stargate season seven

Season Seven

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Fallen

Ominous landscape 101
Well, they took a remarkably short time to strip him. Wah hey! They’ve really grasped the selling point of this show. I think more shows need to start like this.
Hmm, Michael Shanks has long legs.
Oooh, nipple shot.
I hope they filmed this on a sound stage, because that looks like it could have been cold
Was the 'and ' credit part of his contract?
Oh , I feel all guilty for Corin Nemec now. Oh, poor, title-less Corin. Who, I may say, has incredibly sexy hair this season. That is fantastic hair. Let him stay!
Siler has no idea what he's talking about. Poor Jonas is absolutely desperate to tell someone who cares about his little discovery. That poor random bloke in the lift... This whole scene is very similar to my sudden outburst of "Nun! It was nun!" on the stairway at work. I had a similarly one sided overly-excited conversation about a Hansard report with a Librarian once.
“This had better be the discovery I think it is!” pants Jonas as he hauls himself up another flight of stairs.
True, it is careless of a civilisation to lose a whole city. “Well, it was there last time I looked...”
I'm going to miss Jonas
Jack is being just a little bit pessimistic here, but after so many missions go so horribly wrong, you can’t really blame him.
So they weren't sick, just really bad with directions?
They don’t look very... Oh Jack, I’ve missed you.
Blue doesn’t seem a very nomadic colour.
“No, but he plays one on TV.” I bet RDA has been waiting ages to use that one. Amanda Tapping was trying so hard not to laugh at Jack's jaffa joke
Yeah, try not to shoot him, please.
Go on, SG-13, cheer, you know you want too.
Don't run with scissors! Ooh, another wise aphorism contest. Jack may have lost this one too, but at least he’s moved on from “Don’t run with scissors.” Which apparently I haven't. Jack has a little book of these somewhere.
There's definitely a flocking joke in there somewhere but it will take a dirtier mind than mine to find it
Yeah, lets try not to call Daniel a thing
Might want to see? Oh, I think that’s a given.
Damn, they covered him up! When Daniel falls naked from the sky, surely it’s in humanity’s best interests to keep him naked?
Yes, Daniel in a dress
Naked one? I feel he's sadly not living up to this new appellation
Nah, Jack’s not going to do that.
Jack really isn’t the best person to be explaining these things. I love Jack’s struggle to tell the truth without confusing Daniel more.
Oily skin? So all Anubis needs is a decent pore cleanser?
"What if I don't like who I was?" well, it's nice to see he's lost not only his memory but his personality as well. Oh Daniel, what’s not to like?
Yeah Sam, we all thought that it was hard to lose Daniel too.
Please don't tell me they're trying for Daniel/Sam this season? We only just convinced them that we hated the Jack/Sam idea
Now, I’m not sure that I would have been as scrupulous as Sam. “Yes darling! We’ve been having a torrid affair for years! Maybe hot tent sex would refresh your memory?”
I knew Jack would get on well with anecdote man
I want to hear the dancing monkey story! They can’t tease us with the monkey story like that!
Love Jack's gesture, in case Hammond can't figure out which one Daniel is
That's it Jack, defraud the amnesiac
If there’s one thing that’s going to bring his memory back, its being prodded by Dr Frasier.
Ooh, the glasses.
By "kept a few things" Jack means he looted Daniel's office for anything cool or pointy
Now that’s just mean.
Aw, Daniel looks so happy to remember Share. Pity someone’s going to have to tell him she’s dead.
Oh no, Teal'c's got the sharp end of the stick there
Are these new exterior shots or has it been so long since I’ve seen this show that I’ve forgotten what they look like?
Amnesiac humour. Smooth
The SGC have a very individual interpretation of ‘classified’.
That Jim was on purpose. I think Daniel is getting his banter back, anyway.
Poor, poor Jonas. He was so excited and Daniel’s only been back five minutes and discredited the discovery.
Daniel has a moment of worry as he tries to remember whether or not Jack is actually the kind of person who would beat him to a pulp in the briefing room
Ooh, Teal’c’s all dressed up.
Why are they trusting Yu? That makes absolutely no sense.
Why not send in R2D2 and have done with it?
I can just see the x-302 appearing in the mothership's canteen
Jonas and Daniel sneak anywhere? I think the plan is running into a bit of a problem there.
I love the honesty with the hands-up, even Sam has to admit it’s a dumb plan.
Well, if you can't trust Yu then who can you trust?
Really the wackiest? I still think four of them trying to blow up Anubis' mothership with nothing but willpower and some wooly hats takes some beating
Now there is a pair of mismatched guards.
How does Daniel remember how to dress himself?
Hammond looks strange in combats. It's not that Hammond is off world, that's throwing me, it's that he has long sleeves
Chevron Seven Guy got through the wormhole! And about time too, he really needs some sun.
Hang on, didn't the x-302 go into hyperspace with the gate and explode? Have they built another one?
I really want a zat gun
And he can remember how to work a Goaul’d computer?
Open your eyes Jack! Surely fighter pilots should be trained not to do that?
Daniel and Jonas Googled for an answer? I knew that the site was useful, but still ... I bet that computer comes back with “Core is a very common word and was not included in your search.”
Jack taking every chance to say “I told you so!”
They don’t look in a hurry to evacuate, do they?
Oh, hello Star Wars shot, I knew there was something familiar about this plan!
Eeep! I don't like it when they shoot people who aren't on the titles...
Sam doesn't get "Ma'am"ed very often
That’s one frustrated-looking oilslick.
Jonas is taking this tortured captive thing very well. Jonas is channelling Jack, there.
I really don't like the look of those little spiky torture things. They're enormously unsettling. The combination of the spiky thing and the medieval stock contraption is extremely unsettling.

