The Fringedwellers' Guide

Stargate Index

Atlantis Index

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S. One
S. Two
S. Three
S. Four
S. Five
S. Six pt I
S. Six pt II
S. Seven pt I
S. Seven pt II
S. Eight
S. Eight pt II
S. Nine
S. Ten
Movie
Mythology

  

Season Five

Go To Episode

• "We surrender" We do? Since when?
• She's new, and has surprisingly little cleavage for a Tok'ra. The producers have obviously got word of the vicious backlash against Vanessa Angel's breasts
• Yay! Tanith lives!
• Hammond has faith in the power of Daniel's weeble gene
• Cool... (Lizard's going to kill me for that remark, cause I edit out all her non-specific 'cool' and 'excellent' remarks, but those bugs are really, really, cool)
• Very nice shot of Daniel from behind there
• Jacob uses his important voice
• Shouldn't that be hot-crystal?
• Daniel really is filling out that T-shirt isn't he? And I know I mentioned it in 'Window of Opportunity' but that desert camouflage does wonders for him, especially when he's got the t-shirt tucked in so you can see those lovely long legs
• I like these new pink edged Jaffa thingies. like scallop shells, pretty
• You can tell it's getting desperate, cause they're letting Daniel play with the big guns
• Since when has Daniel been worried about asking dumb questions?
• I don't believe him either, Apophis has a Weeble gene to rival Daniel's, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's back

• There, what did I tell you. Dead but far from unemployed, moving effortlessly from type four to type three
• "The most ineffective double agent..." particularly since he's killed the guy he's supposed to be double agenting for at least twice
• Never assume that just because someone's got their eyes closed that they also can't hear
• I've never understood this practicing blindfolded thing either. It just ends up teaching you not to use your eyesight properly. Like riding without stirrups just means that you end up gripping with your knees and not putting your weight in your stirrups properly, why voluntarily handicap yourself?
• Have to point out Teal'c in the leather trousers, which is certainly impressive if nothing else, oh and was there a reason why he was naked in the snow? Cause that must have been cold
• "Woman," okay, now Daniel's having issues...

• Hooray! A return appearance of the sexy bandana.
• Jack is instant gratification guy.
• Those crystals in the “honking great space weapon” look like Goa'uld ship engine crystals.
• Oh God Sam, do you people never learn? Never start playing with the alien artefacts on your own
• Daniel tells Jack enough on the radio to worry him, but not enough to tell him what’s going on. They did it a lot on ST-TNG and Voyager – “Captain, you’d better get down here.” “What’s going on?” “Trouble.” – being a common occurrence.
• I can think of worse ways to wake up
• There are pre-mission blood tests now? Dr. Frasier really wants to play outside of the base now.
• So everybody gets a holiday except for poor Daniel?
• Golf? Bad example.
• Sam has a nice house. I don’t like her sheets though.
• Randomly attractive blond men never just talk to me on the street, not even creepy stalker-ish ones. Although luckily they never break into my house and start walking through the furniture either
• The trick is to hold the coffee cup with your teeth, then you can use both hands to clear a space for the books and the mug, then put them both down and then answer the phone 
• The U.S. Military provide Sam with a handy boyfriend vetting service
• Oh, Jack is so humouring her right now.
• Does Sam have any privacy at all, or does she have cameras in every room of the house?
• And everybody stops and considers how mentally unstable they actually are. It's not a ringing declaration of sanity is it?
• Sam actually asks the potential figment of her imagination if she’s crazy or not.
• You know I never considered intergalactic travel as a way of meeting men, maybe that's the route I should be taking
• Especially if it's a boyfriend you can use as a handy reading light too (my bulb's gone and I'm typing in the dark, I could just do with a radiant light-emitting date (date as in man Lizard, not date as in date) about now)
• So they bought "we're in a time loop and the universe is endlessly repeating", but they won't believe in an invisible alien, which is something they've all seen before?
• Somehow you never think of one of those big grey security-looking doors leading to the bathroom
• Jack has an escape route in that loo and yet he can’t take it.
• Daniel has a very sensible fear of the honking great space weapon.
• Help! It's country-and-western!Teal'c!
• Why are they calling Daniel? Do they want him to wrestle in the jello?
• No one is suspicious of the black van casually parked outside Sam’s house?
• And they say that men can’t commit. De-ascending, now that’s commitment.
• Daniel morphs into Jack for a split second with the “Go slow” comment.
• Hammond does love to play that red ‘phone card, doesn’t he.
• Again the internet proves just how frightening it can be (and also proves that you can get anything online). Although you would think the people delivering the 100 pounds of pure titanium would be a little curious as to why they were delivering it to a private house. 
• Nobody has that high a limit on their credit card I would hate to pay Sam’s electricity bill as well as her credit card bill. Do you think she could claim it as expenses?
• Nice to know that the components of a toaster are integral in the making of a Stargate.
• Jump Sam! Jump now!

