atlantis - season one

Season One

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Rising pt I

Oh... now I’m all confused. Shouldn’t there have been an ad break? Now my pasta is going to boil over.
"Several million years." Well that narrows the time frame down
Did Jack have the special gene then?
I'm not sure I have a favourite continent. I've never had the chance to compare
No one ever believes you when you say that until you’ve broken several valuable things.
It must be really hard to fly that thing with Jack shouting unhelpful instructions in your ear.
I love that line, "For me, not so much..."
Didn’t McKay work for the Pentagon last time we saw him? In which case he’d be American. I know they ordered him to Russia, which seems unlikely if he was a foreign civilian
I want to be able to give out Code Word Clearance
McKay looks unsure about it.
Shouldn't someone patch the hole in that dome?
Or it could go horribly wrong. I suspect it will.
That really was very succinct
That’s the first ‘with all due respect’ of Stargate Atlantis
Okay, I know Atlantis and SG-1 are different shows, and I know Vancouver is full of incestuous sci-fi shows, but that’s the guy who gave Sam a cat even though she never had sex with him. Are there really no fresh actors out there?
He left his cat behind! I would have made sure I could take mine with me
Very much outside the network range.
There must be one person who wants to chicken out.
Where's Chevron Seven Guy? Does he not have the necessary training for an eight chevron jump?
The SGC can still dial up and talk to them and send things through the gate, so it’s not quite as isolated as they’re making it sound.
What is Daniel trying to say to Jack?
Enthusiastic Army guy seems to have forgotten that he's just going to come flying backwards out of the gate on the other side and land on his ass
I love excited spaceship guy.
They seem incredibly excited by lights that switch on by themselves. The lighting in the downstairs toilet at work does that
Of course it's underwater, it's *Atlantis*
They can see sunlight through the water though, how far down can they be?
It's nice to see that the scientists have gone straight to the instruments instead of simply looking out of the window
I think I’d start panicking the moment I realised there was only a force field between a million tonnes of water and me.
Why has Beckett got a saltire on his uniform when the other British scientist has a Union Jack?
I’m growing quite fond of Beckett; I fear he’s going to die horribly fairly soon.
Ooooh! I like their Stargate. It is far more spangly than the regular gate, isn't it?
Didn’t they listen to the story about all the other planets being over-run with a formidable enemy?
I'm not going to like Teyla. I can tell
You drink "stout tea" *because* you have to get up early, not the other way around
Ah... the Atlantis team are about to endanger the peaceful and happy natives aren’t they? This sounds eerily familiar.
It's nice that they made a children's toy out of the menace that periodically scours their planet
I’m quite impressed. I’ll even forgive it for messing up all my videos by not giving me chance to change tapes. The tape-swap is tricky without a break, but if you crouch in front of the t.v. and are willing to forego the MGM logo, it is just possible to change tapes in time

Rising pt II

How does he know that she's really there?
I’m hoping this isn’t the actual title sequence, because it’s a bit dull.
That was a very cool explosion. I sense I’m going to be saying that a lot this episode.
Considering the tag line of this show is “A Lost City Rises”, I’m not too worried about what’s about to happen.
She’s not really in a position to criticise the boy with gate address which won’t end in mass slaughter.
Wow... I just hope they haven't spent their entire seasons effects budget on that shot. Although even if they have it may be worth it. The city looks amazing
They still haven't got any power though, have they?
Enemies with strange facial hair are always promising.
I am Spartacus! Sorry
Do not bring regenerating enemies home to study. Shouldn’t there be a manual of this stuff by now?
Just say yes...
I like his obsessive need to describe the etymology of 'gateship'
I’d like to think that, when facing my imminent death, I’d still be able to argue over who should be allowed to name things.
Perhaps the Ancient's galaxy doesn't have turkeys
Oooh, thunder *and* mist; they must be bad.
The skeleton at the table has decomposed but the fruit hasn't?
The Wraith woman has excellent coloured hair
Bye Bye Colonel Sumner.
That soldier looked so happy at being given permission to make noise.
It must be hard to take an enemy seriously when they look so much like an aging punk band.
Major Sheppard has a nasty habit of walking backwards on enemy territory.
Did they just leave behind the only weapon that can kill a Wraith?
The 'using yourself as a decoy' plan does not seem wise
I’m not sure I’d like a ship powered by my thoughts. It would have a habit of veering off in unexpected directions.
The Puddle-jumper has a seriously impressive braking distance
It's nice to see Weir managed to find room to pack an attractive suit for formal functions
Teyla is really irritating isn’t she? I'm definitely going to end up hating her in a few weeks
Shouldn't the highest-ranking officer stay at home and plan missions and things, rather than endangering himself? At this rate they'll end up having all their operations arranged by one very confused Lieutenant

Hide And Seek

If they took the mice, I don’t see why McKay couldn’t take his cat with him.
They should have actually tested it on the mice. It would be cool to have ancient weapons operated by mice.
That's a big needle
Well, that’s awfully handy.
Sheppard looks like he’s been having so much fun. “I shot him!” Please tell me they tried something before the shooting
These are much better titles
Can things pass *out* of the forcefield?
No, I don't like Teyla. I don't think I could like anyone whose hair is that naturally glossy
Everyone is getting the 30 second base destruction code? Well, that’s a recipe for disaster.
Their race is periodically culled by the Wraith; I doubt they’ll be scared by a ghost story.
Hockey is *way* more manly than football
The Ethosians are a very annoying race.
ONE personal item? Dear god... Books don't count as personal items, do they? And I'm sure I could find a valid military use for my laptop...
This episode was going so well, and then they had to introduce a small child.
Just because he’s your son, doesn’t mean you’re going to be any less of a hindrance.
Someone needs to put a pound in the meter
“We humbly apologise and ask you very nicely not to kill us”
That's exactly the same effect they used for Anubis
"And if I am still here I'll be invulnerable..."
“Flying Darkness that eats energy can only be very, very bad.” Well, that’s a mantra for life if ever I heard one.
Oh! Transporters.
*So* not a good scream
As a giant floating jellyfish
Is there anything that is actually afraid of candles?
They could just let it outside.
What does the ‘M’ stand for in their Gate addresses?

