3rd Feb
32% of US college graduates cannot point to own reflection in mirror
Shocking news on the state of US education spilled forth like acid from a leaky truck today. It seems that almost a third of graduates from US colleges are singularly unable to locate themselves in a mirror... More...
Muscle-bound ogre finds solace in tea
Twisted and hurt by accusations of his non-existence, Tolkienesque Ogre Samedi the Crusher has at last found peace in a hot drink made with leaves. "Someone told me to chill out and have some tea so I did". Unfortunately this helpful soul was not around to see how he helped Samedi, after he was dashed on rocks by the towering beast. Samedi has now vowed never to go the rampage again. Instead he will make sure he always has ample stocks of PG Tips.
Taxi driver is mad, claims ME
A snake who beat the system to become a doctor has condemned a Belfast taxi driver as being "the maddest fouk I have ever seen". He gave no reason for this and said taxi driver has now lost his job. Wishing to remain anonymous he did say "I'm not mad, I'm just ahead of my time".
Rinse-washed gritsalt groans heroic for treatise exasperation
One time dictator of Colorado and henceman of Al Capone, R J Noldswick, today pleaded guilty to sixteen offences under the 'Misuse of corpse and baseball bill'. The case was brought against him after his favourite baseball team were caught playing against cadavers. Althought the match was a draw the authorities saw fit to arrest Mr Noldswick and press for the death sentence. Mr Noldswick was not allowed to comment as it may affect the outcome of the 1.15 at Newmarket.
Then they realise why these are here...
