9th Nov
Man jailed for singing pro-dictatorship song
John Leslie of Scotland was today jailed for 4 years after singing a pro-dictatorship song. Leslie tied himself up to railings outside Whitehall and burst into "Tie down them peasants" a rousing French suppresive anthem. Commenting on his arrest Leslie could only say "Whatever happened to freedom in this countr... oh, never mind".
Robot arms to guide the way
A huge network of poiting robot arms brandishing iron fingers was unveiled today. This so-called 'GyroHose' will enable lost childen, animals and layabouts to find their way home or to the nearest chemist. Ugly incidents had marred it's predecessors introduction when the arms crushed thousands in communist style iron grips.
Eat biscuits, drink liquid bread
Science bloke Len Fisher has discovered that liquid bread (produced from bread) is a perfect accompaniment to certain grease covered biscuits. "This marks a milestone in biscuit technology" Fisher didn't say. "What would happen then, then...?" said a passer by. "It would fall in" said another one. Observers noted that the traffic cone did indeed fall into the hole. "Amazing!" said Fisher "A new study!".
Dr Watson scared by stench
A new film supposedly starring Dracula and Sherlock Holmes has fallen foul of the censors even before shooting has begun. "We object to the shooting of people" said a censor. "Dracula is dead" replied a director. "Does that make it okay then?" and so on went the conversation. In another mishap, stakes and garlic were found at the bottom of the sea after the captain of the boat carrying them was found choking on parts of a deadly whale.
Brown to buy money
Miser of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown has unveiled what he calls ingenious plans in his pre-pre-budget statement. "We are to use £10.6bn to buy £10.6bn worth of cash" so say the Brownster. This money for money exchange is seen as a way of buying a lot for a lot but losing nothing. The exact benefits of the deal are not being talked about "because there are none" said the chancellor. Honest, but still stupid.
Woooooeeeerrrrrrrmmm
Like the kind of sand ones, but BIGGER!
Fresh pages in lieu of. Shortening in action, that.