Thirty Eight Minutes

Why are all this galaxy’s stargates in midair?
They’ve only just thought about getting the first aid kit?
They could probably go a bit faster if you stopped bothering them
I see they’re going with Puddle Jumper then.
See? Didn't I say sending your only Major on these missions was a bad idea?
"Funky alien bug"- that's the scientific classification then? I wouldn’t describe that as ‘funky’. Oooky maybe, but not funky.
I had a similar problem when I drove my car into an invisible wall.
Well, that's conveniently removed the supporting actors. Shouldn’t the rest of them have been transported? The MALPs arrive instantaneously before they’ve finished moving through.
‘Wing things that stick out when we’re flying’. So, wings then.
Rodney really shouldn’t be allowed into potentially dangerous situations.
They went back to a place where they knew there were Wraith?
Shouldn’t Weir know about the 38 minute rule already?
Is there a Czech whose name he can remember?
Teyla just looks ineffectual doesn’t she?
Ah, thank you! It needed to be asked. I’m not sure about the answer, but at least they tried.
The second puddlejumper could give them a tow... Except when they open the Stargate from Atlantis it will fry the ship.
It’s his brain that’s panicking. He needs to stop thinking.
Poor McKay. Reacting to certain doom should never have to become a habit
That’s it Teyla, you just put him instead of doing something useful.
He was trying so hard not to make the Klingon joke...
I thought the Wraith couldn’t be killed by gunfire.
That technician does remarkably well to refrain from doing the victory dance.
The death ritual involves making tea?
I sense I’m going to be saying how annoying these natives are at least once per episode.
Oh, well done Dr Weir.
That's more of an oval peg in a round hole
Get the bug drunk!
Oh, experimental chemistry!
You'd have thought that would have shown up on his physical...
I wish I had a planet where I could send everyone who disagrees with me.
“I have less than 20 minutes to live and I’m teetering on the edge of a hypoglycaemic reaction.” Well, at least he has his priorities straight.
Perhaps Major Sheppard would appreciate the alcohol
Plan A was never that great to start with
It'd let go and grab hold of someone else?
They couldn't just have unbuttoned?
Major Sheppard isn't very fit for a Major. I'm rather disappointed
That’s it Teyla, let the dangerous creature escape.
I love that McKay has spent his time categorising ways to die.
Turn the engines back on!
Don't stand there applauding, go give medical attention!
Why aren’t the two soldiers who’ve been in suspended animation all this time looking more confused. The two guys in the front are going to have no idea what just happened, are they?
If he's well enough to check out the nurses, then he's going to be just fine
Is McKay checking his pulse?

Suspicion

That doesn’t mean he can’t come in.
That’s the one up-side of an enemy that wants to eat you alive.
Have they ever considered that perhaps they’re just in a galaxy full of them?
McKay is rather limber, I'm not sure I could get my foot up there
It's not going to be "one of them" is it?
Has anyone suspected the random man?
What basis, other than Major Sheppard wanting to get laid, do we have for believing Teyla is trustworthy?
Only prisoners in the sense that they’re not allowed to go anywhere.
Steps haven't already been taken to safeguard the important areas? Considering the whole city was nearly destroyed by an unsupervised child you'd think they'd at least have invested in a few velvet ropes on poles
So far Major Sheppard is the only one to be alone with the Wraith for any length of time.
But that happens every time anyone goes through a stargate
You can’t get seconds of hospital food either.
Atlantis has a sunroof!
No one should be allowed random access to the medical bay! There are drugs and sharp things in there
Good. Go! Lead the Wraith somewhere else
I like any man you can bribe with sandwiches
How many changes of clothes did the fleeing-for-their-lives Ethosians bring?
Send all the annoying natives to another planet.
They haven’t bothered to go outside yet?
If someone bought a surfboard as their one personal item. Just on the off-chance.
Maybe the previously quite rural Ethosians would like to move out of the crowded, power-starved city. Has anybody thought to ask them?
See!
Ice cream. Bring back ice cream. And a surfboard
Weir takes far too long to make decisions.
If she didn't come back then she wouldn't be much use as a spy, would she?
We didn't need that flashback shot, we know Sheppard wasn't lying
Answerman! He doesn’t have any superpowers, but he’s great for quizzes.
Why on earth are they taking a scientist on a covert kidnap mission?
When did Teyla get trained to use an automatic weapon?
Oh, come on, the Wraith are virtually indestructable, and she's going to beat one of them off with a point-ed stick? That's about as believable as Lana's sudden karate skills
They explode! How cool is that?
When did they find out they had a Wraith-proof cell?
Sheppard has a good line in sandwich quips.

