8th Feb
Newspaper headline read from space not interesting
Big brother style evil spy satellite chiefs around the world are growing tired of their relentless eavesdropping, counter-intelligence and subversive espionage folly, rapidly coming to the conclusion that they do not care what a newspaper says from a great height... [Full Story]
Abertoire finds inward outer casing frigidity to be a problem
Surgical meat avenger, T Robert Johnson of Kent has opened a chain of high street abertoires today amidst fanfare, offal and cleavers. The grand opening (which took place on the ruins of an ancient stone circle) heralded the arrival of what Johnson calls "the consumerisation and multinationalisation of the slaughter industry". Johnson anticipates at least half of his business will come from over the counter sales where eager customers bring a carcass to be hacked 'while-u-wait'.
Babel fouks pinpoint new threat
Increasingly wreaking mayhem worldwide, the reviled Tower of Babel conspirators have again struck a blow to the very heart of society by burning down a village pin shop in Dorset. The crux of their argument is that the proprietor (Mrs Edna Davids) was holding pins upright in the style of the famous tower. Fearing the worst, and that these half-inch pins would reach the moon and destroy us all, they decided to put an end to the 'madness'.
Man told "don't do it like that"
A man in Jersey was today told he was performing a task in an inappropriate way. "Don't do it like that" advised a colleague, "Do it like this". The man took this advice well and completed the task in an acceptable fashion. "I couldn't have done it without him" he said. The other man was modest in his new found fame, "It was nothing" he said.
But we tell them lies...
