stargate season four

Season Four

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Small Victories

Ah, they're Russian, you can tell by the stripy shirt fronts
The lottery numbers the week this was broadcast were 6, 7, 11, 23, 32 and 44. I know this because Sky felt the need to blazon them across the bottom of the screen during the pre-titles. When did they stop doing that?
We do get to see Daniel's appendix scar
Would they be carrying their GDOs as standard equipment when they went to Thor's ship? They weren't planning to use the gate, and Jack obviously wouldn't have his
It's a good job Jack cleaned his teeth before he leant under that microscope
That'd be just my luck, my life would be endangered in a wildly bizarre way, and the guy on the other end of the distress call would be laughing. "Oh yeah, that's a good one."
Jack's insane aversion to bugs would probably help
Ok, so no pressure then
The spidery things are different colours because they've been replicated from different minerals you dozy buggers. Lizard mocks the finest military minds in all of America. And does a very good job of it
In 'Bane' the 'Aliens' thing was vague, in here it's like a direct lift, they've got the headset cameras and everything
The Asgard are being annihilated by Technic Lego. That's not fair, she's stolen my best comment, although I was going to say 'an entire civilisation brought to it's knees by Technic Lego' which sound cooler
What it comes down to is that you could defeat the replicators by herding them all into a room and hitting them with a big hammer
But still it's simulation, drawn from observation, so what they don't know, the simulation won't know
Thor couldn't have sent out for pizza?
It's Bart Mancuso's boat
They built the O'Neill to destroy the replicators, they're using the O'Neill to destroy the replicators, what's Thor's problem?
Hooray for stupid ideas and Wolf logic
It's a shame we only get to see that as a diagram
Asgard, Daniel, the word is Asgard
Sam just builds 'em up and knocks 'em down...

The Other Side

Jack's clearly starting to wonder just what kind of work-obsessed lunatics he's been dealing with for the past four years, and just how much stuff he's missed whilst he's been on leave
Jack and Daniel have ranked Teal'c's looks haven't they. They've probably got a numbering system
Well, they tried sending three people to Earth and look how that turned out
Poor Daniel, when bad things happen to good metaphors
The reason Jack's so snappy about this is that deep down, he thinks it's a bad idea too, and he doesn't want to try and justify it
You see, you get into these sorts of problems when you don’t have a Prime Directive-style rule. Granted, the whole point of the missions is to do things that a Prime Directive would prohibit, but as Jack probably wouldn’t stick to it anyway, why not have a protocol, at least?
On the Trek theme, Teal’c makes a stunning debut as Troi here, saying ‘He is concealing something’ and ‘I’m sensing something, but I can’t tell what it is’
Stunning bit of Wolf logic from Teal'c, "he is concealing it"
Not sure I liked this one very much. I prefer my moral dilemmas to be presented in a less obvious manner, and I could tell where this was going straight away.

Upgrades

I really don’t like Freya/Anise. She’s winding me up already.
The boxing was pretty laughable too, just a lot of shuffling and glove tapping. Come on, try and make it look real!
Does Hammond know he's pointing the wrong way out of his office?
Jack sent flowers to Siler? Don't the military usually frown on that kind of thing?
Finally, after four years, Daniel gets to kick ass, and we don't get to see it, although we are very grateful for the (all too brief) glimpse of his stomach muscles at the beginning I’m with you on the stomach muscles. Wow. You can tell he’s not a real archaeologist, can’t you? I suspect that real ones aren’t nearly so attractive. Unless it’s an American thing, because I know an attractive American archaeologist. Hmm.
So Jack's in favour then?
Hammond's really not an idiot is he?
Trek again, I’m glad to see the Vulcan Nerve Pinch is put to good use.
The black gear for saving the world again
Limited or not, they'd still be useful for single missions, you could send a different team each time, provided you knew how long the power would last you'd be fine
Oh I do love smug!Teal'c. "I have no need to apologise"

Crossroads

“There are always two, a master and an apprentice…”
Can the symbiote not just take Sho'nac as a host?
Is provocative the right word there?
Ooh, someone got some last night
Yay for Peter Wingfield, although this episode is very surreal, because he never actually appears in shot with any of the SGC so it feels like he's just been edited in from another show entirely. Oh, and he has really dodgy hair too
Love the way he dramatically rips his shirt open, not pandering to the female viewers at all there...
Please think about the sentence “Our love does not end in death”. Altogether now, “Eeeugh!”
Anise winding me up again!

