudlians and Mancunians fighting each other and trying to find something interesting to do.

Adam at 16:7:27 Thursday September 30 99
I havent seen a scrap in a Southern Club, loads of hugging and smiling faces out of their heads.

Ian in Northampton at 16:3:18 Thursday September 30 99
Adam: yeah, I went to Mansfield once, but it was closed. I went another time to meet up with some mates for a beer. Coming back over the snow-covered hills to Sheffield at midnight in my pride-and-joy red Mark 1B Capri with a black vinyl roof and whipback aerial, and the electrics pack up. Somehow or other, I coax it down into the centre of Chesterfield where it finally packs up. It's one o'clock and the first thing I see is a police patrol car. I'm seven or eight pints up (I know - thoroughly irresponsible, I don't do that any more, I can only plead youth and stupidity, your honour) and I have never been so shit, shit, shit scared in my life. Well, they get out of the car, wander over, ask me what the problem is, lift the bonnet, fix it and off I go. Going back to our conversation the other day, I guess I'm reminded that not all coppers are arseholes all the time. I'm also reminded that given a choice between being lucky and being smart, I'd go for lucky every time. And just to get back on topic, I guess it's significant that they were northern coppers, not southern coppers.

Readey at 15:58:32 Thursday September 30 99
Adam : And you've never seen a scrap in a southern nightclub ?? Rough bunch dem northerners......

Adam at 15:56:8 Thursday September 30 99
I once went to a club in Mansfield with a mate, we walked in and a bloke gets laid out in front of us. Noone moves a muscle for this bloke. Yes I agree Northerners are friendlier.

Mahoolah at 15:53:54 Thursday September 30 99
Ian : The point you referred to before that I made was about the parasites who get given their status in life. And yhink they deserve it too. And expect us minions to respect them and let them carry on forever. It makes me shudder. Its their money I want spread mnore evenly. You're salaried, they're not : Thats a huge difference.

Dazza at 15:53:51 Thursday September 30 99
ADVANCED APOLOGY - I have been upgrading my PC this week, and I think I might have wiped off some of your predictions for this week (those who have already sent them that is!) if I have I apologies and will restart the prediction league next weekend..sorry

Griff at 15:50:46 Thursday September 30 99
Last time I was in North Wales I was 10. Went to pub with Pa and Bro and Sis. Ordered 3 lemonades. Waited half an hour before being presented with 3 egg mayonaise salads. Odd bunch. Didn’t complain mind, well, you don’t do you…..

Ian in Northampton at 15:50:0 Thursday September 30 99
M: "going to a northern university". An interesting phenomenon which I never quite understood at York was how was it that all the Arts undergraduates were from the south and all the Science undergarduates were from the north. In fact, I did develop a theory, but as it's likely to insult at least most of you, I won't share it.

Yossa at 15:47:58 Thursday September 30 99
Yep its true im aging dyke i had a strapadicktome operation years ago thats right im 50yrl blad head bull dyke you want some

Ian in Northampton at 15:47:58 Thursday September 30 99
M: I worked for it - my father was a teacher, his father ran the Burton's shop on the QEII between Southampton and New York. Readey: I agree. I've lived in London, Essex, Cumbria (Westmoreland, it was then), Oxfordshire, York, Cambridgeshire, Berkshire, Sheffield, Hampshire and Northamptonshire (pretty much in that order) and Northerners are definitely friendlier. I think M's experience was more Wales than North. Dazza: double tick, star, go to the top of the class. So who are Siggy and Quizmaster? I think Siggy is M but I'm not sure. Hands up all those who are missing Hannah. M: Town vs. Country is all in the mind. "I could be bounded by a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space - were it not that I have bad dreams."

Readey at 15:44:0 Thursday September 30 99
Thats Wales Mahoo, there weird over there, I have to say hand on heart that Northerners are friendlier, remember I'm a Southern Shandy as well, and don't start the Northern cliches.

Mahoolah at 15:35:55 Thursday September 30 99
Ready : Piss off you northern bastard! : Seriously though, is that really what you think? I went to north wales once, went to a local pub. I accidentally nudged a young lady and said 'Ooop, sorry' in my poofy southern accent, and was called a southern twat for my troubles. Later on I was told I ought to watch myself as I was up north now by some bad breathed northern monster man. Even my girlfriend who was born there was treated with contempt because she'd moved down south instead of going to a northern university. Gave me a bad impression of teh whoel northern thing. Unless thats just wales.

Siggy at 15:35:13 Thursday September 30 99
M: thank St Patrick for that. I was thinking about scorning Sophie tomorrow so worried I was!! Dazza: is there no end to your talents? Websites to put the professionals to shame, spoofs that fool even dyed-in-the-wool sceptics, amazing.

Griff at 15:34:31 Thursday September 30 99
Readey - they bloody arn't, and I'll smash your face in if you say that again.

Mike the Hammer at 15:30:7 Thursday September 30 99
Not if you are a West Ham fan.

Dazza at 15:29:49 Thursday September 30 99
Confession time - Sky News was me......

Siggy at 15:29:47 Thursday September 30 99
Rob's thing against St Patrick's Day was more a rant that St George's wasn't celebrated with equal passion. In fact it is not celebrated at all which, for a true Patriot, is rather galling. Yossa: if you ain't an ageing lesbian you could well be a sad intellectual, mate. Just like me.

Mahoolah at 15:28:18 Thursday September 30 99
Only time I've signed on they credited my account with the princely sum of £0.00. Made me go out and get a job straight away. When does town become country? Ian : Did you work hard for your wealth or was it handed to you on a plate? Theres a crucial difference. Siggy: I think you're being too defensinve, it was just a cheeky question Yanks: Have far too much land to be called a country, its just loads of small countrys that somehow cling together under one banner , rather like the USSR except capitalist. The biggest threat to the working class (or middle calss depending on your point of view) is the commercialisation of football, its now about players where once it was abut teams and local Identity. I don't know if any of that relates to the current topic of conversation, but thats what I thin kanyway. Oh and Yossa, if you are an ageing lesbian then nuff respect. It must have been hard to come out of the closet during the war years.

lee of thfc at 15:28:16 Thursday September 30 99
Ian: I'll think you'll find that north east London is dominated by huge reservoirs quite sufficient to supply the Tottenham, Edmonton Enfield areas - where god's people live.

Dazza at 15:28:7 Thursday September 30 99
Hello bods, have yer missed me???

Readey in a Southern free zone apart from a couple of us in the office!!! at 15:25:25 Thursday September 30 99
Right as none of you wanted to talk Irish with me, I don't give up that easy, some of you will buck at this as it took me 3 years to admit to myself, Northerners are friendlier than Southerners.

Noel at 15:22:26 Thursday September 30 99
Most red faced micks are piss heads and wife beaters.

Ian in Northampton at 15:20:39 Thursday September 30 99
Adam: bitch! (And fyi, from memory, doesn't Manchester get its entire water supply from Ullswater? It certainly used to...)

Gay Marvyn at 15:20:27 Thursday September 30 99
Makes you wanna holler, the way they do my life

Adam at 15:19:35 Thursday September 30 99
All you country people have to do is provide us with food and you cant even do that without poisoning us. I'm all for a civil war, Cities V Countryside.

ian in Northampton at 15:19:1 Thursday September 30 99
Paolo: if you didn't think it was me, who did you think it was? (Siggy, that is). I guess I'm very unperceptive/dense, but I struggle to keep up with who Quizmaster might be or Spiggy or Sky News - although I think I've finally sussed (round of applause) that you are Eeyore and Baz is Olw. Is it coincidence, or is the improved tone of Alf's this afternoon anything to do with anyone who isn't here but a long way away...?

Adam at 15:16:19 Thursday September 30 99
We have reservoirs all over the place, Mr Fox Hunter

Ian in Northampton at 15:14:51 Thursday September 30 99
Adam: I thought I already did? It's interesting how things even out, though, isn't it? I fund your round the world travel, you subsidise my gas/electricity/water or whatever. I think we can call it quits. (By the way: on the basis that there are no rivers or lakes worth talking about in most urban conurbations, can I point out that that's OUR water you city slickers are drinking?)

Readey at 15:13:2 Thursday September 30 99
Ian - Yeah, the Yanks are a law unto their own, especially when it comes to ancestry. I do think that Irish 'culture', music, pubs, writers, people, landscapes is top notch. The unfortuante reality is because it is so good commercialism was not far behind and the Irish Theme Pub, the Irish Theme band, the Irish Theme bread was not too far behind. I was over there not long back and I saw the first drive in MacDonalds I'd seen over there and the image is quickly diminishing of the Ireland I know, not an over romaticised, rosy, dreamlike place but a place I love for what it is.

Adam at 15:3:17 Thursday September 30 99
Ian lend me some money please

Ian in Northampton at 15:3:12 Thursday September 30 99
Readey: speaking of which, I lived in the USA for a couple of years and used to dread St. Patricks Day. They miraculously all discover they have Irish ancestors (even the Spinettis, the Obdarskis and the de la Rosas), they all wear green ties, they serve green beer (and if there's one thing worse than Bud it's green Bud) and even dye the rivers green. But what makes it impossible to stomach is the perpetuation of the 'romance of the Irish' with leprechauns and Blarney Stones and shamrocks and Paddy McGinty's flucking Goat. I pointed out to a few of them that the Irish seem a good deal less 'romantic' the closer they live to you....

Paolo in the toilet, watching two pints of London's Finest being recycled at 15:2:48 Thursday September 30 99
Readey - they're a funny lot on Olw's. Oh, and while I'm at it, I should have warned you Q (but I was down the pub at the time!), but young Rob takes the Diana thing rather seriously - tread v carefully.

Minister for Silly Talks at 15:0:57 Thursday September 30 99
Right! Stop this. This is all far to sensible. I've not read one silly remark all day. Time for silliness.

Paolo at 14:58:59 Thursday September 30 99
Ian - of course I don't think it's you! Yossa - is your anarchistic approach to spelling linked to your Grauniad reading?!

Daz(bnila) at 14:56:16 Thursday September 30 99
Ian, say what you mean mate, you dont type enough ....(sorry). Rob mate, i thought you 'ad my address...!. Darren@Kitching.freeserve. co.uk.....I think!, if its wrong I'll correct it for u tomora'. Take care all and 3-1 to us tonight.

