ALL CHANGE!!

Alf's Moans Page has moved to our new server at

www.comeonyouirons.com/moans/alfs.htm

Don't forget to update your Favourites!


Francis in UK at 19:39:3 Thursday April 13 2000
Hi there Hammers fan, I must say you have a great site, very slick. I'd also like to draw your attention to a new football web site called MatchON.com. They have a huge football database, Europe's largest apparently, and live up to the second match day coverage. Why not check them out for yourself and tell us what you think. Thanks, Francis.

Tom my at 18:55:20 Thursday April 13 2000
Book early Dazza,nearly all of the best gutters have gone already. We can offer a side gutter with outside toilet and early morning call.

Dazza at 18:29:57 Thursday April 13 2000
AHAAA, I s'pose it helps if you read previous postings......Tom my, sounds good.....If anyone could recommend a decent gutter to kip in after kickin' out time then I'm up for it

Dazza at 18:26:53 Thursday April 13 2000
Whats all this about a piss up ?????

Tom my at 16:45:11 Thursday April 13 2000
Before eight Metz....we are not savages....actually,looking at Mangler slurping his way through several Schnapps and Vodka drinks last night Meths may be an improvement.

Ian in Northampton at 16:34:22 Thursday April 13 2000
Tom my: Metz or meths?

Nik at 16:30:34 Thursday April 13 2000
We're coming back for the game though!!

Tom my at 15:59:19 Thursday April 13 2000
Bloody hell, sounds like a big do, all we are having is a bottle of Metz and 56 straws...Cheesy sticks anyone?

Nik at 15:52:46 Thursday April 13 2000
Tom my, erm, a bit of Northern, but all sorts really from Jazz to RnB. It can probably best be described as 'Essex Soul' - hailing from clubs like the Goldmine on Canvey Island in the disco era of the late 70s and early 80s, and revolving around a handful of DJs - Chris Hill, Robbie Vincent, Greg Edwards & Froggy mainly. Paulo, Oi! An old hippy like you will never understand what it is to be in a Caravan Park ballroom with 2,000 friendly, like minded people; drinking pints of Snakebite and Black, at 1 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon - then they play that old Lou Rawls track you haven't heard in years.... Heaven comes to Great Yarmouth twice a year!

Paolo at 15:24:17 Thursday April 13 2000
Don't start Niki on about soul music! Next thing you know all sorts of weird people pop out of the woodwork and this site starts to look like Olws on a bad day!

Tom my at 14:51:29 Thursday April 13 2000
Niki,is that Northern Soul stuff?,and no jellied eels I am afaid, us lot on the Retard's site have'nt got the stomach for them.(well we have,but not in that sort of way).

Dan in a crazy dream at 14:43:25 Thursday April 13 2000
I had this dream last night that West Ham were playing Newcastle in a driving rain, without their most effective player Trevor Sinclair (rumoured to be going to the GCs in the summer - if he does I will have to kill somebody) and were being outplayed and outwitted for an hour. Newcastle were creating chance after chance and hit the bar twice in quick succession, and West Ham were offering nothing, playing the flat back five and five headless chickens formation. Then, and this is where it starts to get stupid, Harry Redknapp, with a full thirty minutes left on the clock, made not one but two substitutions - at the same time! He actually brought off the fat useless Ruddock, somehow finally noticing what everyone else had years ago. On came Charles, an orthodox right-back whose performances at the club to date had left a lot to be desired, and Wanchope, for whom the same applies only ten-fold. It looked like a somewhat hopeful move, but suddenly West Ham started to develop some shape, adopting an attacking 4-3-3 formation, and at 1-0 down it seemed highly intelligent. Intelligent/Redknapp? Yes, I know! Now there was some movement from midfield, the so-far lethargic looking captain, Di Canio, started to come to life a bit more. And it was he, who made room for a cross which sailed over the box and just within reach of the jumping Wanchope who connected well and guided it towards the left hand side of the goal, Shay Given's fingertips not able to keep it out. There was now only one team likely to win it as West Ham continued to press forwards. Joe Cole made room on the edge of the box to rifle a shot on target, but Given produced a great save. And as the game seemed to be drifting towards the draw tha would probably have been fair, Di Canio slotted the ball into Wanchope with his back to goal but his first touch was bad (no shit!) and the ball seemed to be slipping away from him, but he managed to turn and shoot past Given into the middle of the goal. In the 90th minute, for a 2-1 victory. How ridiculous is that?

Nik at 14:40:45 Thursday April 13 2000
Tom my, did you need my permission??? No problems mate, quite a few of us Alfies usually attend these dos anyway. Unfortunately the regular party-goers will all be at the Caister Soul Weekender on 29th, so we can't make this one. I'm sure you'll all have a great time. Who's providing the bowl of eels?

Ian in Northampton at 14:26:42 Thursday April 13 2000
Paolo: nice one. I saw that in The Times (let's not anyone start that argument again, people) and though there was something ironic about it, but couldn't put my finger on what it was. Now I know. Thnaks for the welcome back, by the way. Anyone seen Mahoolah? I've been reading regularly, but when I've been moved to write, I've been too busy, and when I haven't been too busy, I couldn't be arsed to contribute to whatever bollocksial debate was taking place at the time.

Tom my at 14:23:29 Thursday April 13 2000
Niki,With your permission, we would like to extend an open invitation to any(and we mean any) of Alf's regular posters to the Mangler end of season do....Details are as follows. You are all very welcome to come and make a complete prat of yourselves................Mangler Enterprises are pleased to announce their end of season ball. Officially entitled "The Retard's Ball"(aka Harry strikes back) it will be held after the Middlesborough Home game on the 29th April 2000. The venue will be(once again) the White Hart in Whitechapel. This is situated very close to Whitechapel tube station(turn left out of station,pub is on your left about 100 yds down.) Guests(for want of a better word) are invited to begin turning up between 19..45 and 20.00. Official local greeter for the night will be Stepney Bri. You will recognise him as a tall good looking bloke who can;t dance. The pub is we believe, open until 2 in the morning,,food will be laid on free of charge for all those attending, the beer is plentiful and cheap and there will be live music to get you all wishing you were yuonger so you did'nt quite look such a cunt. There will be a number of special awards during the evening, and drugs and illicitly brewed alcohol will also be available.(only joking about the awards). The last do held at Christmas was a nice affair with quite a mixed bunch attending. We stress that everyone is welcome at this do,the for's and anti's will get together and laugh over differences in the tradition of West Ham fan's sticking together. So whether you are a lurker or a poster, please ,please do come down and have a fucking good time, it's what the season and this site is all about. To establish how many persons we have to provide provsions for, kindly shout "I'm coming"(though not very loudly if you work in an office) by posting a message on this site, or by E-Mailing me at cricklewood55@hotmail.com If there are any lurkers who have questions, or a little nervous about attending or being left out because they do not know anyone, have no fear,you will be treated with the upmost respect for at least 5 minutes. You can also contact Mangler directly at mangler@tinyonline.co.uk So,Whitechapel 29th April 19.45 be there or er don't be there. Cheers, Tom

Paolo at 13:53:53 Thursday April 13 2000
http://www.newsunlimited.co.uk/Breaking_News/UK/0,2478,123968,00.html - This guy gets a 3" nail shot into his head from a nail gun and doesn't realise it. When the doctor removes it he says it's lucky it didn't go into a vital part of the brain. They found out about the nail when the guy collapsed at Old Trafford, watching Man U. Draw your own conclusions.

Paolo at 13:35:57 Thursday April 13 2000
Ian - even Doddy doesn't worry about relegation these days! PS - welcome back.

Ian in Northampton at 13:33:2 Thursday April 13 2000
Hello, all - long time no whatever. Anyway, can I be the first to point out that, according to my - acknowledged suspect - arithmetic, we are now mathematically safe from relegation with six games to play. This would have been a major milestone/source of excitement only two or three seasons ago: the fact that it has come and gone unremarked (so far as I've seen) tells us a lot about how things/our expectations/our aspirations have changed.

Paolo at 12:57:7 Thursday April 13 2000
Hillsborough - 11 years on and still nobody has been procescuted - check this out: http://www.hillsboroughjustice.org.uk/ - remember it could have been you, or your kids.

Paolo at 12:16:51 Thursday April 13 2000
So will we now be playing Wanchop and Kanoute up front? If so, who do we sell to buy Kanoute?!! Adam's summary (below) is pretty fair, but I thought Foe had a pretty good game as well. Minto was a revelation - but (according to the Guardian) he should have been sent off! BTW, anyone reading the Guardian write-up - ignore it it's mostly bollocks - they just shaded the first half (when both sides were pretty crap), but the second was ours totally. They weren't unlucky, they were justly beaten by a better side. And Shearer is crap - and a dirty bastard - elbow up at every opportunity.

Nik at 12:3:10 Thursday April 13 2000
First sign of madness, yeah I know!

Niki at 12:1:53 Thursday April 13 2000
The Evening Standard had a piece about the Carling Opta ratings yesterday. Guess who's Opta Player of the Season so far.... Paulo Di Canio with an average Opta score of 1219!!

Niki at 11:46:48 Thursday April 13 2000
Andy iO, Sooper Craigy Forrest played through the pain last night - what a star. Stimac and Margas took his goal kicks for him after his first one went a bit awry. Other than that he made a couple of good saves in the first half (one off Ruddock!). Made the boys wince every time he had to kick the ball though.

Hilary Clinton at 8:8:54 Thursday April 13 2000
Paolo - Bollox you stuck up little prick.

Adam at 23:40:41 Wednesday April 12 2000
By the way that first half was crap, cold and wet and we should have been 2 down at least. Shearer is a total w*nker, how many times did he back into one of our defenders without even jumping.

Adam at 23:36:30 Wednesday April 12 2000
As soon as we got Ruddock off thinks started to happen. Got to say Harry made a balls up on his starting line up. But made up for bringing on Wanchopio and Gary Charles. I thought Charles played well and showed the use of having an orthodox right back. Wanchope looked a totally different player to what we've witnessed in the past. Minto also had a good game with a few crunching tackles and a few good runs. Whereas Keller was anonymous. To cap a 3 point night, who do I bump into on The Piccadilly Line, none other than Trevor Brooking. Don't know where he got off, he was still on when I got off at Turnpike Lane.

kaya in me bed at 22:7:26 Wednesday April 12 2000
bit less adventurous tonight. i just had cod and chips from the local takeaway at newington green.

Nik at 17:53:14 Wednesday April 12 2000
I'm going. Right now...

Paolo at 17:0:4 Wednesday April 12 2000
Hilary - as the wife of the President of the US of A, I really did expect your command of English to be better! On my way in 10 minutes - 2-1 to the Cockernee Boys!! (Am I the ONLY person on this site going to the game?!!!)

Paolo at 16:55:5 Wednesday April 12 2000
Nah! What's a little bit of rain. Geordies are at this very moment getting off the train and stripping off because it's so warm down here! Anyway, we have a top pitch these days, the rain just goes straight through - bit like my brolly.

Hillary Clinton at 16:54:52 Wednesday April 12 2000
I've never understood why the countries national anthem is played before a European club game when most of the sides a mostly filled with players from different nations.

GSCS in the shop buying a brolly........... at 16:41:50 Wednesday April 12 2000
Is the game in danger of being called off ?????

Teamlies at 15:33:4 Wednesday April 12 2000
Di Canio returns «« Paolo di Canio and Igor Stimac are poised for a recall to the line-up to face Newcastle United. Joe Cole and John Moncur will both have been grateful for the extra four days they've had to recover from their injuries, but the postponement, courtesy of Newcastle's involvement in the FA Cup semi-final, was never going to be enough for Steve Lomas' broken toe. Elsewhere, the Hammers only other concern is in goal where Harry Redknapp will be hoping for a successful late fitness test on Craig Forrest. Redknapp is insisting that Stephen Bywater will only play in emergencies, saying, "Stephen's only a kid and there's no doubt his confidence is still affected by the hard time he had in the Bradford game. "There is no doubt he'll be ready for Premiership football in the future, but not at the moment." Whoever plays in goal tonight will be operating behind a defensive trio of Stimac, Rio Ferdinand and Neil Ruddock. Ruddock won't let his close friendship with Alan Shearer get in the way of Ruddock's attempts to help the Hammers bounce back from the 7-1 reverse at Manchester United. For the visitors, they'll be missing Duncan Ferguson who was forced to fly back to Newcastle on Monday for a scan on the knee injury sustained in Sunday's Wembley defeat.

Paolo at 15:25:52 Wednesday April 12 2000
Wibble, wibble.

Nik at 14:55:26 Wednesday April 12 2000
The BBC News is covering the UEFA talks tonight. UEFA want a special dispensation for Football from the EU. They want to limit the number of foreign players in all National leagues, so that a team must have six players in the first team that are eligable for the National team. Chelsea would be stuffed! Paulo, first sign of madness mate.

Andyinottawa at 14:50:4 Wednesday April 12 2000
My first site visit for a couple of days, and all I find is Paolo valiantly trying to keep it alive. I haven't much to add, except to ask how our National Goalie will make out with his ruptured hernia or whatever. After 15 minutes of fame when Canada somehow won that CONCACAF Gold Cup, soccer has retired to its usual 1.5 column inches per week in the paper, but there was something about Canada needing to use a fourth choice goalie for the first world cup qualifier in June. Forrest is due to have an operation, presumably he's hoping to last until the end of the Premier season.

Paolo at 12:53:29 Wednesday April 12 2000
According to Teamtalk, DiCanion's back tonight and Ferguson is out. Nik - why not rename this site the 'Paolo talks to himself site'? Sad, but apparently accurate.

Paolo at 11:13:14 Wednesday April 12 2000
Now look chaps, we've got a big game tonight - win and we've still got a good chance of Europe again, lose and that's it for this season. They don't come much bigger than that. So let's have some NOISE on this site!!!

Paolo at 10:16:33 Wednesday April 12 2000
The great KUMB mystery is solved! Try http://www.kumb.co.uk instead of the url all the links give. If you're at work you can leave this running as a 'screen saver' - really annoys the Tots! Greeting Dazza - no chance of that mate, my 'social life' returns tomorrow!

Dazza at 20:29:41 Tuesday April 11 2000
Paolo, get a social life mate, you are beggining to sound like me!!!!

