New-ios feedback form - do it, in a bit here

With a hey & a nonny, but going no further, we herald it's arrival
Look above, you unseeing fouk. Conspiratory vermin is here and now and telling you scary stories of how you are not seeing things the way-they-are. Look, but wear dark glasses.

Mad fouk in irrelevant kidnap horror-jungle
Full time idiot Sep Blatter was today kidnapped in daring raid by communist zealots acting under the banner of Josef the Great, long time ruler of the netherworld popcorn region of Cydonia, on Mars. Given the group's previous public announcements (mostly relating to the repopulation of the sun with the chosen ones) it seems that they have the perfect hostage in Sep, a man who consistently talks crap. The communists have issued a ransom demand which reads "3 full cream, 1 orange". Some top level negotiators are beginning to wake up to the fact that this is a note for the milkman. We await further developments and undountedly, further idiocy.

Medicinal properties of hot-death-stuff exhumed
A lowly doctor of stuff at a big London hospital (who wish to remain nameless) has announced that lava is good for sore eyes. In an announcement that surprised even himself he said "Lava has been proven to destry trees and ravage entire communities, this power can be utilised to fix common eye problems, such as blindness, deafness and elephant-sickness". When asked how this would work, he produced a makeshift fiddle concealing a weapon with which he used to decimate the attending luminaries. Our rat managed to escape through a cupboard to a ferry where he fed to Switzerland and faxed us the story. The doctor is now being torn apart by bees.

Slowly lowly crowing hens make news in TV-le-Bond trilogy
The title has little to do with the news that a small rabbit has become the first 'man' to step foot in Spain. Animal rights campaigners had argued that the grass in Spain was made from "evil space vomit" and the rabbit would melt. The rabbit did melt, but only because it forgot it's ice cream.

Bwaaagggg, said the horse
"Bwaaaggg" said the fish, whilst impersonating a horse doing an impressionist painting of the sky.

News, slow, day in mixed up combination announcement of nothing happening-ness
O' deary we say. It appears that no news worthy of reporting has occurred ever in the history of mankind, over the last day or so. Could that be so, or were our rats outbeing drunk? Beer has it's merits, muchly hey nonny... in true folkienesque style we shall predict the future and be highly wrong. Dunno what will happen news wise but we might expect a true ransom note of some description from the dudes who have kidnapped Blatter-boy. Aside from that, the world is as unpredictable as it ever can be on a Sunday. We await with baited man-traps.

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)