Yossa at 14:55:31 Thursday September 30 99
Apparently Im an ageing lesbian according to the fact i read the guardian i wonder what the missus will have to say on this matter

Readey at 14:54:1 Thursday September 30 99
Ian - Fair enough, I thought your were going to be a bit more radical than that thats all, once the Scots get going with their Parliament and once there country doesn't change one jot, they at least will have noone else to blame/whinge at than themselves, which suits me. I will say one more thing though, I always celebrate St Patricks Day as its usually one hell of a pissup and certain people on Olws took exception, Rob was one I think, which confused the hell outta me.

Adam at 14:53:32 Thursday September 30 99
In fact Ian, i have a confession I once sponged off the state. Whilst I was travelling around S.E Asia and Australia, my mate signed on in my name and we split the profits. ( let him him have my Abbeylink card). I would like to thank all the taxpayers who helped to support me on my travels.

Ian in Northampton at 14:49:23 Thursday September 30 99
Adam: yeah, but we're worth every penny....

Adam at 14:47:50 Thursday September 30 99
I agree with quite a bit of what Ian said. Apart from I've nothing against loathers that much. If they dont want to work too hard thats up to them, you cant make too much money on the dole. More of our taxes go on all the tax dodges used by the very rich to get out of paying their rightful amount. Also did you know that the average household in every town and city subsidizes our country cousins to the tune of £600/year and that doesnt include things like gas, electricity, water where we pay more to subsidize those country freeloaders.

Ian in Northampton at 14:46:47 Thursday September 30 99
Paolo: if you think it's me, you'd be wrong. And I think, given its origin, I should take 'cack' as a compliment....

Siggy at 14:45:48 Thursday September 30 99
M: Fair enough, but one other thing, is it now politically incorrect to look at a pretty girl's legs and torso on Breakfast time TV?

Ian in Northampton at 14:45:26 Thursday September 30 99
Readey: nothing really - except that the Welsh and the Scots (and my surname would indicate that I come from a long line of Scots, even if I was born in East Ham General) get on my tits somewhat with their anti-Englishness, their belief that, left to their own devices and without interference from England, they'd be a lot better off, the huge chips they carry on their shoulders, their complaining and whingeing. (But apart from that, I think they're really nice people). So far as the Irish are concerned, cf my remarks below about extremism and the politics of opposition.

Paolo - with two pints of London's Finest in side him - lubbly jubly! at 14:43:47 Thursday September 30 99
What a lot of cack from Northampton. But at least I know who Siggy is now!

Readey in The Peoples Rebublic of South Yorkshire as it used to be called !!! at 14:35:46 Thursday September 30 99
Ramble it may be, but interesting it was. One question, What have you got against the Celts ?? (to note: I'm not a plastic Irish Rebublican, just to let you know)

Ian in Northampton at 14:30:5 Thursday September 30 99
Adam: allow me to evade your question by saying "It depends what you mean by the class war". Yes, I think war on the basis of class is over. Yes, I think 'war' is an inappropriate word. Yes, I think the different classes are now far less distinguishable than they were 50 years ago: from where I sit, I'd say about 1% of the population is 'upper class', 5% 'working class' and the remaining 94% 'middle class'. And, for 90% of the 5%, they'd rather be 'midle class' anyway. Should we - that's you, me, Bambi and everyone else - be striving for a world in which every child has the same opportunity? Of course. Is it hard to take that there are people in the world who, through no effort of their own, are unfathomably rich while others starve? You bet! (By the way: by your - or was it Mahoolah's? - definition, I have a nasty feeling I'm one of those 'rich bastards' you despise: I think I saw something that said that someone on my salary is in the top 5% income bracket. But do I think I'm rich? Do I fluck.) My single biggest hobby horse (other than BMW drivers, the Celts and all the other tiny prejudices I've revealed on the new Alf's) is equality of opportunity. No-one, by virtue of birth, household income, so-called 'class' should be deprived of access to top-rate education, adequate housing, jobs, health care - whatever. Abolition of the 11+/establishment of comprehensive schools was, for me, one of the single most important social changes of the last 50 years, insofar as it put a stop to society branding a child a 'success' or a 'failure' at 11. What I don't believe, however, is that everyone is or should be equal. Before you can redistribute wealth, you have to create it. By the nature of people, there are those who will rise to the challenge of creating wealth, and those who would rather stand idly by and complain. In my book, you reward/motivate those who want to create wealth. If you don't, why would they bother? (By the way, I'm obviously not talking here about inherited wealth). Else, why wouldn't they just sit around and wait for handouts? The important thing is, everyone should have the opportunity to create wealth - but we don't end up taxing people at 95% so we can give everyone £20,000 a year and everyone's equal. There are other issues which exercise me, though. There must be limits, for example, on what we spend on the NHS: health care is potentially a bottomless pit - as much money as you throw at it, it can consume more. Perhaps - and it's a big perhaps - we should be spending more, but before we do that, I'd like to think we're getting value for every penny we spend. There's also no doubt in my mind that, while there are millions who are unemployed through no fault of their own and who would dearly love to have a job, there's also a very sizeable minority who won't work and expect to be looked after and I resent every penny of my substantial taxes (yes, I know, I should consider myself bloody lucky to be paying an enormous tax bill each month) that's spent on looking after them. I'm starting to ramble, but I think I'm making a point about the invalidity of left/right politics: you can be pro-comprehensive school without being a Socialist, and you can want value for money from the health service without being a Tory. You can believe in equality of opportunity without being a Socialist - and you can believe in discouraging those who won't work without being a Tory. That's why I think the class war is no longer meaningful - because the issues are sufficiently complex that they deserve to be examined and resolved without recourse to a vocabulary whose usefulness died long ago. I hate all extremists with a passion: anyone who thinks the world is easily subdivided into black/white or right/wrong or upper/lower or rich/poor or have/have not just doesn't understand what's going on. Here endeth the lesson....

Mahoolah at 14:28:59 Thursday September 30 99
I'm not insulted, I don't buy newspapers. Nor do you it seems.

Mike the Hammer at 14:23:25 Thursday September 30 99
HISLOP, LOMAS, POTTS, STIMAC, FERDINAND, SINCLAIR, LAMPARD, KELLER, MONCUR, WANCHOPE, DI CANIO Subs: FORREST, CARRICK, NEWTON, KITSON, COLE, MARGAS, FOE. From official site.

Adam at 14:12:1 Thursday September 30 99
One last thing for Ian, you can count the number of Tories from lower middle to working class on half of one hand. Heseltine, Clark, Portillo, Redwood, Archer etc just the sort of blokes you see down the pub. The only working class one i can thing of is Norman "Third Reich" Tebbit.

Rob at 14:8:18 Thursday September 30 99
Adam, like I said, politics is a load of old pony. Period.

Rob at 14:7:35 Thursday September 30 99
Quizie: I thought that was what you were referring to. In any case, it's a joke so unfunny you wouldn't believe it. Then again, you didn't go to the funeral, so you wouldn't know what is was like.

Siggy at 14:6:23 Thursday September 30 99
Mahoolah: since you are such an expert on rabid ranting ("bullshit" in my neck of the woods) I'll take your word for it. But to gen you up, tits and legs first thing in the morning are useful for waking oneself up before searching for discarded rags in the bins of the city. I wonder why you're insulted, anyway? Not one of them intellectual has-beens, are we?

Rob at 14:5:2 Thursday September 30 99
Club International and Men Only are the best.

Adam at 13:56:45 Thursday September 30 99
Ian, Do you think the Class War's real or mythologised?

Adam at 13:49:19 Thursday September 30 99
Ian I forgot my tarvelcard today and had to get a return from Bounds Green- £4.20

Mahoolah at 13:49:6 Thursday September 30 99
So, siggy, by your rabid ranting, I take it you prefer to look at tits and legs in the morning for your intellectual stimulation? Razzle? Men Only?

Ian in Northampton at 13:47:19 Thursday September 30 99
Adam: Kelvin McKenzie lie??? Shurely shome mishtake? And I think you do yourself a little bit of a disservice by clinging to the old 'upper class, public school educated Tory" and the "salt of the earth, decent, hard working Socialist". In my experience, there are plenty of Tories from the so-called 'working classes' and plenty of Socialists who went to public school and are, within what I understand to be your definition, 'upper class'. Politics is far too important for simplistic jingoism: despite my regret that both parties now appear to be in the middle, it must be a step forward from the extremes of right and left we've seen in the past. Politics is about consensus, not conflict - or it should be.

Mahoolah at 13:43:54 Thursday September 30 99
So, Siggy, by your rabid ranting, I take it you prefer to look at tits and legs in the morning for your intellectual stimulation? Razzle? Men Only?

Siggy at 13:36:32 Thursday September 30 99
That Sophie is a dish all right. Nice legs, great tits. Only one paper in teh world worth reading and that's the one you find on the tube or in a bin first thing in the morning (usually dumped there by a security guard). Ian is spot on about the Guardian. Deeply pathetic for sad lesbians and aging intellectuals. Times and Telegraph are par for the course. Decent sport, twisted socio-political thinking. I usually fall asleep before reaching teh start of the Indy let alone the end. The tabloids aren't worth the paper they're written on but at least they give you a laugh. The "middle of the road" rags like Express, Mail and (RIP) Today were just too vile for words. Empty, empty vessels.

Adam at 13:33:16 Thursday September 30 99
Rob, i know politicians of both sides are useless. But I have more in common with Labour ones then the public school educated upper class Tories ( and i include Blair in that). In fact Stephen Twigg, Labour MP who defeated Portillo went to my Comprehensive School and i went out with his younger sister for about a month when I was 15. Ian, it was a book on the history of The Sun Newspaper , a direct quote from Millwall fan McKenzie who could be lying i suppose. But I recommend the book anyway.

Mahoolah at 13:31:51 Thursday September 30 99
The Sun : Power without Responsibility : The enemy of democracy

ian in Northampton at 13:29:4 Thursday September 30 99
Thank God we're not stupid, Adam, right, and don't believe anything we're told like how John Major called Kelvin McKenzie.... I mean, we're just not that gullible, right?

