Archive - 20/10/99 to 27/10/99

Harry are you listening, Harry are you listening, da da da da, da da da da.

If you have anything to say about West Ham, good or bad, put your comment in below. The only rule is that you are not abusive to any of the other contributors (excluding constructive criticism). Everyone has a right to their opinion! KEEP VISITING THE MOANS PAGE. Cheers lads and lasses.

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Archive - 6/11/99 to 29/11/99

Niki at 21:14:2 Monday November 29 99
Is there an echo in here? Daz, I'll give you 5p and a tip in the Prediction League!

Dazza at 19:11:47 Monday November 29 99
Niki, If I bring me camera to the Man U game and take yer photo will you pay me a fiver to put it on the net???

Dazza at 19:11:0 Monday November 29 99
Niki, If I bring me camera to the Man U game and take yer photo will you pay me a fiver to put it on the net???

Gary at 17:28:31 Monday November 29 99
Adam, I'm genuinely disapointed at your comments re Spurs. As a Spurs fan I've always had great time for West Ham-I think both our clubs have a lot in common, particularly in relation to our traditions for good football,as well as the fact we both have Arseholes for chairmen.

Gary at 17:28:23 Monday November 29 99
Adam, I'm genuinely disapointed at your comments re Spurs. As a Spurs fan I've always had great time for West Ham-I think both our clubs have a lot in common, particularly in relation to our traditions for good football,as well as the fact we both have Arseholes for chairmen.

Mahoolah at 17:27:28 Monday November 29 99
Busy? Busy? BUSY

Niki at 16:26:24 Monday November 29 99
IiN, I think I answered that in my last but one posting. You pay a fiver and they e-mail you and up to 5 others the high quality picture without the watermark. I can put it through Photoshop if I want when I get it.

Mike the Hammer at 15:50:39 Monday November 29 99
Niki,see you tomorrow. Speak to you all on Thursday.

Mike the Hammer at 15:19:31 Monday November 29 99
Got it now.Cheers Niki!

Ian in Northampton at 15:10:23 Monday November 29 99
Niki: very cool. Do you have the option to purchase the electronic image? - then you could make multiple copies, 'enhance' it (e.g. the guy with red-eye), email it to your friends etc. etc.

Niki at 15:8:7 Monday November 29 99
If you search from www.e-photomail.com - go to Sports - West Ham game - 27/11/99 at 16.30 and it's number 8168

Niki at 15:6:44 Monday November 29 99
I'm the one on the right. Vickie is obscured. As a sucker for all innovative internet ideas I have bought the full hi-res version for £5 and they mail you and up to 5 other people for no extra charge. Cool.

Mike the Hammer at 15:4:53 Monday November 29 99
Hmmmm,why did my screen go completely white?????

Ian in Northampton at 14:55:32 Monday November 29 99
Niki: not being one of the crowd, you'll have to excuse this question: which one are you? The one I can see, or the one who's obscured by the logo? The guy at the back could use being passed through Adobe PhotoShop....

Niki at 14:51:51 Monday November 29 99
Afternoon everyone! Top result on Saturday. Vickie and I, and the Lower West lads, had our photo taken in the Boleyn after the game. The photographer gave us a card with instructions on how to find the picture on the web - http://www.e-photomail.com/cgi-bin/display_watermark.pl?id=8168 How fab is that? Morning Mike, I'm looking forward to the rescheduled Pie and Mash and a Pint trip tomorrow.

Mike the Hammer at 14:47:7 Monday November 29 99
Looks a decent side to me.Chances of this being starting side against totts = 0

Adam at 14:29:48 Monday November 29 99
As everyone knows Dec 6th is the most important match of the season, the 2nd time we play Tottenham (the game everyone remembers until the next time we play them). Coming from North London and being faced by their horrible fans this is especially important for me. This is the team I would play against the Scum from N17: Hislop; Keller, Rio, Margas, Stimac, Minto; Lampard, Lomas, Cole; Sinclair, Di Canio. Subs: Forrest,Charles,Moncur,Foe,Kitson. I would drop Wanchope entirely and put Sinclair upfront, bring Minto in as Left WingBack and switch Keller to Right WingBank, I thought about Charles at RWB but i dont think he is 100% match fit. Any Comments?

Ian in Northampton at 14:22:16 Monday November 29 99
Innocent: just someone who's about to transmogrify into Michael Portaloo, but hasn't quite realised it yet....

Innocent Child at 13:26:57 Monday November 29 99
Who is william hague?

Mike the Hammer at 13:24:23 Monday November 29 99
I too sang that in the mid 80's,but fortunately I have grown up enough to realise that is insulting,and so refrain from chanting it now.

yossa at 13:15:56 Monday November 29 99
Id rather be scouse than west lower scott in fact id rather be william hague than scott

Paolo at 13:9:13 Monday November 29 99
WLS - it's not funny, it's not clever, and it's very insulting to some of, so please just fuck off to another site.

Innocent Child at 13:1:1 Monday November 29 99
Whats a Pakki?

West Lower Scott at 12:51:16 Monday November 29 99
Well The Boss ( ALF ) has told me as I know her I can say what I like on Her site so I WOULD RATHER BE A PAKKI THAN A SCOUSE.......Watch this space for my Bollocking...

Adam at 12:20:32 Monday November 29 99
or the song "We want Paul Kitson on"

Paolo at 12:10:9 Monday November 29 99
Max respect to Griff - just checked last week's predictions and Griff had us down to beat Liverpool 6-0! I've just been to get a sandwich and one of the chiller cabinet's alarm was going off - and it was playingthe first three notes from 'Paolo Di Canio'!

Mike the Hammer,wonder in g if anyone asked him to say th at 12:3:33 Monday November 29 99
Updated 11:06am LAY OFF WANCHOPE URGES COLE Joe Cole has told West Ham's fans to stop barracking team-mate Paulo Wanchope. The Costa Rican striker was jeered during the Upton Park win over Liverpool and confronted the fans when he was substituted late in the second half. The £3.5m signing from Derby has scored three Premiership goals in 14 matches. Teenage star Cole said: "The fans should lay off Paulo. They pay their money and they're entitled to voice their opinion but it's not helping his confidence. He's a good lad and he works hard for the team. I think he's been doing well in recent games but he needs the crowd on his side." The 18-year-old believes that the Costa Rican will come good, and could help the Hammers get to a Cup Final at Wembley - starting on Tuesday night in the Worthington Cup tie againt Birmingham: "We really want to do well in at least one of the cups this season and I would love to play in a final at Wembley. I know I would play well there. "We know that success in a cup competition will be a passport back into Europe and that is another incentive for us. I think we have the makings of a good cup side and we're really looking forward to Tuesday. "I know we haven't had the best of cup records over the past few seasons and that Birmingham will know that and fancy their chances of turning us over, but records mean nothing on the night."

Pieman at 11:28:37 Monday November 29 99
Great result on Sat. Will H give Porks a fine for his gesticulations? He has to be dropped for that alone (shite performance aside). Also, I reckon that 4-4-2 retired with Dicksy! PS Dazzas Prediction League has been updated. Its close at the top with 5 within 9 points of each other.

Paolo at 10:37:6 Monday November 29 99
This says it all - extract from Ironmworks report on the Liverpool game........"For most supporters the big debate is still the form of Paulo Wanchope, who continues to frustrate with his inconsistency. Today he was abysmal, and Paul Kitson achieved more in five minutes than Paulo had done in the whole match. I repeat my view that he will be a good player for us, and that it's not his fault if Harry keeps picking him, and that it's totally counter-productive to shower abuse on him throughout the match. But that said, if Paul Kitson doesn't start the next match in his place there's absolutely no justice in the world. The problem really lies with Harry - he's simply too scared to start a match without a recognised target man up front. There's a long history of him playing out-of-form target men from Dowie, through Hartson and now to Wanchope. It's a big jump for him to make because he still advocates the use of the long ball to create opportunities as well as relieving pressure. It's my strong opinion that he's wrong - for me the long ball just gives possession away too often, and also bypasses the ball skills of Cole, Lampard, Sinclair and Di Canio who like the ball played on the floor. Arsenal, Man Utd, Liverpool and Chelsea left long-ball tactics behind years ago and have reaped the rewards - I really feel it's time for us to make a similar jump, and maybe find the consistency that we've been lacking in recent years. The bottom line is that 90% of our play is dependent on the front man winning possession from the long ball, but at present our front man is inexperienced and is under-achieving. There are two options - either we buy a new one (unlikely and un-necessary) or we keep the ball on the floor and trust our young midfielders to create for us. In Cole and Lampard I believe we've got the two best talents with the ball in the country, but they're being bypassed too often, and I don't think they'll hang around for ever just chasing the ball back and forth."

Mike the Hammer at 10:32:40 Monday November 29 99
What cricket?

Paolo at 10:24:46 Monday November 29 99
Spurs, Arsenal and now Liverpool! And the game wasn't as dull as the papers say, what they mean is that Liverpool were dull, in fact Liverpool weren't really Liverpool - but we were a lot better than against Wednesday, and if it weren't for £$%"ing Wanchope we'd have had anouther goal or two. Harry has got to play Kitson up front instead, how many chances is he going to give Wanchope???? MTH - forget the cricket!

Adam at 10:1:19 Monday November 29 99
How Ironic Saturday was. Houllier mouthed off to the press that the referee better watch Di Canio's diving. Then when Owen gets booked for diving, he defends him today in the press. He reckons forwards should get more protection, oh right does that include PDC as well when he is getting kicked from pillar to post.

Ian in Northampton at 8:50:38 Monday November 29 99
Morning all. Back from a couple of days 'working from home' - during which time I completed my Christmas shopping.... It must be very depressing to be a world famous author and still find your book remaindered not long after publication: I'm talking, of course, about 'Harry Redknapp: My Autobiography' which I picked up on Friday for £3.99.... Excellent result Saturday: why don't I have more faith? But, as fellow Hammers fans, I think we all know the answer to that....

Mike the Hammer at 7:31:32 Monday November 29 99
Morning all.Another good victory,and the totts lost.Not a bad weekend!( Forgetting the cricket that is)

Griff still in work at 17:11:59 Saturday November 27 99
WHU Quack LFC No Quack. Marvellous. Come on you Irons.

Griff in work and mighty bored at 11:47:40 Saturday November 27 99
Quack!

Niki at 9:57:43 Saturday November 27 99
or Canadian....

Niki at 9:57:24 Saturday November 27 99
Andy, since when was nudity a problem on American TV?

Paolo at 20:20:45 Friday November 26 99
Bugger! Nighttime people on Alf's at last and I didn't check!! Got to go now. 2-1 to the Cockerney Boys tomorrow (in my dreams!). PS - evening Andy, thought you'd deserted us!

Andyinottawa at 19:27:28 Friday November 26 99
Niki, you are probably right, but it would be to avoid the risk of letting through an image of bare skin. Violence on TV is not an issue in North America. If you are at the game tomorrow, hold up a red maple leaf and I'll "toast" you over my brunch.

Niki at 18:54:47 Friday November 26 99
Andy, perhaps they have one of those broadcasting delays in case of horrifying incidents like ref pushing, which need to be screened from a sensitive North American audience.

Niki at 18:50:3 Friday November 26 99
I'm still here, as usual.

Andyinottawa in side on my se at 18:40:42 Friday November 26 99
It's way past beer o'clock for you Brits, and few of you seem to have home internet access, so I'm probably talking to myself. But other Canadian Alfies (surely there's more than me and Ian-in-Guelph) should note that WHU vs Liverpool is live on CTV Sportsnet tomorrow. That probably means it's shown live on some US sports channel too. I discovered that "live" isn't quite true: I was on the phone to my mother one Saturday with the game on TV, and she told me of a goal showing up on teletext, and eight minutes later I saw it scored. So where did was the signal go for eight minutes? It could have got to the sun in that time, but not back as well....

Paolo at 18:15:30 Friday November 26 99
Is it me all on my own again? Sigh.

Mike the Hammer at 17:14:14 Friday November 26 99
Pleasant weekend one and all.If Readey is reading,defo OK for 18 Dec.

Mike the Hammer at 16:59:44 Friday November 26 99
That should be Sfgoo,nor Sfgor.Sorry.

Mike the Hammer at 16:58:40 Friday November 26 99
Dave,oooeerr! Might have,but not sure.E-mail me! Sfgor,yes,not particularly and yes.

Some famous geek or other at 16:54:36 Friday November 26 99
I'd say 'Did you see the hammers on Sunday, blindin' game but the defence was shit'

Quizmaster at 16:51:13 Friday November 26 99
Got this from the current carling tables. Liverpool are 1st and West Ham are 15th. The Premiership Current Form Table (Results From The Last 6 Premiership Fixtures) up to and including games played 23 Nov 1999 Pos Prev Club Won Drawn Lost F A Points 1 1 Liverpool 5 1 0 10 2 16 2 2 Tottenham 5 0 1 11 6 15 3 3 Leeds 4 1 1 11 8 13 4 4 Coventry 3 3 0 12 4 12 5 5 Leicester 4 0 2 11 8 12 6 6 Man Utd 4 0 2 12 10 12 7 7 Sunderland 3 2 1 10 6 11 8 8 Arsenal 3 1 2 14 8 10 9 9 Middlesbrough 3 1 2 10 10 10 10 10 Newcastle 2 3 1 7 7 9 11 11 Wimbledon 2 2 2 9 11 8 12 12 Southampton 1 3 2 7 8 6 13 13 Chelsea 1 2 3 9 8 5 14 14 Sheff Wed 1 2 3 10 12 5 15 15 West Ham 1 2 3 5 8 5 16 16 Derby 1 1 4 7 11 4 17 17 Everton 0 4 2 9 13 4 18 18 Bradford 1 1 4 8 14 4 19 19 Aston Villa 0 2 4 3 9 2 20 20 Watford 0 2 4 6 16 2

Dave iP at 16:50:24 Friday November 26 99
Mike, I'd just like to second with your comments of 16:19:05 wholeheartedly. BTW, did you ever have any relatives around Seven Kings, Woodford or Gants Hill in the last fifty years? Could be related...

Jannie de Boer at 16:33:0 Friday November 26 99
Eh Rob, you forgot Concentration Camps

Mike the Hammer at 16:31:47 Friday November 26 99
Yes,it is a free country.But what would you say to any Jewish fans of West Ham?

Quizmaster at 16:29:10 Friday November 26 99
FrRom F365... News On Your Club > Homegrounds WE'RE THE TEAM TO WATCH - REDKNAPP West Ham boss Harry Redknapp is backing his side to claim all three points against Liverpool tomorrow. The Hammers face in-form Liverpool at Upton Park, but after their dramatic win over Sheffield Wednesday last week, Redknapp believes his side have what it takes. He said: ''We are a terrific side. It will be a very exciting game but we are playing really well at the moment. ''They are in form and they will make life hard for us but I am very pleased with the way the guys are playing at the moment. I believe we are the team to watch.'' Redknapp has assumed hero status at the East London club since taking his side from the bottom three into Europe. The Hammers boss is still smarting from the 1-0 defeat at Anfield last month and is relishing the prospect of getting even at home. ''If we had a fully-fit side then I would say we are a top six club,'' added Redknapp. ''We are missing Igor Stimac and Stuart Pearce is obviously still out but I think we are a great side at home. I don't care what anyone says about us because we have come a very long way from where we were and we have some very special talents here. ''It's great to be playing at home again, because before last week we had played five home games to eight away but at our place we are very difficult to beat. Look at where we have come from. Four years ago, we were a bottom three team and now we are are a top six side.'' Redknapp believes his strike partnership of Paulo Wanchope and Paolo Di Canio will make life very difficult for Gerard Houllier's men. ''They are a different class. Wanchope is a real handful for the defences he has played against, even though he may not have scored too often. Against Chelsea he was something else and caused Desailly and Leboeuf real problems and he is still only 22. Di Canio is also a special talent and works very hard for the team. I think Saturday is going to be a terrific game.''

Rob at 16:25:4 Friday November 26 99
We live in such a great country, England, I think people forget what a lovely country we live in. We gave the world Fish 'n' chips, good old fashioned Roast Dinners, warm beer err thats about it. But its still brilliant.

Some famous geek or other at 16:24:9 Friday November 26 99
I don't agree with what you say but I would defend your right to say it

Mike the Hammer at 16:19:5 Friday November 26 99
We have a sense of humour on this site( Believe it or not) and I HOPE that I can speak for everyone when asking 'One for shite hart lane' and 'Typical England Fan' not to grace this site again.I would like to state that I do not support the IRA in any way,but do not want the sort of people who truly believe in what they are chanting to air their views here.Whether sarcastic or not,you are not welcome.Thanks.

Mahoolah at 16:12:12 Friday November 26 99
Who is it who keeps buying that new Cliff Richard song? Apparently it has sold 600,000 copies. And frankly its the biggest pile of twaddle I've ever laid ears on. Absolute Guff. No-one I have spoken to about it can stand it. I haven;t heard of anyone who likes it. And yet it still outsells Boyzone, whcih think is its only saving grace. I can;t imagine teenagers buying it. People like my mum would hate it. My dad probably hasn't heard it. My Sister wouldn;t buy it if it was the last record in the shop on 'National buy a record today or lose you right to wear shoes day'. No-one in the office likes it let alone would condsider buying it. Who is it who has bought 600,000 copies? Is it the Churchgoers? The old ladies? The Middle class semi-religious christians who think that by buying the record it reaffirms their half baked faith for another year, but only play the song when the vicar comes for tea cos they don't actually like it that much but like most everything else in their life think 'its the thought that counts' very rarely is it they actually do something about anything worthwhile except impressing each other with thier peurility and ability to buy naff tat from John Lewis that cost as much as a Good Meal but is actually worth about 2 minutes of fake smiles and 'Ohhh no really its lovely thangyouvermuch, bye now' and stright into the cupboard under the stairs until next year when its wheeled out because it makes the brazil nuts look more decorative not that anyone actually eats Brazil nuts people like to put them out so that they can claim to be having a 'Traditional' christmas, but I ask you since when did the Chrismas story involve Three wise men following a star to Bethlehem and ofter dinner they attempted to get at the edible bit of a Brazil nut but just ended up getting half chewed bits of shell all over the Baby Jesus' crib making Mary upset cos she'd just cleaned up the mess the donkey made on the dinner and if they were so wise why didn't they bring her something to eat cos she's just given birth and she's bloody ravenous and she's a bit worried about her baby cos he's not making any noise, no crying, nothing, I mean its not normal is it, and perhaps she should think of a better name than Mohammed. Anyway, I'm not sure any of this has made any sense. Bye Now.

Steve at 15:56:23 Friday November 26 99
Sorry, woeful punning there.

Steve beat in g his me at 15:55:42 Friday November 26 99
Just for Niki.

Anon at 15:30:31 Friday November 26 99
Mr Typical England Fan is Rob I presume ?

Niki at 14:58:44 Friday November 26 99
shite hart lane songster - you are very sad.

Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. at 14:57:58 Friday November 26 99
"Gentlemen, we can re-build him. We have the technology."

Niki at 14:55:30 Friday November 26 99
Safe journey Olw, see you tomorrow. Doddy! Where have you been?

One for White hart Lane to the tune of Agadoo at 14:46:32 Friday November 26 99
Gaaaaaaaas a jew jew jew stick em in the oven gas mark two, gas a jew jew jew stick em in the oven gas mark two....

MrTypical England Fan at 14:31:0 Friday November 26 99
"Keep St George in my heart, keep me English, Keep St George in my heart I pray, Keep St George in my heart, keep me English, Keep me English till my dying day, No Surrender, No Surrender, No Surrender to the IRA" What a truly brilliant song, I'm sure you'll all agree.

Rob at 14:8:23 Friday November 26 99
2-1 to the Scousers. Anyone in the Boleyn tomorrow (from about 2), and at Brum on Tuesday, I'll see you there.

A Fan in BM Lower at 14:0:22 Friday November 26 99
Come on you irons. Oi Ruddock you fat useless cunt get yer finger out and do something. For fucks sake Harry take him off. 'Rio Rio Rio Rio Rio'. Oi Wankchops fucking try passing the ball for a change you useless prick. Go on Trev...oooooohh unlucky son . Nice one Trev. Unlucky son, unlucky. No no no whats he fucking doing, come on Frankie boy you can do better than that. 'You're not singing anymore, you're not singing any more...'

Mike the Hammer at 13:54:43 Friday November 26 99
Or you can let Niki know.She has w/e e-mail.

Mike the Hammer at 13:52:45 Friday November 26 99
No mate,but I'll give you my phone and mobile no's.

Mahoolah at 13:39:36 Friday November 26 99
I'm not yet sure mike, I'm gonna have to speak to the missus when she gets back from work tonight. She works from N'pton and I'm in MK and we'll have to meet up somewhere first before meeting up with your good self. Do you have email at weekends?

Mike the Hammer at 13:34:53 Friday November 26 99
Too right M!What time/place on Tuesday?

Mahoolah in thought at 13:26:45 Friday November 26 99
Is supporting West Ham similar to the plight of Sisyphus the absurd hero? : Discuss Camus comments : I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy. If we look at the plight of existence for West Ham fans, we can see that it is the general demeanor to accept the role we have; those in charge, or indeed the ever unnamed 'others' might think it hard to accept the promise of so much with the delivery of so little (ie. the rock rolling once again to the bottom of the hill). Yet our refusal to let this dishearten us, and the joy we perceive at merely experiencing the day to day existence of West Ham aligns us with the Absurd Hero. It cannot be a punishment if we expect the same set of circumstances again and again. We must indeed regard ourselves as "Happy Hammers"

Baz2 at 13:21:35 Friday November 26 99
I should sue her old man, he gave me a right good hiding

Mike the Hammer,salivat in g at the thought of getting beers and balti down his thro at 13:13:37 Friday November 26 99
Have a good flight Baz.

