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Explaining away yesterdays looked-like-nothing-happened bungle
It's a blatant fetid lie that the rats did not update yesterday. They did, with the stowpidly arse-fouked omission of the date. Changed now, but of no consequence to orange farmers (or you). Check the page itself if dont believe us, untrusting fish...

Automata in shopping tabloid big shock horror shocker of magnificent proportions
In typically overstated robot fashion, a merry group of metal elephants (well, no) took to the streets today in a new campaign to be known as Data Equality For Robots or DERF. However, at present it is still called Robot Shopping Interest or RSI. The aim of the campaign is to have the law change so supermarkets cannot discriminate against robotic shoppers. At present, most major chains, with the notable exception of M&S, do not allow unaccompanied robots into their stores.

Beefcat
Good name for a film innit?

Ruled with an iron fist (made from wood)
A woman from Clitheroe (who shall remain nameless), Beth Williams (oops) today became the first woman to successfully iron a tree. Whilst carrying out her non-female-stereotypical-do-the-washing-have-my-tea-on-the-table-when-I-get-home housework, she decided to alleviate the drudgery by taking her iron to the local foret. Forest ranger, Benjamin Pollster commented "Great. Thats all I fouking need - another damn activist). The forest had previously been inundated with campaigners demanding a motorway be built on the site and objecting to the governments plans to build new trees there. The woman had only this to say, "I'll need a bigger washing line".

Rocketman reaches for stars, by elevator, in his flat
The so-called Starchaser rocket launched today amidst speculation that it is actually a scaled down model of the Tower of Babel. Many analysts are worried because if it is true that plans are underway to build a full size model, the whole world might explode. The blokey-dude who launched the rocket denied he had even built anything rocket-like. He later denied saying that. We deny we made that last bit up, but we did. In actual fact, the only denial made was by Jack Straw who today denied he had a girly blue coat. Connections are already being established between this & the rocket and we are looking at sugar very intently.

High toxicity leakage leaves MP tattered in non-direct resulting consequence
In a top-secret leaked document from somewhere near parliament, we have found a section proposing the legalisation of radioactivity. The section in brief reads "To legalise radioactivity would result in lower levels of crime and strife in the country". When questioned on this bold move, MP for Biglakeoffish, Cumbria the Rt Hon Bob Johnsworth commented "Yes, but 10 years ago people would have been up in arms about the legalisation of pottery but who cares now?". He successfully managed to avoid questions completely throughout the rest of his fifteen hour interrogation. So rife was the frustration that several angry journo-types marauded the hapless governing person and forced spittle through his ears. Other government sources have understanbly refused to add further comment, or indeed carcasses to be ravaged.

Early to-do and general stuffing for the off
Yeeeeeeessss... it's the end of the day for us rats here (off a bit earlier, but not much). As we turn our furry paws to tommorow we wonder if there will be Yeti news given the distinct lack of such today. Are they planning another attack? Possible but we cant be certain. After all - it's a weird and un-foretellable word. We have seen a dearth of fouk-spouts from Blattsterama recently. We hope things stay this way. In general then, we dont know. We had better start knowingly befilling ourselves with brain-enhancing all encompassing learned things though else this section will become tediously dry & repetitive as well as tediously dry & repetitive. Even us rats aren't above some cheap ITV sitcom stolen mouth restrainers (we know what we mean). On a final note, remember to enter the once in a lifetime (for most of you) chance to be slaughtered (interviewed) by the inquisitor rat. From then on, we pick the most ratooiney type peoplists and general stoooooooof. No fouking off here, sir.

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)