Adam at 13:27:6 Thursday September 30 99
I read the Mirror occasionally, i as well refuse to read any right wing papers (which is nearly the lot of them). If anyone believes that the right wing propaganda we are constantly fed doesnt make a difference then you are kidding yourself. John Major personally phoned Kelvin McKenzie at The Sun saying it was The Sun that won the election. Dont forget the majority of people are stupid and will believe anything they are told.

Mike the Hammer at 13:24:47 Thursday September 30 99
Because it's in red & white,to go with his red tinted glasses.

Vic the Gooner at 13:24:23 Thursday September 30 99
I shall be in the Boleyn Sunday bsfore the game. If you can spot me in the crowd I'll by you a drink.

Mike the Hammer is now feel in g distinctly younger for th at 13:23:31 Thursday September 30 99
All this talk of age makes me feel happier about being 30 next week!

Ian in Northampton at 13:21:17 Thursday September 30 99
How did I know that VtG would be a Sun reader?

Vic the Gooner at 13:18:55 Thursday September 30 99
Aged 41. Reading The Sun (Britains finest daily), page 3, 60 - 64 and striker.

Ian in Northampton at 13:13:0 Thursday September 30 99
Paolo: it's my 47th on October 25th, so I have some sympathy. But on the basis you've got to be 52 some time, it might as well be now as in 2004 - and I think I'd have had a whole lot more fun getting there (not that I haven't had a lot of fun, you understand - but a chap can always have more, right?) And don't talk politics to moi: given a choice bwteen William Hague and Tony Blair, I'd rather have my dick cut off with a blunt penknife. All that rabid anti-Tory stuff is just so passé, my dear. They're all in the middle, and they're all in it for themselves. Bollox to all of them, I say. And I'd still rather read the Times or the Telegraph than the Grauniad with its posey, self-regarding, quasi-intellectual, pseod-caring but deeply stupid approach.

Griff - Inde reader I'm afraid at 13:11:34 Thursday September 30 99
Paolo - I'm alive and well thanks for asking. Happy Birthday(s) to all concerned. and now a crap joke. An Irish bloke goes to the Doctor. "Dactor, it's me arse. I'd loik ya ta take a look, if ya woot. Oi'min acony." So the Doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible", he says, "There is a £20 note lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the Paddy's arse, and then a £10 appears. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?" "Well fur Gads sake get it out, man" shrieks the patient. The Doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another. Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. How moch is dare,den?" The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1990 exactly." "Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling too grand"

Quizmaster at 13:11:5 Thursday September 30 99
Sorry Rob, I thought it was the other Diana, the one who went flying through the air in a merc, hence "Flying Fuck" Sense of humour a bit twisted I know but, hey !. By the way, does anyone else watch BBC news in the morning ? They have a bird on there called Sophie and she's flucking gorgeous. They do a bit on the daily papers after the 7.30 headlines and if she's got a skirt on her legs are WOW !!!!!!

Rob at 13:6:50 Thursday September 30 99
Depends on whether you wanna wake up with a hangover tomorrow. Stella if you don't mind. Beck's if you do. Daz, what's your e-mail address mate?

Yossa at 13:4:56 Thursday September 30 99
I read the guardian everyday Mike on the train at the office and on the bog

Rob at 13:4:21 Thursday September 30 99
Diana Ross = toss.

Daz(bnila) at 13:4:1 Thursday September 30 99
Flicking through the latest copy of "pravda" (ammers news) in wh smith i was quite impressed with the upturn in the quality, they even had an article obtained from OLAS about "extreme" patriotism, the club listening to real fans??...i had to have a lie down for a few minutes..but had to chuckle when i saw they were charging nigh on 3 quid for it..god bless wh smiths...the up to date library.Improving public relations could start with giving seasons worth of free copies to all season ticket holders...I give all my programmes away to the local library, and its good to see kids who cant afford to get to games for one reason or another flicking through them when i venture in there...but then again that kind of forward thinking wont filter through to the club until around 2010 probably. As for tonight the big debate is whether to buy Becks or Stella from the local offy to cheer the boys on with....any ideas?...

Rob at 13:3:42 Thursday September 30 99
If he didn't care, why did he go (almost) as mental as Wrighty when Owen scored THAT goal in June last year. If you remember, Barnes and Wright were working for ITV that night, and were seen doing what can only be described as a jig of some kind when that famous goal went in. Weird.

Paolo at 13:2:24 Thursday September 30 99
Sorry - views ARE bollocks. English collapsing on me. Going down pub. Talk later

Quizmaster in the office, frantically searching for a notebook to write that down at 13:1:53 Thursday September 30 99
Rob, Diana = Flying Fuck ? I'm mega impressed with you, that's funny.

Exeter City News - 20th September at 13:1:46 Thursday September 30 99
Borrowed hitman Gary Alexander led Exeter City back to the victory trail with the two-goal blast that sunk struggling York. And Grecians boss Peter Fox declared: "This boy is getting better all the time!" Fox was delighted last week after persuading parent club West Ham to extend Alexander's St. James' Park loan spell into a second month. The 20-year-old responded by inspiring a 2-1 win that kept City among the Division Three top dogs. "Gary produced one of the best displays that I've seen from a striker during my time in the job," beamed Fox. "People judge strikers on different things and some want to see all sorts of fancy tricks. But for simple, solid forward play, Gary's contribution against York was magnificent." Alexander fired Exeter ahead with an early penalty after Geoff Breslan had been tripped.

Mike the Hammer at 13:1:17 Thursday September 30 99
Quizmaster,how many people have you actually SEEN reading the Guardian?I can't remember ever seeing anyone.

Paolo at 13:0:36 Thursday September 30 99
According to Teamfibs Margas isn't fit for tonight's game, but Rio's back...........Ian - the last thing I'd want (on my 46th birthday!) is to be 5 years OLDER! Fuck me.......Q - you sound like a nice chap, so sorry about this, but your views on the Gruaniad (and G readers) is bollocks (ditto Ian - how can you possible prefer that right wing, rabid tory rag instead?!!)

Ian in Northampton at 12:59:45 Thursday September 30 99
Q: Why do Grauniad readers always have beards? A: To compensate for the heat lost through their sandals. Says it all, really. Dopey, liberal-minded, woolly-thinking lefties. And lay off knocking us gin and tonic drinkers: my doctor (I had my annual company medical last week) says I have a 75 unit/week habit which is, apparently, unhealthy....

Rob at 12:58:28 Thursday September 30 99
Quiz: they both have very good sports sections sections, especially the Telegraph. If you think I care which party either supports, you're very much mistaken. I couldn't give a Diana about politics. They're all lying cheating cunts anyway.

Paolo at 12:56:26 Thursday September 30 99
This from Teamfibs - Harry Redknapp is hopeful of signing Moroccan full back Abdelilah Saber in time for the 25 year old to make his debut against Arsenal on Sunday. A £1 million deal is close to being completed with Sporting Lisbon after Redknapp's patience ran out regarding the Gary Charles situation. Financial wrangles have slowed up the Charles transfer and now Redknapp has set his sights on Saber. Redknapp confirmed : "I wanted to buy Charles but I don't think we're going to do it now. There are too many problems and it has dragged on for too long." Redknapp added : "I've got someone else lined up and it's Saber. I'm very interested in him and I hope to complete a deal by Friday in time to beat the deadline to play on Sunday."

Ian in Northampton at 12:56:22 Thursday September 30 99
Q: Times/Sunday Times/Private Eye/HNM/Model Rail (sad, the last one, right?). Despite assertions to th contrary, the Grauniad is crap - rather the Torygraph any day. Readey: as Paolo says, yes it was - and also like Paolo, I didn't see a whole lot of love either, being only 14. If I could change one thing about my life, I'd have been born about five years earlier - I'd have loved to have been a teenager in the early sixties, in my late teens/early twenties for the summer of love. Teenagers were only really invented in the late 50s - it would have been great to be in at the beginning.

Quizmaster at 12:54:5 Thursday September 30 99
The thing that puts me off the Guardian is the people I see reading it. The middle aged, Rover or Volvo driving, cardigan with check shirt wearing, Gin and Tonic drinking, toffee nosed, haw-haw voiced, so called superior typed WANKERS. " Keep the red flag flying here......." I'd read the Morning Star if I could get hold of it.

Football 365 at 12:48:23 Thursday September 30 99
John Barnes didn't care when he played for England. The Celtic coach has admitted in his autobiography that he hated the nationalism which surrounded the England team and that he is glad he no longer has to maintain the facade of being fiercely patriotic. Barnes now insists he felt no more patriotic towards England than he would have done towards Scotland had he chosen to play international football for them, as he could have done as a Commonwealth citizen. He claims to feel more Jamaican than English and used to glory in winding up teammates by insisting that "it's impossible to be prouder of being English than of being French". Of course all this merely begs the question 'If John Barnes disliked playing for England so much, why did he bother?' He should have told his managers of his lack of interest in the national side and quit. If you don't care about a country, you should not represent them. Barnes could have been the best player in the world but if he wasn't all that bothered, then he shouldn't have been picked. Goading the likes of Terry Butcher and Stuart Pearce with comments about national pride is the act of a man who had no business wearing the white shirt in the first place. Butcher and Pearce gave their all for England in every game they played and they are the kind of players the fans love, the ones who make no secret of the deep pride they feel when wearing their national colours. Supporters will be far more forgiving of the deficiencies of a committed but limited player than of one who has all the skills, yet none of the desire. The barracking Barnes used to receive from so-called England fans was disgusting. But by confessing that "I would have tried as hard for Scotland as England", the Celtic manager has handed those boo-boys a ready-made defence for their actions. Barnes made a fortune from commercial deals during his playing career, many presumably as a direct result of his status as an England international. Yet there was no suggestion at the time of his unhappiness with the baggage that went with the high-profile role. If Barnes didn't like it, he should have declined to get involved and made himself unavailable for England. He insists he tried hard for the side out of professional pride, but that's simply not enough. The bottom line is the England team - or any other national side - should be made up of men who will go out and die for the cause. Clearly, Barnes never would have done that. He insists that the abuse would have been far worse "if those booing me actually understood football". They may not have understood football, but they did understand national pride. The supporters had paid hard-earned money to support a country they love and the results meant everything to them. Barnes may not have felt the same way, but if he'd shown a bit more understanding of the fans' feelings and half the pride and determination of guys like Butcher and Pearce, he would probably never have been booed in the first place.