• We need a fly-catching and silly hats chart
• "I understand" Nice to see somebody does
• Not content with stealing plotlines from ST-TNG, they are also stealing guest cast members too.
• Now they’ve ‘lost’ Jack.
• The three remaining members of SG-1 have a “If I’m not crazy, then the world must be crazy” moment.
• Nice to see Daniel channeling Jack in moments of stress.
• You’ve got to love Teal’c getting straight to the point  
• Simmons calls Hammond's "red phone" bluff
• Because it would be a shame to let the chair go to waste Daniel
• Hiss at the evil Goa'uld bitch
• I always thought  the Red Phone went direct to the President, not to a bunch of bureaucrats who can fob Hammond off. Does the President just have one red phone that all the other red phones connect to, or does he have a different red phone for each head of a secret facility? Maybe he has a red switchboard. Or lots of different coloured phones, perhaps the head of Area 51 has a green phone
• In which case he needs to change his oil a lot more often
• Sam nicely puts Simmons in his place. I especially like her smug grin when he leaves
• Jack really doesn't give a damn who the guy is as long as he's shooting at the Goa'uld
• I love the way he starts out on semi-automatic until he figures out how it works
• Jack waits until they've stopped shooting, then he ducks
• Daniel gets to play with a big gun in this episode.
• Why isn’t Simmons in a uniform?
• Even unconscious, Daniel flycatches.
• Hooray! Teal'c's unfeasibly large staff weapon makes it’s debut appearance.
• Jack disguises himself as a bush quite effectively.
• Teal’c proudly surveys the carnage.
• Notice how unwilling Teal’c is to give up the unfeasibly large staff weapon. I wouldn’t like to be the Ordinance Officer who has to get it off him back in the gateroom. Can’t you see Teal’c trying to get authorisation to use it on every mission he goes on from now on?

• It’s just one planet of ridiculous headgear after another.
• You're not meant to sort through gifts for the best stuff, Jack
• One of these days Teal'c's going to take all this "mark of evil" stuff personally
• The SGC elves. Tell me that’s not funny….
• Should Sam be taking her dark glasses off to look at the sun?
• Actually yes, they did do it. They didn't mean to...
• Did Jack just growl?
• Jack always asks Sam what's going on, then never, ever listens to her explanation.
• I wonder what colour the Asgard phone is?
• Norse temples at no point resembled Christian churches, and there is no evidence, either archaeological or in a written historical source, to suggest that they would have evolved into anything remotely recognisable as a church. Definitely no gothic-arched windows. I’ve written thousands of word on this topic. I know whereof I speak.
• Freyr is a false god, because real Vikings DIDN’T HAVE HORNS ON THEIR HELMETS. I don’t believe that I can stress this point enough.
• "Unavailable" what, he's in the bathroom?
• Jack is still bitter about that ship
• "I see" God, he sounds like my mother there
• Go on Jack, yodel, you know you want to...
• They're hunting for excuses not to help. How the hell would the Goa'uld know if the Asgard interfered? 
• Oh, frequently, Jack questions the will of the gods on an almost daily basis
• Daniel wisely keeping his mouth shut as he watches Jack dig a bigger hole for himself.
• Daniel and Sam watch and worry as Jack insults a large wall of rock.
• So, just don’t tell the Goa’uld that you’re violating the treaty. They won’t know, because they won’t be there – it’s a protected planet, remember?
• Time for Sam’s “dumb it down for the guys” speech, complete with edible visual aids.
• "It's a million to one chance but it might just work..."
• Suddenly the scientists entire life's work is worth it
• Daniel has wonderful, fluffy hair in this episode
• "Not gods" and more to the point, not here
• Score for Team Jack! He needs a little victory dance to do there
• Surely with the speed things travel through the stargate, the distances involved and the relatively very small size of the sun, they would have to be timing the MALPs journey in milliseconds to have any chance at all of hitting the sun
• The Asgard know a cue when they hear one
• Daniel is secure in the knowledge that it's the Asgard sticking their oar in. Do the Asgard have oars? Well they have ships. None of which need rowing though. Which is why they have a spare one to stick in, cause otherwise they'd be using them both

