14th Oct
Field of Green plentiness alerts merriment
It may surprise you to know that (generally speaking of course) more than 5,000 fields are decimated each day because of the unchecked destructive powers of clouds? Casually glancing in your happy skyward madness at those innocent but highly deadly vapour-killers - onstensibly providers of rain but hiding a very secret agenda. The Met office is so concerned that all meteorologists are being issued with hand guns.
Eiree Eire in Eirie shocker
The Irish police have announced today that contrary to popular opinion (which, it is said, holds that all police are nothing but dust moving in fast swirls, eddies and the like) it has freed the Horse. The furiously formed League Of Hatred Against Anti-Communist Equestrian Happenings, the catchy LOHAACEH, has issued a statement; "Us people wont like dis any moor, being an open space as opposed to an indication of further to follow. Besides this, we shall not like what is going on and will be stop we would like, no?". It is reported to have lost something in the translation. However, us rats do not take other peoples "words" for it and we have discovered that the speech was actually written by 13th century Bavarian demi-god, Krresth.
Awful titan tidal ramblings
"The world is wet!" screamed supreme water authority North West Water. This startling announcement was precursor to a failed attempt at royal court style intrigue. Northster Watist (their other trading name) had planned to embark on a voyage around the world and bring back spices laden with eastern promise only to be foiled by seals.
What do we need to say? Oh, okay then...