Paolo at 12:47:17 Thursday September 30 99
Q - the Indy is a bit of a sitting on the fence, wanky sort of paper, if you're anti-Tory why not the Guardian? I know it's far from perfect, but it's better than anything else around.

Paolo at 12:45:34 Thursday September 30 99
Readey - I don't think Q is who you think he is!

Paolo at 12:44:29 Thursday September 30 99
Readey - indeed it was and great fun it was too (except that only being 13 I didn't do too well on the 'love' front). Although the bastards closed all the off-shore stations down that year (except Caroline, of course), so that rather spoilt things.

Quizmaster at 12:43:26 Thursday September 30 99
Meant to say, I read the Independent and International Herald Tribune. I refuse to read a tabloid, anything from Wapping or anything that supports the conservative party. Kinda restricts things I know, but there you go. By the way, what's a red herring ?

Readey at 12:40:39 Thursday September 30 99
Paolo/Ian/ - Wasn't Summer 67 the summer of love ????

Quizmaster at 12:38:54 Thursday September 30 99
Dissapointed in your choice of reading, Rob. One is a right wing, Tory supporting, jingoistic publication that thinks there is still an empire, the other in much the same with cartoons and tits.

Readey at 12:38:39 Thursday September 30 99
Well mate I'm not 100% so bear with me and all that, not sure if Q has been putting in a few red herrings but I think it should be him who spill the beans. So Q who are you ????????? BTW my birthday is end of May so working on that my folks must have been procreating August Bank Holiday 1967, not a nice thought imagining your folks at it........

Paolo at 12:34:1 Thursday September 30 99
PS - greetings Readey, when are you going to tell me who Q is then?!!

Paolo at 12:33:30 Thursday September 30 99
Where do these stories come from then? They look authentic - is someone really going to all that trouble just to hoodwink a few sad buggers on Alf's? Weird.

Paolo at 12:31:24 Thursday September 30 99
Talking of papers - the Evening Standard are running a special on young Frankie tonight. I would never recommend anyone to buy this fascist rag, but you might find a copy discarded on the tube...

Rob at 12:30:30 Thursday September 30 99
Frank is in. He was left out of the U-21's yesterday. GREAT NEWS for him. Now he has to play like a man possessed against Belgium, really show he's good enough.

Rob at 12:29:24 Thursday September 30 99
Sorry, 9pm local time, 8pm GMT.

Rob at 12:28:51 Thursday September 30 99
Sinclair story is bollocks. The England squad is announced tomorrow.

Paolo at 12:28:39 Thursday September 30 99
Gruaniad for me, but only on Saturdays usually.

Paolo at 12:28:4 Thursday September 30 99
Excellent - footy talk all morning! 9pm?! presumably that's their time? 8pm here. Is this Sinclair news kosher? Brilliant if it is, but what about Frank?

Readey at 12:22:52 Thursday September 30 99
Hi to you all, been down in a lovely hotel near Heathrow all week, my company have a delightful computer centre down that way. Happy Birthday to the people concerned. Harrys book, hmmmmmm, anything by Agatha Christie, Harry is a definetely a whodunnit freak.

Rob at 12:22:37 Thursday September 30 99
Telegraph & Currant.

CONFIRMATION at 12:22:6 Thursday September 30 99
UEFA Cup 1st Round 2nd Leg. Thursday, 30th October 1999. Gradski Vrt Stadium, Osijek. NK Osijek v West Ham United. Kick off 9pm.

PA Sport at 12:19:30 Thursday September 30 99
SINCLAIR GETS NOD By Matt Barlow, PA Sport The continuing good form of West Ham winger Trevor Sinclair has earned the ex-QPR man a surprise England call-up for the friendly against Belgium. With Real Madrid's Steve MacManaman injured during the Champions' League clash with FC Porto, and David Beckham likely to be pushed into central midfield, Kevin Keegan needs option on the right hand side where Newcastle's Kieron Dyer will start.

Mike the Hammer at 12:17:36 Thursday September 30 99
I buy the Daily Star in the morning.The broadsheets are all delivered to the office.

Mike the Hammer at 12:16:36 Thursday September 30 99
I'll look into the results Mahoolah,a tad busy at the moment.

Quizmaster at 12:15:29 Thursday September 30 99
What paper/papers do people here read ?

Basinhead at 12:5:5 Thursday September 30 99
What was the last book Harry read do you think? I can't get my head round Harry reading anything but The Sun.

Steve at 11:32:56 Thursday September 30 99
Paolo: Griff's still about, though very busy these days. Yesterday he was "having his flat valued".

Yossa at 11:24:0 Thursday September 30 99
Moncs has signed a new one year deal untill the end of next season

Mahoolah at 11:8:32 Thursday September 30 99
I think it all started because of the way he looks. nothing more. If he looked more like an english bloke I'm sure he'd have been okay.

Quizmaster at 11:6:15 Thursday September 30 99
What's the real story about Wenger and kids ? Please, please someone, spill the beans. Just make sure you use the word "allegedly" a few times just in case. We don't want Alf dragged off by the pigs for a good kicking in underground cells and then see Alf in court. Do we ?

Rob at 11:6:10 Thursday September 30 99
Quiz: I have a terrible double chin (sort of), but I'm far from fat.

Rob at 11:5:19 Thursday September 30 99
Even if we lost 2-0 at home, and 3-0 away to Arsenal, I'd say yes, if it was in the papers that Mssrs. Ferguson, Beckham and Keane were found in bed together, and it was broadcast all over the world, I'd take that.

Quizmaster at 11:4:11 Thursday September 30 99
Rob, I saw pictures on one of the sites recently and I thought you seemed a little Mr Blobby, or should that be a Little Mr Blobby ? Don't know, sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick, as the Queen said to the Gardener.

Adam at 11:3:27 Thursday September 30 99
On a serious note now, i hope we are going to give Wenger a lot of stick on Sunday. If I pluck up the courage, when its quiet, i'm going to stand up and shout "Oi Wenger, leave those kids alone"

Rob at 10:58:51 Thursday September 30 99
I'd give ANYTHING to see us win the Cup.

Mahoolah at 10:46:7 Thursday September 30 99
Alex Ferguson found in bed with Beckahm and keane, but west ham lose to Arsenal home and away.

Adam at 10:44:29 Thursday September 30 99
Here is another dilemma for everyone. Wenger is allowed to carry on his heinious crimes against young boys and continue to run his evil paedophile ring, if West Ham win the FA Cup.

.Mahoolah at 10:36:29 Thursday September 30 99
Mike, you have to choose from the 7 results specified : 1 - 0, 2 - 0, 4 - 0, 3 - 3, 0- 1, 0- 2 and 0- 4. Thats what makes it tough, assigning a 4 -0 defeat to the mighty irons which would never hapen in reality.

Mahoolah at 10:34:43 Thursday September 30 99
I would willingly sacrifice a 0 - 4 reverse at home to win at anfield by two clear goals. Losing at tottenham is acceptable if we were to win at Old trafford. (it should be 2 -0 below)

Mike the Hammer at 10:33:30 Thursday September 30 99
1) 2-1 2) 0-1 3) 2-0 4) 1-0 5) 1-1 6) 2-2 7) 2-1

Paolo in the old folks home at 10:33:5 Thursday September 30 99
Thanks to those who said "happy birthday", not sure about the 'old git' bit though Steve! (BTW - where's Griff these days?). Mahoolah - I did an analysis of about 24,000 dates of birth on one of our databases a few years ago and the most popular month for being born in May (I too thought it would be September), although there isn't much in it, it's a fairly even spread throughout the year. Presumably it's people letting the sun, sea and Sangria go to their heads in August?!...........3 points Sunday would be a hell of a present, but a win tonight would be a pretty acceptable start - I just want to see us back on our winning way again, and playing with the style we started the season with.

Mike the Hammer at 10:31:37 Thursday September 30 99
Adam,that's a hard one to call......Oh,go on then. So Rob,you wouldn't take all that,as you want to make changes!

Mahoolah at 10:27:32 Thursday September 30 99
Your challenge is : 7 games to allocate 7 results to . 1. Arse Home 2. Arse away 3. Liverpool home and 4. away 5. Man United Home and 6.Away 7. Totteham away. 7 results (wh first ) : 1 - 0, 2 - 0, 4 - 0, 3 - 3, 0 - 1, 0 - 2, 0 - 4. 1. 3 - 3 2. 4 - 0 3. 0 - 4 4. 2 - 0 5. 3 - 3 6. 0 - 2 7. 0- 1 Tough desicions though.

Rob at 10:26:27 Thursday September 30 99
I'll take all that, with 2 changes. Margas and Ruddock out for the rest of the season, and we lose 3-0 to the Mancs. 4-0 against the Arse sounds very good... Also, I don't want a plum tie, I want a shit team so we progess.

Ian in Northampton at 10:25:30 Thursday September 30 99
MtH: excellent - good man!

Adam at 10:25:1 Thursday September 30 99
How about this, we win 2-0 tonight get to the 2nd Round of UEFA Cup and meet Tottenham. Then on Sunday we thrash Arsenal 5-0, Joe Cole plays and scores 1 and makes the other 4. But here's the drawback on the way home The Arsenal Coach explodes into smithereens, noone dies but they all lose a leg and Seaman and Manninger lose an arm each. It is found out that Spurs fans planted the bomb, so they are kicked out of everything and we reach the UEFA Cup 3rd Round. Would you except that?

Mike the Hammer at 10:23:19 Thursday September 30 99
Mahoolah,blimey.With Ruddock for the rest of the season,we'd be out of the 3rd round and struggling to get a place for next season.So,as much as I loathe them,even I would have to forgoe a 4-0 drubbing,especially if manure would then stuff us.