Paolo at 20:17:56 Tuesday April 11 2000
Hmmm, and I know where to put my apostrophes as well!

Paolo at 19:21:49 Tuesday April 11 2000
Hi im back I just want to say I hate you all I never have liked you

Dan at 19:19:5 Tuesday April 11 2000
Score for Wednesday West Ham 4 Newcastle 0

Kaya in the kitchen at 18:56:39 Tuesday April 11 2000
I just thought that I'd let you know that I am cooking a lovely shish kofte, with rice & vermicelli, gnocchi and a chilled yoghurt dressing. Cheers

Paolo at 16:45:41 Tuesday April 11 2000
Is that Israel, that well known European country?! Steve - my weird KUMB experience definitely did happen! I can't remember how I went in now, I may have gone via another site, so may have used a slightly different url, but I definitely did get a weird front page. It starts with words fading in and out that give you a brief history of the club (White Horse Final, World Cup, etc), then a badge is assembled and then spins and disappears into the distance - then the whole sequence repeats, It really is quite wacky, and deserves a wider audience. Maybe someone from KUMB is reading this and can explain it?

Steve at 15:59:54 Tuesday April 11 2000
Paolo: Tried KUMB and only get the ordinary stuff. No flashy animation in sight. Sure you haven't been on the Wacky Woodbines?

Steve at 15:54:28 Tuesday April 11 2000
Paolo: No, but then I don't understand anything. BTW everybody, the draw for the first three rounds of the InterTwobob have been made. IF we get in, our first opponents will be from Austria, Israel or Czech Republic.

Paolo at 13:41:26 Tuesday April 11 2000
What's going on?! I just went back to KUMB to check out the 'new' front page and it takes me straight into their home page instead! The first time I went in I got an animated page - anyone understand this?

Paolo at 13:37:4 Tuesday April 11 2000
I thought it might be, but at least it got a posting out of you! Greetings Steve, where on earth is everyone else?! Try out the KUMB site, it's got a new front page that's pretty impressive - leave it running and it actually works as a sort of screen saver.

Mr. Pedant at 13:32:30 Tuesday April 11 2000
P.S. It's a furrow not a farrow

Steve at 13:28:47 Tuesday April 11 2000
Hello Paolo, I'm here too, only v. busy. Baz: Welcome home old chap.

Paolo at 12:21:21 Tuesday April 11 2000
plogh, plugh, plough

Paolo - plogh in g a lonely farrow at 12:20:5 Tuesday April 11 2000
The kick-off time for Premiership games this weekend has been changed to 3,07pm as a mark of respect on the 11th anniversary of the Hillsborough Disaster. There will be a minutes silence before kick-off. (from Teamfibs)

Paolo at 11:19:17 Tuesday April 11 2000
It's starting to feel like it!!

Dazza at 10:44:40 Tuesday April 11 2000
No

Paolo at 10:36:27 Tuesday April 11 2000
Has this become my own personal website????

Paolo at 21:20:1 Monday April 10 2000
Yes!!! Paolo climbs to 9th! Europe is in my sights!

Paolo at 21:17:19 Monday April 10 2000
Greeting to all those sad gits like me still at work. No reason for this posting really, just wanted someone out there to know that I was still at work at 9:20!!! Thank God it's beer o'clock at last - I'm gasping!

Baz at 18:4:6 Monday April 10 2000
Hi all. Anyone got a spare ticket for Wednesday? Mail me!

Paolo at 16:34:18 Monday April 10 2000
How about this for an end-of-season climax - Leeds recent poor run continues and they slip out of the European placings, meanwhile we manage to get high enough to get into the Intertoto (which Leeds can't get into because they didn't register. It all depends on the last game of the season - if Leeds win their in the UEFA, if we win we're in the Intertoto. We win 2-1 - we end up in Europe and Leeds end up winning fuck all! That should make up for those many cold, humiliating hours spent at Elland Road, being shouted at by stewards!!

Paolo at 16:29:40 Monday April 10 2000
How come we're top of the Top 10 sites, with twice the votes of KUMB when there's only been 9 postings on here all day?!!

Tom my at 13:0:38 Monday April 10 2000
Paolo, Evidently, it is better for us if Chelsea win and get a champions leauge place. The Villa will take Chelsea's place as losing finalist(still with me?) and we have to then finish above Everton and Newcastle.

Paolo at 12:15:7 Monday April 10 2000
Presumably a Villa-Chelsea final is good for us, whoever wins? BTW - apparently Sunderland haven't applied for an Intertoto place, so we could end up 7th and still get in (I think!).

Nik at 11:59:46 Monday April 10 2000
What's the URL for Sports Review then?

Sid the Hammer at 10:57:19 Monday April 10 2000
I swear if we lose big time again. I'm gonna start supporting Chelsea. At least they're in Europe and an FA Cup final. Value for money is what I want and I'll take my money elsewhere if West ham don't produce the goods soon.

Newsdesk -NEWSFLASH at 10:51:6 Monday April 10 2000
Its official - Davor Sukas will be joining the Hammers in the summer. See Sports Review for latest.

Nik at 10:48:23 Monday April 10 2000
Norman, some people call it supporting your team. In our case it can also be referred to as masochism it's true. Switch off after 5? You mean you wouldn't listen until the bitter end even if we were losing by 20? Careful, you'll offend the die-hards.

Tom my at 10:47:48 Monday April 10 2000
But if we listen on the radio, we still won't be able to hear the Arse fans cheering even if they score 5. Much better to go to the game and watch them open their supporter manuals and turn to the chapter describing "How to celebrate a goal."

Norman in Hornchurch at 10:4:34 Monday April 10 2000
Amazes me why people are so eager to see us lose agianst the gunners that they're willing to pay for the privelage. Its free on Radio 5 live and you can switch it off when they net their 5th..

Meg at 9:56:44 Monday April 10 2000
West Ham will draw with Newcastle tomorrow night then lose away to Derby.

Pimp at 19:9:59 Sunday April 9 2000
The word on the streets is that in a vain effort to attract punters to the Pomeroy site, there are some resident strippers doing the rounds, taking your minds off of another Chelsea Wembley day out....watch this space brothers and em, brothers.

Dazza at 17:31:18 Sunday April 9 2000
So have I mate!!!!

Nik at 15:28:28 Sunday April 9 2000
Oi Daz, I've got a new e-mail address. Cool innit?

Griff at 8:4:14 Sunday April 9 2000
A What?

Dazza at 23:43:20 Saturday April 8 2000
I really must try and get myself a social life

Dazza at 20:30:18 Saturday April 8 2000
Anyone foolish enough, like myself to back Harry's tip for the natioanl will now realise that his racing knowledge is as good as his tactical knowledge....Earthmover fell at the 3rd!!!!!

Nik at 13:52:34 Saturday April 8 2000
Afternoon! There wasn't too bad a queue this morning, as Carl predicted ("nah, bollocks, we lost 7-1 last week, I'm not getting there till seven"). I turned up at 10 to 9, got sent on the bacon sarnie and rosie lee run, bunked in with Carl and Doddy (who had already bunked in with Paul Smith and Ian H) and we had 8 tickets for the Library (sssshhh) before 10. Sweet!

Paolo at 17:45:20 Friday April 7 2000
Busy on here today.

Club News at 14:31:20 Friday April 7 2000
HAMMERS REFUTE KANOUTE CLAIMS WEST HAM have dismissed reports that Frederic Kanoute had agreed to join the club on a permanent basis. Reports earlier today suggested that the French striker had committed his future to The Hammers and that his French club, Olympique Lyonais, had accepted a fee of £4million for the twenty-two year old. However, sources within Upton Park have dismissed the reports as premature and insisted that no deal had been done, although they were keen to stress that they are still working tirelessly to secure a permanent agreement. Hammers boss Harry Redknapp has been particularly impressed with the progress made by his loan signing, following his deadline day move. In a recent interview with the club web-site, Harry spoke of the strengths which the burly hitman brought to the Hammers line-up and left Irons fans in little doubt that he would be doing all he could to keep him at the club. "I've been very impressed with him. There's no doubt that he's an excellent young player" he enthused. "He's got pace, he's got strength, he's good in the air. He's got a good touch for a big man. He's just a good centre forward." "I'd like to think we could have him for next season - for sure. He's twenty-two and we need to buy good young players if we're to progress again next year." On a cautionary note, Harry conceded that if Frederic maintained his impressive start to his Hammers career then there was a danger that other clubs may look to hijack the deal. The challenge now for the club is to conclude a permanent deal before the vultures, inevitably, start circling around Upton Park.

Sky Sports at 14:30:46 Friday April 7 2000
KANOUTE TO SIGN PERMENANT DEAL French striker Frederic Kanoute is expected to turn down offers from Spurs, Arsenal and Liverpool and sign a four-year contract with West Ham. Last week Kanoute, 22, announced he wanted to stay at Upton Park after joining them on loan from Lyon. He has become an instant hit with the fans after scoring on his debut against Wimbledon two weeks ago. Kanoute said: "I do not want to play for anybody else. I hope a deal will be agreed soon." The asking price for Kanoute is expected to be around £4 million although Hammers boss, Harry Redknapp will try to get him for less. Redknapp may raise the cash for Kanoute by off-loading Costa Rican misfit Paulo Wanchope to interested Leicester after his disappointing season at West Ham. The French under-21 international is likely to be offered a contract worth £20,000 a week and the club hope to complete the move in time for next Wednesday’s match with Newcastle.

Paolo - go in g for five! at 13:0:45 Friday April 7 2000
That came out of Tony Parsons' new book 'Man and Boy' - an excellent book - buy it now! (Anyone who is hated by Julie Birchell so much is worth a read anyway!)

Paolo - mak in g it four in a row at 12:57:59 Friday April 7 2000
Two ducks take the honeymoon suite in a hotel, but when getting ready for bed they discover they haven't got any condoms. So the male duck rings room service and orders some. A few minutes later the door rings and there stands the bell boy with the condoms. "Do you want me to put this on your bill?", he says. "Do you think I'm some sort of pervert?!", says the duck.

Paolo at 12:55:55 Friday April 7 2000
I thought he was one of our best players, and still could be, and I was very sad to see him go (not to mention confused as to why we sold him). But our midfield does seem a bit crowded these days...

Paolo - ask in g if Hughes is available, should we have him back? at 12:54:29 Friday April 7 2000
Northern Ireland international winger Michael Hughes has confirmed that he will quit Wimbledon in the summer if Egil Olsen remains in charge at the club. The former West Ham, Strasbourg and Manchester City wideman has expressed his hurt after comments made by the Norwegian coach accused him of not playing for the team and ignoring his defensive duties. Hughes, the Dons Player of the Year last season, has hit back at Olsen with an attack on the way he is being treated. "If Egil stays, I'll be looking to move," Hughes confirmed. "he has apologised to me for the comments. He claimed he said positive things about me in interviews, which is strange because he never said those things to me," he added.

Paolo at 12:47:47 Friday April 7 2000
Apparently we are about to sign Kanoute for £4-5m - and Lomas has been playing with a broken toe!

Nik at 10:37:54 Friday April 7 2000
Anyone queuing for Library tickets tomorrow?

Russell & Steve in in the portakabin at 9:32:56 Friday April 7 2000
Never mind fuckin Lomas, next trime we play the scum give us all a fucking pain killing injection.

Teamtalk at 23:35:34 Thursday April 6 2000
Legend urges Rio to stay «« Hammers hero Trevor Brooking is trying to persuade defender Rio Ferdinand to stay at Upton Park. The 21-year-old is threatening to quit West Ham if Harry RedknappÕs side fail to start challenging for trophies. Former England international Brooking has said: "I hope Rio recognises the part West Ham have played in his development. He has to balance his needs and ambitions with the strengths of the club. I hope Rio reconsiders and is at West Ham for the foreseeable future." Ferdinand who has broken into the England international scene whilst with the Hammers has been linked with Italian giants AC Milan in recent days.

Sporting Life at 23:33:47 Thursday April 6 2000
LOMAS IS TOLD TO SIT IT OUT By Daily Mirror Staff West Ham skipper Steve Lomas could be out for three weeks after X-rays revealed he has been playing with a broken toe. Versatile Lomas, 28, was hurt while playing for Northern Ireland in Malta last week but played through the pain in the Hammers' 7-1 defeat at Manchester United on Saturday. But now Lomas has been told to rest. He said: "I had a pain-killing injection to play at Old Trafford - but I probably wish I hadn't! "I don't know exactly how long it will take to recover because I can't even get my shoe on."

Tom my at 17:48:43 Thursday April 6 2000
Erm actually you are the Spanner head . You are the one now posting as Joe,before that Tusb and before that anon. Isp addresses do not lie. Silly boy! ,but your own stupidity has made me laugh.

Nik at 17:23:10 Thursday April 6 2000
The ghostly Media Player is actually a little .wav of Alf saying "UPTHEHAMMERRS" - it's been there for months. It is a bit annoying though I'll fix it so it doesn't autoload.

Joe at 17:22:14 Thursday April 6 2000
Why would TUSB (what the fuck does that stand for??) contact you for Tom my-you're obviously a complete SpannerHead who hates his own country, which isn't a a problem, but for Gods sake stop banging on about it. And as for adopting this high moral tone re the tragedy in Turkey, OH PLEASE, what a pompous Arsehole you are. Do you have ANY friends? If so why not piss off and bore the pants off them instead. And take your TUSB alter ego with you

Tom my at 16:19:25 Thursday April 6 2000
And now that I have calmed down .Apologies for my language used in my last posting. Nor will you be surprised that the brave bhoy did'nt contact me. Once again, sorry for all this drivel. Tom

Jombo at 15:40:13 Thursday April 6 2000
at least it was two leeds fans. handy that.

Paolo at 13:58:53 Thursday April 6 2000
Nay, spooky!

Paolo at 13:58:32 Thursday April 6 2000
It happened to me as well! I popped into the Top 10 thingy and when I came back up popped Media Player. Weird.

Samba Boy at 13:37:51 Thursday April 6 2000
Why do I get media player when I click on "moans page" from the front page? Weird, nay spooky.