• Well, it seems that teenage girls are teenage girls no matter what planet they’re from.
• I'd be quite pleased just with the box, cause that's nice
• Honestly, he really should have caught her
• OK, your knees go weak, but you’re not supposed to fall over. He’s obviously not doing his job properly.
• I’d go camping if you could create a fire as easily as that.
• They're letting Daniel touch things again
• Well, the last time they took her near a Stargate she turned into a bomb, so they aren't going to try it unless they have to
• What does Jack think it's for? Cause he obviously thought of something pretty repulsive
• Daniel jumps into the rings then tucks his butt right in, like he's afraid it's going to get chopped off
• Jack actually has a valid explanation, but Hammond clearly isn't sure if he's taking the piss or not
• You can tell that Jack had already asked Sam how Cassandra moved the knight, just so he can continue to display his knowledge of physics.
• Surely you wouldn't want the genes to pass on, then there would be lots of super-humans and all the other Goa'uld would want them as hosts. If you only changed one person at a time, then you would be the only one with a cool powerful host
• It must be fun to be invisible in the SGC.
• If Nurrti can turn invisible then why has she got something over her face so nobody can tell what she looks like?
• They're doing a lot of bad things inadvertently at the moment
• Everyone else has really big guns and they've given Daniel a swipe card
• So just give her someone else’s blood! Lie, people!
• Yay, go Janet!
• Janet isn’t disciplined in some way for attacking a member of the SGC and pulling a gun on the Goa’uld? I mean, good for her and everything, but it seems a little bit unfair.
• Oh just blow the bitch away, she's evil, why the hell should they honour their agreement

• And Daniel endangers another civilisation, this time with a snack food.
• Is spirit something you want in a huge great beast that could get pissed and rip your arms off?
• Oh yeah, that's drink all right
• “We’re not going to get into a firefight about this right now.” I like the qualifying “right now”.
• You know that when Jack has enough time to draw up his list of concerns, Daniel is going to feature highly on it.
• I'm very surprised Tobin hasn't mentioned it, but Daniel has really, really sexy hair in this episode. He's got this little flick thing happening, perhaps not as sexy as season two when he's got the long curtains and the glasses pushed back on the top of his head...
• This child has no point
• The writers seem to spend this entire episode studiously avoiding any kind of ethical question. Every time they hit a moral dilemma they back off really quickly, head down a different path until they find a moral dilemma there, so they go somewhere else  and try again...
• They’re going to let Daniel play with explosives now?

• Yummy desert fatigues. And bandana! I'm hooked
• That door is going to be an issue
• And the blue uniforms too, if only to distinguish themselves from the Russians
• "The Russians are coming!" up there with the snot monster line as things everybody should get to say at least once. 
• Ah, I knew 'Stargate' wouldn't let me down. As a native of the country that has produced every villain in Hollywood for the past five years, I have to say how nice it is to return to a bad guy with a Russian accent instead of an English one
• Okay, what the hell is Jack on in this episode? I understand why he's snippy with the Russians, but what on earth has Daniel done to earn the wrath of the great O'Neill? Other than be totally unable to open a door
• Russians have the berets, more or less silly than the boonie hats?
• No, they just heard the rumours about the SGC canteen and decided not to risk it
• Obviously threatened by Teal'c's unfeasibly large weapon, Jack has to prove that his is at least more powerful than the Russian's
• Oh, if they all come back alive it'll be a miracle
• If the Russians are hiding inside the pyramid (ziggurat, sorry Daniel) then couldn't SG-1 just well, ring the doorbell and ask to be let in (and yes I know the Russians are dead but they could have tried it at least)?
• And they don't radio the other team to tell them about the tiny nasty bitey things?
• Wedging doors open is really Teal'c's job
• Finally someone falls foul of a Harrison door
• They are leaving Daniel alone with a flesh eating monster on the loose? ARE THEY MAD?
• Love the reaction to the screams of terror and gunfire, "Daniel?"
• Do the eyeballs of the thing glow?
• How come the guy keeping the journal is always the last one to die? They never find a journal that doesn't explain how the other members of the team got whacked
• I know it's mostly for dramatic impetus, but why would they put the two Colonels, presumably the ones with the most experience on a team together? Surely you'd kind of spread them around
• Admittedly it didn't occur to me (but then I'm not highly trained and intelligent member of a military unit), but wouldn't the ring device have been the obvious thing to look for?
• Oh, it's the spare Russian. they should know that
• How smug do SG-1 look when they start that timer running...
• The Russians just need to understand the concept of a five year contract