Childhood's End

McKay's brain just reaches a roadblock whenever he thinks of Carter.
Energy field is not good if it's disturbing your readouts.
There, see!
McKay is the only person to demand Teyla explain her random phrases.
So, they need to head in the direction they were flying in in the first place? I could probably have worked that out even without the compass
Ford has no idea what prescient means. He's going to have to ask Major Sheppard when they get back to Atlantis.
"These ruins are very old..." Which would probably explain the fact that they're ruins
Oh god. Kids.
Ford has a point; the weapons would bother me too.
Just because they're all ten doesn't mean they're any less likely to shoot you
How can they not work out what "full-growns" means?
If they take the device then won't it knock out all of the Atlantis ships as well? Disarming yourself in the face of an enemy doesn't seem like the best plan they've ever had
I'd like to live in a tree-house.
Why is McKay the only one with a rucksack?
Oh good, more kids
I wonder if Stargate get environmental tax breaks for the amount of actors they recycle?
That seems like a silly philosophy. What's the point of faith and an afterlife if you can't rely on it during pain and torment?
They must have a shockingly high teen pregnancy rate. The Daily Mail would be horrified
Has McKay tasted small children?
"And trust us because we've been here for almost an hour!" Rodney has a fine grasp of SG-1's philosophy
McKay has finally met his match.
I think Kerris has a little crush on Sheppard.
Arrived just in time for a party...
I will forgive Atlantis another child themed episode, if it means we get to see Dr Rodney McKay have a physical fight with an eight year old. To be fair, the kids started it, what with their stupid little voices.
Those are some artfully draped branches
I think the odds are quite high. This is TV. Those odds are going to be very, very, short
Sheppard has very elf-like ears.
McKay feels morally superior all the time. I don't think this situation is much of a change
Those doors are really dangerous. I wonder how many marines have been knocked unconscious because someone has been walking out of a space at the other end.
"The sacrifices play a part in your survival." That's a surprisingly sympathetic statement for McKay
Subtle Major Sheppard, really subtle.
Does McKay even know how to fire that pistol?
McKay is strangely willing to give up his chocolate.
I'm always impressed by the fact that chocolate is part of official away-mission kit
Now I'm really confused. If the device is working again, how can they fly the puddlejumper?

Poisoning The Well

I’m not sure you can learn that in two days.
I'm with McKay. That's the kind of information this people really need to know
It’s called employment
Multi-coloured test tubes in racks! You never get those in real labs, they're always just a row of varying shades of pale yellow
I'm not sure I want medical facilities to be "charming". I'd much rather hear words like 'efficient' and 'sterile'
God Teyla, at least these people are trying to do something. Teyla is such a pessimistic person, and no one ever makes her back up her random statements with facts.
Archives known only to a few and some complete strangers we met two days ago.
I note they don’t tell us the last words. They were probably ‘All going well until Simon knocked the sample off the desk.’
Permission to torture a prisoner of war.
He looks like a Steve.
They could always sacrifice Teyla. Can they feed Teyla to Steve? Please?
Rubbish. If you have immune soldiers then they can protect the non-immune and generally kick Wraith ass
McKay finds some concepts really hard to grasp.
Oh, musical montage. A science montage! With a pipette and everything!
Sheppard looked like he was going to hug Ford then.
The Geneva Convention probably doesn't approve of letting prisoners slowly starve to death either, but that part seems unavoidable
Can't they try this with one of their mice? Okay, so they can't, but it was worth suggesting
Weir really should’ve paid more attention to the job description.
This sounds like a very bad idea. Why aren't they bringing the volunteer to Atlantis, rather than taking the incredibly dangerous Wraith out of it's secure prison?
"All of them" isn't a number. That wasn't of value at all
They’ll tell you it’s between ten and one, but they’ll arrive at about four thirty.
Poor Steve... "I'll tell you anything, but please, just stop the jokes..."
"He is weak." More of a snack than a meal then
Shouldn’t they get the patient out of there? Just because the wraith can’t eat him it doesn’t mean it won’t rip his head off.
I wonder who decided which colours they’d have on their jackets.
It not sure there's any way you can prepare somebody to be drained of life
That's an incredibly large innoculation mark
I like this guy, he's being rational and democratic about a very difficult decision
He’s only known her a few days.

Underground

They’re almost out of coffee and they’re all sitting around? Do something!
11 cups a day is a perfectly sensible quantity
How can farmer help with their food shortages? By growing food, you idiot!
Simple people are always the most dangerous. Is Teyla going to stop calling these people stupid anytime soon?
Alien races never seem confused by the military ranks do they?
You can buy those walkie-talkie wrist watches from WHSmiths.
This is going to involve explosives, isn't it?
Look at Ford's grin!
It’s not exactly a combine harvester.
Why aren’t they concerned about running out of C4?
Ford tries to remain professional in the face of an harvest festival.
Make clearing the land for them part of the deal, that way you don't have to hand over anything that might blow up
Perhaps they should be spending their time growing their own food on the land they discovered.
Stargate writers like the moonshine joke and they’re going to use it at every opportunity.
She even has an annoying laugh.
All radioactive readings should be left well alone.
Well, someone took the time to pile straw all over it, which would suggest that someone knew it was there
It's a hole, how advanced can its architecture be?
Oooh, Underground!Nazis.
Were Sheppard and McKay really carrying all those weapons? I'm surprised they don't fall over when they walk
That's a valid point. You'd think they could invest in a bolt
Well, unless they’re blowing you up with it.
I wonder if the 'R' is written backwards
What are flappy sleeves for if not to hide transmitters?
This is what you get for calling them simple
I wonder who looked after the prisoners while those two nipped off to change clothes
"Most of my high school chess team..." That must’ve been a fun tournament.
Didn’t last week’s natives do this as well?
McKay should learn to keep his knowledge to himself.
I wouldn’t consider myself an ally until I was outside the bunker.
Non-episode related fringedwelling- How can Sky+ promise to record an entire series if it only has 20 hours of recording time?
I'm never fond of the word 'extract' in this, or any other, situation
Why were the CIA questioning a Canadian? Because that's the CIA's job. Well, not to investigate Canadians specifically, but to investigate external security threats. The CIA has no jurisdiction over US nationals, so it has to pick on Canadians.
They're not offering nuclear weapons, they're improving existing ones
This is what happens when you send men shopping without a list. You get eight boxes of budget orange juice ("It was on offer!") and an unwanted nuclear arsenal
Does Teyla know how impossible it is to follow instructions that rely on pointing?
That one's probably not worth rescuing
It seems strange that a door that looks so organic would clunk when it opened. You'd expect it to squelch
There’s a certain sense of justice in that.
Shouldn’t they be more worried by Teyla’s willingness to abandon her fallen colleagues?
I love the soldier in the sun hat.
I'm not sure knowing their plan was doomed to failure is all that comforting
It's *so* a competition

