4th Nov
Working flame foreign countenance
A mad man from Belgium has invented a new kind of spinning jenny type wheel just in time for Guy Fawkes burning tommorow. The wheel consists of fifteen hundred overlapping sheets of cast iron, merged with aromatic spices and grass from all corners of the earth. Flame is provided by an elaborate irrigation system stretching to the east mediteranean and a highly active burger bar.
Stig Hystig-Iymstig (the inventior at large) said of his new contraption "It will bring great wealth to my nation and dispel myths that mustached detectives are our main export". Asked for his opinions Hercule Poirot could only say "It was the butler". Two murders were therefore solved and fireworks employed to celebrate. Only a major fire destroying half of Sweden dampened the jumbilation slightly.
In which Ratt swims like a horse
Phileas Ratt has now crossed the channel in his efforts to circle the world in 80 days. He did so by means of a great new invention from top frog-science bod, Ken Livingstone. A jamboree of leaves and lashings of fresh glue created a shoe-like vessel capable of supersonic speeds. With much haste att made the short hop from Bridgend to Bordeaux in just 18 hours. A new record had it not been for much faster crossings.
How did that happen?
Actually, we were rather hoping you'd be telling us.
Aussie ballot bear chaos extremity
In an effort to spur on voters in Australia's referendum on Queen-keeping, organisers took the bold step of introducing so-called Ballot Bears. Voters choose there Yes/No combination (for things are different antipodean fashion) on a huge slab of rotting meat. They then tease the ballot bear, which is chained to a grill, until it becomes so angry that it breaks free and devours all in sight. "It turned out quite differently to what we expected" said Shane Warne "We hoped we'd get an extra wicket, but instead people are dead".
Whats that noise?
Brrrrrttttt.... grrrrrrrrrrrr, frrrsssgggtttt, mmmrrggghtt. Erk! YETI'S!
Back? Maybe but w s c...