Jock McTavish at 12:54:5 Thursday April 6 2000
An Ode ta English rugby Ye come up here tae paradise, tae beat us at your game, Aw 'wind and piss and full o' shit, yer aw the bloody same, Ye caw yersels the champions, the nations most elite, Scotland are the champions, yuv just been f------ beat. A game that wis invented, fur English gentlemen, No Highland Jocks w' tartan frocks, well bliddy think again, A baw that's shapit like an egg, it's jist a stupit farse, A suppose it maks it easier, tae ram right up yer arse. So git back hame an lick yer wounds, yer a bunch o' stupit fools, It's time fur you tae cheat again, change the f------ rules, Rugby, fitba, cricket tae, yer jist a shower o chancers, Stick tae whit ye dae the best, you morris f------ dancers.

Tom my at 12:49:21 Thursday April 6 2000
Fat.oh dear...you really are a sad little sod are'nt you. But rather than make this uncomfortable for everyone else reading this, why don't you a) reveal who you are, or by carry it on away from here and we can sort this out face to face(i have got no worries about that, have you?).Contact me on cricklewood55@hotmail.com But stop it on here, i don't mind you hurling childish insults from your West of Ireland hovel ,but I do feel everyone else is heartily sick of this. Stand up and be counted cunt or fuck off.

Pomeroy at 12:47:39 Thursday April 6 2000
I blame the Leeds stabbings plain and simply on the shoulders of UEFA. If they hadn't been so cowardly and in panic style destroyed the format of European competitions this season, then Leeds wouldn't even be in Istanbul on account of Galatasaray already being eliminated from another competition. I also don't agree with teams hiding behind their cuntries flags. I have never been into the national game and believe if you support your team, you support your team, wear their colours fly their flags etc. As for TUSB, you are making yourself look a complete prick with your anal postings.

TUSB at 12:43:26 Thursday April 6 2000
Wank, wank , wank that's all you can come up with isn't it ? I didn't know the 2 guys killed, never heard of them, I feel sorry for their families and anyone who knew them but I'm not putting on sackcloth and ashes. Life goes on you sad fat wanker

Tom my at 12:40:28 Thursday April 6 2000
And looking at the topic under discussion Tusb, i bet you feel just fine for posting that.

Tom my at 12:38:50 Thursday April 6 2000
What got me is the obligatory quote from the F.A saying it would'nt affect our chances of staging blah blah. For God's sake, there are 2 people dead here, fuck the world cup right now.

TUSB at 12:37:50 Thursday April 6 2000
Tommy is still a wanker

Paolo at 12:34:12 Thursday April 6 2000
Just imagine if deaths like last nights were attributed to alcohol, rather than football, and then we had all the fuss we have about football violence, but directed against excess drinking instead. Football related violence would pale into utter insignificance. Just a thought.

HAMMERS THE HEIGHT OF FASHION at 10:52:8 Thursday April 6 2000
WEST HAM boast the best dressed fans in football, according to a new survey. The survey, commissioned by Burtons Menswear and Match Of The Day Magazine, revealed that the Hammers' fans were the most stylish in British soccer. Fans were assessed on various criteria, ranging from monthly clothing expenditure, to what they wore on match days. Over 1,200 supporters were canvassed from 102 clubs in both England and Scotland, to find the eventual winners. The Hammers beat off stiff competition from Sheffield United to claim the title of the nation's most fashion conscious speccies. Whilst, at the other end of the scale, it seems that the Midlands boast the country's worst turned out supporters, with West Brom, Leicester and Wolves occupying the bottom three positions. The Hammers' West London rivals, Chelsea, were found to be decidedly down-market when it comes to fashion, after finding themselves in 97th place. Manchester United also fared badly in the survey. The treble winners may have given Harry's boys a footballing lesson on Saturday, but, it seems, The Irons could teach United a thing or two when it comes to fashion. The survey also threw up a number of interesting findings about some of the Premiership's best known stars. For instance, David Beckham was, unsurprisingly, named as Britain's most image conscious footballer. However, most fans insisted that he was the one player they would be least likely to model themselves on. Meanwhile, Robbie Fowler was revealed as the star who fans would most like to share a pint with. Conversely, Stan Collymore was the player whom most supporters would avoid like the plague if they saw him down their local boozer.

Niki at 10:48:11 Thursday April 6 2000
Well said Kris. I hope you lot are going to talk about something else today. Especially after the tragedies in Istanbul last night - which only prove how pointless it all is.

kristian in shock! at 10:7:37 Thursday April 6 2000
Just realised: I might look silly no matter what I do :)

Kristian in Oslo at 10:4:13 Thursday April 6 2000
I fail to understand the point of any countrys flag at a club game. Nationality is IMHO a different thingie. Supporting a club should be exactly that: supporting a club. So why not wave club flags? For instance, it would look pretty silly if WHU bought a finnish player and I came over to Upton Park and waved a finnish flag around.... I reckon nationality/nationalism should be kept out of club football. Though I understand the opposite view. Only my opinion, nothing more. Cheers all.

James Caspell at 21:16:35 Wednesday April 5 2000
i'm back

Tom my at 14:54:23 Wednesday April 5 2000
And my Beagle puppy is called "Bertie" and the older Beagle is aptly called "Trouble".Now, can we PLEASE revert back to football talk and humour and dispense with needless personal attacks. ?

Tom my at 13:46:34 Wednesday April 5 2000
Tusb,born in Ireland,lived in England,southern rhodesia,netherlands and germany.I live now in cricklewood.All my family on both sides Irish. My home is here, and although i have the right to 2 passports,i choose British.(shock horror!).When English people wave the flag abroad, they are called "Little Englanders"..when the Irish do it "Its the Craic/Loyalty".My politics are my choice,and most wealthy Irish people I know prefer Maggie.Having married someone from Kiltimagh, i think i am more than qualified to discuss inbreding which(along with incest) has been prevalent for years in that town and county.Because you choose to disagree, that does not make me a prick.Posting as an "Anon" or such other "Witty"name where you cannot be clearly identified" does.Any more questions.?

Gareth Anon at 13:45:39 Wednesday April 5 2000
Paolo, My real surname is Anon, that is wjhat I have been known as for years.

TUSB at 12:58:15 Wednesday April 5 2000
Tommy IF you are from the Republic, and I seriously doubt it cuz I remember you saying you were from Crickelwood, why is it you never have anything good to say about it? You referred to "Bloody Tricolours" and "inbreds" yesterday, you also admire Maggie the Kunt Thatcher and no Irishman living or dead EVER admired her, even the bloody unionists hated that bitch.

Paolo at 12:7:38 Wednesday April 5 2000
PS - just thinking about the problems with 'Anons' and their purile comment, when it occurred to me to wonder why anybody bothers to be 'Anon', when you can be any name (or several) you like on here. What's the benefit of being 'Anon' when no one knows who you are anyway?! Some interesting psychology going on there.

Paolo at 12:5:18 Wednesday April 5 2000
Andyinottawa - good to see you on Alf's, ta for the url for the cartoon write-up, it made me laugh (which was a nice break after two days of puting up with all the 'funny' '7-1' remarks at work).

Carl. at 19:45:10 Tuesday April 4 2000
Just so I'm clear - I am not having a dig at the Irish (north or the republic) or for that matter at any other race or nationality I just don't like anonymous postings where people mouth off about other West Ham fans when they wouldn't have the nuts to say it to their faces.

Carl at 19:35:45 Tuesday April 4 2000
Anon, were you at OT? Thought not, so bollox to you. You seem to forget that it is Manc scum that sing anti-England songs, Argentina, we hate England etc and therefore when you see other nation's flags it simply perpetuates the view that the scum are again trying to slag off the rest of the country. BTW If I am bigoted it is only against postings where people hide under "Anon".

Tom my at 19:4:16 Tuesday April 4 2000
Actually Irish catholic from the Republic. Sorry to disappoint you. As you are based in Ireland, i would have thought you would be a little braver than to post as anon, but as i recall, there were some gobshites there also. Now don't forget little boy, save your spleen up overnight to you can post some more personal messages tomorrow.. It must hurt you so much to send me a message, after all, why would YOU possibly want to reply to my comments. Ta Ta O'Tosser...

Anon at 18:52:42 Tuesday April 4 2000
Trouble with Tom my is he's an Irish Unionist-the political equivalent of the old White supremacist elite in South Africa, and he just can't stand Tricolours at any event. It really winds him up, and any excuse to have a pop at same , even Scum Utd is grasped desperately by his bigoted little hands,in fairness he probably cant help it . He's been brought up to be backward in every sense of the word, and thats what he is. There really is no hope for you Tommy boy.

Ian in Canada at 17:42:7 Tuesday April 4 2000
Hi Andy. Agree with you completely on the Butt non-penalty but I also thought Keane cheated for his as well. I felt terrible for Forrest as it seemed everyone just packed it in at half-time.

Andyinottawa at 14:39:34 Tuesday April 4 2000
Hours ago (it's still early here), Paolo asked for the best write up of Saturday's "game". The best I can find is Ormondroyd's graphical version in the Grauniad at http://www.footballunlimited.co.uk/Games/Cartoon/0,6278,155262,00.html. (You have to scroll down past the FA cup semi first.) At least (s)he correctly calls Butt a cheat for the second penalty: I had many incensed moments watching the game live on TV here, but the worst was Butt's kick on his own calf and tumble down for the penalty. Still can't decide if he tripped himself by accident or something practiced on the training ground.

Tom my at 14:34:41 Tuesday April 4 2000
Scary beyond belief. They are only(Imho) a cover for the real madness that will evolve when the bidding for the rights start. There are so many overseas companies bidding(or building up their proposals at present) that they ultimate price paid will be empty stadiums. I saw a leaked document from a meeedja company 2 years ago, and it was assumed then that PL games would be shown live 5 or six days a week, every week. Add to this the far eastern companies who will also bid, and what price some odd kick off times to suit "Overseas Markets". With regards to PTV, some countries tried it with the local area to the game(e.g 50K radius) being blacked out to protect local support etc...on the whole ,it has been a failure.i see no such reservations from the money grabbing tossers at the Pl.

Pieman at 14:15:51 Tuesday April 4 2000
Tom my what do you think of the PL TV proposals?

Tom my at 14:14:0 Tuesday April 4 2000
Absolutely Pieman, and I would'nt like flag waving issues to detract from the real problems facing football.People like Adam have already espoused that in better terms than I certainly could. I looked at what is on the surface an impressively sized stadium on Saturday......then shuddered at where it is all going. The funny thing about is, that football fans collectively have a massively strong "Voice" which is underused in terms of protest. If ever clubs could unite in a common cause, there may be a chance of a sea change before it is to late.

Pieman at 13:56:36 Tuesday April 4 2000
I persume that the flag waving is a tribal message: "Here is one of my country, who is helping the cause of ManU (or whoever)." Then, for international matches, all the supporters of differing soccer clubs combine their support (and flags!) for the common good of the country. Personally, I see no problem with foreign fans waving their own countries flags at league soccer grounds. What I do object to is the corporates taking the seats of real 52-weeks-a-year supporters of the individual club (I think that you agree with this). It'll get to the stage at some clubs that the only place for real fans to watch their team play will be on the telly.

Tom my at 13:53:1 Tuesday April 4 2000
There you go,that was'nt difficult was it.

TUSB at 13:50:33 Tuesday April 4 2000
Tommy is a wanker

Tom my at 13:46:47 Tuesday April 4 2000
Fair comment Pieman, its just a differing point of view to mine(horrors!).At least you have the courage of your convicitons to put your name against something. Personally, if the Mancs supporters waved Keane flags,no problem, it's the sight of all those bloody tricolours at O/T. I think that most people realise the Cork Lowlife is Irish,so why "Harp" on about it.?

Pieman at 13:42:52 Tuesday April 4 2000
Tom my: I'm Irish, but I'd only fly a Irish flag at Upton if we had a world class Irish international (like Keane) playing for us. I'll never ever wave a Union Jack, even at a Hammers game, because to be from one country is enough for me!

Tom my at 13:34:28 Tuesday April 4 2000
If it's a retard site, why visit it?......the rest of your argument does'nt pan out.I thought Bilic was a good player too, but i did'nt wave a Croatian flag.Lastly, your opinions are just that...opinions, but do have the courage of your convictions to put your name against it wanker.

Anon at 13:29:50 Tuesday April 4 2000
Tom my has a more basic problem-he's a prick. What sort of Irishman "believes in supporting England"? Does that mean that as a West Ham supporter you believe in supporting Spurs?You've been dribbling on about bollox on this site for months now Tom my. Why not move to the Retard's site on Managler Chat?

Pieman at 12:52:39 Tuesday April 4 2000
Its all well and grand to have Tony Carr bursting his guts preparing young lads, but whats the point if Redknapp is not willing to give them a chance. The youths have had consecutive title winning seasons, yet who has made it through to first team/squad: Cole (who had a barrage of pre-publicity) has had a good stint in the first team, but can not be now considered a first teamer; Carrick got to come off the bench a couple of times; & Newton, Byrne, & Bywater have had very rare 1st team appearances. In general, a very poor return for the best bunch of U19s in the country! A youths team manager is measured by the players who make it to the first team. So by this record, Tony Carr should be sacked! HR seems to have this hidden gift of knowing whether a youngster will make it, without actually trying them out in the first team enviroment. After the debacle v. England, the Irish rugby manager finally bent to country-wide pressure to play the younger players, to a fantastic reversal of results. Maybe now Redknapp, after a similiar debacle proportions, will put his faith in the future, and not with the over 30s click.

Tom my at 12:43:46 Tuesday April 4 2000
I like to see English flags flying when supporting an English team. I like to see Irish flags when supporting an Irish team.

TUSB at 12:39:13 Tuesday April 4 2000
The reason they have Irish flags at sold trafford is that their club captain is Irish, they had French flags when cuntona was there, anyway tommy I though you said you were Irish ? what's your problem then ?

Paolo at 12:38:14 Tuesday April 4 2000
PS - not only do we have no defenders, we seem to have no goalies either now. Anyone want to explain to me how we're going to get into Europe without any defenders or goalies.....

Paolo at 12:36:57 Tuesday April 4 2000
I still can't find a write-up of Saturday's game! Ironworks seems to have lost it since its relaunch. Can anyone recommend a decent write-up?

