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Sale of the centurian

Cut-throat pirate of music sales, HMV, has announced plans to branch out in altogether unexpected ways so as to grab itself an explosive advantage over it's competitors. From the 1st of January all the company's money-of vouchers will be redeemable against tanks, APC's and other armoured weaponry... More...

Rotating eye frolics frustate elders
The London Eye, a huge wheel designed to induce motion sickness in ways undremt of has another purpose it was revealed today. It seems as though British Airways have decided to have it roll across London in an unstable manner to celebrate the new year. "It will fall over at some point" said BA warlord Bob Ayling "Of course the safest place to be will be in the sky, on a BA plane". After a prolonged sales pitch details were given as to the estimated damage this was likely to cause as well as a likely route it may follow. "It's tremendous" said Fred Dibnah "This sofa is just £333 with interest free credit and nothing to pay for 15 years".

Nurturing furnitiure infiltration demolition
Greased-up mountain-like innovator of wireless bedroom apparel, DFS has announced it intends to sponsor minor celebrities who will promote their line of amazing offers in circumstances deemed 'completely irrelevant'. It follows a survey the company sponsored which suggests that consumers pay more attention to misguided adverts than the more carefully place ones. The list of commercial slaves is not being revealed but Richard Whitely did make reference to an exciting table/chair combo during countdown last week. It may also be worth noting that the first ever 3 word conundrum contained the letters F, D and S.

Fossil fueled mystic of the night
Squashed Jasper of Tottenham was today caught stealing a handbag belonging to one time titan of Greek mythology Kolan Bereftus. The lesser known steel behemoth had been doing some bargain shopping when he was faced with the tarot reading fouk of fouks wielding a bus stop and a perished hen. "Have at ye!" shouted a shining knight in the corner. He was ignored and so the deed was fruitless.

26/08/99:
Punditry backstabbing chaos

10/08/99:
Come back Dick Whittington, beat Archer into submission!

25/08/99:
Rampant Russian siege confusion

12/08/99:
Cardboard olympiad merriment

31/08/99:
Babbling hay-beast to rule France serenely