Homecoming

Well, it’s only *some* of SG-1.
Who are the people following Sam and Jack out of the gate?
Those two seem very unconcerned abut having left Daniel and Jonas behind
Jonas, secure in the depth of his own ignorance
Anubis always seems a little over dramatic to me.
The square window? Or the round window?
Poor Jonas, it's not as if he was very welcome at home in the first place
You can tell things are getting serious when even Jack fails to make a Yu joke.
Well, this is what happens when you leave archaeologists unattended.
Damn bloody technology, the sodding Sky page wouldn’t load! I tuned in to see the Teal’c discussion with the Yu Jaffa.
Is that Principle Kwan’s son?
Ah, time for Yu to go to the Old Goa'uld’s Home, I think. Senile Goa'uld? Earth allied itself with the universe's only senile Goa'uld? Figures
Have they ever tried locking Yu in the sarcophagus?
I’m lost now, who are these military people?
I think the man with a goatee is a baddie. A goatee is a sign of evil.
And the other one being someone you consider a terrorist.
Daniel's desperately trying to get Jack to whisper over the intercom
I love Daniel’s precise military-style report about his whereabouts - “I’m hiding!”
Oh, we’re in Kelowna. Right. God, I hate missing those first few minutes.
God, I’ve missed the banter between Jack and Daniel.
"Yes we do this kind of thing all the time." I bet Daniel's sitting up there on the ship thinking that Jack's being sarcastic with that statement
Baal looks far too much like Marty Pellow to be taken seriously.
Look at Jack playing the little things on the table. I half expect one of the Kelownans to come over and say “Stop doing that! They’re actually representations of our troops and that’s the ninety-second airborne you’re fondling.”
I love Jack’s dramatic music.
Teal'c and the Yu-jaffa mess with Baal's mind
I wonder why Bastet? I think her and Baal have a history
They gave all of it? They didn’t keep even a little bit?
Perhaps Anubis is putting together his very own Time Team.
I wonder if the Kelownans have a Major Davis equivalent that has to go to the leaders of the other two delegations and explain all about the Stargate and the nasty aliens that want to kill them all.
“His physiology merits further experimentation” - That’s pretty much why I want him to stay too. Now, there's a lab report I wouldn't mind writing up...
Didn’t she play someone else in ‘1969’?
Jack gives the dignitaries a technical rundown
Jack’s very proud of the Stargate.
Jack cuts to the chase, "Are you nuts?"
Sit back and enjoy the irony Jonas
Yet again they tease us with the monkey story! Maybe they will reveal the dancing monkey story in the season finale.
There’s no point in Daniel whispering if Jack and Sam are going to shout at the other end.
Well, that lucky failed experiment will take care of that pesky forcefield problem.
Daniel and Jonas' luck runs true to form
I can just see Daniel apologetically handing a little pan of ashes over to Hammond, "Well, we didn't think the force field was that strong..."
“Are you sure?” “No!” I love the fact that Jonas and Daniel are forced to do the job that Sam and Jack would be much better at.
*Antiquities*, Sam, what with it being a museum of them
They gave them to the scientists who went crazy?
Eight men with guns.
So let me get this straight...The Kelownans only put items in the museum that have no significance, all the more important stuff they hide in a cupboard.
Poor Daniel, sitting on a crate looking all bemused.
“Lousy hours, constant peril.” Would that be mild peril or serious peril?
Jonas really is up isn't he, "Let's see if it still works."
"Looks like we got here first" Don't count on it
They need to look for the list that says what’s in each box.
Told you
Stomp on the crystal!
Love the random jaffa taken out by a flying crate
My, that was a convenient coincidence with the ring platform.
Go Jonas and Daniel! I know that competence is always attractive, but that was hot
Who would’ve guessed? When you put Jonas and Daniel together they manage to save *other* people.
Ooh, goatee man! I knew you’d be a baddie. I knew that the general guy was up to something, but this is excessive
Well Jack, it looks like a set-up.
Oh good one, Andari woman.
Well, that was predictable. Yeah, he’s an idiot. Well, an ex-idiot.
Daniel's not quite got back into the swing of this fighting stuff has he?
Go Sam! I love the fact Sam just gets straight in with the hand to hand combat while everyone else is faffing about with guns.
“I’m sorry, Anubis can’t come to the viewscreen right now as he’s escaping to plot another day. Please leave your message after the scream of the dying Jaffa...”
Anubis escaped in a Frisbee!
Why is nobody firing at the pod?
Aarrrrgggh Jonas!
Shoot him Teal'c don't just aim
Poor Jonas, usurped and forced to wear incredibly unflattering slacks.
Jonas has been with them a year, is that really all his stuff?
He's injured, and a diplomat, and they're still going to make him carry his own stuff?
“You have the heart of a warrior.” Please give it back, you’re not supposed to take it with you.
A brief moment as Jack and Jonas wonder if they should hug too, and unanimously decide against it
He's not taking his fish with him?
They’re probably not paid enough, thinking about it.
What an utter waste! The perfect opportunity to have a lingering shot of Daniel from behind and they put him in a thigh-length jacket!