Olw at 13:13:7 Friday November 26 99
Mike: nicer one. Baz2: you should sue her. Just don't sign a deal with the News of the World beforehand!!

Olw look in g forward to meeting Niki for a ch at 13:10:43 Friday November 26 99
Right, I'm off to the airport now. For those going to the Barking Dog tomorrow (from 1pm-ish), I shall see you there. To the rest of you, have a nice weekend and here's to 3 points from Liverscum. COME ON YOU IRONS!!

Niki - look in g forward to Tuesday live at St. Andrews at 13:3:59 Friday November 26 99
What happened to all the "in at" funnies? You lot lost your sense of humour? Mahoo, I'm looking forward to meeting you on the Balti bus. 2-1 to us tomorrow.

Mike the Hammer in EC4R at 12:59:31 Friday November 26 99
Leeds v Leicester postoponed,Leeds in Sofia( poor soul) the following day.

Baz2 at 12:57:32 Friday November 26 99
Olw, lost my cherry at 13 to a 30 year old woman from Grange Road.

Olw at 12:54:57 Friday November 26 99
According to Sky's page, Leicester v Leeds is on Wednesday. :-(

Albert Camus at 12:50:0 Friday November 26 99
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man washes the dishes.

Olw at 12:48:52 Friday November 26 99
Mike: Nice one. We the only game on that night?

Mahoolah at 12:48:29 Friday November 26 99
I knew there was a Camus / Post office quote somewhere

Mahoolah at 12:47:53 Friday November 26 99
"A sub-clerk in the post-office is the equal of a conqueror if consciousness is common to them"

Mike the Hammer at 12:45:37 Friday November 26 99
The Birmingham game is live on Sky. It's also live at St Andrews,so I'll see you there!

Mahoolah at 12:45:12 Friday November 26 99
Happiness is an interest in postcodes.

Olw at 12:43:2 Friday November 26 99
Mahoolah: As Camus once said: "interest is relative". But then so is irony. //wink !

Olw at 12:41:43 Friday November 26 99
Baz2: must be something about Plaistow that makes mums want to call their kids Baz! As a matter if interest, I also lost my cherry in E13. Who can boast of that one?

Mahoolah at 12:41:37 Friday November 26 99
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life

Mahoolah at 12:40:46 Friday November 26 99
I thought it was quite interesting.

Olw in awe of Paolo at 12:38:55 Friday November 26 99
Yawn.

Ms. Tibbs off Fawlty Towers at 12:35:5 Friday November 26 99
Oh joolly good. Thank You. Londons Very big isn't it?

Paolo at 12:31:7 Friday November 26 99
I have to don my anorak here and point out that UP is only in E13 because of some lunatic moment by whoever drew the post code lines. The E13 boundary runs straight down the UP side of Green Street, across the Barking Road, and down the same side of Boundary Road, so even the houses and shops on the UP side of Green Street aren't in E13. Only at one point does it deviate, just before it gets to the stadium it does a sharp left turn, goes round the stadium and turns back to Green Street again, so sharply it doesn't even include the pub! Someone in the Post Office was obviously determined to include UP in E13, even though it should really be in E6 - presumably someone born in E13, so they could boast about it later!

Baz2 at 11:46:1 Friday November 26 99
Olw, I was born in and and dragged up in Plaistow, so that two of us from E13

Paolo at 11:40:11 Friday November 26 99
Excellent BM stamp wallpaper Alf! Never hurts to remind the bastards I work with that we won the World Cup for them. But PDC spells his name 'Paolo' (like me, strangely), it's Wanchope who is Paulo.

Ms. Tibbs form Fawlty Towers at 11:36:21 Friday November 26 99
I think that West Ham will win 2 goals to one for the Liverpool Reds. OOOOOhh Lovely.

Olw at 11:34:58 Friday November 26 99
1-1.

Mike the Hammer,gloat in g at 11:21:1 Friday November 26 99
Please see my posting on 11:24:47 from yesterday.

Answer at 11:14:33 Friday November 26 99
The only team to score one hundred league goals and concede one hundred league goals in the same season? Manchester City on their way to finishing fifth in 1957-58

Mike the Hammer at 11:12:7 Friday November 26 99
2-1 to the Cockney Boys

Niki at 11:6:32 Friday November 26 99
What's the score going to be tomorrow?

Mike the Hammer at 8:57:53 Friday November 26 99
It's still too early for crimbo jokes Anon!

Anon at 8:46:17 Friday November 26 99
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Mike the Hammer at 7:4:18 Friday November 26 99
Morning all.Steaua's luck ran out last night,they got beat 4-1 at Prague.Bleedin' typical.

Alf at 23:51:51 Thursday November 25 99
Some new wallpaper to smarten up your desktops lads and lasses. Click on the link above.

Paolo at 19:34:57 Thursday November 25 99
Jesus, I'm bored! Isn't there anyone else around?????

Paolo at 19:34:28 Thursday November 25 99
I am the ghost of evenings on Alf's.....Whoooooooooo.

Paolo at 19:33:42 Thursday November 25 99
Mind you, there is an up side, I have to walk past 5 pubs from the bus stop to my flat - well I do if I take the scenic route.

Paolo at 19:32:24 Thursday November 25 99
What does it feel like to look at your watch and realise a) it's 7:31, b) your bus went at 7:30, and c) the next bus is at 8:30? It feels fucking annoying!!!

Niki at 18:3:43 Thursday November 25 99
Looks like it. Iym a Essex gurl me.

Olw at 17:41:8 Thursday November 25 99
So I was the only one born in E13. Me and me muvva that is.

Niki at 16:51:40 Thursday November 25 99
Congratulations Mrs ans Mrs Yossa!!!!! I was also born in Barking Hospital, Upney Lane. They're building houses on the site now.

Olw at 16:37:47 Thursday November 25 99
I'm on the //cheese again...

Steve at 16:23:24 Thursday November 25 99
Eh?

oLW\ at 16:21:24 Thursday November 25 99
Blow me, the last me here AGAIN!!

Mike the Hammer at 15:45:55 Thursday November 25 99
Speak to you all tomorrow.BYYEEEEEE

Mike the Hammer at 15:38:4 Thursday November 25 99
Dazza,good afternoon me old mucker.How the devil are you?

Dazza at 15:35:25 Thursday November 25 99
Cricket????? ****in' poofs game!

Mike the Hammer at 15:15:1 Thursday November 25 99
Quizmaster,was I right with Man City earlier?

Mike the Hammer at 15:13:23 Thursday November 25 99
Funnily enough,I don't remember much about it!

Olw at 15:7:54 Thursday November 25 99
So were my two sisters. Apparently it was such a shit hole when the eldest was born that my mum refused to go back there when I was due two years later!

Mike the Hammer at 14:46:5 Thursday November 25 99
I was born in Barking Hospital.

Olw at 14:40:35 Thursday November 25 99
How many on here were actually born in E13?

Rob at 14:10:25 Thursday November 25 99
I was right. I knew I was. Hoorah!!!!!!!!!!

Paolo at 14:1:14 Thursday November 25 99
E7!!!

Paolo at 13:56:51 Thursday November 25 99
Rob - glad to see you're another student of the exciting world that is the London postal codes. Green Street is E13 right past the station and up to the Plashet Road junction. Unfortunately my PC is so bloody slow at the moment that I still don't know what post code it turns into after that! And now I have to go and do some WORK, so I may never know. But then into every life must come some grief.

Mike the Hammer at 13:47:5 Thursday November 25 99
Congratulations to Mr & Mrs Yossa.Another West Ham fan is brought into the world.

Paolo at 13:45:27 Thursday November 25 99
Congratulations Yossa. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did (once he starts sleeping through the night, that is!)

Rob at 13:43:23 Thursday November 25 99
Paolo, which postcode is the station end of Green Street (opposite end to The Boleyn). I think it's E6 or E7.

Paolo at 13:42:56 Thursday November 25 99
E6 Niki. Did your PC crash because you were too busy sending e.mail perchance?

Paolo at 13:40:12 Thursday November 25 99
Ah ha! An Astute question, I'm glad somebody's paying attention. It's in E6. In fact as you turn into Castle street from Green Street you cross from E13 into E6, but at the other end of Castle Street as you enter the ground you cross back into E13 again. But if you walk to the end of the Bobby Moore turnstiles bit, just before Priory Road you're back in E6 again. Heady stuff this! In fact the turnstile we normally use (the first as you come in from Priory Road) appears to be right on the boundary between E13 and E6. It's not often that life gets this exciting.

Anon at 13:39:52 Thursday November 25 99
Some people lead such interesting lives.

Niki at 13:37:20 Thursday November 25 99
Paulo, just before my PC crashed, I was going to ask what postcode the pub has - honest!

Yossa at 13:35:13 Thursday November 25 99
For Yossa news see the hole

Mike the Hammer at 13:26:51 Thursday November 25 99
Sorry Paolo,didn't mean to upset you old chap.So is the supporters club in Castle St. in E6 or E13?

Paolo at 13:21:50 Thursday November 25 99
You could have talked about my exciting revelation that the Boleyn pub isn't in E13. I don't do this for fun you know.

Mike the Hammer at 13:18:7 Thursday November 25 99
At least factual/fictional Fred in Fulham,the fairweather Fayed fan, gave us something to talk about for 15 minutes!

Paolo at 13:14:21 Thursday November 25 99
In fact half the East Stand isn't in E13 either. If the East Stand had an address it would be E6.

Paolo at 13:12:9 Thursday November 25 99
Is this 'Fred in Fulham' for real?! I've just been wandering the virtual streets again courtesy of streetmap.co.uk, and have just discovered something staggering - the Boleyn Pub isn't in E13! The ground is, but the pub isn't. Interesting, or what?!

Olw at 13:10:29 Thursday November 25 99
That's it. 122 all out. Gough unbeaten on 15.

Olw at 13:9:9 Thursday November 25 99
Mullalley took 9 off Donald's over to reach 10. Only the fifth player to get into double figures.

Mike the Hammer at 13:7:30 Thursday November 25 99
Donald has already hit England for 6....

Olw at 13:7:8 Thursday November 25 99
CRD: you obviously haven't been reading about th estuff that' scoming out about Fayed in the high courts. The guy is grade one scum. The only decent thing Jack Straw ever did was to refuse that Egyptian lowlife a British passport.

Baz at 13:5:48 Thursday November 25 99
Mullalley's just hit Donald for SIX!!

Mike the Hammer at 13:5:38 Thursday November 25 99
Thieving bastard yes.Crook no!

CRD at 13:3:34 Thursday November 25 99
what do you mean our chairman isn't a crook OLW !!

Mike the Hammer at 12:59:20 Thursday November 25 99
I'm asking it now though,and I will have no need to ask it in 2 years,as your fairweather fans will have drifted off,in need of something else to attach their 'loyalty' to.

Olw at 12:58:32 Thursday November 25 99
Mullalley's done what Atherton, Hussein and Stewart all failed to do. He's scored!

Olw at 12:57:17 Thursday November 25 99
I bet Fred says the same thing to all the other "Top" Clubs. At least our chairman isn't a crook.

Rob at 12:56:28 Thursday November 25 99
Mike, they still ARE shit. They can't even beat Bolton... at home!!!!!!!

Fred in Fulham at 12:55:40 Thursday November 25 99
Thats what you lot will be asking in 2 years time when you're playing the likes of Grimsby.

Mike the Hammer at 12:54:51 Thursday November 25 99
My mistake,I should have used the present tense,you still are.

Mike the Hammer at 12:54:24 Thursday November 25 99
Yes Fred,Fulham are the future,and we are doomed to struggle,with all our talented youngsters set to leave once we are relegated.Question for you though.Where where you when you were shit?

Niki at 12:53:30 Thursday November 25 99
Getting excited about the Balti bus!

Mike the Hammer at 12:49:4 Thursday November 25 99
Where is everyone??

Fred in Fulham at 12:48:20 Thursday November 25 99
I've been checking out sites of other "Top" London clubs and have to say this is the saddest site I've seen.Our lot will give you a good stuffing next year in the premiership-probably your last year in the top flight. Face facts-West Ham are a second string side, with no money, who will always struggle. Fulham are set to dominate London in the new Millenium while your lot are set to join the likes of QPR and Leyton Orient in the nether regions. Seeya next year losers!

Mike the Hammer at 11:24:47 Thursday November 25 99
Q - Man City?

Mahoolah at 11:23:55 Thursday November 25 99
In default of inexhaustible happiness, eternal suffering would at least give us a destiny. But we do not even have that consolation, and our worst agonies come to an end one day

Question at 11:18:19 Thursday November 25 99
Who are the only team to score one hundred league goals and concede one hundred league goals in the same season?

Mike the Hammer at 10:36:47 Thursday November 25 99
88-5 at lunch.Marvellous fightback.

Olw at 10:2:32 Thursday November 25 99
Ha ha. Flintoff's smacked Cronje for 7 of his first over and Klusener for 8 off him. 19 off 17 balls. It won't last but it's fun while it does.

Mike the Hammer at 10:0:20 Thursday November 25 99
Ilford,Poplar,Milton Keynes then Birmingham.

Olw at 9:55:53 Thursday November 25 99
Where does the MtH balti bus stop?

Mike the Hammer at 9:38:33 Thursday November 25 99
Noble effort by Adams,before he too succumbs to Donald.Goes for 16,England 34-5

Mike the Hammer at 9:21:51 Thursday November 25 99
The team are the ones that are on the wind-up.Roll on the MtH balti bus next Tuesday!

Mahoolah at 9:2:34 Thursday November 25 99
I really thought you were on the wind-up mike. I'm depressed.

Mike the Hammer at 8:48:16 Thursday November 25 99
Bye bye Alec.2-4

Mike the Hammer at 8:44:24 Thursday November 25 99
Erm,Butcher goes.2-3.

Mike the Hammer at 8:41:2 Thursday November 25 99
Whoops,silly me.Nasser walks as well.2-2

Mike the Hammer at 8:36:50 Thursday November 25 99
Cricket news......SA win toss and England bat......Atherton out for 0....1-1.....

Mike the Hammer at 6:57:38 Thursday November 25 99
Morning all.

Paolo at 19:59:29 Wednesday November 24 99
OK then I'll stare at this blue screen for 20 minutes, it's actually pretty exciting after what I've been doing this afternoon.........

Paolo at 19:54:30 Wednesday November 24 99
World record on boredometre achieved at 17:42 this afternoon - 126 points. The only problem was that I was too BORED to be excited by it. 7:53 and I'm still here - why?! Anyone else around? My bus doesn't go until 8:30, so I'm stuck here for another 25 mins if anyone wants to chat.

Niki at 17:43:56 Wednesday November 24 99
Well almost...........

Olw at 17:24:47 Wednesday November 24 99
I seem to be the only bugger left. First in, last out. Typical.

Bob at 16:30:24 Wednesday November 24 99
UNITED LOTS GO UNDER HAMMER A Bobby Moore cap is among auction items BY GARY BIRD - A COLLECTION of memorabilia connected with West Ham United is going under the hammer next month. Sotheby's in London stage a soccer auction on December 7 at which one of the star items is an international cap won by former Hammers and England legend Bobby Moore. The cap is expected to fetch up to £5,000. It is the fourth of Bobby's 108 caps which was awarded for a 1962 England World Cup game in Chile against Bulgaria. Sotheby's soccer expert Graham Budd said: "Items connected with Bobby do not come up for auction that often so it is a bit of a coup. West Ham United have asked for a copy of the catalogue." The cap and other items are being auctioned on behalf of the estate of Jack Turner, the scout who discovered Bobby playing in Flanders Road, East Ham, in 1955 and later became his agent. Also up for sale is a cap belonging to former Hammer Len Goulden who played between 1933 and 1939. It could fetch £700. It was awarded to inside-left Len for his England appearance against a European eleven at Highbury on October 26 1938. It was Goulden's tenth cap and is special because of the design. The particular style was introduced in 1938/39 and is unique to that season as no caps were awarded for wartime internationals. A new design appeared when fully recognised internationals resumed in 1946. Other Hammers items on sale are shirts belonging to Sir Geoff Hurst and Trevor Brooking, and an away programme from the club's first official season in 1900, after being formed from Thames Ironworks, which could fetch a four-figure sum. Also 182 Hammers programmes from 1946 to 1958 could fetch £600; a complete set of programmes from 1958/59 could fetch £200, while a set of mementos from the 1950s to 1970s, including ticket stubs, pennants, badges and press cuttings, is expected to go for £500.

News at 16:26:20 Wednesday November 24 99
Rod and Scots are on the rocks BY SCOTT WHITEHEAD - SUPERSTAR Rod Stewart backed a campaign against racism in football before a star-studded England v Scotland veterans' clash at Upton Park. Rod the Mod was joined by ex-Scottish internationals, including striker Alan Brazil and goalkeeper Alan Rough, in what was billed as a warm-up for the Euro 2000 play-off against the Auld Enemy. But their ageing talent and Rod's Hot Legs, which froze in the chilly November air, were no match for the might of the English. A hat-trick from ex-Wimbledon stalwart Mick Harford, two from former Hammers' hitman Clive Allen, and an exquisite chip from former Spurs and Chelsea midfielder Micky Hazard saw England breeze to a 6-2 victory. Rod, who missed a first half penalty in Wednesday's clash, said after the game: "We were outclassed - though England had a lot more younger veterans in their team. I had to be a cross between Denis Law and Jim Baxter. "As everyone knows though, I love playing football and it was even better that this event was staged at such a great ground." Rod joked that the penalty miss was the turning point of the game - even though the Scots were 4-1 down. "Give me credit for hitting the post. I was only millimetres out. I normally miss them by a mile," he quipped. The charity match, sponsored by Talk Radio and Carlsberg, raised cash for the Show Racism the Red Card campaign. It was launched in 1996 with the aim of combating race hate by using footballers as role models. The Professional Footballers' Association have supported the drive from the outset with 20 players, such as Robbie Earle, Rio Ferdinand and Paul Ince, becoming active patrons. A spokeswoman for Talk Radio said: "Not all areas of the beautiful game yet live up to the name. "While many players and Premier League clubs are undoubtedly well off, there are others struggling to make their way in both football and life, and are coming up against barriers of all sorts."

Paolo at 16:26:18 Wednesday November 24 99
Sunday's game was a 'thriller'? Not from where I was sitting it wasn't!

Jokerman at 16:25:0 Wednesday November 24 99
A young man joins the Air Force. He writes his father, saying that he is really frightened about the upcoming parachute exercises. A few months later he gets leave and goes home. His father asks, "So, how did the parachute jump go, son?" Son replies, "Well, Dad, it came time for me to jump and I froze at the door. My drill sergeant comes up behind me. He is a really big tough guy. He said to me that I had to either jump out of the plane or he was going to "do me" with his 12-incher!" Father says, "Well, Son, did you jump?" "Just a little at first" said the son.

Olw at 16:24:25 Wednesday November 24 99
No sign of Yozza this week so I presume (hope) he is now a ddad and everything went okay.

Paolo at 16:23:26 Wednesday November 24 99
Just hit 110 on the boredometre - going for the world record.

News at 16:22:11 Wednesday November 24 99
Hammer blow as Lomas faces ban BY FRANK PRAVERMAN WEST Ham have been left reeling with the news that skipper Steve Lomas could miss the Christmas period through suspension. Hammers' captain was formerly charged with misconduct by the Football Association on Monday November 15 in relation to comments he allegedly made towards fourth official Barry Knight after the game with Chelsea at Stamford Bridge earlier this month. He has two weeks from the day of the charge to respond which may mean him requesting a personal hearing but if found guilty is likely to be dealt a fine and a ban. This will come as a massive blow to West Ham who have tough games coming up against Liverpool, Tottenham and Manchester United in the Premiership as well as their FA Cup tie at Tranmere. But if the FA do decide to impose a suspension it is likely to take in the Boxing Day clash with Wimbledon and possibly the game with Derby two days later. An FA spokesman told the Recorder on Tuesday: "We have formerly charged Steve Lomas with misconduct and await his response. He may decide that he would rather we deal with it straight away or may request a personal hearing. "This type of thing does not carry an automatic ban and each case is looked at individually." Lomas sat out Sunday's 4-3 thriller against Sheffield Wednesday having accumulated five yellow cards in the Premiership but could not have expected this latest setback. Also teetering on the edge of a ban are West Ham's first choice strikeforce Paulo Wanchope and Paolo Di Canio who are on four cautions each.

