2nd Nov
Update size spiralling control freakishness
Erk! The rat has failed miserably in it's update quest for the past few whatevers. However, we are back and you will listen to what we have to say now. Wethinks so anyway and all that jozz (new music). Alsohence (not music) this text just got bigger, which should aid those with painful eyes.
Folly! Mad-arse reserved rat in super charged quest
Mild mannered gentlerat, Phileas Ratt, today undertook a wager to travel around the world in 80 days rat-style. Such a quest could be easily accomplished by humans but this not being the case it fries the mind as to why this is happening. With £28 at stake not ime can be lost and we shall follow Ratt as he travels the world from the comfort of our gutters.
Tranformation friendly barrage death
Self confessed evil minion robot, Minatron, unveiled his plans for world domination today amidst continued controversy about his spacious pagoda antics. Allegedly a member of the pagoda militant division, Minatron scared Frenchmen by confessing to a series of onion beatings throughout Provence. Lionel Jospin famously commented "Death to the yacht!" in a gin-soaked misunderstanding kind of way. Tragically 600 yachts were massacred before the mistake was revealed and Jospin ridiculed on live television. Goats and fresh mould were used in this humiliation excercise.
"Plans" said Minatron "are a mere formality and as such, I have none". When quizzed as to why he called a conference to reveal no plans, the meddlesome reporter was severed at the eyes in a bid to "teach you all a lesson". This would have sufficed to reak dispair and mayhem had the mad-arse metal fouk not continued, "in the social and economic history of Cornwall". Laughs aplenty - then carnage.
Mad robs self
Robber, vagabond, scoundrel and general non-goose Kate Winslet became the first successful self-robbery victim this morning. Announcing to a curious world Scotland Yard's Inspector Horace said "One, two, three, four...". Unbeknownst to us at the time, he was taching a primary school class.
Oh dear - it's all ending here...