Fragile Balance

Sam using her highly-trained scientific deductive skills there.
God, this kid has got the Jack tone of voice and mannerisms down well. Maybe they’re a little bit exaggerated, but they work well for this purpose.
Oh God, did Carter just try to patronise Jack?
Surely you only get in trouble for impersonating an officer if you are able to dupe someone. If no one believes you, you're no threat. No, I would imagine the Armed Forces still get pretty pissed however bad you are at it
Ah, so this is how they’re explaining RDA’s absence for this episode.
Being regressed is bad enough, but being denied coffee is just hell.
Well, he certainly knows mission routine, "Can we just get to the part where you and Fraiser run some test, find a cure..."
Why are they all standing around looking disbelieving? With all the strange things they’ve seen and done in the last seven years…
That kid is really, really good at playing Jack.
The trousers are a nice touch
Thank you Daniel, my point exactly.
Daniel, getting his memory back, and using it to comic effect.
Regressed? Only physically. Mentally Jack has always been 15 years old
What exactly *is* Dr Frasier’s area of expertise?
Specialists? What do they specialise in, exactly? Rapid age reversal? Because that’s a particularly esoteric speciality. The poor people probably thought, “I know, if I pick a really weird speciality nobody will ever ask me to do anything important...”
I like little Jack’s defence of his vitality.
Nobody's going to enjoy this as much as Sam
They found him mini fatigues!
Daniel went straight for the underwear drawer!
Maybe the Asgard are playing a practical joke.
The Asgard are very fond of him, maybe they want to rebuild their race on the Jack Model. Which isn’t actually that bad an idea.
You can tell General Hammond is just waiting to say “run along now...”
General Hammond taking the opportunity to stomp on Jack while he has the chance
Jack's off to the briefing isn't he?
Which either says something about Aliens or something about Americans.
Blue Phoenix? What a stupid name.
What Sam needs to say at this juncture is "Yes, I was second seat, but you haven't even seen the ship yet so shut up and listen."
The Colonel is busy enjoying some chocolate milk right now, can he get back to you?
If the x-302 has pedals Jack will never reach
I'm sure every pilot in the room is thinking the exact same thing about their uniforms too
Look at them straighten up in their seats when they figure out that it really is O’Neill.
Poor Sam, they’re more willing to listen to a 14 year old boy than they are to her.
I want to take Death Gliders 101! I feel my university short-changed me by not offering that as a module
They gave Daniel his first season glasses back.
I though it was Thor that liked them. I seem to remember Freya wasn't too keen
By the state of his bedroom, there’s not a lot of difference between teen Jack and adult Jack.
Oh, it’s always at a cellular level.
"Shrunk him and left him to die." That sucks on a very special level
Good on little Jack!
Swept the base, meaning they found nothing, but now all the surfaces are spotless
Hah, the shopkeeper got to say “For crying out loud!”
The light beer thing never works, he needs to find a responsible adult and get them to but it for him.
This is such a bad pity story in order to get beer.
Little Jack appears to have a drinking problem.
It almost never works if the person knows you. You need to get a stranger to buy you illicit beer
Sam’s dad didn’t actually digest them, did he?
Oh well done Janet, that’s quite a major thing to get wrong.
Ah, that abnormality comes back to haunt them.
Why clone Jack? He’s the most annoying man on the planet!
Mini-Jack! Call him Mini-Jack!
Ooh, a funky touch screen red phone!
Look at Daniel shifting the explanation there.
Big Jack’s attitude towards his robot double doesn’t leave me very confident in the fate of Little Jack.
Jack’s going to get a real shock when he wakes up.
You can understand Adult!jack’s confusion here. I
He’s shooting indiscriminately, it must be Jack.
And you were there... I was going to make this fringedwelling but I was waiting to see if they were going to use it as the Oz reference.
Look at Daniel and Teal’c shy away from that one.
I'm actually a few inches shorter than I think
Hey, I made that joke already!
Loki? That’s... OK, beaten to the reference by Daniel.
He might need to tell Jack where the bathroom is, otherwise there could be an accident
And a very fine question it is too
Yeah, I’d want to know about the sanctioned experiments too.
Jack O’Neill is able to support a superior intellect? He’s never going to let SG-1 forget that.
Jack is an evolutionary step forward? He’s not going to let Sam forget that one.
Thor always sh... There you go.
I thought Thor was going to punch Loki then
Oooh, alien scientist rivalry.
I like the little slap between Jacks there.
Repeat Secondary School? God no.
I have to say I feel sorry for mini-Jack's foster parents if he has any
Mini-Jack is going to cut a swathe through the girls with what he knows by now. Thirty years of experience in a cute teenage body? He's going to give some girl a superbly good first sexual experience.
Aw, poor Mini Jack! I’d want to keep in touch with my clone, I’d feel responsible for it.