• Yep, that's definitely a campus
• Approve of Jack's dress uniform hat, although the raincoat is far from flattering
• You think such a technologically advanced race could turn off their security system without also turning off the lights... Or did she just press the wrong button and was too embarrassed to say anything?
• Other women get love letters, Sam gets coded warnings about imminent Earth dangers
• Jack at his most diplomatic "A great honkin' space gun? Cool" and with those words an alliance is cemented
• Jack and Daniel for once on the same page
• Ooh, that health chip isn't a cheap plot device, no, not at all
• Thought she wouldn't notice! Ha!
• How weird is it to hear your own voice like that?
• Daniel's door opening skills are top notch. He's obviously been practicing since last week
• What would they have done if it wasn't Narim?
• Where's Schrodinger? They can't have an entire Tollan episode and not have a gratuitous cat appearance
• "Blindly yes, but we do have our slightly heightened sense of smell"
• I love the way they totally guilt-trip Narim into doing whatever the hell SG-1 want him to do
• Are the IT people on Tollan any quicker?
• Cheap pick-up line Teal'c
• Jack really not very comfortable with his masculinity
• They've run those weapons off real quick if they've already incorporated SG-1's trinium 
• "Weapon of mass destruction" no shit Sherlock
• Yippee!! Although I'm not sure the robes are doing him any favours. It's creepy when he does his voice too
• Ooh! that was unexpected! Don't like his hair
• He's lying through his teeth, he's not working for anybody but himself. Either that, or Apophis isn't really dead (I still don't believe he's really gone, I've fallen for that before)
• Narim looks like a young Tom Jones
• Narim out for a casual stroll with the entire security force after him
• Hmm, Teal'c is being wanted by Tanith and not Sam, not her day
• I did that this week, only with a mains operated electric fence
• Why not just gate a bomb to Tanith? End of problem
• How cool was that shot with Narim and the explosions behind him?
• Major problem with a (relatively) low-budget show. When big things like the destruction of the Tollan home world actually happen, they can't afford to show them to us

• Nice hair
• Ooh, diplomatic missions, dress uniform... (and Teal'c's cream polo neck, he has much better suits than Daniel)
• Aren't Bolians big blue aliens from 'Star Trek'?
• Potted plot
• Tattle tale
• "07:00" why so bloody early?
• Ah, it must be tiring being the only woman in the team and therefore the subject of all those flirtatious advances from aliens and ambassadors alike. Ooh, she's got a flirtatious understanding with a human
• It's called a mess for a reason you know
• Jack has to really stop this Oz thing, especially since I'm starting to wonder if he has spangly red shoes somewhere that he clicks together every time he wants to go home
• Stargate Mark 2, one of the movable ones, the one chevron seven guy is desperate to upgrade to
• Ugh, no sense of humour, with that forehead you can tell
• Chevron seven guy has dialogue!
• It's Cletus the slack-jawed alien yokel
• That's not iron root it's a bloody pylon
• You shouldn't confuse Teal'c by taking metaphors literally
• Okay, quick leap up and down at Americans again speaking for the entire globe, and a cheer for the Aschen for pointing that out. We demand British representation!
• Badness
• Who would knock the Pentagon off line one status?
• They were negotiating with Jack and they found them very patient? There's something wrong with these people
• No, you're not, I have a bad feeling too
• He can't translate "fever" but he can translate "pandemic"?
• Nur-nur-nur-nur-nur thinks Jack
• Ah they're Welsh, no wonder they were duped...
• There's no 'J' in the Welsh alphabet, that can't be Welsh, although there is a remarkable lack of vowels. Someone's just taken all their vowels off their keyboard and then leant on it
• Doesn't the President have to take calls from the red phone?
• Well, he's been back in time and seen the inside of a big room in the future
• Not a ringing gesture of their good faith then, just a token one
• Oh just push Kinsey down the stairs for gods sake, "oops I slipped"
• The Aschen ambassador's kinda cute
• The jig is up. The jig is up? You've never heard that before? I've never heard anyone actually say it before, I've read it in 'Sharpe' novels...
• Please tell me they weren't dumb enough to actually give them real gate co-ordinates
• None of those guys go to help her when she flies down the ramp
• Permission to faint sir?
• That's three
• As opposed to Teal'c, who appears really quite smug

