'Blue Castle
Adventure' by Stuart Parker - 25Jan2007
>LOOK
-There is a cursed pigeon here. On the shelf is a box of pretzels.
>USE POISON WITH PRETZELS
-The pretzels are now poisoned.
>THROW BOX OF PRETZELS AT PIGEON
- I do not understand 'box'
>THROW PRETZELS AT PIGEON
- I do not understand 'throw'
>KILL PIGEON WITH PRETZELS
- Who do you want to kill?
>GIVE PRETZELS TO PIGEON
- How can you do that?
>FEED PIGEON PRETZELS
- I do not understand 'pigeon pretzels'
>EAT PRETZELS
-You eat the pretzels.
-You were killed by poisoning. Bad luck.
-Score 9/100. Rating: Poor.
-Would you like to try again? Y/N
>N
Sticky Question: Adventures In Customer Service - 30Apr2005
I could go on and on about middle-class daddy's/mummy's boy/girl freshers
being unleashed for the first time on society and their resounding ignorance
in the ways of wiring television cable and which lightbulb is a 'standard'
lightbulb. But I'll save that for another rant.
And now, a recent conversation between FRESHER STUDENT GIRL (FSG) and
CUSTOMER SERVICE ASSISTANT (CSA).
FSG: Hi, I'm looking for something but I don't know what it is.
CSA: Right. What does it look like?
FSG: Well, you know my bedroom, yeah?
CSA: I've never been to your house.
FSG: Yeah, well I've got this heavy mirror and I like wanna hang it on
the wall?
CSA: Right. It's heavy. You will need a drill, some wall plugs and some
screws.
FSG: Yeah, only I don't want to make a hole, and like I don't have a drill,
and I don't wanna buy one?
CSA: OK. So what do you want to do?
FSG: Like have you got any of those sticky pads or something?
CSA: Sticky pads really aren't recommended for a heavy mirror.
FSG: Well it's not heavy, like it's quite light.
CSA: Is it heavier than this lamp?
FSG: Oh way heavier than that lamp, yeah. Yeah.
CSA: Right, it's too heavy.
FSG: Well what can I put it up with then?
CSA: We have some heavy-duty picture hooks.
FSG: Yeah, how do you like put those up?
CSA: With a hammer.
FSG: Oh, I like haven't got one those either.
CSA: We sell hammers.
FSG: I don't want to make any holes in the wall? Can't I just use sticky
pads?
CSA: These sticky pads clearly state that they should specifically not
be used for affixing mirrors, especially the heavy variety.
FSG: Yeah, but like, if I just use a whole pack or something?
CSA: Won't sticky pads ruin the wall in the same way as creating holes?
FSG: Oh, I'd leave the mirror up for the next people, I'm sure they'd
be absolutely fine with that.
CSA: Shouldn't you be more worried about what your landlord might think?
FSG: No... what's the landlord got to do with it?
CSA: Oh, never mind. Try the sticky pads if you want but it's nothing
to do with me.
FSG: Oh, thank you, thank you. And, oh just one other thing... I'm in
a basement room and it hasn't got a window, and I wanted to put a roller
blind on the wall to make me think there is one?
CSA: Er...
FSG: Only I don't have a hammer. Do you think sticky pads will do?
The end (and the beginning). |
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