7th Jan
Soft drinks czar is coke fiend
Sources close to Tony Blair are attempting to use huge blankets so they might cover up revelations that the newly appointed soft drinks czar is a shape-shifting coke can of an evil disposition, also believed to be a direct descendant of Catherine the Great... More...
Evil Coke's postcards from the world!
Recinder absconded in lieu of catastrophe
Moon-minded men from Wigan have announced plans to digest the first wholly edible grilled bread radioactive by-product of the ill-fated 1978 nuclear missile test near Billinge. Until now it was thought unsafe to eat the warm bread for another 4,500 years. Just recently however a scientist called Bob proved that this was incorrect. "Radioactivity adds to flavour" he was quoted as saying. Four men have already exploded and one distressed woman in Coventry crashed six cars in as many days. "Fouk the law!" she yelled before being gunned down by angry pelicans.
Faster food breeds contempt
Miscellaneous meat pulveriser and golden champion of third world farmers, McDonalds, is to introduce a new burger to join it's famous range of 'food'. The McCorned Beef Sarnie is described as "a mouthwatering slice of Princes corned beef between two healthy slices of toaster bread, includes McDonalds special recipe We Know You Know It's Not Butter". Part time sandwich vendors are now the subject of the big clown parading grease peddlers wrath. One sandwich board person in Dublin was set alight by the spotted manager of an Irish 'restaurant'. "You wanna fry with that?" he asked.
de Gaulle 'disliked crisps'
Further revelations emerged on the state of yellow hued intrigue between the free French army leader and Winston Churchill. It seems that de Gaulle refused to accept crisps off Churchill on no less than five occasions. This is made worse by the fact that 3 of these offerings were Worcester sauce flavour - the very deep-fried potato temptress itself.
Rotating radio 'may' cause offence
A clockwork contraption resembling (so some say) a bending tree is to go on display at the Tate Gallery in London. The piece by Stockport artists John Kuytght and Sandra Weszch is referred to as "spinning, oil laden art for a forward-looking, backward-thinking generation of misfits".
"Well spotted" - Arthur C Clarke