• They're Russian. You can tell by the casual smoking of the cigarette and the jaunty angle of the beret
• They're really losing most of their non-Russian speaking audience
• Which one's the bad guy? The one with the moustache? Nice to know some things are universal
• That's a funky little car she's got
• Never one to go quietly...
• Why the hell would she need to work out in her spare time?
• "No jurisdiction outside this facility" ah well,  thinks Jack, never mind
• That's not an attractive shot
• Oh gee Jack, two whole dollars, splash out why don't you
• "How generous do I have to get?" house in the suburbs?
• "When were you in Korea?" "I was there for the Olympics. It was hell"
• Not a lot of 'National Geographics', he must have very small closets
• Nyah! Beard! Although on Maybourne it actually looks quite dapper (I apologise for using the word dapper, but it's the only one that fits)
• How does having a gun prevent him using the phone?
• 2 hours? Is that all?
• "Civilian oversight" so why Colonel Maybourne?
• Beard modeling
• $3 million? That's small change to some people, and Maybourne knows a lot about a lot of things
• Daniel helpfully circling the only woman in that photograph in red
• It's a cannon the size of a pencil, how threatened can you be?
• Somebody out there spends way, way too much time turtle waxing their car
• Quick, act nonchalant 
• Ask away, doesn't mean she's going to answer them
• ...and my wife doesn't understand me
• They're still on that ridiculous old cover story? I can just about see why it would work for Sam, but does anyone believe that Jack is seeing out his last years of service studying deep space radar? And what the hell is the explanation for Daniel being there? In case any of the deep space radar talks back?
• I feel the symbiote needs some gravel and a little castle to swim round
• Because they're offering you three million dollars, Jack
• Host being the operative word there
• How good is her hair for someone who's been laying down for five days?
• "Ho ho ho. Now I have a gun too"
• Sam tries to look casual while cuffed to a railing
• Yay for Jack's nice muscly arms in that black top
• "Brain tissue" and there's quite a lot of it in Sam
• Air Force, NID, a big van full of guys marked S.W.A.T. and who do they send in first? Daniel. Not that he did a bad job, but someone must have had a moments worry about that
• Bullshit...
• Stupid woman
• Good thing she's not wearing one of those backless nightie things
• I just love Teal'c's stealth hat
• Jack really doesn't give a damn about the host
• Grrrrr! Simmons shot a good guy, he should die a horrible death, preferably involving a bucket of live eels
• If they put sleeves on those things then we wouldn't have gotten to see his rippling biceps
• Wrong son of a bitch

• Even I can tell that's not an asteroid, it's all pointy at the front
• Yep, Tobin's right, reversing the polarity is the only way to fix these things...
• Gotta have the exclamation mark, just wouldn't be the same without it
• Must be the best job in the world, making the pyrotechnics bigger
• Poor, poor disgruntled writer "We can always go back to the way it was in the script"
• Peter DeLuise was actually a tough guy in an early ep of 'Highlander'
• Nah, I wouldn't give an audience that much credit
• Pretend Sam missing out on a quality opportunity to flirt with Jack
• Isn't Poochinsky from 'The Simpsons' originally? I just seem to remember a talking dog who fights crime. Although RDA is more than qualified to nick stuff from them, they've used his show often enough, "after meals, and after MacGuyver" and the fact that Patti and Selma have a ball of his hair...
• "Gravdlax Six"? They named a planet after some cured salmon?
• The big sign saying "Please Open Door Slowly", remember 'Window Of Opportunity'? Now I'm guessing that actually happened
• Fairy Liquid bottle and some sticky-back plastic, can't be more than 50p for the gold paint...
• It says 'Major' on Sam's uniform, we saw it in 'Point Of View'
• For the record, Lizard can do the one eyebrow thing, although only after months of practice