Newshound at 16:19:16 Wednesday November 24 99
Boss H set to make changes in defence FOLLOWING West Ham's high scoring victory over Sheffield Wednesday on Sunday, Harry Redknapp is ready to shuffle his pack for the visit of Liverpool this weekend. Despite being relieved that West Ham finally saw off the challenge of the Owls, Hammers' manager was not pleased with the performance of his defence who shipped three soft goals. With Gary Charles and Scott Minto proving their fitness in training, it is likely Hammers' manager will start with at least one of them for the Premiership match on Saturday. "I didn't have my top defence out on Sunday and unfortunately it showed," admits Redknapp. "Long term I've got Ian Pearce out and Stuart Pearce is not due back from his broken leg for some time yet. For me, he is still the best left sided defender in the country and we do miss him. "But I'll have Javier Margas back from suspension on Saturday and both Scott Minto and Gary Charles are pushing for places. I'm also hoping that Igor Stimac recovers from his calf strain in time although we are still having to monitor his progress. "Gilles de Bilde gave us a lot of problems on Sunday with his movement and pace so that is something I will need to address, particularly with Michael Owen due to play against us on Saturday. "Liverpool are in good form at the moment and I would expect them to be up in the chasing pack at the end of the season. But we are also playing well and I thought we gave them a run for their money at Anfield last month so this should be a very close game. "Our home form is tremendous though, and I'm confident we can win."

Pieman at 16:2:0 Wednesday November 24 99
Mahoolah: you mentioned earlier something about Andy Grays dodgy niteclub dealings in Stoke. Whats that all about son?

Mike the Hammer at 13:53:27 Wednesday November 24 99
Updated 1:05pm HAMMERS ORDERED TO PAY UP FOR DEFOE The FA have ordered West Ham to pay Charlton an initial £400,000 for England under-16 striker Jermaine Defoe. The England Under-16 international moved to Upton Park over the summer and the Addicks and the tribunal's decision could cost the Hammers over £1.5 in the long run. They'll have to pay £1 million after Defoe has made forty first team appearances, another £750,000 if he plays for England and Charlton will also receive 15 per cent of any fee West Ham pick up if they sell the teenager.

Dave iP at 12:49:45 Wednesday November 24 99
QM: No, it was Martin Buchan. 1970 with Aberdeen, 1977 with the scum. Er, I only know that cos it was the question of the day in the F365 e-newspaper yesterday, and the answer was in today's

Mike the Hammer in disbelief at 12:48:7 Wednesday November 24 99
For the past eight years, a few self-described "culture jammers" from Adbusters Magazine have dubbed the last Friday in November "Buy Nothing Day." From their stylish home base in Vancouver's upscale suburb of Kitsilano, the Adbusters' brain trust has encouraged conscientious citizens worldwide to "relish [their] power as a consumer to change the economic environment." In their words, Buy Nothing Day "[p]roves how empowering it is to step out of the consumption stream for even a day." The geniuses at Adbusters have managed to create the perfect feel-good, liberal, middle-class activist non-happening. A day when the more money you make, the more influence you have (like every other day). A day which, by definition, is insulting to the millions of people worldwide who are too poor or marginalized to be considered "consumers." It's supposed to be a 24-hour moratorium on spending, but ends up being a moralistic false-debate about whether or not you should really buy that loaf of bread today or & wait for it & tomorrow! Well, this year, while the Adbusters cult enjoys yet another Buy Nothing Day, accompanied by their fancy posters, stickers, TV and radio advertisements and slick webpages, a few self-described anarcho-situationists from Montreal's East End are inaugurating Steal Something Day. Unlike Buy Nothing Day, when people are asked to "participate by not participating," Steal Something Day demands that we "participate by participating." Instead of downplaying or ignoring the capitalists, CEOs, landlords, small business tyrants, bosses, PR hacks, yuppies, media lapdogs, corporate bureaucrats, politicians and cops who are primarily responsible for misery and exploitation in this world, Steal Something Day demands that we steal from them, without discrimination. The Adbusters' intellegentsia tell us that they're neither "left nor right," and have proclaimed a non-ideological crusade against overconsumption. Steal Something Day, on the other hand, identifies with the historic and contemporary resistance against the causes of capitalist exploitation, not its symptoms. If you think overconsumption is scary, wait until you hear about capitalism and imperialism. Unlike the misplaced Buy Nothing Day notion of consumer empowerment, Steal Something Day promotes empowerment by urging us to collectively identify the greedy bastards who are actually responsible for promoting misery and boredom in this world. Instead of ignoring them, Steal Something Day encourages us to make their lives as uncomfortable as possible. As we like to say in Montreal: déranger les riches dans leurs niches! And remember, we're talking about stealing, not theft. Stealing is just. Theft is exploitative. Stealing is when you take a yuppie's BMW for a joyride, and crash into a parked Mercedes just for the hell of it. Theft is when you take candy from a baby's mouth. Stealing is the re-distribution of wealth from rich to poor Theft is making profits at the expense of the disadvantaged and the natural environment. Stealing is an unwritten a tax on the rich. Theft is taxing the poor to subsidize the rich. Stealing is nothing more than a tax on the rich. There is solidarity in stealing, but property is nothing but theft. So, don't pay for that corporate newspaper, but steal all of them from the box. Get some friends together and go on a "shoplifting "spree at the local chain supermarket or upscale mall. With an even larger mob, get together and steal from the local chain book or record store. Pilfer purses and wallets from easily identified yuppies and business persons. Skip out on rent. Get a credit card under a fake name and don't pay. Keep what you can use, and give away everything else in the spirit of mutual aid that is the hallmark of Steal Something Day. Download our detourned poster, make copies and stick it up wherever you can. And don't forget, send your scamming and stealing tips to us at lombrenoire@tao.ca. See you next Steal Something Day which, unlike Buy Nothing, happens every day of the year.

Quizmaster at 12:43:52 Wednesday November 24 99
Re the question about the captain of the winning team in the English and Scottish FA Cups. How about Stuart McCall ? Everton & Rangers ?

Griff at 12:18:24 Wednesday November 24 99
Combined with a boot up the arse. Not as good as the smash though.

Olw at 12:13:15 Wednesday November 24 99
Mike: it was not an elbow. It was a forearm smash. A very good one too.

Mike the Hammer at 12:3:17 Wednesday November 24 99
It must have been fake blood,as it was obvious he dived.Well,if you're Andy Gray or Danny Wilson it was.To the rest of the (sane) world it was an elbow.

Paolo at 11:59:53 Wednesday November 24 99
Greetings people. A few minutes after the sending off on Sunday PDC went off and had something done to his face, it looked like they were wiing blood off, or something. Did anyone else see this?

Mahoolah at 11:29:44 Wednesday November 24 99
I've just been reading through a bit of Camus agaion recently, and the blokes got some top thinking going on.

Ian in Northampton at 11:10:21 Wednesday November 24 99
M returns, Alf's comes alive again. Coincidence? I think not. The last post reminds me of something kinda similar that I've always remembered - said, I believe, about a Victorian industrialist (although I'm probably wrong): "He was a self-made man who worshipped his creator."

Mahoolah at 10:47:45 Wednesday November 24 99
True debauchery is liberating because it creates no obligations. In it you possess only yourself; hence it remains the favorite pastime of the great lovers of their own person

Mike the Hammer at 10:44:47 Wednesday November 24 99
So who else is off to Brum next week?

Mahoolah at 10:37:42 Wednesday November 24 99
I am considerably richer than YAOW!

Mahoolah at 10:33:38 Wednesday November 24 99
Jasper who? Carrot? You filthy Swine!

Nik at 10:29:6 Wednesday November 24 99
eh?

Mike the Hammer at 10:28:10 Wednesday November 24 99
Hey Carrot! They've no friggin' Bovril.

Nik at 10:26:27 Wednesday November 24 99
We're all going to Beughmingum!

Mahoolah at 10:18:6 Wednesday November 24 99
OOOOh yes sir, I am cheesy, cheesy- weesy

Olw at 10:10:47 Wednesday November 24 99
Who's on the //cheese today?

Mahoolah at 9:54:58 Wednesday November 24 99
OOOOOOH yes sir, I can boogie, boogie woogie

Saracen in waiting patiently for that claret and blue future at 9:24:59 Wednesday November 24 99
Youths opened their defence of the FA Youth Cup with a comfortable 4-1 win over Charlton. Notable faces in the team Cole (WHY???), Iriekpen, Britton (the lad nabbed from Arsenal), Sjolund (that Finnsh signing) and Defoe (nabbed from Charlton, might cost us £2m). Britton was the star of the first half, Cole went through the motions, the half finished 1-1. Second half started much brighter, Cole got into it. We got 3 goals, 2 from defoe (described as skillfull, good control and pace, but very small) and one from Sjolund. The best goal was after a run by Cole beating three quarters of their team, Defoe stabbing home the cross. All in all comfortable, without hitting last season's peaks. By way of contrast, Chelsea's youth team were knocked out, at home, by Crewe. I didn't go to the game, these details were gained from a mate's 5 live style match report left on my mobile!! As for Carrick, on loan to Swindon, he got a wonder goal last night and had most reporters raving about his all round skills and contribution. He picked the ball up on the edge of the box, surged through the heart of midfield on a 60 yd run, played a one two with the right winger and volleyed the return low into the bottom corner of the net. The future's claret and blue my friends!!

Mike the Hammer at 8:40:55 Wednesday November 24 99
DIRECTIONS TO THE GROUND From all parts: Exit M6 at Junction 6 and take the A38(M) (Aston Expressway). Leave at 2nd exit then take first exit at roundabout along Dartmouth Middleway. After 1¼ miles turn left into St. Andrew's Street. Bus Services: Service 97 from Birmingham; Services 98 & 99 from Digbeth. Car Parking: Street Parking. Nearest Railway Station: Birmingham New Street or Birmingham Moor Street (20 minutes walk). Nearest Bus Station: Digbeth. Away Supporters' Entrances & Sections: Railway Stand End (4,000 seats).

Mike the Hammer at 8:36:24 Wednesday November 24 99
Never been there by train! I presume Birmingham New Street and taxi!Are you going from MK?

Mahoolah at 8:30:32 Wednesday November 24 99
Is it easy to get to ?

Mahoolah at 8:29:7 Wednesday November 24 99
I'll probably be on the train with A.N Other.

Mike the Hammer at 8:19:21 Wednesday November 24 99
I have had the dubious pleasure of Brum before.The area is a shithole,but the ground is pretty good.Fans aren't particularly fond of us,so be careful,especially after game.Are you driving there?

Mahoolah at 8:8:18 Wednesday November 24 99
Morning Mike. Have you been to brum before? Whats it like? I've done Cov and AV before, and there both full of 'I am richer than yaouw' types.

Mike the Hammer at 7:36:42 Wednesday November 24 99
Morning all.I'm off to Brum next week Mahoolah.Q...Richard Gough? .....Result from last night West Ham 4 Charlton 1.

Question at 23:45:16 Tuesday November 23 99
Who is the only player to have captained both English FA Cup and Scottish FA Cup-winning teams?

Niki at 17:23:0 Tuesday November 23 99
£20 grand a week at 18 years old. That's obscene. Let's hope his famous "level-head" stays that way.

More News at 17:14:30 Tuesday November 23 99
Joe Cole is set to get a new £20,000 a week, five year deal with West Ham, making him the highest paid teenager in the Premiership. The 18 year old has been a revelation since breaking his way into the Hammers first team this season, and Harry Redknapp wants to make sure he satys at Upton Park. Cole is expected to sign the new contract in the next couple of weeks, to confirm his role in Redknapp's developing side. The Hammers secretary Graham Mackrell said on the deal: "We don't anticipate any problems, Joe is very happy at the club."

News at 17:12:34 Tuesday November 23 99
WEST HAM'S youngsters begin their defence of the FA Youth Cup at Upton Park this evening against a talented Charlton side. Tony Carr's Hammers will be looking to emulate last season's achievements when the team went all the way to lift the trophy. Inevitably, changes have been made to the youth team squad with additions such as Jermaine Defoe, set to play against his old club, and Finnish teenager Daniel Sjolund. Wing-back Shaun Byrne is currently away on international duty in Malta with the Republic of Ireland U-18 squad. The likes of Stephen Bywater, Joe Cole, Adam Newton and Michael Carrick - all influential members from last year's side - have now made the step up into senior football. Kick-off at Upton Park is at 7pm.

Mahoolah at 17:11:54 Tuesday November 23 99
What on earth does that mean : West Ham Fans are so Unappealing??????? As if thats got anything to do with anything? Anyway I'mm off home now. CU ALL. Ian : Probably better that you found out than having him bottle it up I suppose, but I can imagine the tension when they do.

Adam at 16:53:13 Tuesday November 23 99
I havent seen Sky's broadcast of our match, but I can guess their bias. I read Matthew (Spurs fan) Norman in the Evening Standard, calling Di Canio a cheat and saying West Ham fans were so unappealing. What a hypocrite from a man who supports a team with Ginola - The King of Diving and also who's fans through coins at players (their own as well). Diving is a part of our game now as it has been on the continent for years. But the simple fact is Sonner got sent off for 2 justifiable bookings, end of story.

Ian in Northampton at 16:47:8 Tuesday November 23 99
He'd been off across the fields on the edge of the villae - fortunately (a bit like you, I guess) he was cold and hungry and was making his way home, having concluded that it was too late to be sent back to school.

Mahoolah at 16:39:46 Tuesday November 23 99
I meant when sonner was sent off not DiCanio below. But I'm sure you know that.

Mahoolah at 16:33:21 Tuesday November 23 99
Poor old Vic, still in denial?

vic the gooner at 16:31:30 Tuesday November 23 99
Thanks to all of you who cared about me. As Chicken Run Dave says I have moved to Brentwood a million miles away from Highbury 'The home of Football' and I still dont have a tache.

Mahoolah at 16:30:52 Tuesday November 23 99
Ian : I ran away a couple of times too, about that age. Never found anywhere decent to hide, and was scared that I'd never be found so I wasn;t very good at it. Where was the little fella found in the end?

Mahoolah at 16:28:42 Tuesday November 23 99
I like to hear about the 'Bigger Picture' rather than what I'm force fed by Sky. Those commentators on SUnday took the piss when DiCanio was sent off. I mean, he did make a meal of it, but when someon stick thier elbow in your face, be it intentional or not, are you supposed to enjoy it? That Tyler bnloke was faoming at the mouth, they really really wanted Wednesday to win from then on. They sounded really disappointed when we scored. Wankers. Andy Gray reasured us, "But don;t worry, Harry's honest, I can assure you of that" Wow thanks Andy, you're a good judge of honesty on and off the pitch, you never dived or hacked or elbowed or swore at referees or generally niggled your way about and we won;t talk about your dodgy nightclub dealings in Stoke either.

Ian in Northampton at 16:21:9 Tuesday November 23 99
M: he's 9 and ran away from school - it took us two hours to find him. It was a worrying time - to put it mildly. Seems he got in a fight and was scared he was going to get into trouble. This is the same son who, in the spring, jumped out of his bedroom window.... Ah, the (highly dubious) joys of parenthood.

Adam at 15:57:50 Tuesday November 23 99
I've got to admit Paulo Wanchope was outstanding on Sunday, he was a joy to watch. He won nearly everything in the air, dribbled superbly, took the piss out of Cresswell in the corner by the Bobby Moore/West Lower (Cresswell lost it and had a bitch at the crowd). Everyone around where I sit was really happy for Wanchope, even people who have been slagging him off.

Mahoolah at 15:28:59 Tuesday November 23 99
I know what you mean.......Contributing about West Ham always feels a bit starnge when my main memory of any match is watching it on telly in a pub full of people who don't give a toss about West Ham. Its hard to gauge crowd reaction and public opinion of players in this way.....I thought Wanchope was doing okay, but realised everyone else thought he was pants on here, cos they'd seen him all through a game rather than in a match report or highlight. Anyway, what do you mean 'Son' trouble? Sounds worrying.....

Ian in Northampton at 15:14:23 Tuesday November 23 99
More so than usual. Son trouble also. But the main reason for lack of appearances here has been lack of inspiration. I really need other similar-minded loonies to bounce off - not very good at the orih=ginality/initiation stuff. I tried with the toilet roll thing, but that didn't lead anywhere. Not helped by feeling I never have much to contribute on the subject of West Ham - others are much better placed. Oh well....

Mahoolah at 15:12:33 Tuesday November 23 99
I'm tired of working and due to the lack of chat I'm also vewry bored. I just did a search for 'Random Buffoonery' on yahoo. As well as 'Monkeys and their tricks' and Flukey Joe and his Several Goats'. None of which turned up anything inspiring. Anyone else done any good searches on Yahoo?

Mahoolah at 15:3:23 Tuesday November 23 99
Everyone where I work decided to go sick or AWOL at the same time, whcih means I've been busy for once in me life. Working all day every day. Its a crime it really ios. One day I was here til 9, I mean really. Hows yerself? Busy?

Ian in Northampton at 14:50:18 Tuesday November 23 99
Hello Mahoolah. Where ya bin?

Mahoolah at 14:32:34 Tuesday November 23 99
first game of the season foir poor penniless me.

Mahoolah at 14:30:58 Tuesday November 23 99
Might see you there rob. I'll recognise you as you're a famous face on the web now.

Rob at 14:27:40 Tuesday November 23 99
Uncle Mahoolah, I am going to Brum.

Ian in Northampton at 14:20:44 Tuesday November 23 99
Hello, Olw. Problems with the Caps Lock key? It just seemed like the number of postings had been declining day by day now, as if in some state of irrevocable decline. It would be a shame to lose Alf's....

oLW at 14:8:53 Tuesday November 23 99
dECEMBER 25TH.

Ian in Northampton at 14:0:47 Tuesday November 23 99
Anyone care to predict when the first post-free days will be on Alf's?

Mahoolah at 10:21:12 Tuesday November 23 99
Anyone going to Birmingham?

Chicken Run Dave at 9:20:25 Tuesday November 23 99
For those that have enquired FiOS has been off on the Tom and Dick for the last month and hasn't got net access at home - so is therefore silent!. Vic the Gooner (plus hairy upper lip) has recently moved offices to Brentwood and I'm not sure whether he can still access these pages.

Rob at 9:18:1 Tuesday November 23 99
Brum ticket news. Tickets for the Hammers forthcoming Worthington Cup tie with Birmingham City are now on general sale. Around 1,000 of the club's 3,000 allocation for the tie at St Andrews on November 30 remain. Tickets are priced at £16 adults and half price concessions. Harry Redknapp has tipped his side to go all the way to Wembley in one of the cup competitions this season, and he knows the Worthington Cup offers the best opportunity. The Hammers defeated Harry's old side Bournemouth in the previous round, but the Blues - with the help of old boy Stan Lazaridis - are likely to provide a sterner test.

Niki at 21:39:11 Monday November 22 99
Caroline, FiOS (and Vic the Gooner for that matter) hasn't been around for a few weeks. I don't think he's placed any Predictions either. Maybe Readey knows where he is.

Dazza at 18:52:43 Monday November 22 99
Prediction League has now been updated and you all should have this weeks fixtures...

Mike the Hammer at 15:53:27 Monday November 22 99
Bet he doesn't go to away games though,bloody part-timer!And yes,choppy did pay well yesterday.

Paolo at 15:45:6 Monday November 22 99
Anyone read the article in Sunday's prog by the guy from Australia? He's a season ticket holdr and he lives in Sydney - takes him 28 hours to get to UP!! Did I see Wanchope have a good game yesterday, or was that a dream?

Mike the Hammer at 15:10:41 Monday November 22 99
http://www.kama-sooty.co.uk.

Mike the Hammer at 15:8:35 Monday November 22 99
Like a jolly rancher?

Olw at 14:56:2 Monday November 22 99
Alf: any chance of getting us something sweet-smelling and happy for next week? I think I'm gonna need it.

Alf at 14:20:28 Monday November 22 99
Headline on page 43 of today's Currant - "Di Canio Flushes Danny Down Di Panio". Olw old chap, Mamma has absolutely no effect on the speed the page loads. You're skating on thin ice son, if you're not careful I'll point the Olw's Hole link to Mamma.com.......

Caroline from the olde Alf's at 14:4:17 Monday November 22 99
Does anyone know where FioS is nowadays? Has he changed jobs? Has he eloped with a Britney Spears lookalike? If anyone's able to enlighten me I'd appreciate it, thanks.

Mike the Hammer at 13:49:15 Monday November 22 99
Mamma weer all crazee now.

Mahoolah at 13:27:11 Monday November 22 99
Mamma aint no problem for me old buddy

Olw at 12:33:33 Monday November 22 99
Mamma is a pain in the arse. The page loads fine until it gets to that bloody thing. Anyone else have this problem?

Dazza at 12:25:23 Monday November 22 99
Hellooo chaps and chapesses....Prediction League will be updated later on this evening. I am very very busy at the moment and wont get chance to update until this evening. I want to leave it as long as poss because my missus won this week with a whopping 25 points, and Niki come second with 23 (i think)...so I'm gonna ban girls from entering in future as they makes as macho lads look a bit daft!!!!

Mike the Hammer at 11:57:1 Monday November 22 99
Hiya Niki.Did you get your Brum ticket?

Niki at 11:52:55 Monday November 22 99
Morning peeps. Good game. Loads of torn up betting slips all the place!! The Benfica boys, Minto and Charles were having a good old chat at the corner flag in the first half, but why didn't they get on the pitch? Keller's great going forward but we looked weak down the left side, and Minto should have gone on if you ask me. Be lucky Owls - Danny Wilson's going in the Bleedas Gallery later.

Mike the Hammer at 11:49:24 Monday November 22 99
Cheers Steve,thought it was just me.

Steve at 11:41:11 Monday November 22 99
Mike: Yeah, but no messages are showing.

Mike the Hammer at 11:0:31 Monday November 22 99
Has anyone got into Manglers?

MIke the Hammer at 10:59:38 Monday November 22 99
At least it won't be a Friday night(mare) game.Shouldn't be with the mersey minnows both away,and Aldridge won't be playing!