Home

That is an exceptionally cool shot
Major Sheppard has never gone bird-watching with my Dad. I've walked miles to sit a hut and look for things that aren't there
That was surprisingly risky of Rodney
Ford is obviously a little more sceptical about not needing the hazmat suit
I like the idea of 'lot' as a scientific unit
Smoke. Smoke seems a good name for it.
I love Rodney’s resolute faith in himself.
He should’ve taken a better book.
Hey, he's been busy. Waking up ancient threats and endangering an entire galaxy doesn't leave much time for Tolstoy
Don't they need Sheppard's DNA?
Why not? Get the hell out of there. There are enemies waiting to suck the life out of you.
She thinks he’s in Afghanistan? She’ll be expecting postcards.
Football, Ferris wheels and popcorn? That’s all he could think of?
They made contact with Chevron Seven guy!
They sent both their military and civilian commanders (and the civilian commander of the alien race they dislodged) to another galaxy? Who's in charge back in Atlantis? Dear Gods there’s no helping some people.
Why isn’t anyone surprised it’s Hammond and not O’Neill?
Running away would seem like Rodney’s kind of policy.
They must have all gone separately surely?
If I'd risked my life going on a one way trip to another galaxy for the military, I should think a lift home is the least they could do
Or perhaps locking her in a cupboard?
Weir and her boyfriend have matching BMWs
Poor Narim. If I was him I’d be telling her to stay the hell away, given that she dumped me via video message.
Ha! Of course he has no new messages.
The first thing he does is turn on the TV! Can we induct him as a fringedweller now?
The shirt and athletic-top combination isn't a good look for Sheppard.
Dogs are always pleased when you come back, cats just act aloof and refuse to speak to you for a week
Why would she need to keep Korea or Israel a secret? Everyone knows they exist.
He bought her a necklace? Why?
McKay's genius t-shirt points at himself! I want one of those
They’re reconsidering that ‘sending all the important people away’ policy.
Rodney gets so excited about science.
Why would it seem far-fetched? Firstly he's accepted ideas way more far-fetched than that before now, and secondly he saw the gate draw power from the black hole planet in the same way so he knows it's possible. Of course, it's not actually General Hammond, so he can disbelieve it as much as he wants but it should tip somebody off that something's not right.
Why aren’t any of them asking to see SG1?
She should’ve considered that before she left.
Imaginary!Walter's being very pissy
At least he’s not actually going to Afghanistan.
But isn't McKay researching... oh, are they all in separate simulations?
Why the hell not?
Who’s been paying the rent?
If this was real there would be a foot high pile of junk mail on his doormat.
Sheppard golfs?
Oh dear, this is such a boy’s flat
For an alien, Teyla walks incredibly well in wedges
If this was real that pineapple would have gone furry by now
If was going away, never to return I would never leave undrunk beer behind
Is that a giant picture of Johnny Cash?
Everything except life sucking enemies.
Does Sheppard actually have any friends?
Oh god, get out whilst you can, Teyla.
At least one of those friends will be dead in real life. I’m sensing emotional backstory in which one or both of those is dead.
Shepard has a *pool*?
One of the soldiers went to a party in his uniform.
Well, not that funny.
I want to see a thousand dancing hamsters!

‘What I need to do now is get very anxious’. I do Love Rodney’s approach to crises.
"Barely enough for a military funeral." Do you need less bits for a military funeral than for a regular one?
So Sheppard lives in such a fantasy world that sophisticated mind-altering aliens can’t penetrate it? Is that a characteristic you want in your highest ranking military officer?
Oh! Look at them get that in the plot with a crow bar.
Except Teyla, she leaves people behind.

The Storm

This is an oddly detailed recap. They might as well have shown the whole episode
Shouldn’t Sheppard be wearing a uniform to fly the ship?
Don't most storms cover the entire horizon?
Rodney needs a map and some of those sticky cloud-shapes
Ooh, it's the random Czech, I like him
She’s not wearing a uniform either! Standards are slipping.
The other scientist wants to talk about it.
It was under the ocean before...
Hiding underground? Hiding underground is always an option.
Big things do tend to sink, Ford
There plan is to have a plan nearer the time?
There must be a Travelodge somewhere.
He should have had special baby-inoculating boots
Do they really want to stay somewhere they just threatened the owners?
He’s great like this.
McKay probably bought the costume with him.
I Like these foreigners. They’re impressively organised and sinister.
A lightbulb very nearly appeared over their heads then.
I want to see McKay try and build a windmill in a storm.
They want to charge up they entire city?
Am I suddenly watching an entirely different show?
They weren't very effective for interestingly muscle-bound guards
The people of this galaxy seem to put a lot of faith in hitting their enemies with sticks
If the remaining hunters haven’t noticed the storm yet, they probably don’t deserve to be saved.
Go you idiots! You shouldn't all be stranded there
He values it, but he’s going to completely ignore it.
Yet again they've put their entire command team in immediate danger
They gave the natives GDOs? That was incredibly stupid.
What!? *Pats scientific theory comfortingly*
McKay sensibly organises things so he doesn’t have to walk anywhere.
Surely they've left it far too late to get back to the 'gate now anyway
Why the hell does Teyla get to make the decision?
I'd miss bacon too. "The food that makes other foods worth eating..."
Are they decoy Ethosians?
The funny soldiers died!
Surely they'd be better off leaving their disguises on until the city is secure?
Ford has flown a jumper before hasn’t he?
Teyla’s no use to anyone alive.
"Damn, I should have know they'd be more..."
McKay has a moment of clear thinking.
Rodney makes a refreshingly pissy hostage. He’s under threat of torture and he still can’t help being sarcastic.
Crikey, how much C4 did they bring?
Poor Rodney.
I’d choose the ocean.
I hope that the next time Beckett is in trouble they leave him to cope alone.
He's got a point about the descendants
I love the little sparks coming out of the control panel
Although, considering McKay set up the system I’m sure he knows the code.
That big cluster of wire seems very out of place in an Ancient's city

