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Nuurrr... Now over 100 stories in the archives, matey

Blur beaten to first Mars musical
Any hopes of Blur being the first band to send back a song from Mars have been dashed like a huge stick to an egg. Little known communist rockers, Zen Lenin have landed on the red planet and are preparing for their first off world gig. Front man "gorilla" Guevara announced gleefully "This strikes a blow for communism from the red planet. Ears & stuff". He was doing so well until that. Although the set list is a closely guarded secret, Zen Lenin have only ever written one song (October revolution in the snowy city) so we wonder intently what they will play

Marshall have produced special scary 2001-obelisk-like amps which will carry the noise through the void back to Earth. The tumbling salty Mir will process and spit out loudness to the world with only southern Belgium being unable to hear anything. Rumours of alien sabotage have been dismissed fuelling rumours of possible alien-communist collusion. Particle weapons are on stand by (until they are invented) and hurling of green processes will cease for at least an hour each day until sunset.

One final note, this particular rat has been to see Zen Lenin at their impromptu gig on Mt St Helens (pre-explosion). They rocked then so we see no reason why not again. Gordon Burns fresh from controversy is apparently a roadie.

e.rat exclusive: electric rat have the exclusive rights to show the Zen Lenin gig live. This will kick off the musical rat. More details like another spoon of porridge, soon.

Man burns hat without realising
A man in Mexico who's name we didn't ask has allowed his hat to burn ferociously for nigh on sixteen years and only realised last night when part of his head melted. "It was weird" said the man, "I don't even have a hat".

Campers rejoice in domed cooking expense
The millenium dome has revealed it's true purpose today. It is to be a huge gas stove akin to those used by the common camper. This came to light when British Gas were spotted trying to sneak a gas tower onto the top of the dome and hoping noone would notice. Their idea was destroyed when a foolhardy builder dropped it onto Canary Wharf and flattened the damn place. A large tarpaulin has been pulled over docklands until the builder has the time to rebuild everything. "An unfortunate mistake" said a BG spokeswoman "but the lives lost were not in vain. For years to come, campers will be eternally thankful. Sausage?".

Secret lair - founded
The International Association of Secrets is currently holding an exhibition at Earls Court demonstrating all possible civilian and military uses of secrets. A PR mans name, which was kept secret, said "Secrets can be used in many industrial processes, and in conjunction with weapons grade plutonium". We did pose the question of what this conjunctioning would achieve "It's a secret" said the tediously boring man.

G, G, G, Nay - horsey Grass grows green, grow that grass. Grass, grass, grass... green, green, mmm... the greenest of the grasses,

A pologetic rat gathers no sympathy
Yep, it's true, the rats are heading away on holiday for a week so there probably wont be updates until next Thursday (erkle indeed) when normal service will be resumed. After our brief jaunt to Hamsterdom, we should have a whole raft of continental ships (stories) to make you aware of. We'll also stick a review of all the stuff you would have missed this week to make up for it. Combine all that (with tape maybe?) with the live Zen Lenin gig and we'll have eternal ratness (forever = next week). Be sure to return or just peddle the archives for a week.

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)