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Nuurrr... Now well over 100 stories in the archives, matey

Gong merchants revel in shiny success in the stars
Makers of gongs worldwide rejoice today on the anniversary of the first gong to plunge into the sun. Unfortunately this caused a huge solar eruption which stretched to Canada and burned fifteen trees to the ground. In Canada it is still illegal to send brass intruments into outer space. Gong maker extraordinaire, Peter Red said "This is a celebration of the gong community's greatest achievement. The world can be grateful for what we did that day". The League of Hatred Against Canadian Trees is indeed very grateful. An international organisation with nearly sixteen members they contributed £40 million to the after show party and provided all the noncy fish biscuits.

It will happen like this (but it didn't)
Conspiring ahoy! Here we have another conspiratory vermin-like slice of the cake called prophecy, Brigg 'Bones' Benson was never so wrong than here. Pray the bearded ones are horrible untruths as well.

Slllloooooowwwwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyyyy...
In cruel twist of faking something natural to impress opposite sex, the above title designed to induce the idea that it took ages to type was actually done in a mere second. O cruel world...

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)