• Two of the team, Daniel and..?
• There she is, I can see her
• Nice shot
• A Goa'uld who's seen one too many Clint movies I think
• You never hear a Goa'uld say sorry
• "Cute" that's what I was thinking
• "Personal feelings" oh, yeah, cause SG-1 have never done that...
• He's a fringedweller, there's no such thing as over-think, and there's no such thing as overkill
• It could be a training manual, "Jack O'Neill's Little Book Of Trite Air Force Metaphors"
• What happens to the people who don't get on the team? Do they have their minds wiped or something?
• What's this "whole life" crap, the Air Force have only known about this for the last five years, he can't have been preparing for it for more than five months
• Sam's eating blue jelly again, Jack's at least is pink, but for some reason he's eating it with a fork
• We know he wasn't tap dancing, because then there would have been more rhythm and possibly a top hat and cane
• Do they plan for the extra ten minutes that Hammond's going to leave the gate open for after the deadline?
• They're just going to leave him there? Surely that's a "stop! And carry me to safety" situation
• It's a sack. How alien
• She's got Daniel disease
• I bet they had to turn their mobiles off
• It's always nice that people let you know when you've been killed
• Don't give him ideas
• Oh no! The Humvees! Quick, find a Citroen
• Some maintenance guy's going to be really pissed that Jack's going round blowing holes in all his doors
• How many SGC members can they fit in a cupboard?
• Teal'c can do this with a straight face, because it's the only kind of face he has
• "No good dead" unless they need to poke a body round a corner for people to shoot at or some thing, then he's of minor use
• Are we meant to think that Jack is in league with the bad guys when he gets those phone calls?
• Ah, the planet where Jack had sex, you'd have thought he'd remember it
• "Memory", well, that and the prostate, but we weren't going to talk about that
• Can they not just give everybody those Goa'uld protein markers? It seems to have so many advantages, you're immune to various bits and pieces, you can sense other Goa'uld... I can't really see a downside
• This is very much like an SG-1 role playing game, talk to the characters and get them to help you
• Aw! Taking out Daniel's my job, or distracting him at the very least 
• Bullshit, it's driving everyone crazy
• Daniel being a less-than-convincing power hungry megalomaniac
• Three of them are launching an attack, one of them's just going to throw herself at him
• Jack's right, he's making a really good target, but then so did Daniel for the first three seasons
• You can tell these people are being tested for the SGC, if Maybourne was testing them for the NID, they would have been expected to find out that it was a sham
• Twice
• Admittedly, I only realised that the second time was a fake, cause I hate Halley, and they wouldn't kill her off, I'm not that lucky 
• Perhaps the other girl can join SG-3. Daniel backside-protecting duty
• These poor recruits are going to be in a state of total paranoia for the next few years at least

• Yes! Teal'c's unfeasibly large staff weapon is back! I knew he couldn't keep it in the storage locker for long...
• So this is what, a transporter accident? He's essentially stuck in the pattern buffer right?
• That'll be a no then
• Ooh, scientist cat fight!
• Yippee! But "rat bastard"? Hasn't someone got that nickname already? And the real question, is he hiding a Sundance somewhere?
• Major Davis' resolved face
• Oh I'm sure they could make something up
• It's that jelly again. What is it? Blue raspberry flavour like an ice-pop?
• "And occasionally turn out to be raccoons"
• Yes damn it, finally one of the SGC notices the slight, barely discernable American bias
• Hammond could always shove one of SG-2 down some stairs so they break a leg and have to postpone the mission
• Both Teal'c and the unfeasibly large staff weapon are completely unharmed, although Teal'c looks kind of weirded out 
• He doesn't mean that "Tanith is dead" bit does he? Why would they whack that important a character in such a minor way?

• Is that the Evil Zipacna without his silly hat? And more importantly, is it meant to be the Evil Zipacna or have they just employed the same actor?
• "She served me" oh, yeah, that's what all husbands think...
• Annubis is who Tanith was working for right?
• People just stopped by before?
• I don't think the Tok'ra got the 'Star Wars' joke
• Poor Daniel feeling the possibilities getting fewer and fewer...
• His first mission, Christ, that's almost as dangerous as the last one before he retires
• Ah, they just can't avoid that Yu pun can they. The Richard Whitely of the 'Stargate' universe 
• "Danny"? Jacob's getting very familiar there
• Um, Daniel in that costume... Two words, "oh" and "yeah"
• "Allowing yourself to be murdered" I'm sure Daniel will do everything in his power to prevent it
• Yep, that's a pretty damn big invasion
• Apart from the fact that I hate her with a fiery passion, Osiris is kinda cool
• Aldwin! No! I liked Aldwin, he was sweet, and that bit when he lands on his neck is really unpleasant

• If she doesn't have something in mind, I could give her a few suggestions
• Ah, I knew Aldwin's little lecture on tunnel design and oxygen supplies  wouldn't go to waste
• Presumably the one who remains is Yu? Or do they mean Apophis (who I'm still not convinced is dead)?
• That really is a loophole to end all loopholes
• Eww, oh that is gross
• Daniel's trying to breed insurrection again, admittedly with very, very few results
• Almost all voted...
• Oh Christ, Daniel has a plan
• I'm missing something, why hasn't the Goa'uld population been growing? Is it because they're eating them all? That can't be right
• The apparent rescue attempt simply succeeds in getting everybody into more trouble
• You can tell the situation's serious because Jack hasn't even made any jokes about Daniel's costume
• Argh (that's a tormented argh, not an irritated argh)! What a horrible place to end! Why don't we see them get away? And it's not like it's going to continue from there next week, because I've seen next week's and it doesn't.

