Bodwins "Big Eye" On The World by Bodwin Slipper click here to read Bodwins Bio
As usual I get stuck with the boring job of scouring the net for pissy little useless news stories from around the world. I keep asking the management why, they tell me it's because bleeding I'm insane and not worth risking on any of the really fake news. Bastards. I was only in the bleeding hospital for a short time anyway, simple mix up with that fucking stupid dog next door (never stops barking, ever) and some explosives, besides the electric shock treatment was innefective so they let me out.

So what amazing scoops do I have for you lot of freeloaders this month? Diddly squat. Yup. Sweet F.A (that's Fuck All for you upper class dorks). A couple of shitty reports and that's your lot. Bet your only reading this crap because it's at the top of the fucking page aren't you? I know you don't care what I have to say because if this was at the bottom of the page you'd never bother reading it. The management gave me a warning about my language, that if I didn't stop the constant swearing they'd stop me from putting my talkie bit at the top for you lot to read. The bastards. You better get on and read the stuff below then, read it, go on. I said READ IT!
What a waste of time.
Bodwin.
Ex-President Clinton, Prime Minister Blair Finish Legend Of Zelda Game

Ex-President Clinton and British Prime Minister Tony Blair triumphantly announced to the world today that, they jointly had finished the Nintendo game Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time.

"It was a hoot watching that little guy grow into a big man," said Clinton refering to the main character of the game named Link, who ages as you play.

President George Bush (not pictured for not playing nicely with the other boys) was knocked out of an earlier game of Golden Eye. After throwing a tantrum, threatening to blow everyone up, Tony and Bill said he could join them in a game of Mario Kart 64 later, only if he ordered the pizzas.

The pair played the game in the White House for four days straight subsisting on pizza and soda, and ignoring all world affairs until the game was complete.

"I liked the part where you ride the horse," added Blair.

Reports are now surfacing that Clinton and Blair will invite UN Officials to Downing Street to play Mario Kart 64, the losers will have to forfeit by losing their nuclear arsenel.

"Seems unfair to me," commented Bush. "I'm never allowed to play war but someday they'll all be sorry."

"I'm getting an X-Box soon," Clinton told the press. "And Tony said he'll bring his games round to my house so long as Bushy doesn't come cos they don't like each other much."

Chinese Admit, "We're Just Making Up Sounds, Not Saying Words."

BEJING- In a stunning announcement to the world, Chinese President, Jiang Zemin, admitted in flawless British English that all Chinese languages are "completely made-up as we go" and "a big in-joke at the expense of the rest of the world". Zemin could barely contain his laughter as he made his declaration to a phalanx of stunned reporters from the West.

"I mean come on, none of you in the West ever suspected for even a moment? My God tell me one 'Chinese word' that even sounds like it has a beginning or an end? It all just gets mushed together! We were all so bad at pretending! I mean c'mon! Don't even get me started on our 'alphabet'."

Evidently the joke began with Marco Polo's visit to China in the early fourteenth century. The Chinese he met "were really slurring their words while drunk and he thought they were speaking a foreign language, they got a kick out of it and so we all just kept it up as a tradition sort of thing. It really is quite funny to us," explained Zemin

Interpreters at the U.N. were caught red faced, and at a loss to explain what they were actually translating. While it appears the Chinese translators were merely going along with the joke, those who have supposedly "learned" a Chinese dialect are being rigorously questioned and could face jail time for fraud or institutionalization for those who actually believed they were speaking a foreign tongue.

"Yeah those wackos really scared the beejeezus out of me when I was at the U.N. that time," said Zemin, "by the way call me Gary, that's my real name, Gary Foote."

The reason the joke was finally exposed is that the Chinese could no longer stand idly by and watch Americans dominate the rap music industry that they so desperately love. "Whackity-whack, dopety-dope da doo! Chinese rap will take ya ta scoo!" rapped Foote in poor fashion.

NASA unveil their latest money making idea - Boom or Bust?

NASA's Cheif Advertising Executive Dan Housten unveiled NASA's newest money generating ploy this week. Space Shuttle Euphoria was displayed to the media, splashed with advertising slogans and logos. Unil now NASA bosses have been unwilling to sucumb to the lowly depths of such schemes, but the realization that they'll never get to Mars without generating more cash than they steal from the governmant pushed them to make the desicion.

When asked his thoughts, Dan Housten told reporters: "NASA feels the time is right to take the next step in space exploration. This way we can use the advertising money to put men on Mars, to build the first manned outpost on the Moon and possibly build the first hotel in space."

It seems his optimistic view has infected other businesses who wish to be involved in Americas Space Program. Giant international companies like Sony, Pepsi, McDonalds and General Motors have expressed an interest in using advertising space in the hope that some day soon they'll get their chance to sell their product to a new space bound market.

"Just think in 50 years time or less we'll have the first communities living off-world," said an excited Dan Housten. "And they're going to want to feel comfortable. That means being able to nip off in there Space Pod to a drive-thru McDonalds or buy the latest Space Cruiser from a space bound car dealership! It's an amazing time for space travel and we're going all the way to the Moon - well, Mars really!"