Divide And Conquer

Not to be unpleasant or anything, but if the guy blows himself up at the beginning, shouldn't there be bits? And I love the fact that Jack cries "Look out!" then just ducks, gets himself the hell out the line of fire, leaving the heroic, interfering thing to someone else
The device was really bound to fail wasn't it, even if you aren't trying to bury latent attractions to superior officers, could you remember something that happened weeks ago in complete and total detail? Try it sometime.
So Freya wants Jack and Anise wants Daniel? Who do you think has better taste? Possibly very telling that it's an intellectual attraction to Daniel and a physical attraction to Jack.
This isn't a bad episode, but it seems a very complicated way of getting to the final revelation, which we all knew anyway
Do you get the feeling that the costume designer (the excellent Christina McQuarrie, another ex-'Highlander' alumni) is enormously relieved to finally get a regular cast member (Freya) who isn't in fatigues all the time? She really is going to town on these costumesI think the credits on this episode should have read “Guest starring Vanessa Angel and her breasts”. Amazing how one of the Executive Producers got to snog her twice during this episode, isn’t it?.

It's lovely that they use slightly different takes for the flashbacks, instead of just lifting it straight and unaltered from Upgrades, nice to have an editor who cares

Instead of going to all the trouble of the mind scans, couldn't they just search everybody for those little weapon things?

"His death will prove to be a noble sacrifice" well, I'm sure Martouf feels much better knowing that, very comforting

It’s the Hand of Orlac!

The answer to the question “What happened next?” is easy. A Moment of Searing Eye Contact TM

Window Of Opportunity

Before I make any other comments, no there's one that I can't hold back-they played GOLF!? Ability to do anything they want, at any time and they decided to play GOLF?- but before I make any OTHER comments, I just need to say that this episode is absolutely fantastic, it's up there with "Dramatic License" from Highlander and The X-Files "Bad Blood" as the episode you show people to convince them that they really should be watching this programme
This really does have to be the best episode ever, doesn’t it?
What sort of computers does Sam have that she can run simulations of time loops? What is the program going to say, “Unknown error, reboot universe from master disks?” (So bitches the person who has experienced total hard drive failure too many times to think about)
Jack’s annoyed “We’ve done this!” is what every viewer of an episode like this (and all sci-fi shows have to do them at some point, it must be a law) yells at the TV after a while.
Occasionally Daniel just doesn't help does he? "I do"
So what do you think Daniel was asking Jack? In response to the “What is Daniel saying?” question, my theory is this. He is reacting to the subtle but insidious 1970s touches to the clothing that SG-1 have been wearing. Look at Teal’c doing the John Travolta shirt when they are on the planet, and Jack’s horrible sunglasses. He is arguing his case to bring the team into the nineties, at least.
I'm going to make that golf comment again now (I have issues with golfers), I have some issues with the potters wheel thing as well, but as it gives us a chance to ogle Jack's lovely biceps in that T-shirt, I'm not going to complain too much, but the fact they actually found astroturf and a tee on an air force base worries me deeply
Having never had it happen to me (sob) when someone sweeps you off your feet like Jack does to Sam, how do you hold yourself up? Or do you just have to collapse in their arms and hope that they don't drop you on your ass? If they're doing it right, you knees should give way and you wouldn't be able to stand
You know, a practical joker working in an environment like the Stargate project, or on the Enterprise or Voyager could have some real fun with this time loop thing. Nobody ever disbelieves the person experiencing the loop; they are always taken seriously. How much fun could you have winding up your workmates as they all do whatever they’ve been wanting to do for years because they think time will reset itself? Snigger.
I wonder how much of those three months was taken up by Jack and Teal'c arsing around?
Daniel's very sexy when he does that little thing where he bares his wolf teeth at the end, and that's such a jealous look he gives Sam when Jack stares at her

