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Moon found - on holiday!
It's true, for the first time in knowingness history, the moon has gone on holiday. Evil papparazi photographed the lunar rock-ball poncing around on a beach in the Arctic. Commenting on this amazing occasion the known authority on the natural world, Richard Attenborough (who actually knows more than his brother - but likes to keep it secret) said "It's quite astounding that a rock can adapt to the cold so well". We helpfully pointed out that space is much colder. He in turn pointed out that it was us who revealed the moon was only several feet from the ground, hence not in space. We then put him in hospital.

Greenbacked growth stems flow to Arabia
In one of those 'too good to avoid' type occurences, a huge tree (with no leaves) has grown arms and is swimming across deep monster-filled lakes in an attempt to set a new world land speed record for a solar powered hippo. It is being managed by none other than... hang on, it is being managed by none other. That is to say it has no manager, and since speaking trees are quite absurd then we couldn't get any cool quotes.

Murggen found Flluurrgeen on the Splluurrggen
Miiccckkkkkkk (spit!) of Liverpool today announced his intention "To damn move it like no Miiiccckkkkkkk [spits] has ever done - in me pocketttt!". Don't worry, we know exactly what he means...

Boy cries goat but police already aware
Two of the goats under arrest and suspected of assassinating the tall fish (if you haven't got a clue what this is about, read the damn archives) have escaped the hairy police who had them. A small boy cried "Goats!" but was eaten by a wolf. His ramblings would not have concerned police anyway who were already well aware of the flight to freedom. Reports are coming in of sightings near the Arctic. Perhaps the goats are planning on heading back into outer space, or perhaps not. Details of how they were allowed to escape are sketchy, being covered up with a huge fur coat. However, as we understand it, one goat ask for some water and freezing this with his icy goat breath, made a gun and massacred the singular guard. The other two goats were dressed as bricks at the time and had no idea what was going on.

Beefcat II
It's the sequel.

Goated escapey updatey
Apologies for silly ommission, it was actually two goats and a semi-captive hen that escaped. The hen was being held for conspiracies against the 'birdland' and was due to be strung yesterday (but they forgot).

House on hill slowly whispers
"And why exactly should we stop for a man with only one eyebrow" was a quote from bus driver Bob Geldof (ex band-dude). This outburst was provoked by a steep 90 degree slope (well, 89) which forced his bus to overturn and explode triumphantly. Burning passengers took refuge in an abandoned house. The house was then demolished and the splintered survivors fell into an acid lake. The bus company have issued an apology and will be offering refunds.

Urn elected Moose-Lord
French rebel thugs (twigs) have overthrown their curent president and replaced him with a hand crafted urn. The urn, known as 'Le Urn' in a fit of gallic genius, has designs to rule the world and place similar items of pottery in power. Rebel rebellions known as 'le potted fist' are trying to mount an assassination attempt utilising some kind of heavy hammer though all seven members are currently drunk and buoyant in the English channel.

Delayed in porting past
Erk! Depending on the time o' day o' you's like to visit here for yo stuff, you may notice some slight delaying tactics tommorow. This is reasoned by the fact our rats need to have new passports and need them extremely quickly. The rats are running like geese and will be back before most of you even blink (twice, in a minute). Mmm... cheque...

Anyway! Tommorow, can we expect the ongoing assassination trailbrazer to continue? Likelymost indeed (new word). We are happy now the moon has been found but will it have more tricks up it's sleeve? We will sea (the sea, sailing sea, wheeeeee). Er, what we mean is we shall seeeeeeeeek. Fouk it! We'll just have to weight...

Coming sooner (possibly) - the whole rat thing. i.e. musical rat, conspiratory vermin & quite possibly elsemore (new word)