The Eye

Poor Rodney, he dropped himself right in that one.
Rodney needs sugar now.
I love dramatic weather.
Major Shepard's all wet!
Or it could be an annoying native, you never really know with Atlantis.
Once you've arrived on the alien planet with no means of returning then 'careful' has already passed. If they were really being careful they'd still be sat at home with some tea.
I know they don't get many hurricanes in Scotland, but even I know what a sudden lull in one means
Perhaps they should send Teyla out to check if it’s safe.
Well the control panel is getting all wet now.
Couldn’t they just follow the Eye to Atlantis? They should certainly be able to fly up... See
Or he's right on top of you...
They are an awfully incompetent invasionary force.
Not even the prospect of an immediate death can lead Rodney to make up science terms
Well, he’s already taken out three.
McKay would panic and then find something to eat.
Why isn’t Ford flying it?
That’s a notice written by someone who has had to deal with a lot of curious button pushing.
I would have thought it would be easier to poke if it wasn't powered up
Yes, you should have.
Collier really can’t tell if Rodney is joking or not.
Wasn't there any kind of alert when the jumper arrived?
Like Pacman
The woman who was going to be left in charge of the control room doesn’t know how to operate the Stargate?
Hence personal command code
Rodney is learning to lie; there’s no way he would say he’s not that bright. Did he say 'bright' or 'brave'?
Why isn’t Weir just grabbing the commander’s gun?
Less than sixty, since five made it through the gate
If I was going to die I’d like it to be in exciting weather.
This really must’ve been a fun day’s filming.
If he's willing to destroy the city, he's willing to let those two go
I love his "again"
They should have bought zats for situations like this
Why isn’t Sheppard worried by the three extra dots that have appeared on the screen?
Military officers don't get called "cheeky little bugger"s enough
Stop arguing and follow the life sign detector.
I'd say the shields were the most primary of all the systems
Why didn’t Rodney just let all the enemy soldiers be electrocuted?
They let Rodney and Weir get changed into dry clothes?
There are also three extra hunters with weapons in the Jumper.
Why did Teyla shine a light at her instead of shooting her?
Oh just shoot her, for God’s sake. You don't have time for this! Shoot the insane woman and save the city!
Poor Rodney, he’s just going to keep pressing the button.
Can I just say how much I love Rodney right now? “I’m an incredibly arrogant man who tends to think all of his plans will work."
Can they leave? Didn't Sheppard disable the gate?
He's too good a shot to worry about that
Good shot!
Oh, he's so not dead
Well, someone go rescue them then.
Rodney is surprisingly calm.
That's a superb shot, although I don't think the wave would just disappear in the middle like that when it hit the shield
I love that Rodney has bandaged over his uniform, just so everyone can see.
That was a superb episode. It really was, wasn't it? These guys should forget the planetary politics and just make people run and shoot things every week

The Defiant One

They're so like a married couple.
Space pilot?
Run away: Do Not Investigate.
What's the betting the new, innocent, inquisitive personnel are going to die horribly? I'm more than a little worried on behalf of the incidental guys
Don't go! Wraith should be in distress more
Weir is getting the idea about these two
I like Weir's little "please" after her direct order
The girlish fear joke was sadly wasted on Rodney then
Eugh. Membranes *and* cobwebs
Stay outside? On your own? Are you insane? Go with the other expendable young enthusiast, that way you've got a decent change of only being maimed
Why don't they shoot it repeatedly just in case?
Surely the possibility of them killing each other is a good thing. It's not that much more disturbing than them eating you.
It's a giant flying lunchbox?
But why start eating each other if they've got big stacks of bodies in there?
I'd prefer to catalogue the dead people than investigate the eerie ship.
Rodney however is staying as far away from the field work as possible
That was an odd scene. Ford seemed incredibly worried, given how calm Dr. Weir was
Rodney should be made to think of all possible eventualities before they put themselves in mortal danger.
In times of unreliable radio contact, you'd think they'd just yell "get out!" "Fall back to point of ingress" is pretty hard to understand even when there isn't static
Isn't that Steve? All Wraith will be called Steve from now on.
Ah, well maybe he should have stayed outside after all
Never, ever turn down an extra weapon.
They didn't consider the life signs first? Why doesn't it show up? They're still actually alive
Why do they get desert fatigues and the others didn't? Why doesn't Teyla wear camouflage? Not that I'm against her being highly visible in a combat situation...
Thank you Teyla for stating the obvious there
"I don't know... but it looks like it might explode so I'm hanging on to it"
Steve's going to kill bits of him at a time?
I think he needs to focus on stammering out "And it's behind you!"
Us? How many people does Gaul think he is?
Rodney is the least comforting person in the world.
They made the ship invisible, but left a path of footprints leading to the door?
I like that Steve just shouts until the thing starts working.
I suddenly understand why Ford didn't fly the ship last week! He's not an ancient is he? Wow that took me a while to work out.
Perhaps he's a wraith with a juvenile delinquent past who knows how to do that kind of thing
Shoot him some more? Will they never learn?
That's not a very sterile-looking dressing
Don't hold on to the armed weapon.
Poor Rodney, bravery has just been thrust upon him.
The situation can't be that bad if there's time to stop for snacks
Do we know which side the buzzing things are on?
Wow, they're like intergalactic pigeons. I said exactly the same thing. Only with seagulls
He didn't say stop breathing
The wraith's going to regret swatting those little glowy things
I say again, shoot him now whilst he's immobile. Perhaps behead him as well.
Wow. That was unexpected. Brendon! That was rather dark and unexpected.
How many shots are there in that 9mm?
Dead hands can't be terribly dexterous. Besides, if the Ancients were advanced enough to make their ships recognise DNA, they should at least be able to recognise if that DNA was alive
Well, that was monumentally stupid.
Keep shooting!
He just killed someone with a snack food!
They blew up all the little snack-eating life forms too. That's quite sad
The little buzzing things must have been significant in some way, surely? I feel they lacked characterisation

