26th Nov
Roach-fodder plastic membership bonanza
Leaders of the world today united in horror at what they see as an a subversive attempt to bring oblivion onto us as we approach the year 2000. The millenium bug, in all it's ticking bomb glory received confimation this morning that it had been accepted for, and will be issued with, a Barclaycard... More...
Small things large under microscope
Top scientists at Oxford today revealed that after 10 years of intensive research, small things really do look bigger under a microscope. Dave Froggatt, head of the research team said "Until now we weren't entirely sure but it is now certain. It's almost as if the damn thing magnifies stuff". Scientists across the globe could be forgiven for breathing a collective sigh of relief having not wasted all those years simply thinking things looked bigger. One chemist was not happy though "It confirms that my eyesight is not getting better" he said to a tree.
Unity in unison confirms split
Groaning Tristan of Yore, Miles O'Hara (long lost swilling partner of Narbit) has caused widespread dissention in the League of Hatred Against Hills. After spending the last 15 years on flat ground he recently scaled a range of enormous mountains as some kind of sick joke. Members of his quasi-communist organisation saw this as an act of war and declared the end of peace in their small dim-arsed minds. One member stood atop a soapbox to address the revolutionaries and was shown the error of his ways. "Damn your fake hill!" cried the crowd and hurled grass at him.
Lost one finds two in freedom
A group of old women from Aberdeen this morning appeared on at least five television shows silmutaneously. Their leader gave reasons for this ranging from "Death to paper!" to "We as one will conquer all before us". Unknown for their militant aspect until now, the 'Ladies Action Force' most likely have all those world conquering desires that so bore us all nowadays. "No!" yelled one of them "We merely want some tea. We would like some tea!".
Frozen Horace in hippo mixup
Chaotic and degenerate. Words as they are, they have also been used to describe wildman Horace of no known secondary name. It seems though that all is not as it... seems... Horace was yesterday diced and used as animal food for the 'Peoples Zoo of China' in Sudan. Angry mobs barricaded the hippo that became the temporary resting place for poor Horace until he finally finds peace helping a variety of plants (and possibly vegetables) to grow. Find solace in this o weary traveller!
A day or two the same wont hurt you, lest we forget...