Orpheus

Eep! The evil Sky woman just announced a completely different programme! I nearly had a heart attack
Is Teal’c on fire?
I don’t know why, but Teal’c falling over made me laugh out loud. You laughed because it was funny. I laughed too
Urgh, sucking gut wound and Teal’c with no symbiote.
Not ironic, lucky.
Ooops, the creation of an allied system lord force was a bit of a mistake, in hindsight.
Look at all that jelly. At least it was green, not blue. That’s some sinister looking Jelly.
Sympathy through coloured gelatin? I’d prefer chocolates, personally. Jack O’Neill arriving with jelly would make me feel instantly better. I want to be visited by Jack and green jelly. Although I'd rather be well when it happened, so I could take full advantage of it
You can just see Teal’c doing the Greta Garbo “I vant to be alone.” He has the dramatic make up down pat, anyway. He might want to be left alone, but what he needs is a clip round the ear and to be told to stop brooding. Followed by popcorn and action movies
Ooh, Daniel working out in sleeveless shirt. That was a nice present.
I love Sam’s ranting about the sci fi film. What film is she talking about?
No, no Daniel, descended is good.
I bet Daniel is driving Chevron Seven Guy up the wall right now.
I have a weird image of Jack shaking pompoms now.
“Don’t give me the eyebrow.” Class.
"Something's bothering you." Is Daniel planning to move in with the Kent family any time soon? God what a dumb statement
All that ‘needing to talk about it’ *is* rubbish. A problem shared is a problem spread amongst lots of people you don’t need to know about your personal trauma.
I wish our children were born with the inner knowledge about apostrophe use.
Jack has knee envy there.
I keep saying it, but those candles are a fire hazard.
It's a shame Daniel's not quite flexible enough to achieve the lotus position
Why do death camps always involve breaking up big lumps of rock? You never see forced waitressing to death. “You can’t deliver four starters in three minutes, you die”
That was a gallant, if ultimately pointless, escape attempt.
Ewww! Oh, no. I thought that splash was entrails, but it was just a puddle
How could he recognize the planet from the description of a quarry?
These recovered ascension memories are removing the need for a lot of exposition.
What’s with the fancy new Madonna-style microphones?
It’s a magic eight ball!
Poor Chevron Seven Guy isn’t even trusted to do that by himself.
Oh my god, he’s only been back a few weeks and they’ve stuck him in that bloody boonie hat.
Gee Rya'c, look on the bright side why don't you. Give a few words of comfort to a dying old man
“Trade.” My armaments officer gave me a machine gun, what did yours give you?
Well, until everyone notices you just eliminated their guard position.
It must be really hard to sneak with a staff weapon
It’s very rude to hatch a private escape plan with all the others sitting around listening.
Teal’c captured Don’t hold your fire. Fire lots, now!
Of course there isn’t a plan B, there’s rarely a plan A.
Once again SG-1 are putting the die in diversion
Bigger!
How on earth did they manage to ring up there?
That’s a well manicured soldier doing something technical there with that shiny silver thing.
It’s more of a sit in than a rescue at the moment.
Ah, the old pack a Goa'uld ship with C4 plan. Never fails. Well, you can't fault a plan that's been built around SG-1's ability to crash something important
God save us from Teal’c looking pensive.
Thank God for Bra'tac. He'll give Teal'c the kick up the arse that he needs
I hope the Chinese Whisper effect doesn’t kick in, otherwise half the camp will expect a rain of chickens by lunchtime.
I was wondering how long it would take before that extremely subtle conspiring was noticed
For SG-1, that should be a fair assumption at all times.
Well, dying peacefully in your sleep is a much better way, for one. Um, I would have thought that Teal’c may have preferred to die an old man, shot in bed by a jealous husband. Just a thought.
I'm a little worried by a weapon that requires you to close your eyes when you fire it
"Have at them!" That was bit Biggles of Jack there
Flying Jaffa!
Quality headbutting from Teal'c!
Ah, How Teal’c Got His Groove Back. "Beware the groove... Groooove..." Sorry
Bra'tac stealing SG-1’s thunder there.
See, Jack can be funny even when he’s not there.