Hot Zone

They have maths games! How cool is that?
It's a multiple of three of course it can't be a prime
Pretty much, yes. The Geeks will inherit the earth, mainly because they're the only people paying enough attention to how things work.
McKay is in charge?
Well, get the hell out of there then.
To contain people, Ford.
I love the smiling soldiers with guns.
I'm never quite sure how you can have levels of quarantine. Surely something's either quarantined or it isn't
Hang on, they knew the Ancients died of a plague and they still moved in?
Well if you're not trying to win, what's the... exactly
My McKay crush is rapidly developing into a full blown thing now he gets to be all commanding.
Sheppard's pulling rank, even though he was busy flirting whilst everyone else was working?
The Hazmat suit won't be any use if he's already infected.
Petersen needs shooting in the legs.
I love Rodney's "almost"
Poor Bates.
They really need to sort out who's in charge. I'm amazed they didn't do it before now
That *was* the good part
And then everyone else who crowded into the same area shortly afterwards.
You've got to admire Rodney's lack of concern for the remaining
Can I just congratulate the City on being the only thing thinking straight?
He has a cat! Make sure the cat is looked after!
If I was going to die, I'd make sure everyone listened to my last thoughts too, however random they were.
Yes, Teyla, I imagine they will.
May have? It's a nuclear explosion of course it will have disrupted communications. Is he supposed to be a scientist?
Everyone runs to check their computers are okay, before they check on any of the personnel. I love the fact everybody not only shut their laptops down, but *remembered to close the lids*
"You're not going anywhere, you're going to sit here while I yell at you for being an idiot..."
They're matching scientist bookends!
Surely if people with the Ancient genes were immune, it'd make sense that the Ancients made the plague

Sanctuary

It must be hard to feel as if you're living your final moments all the time.
Almost-certain death is still pretty bad.
They should be interested in the weapon, not just the power source
Didn't we learn anything from the last group of rural-seeming folk with the incredibly advanced technology?
Stop advancing towards them with weapons.
Is Teyla a qualified anthropologist?
That's it, Ford, you question the existence of their God.
Rodney is very keen to steal weapons from people who are otherwise defenceless.
It would be overpopulated very quickly.
I love Ford having to push Rodney along. That was me on school field trips, 'but we could have done this bit on the bus!'
That really is Rodney's best behaviour.
Sheppard has a surprisingly convincing argument
"Besides, I wanna go!"
It's nice they're using the scariest possible piece of equipment on their alien visitor
Fungi?
Is it wise to have an unknown machine in the Control Room? How do they know it's not designed to explode?
Quick! Make up a God!
Who decided to bring a picnic basket as their luxury item?
More diplomatic missions should involve picnics.
I think it's sensible not to allow Rodney to have intuition.
I think I'd make him remove the communication device before we started making out.
That really is a good view
He's lying in wait, what does it look like?
Insomniac!Rodney is fun
Shouldn't the jumper come down facing the gate?
Major Sheppard's more than up for some nice sharing

Before I Sleep

She has no idea what that is, does she? I have no idea what it is either.
I wonder if the Pegasus galaxy has cake?
Rodney should hold out for a balcony.
They still haven't finished exploring?
Rodney's become very jaded with the prospect of alien laboratories
Maybe Rodney will forgo a balcony for a woman in suspended animation.
Also she's propped up
Rodney's not letting him off that any time soon.
"Maybe they forgot..." I would so get left behind because I'd nipped back to m room to fetch something and someone forgot I wasn't there
The McKay-Sheppard double act is very endearing.
She sounds like Dr Weir.
Even Rodney?
Ah, that'll be why she sounds like Dr Weir.
I want McKay to get started on that movie. In fact I want Film 2005 to be hosted by Rodney McKay.
I' not sure I'd be thinking anything more than "This is so weird..."
I would feel strange calling me by my first name
Elizabeth just wants her to have some coffee.
That's a bit of a sticky consent issue. Are you allowed to authorise medical procedures of a different version of yourself? Are you your own next of kin?
Poor Sumner, it's bit tough to a die a horrible death in both timelines
They should have found actual ships
At least they didn't awaken the Wraith this time.
Alternate reality!Rodney is surprisingly calm.
Poor Rodney, now he has to deal with his actual death.
Sheppard just lives to bait Rodney.
When John what!?
What Wraith did she encounter?
Rodney looks incredibly cute sleeping on an operating table
"Janas, please stop fiddling with the city's controls.”
She only met him an hour ago!
Shouldn't she be in the stasis pod?
It's very thoughtful to cover everything with dust sheets.
Wouldn't it have been sensible to leave a note for herself in the control-room "Don't worry, the city's going to float, it's all fine. And I'm in room 14b in the stasis pod with lots of helpful information..."
Shouldn't there be medical teams with paddles rushing in about now?
Atlantis has a crematorium?
They're just going to blow back inside.

The Brotherhood

Monks never seem to do very well at keeping secret brotherhoods together. Maybe the job should be passed to someone else.
But historical research *is* fun
I really love the fact that, despite all evidence to the contrary, they've decided it's a good idea to let Rodney be in charge.
What would a band of monks with no technology use it for?
Ooh, random muscular naked people
Is that the creepy Colonel guy Sheppard shot? Oh God, not them again. If this isn't an example of why you should kill all your enemies when you have the chance, I don't know what is.
Poor thirsty scientist. I would so be the person who blew up the entire ancient city by spilling coffee on it
I so want to be the loop
That's not very precise.
I thought Sarah looked suspicious.
This may be their first archaeological montage. Only Stargate would try an archaeological montage.
It's nice they all found one each
Poor Rodney, he has no idea, does he?
I'm fond of any activity you can do from the comfort of your own sofa
At least he has some idea of the endpoint "I know what to do *eventually*"
Rodney is trying to flirt with science.
Nothing called the 'Forbidden Chamber' can be a good thing.
Send Teyla! She'll enjoy being mired in deadly and uncertain doom
Nice choice, Ford. I'd want to stay out of the scary forbidden hole in the ground too
They so need to reassess their military strategy.
That was surprisingly stealthy of Ford.
"I wasn't aiming for your shoulder..."
Oh, well done Teyla, you tell them half the clues already.
For a coward, McKay is very brave.
Beckett should've taken lessons after the last time. I think I'd demand to be taught how to fly their only airborne method of escape, and Weir should have insisted he did
It's sweet they think Rodney would even contemplate taking on several armed goons with only a knife
You've got to love a man who can snap his fingers demandingly at his armed captors
Ford's having a little private moment with his flash-bangs
That *is* a common misconception.
Wow. Ford's surprisingly flexible, isn't he?
Well, that was predictable.
100% is not a severe culling.
There's a whole lot of information not being passed on here. Perhaps they should invest in a noticeboard
Where would they be headed, John?
Just in time for the finale then.