Quizmaster at 10:52:49 Monday November 22 99
Tranmere away in the FA cup. They had a dodgy start to the season but have kept 4 clean sheets in a row and are climbing up the table. Our old friend, David Kelly is still there and scoring goals, he'd like to score against us

Quizmaster at 10:50:53 Monday November 22 99
Couldn't get to see that match yesterday but saw the highlights on the news. All the reports accused DiCanio of diving and getting the SW guy sent off. From what I saw, the SW guy kicked DiC and elbowed him at the same time !!! Maybe he did make the most of it, but for flucks sake it was definitely a sending off offence. I think it's more of the "dirty diving foreigner" syndrome. By the way, According to the papers, Ginola was the worst player on the pitch on Saturday, worst player on the pitch ! that's some achievement considering Walker, Armstrong and Justin Edinburgh were playing. hahaha.

Mike the Hammer at 9:41:25 Monday November 22 99
Because we rarely get penalties! 3 in 2 seasons...If you're having a pop at PDC,then he DID get elbowed.

lee of thfc at 9:31:15 Monday November 22 99
and you lot have a pop at Ginola for diving....

Olw at 8:3:40 Monday November 22 99
Footy talk? On here. Some people have a lot to learn!! To start: click on the "Olw's Hole" or "Mangler" links above if you want to talk about football.

Mike the Hammer at 7:45:34 Monday November 22 99
Greetings all.Welcome aboard Mark in Barking.Footie talk? It's your first visit so you'll have to get used to the general lack of footie talk,the socio-economic views of the other contributors,as well as the downright strange postings! As far as the footie is concerned,and H's tactics on strikers,I've no idea! Marcus Stewart of Huddersfield was a striker we've made enquiries about when he was at Bristol Rovers,but he turned us down twice,so bolox to him!WWW was sold because he wanted first team football,and not be languishing on the bench,and Harry just doesn't seem to like Kitson.He infuriates me at times,but looking at our overall position now,we are a damn sight better than when he first took the job.Oh yes 4-3 AND WE GOT A PENALTY IN A LEAGUE GAME AT UP!!!!!!!! The defence was shite though.It seems that Rio craps himelf when he plays alongside Ruddock,seem he knows what to expect.....

Adam at 21:51:53 Sunday November 21 99
Paulo Wanchope-o, Paulo Wanchope-o, Paulo Wanchope-o, Paulo Wanchope-o. He had a blinder today, not too sure about our defense though. But who cares 3 points.

Mahoolah at 19:22:49 Sunday November 21 99
I'm pished ...and we won

News at 12:23:56 Saturday November 20 99
LOMAS LOOKING FOR A CHANGE IN FORTUNE West Ham skipper Steve Lomas is hoping that his run of bad luck will change when he reverts to a midfield role. It was his defensive header at Leeds three weeks ago that lead to them getting the winner, while his late goal in the UEFA Cup, which might have set up a rousing finale as the Hammers chased a 2-0 deficit, was ruled out against Staua Bucharest and led to West Ham's exit from Europe. Lomas, however, is looking forward to being restored to his midfield role now that Gary Charles is fully fit following his move from Benfica. He said: ''People say I'm playing out of position but I will play anywhere. In the Leeds game I was just trying to clear the danger, I didn't know what was around me, and I didn't hear any shout. But their man hit a very good shot from 20 yards out. ''As for the Staua game, I don't know why my goal was disallowed. People were clearing the ball off the line, it was hitting the post, and they should have had a player sent off. I've never been involved in such a one-sided game. We really bombarded them.'' Lomas believes that West Ham have not really had the best of luck of late and he added: ''I think we are a more solid team than last year but we have had bad fortune. Now we have the Sheffield Wednesday game on Sunday and they are fighting for their lives. Hopefully there will be no controversy!'' That was a reference to the fact that in the last two league games at Upton Park a player has been sent off against West Ham. And Lomas thinks the influence of referees is becoming more prevalent, explaining: ''It seems to be incidents that decide games and it is best to try and stay away from them.''

News at 12:3:48 Saturday November 20 99
Di Canio puts boot into Wilson - Paolo Di Canio has raised the temperature for Sunday's reunion with his former colleagues by launching a stinging attack on Sheffield Wednesday boss Danny Wilson. West Ham's Italian star is "fired up" for bottom club Wednesday's visit to Upton Park and hopes to increase the pressure on Wilson, whose job is on the line with his side on just six points from 14 games. Di Canio admits he has not forgiven Wilson or Owls chairman Dave Richards for the manner of his departure from Hillsborough following a 12-match ban for the attack on referee Paul Alcock. And the striker told the Daily Star that his old boss is lucky still to be in a job. "Usually when you lose a lot of games you also lose your job. That is what happens with most managers," said Di Canio. "In places like Italy and Spain a manager does not stay around too long if the team keeps losing and plays badly. "So it is unusual for someone to keep his job if his team have won just one game and have just six points at the bottom. "Wednesday are in big trouble and need things to change quickly. The chairman and manager are clearly good friends and that is why Wilson is still in a job. "I hope he is the right man and Wednesday stay up just for the sake of the fans. I feel sorry for them but not the manager or chairman. "They were the ones who got rid of me and did not feel sorry for me. They did not give me another chance."

Niki at 11:12:21 Saturday November 20 99
I started pressing redial at 9.06 - I'd have had an extra hours kip if I'd known that!

Dazza at 10:56:41 Saturday November 20 99
oh, it decides its gonna work now...stoopid bloody message board!

Dazza at 10:56:7 Saturday November 20 99
20 minutes????? cor they took their time...I rung at 10.45 and got thru FIRST TIME.....Dazzas in the lower tier!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!

Dazza at 10:54:51 Saturday November 20 99
20 minutes...20 ****in minutes....well beat this then Niki, rung the T.O. at 10.45 am and they answered FIRST ****IN' TIME....and Dazza got a ticket...COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!

Niki at 10:13:39 Saturday November 20 99
Woohoo!! Only twenty minutes of redial to get through for Tottscum tickets. Let's have it!!! Mark, welcome. We weren't in need of a striker when Rob Keane was for sale, and I'm sure we couldn't have afforded his £4.5m price tag. Also Paulo and Paulo were bashing them away through the Intertoto and there was no need to look at anyone else. Throughout the season so far we've had a "defensive crisis", and H spent all his dough signing Stimac and Charles because of the long-term injuries to the Pearces. With Ruddock, Rio and Minto all out at various times, we had to play Lomas at the back for example - H does make some boobs with players out of position, but I personally don't think he does too bad under the circumstances. Now, supposedly, we can't afford any new players because of our massive wages bill, somewhat eased by the departure of Wright. There's not much H can do about Unfitson if he wants to go. My biggest gripe is that we don't substitute enough - if they're playing crap, get 'em off!!! We will start scoring goals again soon, have faith.

Mark in Barking - Chicken Run at 22:39:1 Friday November 19 99
This is my first visit - does anyone ever speak about the actual football? What about the fact that our plonker of a manager keeps selling all our strikers and instead constantly plays Wanchope who's about as much use as a chocolate fire guard! Overnight we have gone from having four supposedly class strikers to DI (superb), Kitson (upset and injured), Wright and crap Wanchope. Why oh why did stupid Harry not buy Robbie Keane or the bloke who's now scoring loads of goals at Huddersfield (I can't remember his name!) Also why does Harry seem to enjoy playing people out of position? The line-up and shape of the team against Bucharest in the away game was complete shite (and yes I was there freezing my bollocks off!)and the entire team apart from Moncs and Joey were crap. When we played the home leg he finally saw sense and played people in their normal positions and low and behold we looked like a football team again - trouble is we still couldn't score in a brothel! Oh well that's enough moaning - I don't suppose there's any chance that we might actually score some goals on Sunday? After 30 odd years of supporting the Hammers at least I am used to the constant disappointments - trouble is that if we don't start scoring goals again I reckon we could even end up in relegation trouble! That should be enough for all you soap opera fans to get your teeth into!!!!!!

Baz at 18:23:56 Friday November 19 99
Okay. We'll sort something out next week. Barking Dog would be ideal!

Niki at 18:20:2 Friday November 19 99
Baz, ditto. Beer will be good!

Mike the Hammer at 18:5:28 Friday November 19 99
Baz,spare bedroom at my gaffe if required,or anything else.

Baz at 18:0:5 Friday November 19 99
I'll be back next weekend but on my jack jones. Will have to go to London to get return ticket and might visit my folks in Barking. Might also be available for a pre-match beer if things run smoothly.

Niki at 17:53:10 Friday November 19 99
Hope everything goes well for you. Give my love to Lena and tell her our thoughts are with you both. WHU had better do the do. Are you back next week still, or is it postponed now?

Baz at 17:50:22 Friday November 19 99
Hi. I should find out more when I call Brazil tonight. He had an opporation to remove a blood clot in June and everything seemed to be hunky dory. Now he seems to have had a relapse and he's under the knife again. Still, Lena's brother tells me that he is getting the best treatment so hopefully everything will be okay. It's gonna be a crap weekend. I hope WH can do me a MASSIVE favour on Sunday.

Niki at 17:44:34 Friday November 19 99
I'm abaht too.

Mike the Hammer at 17:36:4 Friday November 19 99
I'm still here Baz.Any news on yer old man?

Baz at 17:9:55 Friday November 19 99
Anyone in?

Niki at 16:40:23 Friday November 19 99
PS Predictions to Dazza before kick-off tomorrow please

Niki at 16:39:35 Friday November 19 99
A fit team. Now that IS good news - but I'm still smarting from last years bashing. I take it you lot don't need the ground photo now.

Mike the Hammer at 16:27:29 Friday November 19 99
TEAM NEWS - INJURIES CLEARING UP West Ham have virtually a clean bill of health for Sunday's game with Sheffield Wednesday, with only Stuart Pearce and Ian Pearce on the injured list. Gary Charles could make his long-awaited West Ham debut while Scott Minto has also regained fitness. Meanwhile, Paolo di Canio has also been passed fit to play against his former club.

Mike the Hammer at 16:10:32 Friday November 19 99
Oh well,you have World Cup qualification to look forward to,and then you can get beaten by Tonga in the first round....

Jock McTavish at 15:54:28 Friday November 19 99
Away with ye, ye scabby sassenachs, Scotland played ye off the park the other night, you won't stay past the first round next summer...Oh Flower of Scotland, when will we see your likes again....nana nananan nananananan

Jim at 15:34:30 Friday November 19 99
If you want to see the new Boleyn Ground go to http://images.thisislondon.com/linked/sport/football/uptonpark_352x264.jpg This is from a dead link on the Evening Standard web site. Most of it seems dead to me at the moment.

Niki at 15:28:26 Friday November 19 99
P.S. I'll put the piccie of the new ground up on the web in about an hour if you can wait.

Niki at 15:26:49 Friday November 19 99
I wonder if I can nick my Lower West seat at the end of the season as a momento! I'm just worried there'll be nowhere to sit at the beginning of next season!!

Dazza at 15:20:55 Friday November 19 99
DODDY - are you queing for Totts tickets????

Dazza at 15:16:27 Friday November 19 99
The new UP looks mucking farvellous..now do I give up me seat in the BML to move to the nice new West stand?????

Cas Pennant at 15:2:50 Friday November 19 99
Where is the picture of our new gorund?

Rob at 14:42:16 Friday November 19 99
Tell me how good the new stadium looks. Fucking top drawer if you ask me. WE'VE GOT OUR VERY OWN TWIN TOWERS!!!!

Mike the Hammer at 14:40:27 Friday November 19 99
Afternoon all.

Ian in Northampton at 14:17:44 Friday November 19 99
I never thought I'd look back wistfully on the Friday afternoons when Alf's was a seething mass of high order stupidity - but I am, I am....

Gay Bloke at 14:14:26 Friday November 19 99
Hi, I'm like New Bloke, cept I'm bent as an S Hook. Oh Hang On. I am New Bloke. Sorry just got confused.

Princess Michael at 14:2:50 Friday November 19 99
Anyone fancy a shag?

Griff at 13:9:45 Friday November 19 99
Macho image ?!*!??

Paolo at 12:38:26 Friday November 19 99
Just popped over for a look - ahhh! But excellent photo Niki. Got some odd looks here though - pictures of babies popping up on my screen are not doing my macho image a lot of good.

Paulo at 12:34:35 Friday November 19 99
Babys and mum's to be all over the place! I've been right out of the circuit recently, has Mrs Yossa had the Yossa sprog yet?

Niki at 11:57:31 Friday November 19 99
Ok, Ok, I know I'm doing the proud Aunt bit but here he is http://web.ukonline.co.uk/comeonyouirons/tommy.htm

Dazza at 11:50:11 Friday November 19 99
ooooo thats not good, get in there quick and drum it in to the little fella (thats what I am doing with me nephew!!) Go on then show us the pic

Niki at 11:49:43 Friday November 19 99
Think I'll dash out and buy him some claret and blue pronto.

Nik at 11:48:5 Friday November 19 99
Dunno, sister-in-law's family are Tottenham and Arsenal. Wanna see a digital pic?

Dazza at 11:5:59 Friday November 19 99
Cor blimey, little people popping up all over the place!!.. Is that another Hammer for the Golding family???

Niki at 10:32:17 Friday November 19 99
Morning. Wotcha Stu! Good news for you: my brother and his wife had a little boy, Tomas Golding, at 10.07 yesterday morning. Aaaahhhh.

Barrington Barraclough-Barclay, Baron of Barking at 10:13:24 Friday November 19 99
Yossa: cucumber day today, old bean?

Dazza at 10:1:16 Friday November 19 99
You aint been sniffin round ol' Cherie Blair as well have you Yossa?????..PS, hope everything goes well with 'er indoors, they do a nice range of babygrows in the WHU club shop now!!!

Furby 2&Yossa at 9:57:37 Friday November 19 99
Furby 2 was Yossa I confess. Am stuck at work writing a pay deal when I should be at home with the missus, but this has got to be finished. Fingers Crossed for the weekend then lads

Stu in Work as effin' usual, busy, busy, busy..... at 9:33:31 Friday November 19 99
Wotcha guys and gals, long time no speak. Just surfed by to say hi, hope everyone is well. TTFN

Barrington Barraclough-Barclay at 9:13:2 Friday November 19 99
Interesting padophilia debate on Ironworks "Have Your Say". Check it out.

Ian in Northampton at 16:40:39 Thursday November 18 99
Ahhh, New Bloke - welcome! I shall come out of the closet and admit to being Furby - but goodness knows who Furby 2 is. It was just that Alf's has been so quiet, I couldn't resist the temptation to get some sort of reaction. But then, you'd know all about that, right? So: how's life?

Mike the Hammer at 16:38:49 Thursday November 18 99
Greetings New Bloke.Did you see me in the PoW before the Steaua game?

New Bloke in Beckton at 16:37:48 Thursday November 18 99
And you thought I was a pain?

Furby at 16:1:12 Thursday November 18 99
La la la. La la la. La la la-la la la-la.

Furby 2 at 15:53:0 Thursday November 18 99
do do do do foo foo foo

Niki at 15:51:48 Thursday November 18 99
Mike, behind the times as usual, that's me. How old is this from today's East London Advertiser - "Lennox Defence at Upton Park? - Champ dreams of London title fight - Lennox Lewis wants to reward local fans who roared him to glory in Las Vegas..blah, blah..Nothing has been decided but Upton Park looks an obvious choice"

Furby at 15:30:18 Thursday November 18 99
Tum titty tum. Tum titty tum. Me LAHV yew.

Mike the Hammer at 15:19:17 Thursday November 18 99
As it's West Ham,they'll be more like fawlty.

Barrington Barclay at 15:4:27 Thursday November 18 99
The council have granted permission for some "towers" too. I wonder if they willbe anything lik ethe twin ones from Wembley?

Barrington Barclay at 15:2:38 Thursday November 18 99
Afternoon, daddy.

Mike the Hammer at 14:59:25 Thursday November 18 99
Niki,they met last night and the planning permission was granted.

Niki at 14:56:41 Thursday November 18 99
Just reading in the Newham Recorder ("D-Day over World Cup Stadium Plan") that the Newham Council Planning Department are meeting tonight at 7pm to consider the Club's planning application for the ground redevelopment. Fingers crossed kiddies.

Yossa at 14:39:14 Thursday November 18 99
Afternoon

Graham Taylor at 11:40:19 Thursday November 18 99
Same 'ere, we went on and won the whole thing, and beat Brazil 10-0 in the final of USA 94

Kevin Keegan at 11:10:27 Thursday November 18 99
well it worked on championship manager !

Barrington Barclay at 10:6:26 Thursday November 18 99
Steve:agreed. But what the fuck was that substitution all about? The pub was momentarily silenced into disbelief when Heskey came on. Then the "What the fuck"s began. Ludicrous.I can see another fiasco à la 1992 happening next summer.

Steve in a bit of a mood at 9:7:0 Thursday November 18 99
Well was that bollox last night or what?! When the teams lined up I thought the jocks looked terrified, but when the match started we were the ones who were too scared of losing to try anything. How does Southgate get in instead of Rio? What's Parlour doing on the bench instead of TTS? If big changes don't happen before Euro 2000 I can see us coming home very early and very embarassed. Last night's team don't have a hope in hell of doing anything. Bastards!

Dazza, grovellin in g at 9:5:56 Thursday November 18 99
Woops, sorry H, I honestly dont remeber writing that one.....if it did offend you then I apologise....It wont happen again...that was ages ago anyway..why didnt you say something then???...I am sorry, if yer ever in the Boleyn before a game make it known and I'll buy you a large glass of yer favourite drink!!!!!

Mike the Hammer at 21:40:28 Wednesday November 17 99
Yes,and we all have every confidence in this England team to do well in EURO 2000,well we're only 1-0 down at the moment.

Mike the Hammer at 17:44:9 Wednesday November 17 99
JUDGEMENT DAY PLANS TO increase the capacity of Upton Park go before a council meeting this evening. The club is seeking permission to upgrade the Boleyn Ground into a stadium with a 40,500 capacity. The £35m redevelopment plans will go before Newham Council's Development Control and Licensing Committee If permitted, rebuilding work would make Upton Park one of the country's finest football grounds, capable of hosting World Cup matches should England's bid for the 2006 finals be successful.

Mike the Hammer at 17:41:44 Wednesday November 17 99
DI CANIO TO FACE OWLS? West Ham assistant manager Frank Lampard says Paolo Di Canio is winning his battle to be fit for the game against his old side Sheffield Wednesday. The Italian left them in acrimonious circumstances following his bust up with a referee and subsequent lengthy ban, allowing West Ham to pick him up for a bargain £1-7million. And he recently declared, having signed a one-year contract extension, that he would spend the rest of his career at the club. And Lampard said: ''He has been in Italy but hopefully he should be fit and raring to go at the weekend. We need to get our own form going and start scoring a few goals.'' While The Hammers defensive record has been relatively solid, they are not scoring. It is a concern for Lampard but he thinks their European experience this season - for the first time in 18 years - will have done the players good. He said: ''We should have put two or three away against Bucharest and we have to start getting back up the league. But I believe playing in Europe should have improved the players.'' Lampard knows that the attention is firmly fixed on the league table now that West Ham are out of Europe and he said: ''People are expecting big things from us now and there has got to be that ambition.'' This was taken from footie365 site,and I hust hope that it is true.

Hannah in taking the piss at 16:41:5 Wednesday November 17 99
Thank you for your support Mike, but flowers are not necessary. I just Hope that Dazza realises that his silver tongue and razor-sharp wit may actually offend people.

Mark Fowler at 16:35:3 Wednesday November 17 99
Excuse me Mr Baldwin,I know you are the token Cockney in that norhtern soap,but this is an 'Ammers web site,so East,East,EastEnders only please.Yes luv,2 pounds of grapes and half a dozen granny smiths wasn't it?

Mike Baldwin at 16:30:39 Wednesday November 17 99
Is this a football site or a bloody soap opera? Get back to work you lazy shower.

Mike the Hammer at 15:54:42 Wednesday November 17 99
Daz,may I suggest a large bouquet of flowers to be sent to Collier Row...

Mike the Hammer at 15:52:46 Wednesday November 17 99
I'm OK Daz.YOu mean the aftermath of the heavy drinking session,along eith the longest football match ever between Brazil and Mexico.

Hannah in on the warpath at 15:51:9 Wednesday November 17 99
I would like to point out that i have neverbeen or ever will be bike. A slapper I may be, but defineately not a bike.

Hannah at 15:49:36 Wednesday November 17 99
Dazza - remember a certain " sky News " article that referred to me as a bike ?? I now know that you were the culprit.

Dazza at 15:47:47 Wednesday November 17 99
MTH - I'm alright mate, yourself???..I saw that Shania Twain Video on vh1 last night and it reminded me of a heavy drinking session in Amsterdam!!!!!!....Hannah, what have i s'posed to have done?? I aint been on here much to create any trouble!!!!

Hannah at 15:44:9 Wednesday November 17 99
Michael xx Yossa xx ( I was induced and its not that bad ) Dazza - you are in trouble mate

Mike the Hammer at 15:34:5 Wednesday November 17 99
Afternoon Dazza.How yer doing geezah?

Dazza at 15:31:38 Wednesday November 17 99
Hannah, whats this bone you have got to pick with me???