Tom my at 11:44:15 Tuesday April 4 2000
I will be Red Devil, as i believe in supporting England. Unfotunately, judging from the amount of Irish flags waving around O/T plus the shouts of Argentina last year, you lot don't.

Milkman at 11:37:48 Tuesday April 4 2000
Spot on apart from Keano, he's a cut above the rest of the scum.

Man City Fan at 11:30:42 Tuesday April 4 2000
For the sake of football in this country, I hope that Real Madrid thrash Man United tonight. Really rub their arrogant noses in it. Make Fergie lose it, as we all know he is a bad loser. I would quite like to see Beckham get his leg broken and would mildly enjoy Andy Cole damaging his cruciate ligaments. It would bring a slight grin on my face if Ferguson got so agitated he collapsed and died of a massive stroke. To crown it all, I would be extremely happy if Roy Keane got decapitated in a dangerous 2 footed challenge by Raul. Is that too harsh?

Red Devil at 11:19:57 Tuesday April 4 2000
Itrust even you southern softies will be backing our Great British drive to conquer Europe tonight. What you lot need is a bit of English Pride.

Tom my at 9:37:53 Tuesday April 4 2000
Steady on Red Devil no need to be contraversial.

Red Devil at 17:36:5 Monday April 3 2000
GINGER HAMMER?? MORE LIKE GINGER BEER.......

Adam at 14:53:16 Monday April 3 2000
Red devil, "Always Look on the runway for Ice"

GINGERHAMMER at 14:23:41 Monday April 3 2000
Red 'Prick' Devil, are you from Romford ??

Red Devil at 14:0:24 Monday April 3 2000
Adam-a fairy supporter for a fairy team.Spouting middle class clap-trap about selling our souls. Bollox you fairy featured poof. We've got professional and we win things, you southern softies wouldn't understand that cos you've won fuck all.

Adam at 11:36:13 Monday April 3 2000
Red Devil, I'm sorry mate, your club is laughable. Seeing it first hand brought it home to me. I thought Arsenal fans were bad but your bunch of glory hunters are so detached from the reality of the rest of football its unbelieveable. Old Trafford is like being at DisneyLand, its all fake. There is no passion there anymore. The last time I went to Old Trafford was 1984/85 in the FA Cup. It was a real football ground then, not anymore. I'll get over a 7-1 drubbing quicker than you can get over the fact your club has sold its soul to the corporate middle classes.

Red Devil at 11:12:31 Monday April 3 2000
We gave your boys a hell of a beating eh ? Hammers? More like fairies I would say. Do you lot really think you'll hang onto young Cole when a blind man can see he has no future with a bunch of losers like Worst Ham. This time next year you boys wil be for the drop I've been to all our home games and that was the worst display an opposing side has put together-even Watford weren't that bad. Good to see the old "soft touch" label is still bery much alive.

Niki in despair at 11:1:52 Monday April 3 2000
Grim. On a much brighter note the Yoofs beat the Scum 5-0. Defoe hat trick. Well worth the £3 as usual. Somewhat overshadowed by the main event though. I'm just glad I was watching in familiar surroundings of Upton Park.

Frank C at 10:28:39 Monday April 3 2000
It's believed anything between 5 and 7 thousand scum fans travel from Ireland every Saturday if they are at home....Take into account all the scandinavian and rest of Europe /world travellers to Old Trafford + The sad Cockney reds...Then the compulsory suits who now seem to attend Saturday games...I estimate it probably leaves approx. five thousand tickets for genuine mancunian scum fans..Sad really.

Adam at 10:21:52 Monday April 3 2000
I wondered why there was so many Irish flags, I thought I'd turned up at a Gaelic football match.

Frank C at 10:13:10 Monday April 3 2000
No surprise there Adam, I could have flown over from Limerick on an all in package to that game no problemo...and it would have included a tour of ' The old trafford Museum' I kinda thought bollocks...I'd be interested to see how many actual People who live in manchester or surrounding area actually attended as Scum fans....It's all about marketing now...that's why they can afford to pay their players silly money. And we're always moaning about ' bare bones'!!

Adam at 9:58:46 Monday April 3 2000
I had a seat in the Man Utd end by the centre circle. I had to put up with the most ignorant pricks I have ever seen at a football match. Their constant appealing for everything is little short of embarassing. Every tackle by West Ham was a foul and every foul by a Manc was fair. Surely in their hearts they must be embarrassed by the biased refs. The 2 penalties were a joke, the free kick wasnt a foul and Sinclair was booked for nothing. Add to that our turned down penalty (which they didnt show on MOTD) and you get worse refereeing than in a Sunday League match when the oppenents manager refs. Also the number of nice motors in their car parks, highlights how few of their fans are now from Manchester.

Tom my at 9:19:46 Monday April 3 2000
That's enough about the Mancs Knobby, we were'nt very good either.

Knobby at 8:33:51 Monday April 3 2000
11 Pricks managed by a flaccid, warty, impotent Prick

Terry the Tosh talker at 21:30:2 Saturday April 1 2000
So much for false optimism! Humiliating and way beyond unacceptable. I don't give a tuppeny stuff who we were playing, that 'performance' was the lowest I have ever seen in all my 38 years of following this outfit. It must be the catalyst for a complete rethink at the way we do our business. If not, we really might as well pack up!! We cannot continue to fool ourselves about our so - called 'stars'. Obviously, some of them are not as good as they are billed and certainly do not deserve the salaries they are paid. Furthermore, it is now beyond any argument that our misnamed 'manager' has to go. If he believes this current mob are the best West Ham team in a 'decade and a half' (his words), then he obviously does not have the ability to achieve or fulfill!! Today was surely the last straw. Humiliating and degrading - enough is enough!!

Ian in furiated with that result at 18:26:53 Saturday April 1 2000
I know we were playing the best team in the Premier league and arguably the best in the world (God it sickens me to write that) but that was disgusting. Two points 1) why do we get destroyed at least two or three times a season ? Certainly in today's game it looked like most of the team had given up at half-time (exceptions Foe and Moncur). No wonder Man U scored four more goals in the second half. What did Harry say at half-time ? Anything ? Other teams would find a way to not get so utterly humiliated. Were the Scum that much more up this game than when they play Bradford or Watford ? Second point - why were there no substitutions made ? I realise that it probably wouldn't have altered the score but surely the so-called fringe players would have gone on and worked their asses off. Is the defence really that bad ? Conceding 7 against Man U can almost be accepted but 4 against Bradford and Everton ? Three against Sheffield Wed. ? I am biased but I felt really sorry for Forrest. Out of the seven goals, only the last one looked remotely his fault. What could be more frustrating than saving a penalty and then not have your defence clear the rebound ?

Dazza at 16:35:29 Saturday April 1 2000
we want 8 we want 8,

Dazza at 16:27:23 Saturday April 1 2000
make that 6-1!!!!

Dazza at 16:26:57 Saturday April 1 2000
5-1 down wit h20 odd minutes left..hahahahaha

Terry the Tosh Talker at 6:54:51 Saturday April 1 2000
No defence and HR as manager! Still, who cares - it's a beautiful morning in the Lincolnshire and the world is full of optimism. COME ON YOU IRONS!!!

Pomeroy at 19:22:33 Friday March 31 2000
Nik, thanks very much for the advice and all that. And there is definitely something in the air about tomorrow. We are due something special for once, let's hope the boys can deliver.

Nik at 18:40:29 Friday March 31 2000
Oh bollox, I forgot we haven't got any defence. Still feeling optimistic though...... Paolo, as the ball comes off Paolo's toe in the slow motion bit, you see first Vicky, then me (in colours with gob open) then Carl in what looks like the second row of people. Blink and you'll miss it!

Paolo at 17:18:28 Friday March 31 2000
Max respect to the Griffmeister - I now have the video clip running continuously on my PC - in full screen!! Excellent! Nik - where are you in the clip? Can't find you or C or V, even on pause (unless you've all had haircuts or shaved since those photos were taken!). No way are we going to win tomorrow, we have NO defence, and it's Man U we're talking about here. A proper striker and a good game against the Wombles (even including THAT goal) doesn't suddenly make us into a team who can beat ManUre away! Especially with almost our entire defence crippled, banned or Ruddock.

Nik at 16:50:48 Friday March 31 2000
Come on you Irons! I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. 2-1 to the Cockney Boys I reckon. Another one a-piece for Paolo and Kinky. Safe journey to the travelling Irons. Have a good one, and give us a report on Monday.

Griff at 16:22:20 Friday March 31 2000
Ginger - on its way. Maddog - on my way in 30 mins.

Mad Dog at 16:17:8 Friday March 31 2000
Griff - U doing the bar soon?

GINGER at 16:10:10 Friday March 31 2000
Griff can you send it to this address DCRONIN@AP.ORG ???

Paolo at 15:41:20 Friday March 31 2000
Griff - I think I've got the mediaplayer thingy, thanks. BTW, why is it that the people who post the weird things are always illiterate?!

Mad Dog in Griffs bottom at 15:5:7 Friday March 31 2000
Griff, any chance of downloading on my face, u saucey shaker

Griff at 14:56:47 Friday March 31 2000
Paolo - do you want the mediaplayer as well? Maddog - chase me.

Mad Dog in GayTown at 14:51:14 Friday March 31 2000
Griff - As I understand it from a good authority that your gay. Is this true?

Paolo at 14:50:32 Friday March 31 2000
Griff - have you still got my address? If so, could you send me the goal? I can't get it off KUMB, it just says 'file not found'. Crap site.

Mouth Almighty in the East Stand Lower at 14:49:54 Friday March 31 2000
COME ON YOU...... ....IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...aah!!!

Paolo at 14:48:49 Friday March 31 2000
Pieman - but surely the quintisential no 14 has got to be Dowie?!

Jazz Club at 14:44:5 Friday March 31 2000
...modulating between the keys of A and B flat, and resolving itself in E. Craaaaazy! But nice!

Griff at 14:41:12 Friday March 31 2000
Ginger - can't send messages over 3 Meg to Yahoo addresses, and unfortunately even zipped, the file is too big.

Frank C at 14:39:18 Friday March 31 2000
I just like to say I really hate Scum and i hope we stuff them big time....working in a company were everyone either supports Scun or the scouse gits....This is a really big game this weekend.

ginger at 14:15:16 Friday March 31 2000
can anyone e-mail my the Di Canio goal from sunday to GINGERDBC@YAHOO.COM . CHEERS

Dazza at 14:4:54 Friday March 31 2000
WWW was our no.14 if i am not mistaken

Pieman at 13:34:58 Friday March 31 2000
Terry: having never heard anything by Santana b4, I do think "Smooth" is absolute quality. I take it from your post that his older stuff is quite different. On the #14 subject, who wore that number previous to the current King? Does anyone have a complete record of WHU shirt numbers since they started in the Prem?

Terry in Wigan at 12:44:13 Friday March 31 2000
Is it me? Or is there anyone else here who doesn't like the Santana stuff being played on the radios lately. I think its crap.

Paolo at 12:39:23 Friday March 31 2000
Pieman - he did - I thought it was quite amusing seeing that shirt on a proper striker! And you know as well as I do that we are NOT going to win at Manure! We might get a goal or two, but just look at our so-called defence - and remember who we're playing.........

Stamper at 12:35:36 Friday March 31 2000
Pieman - He wore fourteen alright. He still reminds me of Choppy though, but with a killer instinct. I feel an upset coming on this Saturday against Man U.

Pieman at 11:54:27 Friday March 31 2000
Am I mistaken but did Kanoute wear number 14 on Sunday????

Pieman at 11:46:33 Friday March 31 2000
If we beat Manure tomorrow, it'll mean that we'l have beaten the Big 3 (Manure, Pool, & the Arse) all in the one season! When was the last time we had a chance of that, let alone manage it?

GINGER in london at 10:47:35 Friday March 31 2000
Can someone e-mail the Di Canio goal at GINGERDBC@YAHOO.COM. Cheers

Tom my at 9:28:45 Friday March 31 2000
Oh god, the same school and village as my ex missus....it's a nightmare, please don't sign him West Ham, all the inbreeders will be over.!

Pieman at 8:59:45 Friday March 31 2000
Young Irish underage international being watched by WHU Malee ready for tough Cup test FAI CUP SEMI-FINAL PREVIEW By GERRY McDERMOTT TEACHERS in St Louis Community School in Kiltimagh shouldn't be too surprised if they find that one of their pupils has something other than schoolwork on his mind today. For fifth year student Sean Malee has spent the past week trying to figure out how he can help Galway United reach the FAI Harp Lager Cup Final for the first time since 1991 by becoming only the third team this season to beat League champions-elect Shelbourne. ``I will go to school until half-twelve and then take off the afternoon. I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on schoolwork after that,'' said the 17-year-old who has spent the week juggling homework, training and demands for tickets. ``Playing football has made me more disciplined and that has helped at school. You set your aims in football and it's the same in school,'' said Malee who is hoping to study sports science after his Leaving Certificate. Malee, a slightly-built right winger who is the baby of Don O'Riordan's young Galway United squad, has already played a major part in helping Galway reach the last four by coming on as a substitute and scoring the winner against St Patrick's Athletic in a first round replay. If there is such a thing as a perfect day then Malee admits he is hard pressed to come up with anything better than January 11. ``The day began when I found out that I had been picked by Brian Kerr for his home-based international squad to play Northern Ireland. Don had mentioned the night before that I would probably be in the squad but it wasn't until I saw it on teletext that it really sank in. It was a dream come true and I was in great form heading to Dublin for the Pat's game. ``At the time I couldn't remember how I'd scored. I just saw the ball hitting the net and I was gone. It was my first goal for Galway and to come at such a crucial stage of the match made it extra special.'' Although his father John is a former Mayo GAA star, soccer became Malee's sport after he came under the influence of Micheal Murphy in Ballyhaunis. But, having quickly outgrown schoolboy football in Mayo, he spent three years travelling up and down to Dublin to play at a higher standard for Belvedere. He joined Galway United at the start of this season, preferring the one hour journey to the weekends he had been spending in Dublin since he was 14. AFTER impressing with the reserves he was offered a professional contract in November and made his debut against Drogheda United. Malee's performances for Galway and Ireland this season have already attracted the interest of West Ham United and he spent the mid-term break training with the English side. Malee acknowledges O'Riordan's part in his development, especially in keeping his feet on the ground after that goal against St Pat's. ``I get on really well with him. He has helped me a lot and developed my game. He has also kept my head on my shoulders because I could have got really carried away after scoring the goal against Pat's.'' This season has seen Galway at the wrong end of the table battling to stay in the Premier Division but their Cup run has allowed them moments to forget about the fight to avoid the drop and Malee admits that they are enjoying it. ``We were hoping for a home draw and hopefully the home support will see us through. At this stage of the competition it doesn't really matter who you get. We've played Shelbourne three times this season and drawn all three so hopefully we can put one over them this time.'' Today's Weather

Nik at 22:28:1 Thursday March 30 2000
The video clip is just too large for me to get into a reasonable file size for streaming. Those of you with a 256k direct connection to the Internet might be able to get a half decent stream from the address below, but the rest of us will have to download the AVI the old fashioned way.

