Archive | Conspiratory vermin | feedback form | MAILING LIST! link to us

Woodhenge secret revealed by windy ramblings
The discovery of wooden circles similar to the so-called Stonehenge have today revealed their secrets. The huge timber non-stones were aligned perfectly as mirrors in which ancient people could see the reflection of any wooden items they happened to have with them. Tower of Babel conspirators popped up briefly but were again ridiculed and fled in an orderly fashion. "Ancient man was highly intelligent" said professor Gray of somewhere else, "they clearly understood what wood looked like". It seems Stonehenge was built to serve a similar purpose, but for stone. Prof Gray believes this was less successful though, "the peasants had grass and berries, they clearly already knew of stone without being patronised by these idiom sticks".

Man with no name, takes name
A stranger with no name has today taken a name for himself. The now Reggie Walker commented "It's great, before I was... now I'm...". For 34 years he had wandered through Oldham, holding up buses and taking part in shoot outs. Once Britains least wanted man he now farms turquoise in Somerset.

Arse brained tourist know-nothing is stowpid
The heading has nothing to do with the story. It's more relevant to the fact that a stupid person at a travel agent gave us completely wrong information and has fouked up some major plans.. the... Anwyays, a man in Corfu has confessed to being a three leaf clover impersonating a four leaved variety. This terrible crime was committed back in 1936 by a young Aristotle Yogfrella (originally of Cuba). Corfulian courts are now deliberating on what sentence to hand out. Death seems harsh but the only alternative would be a 58 year jail sentence. Aristotle, now 108, is currently taking part in a butter marathon in the Peruvian mountains.

Horse implicated in shoot of non-film
At last! After what seems like days (and indeed was), the two remaining captive goats have bleated and revealed that the mastermind was indeed a horse. Although not going far enough to name a specific horse, or indeed the Horse, Russki police are closing in very slowly. The Horse favoured by Yeltsin has reportedly fled to Egypt where it now sells trinkets and treasure maps to foolish camel herders.

Grotted greened trotter spotter
"Thistles and horns" as passed down by generations of bearded beards. Until now, that is...

Burns tears rubber
Shockwaves have been sent through North America today as future president hopeful Gordon Burns insulted American tyres. "They are all black and rubbery" he claimed, "how the fouk do you live with that?". Several on-hand tyre experts explained to him the pro's and cons of modern tyre design. Burns later rephrased his speech as "They are crap, but efficient and economical, though proving to be a liability in the long term". Later furious at claims his second speech was scripted, Burns tore down an antique painting of George Washington, calling it "a bad mirror". Quite a day for mirrors it seems.

Decoration only
For the sake of continuity here we are. We suspect further communism, maybe and other stuff. As for other stuff, well, you know the rest... (mind you, dont forget the fouk)

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)