Yossa at 15:25:11 Wednesday November 17 99
Take a tip from the Yossa Re seating problems leave the bugger down when pissing it creates a game of skill and chance even when pissing. Keep a bit of bog paper just in case you fail

Mike the Hammer at 15:18:10 Wednesday November 17 99
Hiya Hannah honey.

Hannah at 15:11:7 Wednesday November 17 99
Afternoon all ! bloodu can't wait for tonight. I reckon the scots will score a goal, but england will win tonight 3-1

Mike the Hammer at 14:59:39 Wednesday November 17 99
Of course not Paolo,we're EXPECTED to do it.Unless you put the lid down as well..

Paolo at 14:49:25 Wednesday November 17 99
I always put the seat down afterwards. But do I ever get any thanks for it? Bloody no.

Olw at 13:45:50 Wednesday November 17 99
Clever sausage or not, as long as he keeps slinging in killer balls like he did on Saturday then I'll be happy.

Dazza at 13:12:54 Wednesday November 17 99
Outstanding Observation of the week - DAVID BECKHAM, quoted on teletext as saying, ' we are 2-0 up, if the Scots score one then thats the lead halved'...what a clever sausage he is

Olw at 13:6:49 Wednesday November 17 99
Needless to say, the full story's on Olw's Hole.

Yossa at 12:21:29 Wednesday November 17 99
Tarobi West is being linked with a move to the hammers

Olw at 12:20:45 Wednesday November 17 99
If you want a readable copy of FLJ's column, go to Olw's Hole

Recorder in Newham at 11:51:42 Wednesday November 17 99
Peter to help plot Wednesday woe FRANK PRAVERMAN reports FORMER West Ham wing-half Peter Eustace will be consulted by Harry Redknapp this week as Hammers' manager plots the downfall of bottom club Sheffield Wednesday for Sunday's Premiership clash at Upton Park. Eustace (pictured left in Hammers' colours) spent two seasons at West Ham after signing as the replacement for Martin Peters for a then club record fee of £90,000 from the Owls in 1970, and he went on to score seven goals in 49 appearances for the club before moving back up to Sheffield. Once his playing days were over, he became assistant to Howard Wilkinson at Wednesday before being appointed as the boss in 1988. His managerial career then brought him back down to East London when he joined forces with Frank Clark at Leyton Orient. Eustace is now employed as Hammers' north of England scout and despite 17 years association with the Hillsborough side, he says there is no doubt where his loyalties lie for the weekend's game. "My allegiance is with West Ham, particularly after working with them for the past four months," admits the 55-year-old Yorkshireman. "Obviously I'm concerned about Sheffield Wednesday's plight at the moment but I am hoping for a West Ham win. "I've known Harry Redknapp for 30 years and as a new player he helped me out a lot. When I first arrived in London I was like a fish out of water but he showed me around, helping me look at houses and just generally being a friend. With the job I've got now, I can help him and I'm very grateful about that. "When I came to Upton Park in 1970 I didn't do myself any favours, I was a 26-year-old going on 16. Being from Yorkshire I was used to seeing farms all around me and hearing cockerels first thing in the morning - you don't get too many of them in Forest Gate unless they're hanging upside down outside a butcher's! "I know that I didn't do myself justice as a player for West Ham and that is a regret but I've got another chance to do something for the club now. My role is to spot talent and advise Harry about them and with the side he has built, it is obvious that we think along the same lines. "As far as I am concerned, a club must try to do two things - be successful and entertain. To be entertaining you need flair players but they must understand that sometimes their flair needs to be put on the back burner during a game because of their responsibility to the other players on the team. Sometimes, they need to work hard for their teammates before they are able to come out with the tricks. "I was out of the game for nearly four years before I was offered this job and I spent most of that time watching football. I used to love seeing Harry Kewell at Leeds and Paolo Di Canio at Hillsborough, and I still love to see Di Canio now he's at West Ham. "Harry Redknapp has obviously pointed out what Paolo's reponsibilities are and he has responded very well. "During those four years, I sat in the stands and was able to see games from a different perspective. I could see the problems from a supporter's point of view and that has been of a great benefit to me. Hopefully, this information will be of use to Harry as he plans for Sunday."

FLJ' s column in the Newham Recorder at 11:50:13 Wednesday November 17 99
A chance to put my feet up - but now I'm ready for the fray FRANK LAMPARD WRITES FOR YOU FRUSTRATED at the England under-21 game being called off, I was at least able to relax on Saturday and watch the senior side defeat Scotland as a fan. This was little consolation though, as I know that we've got to go through all the preparation again in order to play our Euro 2000 Championship play-off with Yugoslavia. I don't even know why we're in a play-off in the first place. As group winners I would have thought that we would have qualified automatically, but knowing that we do have to play it, it would have been nice to get it out of the way by the weekend. The squad was well into its training routine by the time we heard the news and all of a sudden I was back in a car and on my way home from our Leeds headquarters. Something positive did come out of the exercise for me, however. Since the Chelsea game I had been carrying a bit of an ankle knock and the England staff wanted to monitor my progress to see if I was fit to play. By Thursday I was back in full training having been given the all-clear and now I know I'm 100 per cent fit for West Ham's match with Sheffield Wednesday on Sunday. Watching the senior team beat Scotland was excellent and they thoroughly deserved the result. Although the Jocks had one or two chances I never really felt that they looked threatening and now I think the tie is all but over. It was a little bit difficult watching the match on the telly rather than being involved but hopefully I will get another chance in the not too distant future. Since the national side has been together I've spoken to Rio and Trevor a couple of times and they say that everything is going very smoothly . . . except that Trev is dying to get his first cap! He's got a clutch of England youth and B caps and a few years ago he was knocking on the door of the full team, so I know exactly how he feels to want to get that first big international under his belt. Without wishing any injuries on anybody, I hope Trevor does get his chance because he has been outstanding for the Hammers this season. After the game I managed to stay up to cheer Lennox Lewis onto the world title. I thought the fight was pretty average but, like with the football, it's the result that matters and it's nice to have a British undisputed world champion for once. Looking forward to Sunday's game we have an excellent chance of continuing our decent home form but we must guard against complacency. Last season Sheffield Wednesday gave us a right tonking but they caught us at a bad time. We were slap bang in the middle of a sticky period, which every team goes through during a season, and our performance was very much out of character. I know we also got done 4-0 by Arsenal at Upton Park but there's a big difference between Wednesday and the Gunners. Still, the Owls played exceptionally well that day and they have a lot of good players to watch out for this time round. Most impressive for me is their striker Gilles de Bilde who I played against for England in our recent friendly with Belgium. He's pacy, good on the ball and scores goals so we'll definitely have to make provisions for him. They also possess a good ball player in Wim Jonk who fills the holding role in midfield so it is more than likely that it will be my job to unsettle his game. Wednesday are currently bottom and so that must make them one of the favourites to go down but I believe they have got enough quality to get out of trouble. We've got to be confident with our own form at Upton Park though, and with a decent display we should be good for the points. With any luck I'll also find the scoresheet because I feel I'm due a goal. At the beginning of the season I couldn't stop scoring but in the last few games it seems the keeper is always getting in the way! The same could be said for the rest of the team but the general feeling is that once we get one, the floodgates will open.

Olw at 10:25:0 Wednesday November 17 99
Yossa: induce her yourself by taking her from behind with a cucumber. Never fails. Especially if she's had a curry the evening before.

Olw at 10:22:14 Wednesday November 17 99
Season ticket prices, PDC's injury, stand rebuilding, tonight's match. It's all on Olw's if you want to have a say.

Yossa at 10:19:46 Wednesday November 17 99
My missus is overdue now and there going to take in her on Friday and induce her if she aint had it by then. Its not really what we had planned. Nice to see Danny Wilson using the net. Footie news anyone suggest a team for sunday me Im going with this charles stimac rio and potts with keller on the left side a midfield three of lamps foe and cole with sinclair and kitson upfront bench wanchope Moncs the oaf Forrest and perhaps young holligan if fit or garcia I also move that ruddock be referd to on this page as the oaf from know on

Adam at 10:3:23 Wednesday November 17 99
What is happening to all the sites, do we have nothing to talk about. I dont, so I guess the answer is no.

Danny Wilson at 9:0:14 Wednesday November 17 99
Win Lose or Draw, Harry it dont matter. I'm always gonna be on your arse

Mike the Hammer at 21:3:37 Tuesday November 16 99
Anyone driving to Birmingham on 30/11 want a passenger?

Mike the Hammer at 21:2:10 Tuesday November 16 99
Blimey it's quiet.

MIke the Hammer at 16:40:42 Tuesday November 16 99
www.smugbastard.com?

Dazza at 16:33:22 Tuesday November 16 99
erm, maybe an Arse team photo from the 70's???? or ITV publicity photo??

Niki at 16:5:0 Tuesday November 16 99
Where can I find a picture of Bob Wilson?

Niki at 16:3:52 Tuesday November 16 99
or neither

Niki at 16:3:27 Tuesday November 16 99
There's bugger all footie news either

Mike the Hammer at 15:40:51 Tuesday November 16 99
Wouldn't 'Ghost Town' have been more apt? I bumped my knee this morning which was a bit painful,but to say that 'Everybody Hurts' is a bit of a sweeping statement.

Joe Dolan at 15:32:39 Tuesday November 16 99
This site is dying, slowly but surely.Anyway, my new single is called "Everybody Hurts" and is available in all good record stores now. Its a cover of the REM classic, and I was inspired to re-record it while tuning in to your sad site.

Mike the Hammer at 15:15:30 Tuesday November 16 99
If it wasn't for us pesky kids you would've got away with it....

Bubblboy at 15:14:1 Tuesday November 16 99
Bollox, rumbled again..thanks alot MTH

Ian in Northampton at 15:5:14 Tuesday November 16 99
Re Bubbleboy: there's a downloadable fix on the Microsoft website, if you're interested. From what I can make out, Bubbleboy doesn't do any harm but, like MTH says, it's very unusual in that you don't have to open an attached file - just reading the email infects your system. Of more concern is that Bubbleboy takes advantage of inherent insecurity in IE to do what it does: the MS fix, in theory at least, closes this security loophole.

Mike the Hammer at 14:25:39 Tuesday November 16 99
Forwarded from my IT department. Bubbleboy Virus Recent press coverage has highlighted the appearance of a new, potentially more dangerous virus called Bubbleboy. Bubbleboy is a new type of virus that infects PCs without the user opening any attachments. Simply opening the email in Microsoft Outlook is all that is required, thus increasing the potential for infection. Any email received that has the subject "BubbleBoy is back!" and starts with the phrase "The BubbleBoy incident, pictures and sounds" was probably sent by the virus. It should not be forwarded to anyone else.

Griff at 14:25:22 Tuesday November 16 99
Stephen Carrs' OG. HahahahahahahahahahaaaaahahahahahahhhhaaaaaaaaHHAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAhahahahahahahahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH!

Dazza, apologis in g for that crap effort at 14:23:44 Tuesday November 16 99
What do you call a 3 legged donkey?? A Wonkey!!!!

CRD at 14:17:49 Tuesday November 16 99
man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorryto bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea...just for tonight, let's pretend we're married." The woman thinks for moment. "Why not", she giggles. "Great!", he replies, "Get your own Fucking blanket!"

Niki at 13:48:24 Tuesday November 16 99
There's this one........Kevin Keegan and Craig Brown were enjoying a quiet beer after hearing their teams had drawn one another in the Euro 2000 play-offs. Kevin turns to Craig and asks him his opinion of what may happen. "Well, I am hoping that we will squeeze a narrow 1-0 victory at Hampden with a late goal, and then hold out for a draw a Wembley to send us through", said Craig, "What do you think, Kevin?". "Well, I reckon that we'll thump the Scots 5-0 at Hampden and then put 10 past them at Wembley, Shearer and Owen getting 4 apiece. Maybe Andy Cole might even score! After that, we'll go onto win Euro 2000 without conceding a goal, including the penalty shoot-out against the Germans in the semi-finals." "We'll then go on and qualify for the World Cup Finals in 2002 where David Beckham will shine and our play will be lauded wherever we go. In fact, people will be calling my team not just the greatest ever England team but the greatest team to grace the planet, better than the 1970 Brazil team. I will be knighted, of course and David Beckham will become captain." "On the strength of our success in the 2000 competition, and the great behaviour and good naturedness of our fans, we will secure the right to stage the 2006 competition. We'll easily defend our European crown in 2004 and then we'll take the 2006 World Cup, with the players asking for me to go and accept the trophy from the Queen as a mark of respect for what I have done for the good of the English game and the English nation in general." "I'll then seek a position within public office, probably as Prime Minister", replies Kev, hardly pausing for breath. "Steady on!!", says Craig, "You're being a bit optimistic there Kevin!" Kev looks at Craig and says "well, you started it pal!"

Quizmaster at 13:21:21 Tuesday November 16 99
Afternoon, It's effing quiet all over today isn't it ? Olw's, Mangler's and all the rest. Has anyone any scandal or rumour they want to share ? Any jokes ?

CRD at 12:15:27 Tuesday November 16 99
morning all

Griff at 12:1:52 Tuesday November 16 99
Morning all. Niki - New Marketing Director started today, I've been trying to pick a fight with him all morning. Jocks are 33/1 to go through. Got to be worth a tenner, just in case......

Dazza at 11:47:2 Tuesday November 16 99
yes, whats the matter Hannah???

Hannah at 11:37:4 Tuesday November 16 99
Dazza - I've got a bone to pick with you

Hannah at 11:35:41 Tuesday November 16 99
Morning all xxx Has Baby Yossa arrived yet,does anyone know ?

Steve at 11:30:6 Tuesday November 16 99
Niki: New Marketing Director started today, I've got to be available at the drop of a hat to hold his hand etc. So not much opportunity to chat.

Dazza at 11:29:8 Tuesday November 16 99
I'm trying my best to avoid the attention of our software director...so far its going well as I aint had IE taken off again..(yet!)

Niki at 11:22:54 Tuesday November 16 99
Jeez, it's quiet today. Nobody dodging work then?

Dazza at 23:22:3 Monday November 15 99
To all Preiction League participants.... I have just typed up this weeks fixtures but Lineone being so ****in useless wont let me send or recieve email at this moment in time, I hopefully will be able to send the email tomorrow evening, if not, you can always send me your predictions yourself, to my naff lineone account or to 1966@england.com thanks

Newshound at 18:17:41 Monday November 15 99
GARY CHARLES is hoping to make his long-awaited Hammers debut against Sheffield Wednesday on Sunday. The former Benfica wing-back has endured a frustrating start to his West Ham career. The 29year-old spent six weeks on trial in a bid to convince Harry Redknapp of his fitness following a hernia operation, and then picked up a niggling thigh injury. "You get these injuries because the area around where you've had surgery are weak," he explained. "But I'm quite please with the way things have gone although this has held me up a little bit. "It will be nice to just get back playing now and get into the old routine." Gary made the substitutes bench for the trip to Chelsea eight days ago, and is now hoping to go one better before a home-crowd at Upton Park.

Mike the Hammer at 16:57:23 Monday November 15 99
Always leave the toilet seat down.Missus even occassionally puts the seat up.

Ian in Northampton at 16:55:8 Monday November 15 99
...and continuing the same fruitful vein.... Which of us are new men and put the toilet seat down afterwards in deference to the preferences of our loved ones, and which of us are unreconstituted and leave the seat up?

CRD at 16:28:7 Monday November 15 99
phew - I'll tell my mate that then.

Mike the Hammer at 16:24:34 Monday November 15 99
CRD,a sa bloke on his own,it just means that you're apathetic towards them.As long as you have them,you really don't care which way round they go.

Yossa&Spice Girls at 16:19:52 Monday November 15 99
I think it spices it up a bit speaking of which spice up your life. Thank you and goodnight Ive been Yossa and youve just witnessed a saturday night gala of Yossa and his b list celbrity freinds join us next week when its some bloke who you've seen somewhere before with his celbrity friends darren day

CRD at 16:19:28 Monday November 15 99
what if you live alone and the roll 'ends up' the wrong way round - does that betray a worryingly developed femine side ?

Mike the Hammer feat.Space. at 16:17:4 Monday November 15 99
The female of the species seem to have a problem with putting the roll on in the first place,so invariably it ends up hanging down at the back.Which is of course incorrect.

Paolo at 16:9:43 Monday November 15 99
Ah ha, at last some class on Alf's! Of course toilet paper should hang down at the front - how do you get to it if it's hanging down at the back?!! Anyway, to be brutally sexist for a moment, does anyone else share my theory that this is a girlie thing? Blokes always put the paper round the right way.

Mike the Hammer & The Boomtown Rats at 15:52:13 Monday November 15 99
Tell me why -I don't like Mondays, Tell me why - I don't like Mondays,Tell me why - I don't like Mondays,I wanna shoot ooooooooh ooooohh oooooohh ooooooh oooooohhhhhhhhhhh The whole day down.....

Ian in Northampton at 15:49:53 Monday November 15 99
Good grief..... I take it we prefer to paraphrase the lyrics rather than just repeat them verbatim, Yossa?

Yossa&Madona at 15:42:6 Monday November 15 99
Yossa dont preach Im in trouble big Yossa dont preach Im in trouble deep OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH But ive made up my mind im gonna keep my baby

Mike the Hammer at 15:12:36 Monday November 15 99
Is New BLoke in today?

Mike the Hammer at 15:12:15 Monday November 15 99
Ian,not a problem mate.He was 88 and wasn't in pain for too long.

Ian in Northampton at 15:0:4 Monday November 15 99
MTH: oops, sorry. My condolences.

Mike the Hammer at 14:56:51 Monday November 15 99
Not again IiN.I was at one on Friday for my grandad's funeral

Ian in Northampton at 14:54:19 Monday November 15 99
Elton John & Kiki Dee. Cliff Richard & The Yound Ones. Now Yossa and Bjork. Whatever next? But you're right, it's desperately quiet. Art'noon, MTH. Welcome to the graveyard.

Yossa&Bjork at 14:50:35 Monday November 15 99
Its ohh so quiet its oh so still untill on alfs Untill

Yossa&Bjork at 14:50:31 Monday November 15 99
Its ohh so quiet its oh so still untill on alfs Untill

CRD at 14:46:43 Monday November 15 99
I should get out more

CRD at 14:45:46 Monday November 15 99
Dazza - actually I don't think there is a second division as such in Argentina. That said the 'Torneo Apertura - AFA', which is a 20 club premier league should do just as well as a 'guest' prediction league. And a little tip for you all back San Lorenzo to beat Rosario Central at home.

Mike the Hammer at 14:41:52 Monday November 15 99
Afternoon all.

Dazza at 13:31:46 Monday November 15 99
I believe yer Stave, but you still aint getting those 18 points!!!!..(sorry about that !!!!) from the scores this weekend not many people knew much about Div 2/3..... NExt week Argentinian Division 2 fixtures!!!!!

Steve at 12:24:33 Monday November 15 99
Dazza: It was irony mate. I know feck all about the lower leagues, and had to rely on a Reading STH I work with. He claerly knows nowt about the lower leagues either.

Dazza at 12:1:25 Monday November 15 99
I did refresh it !!...dunno what happened.....it was late... STEVE, you lose those 18 points for bragging you knew loads about lower league teams and not getting the top score this week, and ghetting beat by a girl!!!!!! (no offence Niki!!!)

Alf at 11:52:44 Monday November 15 99
Dazza, I've fixed the front page. REFRESH the server and download first! Try not to break it next time me old son.

Steve at 11:43:50 Monday November 15 99
I think it should be pointed out that the week Dazza lost all the predictions I'd have scored 18 feckin' points. Bet I'd be top now. Arse!

Olw at 11:31:15 Monday November 15 99
If I was TTS, I would be bending KK's ear. "I can play left side, guv."

CRD at 11:13:28 Monday November 15 99
Ian - Totally agree mate - white is really the only colour that you should go with, anything else just looks so 70's. Of course the paper should be 4-ply and the less said about that greaseproof Izal paper the better. As for a left sided player I think Guppy may be worth a go as a one off.

Ian in Northampton at 11:5:21 Monday November 15 99
CRD: I'm a white man myself - goes with anything (especially brown - you can't say the same for pink). Steve: I hadn't thought of that - although, of course, if you don't have a butler to warm the seat for you on a cold winter's morning, it's nice to have the toilet paper pre-warmed. By the way, is Izal still available? And on the less important issue, please could we play a left-footed player on the left side of midfield? I felt sorry for Redknapp - he's by no means a bad player but he looked totally lost where KK played him. Not sure Froggatt is the answer, though. Surely there's another English left-sided midfield player of international class somewhere? Yossa: I remember now.

Niki at 11:3:29 Monday November 15 99
And I got the England - Scotland result right!!

Pieman at 10:59:21 Monday November 15 99
3 way tie at the top of the Prediction league. FAir play to Nikki for 18 points. Obviuosly a indept knowledge of the lower divisions there

Yossa at 10:58:49 Monday November 15 99
Nope the petiton was on the hole. It deamded that Neil Ruddock have his squad number removed or change because he was bringing disgrace onto a number worn with such pride by ex west ham legends

Olw at 10:43:56 Monday November 15 99
I have more chance of beating up Lennox Lewis that the Sweaties have of scoring twice on Wednesday.