Watergate

Well, I suppose the title had to be used at some point, but really…
Neat little mention of the Ankarans, who crop up again in 'Scorched Earth'
"Chevron seven won't engage!" As Chevron Seven Guy's whole life looses meaning. If chevron seven won't engage, what will he do?
Why haven't the SGC got the DHD from Antarctica?
You'd think that they'd give poor Teal'c a few parachuting lessons before he actually had to jump in to the middle of Siberia
How come Daniel and Teal’c, who from their expressions have never done a parachute jump before, manage to land safely and get to the base and start exploring before the other three, presumably experienced jumpers, do? Surely with Daniel’s track record he would have sprained his ankle, at least. I distrust parachutes, like Daniel and Teal'c, I see no reason at all why you would want to jump out of a perfectly good plane
I like the idea of using Teal’c as a really big canary, don’t you?
An evaporating gas?
Forty seven! Hah!
Some very convincing guileless submarine denial from Jack there
"We won't need more than an hour." Oh dear.
You know, I’d hate to be a fantastic astro-physicist in Russia. Not only do you have to be a fantastic astro-physicist, but you have to be able to jump out of planes (and land without killing yourself), pilot and repair mini-submarines and heroically resist smacking Jack (and Daniel, when he’s being Mini-Jack) in the mouth, all the while refusing to let yourself say “I’m sensing something, Captain!”
The sub may keep perfect time, but it was built by people who don’t have a coastline. Would you be happy in a sub built by a land-locked nation?
Did Maybourne get slung out of the NID after 'Shades Of Grey'? I always assumed his off-world project was sanctioned. Or was it only sanctioned as long as nobody found out about it?
Someone in accounting is going to be furious about that sub

The First Ones

Reasonably professional looking dig there, although if that was a real dig, it would be raining a hell of a lot more
Oh dear, I’m beginning to understand the principle behind Daniel’s Weeble gene now! Quite like the bandana, though.
Probably shouldn't have mentioned the Unas killing part of that otherwise excellent plan
'The etiquette problems abound in this episode. What do you do when you are offered spit-roasted Goa’uld from your Unas captor?
The other problem with this episode is the fact that you have a tendency to lapse into Unas-speak for the next few days, "Don't say ka till you've tried it"
Jack needn't sneer at Rothman like that, he's not exactly the world's greatest people person either
So what do the Unas usually bring home in these rite of passage things? They can't all be expected to catch a Daniel
Teal'c's wolf logic wins the day again
Jack finally gets to kill Rothman!

Scorched Earth

Ooh, pastoral arcadia, this won't last long
Let's just hope the poor thing's not a girl
Daniel blithely ignoring Jack's suggestion, and then doing it again
"What if these are the life forms..." then you'd better not drop that slide Daniel
How to piss someone off by being preternaturally calm and polite. You’ve got to love it. Are you talking about Lotan or Daniel, cause they're both doing a pretty good job?
I always thought there was something off-kilter about this scene. It wasn't 'till recently I found out that all that nervous glancing backwards is actually the actors surreptitiously checking for bears
Beaming it onto the ship wasn't the kind of thing Daniel had in mind

Beneath The Surface

How come unkempt men in TV prisons/mining colonies/whatever always manage to keep a steady three-day growth of beard, no more, no less?
What is it with Jack and stupid hats? Is Richard Dean Anderson going bald or something?
Every woman’s favourite episode. For obvious reasons. Ah, one way to make a Fringedweller and her friends happy, lots of lovely, lingering shots of Daniel's shoulders and those surprisingly ripply arm muscles, as well as the less surprising, but equally muscular Teal'c. Perhaps the producers are finally realising that they have female fans out there, although if they really cared they'd show us those dreams of Jack mining naked...
"I remember feeling feelings" what else exactly are you meant to do with them?
Need to mention that amazing edit from the white bowl to Jack in the dome, graphic match-fade-infinite zoom-fade-selective fade all in swift sequence, a beautiful way to combine the dream overtones with the actual (true) flashback
He'd recommend trade with a culture that enslaved someone else's people?
You'd have thought all that falling glass would have hurt someone

