SETI@Home analyses shed
News for 5th Apr
Rotten and festering to the core, part-time space vandals NASA have admitted to bungling their attempt at Dickensian-style data handout. Rather than analysing the distant reaches of the cosmos for signs of intelligent life, millions worldwide have been compiling equally valid, though slightly misleading statistics on their own back gardens...
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Other news
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Mandela Angry at Snub of Worlds Largest Mothers Circle
Stirring controversy with a spoon too big for any bowl, Nelson Mandela has attacked Britain and the US for their action in recent conflicts such as Iraq & Kosovo. Government officials reacted angrily, "But they told us to" pleaded Tony Blair. US defence chiefs were annoyed at the accusations, "If we are expected to consult the UN every time we want to go to war then we'll just have to disband it. Thats not what it's there for". Today the UN is going about its usual business of pronouncing minor celebrities "goodwill ambassadors" and making low-key statements such as the recent "Down with war" and "Yay recycling" programmes.
President Declares Man on Moon before End of Decade
Rumours that Bill Clinton is, rather than breaking new ground, simply rehashing old speeches made by his predecessors seem to have been confirmed today as he announced to an eager crowd that he would put a man on the moon before ten years were through. "That sounds familiar" said political commentator, Ted Hughes. "Didn't Eisenhower say that?". Other points of interest were the proposed abolition of slavery (still a touchy issue), cuts in NASA's budget (most obvious rehash) and praise for a new free-for-all health service. "Scratch that last one" he later said, "Wrong speech".
Internet Magazines do Another Feature on "Krazy" Websites
In an interesting continuation of policy, several news-stand internet magazines have filled otherwise empty space with another article on the "Crazy, Wacky, World Wide Web out there". Such features were once more prevalent than today but professor Simon Shuster is happy at the recent resurgence, "One can only print so articles on shopping, e-commerce and the like. The old zany site feature still has a lot of life left in it yet".
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