CRD at 10:40:51 Monday November 15 99
So it looks like the concensus is that the game on Wednesday is not a foregone conclusion and, perhaps more importantly, toilet paper should hang at the front for both aesthetic and safety reasons. I guess the conversation should now move forward to the issue of colour co-ordination between paper and decor and the likely line ups for Wednesday

Steve at 10:35:12 Monday November 15 99
Ian: 1. I think so too, the sweaties would like nothing more than to come down & win it at Wemberley. However, I don't think they'll succeed. 2. Definitely the front, and not only for aesthetic reasons. If your bog roll is above a radiator, there's the health & safety aspect too. You wouldn't want a roll of highly combustible tissue coming into contact with a red-hot rad, would you?

Ian in Northampton at 10:33:42 Monday November 15 99
Yossa: was that a one man petition?

Ian in Northampton at 10:32:49 Monday November 15 99
I thought Gallacher should've had a hatful, and Dodds was unlucky also. And we know what Hutchison's capable of. The man Ferguson also looked pretty useful. No, I stand by my original thesis - it could be interesting.

Yossa at 10:31:20 Monday November 15 99
Heres a story to warm the heart on a cold monday in November. Our Harry is willing to listen to offers for Ruddock according to teamfibs oh if only it was true perhaps my petition helped

Ian in Northampton at 10:31:4 Monday November 15 99
CRD: good man! I was impressed by the Hyatt I stayed at in Cologne last week, but on occasions they took service to ridiculous limits. 1. Not only did they fold the toiletpaper end into a point, they put a little circular metal sticky thing on the point to hold it in place which I thought was over the top, and 2. in their swanky restaurant, it seems that sir shouldn't have to have the bother of swirling the red wine round in his own glass before sir checks it, so the waiter does it for sir instead. Reminded me of a swanky country club I once ate in in Austin where the waiter ostentatiously placed a napking between sir and sir's glass so that when the waiter poured the water, it wouldn't splash sir's front. That made me laugh out loud. Bloody pretentious.

CRD at 10:30:25 Monday November 15 99
oh and I dont think Scotland have the players to stick 1, 2 or 3 goals past Seaman

CRD at 10:25:49 Monday November 15 99
Ian - definately hang down the front - preferably folded into a point

Ian in Northampton at 9:55:56 Monday November 15 99
In an effort to liven things up, two topics for discussion for this Monday morning. 1. I saw enough on Saturday afternoon to convince me that Wednesday evening's game will be worth watching. The sweaties had enough chances to win, and England looked very average. I really don't think the second leg is a formality. (And, by the way, how did Hutchison stay on the pitch?) 2. Toilet roll - should it hang down the front or hang down the back?

Dazza at 9:48:30 Monday November 15 99
Someones nicked the WHU logo on the main page, if anyones got it can they put it back please !!!!!!

Dazza in the know at 22:21:0 Saturday November 13 99
Well the Standard got it wrong......

Dave iP at 17:26:9 Friday November 12 99
The Standard's predicting that Rio's going to start tomorrow...'Bout bloody time, if you ask me

Alf at 16:56:16 Friday November 12 99
Happy weekend people - don't forget predictions to Dazza - dlheath@lineone.net - before kick-off tomorrow! Check out the Prediction League entries for this week's unusual games. If you haven't joined yet - sort it aht.

Hannah at 16:45:9 Friday November 12 99
I ma just on the phone to Doddy , and he has just asked me to marry him on wednesday just before the england match at wembley.he has asked me to wear an england shirt and a claret and blue garter around my leg and a pair of adidas [redator footie boots so as not to damage the pitch with my high heels. Doddy wants mahoolah to be the best man and I would like Paolo to give me away.

Adam at 15:43:43 Friday November 12 99
Hannah his name is Jason Russell and his e-mail is jasonr@msmail.nfc.com if tou want to seduce him.

Ian in Northampton at 15:33:12 Friday November 12 99
Well, as Friday afternoons on Alf's go, this is more like a Tuesday afternoon. Is it the tension?

Hans in in Stockhom at 15:32:18 Friday November 12 99
Hello people my name is Hans. I am from Sweeden I am 27 blond hair and i love soccer and have no body odour problems. I work in the film industry in sweeden and am looking for freinds in the UK. I like fast cars and toilet seat. Please write me Thank you

Dazza at 15:28:48 Friday November 12 99
Hannah, what happened with you and Rob??? I had a few great News Bulletins ready for the day you tied the know with him!!!!!!!

Hannah at 15:27:0 Friday November 12 99
bugger - my boss came back. Oh well I'm here now. Adam , your mate will do- send him over.I don't want to be left on the shelf for much longer.Besides, I'm a bit frustrated at the minute and would like to release some tension.

Matchmaker at 15:22:54 Friday November 12 99
Hannah: Olw is married. So you were barking up the wrong tree there.

Griff at 15:19:56 Friday November 12 99
I don't understand me.

Paolo at 14:59:2 Friday November 12 99
My girlfriend doesn't understand me!

Readey at 14:43:42 Friday November 12 99
Last Christmas was a bit quiet, Mum put tarmazipan on the Christmas cake……..

Olw at 14:42:39 Friday November 12 99
See you all. Come on ENGERLAND!!

Anthony Footstable at 14:31:38 Friday November 12 99
I used to have a psychic girlfriend. But she dumped me before we met.

Adam at 14:30:16 Friday November 12 99
Hannah, I am 30 but look much younger, love football, not fussed about Motor Racing, but unfortunately have a lovely girlfriend who I live happily with (she may be reading this). But I have a mate, who is single, works in IT, 29, loves football, a full head of hair which is bright ginger, is that ok?

Olw at 14:27:12 Friday November 12 99
Ian: We don't get OXO over here so missed the add. A pity.

Ian in Northampton at 14:19:19 Friday November 12 99
Olw: imagine the husband on the Oxo ad - that could've been me. And my nose is a regular pink nose....I picked it myself. Paolo/Hannah: would either of you believe "yes, but she doesn't understand me..." Nope? Thought not..... We married men have a lot to recommend us, though, Hannah - don't dismiss us out of hand. Gnmerelaly well house-trained, don't answer back, unpleasant habits mostly eradicated (beaten out of us...), reliable, undemanding.....

Anon at 14:10:30 Friday November 12 99
Talking about MARRIAGE Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man." A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it." A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Quizmaster at 14:8:6 Friday November 12 99
Hanah, I'm not bald, but I'm starting to go a bit thin on top, there's plenty around the sides and back as well as the front. I'm over 30, but not much, well not that much. I love motor racing and can be funny, I am married with 4 kids though, would that make a difference ?

Olw at 14:8:1 Friday November 12 99
Ian: I am beginning to form a reliable image of you in my mind now. bald, tashed up, red nose...

Hannah at 14:5:12 Friday November 12 99
Yossa, You have already broken my heart once. Please don't rub my nose in it again. I was devastated when you packed me in.

Hannah at 14:3:51 Friday November 12 99
Ian - if you weren't married you would be top of my list, but alas, you are . Sorry mate to let you down , but I don't do married men. Olw - shall we meet in C& C?

Yossa at 14:2:6 Friday November 12 99
Bald is boring you need a full head of hair lke the yossa sorry H but i spoken for im all of the below apart from the witty and motor racing cant stand it it makes you go bald

Paolo at 14:1:3 Friday November 12 99
Or 'list' possibly. My keyboard seems to be missing letters at random.

Paolo at 13:59:53 Friday November 12 99
Ian - good job 'married' wasn't on the lis then!

Ian in Northampton at 13:56:2 Friday November 12 99
Right on, OB - plus abnormally high levels of testosterone which is, after all, what uniquely makes a man a man.

Old Baldie at 13:43:46 Friday November 12 99
Bald is caused by the head rubbing frenetically against the headboard. Remember that grass does not grow on a busy highway.

Ian in Northampton at 13:41:24 Friday November 12 99
- 'cause I am very witty and very tidy thus qualify in all other respects.

Ian in Northampton at 13:40:25 Friday November 12 99
Hannah: bald is good, bald is sexy, bald is low-maintenance. Bald is Sean Connery and that twerp from East Enders. Bald is best! Oh, and over 30 is much better - experienced, suave, smooth, sophisticated. Sold?

Olw at 13:39:45 Friday November 12 99
Hannah: oi. I posted a message for you on the cheese and you blanked me.

Hannah at 13:24:31 Friday November 12 99
Paolo - that was funny ! I am fed up of being single am looking for a prospective partner. I have tried to woo Olw for weeks but he keeps giving me the run around so i think its time to admit defeat. My ideal bloke would have the following traits - Loves Fotbal and motor racing, witty, tidy, preferably under 30 and not bald. Anyone in here fit the bill ?

Griff at 13:21:57 Friday November 12 99
Afernoon. Paolo - which papers fantasy team?

Paolo at 13:9:53 Friday November 12 99
Oops, that was me. Bollocks was just how I felt when I read it.

Bollocks at 13:9:7 Friday November 12 99
Di Canio update «« The Hammers are very concerned that Paolo Di Canio could be facing up to an extended lay off due to his damaged ankle ligaments. The Italian international has missed West Ham's last three Premiership games with the problem. He returned to action in the UEFA Cup defeat against Steaua Bucharest last Thursday but, after some rather brutal treatment from the Romanian's, his league comeback has been put on hold. TEAMtalk sources suggest that he will miss all this month's league fixtures - the visits of former side Sheffield Wednesday and the re-match with Liverpool. He could be back in time for the Worthington Cup clash at Birmingham before a Premiership comeback against Spurs on December 5. Harry Redknapp refuses to give a clear indication though by saying:"I don't know when he will be fit again."

Hannah at 13:8:8 Friday November 12 99
How can a film about death be great ? I'm not scared of much but am petrified of death and dying. Can we change the topic to something else please ?

Hannah at 13:5:47 Friday November 12 99
afternoon all ! Yossa i'm glad you are OK. Paolo - make sure you are wearing rubber soled - shoes just in case.

Quizmaster at 13:2:46 Friday November 12 99
Talking about great death films, does anyone remember "Rollerball" from about 1976/77 ?

Paolo at 12:35:28 Friday November 12 99
I've just swapped Kitson for Hartson in my fantasy team. I am now waiting for lightning to strike me dead....

B at 12:27:44 Friday November 12 99
Whats a Zebra ? 26 sizes bigger that an "A" bra

Olw at 12:22:59 Friday November 12 99
Daz: not here. They are quite respectful of pedestrians. It is other motorists who they don't get on with.

Dazza rember in g Death Race 2000, what a great film! at 12:7:25 Friday November 12 99
I'm sure Zebra crossings in europe only serve as bonus points to drivers if they bag a pedestrian on a crossing its more points

Olw at 12:4:29 Friday November 12 99
Paolo: same goes for parking on pavements. You are lucky in the UK as your pavement are quite wide, here they are often only about 3-4 foot broad. And that means you have to walk in the road and brave the madmen in their macchine. Still, at least they avoid you when you cross the road.

Olw at 12:2:9 Friday November 12 99
Dazza: good job he's not a pharmacist (ha ha ha). Mahoo: all that stuff you described is par for the course here , mate. You get used to it after a while. It you didn't you would go potty.

Mahoolah at 11:45:57 Friday November 12 99
Dazza : Bet him his house that England win then pray they do.

Adam at 11:43:52 Friday November 12 99
I reckon a dour 0-0 tomorrow. Lets face it we're not that good and the Scots are worse. That will set it up nicely for the return, when I'll be there.

Dazza at 11:37:59 Friday November 12 99
I've be girlfriends ol' man for dinner tonight...AND HE'S A SWEATY!!!!!!!.....What shall I do???

Mahoolah at 11:35:51 Friday November 12 99
Ian , , although am a little busy to have a 16 page rant today, although I will say that I am now officially anti - 4 X 4 drivers apart from Land Rovers made before 1980, cos they are a class apart. This morning I was filtering on to a traffic jam form the slip road, got to the very end of the strip, with a wanker in a range rover purposefully bloking my every attempt to get in the lane. WANKER! there was no reason why he didn;t let me in other than he was a wanker who had a big car. GRR. And there was another bloke last night on his mobile, skidding to a halt on the pelican crossing I was on. Boy did I give him a peice of my mind about using the phone on the move. Cunt still didn't hang up though. So I waved my brolly at him threateningly and felt a bit better. Then me bird started going on about how I was just as grumpy as my dad when I did things like that, shouting at people in cars. Anyway, I'm still too busy for all of this, and I've already rambled on too much, but I'm glad Yoss is okay but I have to go now theres people wanting password resets and access permissions to their document servers I don;t know users, who needs em. I just had to describe to someone how to do a cntrl alt delte, they were obvously a two finger typist as they couldn't grasp the idea of using three fingers at once so all the keys were pressed at the same time I mean its a microsoft basic, isn;t iot? Anyway bye now oops just misewd that call they hung up won;t look good on the ststs never mind, the boss is away today, funny how you get more work done when the boss isn;t here cos when she is here shes always telling you to do things which makes me not want to do them (I'm a bit obstreperous at times you see), but when she's not here the job of avoiding work is so easy that it getys boring so you have to start dping work otherwise you're completely bored. Have we discussed the game tommorrow? I have a sneaky suspicion that Scotland will win this one quite easily, it will be another abject performance from the england boys, Keegans doing a bit of a redknapp playing campbell at right back (if he does) in fact England have done a bit of a West HAm recently, look good against the good teams (well not even that really with england) but bad against the bad ones. Ooops got to go for real now, I hope this isn;t too long seems like I've been typoing for ages Hello everyone I havent said hi to already

Readey at 11:34:9 Friday November 12 99
Got my car nicked a while back by some little northern jerkoid, their the little feckers that want shooting. Score for tomorrow 2-1 Engerland, jocks to score first. Mobile phones should be banned from buses and trains especially if they answer ' I'm just by the roundabout, near the brewery'.

Paolo at 11:25:17 Friday November 12 99
Anyway, what I really wanted to say was doesn't this strike you as a little odd - "Carrick has played in the Premiership this season so his arrival should be a massive boost to Swindon at a time when they are struggling to create too many chances in front of goal." And there was me thinking we'd been "struggling to create too many chances in front of goal" - but I must have been mistaken. Silly me.

Paolo at 11:23:31 Friday November 12 99
Soot?!!!! bugger, bugger, bugger

Paolo at 11:23:1 Friday November 12 99
As a non car owner I'd soot a lot more than just mobile phone users! People who park on the pavement for starters.

Yossa at 11:13:49 Friday November 12 99
Nope I manged to stop in time i was about 30 yards behind the van that was crashed into watching the other van coming spinning accross the road was almost sureal. Most say police were there quick.

Quizmaster at 11:11:23 Friday November 12 99
Yossa, was there any damage to your car ?

Ian in Northampton at 11:7:19 Friday November 12 99
Olw: I'd vote for that. And if you think Italian driving is awful, try Texan driving sometime - crossing four lanes from the fast lane to the ramp in less than fifty yards at 60mph, kids sitting in the back of open pickups - and no-one drives without a 36oz soft drink in their hand....

Yossa at 11:5:20 Friday November 12 99
Mrs Yossa is fine she wasnt in the car with me and she does not know about it yet it was just past the old poly when it happened

Olw at 11:1:5 Friday November 12 99
Finally, I think hands free is not the answer. You should be doing nothing but concentrating on driving when you are at the wheel.

Olw at 10:59:30 Friday November 12 99
As for driving, you should see what goes on over here. For example you will NEVER see anyone wearing a seatbelt. OFTEN you will see women talking to their young kid who is STANDING beside them leaning against the dashboard. Fog lights? Many cars don't even have lights on when it's dark. One way streets? What the fuck are they? And then there are the scooter riders. I've seen girls riding along on their vespas (no helmet needless to say) doing their nails, doing their makeup, looking backwards chatting to their mate on the pillion. No wonder you see so many young people limping over here.

Olw at 10:55:17 Friday November 12 99
Longbridge Road, eh? What memories I have of that thoroughfare. Events behind various bushes, waking up in the bus garage, school, BT, hmm. Glad Y is okay, personally I am more concerned about the welfare of Mrs Yoss and the unborn one.

Niki at 10:48:37 Friday November 12 99
My old college is down Longbridge Road. Considering hands-free is only a Fiver these days ther are no excuses. Glad to hear you're OK Yossa.

Ian in Northampton at 10:46:34 Friday November 12 99
People who drive using mobiles should be shot - but not until after various unplasant things have been done to their extremities. All companies who expect their people to use mobile phones and expect them to have to drive should be required by law to fit hands-free car kits. It REALLY REALLY pisses me off to see the dickhead in front weaving from side to side, slowing down/speeding up etc. etc. because he's using his mobile. STUPID BASTARD!! And when we've cleared those twats off the road, perhaps we could have some sort of pogram on the arseholes who a) put their rear fog lights on when it gets cloudy, b) leave them on, c) don't switch them off when they're in traffic. I bet M has feelings on these subjects also....

Yossa at 10:36:52 Friday November 12 99
Yeah im not hurt we were driving along and then this van on the other side of the road clips a parked car spins out and smashes into the car in front. The women in the van was stuck at first but I managed to help her out blood everywhere. I suppose it sevres as a lesson to those who drive while using there moblies like she was

Ian in Northampton at 10:26:49 Friday November 12 99
Yossa: given that you still have use of your hands and access to a computer, presumably you're OK?

Yossa at 10:15:36 Friday November 12 99
Morning everyone im feeling a bit scoobied today as i was involved in car crash this morning in longbridge road(barking) it was like being in one of those programnes on TV police camera action

Ian in Northampton at 8:49:42 Friday November 12 99
' mornin' all!

Comment at 8:32:44 Friday November 12 99
WEST HAM are obviously going upmarket. Hammers chairman Terence Brown is throwing his money into a West End stage production called 'L'Eau des Collines'. It has nothing to do with John Collines, either. What next? Neil Ruddock on The South Bank Show

Newsfelch at 8:20:23 Friday November 12 99
Swindon manager Jimmy Quinn has ended his search for a loan signing by bringing West Ham's highly-rated teenager Michael Carrick to club. Carrick, 18, has arrived at the County Ground on a month's contract to end a month long search for a loan forward for Quinn. The first year professional is well thought of within the game and Swindon boss Quinn says he has been trying for a long time to bring him to the club. And he has finally succeeded in persuading the Hammers to release Carrick and the teenager will now go straight into contention to make his debut in the division one match at home to Norwich on Friday evening. Carrick is rated alongside Joe Cole as the most talented of the excellent West Ham team which won the FA Youth Cup last season. And he has been involved with the first team at Upton Park for much of this season, which is why Swindon have had to wait so long before they could finally bring him to the County Ground. And Quinn believes the youngster is going to be a valuable addition to the squad on a short term basis while West Ham boss Harry Redknapp believes the experience will be good for the player's career. Quinn said:"I was actually trying to bring Michael to the club before we signed Paul Thirlwell but he was involved with the first team at West Ham. "They have had a lot of injuries and they couldn't afford to let him leave but now a few of their injuries have cleared up and Harry Redknapp has been good enough to let us have him for a month. "He's a very good player who has been on the bench for West Ham all season so I'm sure he will be a good addition to the squad. "He's two-footed, he's good in the air and can get a goal. He can play in behind the front two and is very, very good on the ball. I'm delighted to have him." Carrick has played in the Premiership this season so his arrival should be a massive boost to Swindon at a time when they are struggling to create too many chances in front of goal.

Adam at 19:56:27 Thursday November 11 99
Hello is anybody here?

Paolo at 18:11:14 Thursday November 11 99
PS - thanks to those who answered my 'penalties' questions

Paolo at 18:10:37 Thursday November 11 99
Finally get a chance to get on Alf's and no bugger's posted since 4:50!! Ah well, good evening to the night shift anyway.

Steve at 16:50:29 Thursday November 11 99
Anon: Yes.

Dazza at 16:38:45 Thursday November 11 99
Those of you who have made you predictions for this week can see how you fare against the rest in your judgements. Click on the Prediction League link and view the 'predictions' link

Saracen in in work and working at 16:13:30 Thursday November 11 99
It was hoolie rent a cliche time, and to come up with so little after 18 months shows that general hoolie type activity is very marginal relative to its heyday. The geezers were nasty, but 95% talk. Giving Nazi salutes is pathetic, the whole thing was more juvenile than anything else. My god at one point he got an offensive banner out, then pegged it!! And as for laying into some blokes standing there drinking with an iron bar, beneath contempt for its cowardice and spite.

New Bloke in Bow at 15:32:54 Thursday November 11 99
95% of these guys have no life - I've met loads of 'em down the years and still know a few. They concentrate all their efforts into violence, be it at football or associated with right/left wing organisations - then get a bird, get married and are never heard of again. Obviously there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

Adam at 14:29:48 Thursday November 11 99
if they really are the Chiefs then fair play to the BBC. They might be nutters but they were so thick, no wonder the far right has never been able to make any impression in this country as it has done around Europe, with meatheads like them in it they thankfully never will.

New Bloke in Beckton at 14:22:30 Thursday November 11 99
Be fair though guys - dense maybe, but would YOU like to come face to face with them? Fair play to the BBC, they didn't pick out indians - the guys on there are the chiefs. I just can't believe it was worth 18 months of that blokes life (and maybe the rest of it) for the little that he got.

Olw at 13:54:52 Thursday November 11 99
Tommy's gone quiet. I thought he was an expert on hoolies?

Adam at 13:44:57 Thursday November 11 99
Chelsea have been right stitched up by that programme, most of these programmes make the hooligans look frightening. But these boys were just shown to be extremely dense, Nazis and like schoolboys.