Dazza at 22:18:19 Thursday March 30 2000
Yossa, am i right in thinking that you are from morocco?? If so, tell me what its like, I have to go to Casablanca in 2 weeks for work, and I heard (no disrespect) that its a shit hole.....

News at 22:3:22 Thursday March 30 2000
COLE WON'T HAVE LEADING ROLE AT EURO2000 Kevin Keegan has indicated Joe Cole is unlikely to play a major part in the Euro 2000 finals. West Ham wonderkid Cole was a substitute in England's Under-21 win over Yugoslavia on Wednesday night - but failed to get any action. And Keegan told the Evening Standard: ''Joe's not playing regularly for West Ham and that doesn't help the situation.

News at 22:0:21 Thursday March 30 2000
365.EXCLUSIVE: REDKNAPP BACKS DI CANIO FOR EURO 2000 CALL-UP West Ham manager Harry Redknapp has admitted he is mystified that the Italian national team still refuse to select Paoli Di Canio - despite the Rome-born striker being in the best form of his life. Redknapp hit the headlines earlier this week when he suggested Di Canio should be a contender for the player of the year award and now reckons his form is so good he should be in the frame for the Azzurri's Euro 2000 squad. In an exclusive chat with Football365, the Upton Park boss, who has not always enjoyed the best of luck with foreign players in the past, revealed he was amazed that his 31-year-old forward had never received the international recognition his talent deserved and insisted the Hammer star still had much to offer at the highest level.

Mahoolah at 17:36:22 Thursday March 30 2000
Steve - In the options, set the file to run continuously. Then right click on the video and select 'full screen'. Then go for lunch.

Paolo at 17:2:39 Thursday March 30 2000
Bugger! Just tried downloading the goal from KUMB but it just says the file you requested is no longer available!! I am obviously destined never to see this video! Good job Sky showed it 6,000 times on Sunday!

Paolo at 16:58:11 Thursday March 30 2000
Just checked Olw's again, and this time it let me in, so now I'm even more puzzled. But it looks pretty dead in there, almost no postings - it used to be buzzing a few months back, what happened?

Paolo at 16:54:43 Thursday March 30 2000
Nik - all I get is a message saying 'This document is not a real audio document'!! Knobby - how big is it?

Steve at 16:17:50 Thursday March 30 2000
To everyone who offered advice on how to get the clip to run: Thanks, I've got it sorted now. Griff sent me the execute file I was missing for Windows MediaPlayer and I can now play it. Right, anyone know how I can set it up as my screensaver?!

Knobby at 14:52:16 Thursday March 30 2000
I have the said video on file - anyone want me to mail it to them ?

Mahoolah at 14:35:18 Thursday March 30 2000
If you're having trouble opening the flick of the DiCanio goal from KUMB, Download the file to you hard drive, unzip it so its in AVI format, hold down LEFT SHIFT button and RIGHT CLICK on the file. Choose 'OPEN WITH' from the list of options and another box should appear. Scroll down to find windows media player and try running it. If it still dosen't run, in MEDIA PLAYER, go to the 'GO' pull down menu, choose 'Windows media player homepage' and update to the latest version and repaet from the beggining. It will work eventually. I had it running in a loop all of yesterday on a spare PC, much to the delight of my so called friends and colleagues

Di Canio super goal on video.. at 14:31:41 Thursday March 30 2000
It doesn't work, nothing works. Its not fair. Why doesn't it work? Why?

Nik at 14:0:39 Thursday March 30 2000
Well it works, sort of. The quality of the Real Video is pants. I'll see if I can get a better quality one up this evening, meanwhile for a blurry look at Paolo's wondergoal type this address: http://www.aranawebs.com/paolo.ram

ginger at 13:46:55 Thursday March 30 2000
Anyone know what pubs are showing West Ham v Man U it's on some scandanavian channel ????

GINGER in london at 13:41:30 Thursday March 30 2000
Where are they showing West Ham v Man U, it's on the scandanavian channel, anyone know any pubs showing it ???

Paolo at 13:35:15 Thursday March 30 2000
This is weird! I jiust a few other sites and don't get barred from any of them - even Manglers, which has the word 'cunt' on the first page that comes up!! Mind you, now I've typed that, this is probably my last ever entry on Alf's. Been nice knowing you!

Paolo at 13:30:9 Thursday March 30 2000
Blimey - just had a very strange 5 minutes. First I had a look at the pridiction league, only to discover my name in lights!! Then I tried to get into Olw's Hole for the first time in months and got WebSensed!! What on earth is going on in Olw's that gets my system so upset that it stops me accessing it?!!

Nik at 13:26:40 Thursday March 30 2000
I'm in that video clip! Vickie, Carl and I come into the frame from the right just as Paolo kicks the ball! If you hang about a min I'll stream the video from my server. It will lose some quality, because I'll have to optimise it so it doesn't buffer all over the place.....

Paolo at 13:23:36 Thursday March 30 2000
Daz - if you're not ila, where are you these days? Nik - I like the Alf on the Top 10 entry - better than KUMB's OTT banner!

Daz(bnila) at 13:20:36 Thursday March 30 2000
Cheers Mike, well, thats my saturday sorted out.

Doom and Gloom at 13:19:23 Thursday March 30 2000
Harry Redknapp wanted the case looked into, because he is without a number of players this weekend, but the failed appeal means that Neil Ruddock who isn't really fit could be asked to play despite a knee problem.

Paolo at 13:11:32 Thursday March 30 2000
Griff - can you show me how to get that clip to play as well?!! QM - I thought KK wearing number 14 was most amusing!

Quizmaster at 12:35:13 Thursday March 30 2000
Watching the match last Sunday, it struck me that King Kanute was wearing the same number as Dowie - 14, not a very good sign that is it ?

Two Planks at 12:32:2 Thursday March 30 2000
Whats all this beam back stuff about. Could someone explain please? Can anyone go? Or is it invitation only?

David in denim and leather outside a gay bar in Charing Cross Road at 12:26:57 Thursday March 30 2000
Frank - its national cleveage day if your're into that kinda thing. Me, I'm looking forward to national 'lunch box' day.

Frank in Fenchurch St Station in sunglasses at 11:39:1 Thursday March 30 2000
Isn't it supposed to be National 'squeeze your top bollocks together' day or something today ? I've been hanging around Fenchurch Street all morning and have to report a very very low cleve count. It is today isn't it ?!?!

Griff at 11:32:43 Thursday March 30 2000
Steve - shift your lazy arse upstairs and I'll show you how to run the clip.

Kristian in laughing... at 10:22:9 Thursday March 30 2000
LOL!...Boss button is very, very funny! Here`s to a surprise result against the absolut scum of the earth....please, please!!

Bill at 10:3:6 Thursday March 30 2000
Ron, I love our foreign players - its more of a dig at the scum as last season they sang "we hate England" and also "Argentina" at the West Ham fans. We sang "God save the queen" back at them. Anyway Shakespeare hadn't heard of Stimac at the time

Sunglasses Ron at 9:55:27 Thursday March 30 2000
Bill-yeah right St George and England. Does that include, Stimac, Di Canio, Kanoute, Foe, Wanchope, Forrest etc.

Bill Shakespeare at 9:22:4 Thursday March 30 2000
Once more unto the scum dear friends... Lets give those glory-hunting slags a historic beating for Harry, St. George and England.

Steve at 9:5:21 Thursday March 30 2000
Nik: It's either an avi if run from where it is or a zip file if downloaded. I've tried both and neither work (have winzip and all that). Is there a player I need to/can download from somewhere?

Mike the Hammer at 8:50:12 Thursday March 30 2000
Daz(brilla),welcome back.Yoofs at UP kick off at 12:00pm,but what entertainment they have between that and the beam back I 've no idea of.£3 for the U19's game,and £8 for the main event.

Mike the Hammer at 8:47:41 Thursday March 30 2000
yossa,welcome back geezer.How's the wife and kid?

Dazza at 21:20:51 Wednesday March 29 2000
testing testing 1,2

Terry the Tosh Talker at 20:1:10 Wednesday March 29 2000
After all the pessimism I have spread over the last few weeks I have taken a loyalty pill and an optimism injection - or is it just the beer I've been drinking? However, I really do think we are going to get some sort of a result on saturday, lack of defenders notwithstanding. PDC appears to be really fired up and King Kanoute genuinely looks the article (even after only 1 game, against really dodgy opposition). If KK can back up the talents of PDC and TTS (provided HR resists the temptation of playing TTS in goal!!)then we really do have a front-line to worry the best. Foes beginning to look the part, FLJ is doing the business (despite what his critics say) and even Minto has put in a couple of good performances recently. Life is on the up. The thing about playing MU (spit!!) is that you know you have probably got to score at least 2 goals; however, I think we have the talent, now, to do that. We do of course have a defender shortage (AGAIN), however, I still believe a result is on the cards.

Gifster at 17:52:11 Wednesday March 29 2000
I'd like to see Alf as a gif with random speech bubbles coming from him saying things like 'cor fack me' and 'strike a light'.

Mahoolah at 17:37:13 Wednesday March 29 2000
The dicanio goal is zipped up using winzip - hence you have to have winzip installed on your system to unzip it.

STIMAC BACKS RIO FOR EURO 2000 at 17:26:42 Wednesday March 29 2000
Igor Stimac has urged Kevin Keegan to pick Rio Ferdinand for Euro 2000, believing that the youngster will become the best defender in the world. As Ferdinand prepares to play for the England Under-21 side in the European Championship play-off against Yugoslavia, his central defensive partner is convinced that Ferdinand will break into the full team very soon. He said: "I knew Rio was a good defender but I didn't realise how good until I came to the club, saw him in training and played alongside him in matches. "I have seen all the best players in my career but I would say that Rio is the best young defender in the world - bar none. I have seen how much he enjoys bringing the ball out of defence and there are not many defenders in the world, let alone England, who can do that well. http://www.sky.com/sports/football/premier/westham/story2.htm

Tom my at 17:12:48 Wednesday March 29 2000
Niki,that is ok,so long as i know where to look. Thank you.

Nik at 17:5:59 Wednesday March 29 2000
Steve, what format is the movie in (.avi, .mov etc)?

Nik at 17:5:17 Wednesday March 29 2000
I see the Boss Button is a hit! People power in action. You might even get girls in pants, you never know. Get any more suggestions in while we're redesigning. Tom my, the NewsNow button had to make way for the Boss Button - it's now on the main page and the links page. I'll see if I can squeeze them all in if people want it on here.

Steve at 16:15:15 Wednesday March 29 2000
I can't play the Di Canio goal from KUMB - any suggestions?

Harry Enfield at 16:8:45 Wednesday March 29 2000
...and ifI was a pidgeon I'd have to say "OI KNOBBY..NO!!"

Anon at 16:7:36 Wednesday March 29 2000
I always said Knobby was for the birds.....

Walter at 15:58:5 Wednesday March 29 2000
You should know Knobby-you've been breaking into my avery every night for the last week to give em a good shagging. I'd call you a sick pervert but with a weener your size you've probably no choice..... PS who was the best shag, Lou Lou or Percy?

Slacker at 15:21:35 Wednesday March 29 2000
Boss Button - Like it, like it, like it very much. Nice to know someone is listening to their customers. Cheers Alf you old git!

Yossa at 15:5:46 Wednesday March 29 2000
try www.lufc.com

sicko in bed with my sister at 14:50:56 Wednesday March 29 2000
if anyone wants to join me they are very very welcome let me tell you

Knobby at 14:48:39 Wednesday March 29 2000
how are your pigeons Walter ?

Yossa at 14:39:22 Wednesday March 29 2000
Also the leeds homepage has been cracked by the turks you get too see a man pissing on the leeds crest good aint it try www.lufc.co.uk

Yossa in Making a return to the scene at 14:38:5 Wednesday March 29 2000
Poor old andy impey hated by us now hated by lecister fans as well serves him right money grabbing bastard

Walter at 14:0:40 Wednesday March 29 2000
I'm convinced we'll beat Man Utd 3-0 on Saturday. Absolutely convinced. And whats more I've got a feeling thatFrank "Dobbo" Dobson will do the business inthe London mayoral election. Wouldn't that be great?

Mahoolah at 13:23:26 Wednesday March 29 2000
I really could watch that all day

Paolo at 13:17:45 Wednesday March 29 2000
PS - nice to see you back Daz. PPS - Nik, it goes blue again after you've posted!!

Paolo at 13:16:48 Wednesday March 29 2000
The Pomeroy site is good - the museum pages are excellent, well worth a visit (http://www.hammers-pomeroy.co.uk/museum.html). Not so keen on the new Ironworks site though, doesn't look and feel as good as the old one, and it takes AGES to load! Alf's is still the top site!

Mahoolah` at 13:9:9 Wednesday March 29 2000
RELIVE that moment ...... DIcanio goal is on KUMB for download.....

Daz(bnila) at 12:57:3 Wednesday March 29 2000
Long time no see on ere, so is this this kickabout being beemed back to the Boleyn saturday, if so what time?, how much?, and did someone mention summi' bout seeing the u19's too?

Tom my at 12:43:18 Wednesday March 29 2000
Niki, What happened to the "News feature button" ?...i thought that was excellent Tom The cruel boss(looking for any white screens in his office)

Paolo at 12:32:38 Wednesday March 29 2000
Nik - the Boss Button is briliant!

