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Lie back and rest, hear the seagulls flapping like mad fouks in an embittered race of sea frothing, milk melting proportions. Allow the freshly preserved conspiratory vermin to unravel that stringy mass enveloping all you hold dear and place it into the deepest fiery depths of an iceberg. In common with this non-Swedish water formation - this is just the veritable pinch of a tea bag - the rest in all it's full horror will eat you alive, if we let it...

Prophecy! Have us rats gone fouk!? No! We merely reuse this phrase to stress the relevance to this damn thing, you idiot. In a curious following up of what we intended for, we bring you the prophecies that didn't quite make it. some were close but others baffle even the largest of oxen.

• Harking to the ear, the east will rise in round shirted chaos - This was obvious going on in Jersey at the turn of the century. Even the easterly prevailing salesman knew that.
• Broken tinsel wrapping incites palace intrigue - Close to predicting the scandal in King Henry VIII's court over a mere bauble. Not close enough mind you.
• In nineteen hundreed and eighty something, musically inclined will rejoice - Ha! A predic tion of good music in the 80's. Scorn be with you.
• Gondola crfeamery by the sea shall not to Belgium take - They didn't take gondola's, the mad Irish Grtty men of 1878 merely threatened to. Instead they took small blades and were arrested at customs.
• Jeremy Beadle will rule the world - Although it may turn out true, we dearly, dearly hope not.

There were more of these, but being the well greased ratlike machinery we aren't, we cannot show the arse to be bothered with them. In fact almost all of the other 300 refer to the wave like bouyancy of long grass in the wind. To cast opinion on such a thing is several trifles more simple than to observe this. A mere field is difficult a plenty but to predict for an entire galaxy is quite frankly fouked up.

Just because you aren't paranoid, doesn't mean that huge monster wont eat you (because it will)...