Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Are you real happy to see someone you know? If not, you may not have granted forgiveness. Forgiveness is the dealing with another person's offense in a helpful manner. One definition of therapeutic forgiveness is :

' The handling of another person's inappropriate and harmful deeds in such a way so that it helps the forgiver (the person who forgives, the injured party) find healing and wellness.'

It does that by releasing the forgiver from the offense.
Forgiveness can be a gift that the other either accepts or rejects or does nor even know about.

Forgiveness is in the heart of the forgiver. The offender may be a person that is known or unknown; in forgiveness that does not matter.

For reconciliation to take place, forgiveness is first needed.

Reconciliation has been defined as :

' The re-establishing of friendship between two parties.'

For reconciliation, there first has to be a close relationship, friendship or family tie that has been broken. Here two people are needed and then the relationship between them needs to be restored and the individuals reunited. But forgiveness in itself is not necessarily reconciliation.

Forgiveness and reconciliation seem to be often interwoven. But they are two different things.

In forgiveness, the offender does not have to be known; in reconciliation, the offender has to have a close relationship with the offended and has to be known. Michelle Nelson suggests three degrees of forgiveness, namely :

1. Detached Forgiveness (a reduction of negative feelings),

2. Limited Forgiveness (with a partial restoration of relationship), and

3. Full Forgiveness (with full reconciliation).

by R. Klimes, PhD, MPH

DMW comment :
How to achieve reconciliation ? Both people must want to be reconciled.
Reconciliation involves calm conversation or reasoned discussion.
Only one person needs to be non-judgmental, reasonable and calm to get started.
Often the angrier person will calm down as they feel safe and wanted.
Several attempts may be needed. Each person may need to examine their feelings and attitudes after the failed attempts at discussion.Self-awareness is key to a happy outcome.