13th Nov
3 months of e.rat!
Man denies nothing
Controversy broke out earlier today when Jed Thomas, low life degenerate, denied nothing at all. "I'm not denying anything" he said. "This is just fouking typical" said an angry horseman "Trust him not to deny that". Similar incidents have blighted Thomas' life since his schooldays. At one point he was expelled for burning down his maths teacher, Mrs Jones.
In which a perculiar type of cheese finds it's way onto Londons cheese markets
It seems word of Phileas Ratt's adventure has had deep interest arousing happenings (as they say). To mark this tremendous voyage Joan Grimsby, master cheesewoman has concocted the Philiostilton - a cheese comprising the best elements of stinking red cheese and poor mans wine.
Meditating creamery burning sensation
Walls! They would like to make it known that a new 'Yoga Yoghurt' has been introduced. Curious cultures practice the art of inner self outing whilst leaving a pleasant and dreamy taste in the pallet.
One man went to mow
Went to mow his meadow. He was rich, or a bumpkin.
Two men went to mow
After the one man underestimated the enormity of the task ahead of him.
Tractor sold
We believe to a man who complained that even 15 men and his dog were insufficient to reduce grass height in a nearby field.
Ceremony not made public "because"
A ceremony designed to inadvertently drive thousands somewhere they would be scared failed the other day. Some 6,000 people were to be herded off for an experience they would never forget. However, disaster ensued and no such procession was organised. Reasons given were invariably "because".
Nail-ridden copse dives furtively
Angry onlookers today paraded a shadow of a man through the towns "posing most danger to the seafront they inhabit". So say the League of Hatred Against Rambled Fen Willow Endearment. "Doing this will only bring down a rain of terror and public scorning" said someone who drove past far too fast. Members of the mob failed in their attempts to stone the car to pieces. Townsfolk, bemused at the goings on held a meeting outside the town hall and agreed never to dismiss talking folk without a fight. Matters of greater consequence were passed over in the way you might pass over the salt.
Sinister
The first one word headline of the day. Indeed.
Repeat - Wash, rinse & that bit o'er there