Point Of No Return

Poor Murrey and his collection of horrible hats. Actually, everybody on this show has to wear horrible headwear.
Those vibrating beds are fun.
There's something sweet about the aliens trying to outwit the combined intelligence of Sam and Daniel, and failing miserably "Did you draw that yourself?"
Why are 'Stargate' doing 'The X-Files'? What a clunky episode.

Tangent

God, taking Jack anywhere in a military-style setting must be a nightmare. It’s only in episodes like this that you remember that Jack and Sam are members of the USAF, and get to do the more usual things, like fly ‘planes. Even if the ’plane in question is a retro-fitted deathglider.
Jack is looking longingly at the glider, desperate to get in there himself
Major Davis is starting to appreciate Jack's sense of humour
What the hell kind of advice are the SGC going to give them?
The SGC communications system obviously censored Jack's insults
Ducking as the missile comes towards you is not going to help
This is 'Stargate’s 'Apollo-13' episode, isn’t it?
The black stealth suits are back as the astro-physicist and the archaeologist attempt a mission best undertaken by the people that are stranded just past Jupiter.
And again Major Davis has to do the breaking of the bad news
Oh dear, don’t ask an archaeologist to use their imagination. Archaeologists with imaginations have caused a lot of problems in the past.
If I were Jack I would have given in to the temptation to flick something at Teal’c’s head long before now, just to relieve the boredom.
Jack's real cute with the oxygen deprivation "Do you know you're ship's bigger than ours?"
I love the double topple-over after they are ringed onto the ship.

Serpent's Venom

I always think Chulak should be spelt with a 'T'
Do you really need a reason to take Jack along?
I can't believe he tastes Teal'c's spit, that's disgusting
There’s an archaeology.com? I bet Amazon.com would have had the CD ROM that Daniel wanted.
Sam and Daniel have been hanging around Jack for too long, they’re both getting quicker with the comebacks.
Good grief! Don’t kick the books Daniel!
Keep expecting one of them to tut and tell the mine's owner that the handbrake cable's gone
The ship wasn't cloaked already? That seems careless
Zero. It’s nothing, literally, but it can cause so many problems! Faulty maths logic, even if they don't have a zero, one is still one, surely they would just add a symbol, not move all the other digits up (or down)
Do the script writers just make the Goa'uld language up or are they actually basing it on something?
Now I know that ‘Kree’ means ‘Yoo-hoo’, it doesn’t sound nearly so threatening.

The Curse

Is Daniel so out of touch with his former life that he has to get his news from the equivalent of the National Enquirer?
Daniel looks very handsome in his funeral suit
She's evil and I hate her (this is totally first impressions and has nothing to do with the later Goa'uld possession, she's willowy, blonde and crawling all over my Daniel, that's reason enough)
Death by mould. Not very nice.
Fishing without wanting to catch any fish is as stupid as being forced to do drama lessons where you use Shakespeare but not getting hung up on the text because “the text is not important”. Sorry, two rants merging to become one über-rant there.
You get the feeling Sam's not taking that curse business very seriously
Daniel and falling masonry, it's like Billy Zane and boats
Finally someone technobabbles at Daniel whilst he just stands there looking confused
Dr. Fraiser gets let out of the mountain! All that jabbing with needles finally paid off!
And you'll notice how she gets to sit in the front with Daniel and Sam has to sit in the truck bed
Nice outfit for a male Goa'uld to choose. Very classy.
"Impudence" and "insolence' in one conversation, Osiris is certainly pulling out all the big words today
Poor Daniel doesn’t have a lot of luck with women, does he? They all seem to be taken over by Goa'uld, or be Goa'uld.