• I know this aired before 'Summit' and 'Last Stand', but it actually comes after those two, so for those of you who thought you were going mad because you couldn't figure out where Daniel and Jacob got that ship, don't worry, it isn't you. On that note, did Sky show this one first just so they could split 'Summit' and 'Last Stand' up and make us wait three weeks over Christmas before we saw part two?
• Having all these advanced allies is a total waste of time really. They should have gone with the NID plan and just stolen the stuff
• Well, it did perform beautifully until...
• Surely even after the fail-safe, they could still blow the asteroid up. Even if that wouldn't deflect it, it'd take away a large part of the asteroid's mass and make for a smaller impact when the asteroid did hit
• Am I the only one who expected the deep crater to have teeth?
• Major Davis fulfilling his usual role
• It always amazes me now they do this on 'Stargate', you know that bomb isn't going to explode, but still you're on the edge of the seat when he cuts that wire
• How fast would the asteroid have to be going to not get pulled back by Earth's gravity and hit from the other side?

• That’s a very mellifluous Jaffa. Why do I get the feeling that he’s going to be a Hitler-esque narrator?
• They've lifted this almost entirely from 'Robin Hood'. And 'The Prisoner' "I'm not a number, I'm a free Jaffa!"
• It’s Stealth!Teal’c in his big shroud.
• They were forced to listen to banjo music?
• Oh, this is why this is a Jaffa-heavy episode, Christopher Judge wrote it.
• Hell, they armed the Unas, why not the rebel Jaffa?
• Those are worrying proto-sideburns on Daniel.
• Is this army so poor that they have to wander around half-naked? Or do they just have a batch of very muscular extras this week?
• They must have raised every dojo in the Vancouver area for those ninja-type Jaffa.
• Survival and victory are exactly the same thing, if you're alive, then the other guy's probably dead, and by definition you've won
• Jack is going to organise a cheering rota when he gets back to the SGC.
• Zipacna has forces now? Cool. Perhaps he traded his silly hat and got them in exchange
• When he says it like that, it’s a pretty impressive number of Goa’uld that they’ve killed, or at least sent on a dead break. That's a good list 
• Oh, knocking the guns is not a wise move. Jack will see that as a direct attack on his masculinity.  Just because it's not unfeasibly large, doesn't mean it's any less effective
• "The female?" Yes. But a female with a machine gun, so I'd be careful what you say. Survival Tip No.34: Do not annoy the highly trained woman with the machine gun.
• Has the Jaffa-I’ve-Known-Was-Really-A-Goa’uld-From-The-Beginning seen most of his army? Half of them seem to be of the female variety.
• If bonding with Daniel is an option, I’m game.
• (With a tone of marvel in my voice) I’ve never seen so many muscular men in skirts before.
• Okay, that's impressive. F***ing insane, but impressive
• Anyone can walk on water – you’ve just got to freeze it first.
• Men are dumb, really really dumb.
• What’s going to happen to the Jaffa army when their symbiotes grow up and want to leave home?
• I haven’t seen many pouch marks on those scantily clad Jaffa.
• Is there any reason why there's so much naked male flesh on display in this guys army? Not that I find it at all unpleasant, but I am starting to wonder about his motives
• So why does Yu tell Teal'c? Just to undermine Imhotep?
• God, Teal'c really has got his Buffy outfit on...
• That’s one big splinter.

• Of course it won’t be safe, did you see the episode title? It’s ”Menace”, not “Another Uneventful Trip Through The Stargate”
• Does she come with a CD burner?
• If I was the robot I would have stayed lying there until Daniel tried out Jack's suggestion
• Daniel really isn’t sugar coating that bombshell, is he? Is there any kind of way to break that gently?
• Only in 'Stargate' could Daniel have a comeback like that – “The last time you were a robot you didn’t figure it out right away.” That one had me in hysterics.
• God, she’s just like a petulant Year Nine.
• Oh f***
• You just knew that Jack was going to start to play around with that magnifier, and Daniel was manfully ignoring him until the end.
• More importantly, what did she make it from that Daniel will never see again?
• Jack's the kind of person who pokes his bruises isn't he?
• Teal'c is eying that bug with an impressive amount of suspicion
• The replicator bug takes a run-up before launching itself at the glass
• Just hit it with a chair or something if you don't want to fire the gun at the computer. How about a really big rolled-up newspaper? Sunday Telegraph?
• Hammond is in a T-shirt. Shouldn’t this episode have some kind of warning? When did Hammond find time to change? And he is really, really enjoying the chance to play with the big guns
• Replicators can type? Excellent. Could I have a couple to help keep this monster updated?
• Are their swipe cards like our old library cards in university? Got to be careful not to leave it in your pocket when you do your washing?
• It always unnerves me when Daniel lies
• No Daniel, dying is certainly not an option
• The self-destruct actually stopped when they took the keys out, it didn't dramatically tick down to 0:00:01!
• Bloody hell, I have never ever heard Daniel talk like that. I don't even think we've heard him swear before
• And in this case when Jack says "sweep" he means it, with brooms and a really big dustpan