Paolo at 12:31:27 Wednesday March 29 2000
First chance to log in all week - bloody work! That DiCanio piece made me come over all unnecessary - it's so good to hear from a player who understands the game the same way we do. I know I'm a bit late for this, but WHAT A GOAL! I was watching it in a pub in Lancaster (of all places), so I was behaving myself up to that point, but what can you do when you see something like that?!! I just wish I'd been there to see it live. And Kanout looked more than useful too. Pity we've got no defence for Saturday though, but then I wasn't exactly expecting to win that one.... Who on earth is going to be at the back with Rio? Foe?!

CHEF at 11:13:34 Wednesday March 29 2000
Hammers Cafe is at www.hammers-pomeroy.co.uk - try and eat before you go as the builders are still in.

Mahoolah at 10:18:3 Wednesday March 29 2000
HAR HAR HAR I like the boss button, that is funny, har har har.

That DiCanio Interview at 10:14:4 Wednesday March 29 2000
The Hammers hitman stressed: "A lot of people in Italy like to watch English football more than Italian because it is too boring sometimes in the Italian League. "English football is less tactical but more spectacular, with more chances. "In Italy, great football, yes, but they don't like to watch it, it's too boring. "Last Friday, for example, my friends saw AC Milan v Juventus. "They tell me they were very sad to watch this game because it was very boring. "One, two chances. Okay, beautiful players - Zinedine Zidane and Alessandro Del Piero, but no emotion. "In England, West Ham v Wimbledon is not the best game but you have emotion because anyone can score. "Manchester United are one of the best teams I have ever seen. "They are like AC Milan from 1985 to 1995 - and that is a great compliment to Manchester United because Milan were one of the best teams in the world. "Ruud Gullit, Marco Van Basten and Frank Rijkaard with Arigo Sacchi as manager. "To be a team like that makes it hard to play against them, especially at Old Trafford. "Not only hard for West Ham, but for any team in the world. "But I am Paolo Di Canio, I play with Trevor Sinclair, Frank Lampard and Rio Ferdinand. "Great players. We are West Ham, we are the Hammers and, when you play in this shirt, you have to give all your passion. "You have to give your best for 90 minutes, even if you are 2-0 down. "United are experienced players, more technical players, more squad movement, but it doesn't matter. "We have to try because, when we start, it is 0-0."

green street cafe society in bloody work at 10:3:52 Wednesday March 29 2000
Where`s this hammers cafe then ?

Steve at 9:17:50 Wednesday March 29 2000
If you can get hold of a copy of the Sun without having to pay for it, read the last couple of paragraph's of PDC's interview. Lovely stuff.

Pomeroy at 8:7:0 Wednesday March 29 2000
Cheers Nik and I've thanked Alf for the link. By the way, a temporary cafe is open (still some work to be done and all that)but the menus a bit limited as I've got to knock up the grub myself. so if you're into either Steve Bacon Egg & Chips or a John Moncurry & chips you're more than welcome to pop over.

Nik at 20:53:22 Tuesday March 28 2000
Oi Pom! Ta very much. You're in our links too. When's your Hammers Caff open for business?

Pomeroy at 19:31:3 Tuesday March 28 2000
Oi, Nik, that was me that wrote the albeit brief review of this site in gary's mag.

scobie in on the plot at 16:42:31 Tuesday March 28 2000
anyone got a real time link of the suday goal?

Niki at 15:15:3 Tuesday March 28 2000
Yeah I'm going to watch the beam-back. Get there early cos the U19's are playing ManUre in the Premier Academy play-offs at 12. £3 for the Yoofs alone and £8 for the beam-back as well.

Anon at 15:12:45 Tuesday March 28 2000
Rio Ferdinand = £15M, Frank Lampard = £8.5m, Trevor Sinclair = £5.5m, Joe Cole = £4m, Shaka Hislop = £6m, Harry Redknapp = thirty bob!

Tony in Forest Gate at 15:9:39 Tuesday March 28 2000
Anyone going to watch the beam-back at Upton Park Saturday? I know you can't beat the real thing but us peasants its the next best thing. Poalo Di Canio v Paul Scholes should be worth £8. I also hear the Hammerettes are putting on a show. get there early and a get a front row seat.

Anon at 15:5:9 Tuesday March 28 2000
COME ON YOU IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nik at 14:35:32 Tuesday March 28 2000
Got to thank Gary Firmager for doing a write up of this site in OLAS - "Next up is Come On You Irons (www.comeonyouirons.org.uk). A site with a slightly different angle as it has Alf Garnett as its patron. It not only comes with the usual package of West Ham info, but also has a Prediction League, whereby each participant predicts the outcome of forthcoming games. You get 2 points for correct result, and 5 points for a correct scoreline (6-1 to Chelsea today might be a good example) Couldnt help but notice nobody got any points for West Ham/Everton the other week. There are a couple of interesting games, one of which is the intertoto Spot The Ball, and is a must (if you're into Spot The Ball that is) And there's also Alf's moans page (a reasonable lively chat page) where among other things you can engross yourself in some decent West Ham arguing and debating. The site gets my vote and is more than worth a visit." Cheers Gary - my pleasure to help out with the site anytime!! To return the favour all you lot get yourselves over to www.olas-hammers.co.uk and sign the new Message Board.

Nik at 14:30:49 Tuesday March 28 2000
It's worth nicking someone's Sun today - the back page says Di Canio 2 Scholes 1. Inside the headline is "Paolo canes Paul in Poll" (2175 votes to 1197) and starts with "Paolo Di Canio is worshipped all the way from Romford to the Roman Road...but his brilliantly volleyed goal on Sunday has also proved a massive favourite with thousands of football fans across the board. Nearly twice as many of you voted for Di Canio" etc. It goes on about the PFA Player of the Year next week - and Ian Wright's singing Paolo's praises in his column.

Walter at 13:32:49 Tuesday March 28 2000
I think Sincs will stay-he knows we'll be challenging the likes of Chelsea and Arsenal next season for the title.

Carl at 12:11:11 Tuesday March 28 2000
Has anyone seen the result of any of the polls done yesterday to confirm the PDC's goal was better than Scholes one? Sun, Football365 etc.

Two Days to GO! at 10:56:0 Tuesday March 28 2000
National Cleavage Day. Thursday 30 March.

Vic the Gooner at 10:53:48 Tuesday March 28 2000
Only kidding. I just love winding you lot up. GOOOOOOOOOONNNNNEERRRRRRRRSSS!!!!!

Anon at 10:51:38 Tuesday March 28 2000
Well, we couldn't turn down £8.5m could we?

John Bowman at 10:48:20 Tuesday March 28 2000
Oh shit! Shit Shit Shit. Why? Why of all the players has it got to be Sincs. Cant they get rid of lardy arse Ruddock. Looks like we've lost Sincs. Fuck it!

Nik at 10:41:3 Tuesday March 28 2000
Nononnonononononononononoooooooooooo

Question of the Day at 10:40:2 Tuesday March 28 2000
Has Football lost its soul to commercialism?

More news at 10:33:8 Tuesday March 28 2000
Arsene Wenger has just confirmed the story on Sky news. Goodbye Sinclair. Nigel Winterburn is one of the players thought to be involved in the deal.

Doug at 10:31:3 Tuesday March 28 2000
It won't be the same without Tricky Trev next season.

Anonanonanon at 10:29:51 Tuesday March 28 2000
Its true you know. Looks like Tricky Trev is on his way to Highbury.

NewsFLASH at 10:28:15 Tuesday March 28 2000
Arsenal FC have confirmed that they are in discussions with West Ham United regarding the summer sale of Trevor Sinclair to the Gunners. The offer has been made and Wesy Ham have promised to deliver a response by the end of the week. Harry Redknapp has been notified of the moves involving one of his star players and is thought to be very angry about the sectretive nature of the deal. It looks as if Trevor Sinclair could be starting the new season at Highbury with West Ham securing a multi-million pound deal involving two Arsenal players.

I nearly lost the plot, says Ferdinand at 10:25:8 Tuesday March 28 2000
By David McDonnell EXCLUSIVE: Rio Ferdinand enters the most crucial stage of his career a more mature player who recognises the dangers of falling for his own hype. With refreshing honesty and candour, the 21-year- old West Ham and England central defender accepts the criticism of his recent form and concedes that it was wholly justified. Ferdinand, who returns to the Under 21 side for the first time in three years tomorrow when England and Yugoslavia play off in Barcelona for the final place at this summer's European Championships, said: 'I began to think I was invincible. If I'm honest with myself, I probably became a bit complacent with my game. 'In a strange way, I think that bad spell was probably the wake-up call I needed. I was coasting a bit and it reminded me that you only get out what you put in. 'I decided to take stock and work even harder at my game. 'I used to think that certain games would be easy but now I make sure I prepare myself properly for every match and treat every opponent with respect. I think my performances have improved as a result.' Despite his riches, the Jaguar XK8, designer clothes and celebrity haunts, Ferdinand is essentially the same youngster who learned his football on the sparse patches of grass outside the council estate in Peckham where he grew up. He said: 'I never forget how lucky I am. We get paid incredible money when there are people like nurses, teachers and lorry drivers working their fingers to the bone for little pay.' In recent months, the attention on Ferdinand had been less than complimentary. A series of high-profile blunders led many to question his long-term potential. The flurry of activity last summer which led to Liverpool, Roma and Real Madrid all failing to lure the £10million-rated defender ceased as the big clubs decided to reserve judgment on the player hailed as the new Bobby Moore. Yet, Ferdinand's form has improved dramatically. Confirmation came from former Italy captain Franco Baresi, one of the game's greatest defenders and a boyhood hero of Ferdinand's. Baresi was at Upton Park for the recent game against Chelsea and left marvelling at the extraordinary composure and ability of the languid centre back in claret and blue. 'That boy has everything,' he said. 'Not only can he defend, he can bring the ball out as well. There is a real presence about him.'

NO KAN DO WITH HAMMERS at 10:23:2 Tuesday March 28 2000
By Mirror Sport Staff French striker Frederic Kanoute has claimed he will sign for a Premiership club this summer - but it may not be West Ham. On-loan Kanoute, 22, made a brilliant goal-scoring debut in West Ham's win over Wimbledon on Sunday and is available for £6million after falling out of favour at Lyon. Hammers boss Harry Redknapp is keen to sign him permanently. But even if he can raise the cash it may not be enough to land the French Under-21 star. Kanoute, who has also attracted interest from Inter Milan and Juventus, said: "I want to play in the Premiership and join a club permanently this summer, but I don't know who it will be. "I'm very happy at West Ham and I'm pleased to have signed for them. But it's too early to say whether I would join them permanently. "But one thing is for sure, I cannot go back to Lyon - there are too many problems for me there."

Nik at 10:10:59 Tuesday March 28 2000
Noooooooooo. Please don't take my Sinclair away

Kristian in oslo at 9:57:55 Tuesday March 28 2000
Christ! Checked out the prediction league. I obviously don`t know anything about footie! ("But I know what I like!")

Fat Rich Shareholder in smoking a cigar at 9:51:25 Tuesday March 28 2000
But at the A.G.M. Terrible Tel gave us assurances that players would not be sold to fund the new ground, and that financial institutions that we already ripped off in the bond scheme fiasco would be queing up to throw money at us so we can knock them again? and whilst we're on the subject of our beloved board did'nt tricky Tel say that Graham the fish was sacked, pending a replacement? let the fish off the hook and bring back Storrie!

Steve at 9:26:40 Tuesday March 28 2000
Paulo Cesar Watson Wanchope. Big enough for you?

Knobby at 8:51:4 Tuesday March 28 2000
Sinclair is a possibility as he had 14 letters in his name whereas Wankcop has only 13 - so as far as big names go we are looking at big names Trevor Sinclair, Michael Carrick or possibly Stephen Bywater leaving in the summer (Joe Cole looks like he'll stay then !)

Common as Muck Mick at 8:47:24 Tuesday March 28 2000
IF..we manage to secure a place in the Intertoto Cup. Does anyone have any idea of the likely date that our first game will be? I'll have to re-arrange me 'olidays araand it ya see!

Hot Gossip at 8:44:27 Tuesday March 28 2000
Rumours are rife that West Ham are about to unload a big name at the club to fund the building of the new West Stand. Favourite to leave at the end of the season is Wanchope, but the big name has been runoured to be Trvor Sinclair with Arsenal favourites to land him as a replacement for Marc Overmars.

Terry Two Times at 8:37:29 Tuesday March 28 2000
Read in one of the Sunday rags Sunday rags that Di Canio and Vialli are the best of mates best of mates which goes back to their playing days at Juventus. They meet up regularly at their favourite Italian restaurant without their other halves other halves. Di Canio claimed that people must think they are both gay both gay.

Bobby at 22:59:24 Monday March 27 2000
Vote for Di Canio's goal at: http://www.footballunlimited.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,152678,00.html

Nik at 22:44:46 Monday March 27 2000
Prediction League Table updated

F365 at 21:43:19 Monday March 27 2000
HAMMERS TO FACE FERGIE'S ARMY MINUS INTERNATIONAL STARS Harry Redknapp has bemoaned the international fixture calendar as he prepares to lose eight players for the build-up to one of West Ham's biggest games of the season. The Hammers travel to Old Trafford to face Premiership leaders Manchester United next Saturday, but Redknapp must plan for the game without several key players until the day before it. Speaking after yesterday's 2-1 win over Wimbledon, Redknapp said: ''The problem I have now is that it is an international week, so I have eight players going off who I won't see again until Friday morning. ''It makes life very difficult for us and to make matters worse we are down to the bare numbers defensively. Igor Stimac is suspended, Neil Ruddock isn't fit, nor is Steve Potts, Stuart and Ian Pearce are out for the season and Javier Margas is away with Chile - it leaves us very short. If Rio Ferdinand was to pick up an injury whilst with the England Under-21s then we would be in trouble.''

humble at 17:16:22 Monday March 27 2000
Paolo Di Canio reacted modestly to scoring one of the goals of the season against Wimbledon at Upton Park. Both the Italian's feet were off the floor as he connected with a scorching volley that flew into the bottom corner of Neil Sullivan's net, but Di Canio claimed the goal had a touch of good fortune about it. He said: ''I was very lucky. I try that a lot of times in training but every time I miss, so it was better today. But we won the game which was the most important for us today, of course if you score you are double happy.' ''The team played very well, we controlled the game, but the last 20 minutes we relaxed too much,'' the Hammers idol told Sky Sports. Midfielder Frank Lampard also felt his side made heavy weather of beating a Wimbledon team that always looked second best. He said: ''We've dominated the first half and could have been a few goals up and cruising really at 2-0, but we let them back in it really which makes it a bit tense in the last 10 minutes. The way we performed, I think we won by a mile and the one-goal margin could have been a lot more.''