Revisions

The Eden Project in space
Bit of a Dumb Kent Statement from Daniel there, “It’s not solid”
Hmm, planet with a corrosive atmosphere and a mysterious bubble containing a paradise-like world. Should the bubble fail, there would be no way of surviving. What makes me think that SG-1 are going to run here, instead of wisely saying “You know what? We’ll let SG2 take that one, and we’ll have that nice planet with the trees we saw last week.”
Is there still a shot of Corin on the titles> It went by too quick for me to be sure
Putting SG-1 in cover all suits is a very clever way to allow RDA some extra time off.
The team waits for Jack to be the Intrepid Leader and go through the bubble first.
Good to see that they check if they can come back through before they go anywhere else
They’re not very practical suits for people likely to need to hide from hostile aliens.
Shouldn’t that tricorder thing that Sam is using be damaged by the corrosive atmosphere?
Ah, the synchronised swimming gestures are back.
Evil! Evil! Never trust innocent kids on a safe-looking planet!
Jack behaves like a 12 year old once again
Whose suit is that kid drowning in?
I can't believe Jack gave up is hat
That town looks like Bree on a sunny day.
Whenever anyone says “the Council” in that ominous tone of voice, it’s never good.
There’s always a creepy looking council. Doesn’t any planet have a council that is in chare of rubbish removal and park keepers like we do?
They can download web pages into their heads? Cool! That must be so useful in exams
They get all their knowledge from a mobile phone warehouse?
Why is Jack suddenly from Texas?
It’s amazing how many alien cultures have discovered the napkin
There are fans out there who could answer that question. I'm not sure to be proud or disappointed that I'm not one of them
I love the way that Jack has faced down enemies both human and Goa'uld, but that one child is slowly driving him insane.
They split up? Have SG-1 learned nothing from the past six years?
Look at Daniel itching to try the link interface. Sam's such a spoilsport about these things
SG-1 should have special military issue pyjamas.
Just say yes. In a few weeks time he'll want to be an eel or something, and the explorer thing will be completely forgotten
They seem surprisingly willing to show Sam all of their advanced technology
Now, that's much more of a Daniel research method. Ooh, I love rooms like that, all books and tables and dust. I feel happy in rooms like that.
*Gasp* no need for books?
See that’s the kind of thing that happens whenever I go near a computer.
But it's such a nice bubble... Technically, the Earth is in a bubble too.
This is getting weird. If you're out of the link and out of the dome then you're out of everyone's memory?
Look, the Council is being all repressive and, strangely, amnesiac. Told you they’d be up to no good.
There must be bubble-people who don't want kids. Perhaps they could sell their surplus kid allowance to a more maternal family in exchange for some Highlander DVDs
Sam’s laptop is fantastic, isn’t it? It can just plug into any alien system and deal with their software! I want one like that.
Have they checked that they’re in the right car park? Because it’s easy to look for your car, or MALP, in the wrong one.
Is it getting smaller? I though it was
Is the dome using the link to access their mental energy? No it's just reducing expenditure
Don't trust the freaky child!
Nevin’s father looks too clean to be a gardener.
Oh bless, Daniel’s been tidying up the archive room after himself. Look how neat it is now!
