Cliched world impressed by US attempt to save planet
News for 14th Feb
World stereotypes united in awe today and stood in large groups near public screens, seemingly joyous and undoubtedly safe in the knowledge that the US government was going to save the world from impending asteroid doom...
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Other news
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Tragic day of consequences baffle the unknowing
Literally thousands of people became confused today as little know Norbert Henry O'Jones aka the walking tragedy decided to end it all and seek employment in some kind of bakery. Bakers unions reacted angrily to the news and have branded O'Jones a scab. "How dare he attempt to work!" yelled one angry man. A fresh supply of pies did restore some pride however and all is well for now.
Farmer doubts "bull in china shop" analogy
North Yorkshire farmer Tom Peterson has astounded his parents by speaking out on an issue which has plagued others like him for decades. Heading for London, Peterson said he was trying to raise public awareness and clear up the misunderstanding, that contrary to popular belief, there has never been a reported incident of a bull entering a china shop. "What the fouk would a bull want? A fouking plate?" said Peterson. Others agree and the party of 500 intend to blockade parliament and be arrested for their beliefs.
Toasted roaming ensures rockery-knowledge is never lost
The newly opened Musuem of China, in China, has had its first visitor today, none other than self-made legend Sep Blatter. Mocked by many for incredibly bad attendance figures the musuem was more than happy to accomodate the man no one else will have. "It's been fun" said Sep. Not often do three words provoke widespread amazement but this has been the case. Books on irrelevant lunacy have been forced to be more careful with their mentions of the football-leading king o'hens.
Now it's very bad...
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