Adam at 12:19:51 Monday March 27 2000
This is nicked from the Spurs WebSite but very funny: I saw george Graham in a bar last night.............. kings road. Anyway, he was there with i presume his wife and another couple who i diddn't recognise having a sit down meal. George was knocking them back all night, and was well pissed when it was time to leave, his wife had to help him walk out. But on the way, he turned round, and shouted (slured) at everyone else still in the bar the following phrase. 'Ive got magic underpants you know, i know you all want me to take off my magic underpants - but i'm not, not you hear' Then his wife dragged him out and gave him a telling off from what i saw.

NME at 12:2:28 Monday March 27 2000
Where are Felix and Gerard? http://stage.vitaminic.co.uk/felix_and_gerard

Anon at 11:3:4 Monday March 27 2000
Spend a quid. Dial 09009 100 728 (10 times) to let The Sun know that Di Canio's goal was better than Scholes (10p per minute). Let's beat the Mancscum at least once this week. Alf says those Northern bleedsas might have more fans than us but we've got more money!

Niki at 10:50:23 Monday March 27 2000
Good game yesterday, I thought we played some fantastic football. After Paulo scored he came over to the Lower West doing a load of badge kissing and gesturing "this is for you". Did we love that - oh yes! We're gonna have to break the bank to buy Kanoute too. He looked a bit Anelkaish - only better. Shall we have a whip round? Oh yeah, once again Rob Harris proves he is the most incompetent ref in the Premiership...

Terry Two Times at 9:44:37 Monday March 27 2000
I back Harry 100%. The minority of 'boo-boys' at Upton Park don't know their arse from their elbows. So get off Harry's back and Choppy's too for that matter.

Kristian at 8:36:17 Monday March 27 2000
happy, happy, happy. What a goal from Di Canio! Nice performance by Kanoute...looks promising. But what the hell was wrong with the ref????? I mean: 3 bloody penalties....we never got...

pud at 8:28:54 Monday March 27 2000
bet the fans in the pub in Lincoln made more noise than those in the ground, come to that i bet there was more noise in the Lincoln brach of the derby n joan club

Anon at 20:47:36 Sunday March 26 2000
And of course we are 'becoming' a glory team.

Anon at 20:46:31 Sunday March 26 2000
Not in Linclon of course - in Lincoln. Christ, how many beers did I have!!

Terry the Tosh Talker at 20:45:11 Sunday March 26 2000
Not at the game so watched it in a pub instead - couldn't believe how many Hammers fans there were in the pub - in Linclon!! We must be coming a glory team. Excellent performance although we do struggle to kill off these poor teams. Great performance by Kanoute and PDC was wonderful - but what about that bloody referee!! He really has to be relieved of his position, he is simply not acceptable. Anyway, in the spirit of a new optimism, heres to at least a point next week!!!!!

WANCHOPE: 'I WILL NOT HIDE' at 5:6:29 Sunday March 26 2000
Paulo Wanchope has insisted that he will not hide from his critics as he faces the prospect of being dropped for West Ham’s London derby with Wimbledon on Sunday. The striker has scored just one goal in his last seven league games - six in total this season - and faces further competition for his place in the team after manager Harry Redknapp signed French Under-21 striker Frederic Kanoute on loan from Sporting Lyon until the end of the season. However the Costa Rican is determined to win over the Hammers fans. "I am still working hard. I am passionate about football and I have confidence in my own ability,” said the 23-year-old. “I know I am a good player so I am not worrying about people saying bad things about me. "Some fans are on my back, but that is part and parcel of football. When I start scoring again, those fans will be behind me and will chant my name. There are people who want me out of the club, and that is hard for any player to take. “I understand the fans' frustration, but how do they think I feel? If you are not a strong character these things can drag you down, but I'm strong and so I won't go down. "Of course it gets me down at times, but I have to be strong to carry on. I need a goal and I am frustrated with the way things are going, because I love to score goals. I have done well during my three years in English football but now I am having a difficult time." Redknapp revealed that he turned down a deadline day bid for Wanchope from Leicester manager Martin O’Neill, and the striker is grateful to his boss for keeping faith in him. He said: "My team-mates and manager have been great, telling me to keep my head up, and that is important to me. I am still doing a job for the team, but I know they need me to be scoring, too."

Hammers to end Nigel's winter of discontent at 5:5:16 Sunday March 26 2000
West Ham are favourites to land Arsenal stalwart Nigel Winterburn. The veteran defender wants first-team football, which is no longer guaranteed at Highbury, and Arsene Wenger has promised that he can leave if he so desires. Winterburn, above, would be a good addition at Upton Park and the fact he has also covered in midfield this season would be a bonus for Hammers manager Harry Redknapp. Barnsley, where Winterburn's old boss, Dave Bassett, is in charge, remain in the hunt and their hand will be strengthened if they win promotion to the Premiership.

Mad Dog at 16:26:44 Friday March 24 2000
Griff - Do you think King Kanute will make his debut/score on Sunday?

Mad Dog at 16:23:10 Friday March 24 2000
Steve....I meant .... any old arse could beat me!

Steve at 16:15:14 Friday March 24 2000
Eh?

Mad Dog at 15:59:27 Friday March 24 2000
Correct..........But in one defence I used Ruddick!!

Steve at 15:53:50 Friday March 24 2000
Mad Dog: Fosters Shmosters. By the sound of your name, I bet you probably won three games of pool in a row aginst some right loser, then lost to him and didn't win another game all dinner time. Am I right?

Mad Dog at 15:44:49 Friday March 24 2000
By The Way............Did everyone have a nice lunch....I played pool and played like Wanchope!

Mad Dog at 15:43:23 Friday March 24 2000
All me snails are gone...........but I've got some smelly Fosters to sell.........any takers?

Steve at 15:39:9 Friday March 24 2000
Where's Mad Dog with his snails when you need him?

Steve in a hurry at 15:36:18 Friday March 24 2000
Sorry, can't stop to chat, far too much to do.

Pieman at 15:32:4 Friday March 24 2000
TEAM NEWS - KANOUTE TO MAKE DEBUT This week's loan signing striker Frederic Kanoute, goes straight into West Ham squad for the visit of Wimbledon on Sunday. Keeper Sasa Ilic has returned to Charlton after a one-month loan spell, while Chilean defender Javier Margas is on international duty. Boss Harry Redknapp reports no fresh injury problems. Team (from): Forrest, Feuer, Lomas, Charles, Ruddock, Ferdinand, Stimac, Keller, Minto, Moncur, Lampard, Foe, Cole, Sinclair, di Canio, Kanoute, Wanchope.

Paki in a Corner Shop off the Barking Road at 15:17:26 Friday March 24 2000
Come on you IRONNNNSSSS!!!!!!!!!

Denzil in Washington at 15:15:14 Friday March 24 2000
I don't need booze and dope to watch West Ham. Football is my drug and I want to be around as long as possible to see the Hammers win the FA Cup just one more time. Thats the high I need.

Reply at 15:10:21 Friday March 24 2000
Could Bobby Moore perform miracles? Could make the blind see again? Could he turn water into wine?

Dazza at 14:43:14 Friday March 24 2000
fink so Nik, I'll be in there defo, but sadly not on the lash

Nik at 14:37:28 Friday March 24 2000
I think the little NewsNow box is groovy.

Nik at 14:34:47 Friday March 24 2000
Daz, just the usual suspects then.

Nik at 14:30:13 Friday March 24 2000
Anon, I must have been misinformed. Here's me thinking that ritual alcoholism and drug taking are part of our the religion of worshiping at the Boleyn Temple, and that leads me down the slippery slope TO the game. Thanks for clearing that up, I don't think I'll be converting just yet.

Dazza at 14:23:21 Friday March 24 2000
Nik, usual place, usual time, different day....

6 Doris Road at 13:31:24 Friday March 24 2000
Wibble!

6 Doris Road at 13:29:50 Friday March 24 2000
Me first Niki.

6 Doris Road at 13:27:53 Friday March 24 2000
I want Harry to stay as long as he wants to the man is quite obviously a footballing genius with his finger on the pulse and an eye on the future. If anyone is going to lead this club of ours into Cup glory its Harry.

TUSB at 13:27:50 Friday March 24 2000
Niki, if you ever get as far as the prostitution, give us a bell will ya ?

Question of the Day at 13:22:16 Friday March 24 2000
Was Bobby Moore God?

Anon at 13:18:38 Friday March 24 2000
Niki - Do you realise the damage you are doing to your body by drinking such large volumes of alcohol every saturday? Do you realise that your body is a temple that should be worshipped. You could very well slip into acholism and then after that possibly drugs. Then before you know it prostitution to pay for it all. Now think to yourself, is it worth it?

Anon at 12:59:16 Friday March 24 2000
CYA H

REDKNAPP PLEDGES FUTURE TO HAMMERS at 12:58:57 Friday March 24 2000
WEST HAM boss Harry Redknapp has pledged to stay at Upton Park for as long as the club wants him - revealing he has no plans to manage another club. The 52-year-old, who has also played for the Upton Park outfit, has transformed The Hammers since he took over from Billy Bonds in 1994. Redknapp has three years left on his current contract with the East End outfit and pledged that he will never manage anywhere else, saying: "Whether its tomorrow, next year, or three years from now, I'll pack up as a manager, no doubt. After West Ham? Nothing - I'll retire definitely." The Londoner, who was assistant to Bonds for two years and previously managed Bournemouth, continued: "I'd like to see myself as the manager of this club for the next three years. "I might want to carry on and the chairman might want to keep me, but anything can happen."

Niki at 12:30:16 Friday March 24 2000
Girls in pants! Jeez. Still I suppose you need something to keep you amused when there's no footie news. Who's going on Sunday then? Anyone up for partaking of a beer or three? Where is everyone meeting/drinking??

Mike the Hammer at 10:54:42 Friday March 24 2000
There will still be no pies left at half-time,and the hot water will run out....

Anon at 10:52:35 Friday March 24 2000
Well I'll be there tomorrow and prove you all wrong.

Mike the Hammer at 10:48:47 Friday March 24 2000
I'll go there tonight as well,just in case.

Anon at 10:40:41 Friday March 24 2000
Ticket office has just confirmed that it is Sunday, so I'll see you'll on Saturday then.

Anon at 10:31:43 Friday March 24 2000
Your wrong Mike, the fixture was put forward to tomorrow instead due to urgent ground maintanance which needs to be done. It was all over the official programme last week I thought you would have seen it. Everyone knows about it.

Mike the Hammer in a pedantic mood at 10:22:19 Friday March 24 2000
We're playing Wimbledon on Sunday. Team? Forrest,Rio,Stimac,Minto,Lomas,Foe,Moncs,TTS,FLJ,PDC,Choppy.Benchwarming duties for Feurueurueue,Keller,JC,Kanoute,Ruddock.

6 Doris Road at 10:12:21 Friday March 24 2000
Does Stimac get an automatic next match ban?

Anon at 10:7:10 Friday March 24 2000
I reckon England will flop big time in Euro 2000. I'm backing the Dutch to walk away with it. Anyone here planning on going, I mean its only piss distance away aint it.

16 Fanley Gardens at 10:5:13 Friday March 24 2000
Which defenders are unfit this week?

6 Doris Road at 10:3:54 Friday March 24 2000
Anyone have a clue to the likely line up tomorrow? Wish I could be there for Freddie the Frog debut. I expect a full match report to be on my desk first thing Monday morning nevertheless.

Bungo Giblens at 9:49:17 Friday March 24 2000
The colour on here is great. It attracts the crowd at the school fete anyway.

Sunglasses Ron at 9:42:32 Friday March 24 2000
These are Coventry City colours arn't they? Sky blue?

Ironballs at 9:40:33 Friday March 24 2000
I for one am with Slacker on this. The colour here is too bright and my boss can spot it a mile away. Tone it down a bit cant you.

Persil Pete at 9:35:13 Friday March 24 2000
Cracking goal by Harry Kewell last night I must say. If only he was claret and blue. But what the fuck is going on with Lee Chapmans hair? He looked like a Rooster last night.

Mike the Hammer at 9:32:32 Friday March 24 2000
Nik - If Dazza can have piccies of girls in pants then I want piccies of John Inman.

Mike the Hammer at 8:26:13 Friday March 24 2000
Erm,£5 million rated? By who? The Belize national coach?

Wankchops must stay at 23:05:35 Thursday March 23 2000
West Ham have rebuffed a second attempt by Leicester City to sign unsettled striker Paulo Wanchope. Leicester boss Martin O'Neill, desperately short of options in attack, first attempted to land the £5million-rated Costa Rican, who has had an unhappy spell at Upton Park, in January. He tried again just before transfer deadline but the clubs could not agree on a fee. Michael Knapp - Express Sportlive.

Dazza at 22:58:40 Thursday March 23 2000
and Nik, change the colours, put more pics of girlies in pants, erm..make the site faster, and......

Dazza at 22:57:32 Thursday March 23 2000
I have Nik, still a bit small i think

DAN at 21:24:43 Thursday March 23 2000
Dont like the away kit t who cares. Weekend score Hammes 4 Dons 0. Come on you ironsssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!

Nik at 18:30:44 Thursday March 23 2000
Daz, checkkit at 800x600 too.

Dave iP at 18:22:42 Thursday March 23 2000
Re: the Noel Whelan thing, I have it on very good authority (he's shagging a mate of mine) that he won't think about leaving Cov until the summer, and if he does move anywhere it won't be further south, since he doesn't want to be too far away from his son in Leeds.

Mad Dog at 17:25:52 Thursday March 23 2000
Its got to be Trains, Sails and Automobiles rather that Quad or Tommy - Remember Tommy has that gay arse from Watford init.