That’ll teach them to leave all their books in a dusty room
Why didn’t they trip over those dead bodies on the way into the dome?
Oh, this is going to be very bad
Why can't my uploads go as smoothly as that? I bet the dome computer didn't have to spend three and a half hours checking that it's links all worked properly
Would shooting the computer now be a bad thing?
The SGC must have a really big store cupboard, full of all these red suits. I bet they've only got two spares, they just have to do a quick strip on the gateroom and send the suits back for the next pair to use
Where exactly do are all these evacuees go? Do SG-1 just sneak them through other Stargates and hope the natives don’t notice?

Lifeboat

That's not the prettiest ship ever. It looks like the back fell off the Enterprise
Ooh, people in pods. This is never good, and always slightly reminiscent of Spinal Tap.
How did the pods protect the people from the crash? Did they have seatbelts?
Hmm, dark spooky corridors, lots of strange looking alien devices, I bet Daniel wanders off by himself.
Look at how everyone responds to the panicked “Jack!”
Being first up, Teal’c has the unenviable job of trying to discover exactly what Daniel has done this time.
Teal’c search Teal’c doesn’t appear to be doing much to help his unconscious friends.
Why is Teal’c whispering? Surely he would be shouting loudly at them?
I like Janet’s hair.
I've always wondered what was on the other side of that ramp
Look at the hammy acting from Michael Shanks there, with his psycho-eyes and the “Nooo! I have to go back!”
Why is Daniel/whoever he is yelling at the mirror? Can he tell it's a two way glass?
That was a very high quality tantrum.
Should Janet be making personal remarks about her patients like that?
Dr Jackson is suffering from some kind of mental illness, *again*
"Enumeration"? Welcome to the world of vocabulary!Teal'c
Poor old Siler appears to have a really nasty injury.
I bet Michael Shanks was having a blast playing the obnoxious ruler personality.
It's probably prettier too
“Could you *be* less specific”, Matisse would get on well with Jack.
I like the engineer personality more than the other one.
He took the dead revelation very well
Never dare Teal'c
General Hammond neatly breaks into the Teal’c/Jack bickering there and stops it before it can escalate.
I wanted him to say that again!
Jack very wisely chooses the job that involves sitting down and doing nothing.
Ooh, I really fancy the engineer voice he’s using. It's just a little bit British, and very, very sexy
It's lucky that 'Daniel' had exactly the right props to hand to explain that concept
Michael Shanks gets to do ‘scared face’ a lot on this episode.
Her? I bet that was a bit of a shock for the poor woman. Why didn't we get to see MS play a woman?
This is Daniel we’re talking about, of course he’d step into the chamber.
Oh good, SG-12, the totally expendable SG team.
That is asking a question, not telling him what you know.
SG-12 don't get a "Good luck"? Just Sam and Teal'c?
He's got his head in her lap and he's asking her what *she's* doing?
Yay! for Janet.
Fancy having thirteen people inside your head. Getting dressed in the morning must be next to impossible. As long as there’s one who doesn’t mind washing up, it usually works out.
Oh, flashing lights *and* smoke, it must be bad.
Even in Daniel’s body that kid is irritating.
They tried to do a Gollum shot there.
As good an actor as Michael Shanks is, it would have been nice if they’d given one of the others this story. We’ve seen him do it before.