Letter From Pegasus

Teyla is really embracing the trite sayings isn't she?
I think Ford makes a fairly sensible suggestion. If they power up the city with their ZPM perhaps they can eliminate the Wraith, so the kids will be fine
I like the way Rodney has a backup plan to the panic, rather than the other way around.
"Don't be so analogue" is a superb insult
They look pretty.
Even the Wraith know you should always rest on long journeys. Don't drive tired people!
Didn't that child call him 'father'?
They try so hard with the native customs, but they never quite work. No one has headbutting as a greeting.
What kind of precautions can the innocent rural peoples take?
She should have asked before making the offer
I want a Gran with top-level security clearance. I love Ford's grandmother, and we've never even met her.
Rodney should send a message to his cat.
This will be one of those you can't win.
Ford put his old uniform back on!
He thinks they won't recognise him?
There's a fine line between 'good' and 'constantly in fear for our survival.’
Yes, but many of those things are both terrifying and deadly
"I have head stories..." That's definitely the kind of information she should have shared *before* they started out on this mission
Carson makes a very good point. "I wish I wasn't bloody here"
Fungus treatment is very important, it doesn't do to let these things slip
Leave Teyla behind to wait for them.
You can imagine the panic in the SGC as they hunt for a Czech speaker to vet that message
"For humanity in general". It is impossible not to adore Rodney.
He counted himself in! And kept the 2 and 1 silent...
*His* team?
He has cue cards!
The messages to the dead soldier's families are incredibly moving
"Not a night goes by..." If he finishes that thought on camera then the Wraith are going to be the least of his problems. Sam will make a ZPM of her own just so she can come to Atlantis and kill him herself
Kill her, Steve. Kill her!
The whiny scientist has no friends at all does he?
He is actually sending a message to his cat. I'm sure mine just comes for the food
Except Sheppard, who seems to cause most of the problems.
Well, she so obviously wants to stay.
I'd have to apologise to my Mum for swearing on tape too
Whiny Scientist has no concept of how an SGC works does he? "Authorised lowering the stargate shield when the incoming travellers are in question" is practically official policy
Shep desperately tries to figure out who Weir's talking about...
Actually, he died screaming.
Dr Weir needs to leave poor Narim alone.
*Slightly confused by the absence of alternate time line!Sam* This would be a lot less confusing if Sky could manage to show the episodes concurrently

The Gift

Cups never go on quite long enough, do they?
Eat her! Eat her! Go Steve! I knew I liked Steve for a reason.
Otherwise, he would be crying himself to sleep.
Finding a safe refuge from marauding aliens is nowhere near as important as lunch
See, this is why meetings never work. Someone just needs to tell them what to do.
So he should focus on moaning in an irritating fashion? It seems to be his biggest skill
She's new, and appears to have wandered straight out of a toothpaste commercial
What with Teyla being a qualified physiotherapist and all. Mostly she moralises and attacks people with sticks, I'm not sure how that compares to being a psychologist
That's the most tactless psychologist in the world.
"I'm starting to think you're more crazy now..."
God save us from Teyla having a mental breakdown. Her brain wasn't fully functioning beforehand.
How many soft furnishings did she bring from Ethosia?
I'm finding Teyla less irritating when she has stuff to do
There are no hidden meanings to the naked Lex dreams? That's a shame. They just mean you think about naked Lex a lot, but I think we knew that already
"From the get-go" isn't an expression you hear on TV enough
How have they managed to find the same root on a totally different planet?
Aha! Teyla is the spawn of the Wraith. She makes a lot more sense now.
Now?
"Perhaps my ancestors were not enlightened enough..." And she is? I was wrong, she's still irritating even when she has plot
That's it, walk towards the energy reading.
Oh Ford...
I want Sheppard to run at the big rock!
Well, it works for Harry Potter.
They could do everything except study them in a natural environment
It seems fairly efficient already.
We need to see Carson more
So Teyla's exceptionally tasty?
Oooh, I like Unshaven!Rodney
It'll have to be Ford's hat. He's the only one who's got one
I'm being post-empted by Rodney now
Who'd have thought Teyla would actually turn out to be useful?
It's lucky it’s a Wraith with security clearance she's observing, otherwise they'd just get a really good look at the canteen.
They wanted you! What else could they want? "It was almost like they knew we were there."
The gate. They want the gate. They want Earth, it's not that hard to work out. Don't they already know that the Wraith's ultimate aim is Earth? I knew that. How do I know that and they don't?
Well done, clear thinking Sergeant.