Mike the Hammer,whose got chills,they're multiply in g,and he's losing control at 10:19:10 Thursday September 30 99
Rob,so a win at Highbury,defeat at UP,and a place in the 2nd round of UEFA?Yeah.....just.We'd all have to put up wih VtG's inane ravings though,if he ever decided it was safe. IiN,with you now!Oh yes indeed.

Mahoolah at 10:17:44 Thursday September 30 99
How about we beat the Arse 4 - 0, get throught to the second round of Uefa AND get a plumb tie but Rio and Margas are out for the rest of the season forcing Ruddock in to the first team, and we lose to Man united 5 - 0 at home?

Rob at 10:11:18 Thursday September 30 99
Mike; blimey, you really do hate the Arse don't you? Would you really sacrifice a place in the UEFA Cup 2nd round for beating the Arse? OK then, what about if I throw in a win against them in April, would you change your mind then?

Ian in Northampton at 10:10:45 Thursday September 30 99
MtH: sorry, it was a little obscure. No, I'm Olivia Newton-John and wossisname. Bee Gees. Dancing. Saturday Night Fever. Got it - John Travolta.

Rob at 10:9:39 Thursday September 30 99
Grimandi proved he was a cunt last night, that's for sure. Disgraceful elbow.

Mike the Hammer at 10:5:57 Thursday September 30 99
Rob,bastard question.Beat the Arse and get knocked out tonight if I had to give an answer. Ian in Northampton,are you the funky gibbon?

Adam at 10:5:37 Thursday September 30 99
I'll be at the Stadium of Light on the 10th October as well. Are Arsenal the dirtiest team ever?

Rob at 10:2:57 Thursday September 30 99
Vic: it's always safe you fucking twat.

Vic the Gooner at 10:0:48 Thursday September 30 99
Is it safe?

Rob at 10:0:43 Thursday September 30 99
Mike: would you rather we won on Sunday then, and get knocked out, or get through tonight and lose 1-0 on Sunday?

CONFIRMATION at 9:59:49 Thursday September 30 99
Friendly International. Sunday, 10th October 1999. Stadiuum of Light, Sunderland. England v Belgium. Kick off 3pm. I have my ticket. I'm in the Metro FM South Stand Upper Tier. Right in the middle. Lovely.

Croatian Terry in Department of trade and industry at 9:47:7 Thursday September 30 99
Is it safe

Ian in Northampton at 9:43:25 Thursday September 30 99
Mahoolah. Good morning. MtH: ooh ooh ooh?

Yossa at 9:43:13 Thursday September 30 99
congrats to eyeroe for the birthday

Mike the Hammer at 9:32:18 Thursday September 30 99
Oct 9th?

Mahoolah at 9:28:32 Thursday September 30 99
When do England play belgium?

Mike the Hammer at 9:27:21 Thursday September 30 99
Perfect prezzie is 3 points on Sunday.The only one that I want.

Steve at 9:17:0 Thursday September 30 99
Paolo/Eeyore/Old Git: Happy Birthday mate. 'Arry's boys will deliver the perfect pressie tonight.

Rob at 9:16:57 Thursday September 30 99
Quiamaster, wht did you think that in the first place?

Mahoolah at 9:14:59 Thursday September 30 99
Ian, I live in a dip in Northampton, but bizarrely enough, If I hand my portable aerial out of the window I get a pristine picture. Its very odd, cos the main aerial on the roof can't even get a sniff of C5. Odd that. Mornin' BTW

Quizmaster at 9:11:21 Thursday September 30 99
Sorry Rob, I thought you were. Fat that is, not gay or anything.

Ian in Northampton at 9:11:0 Thursday September 30 99
It's all right for you lucky bastards who can get Channel 5: out in the wilds of Northamptonshire, all we see is snow - and it's fuzzy snow at that.

Mahoolah at 9:2:25 Thursday September 30 99
365's Guide To The Day's Essential Viewing And Listening PICK OF THE DAY NK Osijek v West Ham UEFA Cup Live at 7.30pm on Channel 5 Harry's Hammers go into this UEFA Cup game three goals to the good from the first leg. However, flying out to Croatia on the back of two successive Premiership defeats and a defensive injury crisis suggests the team will need to be focused to avoid putting their fans through a nervous evening. Channel 5 commentary comes from the somewhat excitable Jonathan Pearce. Fingers crossed for an action-packed match, because it's being repeated at 1.35am (Fri). If you can't get to a TV, you can always follow the match live with Football365 here

Mahoolah at 8:52:18 Thursday September 30 99
Scan have revealed that the chilean one has no ligament damage, but a bit of a bruise.

Tony at 8:50:42 Thursday September 30 99
I thought Margas was going to be out for another two weeks (ish)

Mike the Hammer at 8:49:14 Thursday September 30 99
2 days 'til my hols,and 8 days 'til my birthday.On my return I shall try and arrange a venue where we can all meet up and partake in the pleasures of alcohol and food. As for tonight,Rio,Potts & Stimac,with Margas coming on for Rio at some stage.With 2 players coming back from injury,I don't think Harry will start them both.

Newdesk at 8:18:3 Thursday September 30 99
Lampard set for full cap By Ian Gibb The name of Frank Lampard was missing from the England Under 21 squad announced yesterday, fuelling rumours that the West Ham midfielder will be awarded his first full England cap against Belgium on Sunday week. The 21-year-old has been outstanding for the young England side but has been left out of their squad to face Denmark at Bradford City's Valley Parade two days before the senior international. Lampard said recently: 'Kevin Keegan explained to me why I have not been in the squad before and I have just kept trying to do my best.'

Mahoolah at 8:17:0 Thursday September 30 99
There are so many birthdays in september! Its all that shagging that goes on over christmas and new year. Potts or Margas tonight in the back 3 ? I'd go for Margas I reckon. His attitude and ability have impressed me since he's been back at the club. If he plays, he might even scorer one tonight, i think. Potts still good to come on for the last 20 though.

Dazza at 7:48:21 Thursday September 30 99
HEllo boys and girls....sadly my internet conection at work has bee nwiped out completely now so there will be no more posting s from me during he hours of 8-4.30, any contribution from me will now be in teh bloody evenings when no bugger is on........anyone in teh Boleyn on Sunday?????? The arse is my birthday game so I'll be in there for a quick pint...see yer!!

OLW in 100 ACRE WOOD at 7:46:9 Thursday September 30 99
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EEYORE!!!

Mike the Hammer at 7:37:29 Thursday September 30 99
COME ON U RIP ROARING GOAL SCORING IRONS ( As opposed to the stupid bleedin' goal conceding ones of last season)

Paolo at 17:57:11 Wednesday September 29 99
My last day as a 45 year old slowly ebbs away (sob) - please Harry let's have something to cheer about tomorrow, I'm going to need it!

Rob at 17:41:29 Wednesday September 29 99
Barca, Barca, do the job!!!!

Rob at 17:33:52 Wednesday September 29 99
TRIO BACK IN ACTION. The Hammers welcome back defenders Rio Ferdinand, Neil Ruddock and Javier Margas as they prepare for their latest UEFA Cup adventure. The returning trio have given Harry Redknapp a boost ahead of the first-round, second-leg tie with NK Osijek. While not fully match-fit, all three could figure in the game which the Hammers lead by 3-0 from the first tie at Upton Park two weeks ago. The most surprising recovery has come from West Ham's Chilean international. It had been feared the player had damaged knee cartilage in the defeat at Everton, but after a scan the 30-year-old defender has been given the okay to play on. "The knee is no problem. I am one hundred percent now," he explained. "I trained normally yesterday so it's a Harry Redknapp decision." In a show of allegiance to the club after a troubled year, Javier sported claret and blue hair for the first-leg. But he has now gone back to his natural colour: "I was very happy to wear the colours of West Ham because of the special fans," said Javier. "Maybe I'll do it again in a month, maybe two."

Rob at 17:21:32 Wednesday September 29 99
Quizmaster: no I fucking ain't.

Quizmaster at 17:16:51 Wednesday September 29 99
Tony Blair or William Hague ? Discuss please

Quizmaster at 17:15:36 Wednesday September 29 99
That wasn't me earlier Doddy. You are fat though are you not ?

Tony Blair at 16:54:32 Wednesday September 29 99
"Liberating the talent of the people is the nation's only hope of salvation." "a society that treats us all equally, where the closed doors of snobbery and prejudice, ignorance and poverty, fear and injustice no longer bar our way to fulfilment, and above all, more money to help West Ham's appalling defensive injury crisis"

Hannah at 16:43:7 Wednesday September 29 99
oh by the way Happy birthday Steve. Birthday kiss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TIW at 16:42:40 Wednesday September 29 99
And i dont mean in the crutch area!.

Mahoolah at 16:42:35 Wednesday September 29 99
Marc Overmars has described Jim Smith as the Premiership manager most similar to Louis van Gaal - the Barcelona manager who Overmars calls "a genius". The Dutch ace, speaking in an interview ahead of tonight's game against Barca in the Nou Camp, says of van Gaal: "He's a genius - he have to know him to realise what he's like. "He is like Jim Smith at Derby, shouting and talking alot. When I was young he used to hammer me. "But he also puts so much into you, telling you things you don't forget. A man like that can give you so much confidence." Overmars played under van Gaal at Ajax four years ago, when the club beat AC Milan to win the European Cup.

Mahoolah at 16:42:26 Wednesday September 29 99
That Marc Overmars, He's a daft bastard.

TIW at 16:41:59 Wednesday September 29 99
Spurs are putting in a bid for Carbone, him and Ginola could be quite a handfull.

Steve in the bar at work at 16:33:19 Wednesday September 29 99
Paolo: Methinks you're right. Hannah: Have a great time. Everyone: I'm off in a minute for birthday sherbert. Ta to those who wished me HB. In the words of the immortal Griff: "It's beer o'clock & I'm off".

Mahoolah at 16:23:18 Wednesday September 29 99
What she said X 10

Hannah at 16:22:44 Wednesday September 29 99
COME ON YOU IRONS !!!!!

Robert at 16:21:43 Wednesday September 29 99
Hannah, GOOD LUCK. Hope you have a superb couple of days. xxx.

