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23rd Sep
Nuurrr... Now well over 180-ish stories in the archives...
Narbit o' Hara names his mentor
Having absolutely no idea what that title has to do with this we'll instead report how a fifty foot green doll went on a rampage mission through Texas. Disgruntled localman ingeniously named Tex commented "Fouking dolls, they always do this just when noone is looking". He is referring to a spate of doll based destruction in 1995 when the entire state of Greensplat was destroyed and immediately removed from all documents to prevent embarrassment.
Jumping into SOS related chaos
The paramilitary wing of the Alan Hansen fan club is reportedly behind the bombing of Des Lynams house that occurred late last century. Slow to come forward spokesman announced "We forgot... sorry". It is widely believed the extremist group are plotting against Trevor Brooking but the Brookster is laughing off suggestions. "Noone will ever hurt me".
Trevor Brooking shot!
Famous punnet pundit, mad arsed Trev-or Brooksta (as he likes to be known) has been injected with cold soft cheese. Romours are rife that members of the pseudo-fascist Hansen Army are behind it. Trev became a target after speaking unfavourable about Hansen at a sportsmans dinner; "He's a fouk" he said. Police have arrested Jimmy Hill for a chin related crime but he is not being implicated in this crime yet.
Stitch in time builds jumper
A doctor of time at Oxford has knitted the first jumper to be made of seconds. Susan Frog (she calls herself this) knitted the jumper in an effort to promote the use of seconds; "People are discarding seconds in favour of minutes and hours, it's a dying tradition" she said. Apparently the number of seconds in active use has dropped over 60% in the last two years. The jumper is an hour and a half size.
Delaying tactics disguise slowing down
BT has announced they are introduce a revolution in telecommunications. By means of a small blue box, called a box, people can communicate with others as they never could before. All you need do is be silent and hold the box above your head. Passers by can write stuff on paper and you can read it. In this way you are opening new doors of interaction, says the press release. In actual fact only six of the boxes will be blue - the rest are an off-white colour.
"Schocking..." he said. More is due (we say)
Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)
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