Dazza at 13:36:48 Thursday November 11 99
If they were the 'real deal' then they a brain dead thugs who aren't patriotic, aren't footy fans and aren't human. It just seemed so false that these chelsea 'fans' (who were supposed to be the 'top boys') let a total stranger into their little group without a hint of suspicion and told him about slicing a copper in the throat and all the rumbles they had etc etc....but then again I aint a footy hooligan so I wouldnt know

Dazza at 13:36:47 Thursday November 11 99
If they were the 'real deal' then they a brain dead thugs who aren't patriotic, aren't footy fans and aren't human. It just seemed so false that these chelsea 'fans' (who were supposed to be the 'top boys') let a total stranger into theie little group without a hint of suspicion and told him about slicing a copper in the throat and all the rumbles they had etc etc....but then again I aint a footy hooligan so I wouldnt know

CRD at 13:22:32 Thursday November 11 99
I dont know how that bloke wasn't rumbled by the Chelsea mob - he stuck out like a sore thumb I thought

vhwd g at 13:18:8 Thursday November 11 99
ngfdn

Quizmaster at 13:14:39 Thursday November 11 99
Dazza, do you think they knew they were being filmed ? To me it seemed real enough.

Dazza at 13:7:32 Thursday November 11 99
That thing about Chelscum last night.... Best Actors I've seen since I watched I.D. and The Firm...The whole program was one big cliche about hooligans....what a load of ol' tosh

Niki at 12:59:3 Thursday November 11 99
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Quizmaster at 12:39:44 Thursday November 11 99
Anyone see the program on the chelsea headhunters last night ? some reporter went undercover for a year and secretly filmed them in action. What a bunch of scum .

Hannah at 12:13:48 Thursday November 11 99
Normal B*llocks being posted in here then I see !

Dazza at 12:11:0 Thursday November 11 99
looks like everyones busy today!!!

Anon at 12:0:37 Thursday November 11 99
You still busy Steve ?????????????????????????

Steve at 10:19:46 Thursday November 11 99
Sorry, can't stop - too busy.

Niki at 1:26:40 Thursday November 11 99
Who are you calling a slacker?

Dave iP at 1:19:55 Thursday November 11 99
Still at bloody work!!!!! Where are you, you bunch of fucking slackers?!?!?!?!?

Tom my at 17:34:44 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam,thanks for your comments,they were appreciated Vive la difference Tom

Adam at 17:1:54 Wednesday November 10 99
I got it off the numbers off of Olw's hole and the official one

Mahoolah at 16:59:23 Wednesday November 10 99
But how do you get the actual numbers in the first place?

Adam at 16:56:31 Wednesday November 10 99
The site is http://www.ripe.net/db/whois.html I'm off now. Bye

Mahoolah at 16:55:16 Wednesday November 10 99
How do you get the IP adresses adam?

Adam at 16:52:43 Wednesday November 10 99
Marvellous, that has made my day, I was getting worried. BTW whoever posted as me earlier I have your IP address

Ian in Northampton at 16:50:5 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam: how kind. 'Old' Ian is busting hcs chops at a tradeshow in Cologne, but will be back at the end of the week. I've been reading but, until now, no time to contribute... Prost!

Adam at 16:24:31 Wednesday November 10 99
Where is old Ian, I've got to admit I'm missing the old boy. Dazza, I'm sorry I cant help, I've heard the word "goal" talked about by some older fans but I'm afraid I cant recall the meaning.

Yossa at 16:24:28 Wednesday November 10 99
Hide the cheese anyone or parcheesey

Dazza at 16:6:50 Wednesday November 10 99
I saw a B+W video last night of WHU and they did something very strange on it. Some bloke in C+B kicked this spherical shaped object into a mesh type holding device and then went loopy with delight. They said he's 'scored a goal' I was wondering if anyone could explain what this meant??

Adam at 16:2:7 Wednesday November 10 99
Phew just done a couple of hours work non-stop. BTW Nick I posted my first entry at 10:12am but I was only on for a sec. I knew that wasnt Tommy with the abusive comments, but Tommy there is a way of checking to see who done it, i cant remember how to do it though but Niki said in one of the old messages. I was just thinking, when Julian was playing for us, we always got penalties but since then hardly any at all.

Tom my at 15:51:42 Wednesday November 10 99
Yossa.cool,but you have to understand,it was'nt me who posted the Fuck off comments.I realise we are opposed at most matters work and political,i do not care,our opinions are equal in their value to the debate.What i cannot tolerate is someone posting anonymous messages in someones name to muddy the waters...that is not fair. Oh,and as it happens,please take my commments as tongue in cheek,the day i reach Baldwin status..i will top myself... Cheers, Tom

Yossa at 15:47:10 Wednesday November 10 99
Paulo re birmingham im sure stans going to have a suprise or two for stan versus sincs should be a great tussle

Tom my at 15:46:50 Wednesday November 10 99
Pity, a decent site, decent arguments ruined by anonymous postings made by you know who.. never mind I'm off Tom

Yossa at 15:46:2 Wednesday November 10 99
Tom I wasnt having a go st you personally I just felt that some of your comments were wrong in my opinion

Hannah at 15:32:15 Wednesday November 10 99
welcome back Paolo - i missed ya !

Hannah at 15:29:44 Wednesday November 10 99
afternoon you buggers ! if you are talking about cheese you have forgotten these : Gorgonzola, stilton, wensleydale, brie and parmesan that makes you breath smell !

Dave iP at 15:22:47 Wednesday November 10 99
Paolo: Game at UP where FLJ missed: Metz. Last one: vs Liverpool at Anfield last season, again Frankm took it, scored at the Kop end (1st half). 3: I'd guess Frank takes them now, others would be any four PDC, Keller, Stimac, TTS, Stevie Lomas and Kitson depending on injuries/Subs. Personally I'd worry about JC taking one this early, but can't wait for Stuart Pearce to be able to do it.

Mike the Hammer at 14:58:13 Wednesday November 10 99
Speak to you all Monday,ladies and gentlemen

Tom my at 14:33:44 Wednesday November 10 99
So apologies Nick/Yossa..if i have something to say in disagreement with your comments,i would do you the service of answering your points as wittily as i could possibly muster."Fuck you" is probably ground breaking stuff for the weak little arsehole actually posting.sad innit...bet he did'nt vote Conservative.!

Paolo at 14:29:39 Wednesday November 10 99
PS - we were chatting about penalties this morning (with the Birmingham game in mind!) - can anyone remember the last penalty they saw at UP? I remember one that FLJ missed (but I can't remember which game) and I think that was the last one I saw - when was the one before that? And while I'm at it, who takes penalties for us now? If it goes to penalties against Birmingham who would be your 5 to take them?

Mahoolah at 14:27:54 Wednesday November 10 99
Where yhou bin boy? Since you been gone, I can only tak using cheey rock songs or like a dominating Americsn Army Sargeant. Do I make myself clear?

Mike the Hammer at 14:27:43 Wednesday November 10 99
Tom my,I knew it wasn't you mate! You would be far more elaborate in any insults you passed.

Paolo at 14:26:19 Wednesday November 10 99
Anyone miss me? Thought not! Just been catching up - what did Abouuuuuuu say about H on telly? On Teamfibs H reckons we've got 4 strikers - who are they?!! Anyone on here old enough to remember what it felt like when we scored a goal........

Tom my at 14:24:48 Wednesday November 10 99
Whoa,some silly little imp is posting messages in my name(not funny)..so Nick,Yossa,all i can say,is that they have not come from me.And to prove that this is the real Tom my,remember how Schobie used to play along with various memebers of the Dench family on the Hisa coach..or remember what game game we went to in Italy.!

Ian St John at 14:24:19 Wednesday November 10 99
Wheeeee!

Olw at 14:19:51 Wednesday November 10 99
Alf's for politics, Olw's for football, C&C for cheese. You know it makes sense.

Mahoolah at 14:10:49 Wednesday November 10 99
I agreed with my own position on cheeses! Eat more cheese and be nice to other cheeses.

Nick at 14:8:50 Wednesday November 10 99
Tom my, my comments to Adam wre concerning what I thought were extrememly unwarranted remarks toward you. I agree with your position on employees.

Mahoolah at 14:7:15 Wednesday November 10 99
Believe in Cheeses of Nazereth!

Mahoolah at 14:6:47 Wednesday November 10 99
Believe in the cheese and it will guide you! Cheeses christ our savoir died in a fondue for our sins!

Mahoolah at 14:6:9 Wednesday November 10 99
You cheeses don't know your born! Cheese out while you still can, offer cheese to your friends and always help out other cheeses if you can. Rememebr "No cheese is bad cheese"

Mahoolah at 14:3:59 Wednesday November 10 99
Cheese out dudes.....pull up some cusions and eat some cheese! ChilL!

Tom my at 13:57:56 Wednesday November 10 99
And fuck off Yossa as well

Tom my at 13:57:10 Wednesday November 10 99
Fuck off Nick you tosser

yOSSA at 13:56:43 Wednesday November 10 99
No offense Tom but I dont think id like to work for you you sound like a real thatcherite. I'm sorry to say this as well but a lot of your stuff makes you come accross as some kind of arrogant mike balwdin character.

Nick at 13:50:8 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam, Just an observation, I'm not your boss but you've been on here since 10.12 am I think you should do some work before your new boss gets upset with you - and your comments.

Adam at 13:48:6 Wednesday November 10 99
Right my time's up, i'm going to do some work for the rest of the day. Tommy we should continue our political discussions on another boring football day.

Adam at 13:42:36 Wednesday November 10 99
What comments about Tommy?

Mahoolah at 13:41:56 Wednesday November 10 99
Weird Pizza typoe cheese you get in dairylea lunchables?

Mahoolah at 13:41:38 Wednesday November 10 99
Safeways Savers Cheese Slices?

Mahoolah at 13:41:22 Wednesday November 10 99
Dairylea?

Mahoolah at 13:41:13 Wednesday November 10 99
Port Salut?

Mike the Hammer at 13:41:1 Wednesday November 10 99
About Tom my.

Mahoolah at 13:40:56 Wednesday November 10 99
Pomnevek?

Mahoolah at 13:40:44 Wednesday November 10 99
Ricotta?

Adam at 13:39:47 Wednesday November 10 99
Mike, What comments?

Mike the Hammer at 13:37:40 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam,are you serious with your comments?

Tom my at 13:37:28 Wednesday November 10 99
No,Adam you are mistaken...and not for the first time,but carry on in this vein if it makes you feel better.

Adam at 13:34:42 Wednesday November 10 99
Blimey Tommy you really are in love with yourself

Tom my at 13:34:26 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam,you are still on probationary period remember.....gosh,he takes a pay rise one minute

Adam at 13:31:43 Wednesday November 10 99
Nobody likes a smart c*nt

Tom my at 13:31:31 Wednesday November 10 99
And dear Rhr...most owners of succesful companies work a long time with little or no staff (except family members)to build up a business thereby creating the opportunity to provide jobs. If you have done this you will have apprecaited it,if you have'nt,then how can you possibly comment(in a manner that forms reasoned argument)..but carry on,the masses love you.

Tom my at 13:29:10 Wednesday November 10 99
Oh dear,is that the best you can do?

Rabbit Hutch Ron at 13:26:11 Wednesday November 10 99
The whole bleeding lot-shoved up Tommy's Big Boss Backside.

Adam at 13:19:23 Wednesday November 10 99
I like Parmesan

Mahoolah at 13:17:57 Wednesday November 10 99
Red Windsor?

Mahoolah at 13:17:38 Wednesday November 10 99
Dorset Blue Vinny?

Mahoolah at 13:17:22 Wednesday November 10 99
Emmenthal?

Mahoolah at 13:17:10 Wednesday November 10 99
Smoked Austrian?

Mahoolah at 13:16:47 Wednesday November 10 99
Greek Feta?

Mahoolah at 13:16:15 Wednesday November 10 99
Mozarella?

Rabbit Hutch Ron at 13:15:46 Wednesday November 10 99
"Largesse" my arse Tommy!(well YOUR arse actually to be more accurate). That largesse is nothing more than the surplus created by your workers. Stolen by you. And then, you have the cheek to threaten your staff about using the internet. Meanwhile you spend the day pouring over pornography and other wank related nonsense at your leisure. I know just the cure for you Tommy-boy.

Tom my at 13:15:24 Wednesday November 10 99
It takes,luck,hard work,crookedness to develop a business,i am guilty of all three....thick as Fuck?...i've been called worst..and by my peers too!

DR Ian Paisley at 13:13:52 Wednesday November 10 99
You scumbags, LoL means Loyal Orange Lodge. For God, Ulster and the Protestant Faith

Adam at 13:11:35 Wednesday November 10 99
I am now on lunch so I am permitted to use the internet for 1 hour.

Adam at 13:10:5 Wednesday November 10 99
I doubt it Tommy, you sound as thick as f*ck

Tom my at 13:7:54 Wednesday November 10 99
Rhr.And how do the staff enjoy their "fatness".could it possibly be from the largesse of my hard work in first creating positions...surely not eh?......

Rabbit Hutch Ron at 12:56:24 Wednesday November 10 99
Just a few comments re this mornings mails: Milosevic is still shit. Collymore will always be shit. Therefore yes they would both be fine signings in the great Harry tradition. LOL! One other thing-Tommy,its your staff who earn the profits that keep you fat.

Niki at 12:36:55 Wednesday November 10 99
Just (ahem) checking that all the links are working, and noticed that West Ham have played the least amount of home games in the Prem. 5 compared to Manure's 8.

Kristian in Oslo at 12:20:1 Wednesday November 10 99
Hi all. What crap..WHU..(had to get it out). At least the Hammers didn`t loose to Chelscum. Well: I checked the spanish Primera Division. And was surprised to find that the second best goalscorer there now is Savo Milosevic...10 goals...lol! Yeah, Villa...he`s shit....ahem. Wasn`t Harry interested at some time?

Readey at 12:15:0 Wednesday November 10 99
That lol meant 'laugh out loud' BTW........TTFN.

Mike the Hammer at 12:12:50 Wednesday November 10 99
Or as a West Ham right back 'leave out Lomas'

Readey at 12:9:4 Wednesday November 10 99
I always thought lol meant 'lots of love'..........lol, Readey.

Tom my at 11:59:28 Wednesday November 10 99
Can you take up smoking also.? I run a mean health plan(with the emphasis on mean)

Mike the Hammer at 11:57:29 Wednesday November 10 99
Cheers Tom my.

Adam at 11:56:48 Wednesday November 10 99
Cheers mate a pay rise already

Tom my at 11:54:38 Wednesday November 10 99
A breeze,a snip,a piece of cake,socialists are easy to boss around..just give one of them a pay rise and watch the fraternal brothers fight among themselves....management at its finest...divide and rule

Tom my at 11:53:7 Wednesday November 10 99
Denchy..it means i am told by my internet abusing staff to mean "laughing out loud"

Adam at 11:52:33 Wednesday November 10 99
Ok, but only if you act like a total fascist (which should be easy)

Tom my Down Under at 11:48:25 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam,can i come and be your boss,the smoke breaks are more than my current holiday allocation

Mike the Hammer at 11:47:39 Wednesday November 10 99
Tom my,what does lol mean ( Other than Schobie's brother)?

Tom my Down Under at 11:47:29 Wednesday November 10 99
Only if you promise to act like a complete and utter socialist.....

adam at 11:46:22 Wednesday November 10 99
Tommy, Please can I come and work for you.

Adam at 11:40:8 Wednesday November 10 99
Smokers normally have at least 3 breaks in a day (my boss included) and at about 10-15 mins a time, it probably totals near to an hour a day, doing something that is far more damaging than putting about 5 entries a day on a West Ham message board (which takes up about 3 mins+ about 30 mins looking)

Tom my at 11:39:0 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam,as the owner of a small company,i have just reread the contract issued to my staff.In it,it specifically warns against abuse(detailed therein)of the company property including phones/access time etc.I am therefore giving them every chance at the outset. If people choose to ignore this point,they must be accountable.Believe me,no one would enjoy paying the huge telecoms bill i incur every quarter.

Tom my at 11:35:4 Wednesday November 10 99
Mute point Adam,do you really confine yourself to 15 minutes access a day..lol Tom

Tom my at 11:33:25 Wednesday November 10 99
Sure,that is an example of abuse of power,and is totally unacceptable.The problem is that we now have sophisticated methods of detection,but we are dealing with man who is a relatively unsophisticated machine. I have noticed a trend towards the "Americanisation" in employee relations which i find quite scary.My business partner is based in California,and he is liable for damages if his secretary is offended by bad language in a fax I SEND TO HIM!....It's no end of fun to type... "Dear Doug, My Dick is itching today you motherfucker,how's it hanging with you...?.The contact for the Arabs is finalised....etc etc Regards Tom"

Mike the Hammer at 11:33:16 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam,something tells me that NO company would see it that way!

Adam at 11:29:25 Wednesday November 10 99
As far as I see it Tommy, if smokers are allowed 15 mins breaks on company time, then I'm allowed internet access for that time. As long as I do all my work that should be ok.

Adam at 11:27:5 Wednesday November 10 99
Tommy, the scary thing is they were getting rid of people for personal reasons. One woman who didnt get on with her boss, was talking to a fellow employee in the rest room. She said she was scared that if her boyfriend ever met her boss he might beat him up. This was videotaped, she was sacked and then charged by police with conspiracy to commit GBH, obviously the charge was kicked out immediately. The thing is these days its all one way, workers rights are being stripped down to next to nothing. Soon we'll all become slaves.

Mike the Hammer at 11:25:1 Wednesday November 10 99
All our phone calls are taped anyway,and have been for years.

Tom my at 11:23:1 Wednesday November 10 99
Or here is another example...for years,warehouse/retail staff have accepted the companies right to check their belongings when they leave the company.This is solely to prevent the theft of company assets.Why therefore,should'nt these same companies take action against office staff to prevent the companies time and monies(both assests)from being stolen. If staff acted honestly,there would be no need for this,but human nature being what it is,everyone suffers from the actions of a few.

Mike the Hammer at 11:19:23 Wednesday November 10 99
Oh,er is that the time? Er,I really must be going,er bye.

Tom my at 11:13:29 Wednesday November 10 99
Adam,why is the fact that bosses are allowed to protect their interests "scary".I would be interested in the number of users on this site currently abusing their company work time to post messages here!

Tom my Down Under at 11:10:11 Wednesday November 10 99
He's the imperial version of Juninho,and a distant cousin to El Nino(i.e he blows hot and cold)

Yossa at 11:8:46 Wednesday November 10 99
I think Olw means Pinchoet but i hear real madrid want a piece of the ex quasi fascist leader for themselves

Adam at 10:51:42 Wednesday November 10 99
OLW, who is Pintinho? is he any good or the normal West Ham striker.

Olw at 10:41:17 Wednesday November 10 99
Pintinho will be available on a Bosman come January 1st.

Mike the Hammer at 10:16:36 Wednesday November 10 99
I can't see us getting anyone in,unless Kitson goes in a swap deal.

Niki at 10:13:2 Wednesday November 10 99
You can bet your life that Harry will say he hasn't got any money to buy a new striker with. They've spent it on a load of crocked defenders.

Adam at 10:12:12 Wednesday November 10 99
Did anyone watch that programme on Channel 4 last night about Bosses snooping on their employees at work. Looking at e-mails, monitoring Internet sites, tapping phones and using covert cameras. Very scary, big brother is with us now.

Tom my at 10:3:23 Wednesday November 10 99
The alternatives are A)Doing absolute nothing about the goal scoring situation(possible)...b)Playing to some of our strikers strenghts(don't bank on it)...c)Promoting someone from the stiffs(no one good enough remotely)..d)Playing Sinclair up front(worth a try?)...e)Going for a lower league proven scorer...(lee hughes for example)but sill money......f)discovering a hitherto overseas diamond(very unlikely)..or g)purchasing another foreign ageing donkey.....ih shit..i am off to Ladbrokes

Niki at 9:59:54 Wednesday November 10 99
So Walsall have sent back Abouuuuu for being pants. All of a sudden our glut of strikers doesn't look so comfortable. I don't rate Kitson at all, but I'd still rather have him on the bench than Samassi

Mike the Hammer at 9:58:57 Wednesday November 10 99
Would that be a psychiatrist,or a manager?I think the former needs to be done first,before the latter comes about.

yOSSA at 9:57:55 Wednesday November 10 99
Harry said last season he thought about colly at one point but said no

Tom my at 9:51:9 Wednesday November 10 99
I quite like Collywobble....someone is going to get him "right" one day.......

Mike the Hammer at 9:49:31 Wednesday November 10 99
Did they let Rix give them out before the game then?

Niki at 9:47:58 Wednesday November 10 99
I was just reading the Ironworks report of the Chelsea game, and Ian Challis wrote "Despite being pelted with milk bottles from the upper tier...." They were those little white jelly milk-bottle do-dahs and not the glass variety!!

Mike the Hammer at 7:10:19 Wednesday November 10 99
Morning all.Collymore? With his track record he should be joining the arse...Wouldn't want him.Hardly proven himself over the last 18 months,with 1 goal in the last 9 months.

Tom my at 17:52:19 Tuesday November 9 99
Harry fancies himself as a bit of a social worker....

Gary in Grimthorpe at 17:21:26 Tuesday November 9 99
Only West Ham fans could be so perverted as to spend their time wanking in smelly cheese.And you lot used to call me strange!

Olw at 17:3:37 Tuesday November 9 99
Mahoo: De Bilde sounds like another PDC! Tom: be serious :0)

Tom my at 17:0:51 Tuesday November 9 99
I wonder if H fancies his chances at giving Collywobble a go.?....the price could be right.......

