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22nd Sep
Nuurrr... Now well over 180-ish stories in the archives...
Feet dragged by furry ones
The dragster race that led to the arrest of Horse has taken a horrific turn. Accidentally entering Norway, the drivers were torn apart by rabid Yeti's and fed to seals. "Aarrrghhh!" said a man being ripped. "Grrrrrrrssmm grrrrrrt!" said a Yeti explaining the penalties fro illegal immigration.
Fish; swim
The entire world population of fish (believed to be in the thousdands) is under threat from "evil water" as described by scientists at a Dublin university. "Evil water is like normal stuff, but eviler" one of them said. Appartently this originated in the '60s when an evil being spat into the Seine. Since then it has worked it's evil way into the Atlantic and over large areas of the world. Rumours that Evian have been bottling evil water for the past 15 years have been denied. "It's pure, pure evil" said a misinformed spokesman,
World-fix air problem reporting confusion
A revolutionary new system for the control and manipulation of non-migrating hippo-birds in their natural habitat has gone on sale today, in Dixons. The system (comprising two boxes, a car and some rope) promises to increase "non-ark related cheese mammilians by up to 60%". An impressive boast, but head of Great Northern Science at the Great Nothern College of Durban is doubtful. "Crap!" he said "Nothing that short of beast cholesterol is capable of such a feat". Having researched the mechanics of such manipulative-gore-festitisise' we are inclined to agree.
Itsa deal
A supposed tie-up between John o' Groats and Roger Henson from Bath has fallen through after the former discovered the latter was not a town on the very edge of a coast somewhere. "He's just a man" said John o' Groats. Henson responded "Bloody hell, a talking town!".
M...
Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)
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