World stereotypes united in awe today and stood in large groups near public screens, seemingly joyous and undoubtedly safe in the knowledge that the US government was going to save the world from impending asteroid doom...
In London people donned bowler hats and began to sip tea in the street. "Jolly good show these yanks are putting on" said a man before his view was obscured by a red bus. Meanwhile in Paris a man wearing a beret and striped shirt cycled past the eiffel tower. Upon noticing the fiery object earth-bound he said the only thing he could, "Sacre Bleu!".
As Bill Clinton made a speech to the entire world, thousands of less wealthy folk from Asia gathered in huge crowds to listen to a single radio. There was only a five minute interruption so that some people could catch fish with their hands and eat some rice.
The asteroid, remarkable for not being noticed by anyone else other than NASA, is reported to be just a few hours away from Earth. A rag bag team of professional miners is to be sent into orbit with a huge mining rig to blow the asteroid into two pieces which will hopefully miss the planet. Back on the ground NASA will keep a watchful eye on things in the shadow of a huge US flag.
NASA was optimistic about the mission, "Of course we will see a few low lying south pacific countries devasted" said mission commander, Tuck Greenback, "We'll also see an industrialised country like Italy ravaged, which is handy because it brings the tragedy closer to home for our citizens". Bets are already being taken on which world monuments will be captured on film collapsing or meeting another such dreadful fate.
As the shuttles head for the rogue rock of death we can only hope that we shall all be saved and dance merrily in public at the end.
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