Robert at 16:20:53 Wednesday September 29 99
Lee, this site has always (ever since I stepped foot in the doorway in November 1997) been one of mental preportions. If you want football talk, the Hole is still normal.

Mahoolah at 16:19:23 Wednesday September 29 99
'Banal Tripe'. Is that what they sell in the tottering Shitspurs snack bar?

Hannah at 16:16:44 Wednesday September 29 99
right lads - wish me luck for tomorrow.I hope that i don't step on a land mine or anything. Robert - thanx for my e-mail. I'm so bloody excited I could be sick !! I shall think of you all and sing my heart out. loads of love Hannah xxx

lee of thfc in in the great north london, not essex at 16:16:38 Wednesday September 29 99
Jesus - have you lot lost the plot??? An oasis of football knowledge, albeit most of it flawed, has metamorphasised into a desert of banal tripe. What's up 'Appy 'Ammers, you all going insane??

Mahoolah at 16:8:52 Wednesday September 29 99
It depends what sort of mood I'm in really. If I'm in my footie fan mood, I'll read all the previews, do the net equivalent of 'soaking up the atmosphere', get the beers in, and hope for a fluent flowing game which we attack all the time, but they score first on the break, then we score and so on. The press say 'what a fine game of footie', we make friends with the croats, the fans on the terraces applaud each other and the teams at the end of the game and Harry learns 'Thanks for the game, to be fair, they did well for the first twenty minutes' in croat and instantly becomes britains new ambassador for football in croatia. But if I'm in my 'West Ham are in Europe Fucking hell Fucking hell' mood, It's more likely I'll be hoping that Harry has deployed 6 across the back, kill the game, and not give a hoot about how the watching European audience might percieve english and East End football. West Ham concede 1 goal on 79 minutes, just as Jonathan Pearce says 'West Ham, now, looking comfortable at the back,".

Paolo at 16:8:20 Wednesday September 29 99
Steve - I think it was just someone being silly (what, on Alf's?), quite cleverly done though. There are obviosly one or two people on here with rather too much time on their hands!

Steve at 16:5:21 Wednesday September 29 99
Re youths: Nothing on Bloomberg, Teamfibs or Soccerupdate.

Jaques Brel at 16:1:7 Wednesday September 29 99
Ne me Quitte pas, Ne me Quitte pas, ne me quitte pas. Moi je t'offrirai le perles de pluire...... Zat wun was for you, Alvin. I 'ope you find love again, sometime, somwhere.........

Rob at 15:58:34 Wednesday September 29 99
Mahoolah: don't give up just yet! OK, how do yo think we should play tomorrow? a) come out and score again, meaning they have to get 5, and meaning that we're through, or b) sit back and let them score a goal in each half?

Alvin Kallicharan at 15:57:45 Wednesday September 29 99
Don't worry Mahoolah, things will get better. You wait and see. When I was facing Terry Alderman back in 86, and he'd just hit me on the elbow, I felt like giving up there and then. But I thought of my wifem, and it gave me hope to carry on. And I ended up scoring 38 runs before I was out, caught in the covers off an Allan border top spinner. He didn't get many wickets, but when he did they were good ones! My wife's left me now. I spent too much time on my PC looking for news about my two favourite things : West Ham and Jaques Brel.

Rob at 15:56:39 Wednesday September 29 99
What do you mean?

Mahoolah at 15:54:11 Wednesday September 29 99
Well I tried it with the footie chat...... Internet romance is still the no.1 topic

Ian in Northampton at 15:52:5 Wednesday September 29 99
Paolo: sorry, which of those is Rob? (Sorry Rob...)

Paolo at 15:48:34 Wednesday September 29 99
I have a cartoon stuck on the wall behind me that I think someone sent me over the net. It features two blokes chatting to each other over the net. The first - thick looking bloke, muscles, tattoos, glasses - is typing "My long blond hair is flowing over my breasts, my red lips are moist...." The second - weedy bloke in a vest - is replying, "Oh Rita, my powerful black body is quivering with desire. I want you now!"...............Sort of sums it up, doesn't it?

Rob at 15:44:24 Wednesday September 29 99
OK I'll do it.

Phil Parkes in at Jewsons at 15:42:13 Wednesday September 29 99
I'll play and Shaka can defend

Mahoolah at 15:39:22 Wednesday September 29 99
Well you're the last sub then!

Rob at 15:28:30 Wednesday September 29 99
I am fucking fit.

TIW at 15:25:1 Wednesday September 29 99
FYI there was nothing on using the youths in the report I read.

TIW at 15:23:31 Wednesday September 29 99
He's fitter than Rudduck!

Mahoolah at 15:19:16 Wednesday September 29 99
Well, are you fit enough?

Rob at 15:18:4 Wednesday September 29 99
Me?

Mahoolah at 15:15:49 Wednesday September 29 99
DOH! That was meant to be Lampard at CM. Thought Lampard, Typed Ferdinand. Who else for the subs bench then?

Baldrick Redknapp at 15:13:17 Wednesday September 29 99
I have a cunning plan!

Rob at 15:12:23 Wednesday September 29 99
Mahoolah: We only have one Ferdinand on our books. Seven subs are allowed in Europe.

Mahoolah at 15:12:16 Wednesday September 29 99
Where's all this news coming from??

TIW at 15:11:19 Wednesday September 29 99
Who said Ruddock was injured, he's in the squad for tommorow. Lets hope the plane is carrying too much weight and they have to leave him behind.

Mahoolah at 15:10:41 Wednesday September 29 99
Staring XI for footie, Starting XV for rugby, seems normal to me. I think its what they used in public schools to wirte the teams on the blackboard. Caught on the same way as 'soccer' did. So forbes is a CB, we all know what cole is, carrick is a midfileder and newton a wingback. Right that gives us a team of : GK Hislop, RWB Newton, CB Forbes, CB Ferdinand, CB Stimac, LWB Sinclair, CM Carrick, CM Ferdinand, HOLE Cole, FFW Wanchope, FW Dicanio SUBS : Potts, Moncur, Holligan, Foe, Kitson, Forrest

Vic the Gooner in in a secret location checking Dustin Hoffmans root canal job. at 15:3:50 Wednesday September 29 99
Is it safe?

Basinhead at 15:1:13 Wednesday September 29 99
I can't get my head round why Harry won't bring Hooligan in too now Wrighty's out.

Rob at 15:0:29 Wednesday September 29 99
Forbes is a centre-back.

Rob at 15:0:16 Wednesday September 29 99
Prick posting as me: STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Basinhead at 14:58:40 Wednesday September 29 99
No i still cant get my head round it. Starting XI sounds funny to me.

Mahoolah at 14:56:38 Wednesday September 29 99
Where does forbes play anyway? Is he a midfielder?

Trev at 14:56:4 Wednesday September 29 99
clit'oris n.small erectile part of female genitals...QUALITY!

Alvin Kallicharan in trouble for being tredious again (unlike most of the schtuff on the page) at 14:54:21 Wednesday September 29 99
I was a top player, yes. But if only I were as good a lover as doddy, I might still be with my wife.

Dr Frobisher at 14:53:42 Wednesday September 29 99
Fyi Robert: clit'oris n.small erectile part of female genitals.

Mahoolah at 14:53:4 Wednesday September 29 99
A squad of 16 from which the starting XI might be picked. It differentiates those who are in the squad and those in the team.

MIke the Hammer go in g on holiday on Saturday at 14:52:46 Wednesday September 29 99
Few strange monikers doing the rounds today....hannah,congrats if it is true.Diddy Doddy Daddy? Bloody quick if he is.Pleasure to hear from you Alvin.Top player.

Basinhead at 14:50:40 Wednesday September 29 99
What else would we start with?

Trev at 14:49:18 Wednesday September 29 99
Siggy ist im Wien. In der Central Friedhof au diese Stadt....quality.

Tev at 14:49:12 Wednesday September 29 99
Siggy ist im Wien. In der Central Friedhof au diese Stadt....quality.

Robert at 14:48:14 Wednesday September 29 99
It came from a reliable source, the voices inside my head, i always here them and they usually prove correct.

Siggy at 14:47:52 Wednesday September 29 99
Und, ja, ich bin tot.

Mahoolah at 14:47:6 Wednesday September 29 99
Alvin Kallicharan strange and tedious? Really? I shan't let him have a go in future. Can anyone tell me where the youth story is from?

Siggy the sychologist at 14:45:41 Wednesday September 29 99
Siggy ist im Wien. In der Central Friedhof au diese Stadt.

Mahoolah at 14:44:48 Wednesday September 29 99
Why is that strange?

Basinhead at 14:43:40 Wednesday September 29 99
The starting XI? Strange use of words that.

Sky News Update at 14:43:39 Wednesday September 29 99
The fiancee of Robert Dodd, Infamous animal lover and Bishop basher is to be a father. His beautiful Fiancee, Miss Hannah Thomas -Cook has confirmed that the heir to the Dodd Estate of Doddinghurst is due in June 2000. Mr.Dodd has told of his elation at the prospect of fatherhood." I didn't know I had it in me " he said. " Neither did I " quoted Miss Thomas - Cook.

Mahoolah at 14:43:39 Wednesday September 29 99
And has this 'Harry using kids' story confirmed? Where from?

Siggy at 14:43:28 Wednesday September 29 99
Mahoolah isn't me but he could be any of these strange but tedious creations below. Minky whale, Alvin Kallicharan etc all seem to inhabit Mahoolah's planet.

Mahoolah at 14:43:10 Wednesday September 29 99
I thought Siggy was also a famous psychologist and dead.

Mahoolah at 14:41:56 Wednesday September 29 99
HHmmm..... I've not taken part since 11.04.32 until Alvin Kallicharan had his twopennoth...

Adam at 14:41:26 Wednesday September 29 99
great to see the kids in at last, what does everyone think the starting XI will be?

Hannah at 14:39:36 Wednesday September 29 99
Ian - Siggy is not even in the U.K And he's a sweetie xxx

Hannah at 14:38:51 Wednesday September 29 99
I knew Harry would use some of the kids !! I reckon we'll see some good football tomorrow night

Ian in Northampton at 14:38:23 Wednesday September 29 99
Speaking of Mahoolah - where dat man gone? Long time no Mahoolah. Methinks Siggy IS Mahoolah, but an abbreviated version....

