27th Jan
Murderous Clinton reveals past antics
Bill Clinton, frost bitten through political barraging, today admitted to having killed someone in his past but 'did not enjoy it'. This revelation comes as pressure groups step up their campaign to have murder de-criminalised... More...
Delays, lazy damn delays
The past weeks of discontent on this here E.Rat can be attributed to a spate of a virulent and unnamed illness. Which is all you need to know really.
Four times round the block yields hay-tastic celebration
Singer, guitarist, yodler, balloon-stretcher and freelance cobbler, Ted Morris, annouced plans for a yacht contest today. The contest involves talking about a yacht to a man opposite the table. If the man happens to mention water, the table must be converted into some kind of laser weapon and used as a floodgate for no less than 6 days. After this time it can be donated to charity or converted to a barn.
Lost it
Woman in Kent loses house! That's what the papers say. The truth however is much more harrowing. The house never existed and poor Mrs Kettle had spent 72 of her 85 years living in the belly of a huge dragon. Upon hearing the news, Mrs KEttle was consumed by flames. Her relatives were consoled by the impromptu Guy Fawkes impression, "It's the way she would have wanted to go" said her daughter, a plasterer.
"Once again" - Mooro the anchor