Chain Reaction

Just how would Jack’s bullet point summaries read in his mission reports?
- Went through Stargate.
- Daniel found some carved rocks. Carter said something scientific. Teal’c was bald. I made an Oz reference.
- We got shot at.
- We came home and got jabbed in the ass by Dr. Fraiser.
That'd be a nice apartment if he decorated
Even shadowy, secret government aliases get junk mail
Pissy Queen Daniel returns!
Why do people on TV always have such dumb passwords? Or does everybody but me use their birthday as a pin number?
Oh, please don’t make Kinsey president.
I know I shouldn’t like Maybourne, but I do.

2010

Don’t like the new glasses, Daniel.
It's nice that they haven't edited Jack's report
It actually took me ten minutes to notice that Teal’c’s tattoo is missing.
Got to love Daniel’s attempt at anonymity in a black fedora and shades
I think the Aschen have got a plan there
Yet again mental torment=inability to shave
Why do we never get to see any of the other SG teams? Which one is the impossibly perky tour guide’s favourite team, and why? I think she's probably a fan of all those marines in SG-3
How many times does somebody get to say, “The sun’s beeping?”
I’m not a fan of the Sam and Jack romantic pairing which seems to be an increasing theme in the show, but I really don’t like her husband very much.

Absolute Power

Shifu has a career as a fortune cookie saying-writer if this whole harcesis thing doesn’t work out.
Continuing the whole candle-penis metaphor, having a long wick is all well and good, but if it won't light then it’s just ornamental.
This kid talks a lot of bullshit, doesn't he?
Jack neatly avoids saying "screwed your wife"
Now it’s Daniel who’s out of synch, uniform colour-wise.
There are some super effects in that little flash through the satellite thingy
Just what is in that personal requirements folder? If you can't think of any personal requirements that Major Davis could fulfill you're just not trying hard enough
They have a very nice font for their on-screen captions
Is it wrong to fancy Evil Daniel? Simple answer, no.
Ooh, uncontested shot of the season, Daniel from behind in those trousers. SG-3's mission to protect that ass has never seemed so vital
I bet that's not even real champagne, it's probably just fizzy chardonnay
Surely the Zatark detector's first purpose was to detect Zatarks?
Notice the one or two soldiers who, whilst they aren't actually firing, are under no circumstances going to put their weapons down

The Light

Mock all you want, but curling was a big draw in the 1998 Winter Olympics. By the end of the championships, curling was the only sport where the British still stood a chance, plus they put it on before 'Neighbours'.
So, when Daniel starts acting like Jack, it means that there is something wrong with him?
It took General Hammond two hours to write a letter that he admits has no content?
It might just be the episodes I've seen recently, but Daniel really does have a temper under all that quiet scholarly exterior
Oh, this is why we never see any of the other SG teams, they’re the 'Stargate' equivalent of redshirts
I don't know about celebrating birthdays on Chulak, but I know for a fact that Jack wouldn't have missed the opportunity to throw a century bash when Teal'c turned 100
Oh yeah, they're in such a rush that they forget Daniel's glasses, but they take the time to fully dress him, and even put his boots on. Could they not have rushed him through the stargate in the backless hospital gown?
It's the deadliest lava lamp in the galaxy
I'm always slightly disappointed by this episode, especially since I read an early copy of the script on Spoilergate which was actually much better then the broadcast one
Stuck in a castle for three weeks with just Jack and Daniel for company. I'm not really sure if that's good or bad

Prodigy

Daniel gets out of this one because they've just given Michael Shanks the shooting script for 'Double Jeopardy' and he's sitting in a corner with his head in his hands, rocking slowly
Why do American military leaders (Hammond, Kerrigan) feel a need to keep a flag in their office? Do they forget which country they’re fighting for?
Jack doesn't seem to be doing anything else, so why doesn't he check the caves out now?
That cadet has evil eyes.
“With all due respect” – again! And from a scientist!
What the hell is Haley going to get into a fight about? The correct application of the zeroth law of thermodynamics? (Yeah I know, that's a really simple concept, but it sounds impressive, and I had to get the zeroth law in there somewhere 'cause it's funny)
See, we do believe in fairies
"Harmless" famous last words
If there were any justice, Sam would have pushed the cadet through the stargate
Lots of gratuitous shots of Teal'c's shoulder muscles
No, the theories aren't mutually exclusive, they could be naturally aggressive because of the polar thing and pissed because they got captured. The solutions may be mutually exclusive, but that's not the same thing
Keep running you fool!