• I just want to say, before I start to attempt to fringedwell this episode, NOOOOOO! Daniel cannot die. After this fringedwelling is over, in my personal universe Season Five of Stargate ended with ‘Menace’ (because ‘The Sentinel’ was crap). Anything that happens in the future is obviously an alternate universe. Daniel is still alive and well. Denial, not just a river but a popular state of mind.
• What an evil thing to do, we are now in agony throughout the show waiting to see how Daniel dies. I know it's a bitch, but since we all knew he was going to go anyway, it's probably the best way they could have done it. Besides, I'm a sucker for these stories where you know what the end is before you start
• Somebody let Daniel look at Dr. Frasier’s encyclopaedia
• Ironic really, Daniel was always very worried about radiation in the first few seasons.
• Yeah, really
• "No..." Jonas not letting himself be completely walked all over there
• "Involved in" hell, they did this, Sam built the sodding bomb herself. Remember 'Chain Reaction'?
• I’m so completely with Jack here.
• Yeah, like the Pentagon wouldn’t use it for a bomb eventually. Once they found people who didn’t have defence shields.
• She could make it worse?
• Oh bloody hell, not the face, please not the face!
• It’s the last chance for Daniel nudity – where’s the backless gown?
• I wish Jack could have said what he was obviously thinking.
• Actually, his last official act will be to die.
• This is how they kill him? Ascension? Surely this how they get rid of characters we hate – Wesley Crusher and Kes are two that spring to mind – not ones we adore?
• No wonder Shifu was Fortune Cookie Boy, if this is what he had to put up with every day. You can almost imagine them in the morning “Oma, where’s the cereal?” “There are many paths to the cereal. You must be prepared to renounce the toast if you wish to seek true enlightenment.” 
• He's dying! Get to the fucking point!
• Oh Daniel, you beautifully heroic and wonderful fool.
• No, you're not a failure! You got me through nine months of absolute hell by brightening my Wednesdays, that's not a failure
• So you can only ascend if you're the kind of arrogant git who thinks you deserve it?
• Teal’c just made me cry.
• High alert, low alert, what’s the difference? Well, they'd be more alert for a start
• Jack's taking that sudden switch in perception very well. It's nice that those two get the last good bye though
• I refuse to believe that the ultimate aim of Daniel’s existence on earth was to become a hovering electric jellyfish.
• I have to admit, the first time I saw this, I didn't actually cry, but I was working on the Angel page about two hours later, and suddenly realised that, unlike Doyle, poor Daniel didn't even have any low rats. That struck me as just about the saddest thing I'd ever heard and I sobbed solidly for the next half hour

• I don’t see what they can possibly reveal in this episode that I would honestly care about. I know the writers were in a lose-lose position, but after the huge emotional sledgehammer that was ‘Meridian’ nothing is going to please anybody. 
• His name's still on the titles... Eeep  
• Teryl Rothery as who?
• "Replacement for Dr Jackson" no such thing, no adequate one anyway. You can never replace Daniel. Accept it. 
• Sam speaking directly for the Daniel fans here – “What are we supposed to do? Wait and see if he comes back or move on?” 
• How can Sam tell the Asgard apart? How can she tell if it’s Freyr? 
• Anyone else get the feeling we're headed for a major Jack breakdown about halfway through this episode?
• And so say all of us… 
• They really are skimping on the money by having Teryl Rothery doing Heimdall’s voice. 
• "Deteriorate" kind of like my copy of 'Blade of The MacLeods', or my copy of 'Hysteria' for that matter
• That’s a horribly hairy Jaffa. 
• They are subtly making us not miss Daniel so much by giving us the kind of episode which he never has much to do in anyway
• Could they not have gone round?
• Frankly, I wouldn't want that implanted anywhere, but my brain actually seems one of the least unpleasant places it can go
• Only if Thor’s brain is compatible with the Goa’uld ship’s computer software. 
• Okay, not inspiring loyalty in the troops here, girl
• Oh, so he's the only Asgard left who can still get it up?
• Oh, ick. Mr. Cone-Head is freaky. 
• Nice reactions from Teal'c there
• Whose leg was that doing the high kick? Crikey!
• Well, yeah, she is lying, kinda, ish, sort of. Maybe
• Red wire or blue wire? 
• Daniel is wind? They kill my beloved archaeologist, turn him into a hovering electric jellyfish and them have him blow past the other cast members? The words “incandescent” and “fury” come to mind.