Mahoolah at 16:57:45 Tuesday November 9 99
'The beast' that shouyld be

Mahoolah at 16:57:20 Tuesday November 9 99
From what I've seen on MOTD De Bilde is a crakcing player, grteat touch and can beat men in the box with his turns. Bit of pace about him too. The only reason he left the continent was disciplinary problems. The Best they usec to call him.

Olw at 16:41:2 Tuesday November 9 99
Young English strikers are too expensive. DJ or MJ will surely be 5 or 6 million each. The Builder will be 2-3, I'd guess. I'm just happy that we're getting shot of Shitson at long last.

Griff at 16:35:24 Tuesday November 9 99
Talking of cheap strikers, Blackburn ars looking to offload 4 or 5 players, one of which is Matt Jansen.

Olw at 16:34:12 Tuesday November 9 99
Yossa, old //Cheese - I am most interested in the continuation of your line. I will even buy you a celebratory beer should you be available come November 26th ish.

Yossa at 16:31:17 Tuesday November 9 99
Well its what is/was king geroge prefer the oldchurch myself but Mrs Yossa did want to have a birthing pool which has been knocked on the head.I have new catchphrase for this page Anyone care to de-cheese my knob it would fit in well on this page i think. Stirkers my thoughts are david johnson if we could get him if not how about?. There is a dearth of cheap stirkers we could afford unless our arry really believes as i argued earlier in alexander holligan garcia or my bet defoe who at 16 is already got a few reserves games under his belt

Olw at 16:31:5 Tuesday November 9 99
Adam: I was pro-De Bilde earlier coz I saw him playing for PSV/Waloonia and he looked shit hot and with attitude. But Wednesday stink and I wonder if he is that good after all.

Olw in Cheddar at 16:27:48 Tuesday November 9 99
Dazza: join the //cheese at http://beseen3.looksmart.com/chat/rooms/f/13306/Login.html

Adam at 16:18:33 Tuesday November 9 99
Sorry I havent been able to contribute much today but I have been very busy for once in my life. Where are The Usual Suspects; Mahoolah, Paolo and of course Ian in Northampton? Anyway, earlier I posted that we should go for Gilles De Bilde, well i forgot we were very close to signing him pre-season. I reckon this is Harry's masterstroke, Sheff Wed are resigned to Div One and are going to cut their wage bill in preparation for the envitable demise. So if we have the necessary readies than De Bilde is ours.

Dazza at 16:18:6 Tuesday November 9 99
Whats all this cheese lark????

Mike the Hammer at 15:41:22 Tuesday November 9 99
Ooeerrr.

Anon at 15:36:40 Tuesday November 9 99
MTH and Hannah to share a cheese fondle ?

Mike the Hammer at 15:28:49 Tuesday November 9 99
If Kitson goes to Liverpool Hannah,I will take you out to dinner.I'll give you the missus phone number,so you can tell her!

Hannah at 15:25:46 Tuesday November 9 99
Olw - meet me in cheese now

Hannah at 15:24:34 Tuesday November 9 99
Yossa - you can always have a moan to me - I'll understand !! Mike - seems like I aon't the only one to have heard the rumour - have you seen a morning posting in OLW's hole ? If he does go to Liverpool then i shall make you take me out to dinner !!

Mike the Hammer at 15:13:55 Tuesday November 9 99
Yossa,which hospital are you planning to have the littl'un?

Yossa at 15:11:43 Tuesday November 9 99
Were still waiting for it to break the waters. To be honest im not looking forward to that bit i just hope it happens somewhere wheres theres a bit of lino. Of course with a missus with just over 8 days to go I am suffering from several complaints myself but is anyone intrested are they fuck

Kitson at 15:8:9 Tuesday November 9 99
I maybe going to Forest and I had a note from my mum as well about missing games

Olw at 15:6:41 Tuesday November 9 99
Hannah: I only do my love-making on the //cheese

Mike the Hammer at 15:1:23 Tuesday November 9 99
Sorry Hannah,but it is a little bit far fetched!

Hannah at 15:0:53 Tuesday November 9 99
Olw - is that a real invitation ?? if so come over here baby !!

Mike the Hammer at 15:0:33 Tuesday November 9 99
We'd end up with Bill,or maybe Steve,as he used to play for Melchester Rovers....

Hannah at 15:0:10 Tuesday November 9 99
Michael - less of the sarcasm - I was only passing on some bullshit that I heard last night.Do you honestly think that I woul have believed it or thought the notion true ? Actually - don't answer that !!!

Olw at 15:0:4 Tuesday November 9 99
Hannah: eat my //cheese!

Olw at 14:59:2 Tuesday November 9 99
We'll do a swap for Owen shall we?

Mike the Hammer at 14:57:14 Tuesday November 9 99
So Kitson can't get first team footie,so he goes to Liverpool where he can't get first team footie?Or is the Kitson /Owen strikeforce about to be unleashed?

Hannah at 14:56:38 Tuesday November 9 99
Yossa - how is Mrs Y doing ? D-Day is looming !!

Hannah at 14:54:50 Tuesday November 9 99
One of my mates ( the liverpool supporter ) came over last night and reckoned that liverpool are putting in a bid for unfitson at 1.5 million - I told him he was a liar - but he believed it true as he'd got it of LFC Team fibs!

Hannah at 14:53:14 Tuesday November 9 99
There is life in alfs !! I had a fax thingy sent to me today - one of them competition lines things to win England V Scotland tickets . I rang it - someones gotta win ! Heres the number if anyone wants it - 0906 736 0320 - gotta be worth a try !!

Mike the Hammer at 14:52:25 Tuesday November 9 99
Afternoon ladies and gentlemen.Looks like Kitson will be going,so who replaces him? Other than the obvious swap with Salas,looks like it will be a Div.2 player if anything.I'd probably expect one of the Bristol Rovers lads.Roberts or er....the other one.Johnson and Lee Hughes would cost too much for us,and anyone else would want first team footie,which they aint gonna get.I think Kitson will go,and no one will come in,and the money will disapperar into the Boards wallets,er I mean the rebuilding coffers.

Dazza at 14:46:39 Tuesday November 9 99
**** me, things have changed a bit since I got thrown off the net at work....where is everyone??? surley not working??

Yossa at 14:43:0 Tuesday November 9 99
Bit Slow in here isnt anyone fancy discussing anything non dairy products based

Hannah at 14:41:28 Tuesday November 9 99
Afternoon xx

Dazza at 13:14:22 Tuesday November 9 99
Prediction League will continue this week despite no Premier games. This week will really sort out the spawny b'stards from the ones that know their footy....... You'll be emailled by tomorrow morn. Anyone not currently in the Prediction League and would like to email me......

Rabbit Hutch Ron at 13:7:18 Tuesday November 9 99
Just wondering if that stuff at the end of my knob is cheese ?

Teamtalk at 13:1:3 Tuesday November 9 99
Harry Redknapp, of course, doesn't want any players who don't want to play for The Hammers.

Baz at 12:49:3 Tuesday November 9 99
I do solemnly declare that there shall be no more mentioning of //cheese on Alf's.

Tom my at 12:41:21 Tuesday November 9 99
Should'nt that be a hitmaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwnnn ?

Baz in irony at 12:18:36 Tuesday November 9 99
And they call him a "hitman"!!!!!!!!!!

Griff at 11:33:44 Tuesday November 9 99
Walsall have sent Samassi Abou back to West Ham after the striker failed to score in eight appearances. The Ivory Coast born hitman joined the first division strugglers on a month's loan with a view to a permanent move, but he failed to impress manager Ray Graydon. The 26-year-old six-footer joined the Hammers in 1997 from French club Cannes for £300,000. Abou also had a loan spell with Ipswich Town last December scoring one goal in five appearances.

Griff at 11:33:5 Tuesday November 9 99
Brian Little looks set to make an ambitious move to try and sign West Ham's unsettled striker Paul Kitson. Little is desperate to add some much needed firepower to the struggling squad and feels that Kitson could be the answer to his problems, after Fabian de Freitas and James Quinn have both struggled when they've partnered Lee Hughes in attack. West Ham are ready to listen to offers for Kitson who is said to be unhappy at being left out of Harry Redknapp's plans. The former Newcastle and Derby County front man played a major part in helping the Hammers stave off relegation from the Premiership back in 1997, but with the arrival of Paulo Wanchope and Paolo Di Canio he has gradually seen his first team opportunities diminish and he is known to be unhappy. The final straw came on Sunday when he was left on the bench for the 0-0 draw at Chelsea despite Di Canio being absent due to suspension. Kitson has a couple of years left on his Upton Park contract but says that he will not sit around in the reserves.

Adam at 11:30:49 Tuesday November 9 99
I have just been reading that Sheff Wed are going to dramatically cut their wage bill, off loading various players. One of them is Gilles De Bilde, why dont we sign him as replacement for Kitson. He looks quite good and has got a great name.

Mike the Hammer at 11:29:21 Tuesday November 9 99
Anyone free for a beer today?

Mike the Hammer at 11:4:21 Tuesday November 9 99
Morning Tom my.Welcome back!

Tom my at 10:58:28 Tuesday November 9 99
Bedevilled by Jet Lag,confused by Tactics,and absolutely bamboozled by the Cheese thing.....time to go back to bed i think.

Mike the Hammer at 10:54:59 Tuesday November 9 99
Just 16,pick up truck.Out of money,out of //cheese.Got no place to call my own,hit the //cheese,here I go.I'm running //cheese yeah,I'm running //cheese.

Bruce Dickinson at 10:39:15 Tuesday November 9 99
Run to the //cheeeese.

Mike the Hammer at 10:22:48 Tuesday November 9 99
French man came,across the sea,he brought us pain ,and smelly //cheese.We fought him hard,we fought him well,but they came back with babybel....

Mahoolah at 10:12:49 Tuesday November 9 99
There I was completely wasted, out of work and downm, all inside its so frustrating asd I drift from //cheese to //cheese, feel as though nobody cares, if I live or die, so I might as well begin to pput some //cheese in my life...der ner ner ner....breaking the //cheese, breaking the //cheese, free-ow, breaking the //cheese , breaking the //cheese

Angus Young at 9:59:43 Tuesday November 9 99
//CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!

Angus Young at 9:59:3 Tuesday November 9 99
In the beginning, back in 1955, man never knew about the rock 'n' roll show, or all that jive. The white man had the stomp, the black man had the blues, but Tchaikovsky had the news, he said let there be drums, let there be guitars, let there be...

Angus Young at 9:55:43 Tuesday November 9 99
I'm on the Highway to //cheese (da-la-la da da) , Highway to //cheese (da-la-la da da) etc

Angus Young at 9:53:52 Tuesday November 9 99
David Coverdale can suck my //cheese !!!

Mahoolah in concert with whitesnake at 9:49:18 Tuesday November 9 99
I was born under a bad //cheese, left out in the cold, And I'm a lonely man who know just what it means to lose your //cheese. So I took all the heart ache, and I turned it to //cheese, now I'm movin' movin' on and I ain't takin the blame, so don't come running to me you know I've done all I can, a hard lovin' woman like you just need a hard lovin' //cheese, so I can say it to ya babe I'll be a fgool for your //cheese no more, a fool for your //cheese no more, I'm so tired of tryin' I always end up cryoin', fool for your //cheese no more, I'll be a fool for your //cheese no more.......der ner der ner der ner , der ner der ner der ner......

Angus Young at 9:28:21 Tuesday November 9 99
Hell - ain't a bad place to //cheese...

Mike the Hammer at 9:7:56 Tuesday November 9 99
Deee dee dee dee dee dee dum 'ANGUS!, ANGUS!'

Angus Young at 9:1:9 Tuesday November 9 99
If you want //cheese, you've got it...

Baz at 8:22:19 Tuesday November 9 99
//cheese debate now raging on //lips & //cheese.

Mike the Hammer at 7:32:1 Tuesday November 9 99
If you compare our results so far with the ones against the same teams last season- swapping Forest for Sunderland,Blackburn for Bradford,Charlton for Watford,then we have: this season ( last season ) Played 13 ( 13 ) Won 5 ( 4 ) Drawn 3 ( 3 ) Lost 5 ( 6 ) For 12 ( 9 ) Against 11 ( 24 ) Points 18 ( 15 )..........Doesn't seem so bad now.......

Mike the Hammer at 6:50:31 Tuesday November 9 99
Good morning all.

Hannah at 16:11:15 Monday November 8 99
afternoon chaps ! What the bloody hell happened to Alfs on Friday - couldn't get in for love nor money !

Mahoolah at 15:57:28 Monday November 8 99
www.gunweb.com/forums/selfdefense/index.cgi Waht fun.

Mike the Hammer at 15:26:29 Monday November 8 99
Yossa 1 MtH 0. Anything is possible.

Adam at 15:25:4 Monday November 8 99
Surely the Unfit one is worth more than £1.5M, more like £2.5M. The only thing is there aint many decent forwards around for the price we'll be looking at, not in England anyway.

Yossa at 15:24:49 Monday November 8 99
MtH what were the chances of trevor sinclair ending up at west ham for 1.6 mil plus dowie and keith' cant even get a game at qpr 'rowland

Griff at 15:12:24 Monday November 8 99
Afternoon all. As much as I hate Arse, It was a class v-sign from that Ljunberg bloke. I haven't laughed so much in ages - well, Carrs own goal at least.

Mike the Hammer at 15:9:41 Monday November 8 99
As Harry ( Hill ) would say 'What are the chances of that happening?'

Yossa at 15:6:24 Monday November 8 99
How about this for a bit of harry wheeler and dealing we sell kitson in part exhange for David Johnson of Ipswhich through in Manny as a free gift

Mike the Hammer at 14:40:38 Monday November 8 99
Apology accepted.

Adam at 14:39:50 Monday November 8 99
Sorry Mike, i'm letting my current hatred of Arsenal dilute my hatred for the Tottscum.

Mike the Hammer at 14:30:39 Monday November 8 99
Adam,there is no need for that sort of language on this site.whl,home of the totts or shite hart lane will suffice.In full AND in capitals!

Adam at 14:23:21 Monday November 8 99
Mr Gilzean, you seem to forget we are only 5 points behind you, with us having 2 home games next and your lot with 2 away we could well be above you by the time we come to White Hart Lane. BTW Does anyone know when we play Soton at home?

Baz at 14:7:3 Monday November 8 99
One or two important goals aside, I think Kitson stinks. I hope we manage to get someon edecent in his stead although I hope TTS will no wget a run upfront with AN slipping into RWB (why Lomas? why Lomas? why Lomas?).

Mike the Hammer at 13:55:49 Monday November 8 99
Ah Mr Gilzean,still reminiscing are we? Those were the days......

Mike the Hammer at 13:54:38 Monday November 8 99
Kitson will go,as Harry isn't going to drop porkchop.So it will stay as Di Canio and porkchop,with Sinclair filling in when necessary,until the season ends.I think Riedle would be a very good short-term signing,but I'm not even sure if he's still at the scousers.

Alan Gilzean at 13:53:26 Monday November 8 99
...And Spurs trounce Arsenal scum to move 6th in the Premiership while West Ham flounder mid-table.Ah yes, normal service is being resumed.

Pieman at 13:50:52 Monday November 8 99
Rob, I totally agree. Wenger has created this us v the world mentality, and it has back fired. They are a shower of moaning cheating pricks who deserved get the line for their foul play (rant over).

Mike the Hammer at 13:50:11 Monday November 8 99
And so it came to pass that the moaning French git appeared in the Bleedah's gallery....

Rabbit Hutch Ron at 13:48:52 Monday November 8 99
Re Kitson:I can't understand Harry not playing him-he's a class player and should be a fixture in the side. Rumour has it Spurs will buy him AND Hartson and try and rekindle the old magic-a tad ambitious I'd say as Hartson is a fat lazy sod.I'd like to see us sign Reidle from Liverpool and play him alongside Kitson-he wouldn't cost much money and would be the ideal target man for Kitson to play off.

Rob at 13:47:29 Monday November 8 99
Arsenal, and in particular Arsehole Whinger, are getting right on my tits lately. Wankers.

Mike the Hammer at 13:40:25 Monday November 8 99
Bleedah is whoever is top of your hatelist at the mom.

Rob at 13:23:58 Monday November 8 99
What's this Bleedah whatsname?

Mike the Hammer at 13:23:55 Monday November 8 99
Me.

Rob at 13:22:44 Monday November 8 99
Who's about?

Pieman at 13:22:12 Monday November 8 99
Kitson is dead right to be peeved. He did everything right in pre season, got the vital first goal of the season v Jokerit, and the settling goal away to Osijek. Meanwhile the bubble has burst for Porks, who deserved a stint on the bench, but Harry had to justify spending a near fortune. It is a kick in the teeth to have a winger picked ahead of you. Has Harry forgotten that its thanx to Kits (& Fatso) that we were kept up a few seasons ago.

Mike the Hammer at 13:19:58 Monday November 8 99
I think Kitson has been treated pretty poorly,and can fully understand why he's got the hump.Harry must have something against him.

Pieman at 13:17:18 Monday November 8 99
who is the man!!!!! Numero uno, by 7 points. (this weeks predictions were brought to you by Nosteramus and Mystic Meg, with a little help from our friends in SE Asia!)

Mahoolah at 13:15:22 Monday November 8 99
Kitsoff more like.

Yossa at 13:12:37 Monday November 8 99
I take it no one wants to discuss kitson

Arsehole Whinger at 11:44:53 Monday November 8 99
I shall be reporting you to the FA for that off the cuff racist remark.

Baz at 11:40:2 Monday November 8 99
Is Pieman Malaysian?

Niki at 11:34:55 Monday November 8 99
Pieman! 22 points in the Prediction League! Blimey.

Yossa at 11:29:13 Monday November 8 99
Whats going on with Kitson It looks like the lads going to leave leaving us a bit spare upfront Heres my thinking with Harry having cover for Trevor at RWB ie newton charles hes going to let Trevor play up front. He belives that Gavin Holligan or Gary Alexander or Garcia or maybe even Defoe can do a job. He needs to cut the wage bill even further and so this is one of the ways of cutting it. Harry intends to use Kitson as a deal maker for purhcasing some other clubs striker perhaps david hirst as hes injured as much as Paul. Discuss?

Mike the Hammer at 11:25:33 Monday November 8 99
On the dartboard in The Boleyn.

Niki at 11:23:28 Monday November 8 99
I need pictures of Bleedas. Where can I find a picture of last Thursday's Ref??

Adam at 10:44:43 Monday November 8 99
A good point yesterday and thankfully the fixture run from hell is over. We have only played 5 home games out of 13 matches and are still 11th. Who the hell does the fixtures as soon as I saw this run pre-season I knew we could be in trouble. I'm sure we cant have many more games like Steaua and Sunderland where we have 25 shots or more and score no more than 1.

Pieman at 10:40:42 Monday November 8 99
Carling net has it that Harry is willing to let Kitson leave. Personally, I hope this is bull. You need a strong squad if you want to win a trophy these days. IF Harry wasnt so bull thick stubborn about not dropping Porkchops, Kitson would be in the middle of a long stint in the side (and would have probably scored a few too).

Chicken Run Dave at 10:22:8 Monday November 8 99
A good point away from home - but still no goals - where are they going to come from ?

Mike the Hammer at 9:53:51 Monday November 8 99
He wasn't motivated enough.He still wouldn't have been the player we first bought.I think he needed the change.

Mahoolah at 9:51:37 Monday November 8 99
When I see BFJH scoring goals like he is I can;t help thinking if only we could have got him fit, he's exactly the sort of bloke we need at the moment.

Mike the Hammer at 9:2:27 Monday November 8 99
No! Well,only for a couple of points. 1) He has a stinker against us. 2) He joins totts for very large wedge and then plays like an absolute muppet until he goes elsewehere.

Old Cockney at 9:1:7 Monday November 8 99
If a man goes out with a barrel full of apples in the rain and comes back with an empty barrel he would be a mug to go out with oranges the next day.

Steve at 9:0:26 Monday November 8 99
Am I the only one pleased to see FJH having a good run of form?

Mike the Hammer at 8:46:51 Monday November 8 99
Greetings M.

Mahoolah at 8:43:54 Monday November 8 99
Marnin' Mr. Hammer

Mike the Hammer at 6:59:12 Monday November 8 99
Morning all.Bleedah has got to be the ref last Thursday.

Dazza at 19:49:22 Sunday November 7 99
RE bleedah...any Arse scumbag, or Berko for his comments a few weeks ago

Ian in Northampton at 10:22:2 Sunday November 7 99
Whoo hoo - Alf's is back!

Niki at 13:57:9 Saturday November 6 99
Any suggestions for this week's Bleedah?

Nik at 13:56:45 Saturday November 6 99
Afternoon Griff

Griff at 13:30:1 Saturday November 6 99
This is a bit more like it! Glad to see you're back.

Dazza at 23:5:28 Friday November 5 99
test

Dazza at 23:5:3 Friday November 5 99
whaheyyyyyyy its working again...(just like my PC!!!)

Alf in Wapping at 21:7:37 Friday November 5 99
Well, there's not much point in waiting for those Bleedah's to recover the lost data when I've got a perfectly good Moans Page waiting to be used. The server is still playing up though - don't blame me if it all goes arse-up again soon. Lower West Scott, how are you doing geezer? Thanks for saying my site's the Mutts Nutz!!

Come on you Irons 1999