Siggy at 14:36:29 Wednesday September 29 99
The trouble with this site is too much Mahoolah, too little Paolo.

Tyrrel Forbes at 14:35:28 Wednesday September 29 99
I did my hamstring in training so I won't be playing!

Alvin Kallicharan in bat at 14:33:35 Wednesday September 29 99
Dat rob, boy does he have the ladys flitting around him like little moths round a little lightbulb.

Thomas in doubt at 14:32:6 Wednesday September 29 99
Well lets face it how likely is it? Would harry do that when the main news on the official page is 'job still to be done' despite a 3 - 0 lead blah blah blah. I sometimes wonder if Harry exists at all.

Rob at 14:30:41 Wednesday September 29 99
NBB, I still don't believen it's you. What first one? I think I know what you're on about, but I'm not 100% sure.

Mick at 14:30:32 Wednesday September 29 99
Quality stuff. like it. Quality.............Oh yeah, cooking, wicked.

Rob at 14:29:50 Wednesday September 29 99
Kosher? Fuck knows. I didn't write it.

Thomas in doubt. at 14:29:37 Wednesday September 29 99
Whats all that youth bollocks from. I don't believe a word of it I'll have you know. Unless anyone can supply the adress it was pasted from we will have to treat it as top class arse speak.

Trev at 14:26:25 Wednesday September 29 99
I don't know whether I feel elated or nervous!....ha ha nice one, quality. Quality stuff. like it. Quality.

Siggy at 14:25:32 Wednesday September 29 99
Anyone wanna talk footy by any chance?

Paolo at 14:23:2 Wednesday September 29 99
Bugger me - is that youth stuff kosher? I don't know whether I feel elated or nervous! Good on H if it is true.

Paolo at 14:21:19 Wednesday September 29 99
Is it safe?

NBB at 14:21:17 Wednesday September 29 99
Goona trash ? defend me Rob darling !!

Robert at 14:20:12 Wednesday September 29 99
REDKNAPP GIVES YOUTH A CHANCE Harry Redknapp is looking back to the future in Osijek on Thursday night. Redknapp is backing the talent of 4 teenagers to ease his worries about injuries and tiredness. Wonderkid Joe Cole, Michael Carrick, Adam Newton and Tyrrel Forbes have all been guarenteed a starting place by the Hammers Boss. The four were all part of West Ham's record breaking Youth team of 1998-1999 and with the addition of the fit again Rio Ferdinand and Frank Lampard the team has a youthful look to it.

Yossa at 14:19:20 Wednesday September 29 99
No goone trash saying is it safe today thank god vic real needs a new catchphrase how about my wife left me my kids hate me but at least ive found love with marc overmars

NBB at 14:18:27 Wednesday September 29 99
Rob, you know me babe, anywhere where there men, apart from that first one, you know who

Minky Whale in the deep blue yonder at 14:16:56 Wednesday September 29 99
WWheeeeoooowwwwwwwwww. Weeeeeeoeoooooooooowwwwwwww. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiieeeeeoooooooooooooooowwwww

RSPCA at 14:16:1 Wednesday September 29 99
chicken alert ! chicken alert!!

Rob at 14:14:36 Wednesday September 29 99
What sex? How far are you in? I can hardly contain myself. I'm welling up here...

Gufflink at 14:14:14 Wednesday September 29 99
No he's goign to be a DODDY

Rob at 14:13:24 Wednesday September 29 99
Quizmaster: I have dark brown hair, and I'm neither fat, thick or a bigot.

Hannah at 14:12:47 Wednesday September 29 99
Robert darling - just thought i'd let you know - YOU ARE GOING TO BE A DADDY

Lardy Right Wing Skinhead on tour at 14:12:31 Wednesday September 29 99
It Is a load of OLD BollOCKs. That Keith bloke ort to go back to were he came form the stupid bastard

Rob at 14:10:22 Wednesday September 29 99
What a load of bollocks from Keith Vindaloo. Anyone who has been with England away will know that's a load of pony.

Rob at 14:8:23 Wednesday September 29 99
NBB, I believe you. How did you get the address for this site luv?

PA News at 14:3:36 Wednesday September 29 99
Dodds City- Entertainer, Ken Dodd is bringing a copywrite case against his now infamous young nephew Robert Dodd. The younger Mr Dodd has been filling the tabloid pages lately following his Knighthood that was rescinded within twentyfour hours after he was caught in his office toilets choking a chicken, also, womanising and the unprovoked attack on a Bishop. Mr Robert Dodd, who has appeared on television on numerous occasions had been booked to sing his new single, We are the diddy men of Doddinghurst, on the Little but large show to be broadcast on October 21st. Mr Ken Dodd is quoted as saying " If the taxman cant make any money out of me, nor can the little shit from Essex!"

Hannah at 14:0:18 Wednesday September 29 99
its natural !!

Ian in Northampton at 13:56:43 Wednesday September 29 99
I'm a boy, I'm a boy but my ma won't admit it... ...If I say I am, I get it

Siggy at 13:45:21 Wednesday September 29 99
Hannah: "Pucker" is something you do with your lips. You meant "Pukka".

Siggy at 13:43:30 Wednesday September 29 99
I want to come home all covered in mud. Cut myself and see my blood. Or vice versa.

Paolo at 13:40:42 Wednesday September 29 99
That last Paolo wasn't me. I am not the least interested in whether or not Hannah's hair is natural. Blonde equals trouble, natural or out of a bottle.

NNB at 13:40:19 Wednesday September 29 99
=Not Northbank Bird!!

Quizmaster at 13:40:3 Wednesday September 29 99
'Vindaloo' writer Keith puts his finger on the spot when he says of England away trips: "You tend to end up with the most extreme right-wing, bigoted fat c***s in the whole world, who are as thick as s***." Straight off F365, Anyone we know guys ? possibly short statured, blondy with glasses ? Hmmmmmmmm

NBB at 13:39:16 Wednesday September 29 99
North Bank Bird

NNB at 13:36:36 Wednesday September 29 99
You dont believe me!!! North Bank Bird of course you little Honey XXXXXXX

Rob at 13:35:54 Wednesday September 29 99
H: Wedding? Sure babe.

Rob at 13:35:15 Wednesday September 29 99
NBB, prove who who are. What do those letters stand for?

NBB at 13:29:29 Wednesday September 29 99
So Doddy you're into blonds now, I'm not good enough ?

Paolo at 13:22:20 Wednesday September 29 99
Hannah, is your hair dyed blonde or real blonde

Hannah at 13:21:27 Wednesday September 29 99
Robert - that would be pucker !! Anyway - are we still on for the wedding ???

Hannah at 13:20:43 Wednesday September 29 99
Where are todays news reports from sky and Reuters ??

Rob at 13:17:48 Wednesday September 29 99
Hannah, we'll look out for you. Do you still want me to tape it for you?

Rob at 13:16:36 Wednesday September 29 99
Why 4pm? Because the 4 biggest teams in London are playing in the same city on the same day. They've changed us to 4 because the Totts are playing at 3. There isn't so much of a problem us and Chelsea playing at the same time because we're on opposite end sof the city ie. East and West. Totts kick off at 3 to avoid the other two games.

Hannah at 12:52:14 Wednesday September 29 99
oi - you lot - let me putthe record straight. 5ft 4 ins tall, long blonde hair, fat arse and should be wearing a white away shirt with Hannah 69 on it. Depending on the weather, my bristols may make an appearance ( if i feel like it and the Hammers fans sing loud enough )

Paolo at 12:47:7 Wednesday September 29 99
Why?

CONFIRMATION at 12:43:3 Wednesday September 29 99
F.A. Carling Premiership. Sunday, 3rd October 1999. West Ham United v Arsenal. Kick off 4pm.

Paolo at 12:35:6 Wednesday September 29 99
Can anyone confirm that the Arse game starts at 4pm? I know it's not on Sky, but that's the time they gave in the last programme.

Paolo at 12:34:8 Wednesday September 29 99
Happy Birthday Steve! It's mine tomorrow - you think you've got problems, I'm 46!!

Steve at 11:55:39 Wednesday September 29 99
Hmm. Apparently we have a French right back on trial, guy called Romarin Billong (St. Etienne). Have we signed Chucks Nwoko yet? We should, just for the name. BTW did you know I share my birthday with Les Sealey? (And Darren Byfield, Tore Pedersen, Kelvin Davies & Patrick Agyemang).

Rob at 11:43:49 Wednesday September 29 99
Me too (probably).

Adam at 11:38:16 Wednesday September 29 99
Dont forget the U-18's have been picked and are playing a tournament on the same day. Is anyone going to West Ham next week for England V Spain. I will be there.

Rob at 11:36:36 Wednesday September 29 99
Lampard must surely be in the next full squad then? I cannot believe Newton has got in. Wilko has finally lost it.

Mike the Hammer in disbelief at 11:35:37 Wednesday September 29 99
Newton has been transferred to totts,and Lampard has joined them as well?

Adam at 11:33:34 Wednesday September 29 99
Adam Newton is in the England Under 21 squad, Lamprad is not, what does that mean?

Siggy at 11:21:11 Wednesday September 29 99
It's long. Ian meant she is short. She also told me she is "nothing special" to look at. Which hardly bodes well. Still, if she gets her Bristols out and presses them through the wire fencing as promised, we won't be looking at her boat race!

Rob at 11:18:25 Wednesday September 29 99
Short or long hair? Come on, which is it?!!!!

Siggy at 11:12:43 Wednesday September 29 99
Rob: she's got long blonde hair, a fair complexion and a fat arse. She'll be wearing a shirt with HANNAH 69 on it. Should make her easy to spot.

Ian in Northampton at 11:10:52 Wednesday September 29 99
Rob: do I recall a big arse (not that I guess we'd be able to see) - I think that's what she said. Short, blond hair? Small son? (but I guess he won't be there).

Rob at 11:8:16 Wednesday September 29 99
Hannah: it might be an idea for you to tell us what you look like. Otherwise we'll be looking at 400 Hammers with not a clue what you're like. So far, we have: 5ft 4. Er... that's it.

