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Nuurrr... Now well over 160-ish stories in the archives...

Disappearing hostages fuel fire of intrigue
A man who was holding 17 people hostage until he got a blue helicopter to carry his crates with, is reported to be overly confused as his hostages keep on disappearing. Now down to just 5, he is rapidly losing his leverage. Police outside are also baffled as noone at all has left the cupboard where they are being kept. "It's baffling" said DCI Walters of Lincoln constabulary, "Maybe they were inflatable people and simply... deflated?". Our ever helpful rat then produced several straws which DCI Walters could freely grasp at.

Announcement expected soon
We'll tell you as & when.

Irish reasoning questioned by mad-arse philatelics
In a further development of our story following the arrest of the Russian Horse (here), Irish authorities have now decided to give a reason. Seamus Gooseman, spinmeister for the Irish government announced "Mr Horse was detained for several reasons". Gooseman declined to make any further statement. Boris Yeltsin has apparently ordered a huge shipment of old stinking fish to Ireland as a kindly gesture in some kind of vain hope that the Horse will be released.

Sources close to the communist party have sparked like the internal workings of an engine to expose evil rumours that a counter-assassination is being planned. Although this later transpired to be a smouldering pile of twigs, it nonetheless scared Bill Clinton enough to press his red button. Luckily though, it was a parachute button and it also saved him from hitting the ground at immense speed.

Growing fast, slowly, but being caught
A fugitive beanstalk has finally been apprehended today by insurance workers in Sweden. The beanstalk was wanted in connection with several withered pavement incidents during 1992. The beanstalk had outrun all efforts to be caught by growing into the clouds and befriendinga giant. The giant lived on tasty beans and in return clubbed lightning so it shattered it's glass-like shocks over anyone attempting to make a cow exchange. The achilles heel however was that the giant (after a trade dispute with Japan in 1990) refused to recognise large herds of buffalo as "cow-like-beings-but-altogether-hairier". The cunning insurance men whistled buffalo songs to attract the beanstalk to the ground, they then stuck posters on it until the plant surrendered.

Ask Dr Henry the time
We have a feeling he will tell you shortly anyway. More to this than you yet realise....

What part of "more throughot the ...", hang on, we did that yesterday

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)