Monochrome and Orwellian in nature, the seemingly omnipotent and suppressive force known affectionately as 'Big Brother' has surprised even the most ardent of conspiracy freaks by revealing he is, and has for some time, been watching someone else...
In a statement handed to the press by his solicitor Big Brother said he was seeking to dispel "damaging rumours and control freak allegations". "The time has come" said his solicitor Mr Greene-Adams, "To realise that Big Brother is not watching you, he is watching someone else".
Quite who this someone else is has sparked much rumour-mongering and a few isolated incidents involving a crisp. Bookmakers are taking bets already on who this unlucky person will turn out to be. Of interest are Elvis at 1000-1, Dame Thora Hird at 2500-1 and rather bizarrely Henry Thomas, squire and stableman to the 8th Earl of Derby at 4500-1. The latter has attracted a large bet from a consortium of hangmen in Bolton. Conspiracy therorists are now working on a way to plausibly explain an 800+ year lifespan.
Quite how long we will be able to go about our lives unwatched was not being discussed. Though at present Big Brother is busy with other matters it is widely accepted that the safest place to avoid future surveillance would be Wigan Pier, an area that Big Brother staunchly refuses to accept exists.
With this interesting news under their belts journalists quizzed Big Brother's solicitor on one particular year. "Oh 1984" he said, "That was his 21st birthday".
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