17th Dec
Local boy spends £5 on sweets
Scheming detractor of millions, David M sent shockwaves ravaging over the world today by confessing to having spent £5 on sweets. That is a whole £5. On sweets.More...
Once timing, thrice hoarse - in colour
A timber tout from Los Angeles made legal history today after winning the right to marry a four foot length of Red Cedar he has named Beatrice. Apparently the two met whilst the wood fancier, Geoff Cooke, was fishing for excuses in a race against time. The yachtsman who married the pair in colossal airship was later found gibbering incoherently. Beside him were four empty bottles of varnish.
Build a house, here, like this
A revolutionary new home building kit goes on sale in DIY matriachy B&Q from today. The kit, consisting of forty thousand bricks, some sand and large amounts of felt and clay is set to give established home builders a run for their money. "It's about time people realised how easy it is. Not a black art at all" said a B&Q navvy. Redrow Homes' black magic division (the so-called X-Men) cursed loudly at the news. "A house is merely a tool. We provide the paper".
Raging water fills bath
A woman who violently turned a tap and allowed a torrent of hot and undoubtedly wet water to spurt henceforward (new word) found that just 10 minutes later the bath had been filled. "Tht was nice" said Mrs R Jones "The way it did that".
Polonium in tubes does not a great breakfast make...