The Siege pt I

The plan to steal the ZPM from the annoying children is looking more and more attractive right now.
They're vastly... exactly
Finally Weir makes a sensible command decision, and doesn't send her entire command staff on the same deadly mission
That pressure was entirely due
"See no further reason..." It would keep her out of the episode.
The Rodney/Zelenka double act gets better every time.
He actually used the word 'lush' in his report?
Bates is making a lot of very sensible points. Someone should listen to him. He makes an incredibly salient point every time he appears.
Why is she integral to surveying an uninhabited planet?
Well, he's spent all that time making the simulation, it would be a waste not to show it.
That doesn't look very destroyed to me, just cracked a bit
Atlantis can fly? Wow... I'm sure I never knew that before
Are they sure the self-destruct will actually destroy the gate? It didn't seem to do a very thorough job of destroying the city, and those stargates are pretty tough
Shouldn't they have planned all of this along time ago, just in case?
Poor Ford, "A T-Rex sir"
It's astronaut!Rodney!
Oh dear, the two random people are wearing red shirts…
My opinion of Teyla just went up a notch.
He's the head of security? Surely that can only be a nominal appointment, given that they've ignored him at every possible opportunity?
Panicking is pretty much Rodney's coping mechanism.
Where are they evacuating them to? Are they sending them to the T-Rex planet?
Of course it is, you idiot.
Actually, Weir preserved it for 6000 of them
Yes
Weir seems very surprised that she can't back up an entire Ancient city on her laptop. They should've taken more disks with them
Yep, that's gravity alright
It would be simpler if they had been named.
They waited until Sheppard arrived before they called a medical team?
Of course they think you had something to do with it
Are there records of the scans the city seems to be constantly making? They'd show where everybody was at the time
Well, you won't know what you've lost for a start, that always makes it easier.
"Thank you" I like the Peter. As foils go he's pretty cool
Who puts important conduits on the outside of their satellite?
"That's precisely the time I started to sense the Wrath..."I've said it before, I know, but Teyla *really* needs to start giving people this information earlier
Steve's been hiding there all this time?
Shouldn't Rodney have a tether of some kind? I feel certain Rodney would've demanded a rope to keep him attached to the spaceship. There would have been a long speech about the possibility of drifting into space and the horrific nature of death by decompression.
Shouldn't they warn the person it's standing right next to?
Well, Rodney just let the cover of the control panel drift off into space.
Steve's a sneaky little bastard.
There's no way he's getting out of that satellite, is there? They can't kill the only English guy! That'll put the range of nationalities in their international team down to four.
I'd go with Steve II. I guess Bob will do, otherwise they might get confused.
Did Rodney just call home to tell people to cross their fingers?
No! Peter! That's it, I'm just going to stop saying I like people, it's far too dangerous
Are the Jumpers that much faster than the Hive Ships?
It only two-thirds failed
Well, this is a stirring message. "May I have your attention please... Now is the time to panic."

The Siege pt II

Totally random thought, but I have fifteen minutes to kill before the finale starts, and I need to occupy myself. Did the Atlantis team take catering and cleaning staff with them? I can understand that taking a one way trip to a distant galaxy is the archaeological, scientific, diplomatic and military opportunity of a lifetime, but I'm not sure you'd do it for the chance to wash up.
Ooooh! *excited*
See they just ruined all the tension by distracting me with Rodney in a boiler suit.
What the hell? The SGC seem to have drastically underestimated the situation. Maybe all they received were Rodney's wise words on leadership, instead of the actual mission reports.
The Colonel seems very strangely dubbed, and a little bit camp
Those can't be Jack's orders, surely?
Make the nasty marines go away; they're spoiling Atlantis.
Did we know about the Daedalus?
Actually, it hasn't been there the whole time at all, but that's another story...
I think I'd be staying at the alpha site. If they're allowing people to return, will they also let people who originally stayed run away?
They have Rail Guns! I've never seen a Rail Gun that wasn't animated before
Sheppard's out of practise with the 'Sir' bit
Look at Ford hoping desperately he's not going to be asked his opinion.
I love the little cabal of griping scientists.
Of course they're going to need the scientists.
Who's "we" in that statement? I'm guessing the red beret man didn't have much to do with it
How and where is the Daedalus going to land when the planet is crawling with Wraith?
"This is the last time..." Oh, I bet it's not
Understood *Sir*
That's it Teyla, you perfect your stick fighting techniques; they're going to help.
They don’t actually know the chair works do they?
Yes, he's just finding it out now, that's why he sounds so shocked
"What is it?" It seems to be some kind of alert
That's very slack of the mainframe. I'd expect my sensors to pick up all large objects hurtling towards me, asteroids or not.
Everyone else stands back and relies on the fact McKay will belittle and berate absolutely anyone, regardless of rank.
And I'm betting the power he's using up is going to be important later on.
I'm not sure that was a story that required high-powered graphics
The amount of emotional baggage these high ranking military officers carry around, it's amazing anyone is still alive.
Oh, I expect you're going to be dead soon.
Yeah, turn off the lights, because not being able to see what you're doing is really going to help.
That's some fireworks display... Ah, this explains why the SG1 finale involved four people standing on some sand.
Ford shouldn't be allowed out in the open like that.
Rodney just told a marine colonel to shut up.
Oh yes, the Genaii, that's a good idea.
These people don’t need weapons, they come with their own sticks.
Is Rodney's gun for protection, or to coerce Carson into the chair?
If Rodney could've found a way to wheel Carson along, he would have.
I love these swooping shots of the city
The advantage of being in charge is that you never have to be the bait.
This is going well.
What else did they expect?
Why design a Life Signs Detector, intended to give you an advantage in covert operations, and then make it give out a loud beeping noise?
Oh, McKay's going to be pissed.
She's remarkably pissy for a woman blindfolded and tied to a chair.
Didn't they fly the jumpers up with the nukes?
Rodney's going to collapse any minute now…
They're giving Rodney stimulants? I hope they're enforcing a buffer zone around him for the next twelve hours, otherwise someone is going to get hurt.
If one of those weapons explodes, will the rubber gauntlets help that much?
Ah, I thought it was about time for Weir's Emotional Speech of The Week.
When the power bars drain away, it's never a good sign.
Rodney crosses another one of his friends off the 'alive' list.
Eeeeeeeee! No! They can't do that! Make them tell me what happens!

Atlantis Index