15th Dec
Blairs Which? Project
Tyrannical communist and hot lava zealot, Tony Blair has announced plans to reinforce consumer champion Which? by allowing them to use horrific Frankenstein monsters to annihilate traders who give shoppers a bad deal... More...
Vague weather strife in queuing heresy
An imprecise weather forecast which gave the likely positions of fallen trees has reaked havoc throughout the lake district. The exact position given for one possible falling tree was found to be some 4 cm's out - a fact that almost resulted in the death of an old man who had singularly gathered to watch the occurence. "It was scary" said the man "One minute I was watching from a comfortable distance and the next I was in the very jaws of death". Having lost his horse a year ago the old man decided he would not use his gun, much to the relief of local boy, Gerry Taylor. His relief is understandable given the apple he has perpetually strapped to his head.
Running yellow closes gates to flooding greatness
Forgotten mountaineer, Hilary Clinton, is no longer interested in buying a pair of shoes she saw a month ago. This shock revelation came about during a press conference for a worthy cause promoted in order to make her look good. "I really thought she'd buy them" said one observer. "So do I" said the shopkeeper. Although the shoe affair overshadowed the conference, she did have chance to make one closing comment - "I am great" she said.
'Twas now in winter ye mead made nice iced creams...