Entity

You never know what a MALP could be capable of when they try. They could have have a whole little MALP civilisation going on in the store cupboards of the SGC
Wow, chevron seven guy gets something to do, as he gets to fall off his chair and be taken away from the room on a gurney.
Jack has a strange fascination with memos in this episode
Like Chevron Seven guy's little wave to Sam. "I'm okay!"
See! The MALPs are alive!
Why is Doc Frasier in on this meeting? Other than to notice the brainwave thing
Jack puts a move on the alien entity
Keep an eye on the id cards as they flash past, particularly the one that names Lee Van Cleef as a member of SG-1
"No!" demands General Hammond, "There'll be no education on this base while I'm in charge"
The base computer runs the lights?
Siler denying his member ship of the lightbulb maintenance team
I like Jack’s “So does bacteria!” argument, and I’m determined to use it as often as I can.
Because falling for it three times would just be silly
You can't fault the entity's logic
I was actually starting to get worried about Sam's survival the first time I saw this

Double Jeopardy

You should have been able to tell that something was up here, because RoboJack’s hair is still brown Well, mostly, except for a scene where they obviously couldn’t be bothered to dye it again. And Daniel's is still long under the bandana
I bet he drinks Carling Black Label too
Love the blank expressions on RoboSG-1
Now, if Jack had done that when their eyes were open, then I'd have been impressed
That's a very convincing disguise for Jack
"You will not be fortunate enough to die as greatly as your father did by my hand" my god, that sounds like one of Lizard's fringedwellings before we run it through the grammar check
Why is it that whenever I fancy an actor they have an annoying habit of getting their head separated from their body? Ben Affleck in Dogma, Ben Browder in Farscape, Michael Shanks in this episode...
Where did RoboSG-1 get their zats from?
Which Jack would have won the scuffle? "Bring it on, fly boy" love that
Imagine the shame of being tortured by someone with a dye job that bad
Very poignant from RoboJack, "Are we still so far from real..."

Exodus

Oh yuk, I do not like Peter Wingfield’s new hairdo. What’s the point of having him in it if we don’t get to hear his normal voice? Counterpoint, doesn't Peter have great hair here? Much better than the awful footballers hair he had in 'Crossroads'
I like the way that Jack always seems to be standing the wrong way when he is ringed somewhere.
Nice to see they nipped back home for a change of khaki before rushing their brand new ship to the Tok'ra
How do they work out what the address of their new planet is?
Love Jack's idea of a fair trade
"Hunt you down" well, they were pretty much doing that anyway
Teal’c does like Goa'uld baiting, doesn’t he?
Jack checking the elbow room in his brand new mother ship corridor
Oh please, the sick prisoner routine? Haven’t the Tok’ra seen that one before?
I knew I'd hidden those Christmas decorations somewhere...
This show depends on astro-physics for plot a lot.
All Jack needs now is sole possession of the remote and a big bag of salted peanuts
Really do not like the design of the Goa'uld mother ships. It seems like the model designers couldn’t make their minds up between the pyramid design and the generic spaceship design, so they used both.
The alternate episode title for this show could be “It’s a Jaffa- revenge thing.”
Sadly Teal'c isn't trussed up in wrapping paper with a big pink bow on his forehead. That would be a gift
Could he not kick around in the sand a little? See if he can find the top of the ring device?
Sam, if you don't know, then nobody else stands a chance
To be continued – three of the most hated words in the English language. Closely followed by 'you're darn tootin'' and 'special Seventies edition'

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