Dazza at 16:5:12 Thursday March 23 2000
Nik, looks good, defianlty better than the current page. Maybe needs the site name tad larger.....and the colours are fine!!!!

Tom my at 15:33:9 Thursday March 23 2000
I am miles better than Quadophenia. Well i make more senseless noise.

Question at 15:29:21 Thursday March 23 2000
Quadrophenia v Tommy ?

Paolo at 15:24:29 Thursday March 23 2000
Friday's come early on Alf's!

Doug at 15:20:37 Thursday March 23 2000
Does anyone have any tips on house-training your snail?

Trigger in Old Kent Rd at 15:8:49 Thursday March 23 2000
Do them snails make good pets Dave ?

Fanman at 15:6:57 Thursday March 23 2000
Feddie give us a wave, Freddie, Freddie give us a wave...

Mad Dog at 14:56:6 Thursday March 23 2000
I've got white snails, black snails, yellow snails. Ive got thin , fat, round, square snails. Ive got alive, dead, almost dead snails. I've got smelly snails and snails you can knock into wood too.

Slacker in selling his Mondeo at 14:53:34 Thursday March 23 2000
I'm getting dizzy spells now.

Paolo at 14:50:58 Thursday March 23 2000
And anyway, I rather like the away shirt I've got. Certainly the most wearable WHU shirt for years. C&B may be top colours because they are OUR colours, but it has to be said, they don't do much for most of us!

Paolo at 14:49:44 Thursday March 23 2000
How come the official site doesn't mention it?! Anyway, it just looks black on my screen! And why a new kit so soon, they've only been out less than a season?

Steve at 14:45:36 Thursday March 23 2000
Mad Dog: Are you taking bids for them snails, or are they already promised to Griff?

Steve at 14:43:37 Thursday March 23 2000
Paolo: Go to www.comeonyouirons.org.uk then click on the link for new away kit.

Trigger in Nags Head,Peckham at 14:38:52 Thursday March 23 2000
Alright Dave

Paolo at 14:21:54 Thursday March 23 2000
Tucker - what new away kit?!!

Tucker in England at 14:15:23 Thursday March 23 2000
New away kit are you chelsea in disguise.

Dazza at 14:11:37 Thursday March 23 2000
these colours are a bit bright arent they!!!!

trigger at 13:59:45 Thursday March 23 2000
Dave,do they come with garlic butter ?

Mad Dog at 13:56:9 Thursday March 23 2000
Griff, I have 2 snails for sale.

Paolo at 13:52:58 Thursday March 23 2000
We're three away from getting 100 votes on the 'Top 10 WHU Sites' thingy - VOTE NOW! Alf - you're a hard woman.

t,r,i,g,g,e,r, at 13:49:19 Thursday March 23 2000
Alright Dave,but Ive never had one of those vans......

Paolo at 13:45:28 Thursday March 23 2000
Trigger - there, really, is, no, need, to, put, commas, between, each, word.

Alf at 13:44:49 Thursday March 23 2000
I'm NOT changing the colour of the site so you lot can bleedin' shirk all day. This is as plain as it gets. Be Lucky.

Paolo at 13:43:54 Thursday March 23 2000
We were very lucky with the way the other results went last weekend, but I don't think it's going to happen this week. Looking at the fixtures, I think Villa and Spurs are both going to get 3 points, but Sunderland may slip up, so (if we win!) we might go up one place. But in all likelihood, even if we win, we'll end up still in 9th place. I can't see the gap between us and the top 5 closing either, both Chelsea and Arsenal have easy home games. But at least Newcastle have a difficult away game against Liverpool, so hopefuly that will shut up all the Newcy supporters who have suddenly emerged from the woodwork in the last few days!

Trigger at 13:37:47 Thursday March 23 2000
Wot,no eggs,Dave

Griff at 13:34:36 Thursday March 23 2000
Bollocks, I predicted ham.

Mahoolah at 13:31:39 Thursday March 23 2000
I did predict that I would have Steak for tea last night though.

Slacker at 13:29:5 Thursday March 23 2000
And it really hurts my eyes when I look at Alfs messages.

Steve at 13:27:32 Thursday March 23 2000
Paolo: You can go down the pub safe in the knowledge that our game on Sunday is on SS1 as well as SSExtra. I sent Kanoute an e-mail via the official O. Lyonnais site. No reply yet though.

Slacker in boycott BMW at 13:23:24 Thursday March 23 2000
I've got a headache now.

Paolo at 13:18:38 Thursday March 23 2000
Yeah, but did you say Bertie Brayley would go to Orient?! So much for your predictions, Mr Cleverchops!

green st cafe society in the bog at 13:18:1 Thursday March 23 2000
Paulo,have you got the name right,should`nt it Slapperettes ?

Mahoolah at 13:16:52 Thursday March 23 2000
I said Harry would buy Whelan a few weeks ago. I wonder if its true.

Teamfibs again at 13:11:18 Thursday March 23 2000
Leyton Orient are poised to swoop for West Ham's youth team striker Bertie Brayley on a free transfer. Youth team boss Tony Carr has given him the green light to leave after saying his contract wouldn't be renewed. The 18 year old has been the subject of much interest including a leading Second Division side, but preferred to stay in London.

Teamfibs at 13:10:9 Thursday March 23 2000
Whelan set to join Hammers..........Coventry City striker Noel Whelan could be on his to West Ham before today's 5pm transfer deadline. The former Leeds man did seem set to join Leicester City, but the Foxes are closing in on a £2.5 million deal for the Hammers' out of favour forward Paulo Wanchope. This would give West Ham boss Harry Redknapp the money he needs to lure Whelan, who he made a bid for several years ago, to Upton Park. Redknapp is a close friend of former Coventry manager Ron Atkinson, who brought the 25-year-old to Highfield Road in the winter of 1995. Whelan's ability to play in both striking berths and also all four positions across the midfield will appeal greatly to West Ham who only have a small first team squad due to limited funds. Redknapp will be convinced that he can get the best out of Whelan, who was recently singled out by England boss Kevin Keegan as a potential future star of the national side. Since joining Coventry he has not played a full season without injury or lengthy suspension and this is an area of his game which he needs to shake off. If Leicester fail in their bid to sign Wanchope then they will turn their attentions back to Whelan as a foil for new recruit Stan Collymore. A move to the East Midlands club would appeal to Whelan more than the London switch as it would leave him living closer to his family in Leeds. Whelan used to own a house in Leicester and is a great admirer of Foxes boss Martin O' Neill.

Paolo at 13:7:48 Thursday March 23 2000
The Ironworks (top site!) have received an e.mail they think could be from Kanoute............ "Bonjour! My name is Frederic Kanoute and I am in your country now to play for West Ham United until this season is over. I am 22 and have played and scored for the France 21 team in the last year. I am very much looking forward to playing in England and hope I will be successful. I also am hoping to improve my English while I am here! Frederic"

Paolo at 13:3:2 Thursday March 23 2000
cames, games!!

Paolo at 13:2:26 Thursday March 23 2000
Bloke here at work who has Sky Digital says cames like tonight's UEFA match are only on digital, but the usual Sunday Premier games are on SS1 as well. I hope he's right!

Paolo at 13:1:14 Thursday March 23 2000
Alf - in all seriousness, Slacker has a point, it's a nice colour, but it is rather obvious that you're looking at Alf's. In fact it's rather obvious right from the other side of the office! (Which is why I'm mainly on here at lunchtime and in the evenings!)

QM at 12:53:19 Thursday March 23 2000
Don't know Paolo ( Paula ? ) anyway, Sky Digital are advertising it on the SS Extra Channel. Whether that means it's only on that or it's on that as well as SS1 I really don't know.

Slacker in Up the workers!! at 12:47:29 Thursday March 23 2000
Like I say, this bright blue you can spot a mile away. I have to reduce the window size down to the size of a thumbnail. And it gives me a headache.

Paolo at 12:45:33 Thursday March 23 2000
QM - does that mean I won't be able to see it in the pub????

Paolo at 12:44:6 Thursday March 23 2000
Try this - http://www.the-lights.com/Hammerettes.htm

very angry person at 12:37:4 Thursday March 23 2000
I HATE ALI G. HE IS NOT FUNNY. IF ANOTHER FUCKER SENDS ME A STUPID MADE UP EMAIL THAT A FIVE YEAR OLD COULD WRITE JUST BY ADDING "innit" AT THE END OF EVERY LINE, I WILL KILL THAT TWAT WHO PLAYS HIM AND ANYONE WHO HAS EVER LAUGHED AT HIS STUPID MISHEARING / I AM DENSE GAG. HOW MANY TIMES CAN THE SAME GAG BE DONE BEFORE SOMEONE NOTICES ITS SHITE?

QM at 12:34:12 Thursday March 23 2000
Sundays game is live on Sky, it's on the fancy channel that you can see replays, stats etc

Green St cafe Society in the table by the window..... at 12:19:6 Thursday March 23 2000
Here,Here,if you could throw in a few bits that look like a network diagram,perhaps a few bits of an XL s/sheet,that would be the puppys penis !

Paolo at 11:58:15 Thursday March 23 2000
Thanks Griff. Alf - while you're redesigning this site, could you try to make it look as much as possible like something I might legitimately be working on?! If it could look like a Word document that would be ace!

Griff in a hurry at 10:57:46 Thursday March 23 2000
Paolo - 4 o'clock kick off.

Slacker in Ford Plant Daggers at 10:53:33 Thursday March 23 2000
Don't like this turquoise blue Alf, gives me headache. Any chance of changing it? Make it a little subtler perhaps.

Kanoute signs at 10:52:35 Thursday March 23 2000
FREDERIC KANOUTE is in line to make his Hammers debut against Wimbledon this weekend - if all goes to plan. The 22-year-old French striker is in London where he held talks with West Ham officials. Company secretary Graham Mackrell said: "He came in last night, we reached an agreement with him, and he will sign on-loan until the end of the season. "That is subject to us concluding a loan agreement with Olympiques Lyonnais later today which I would think will be done. "If he then gets international clearance he will be eligible for selection on Sunday." It could be a Premiership baptism of fire for Kanoute with the Hammers set to tackle Wimbledon's Crazy Gang this weekend.

Paolo at 10:51:32 Thursday March 23 2000
It's all those tossers trying to make a fast buck out of .com shares (the reason the net is so slow these days) - I hope it all goes pear shaped, serves them right (except your bit of course Nik!). Anyway, does anyone know if Sunday's game is at 3 or 4pm? I'm away this weekend, so will be watching it in a bar, and I don't want to get there an hour early and have to sit there drinking for an extra hour. On the other hand......

Jokey at 10:51:29 Thursday March 23 2000
Apparently this is true.....(yeah, right) Victoria "Posh Spice" was on a modeling assignment recently and was asked to show off some lingerie. Unfortunately, when she slipped on the panties, there were several pubes visible from the gusset. The attending "hair stylist" snipped off the offending extremities and quite casually said to Victoria, "You know you wouldn't have half as many problems if you had the hair on that unsightly tw*t trimmed." The rest as they say is history......

365 at 10:48:21 Thursday March 23 2000
WEST HAM have signed striker Frederic Kanoute on loan from French club Lyon in a deal that will last until the end of the season. Kanoute is set to make his Hammers debut this weekend in the Premiership clash against Wimbledon at Upton Park. Speaking exclusively to our sister site, Football365.fr, the 22-year-old said: "I'm happy to be joining West Ham. I've seen all of the facilities and had my first training session this morning. The set-up is very different from a French club, it feels more relaxed here." The striker joined Lyon, his local team, as a youngster but has had trouble establishing himself in the first team this season after the arrival of expensive summer signing Sonny Anderson from Barcelona. "I'm at the point of no return with Lyon. I've had to work hard on keeping my spirits up because there are some things that I just couldn't stand going on. I had the impression that neither the coach nor the rest of the club had any confidence in me", he continued. When asked about joining a club that has seen French imports like Bernard Lama, Marc Keller and Samassi Abou struggle, Kanoute replied: "Each of us arrived here in different circumstances. If this doesn't work out for me, I'll go and take a chance elsewhere."

Slacker in Dagenham at 10:43:49 Thursday March 23 2000
West Ham have been made an offer of £6M for Tricky Trevor Sinclair by Arshole Wenger and his cronies at Highbury. Should we take it? With a possibility of Davor Suker and Nigel Winterburn thrown in too? I THINK NOT.

Slacker in his Ford Cortina. at 9:54:56 Thursday March 23 2000
Alf - with regard to the new look Alf. Would it be possible to have something that looks like a cross between 'Hammers' monthly and 'Loaded' magazine?

cock erny wanka... in kebab shop barking road..... at 23:51:48 Wednesday March 22 2000
Wot,yer run aht of fackinnnngggggg chile sauce,you bubble n sqeak............. I blame that redknapp geeeeezerrrrrr

Nik at 22:34:41 Wednesday March 22 2000
The Net has been painfully slow in general for days now.

Dazza at 22:13:10 Wednesday March 22 2000
While we are on the subject of the Top 10 WHU sites, I would like to say that I do not find the link to the site slow at all. It takes just as long to load any other page I seem to access.

Alf at 20:20:6 Wednesday March 22 2000
There's is only one Alf, you bleedas! Another fortnight another archive. Does anyone ever read the bleedin' things anyway? Haven't been about much except to delete imposters, but there are a few changes in the offing. Dazza's signed us up with the West Ham Top 10 sites. The link seems to be broken a lot, and the voting click-through very slow, but it's obviously a brand new thing, so hopefully it will improve. And we're top, which seems as good a reason as any for it to stay! There are more changes to the "Counter" stats too. The IP police will be pleased to know that it now shows the last 30 hits including IP addresses for unknown entries. The service may experience some problems in the change to the new system, so bear with that too. Also, the 'girlie' (!) site is undergoing a total re-design at the moment, but you'll have to wait a bit longer for the new look; Dazza's working on the extremely cool interactive "Alf's Virtual Bookies" (predicting goalscorers, results and placing a virtual stake!) to replace the prediction league next season, so watch out for a trial run soon; AND, we should soon be joining forces with Chris Read and www.comeonyouirons.co.uk. It's all good stuff. Welcome to the nuthouse Chris! See you lads and lasses later.

Come on you Irons 1999