Nabakov at 11:4:32 Wednesday September 29 99
These are my books : . Mary (1926, 1970) King, Queen, Knave (1928, 1968) The Defense (1930, 1964) Glory (1932, 1971) Laughter in the Dark (1933, 1960) Despair (1934, 1937; revised 1966) The Gift (1937-38, 1963) Invitation to a Beheading (1938, 1959) The Eye (1938, 1965) The Enchanter (1939, 1986) The Real Life of Sebastian Knight (1941) "Ultima Thule" (Solus Rex, 1942) Bend Sinister (1947) Lolita (1955) Pnin (1957) Pale Fire (1962) Ada (1969) Transparent Things (1972) Look at the Harlequins! (1974)

Siggy at 11:4:31 Wednesday September 29 99
Hi Hannah

Siggy at 11:4:28 Wednesday September 29 99
Hi Hannah

Hannah at 11:1:59 Wednesday September 29 99
morning all. I don't reckon i'll be in here much toady , so if i'm not in again, enjoy tomorow's match and make sure you watch out for me on TV !!!

Siggy at 10:52:29 Wednesday September 29 99
Classic case history of child-love that shows that paedophilia can literally be so.

Siggy at 10:47:18 Wednesday September 29 99
Lolita's one

Ady at 10:37:47 Wednesday September 29 99
that's the idea. Theres dozens of these things. Three books by nabakov, filling in lines by Blake (Rose thou art sick), what year was agincort, where was olympics in 1912, i'll be here all day

Ian in Northampton at 10:33:30 Wednesday September 29 99
Mahoolah: 'true' was in response to your previous posting - obviously. And would you like to share with us your thoughts on people who spread the word of god from brightly-painted minibuses (which do not sell kebabs)?

Ian in Northampton at 10:31:52 Wednesday September 29 99
Mahoolah: true - but it is believed that there was a historical context i.e. it was based on a true story/event.

Mahoolah at 10:31:42 Wednesday September 29 99
Although many Christians latch on to it to show how triumphant and wonderful it is when you spread the word of god.

Ian in Northampton at 10:30:52 Wednesday September 29 99
Ady: Edward VI: 1547 - 1553 (see http://www.cidadevirtual.pt/poge/kings/pag3.html)

Mahoolah at 10:30:10 Wednesday September 29 99
The author never reveals just what the good news was that the rider carried.

CONFIRMATION at 10:27:13 Wednesday September 29 99
Worthington Cup 3rd Round. Wednesday, 13th October 1999. v AFC Bournemouth. Kick off 7.45pm.

Ian in Northampton at 10:24:47 Wednesday September 29 99
Hey Mahoolah (and the rest of you): Re "How they brought the good news from Ghent to Aix" by Robert Browning: 1. Who were Dirk and Joris? 2. What is the historical context of the poem? 3. What was the 'news'? Sorry to bore all y'all, but my boss knows I did Eng Lit and has emailed me the above questions (subject of a family 'discussion' apparently) from Tokyo, and I don't want to disappoint him (it being salary review time in a couple of months an' all).

Mike the Hammer at 10:22:7 Wednesday September 29 99
John Steinbeck wrote 'The Grapes of Wrath'

Mahoolah at 10:21:35 Wednesday September 29 99
Steinbeck, John : Grapes of Wrath

Ian in Northampton at 10:21:17 Wednesday September 29 99
Ady: Henry 9th (not really). John Steinbeck (really).

Siggy at 10:21:6 Wednesday September 29 99
Robert: check out the archive above. It's magic!

Mahoolah at 10:19:13 Wednesday September 29 99
Iceland : Rekjavic

Niki at 10:18:44 Wednesday September 29 99
Steve, Happy Birthday - have a lager beer for me! Roberto, it's almost Caister time - us chicks are leaving at about Midday on Friday and will pick you up in Doddsville on the way. All, it was a relief to get rid of all that crap - but if you must read it check the "archives" link above.

Ady at 10:14:37 Wednesday September 29 99
School internet thingy. Who can get the answers quicker

Ady at 10:14:3 Wednesday September 29 99
Or who wrote grapes of wrath

Ady in School at 10:13:27 Wednesday September 29 99
and what monarch succeeded Henry 8th?

Ady in school at 10:12:36 Wednesday September 29 99
quick: what's the capital of Iceland.

Yossa at 10:6:23 Wednesday September 29 99
Have a great time at the soul weekender anyone remember chris hill at the kings in seven kings. On a footy front thanks to my stupid purchase of ondigtal a while ago i can watch the arse vs barca match one that ive been quite looking forward to as a netural

Rob at 10:2:27 Wednesday September 29 99
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rob at 10:2:7 Wednesday September 29 99
A JOB TO DO. Despite having a 3-0 cushion from the first-leg, West Ham will be taking nothing for granted when they take on NK Osijek on Thursday night. The squad flies out to Croatia today focused on the job in hand. Harry Redknapp will be particularly keen on avoiding defeat in the return tie after suffering two successive Premiership defeats. That message has been rammed home to the players, as Frank Lampard explained: "We don't want to sit back and invite lots of pressure, we'll try and play our usual game. We won't be kamikaze, it's about being solid. "If we don't concede any goals we'll go through, so that will be our first aim. But it would be nice to go and beat them on their home turf. The main thing is to do a professional job." Frank will certainly be hoping for a repeat of the first-leg at Upton Park a fortnight ago. The industrious midfielder grabbed the third goal in an impressive all-round performance. With the current injury situation at the club, it's likely Harry will start the match with the side that was defeated at Coventry on Saturday.

Steve wonder in g as it's my birthday shall I buy a nice cake to e at 10:1:16 Wednesday September 29 99
It's me birfday today. Forty feckin' one. Depressing or what?!

Rob at 9:58:38 Wednesday September 29 99
PIPPED AT THE POST. The Hammers missed out on signing Kieron Dyer in the summer after the club's offer of £5.5m fell just short of Ipswich Town's valuation. Harry Redknapp has revealed he was close to signing the young wing-back, who has made a sensational start to his Premiership career with Newcastle since making the £6m move from Portman Road. Now a fully-fledged England international, his value has already soared in just a few months. "We just missed out really but we should have had Kieron Dyer here," Harry said. "We were five hundred grand short and when you look at it, he's worth an awful lot more than that now. "I spoke to the boy and he was very keen to come to West Ham at the time." Harry was reflecting on the Dyer situation in light of his current defensive difficulties. The Hammers have Stuart Pearce and Ian Pearce on the long-term casualty list, while Rio Ferdinand, Neil Ruddock and Scott Minto are yet to fully recover from their respective problems.

Rob at 9:53:54 Wednesday September 29 99
I mis-read the question. Honest. The fella who won lives down my best mate's road!!!

Ian in Northampton at 9:45:2 Wednesday September 29 99
Rob: I'll give you this one, but not the next one. The answer is "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". I'm sure the real Rob would have known that... And you're right, you don't. Know that I'm me, I mean.

Rob at 9:36:40 Wednesday September 29 99
Sorry, meant Ian i N.

Rob at 9:36:8 Wednesday September 29 99
What is the fucking answer then?!!!!! Anyway, how do we know you are the real Ian f N? We don't.

Ian in Northampton at 9:35:1 Wednesday September 29 99
Sorry, Rob - wrong answer. You are therefore declared an imposter.

Robert at 9:22:22 Wednesday September 29 99
Alf: that's right, me and a mate of mine are going to Caister with Vicki and Niki. Can't wait. For the music, you understand...

Rob at 9:20:41 Wednesday September 29 99
Er... The People of Doddsville?

Robert hop in g the old stuff isn't erased forever at 9:20:3 Wednesday September 29 99
Niki, have all those old messages been wiped for good? I hope not. Is there anyway you can retrieve them? P.S. Only 2 days to Caister!!!!!!!!!

Ian in Northampton at 9:16:36 Wednesday September 29 99
G'morning Robert. Is that really you? Prove it: your home village currently has a resident made famous by a TV program. Which TV program?

Robert at 9:14:57 Wednesday September 29 99
I AM HERE.

Ian in Northampton at 9:5:43 Wednesday September 29 99
Mahoolah, g'morning. Anyone? Or No-one?

Mahoolah at 8:57:29 Wednesday September 29 99
Nayone who has a soundcard should paste this link to their adress box, press enter and choose 'Open from current location'. Do it now! Now!http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Bluffs/8111/monkey/opening.wav

Mahoolah at 8:48:25 Wednesday September 29 99
It was actually Ghandhara, but thats what I sang as a child monkey.

Mahoolah in Condorra, Condorra at 8:41:2 Wednesday September 29 99
**SingS** In Condoorr Condorra, they said it was in India, Condorra, Condorra, The land of the freeeeeee

Mike the Hammer at 8:21:50 Wednesday September 29 99
How's your magic cloud Mahoolah,me Mandarin mammal martial arts mate?

Siggy at 8:18:44 Wednesday September 29 99
one goal each tomorrow. Take it from the Doctor.

Mahoolah at 8:12:53 Wednesday September 29 99
I am a Monkey this morning and as such I cannot type very well.

Kristian in in Oslo, a colder a windier (sic!) place..... at 7:43:47 Wednesday September 29 99
A blank page! Couldn`t resist, gotta type. 2 straight losses, a lot of injuries, what the hell are the Hammers fielding today. Scrape through, pls. Prediction: 3-2..... Robert; yer going to do what??

Mke the Hammer at 6:59:21 Wednesday September 29 99
Morning all. 3 more days 'til holiday.

Siggy at 6:30:9 Wednesday September 29 99
bloody hell, what happened to the stuff I put up yesterday? I was awaiting an urgen treply. Did it come? Did it not? Will I ever know!

Alf at 22:45:31 Tuesday September 28 99
OK lads and lasses, a blank canvas for you to start your bleedin' rabbitin' again! You bloody shirkers should be proud to be working with all them millions unemployed 'steda wastin' all your bloody time on 'ere!!! Young Robert, what's this I 'ear you're taking those luverly Hammer birds, Vickie and Niki, on a dirty weekend in a caravan in Great Yarmouth on Friday. Go on my son!! If only I was twenty years younger I'd be in there myself.

Come on you Irons 1999