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Yeti threat laughed at by green-men from defensively inclined building
An MoD spokesman has made an announcement on yesterdays horrific Yeti invasion of Norway, "Yeti's pose no significant threat to us in the UK. It is a well known fact that Yeti's cannot swim. Of course the channel tunnel will be blocked with some kind of giant sponge but we are quite safe". When quizzed about possible incursions by boat or ferry-like-seagoing vessels he said "We have guns for that kind of thing. Coastguard and customs are on orders to shoot at boats". Understandably fisherman are quite worried about this, but it's their own fault really.

Scenic tours through rock-faced mountains
A skeleton of a horse drawn carraige was found today, encased in rock at the bottom of a quarry. "Of course this has happened in the past with frogs, toads and even a pterodactyl but never a horse drawn carraige" said the owner of the quarry, John Goose. Experiments are already underway to find out exactly how this occurred and, more importantly, whether it is still rideable.

Mmmmmmm...
Stalin, Lenin, Che, Lynam...

Yes sir, they're gonna save us
A maniacal group of vigilantes, vagabonds & vagrants have banded together to form a group known as CYLOHAY (apparently standing for Counter Yeti League Of Hatred Against Yeti's). Despite the stowpidly repititive and pointless name, they are determined to stop the Yeti's before any further countries fall at their furry hands. Apparently hiring weapons from disillusioned communists they are to set out to Norway in a flotilla of fur-death. Obviously the mad foukers didn't here the earlier news. Heh heh.

Non-colourful non-rodent lie fest from MP-wannabes
Blue men of mice from Mars today actually revealed they weren't from Mars, weren't mice and most importantly, not blue. They made this public due to the fact they wish to form a political party and run for election at the end of the current parliament. This, however, does not remove all skeletons from every cupboard. The skulls of a thousand locusts still clog the drains outside their Beirut headquarters and it will take some PR exercise to aid public ignorance into this.

A fishing we may go
But probably not. More likely we will be bringing you yet more of the news that really matters. Besides, if we went fishing in a boat, we would be shot. Anyways, tommorow then. Well we dont expect CYLOHAY to survive long, nor the horse drawn carraige to break the world land speed record (but who really knows?). Apart from that we shall defeat tradition in a compliantly defeated kind of way by saying - we don't know what else will happen. Should be fun finding out though. Oops-o-wombit, almost forgot - fouk!

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)