Enemy Mine

I want to do whatever that guy is doing. It looks like military pogo.
He was last seen blackmailing Lex Luthor. Was he that cute when he was on 'Smallville'? I don't remember him being that cute. Maybe he was just overshadowed by the proximity of Clark
The Alpha Site Bird Watching Club gets into another jam. Hmm, a lone surveyor on an alien world. What are the chances that he’s be abducted by... oh look, there he goes.
Daniel looks disgusted by that snappy salute, although he does look hot in that bandana.
An off world SG team not trained in search and rescue techniques? What would happen if Daniel was assigned to them for a bit?
So, if he was a bad guy they wouldn't be this enthusiastic
Oh God, look at how annoyed Daniel was about the moved artifacts! Hee, love anal retentive archaeologist!Daniel. You can see him mentally screaming "Context! What about the context!"
I wonder what Daniel's happy place is
Just for once could they not describe the 'something' over the radio?
I love the quiet little “yoke” that Daniel slipped into the colonel’s little derisive spiel there.
Sky are really missing making Buffy puns aren’t they?
Teal’c’s little helper has a side parting. Is that unfortunate or a sign of impeding evil?
Since when did Teal’c develop deductive reasoning skills? Really Teal’c? And there’s me thinking that the Unas were putting up their Christmas decorations early.
Well Lieutenant Ritter will be staying away, so you can’t fault their plan.
Of course you can provoke people if you don't know they're there
Daniel looks to Jack for a military translation there.
Jack struggles for an adjective and gives up.
The mining potential of the area is severely reduced by all the miners being killed by annoyed Unas
Couldn't Daniel have shouted earlier?
I like stoic!Jack, using big words like 'pursue' and 'terrain', whilst holding his arm in place with his other hand
Poor Sam, she has one scene in the whole episode and Jack still manages to belittle her.
Ah, the obligatory 'remove RDA from the episode in a plot-based way' scene
Why is Jack laying on his injured shoulder?
They really need to ask the Asgard to go give that ship a tow back to Earth
Do The Pentagon never learn?
You may choose the human side, general, but I think that the Unas may have a different view.
The Unas need to learn to annunciate properly
Why does Chaka have a trowel?
"Eager to meet Unas of other worlds." I'm not sure that was an answer
Command of fire is nothing to be sniffed at.
Chaka is quite a camp Unas.
Chaka has two trowels! How much weeding does one Unas need to do?
Branches don't just light like that, even if you do have a shiny new toy
Daniel must be quite irritating to have around when you’re trying to perform a ritual.
Daniel settles down to wait, gloomy in the knowledge that he should have brought a book.
Oh, it’s a ceremonial trowel. That’s okay.
Oh, they are never going to leave now
Tranquilized and relocated? That will go well
That’s pretty much my reaction to chocolate as well. Is Daniel trying to undermine human/Unas relations by getting them hooked on chocolate? Maybe it's so they won't need to tranquilise them. They can just lay a trail of Malteasers to the gate
That was supposed to be a ship mime? That was awful. I know what a ship is, and even I'd have been confused by that
I understood that! “Humans don’t relocate Unas, Unas relocate Humans.”
There’s every reason to apologise, you just killed something with no good reason.
Daniel is really having his work cut out for himself explaining to the colonel that aerial pictures won’t show things that are underground.
Colonel Edwards needs to spend some time in the company of people who won't be bullied or ordered around. Well, unfortunately he joined the military. So that's not going to happen any time soon
The Unas are here, and the military have ceded the high ground. The dramatic appearance of the Unas is rather spoiled by the couple of wobbly ones who nearly fall head-first down the slope
Hell, let Edwards stay standing.
It’s a good job that lighter worked, otherwise that present would’ve fallen rather flat.
Lucky Jack wasn't there; all that kneeling is hell on a cartilage injury
Ironshirt is going to be so disappointed when the lighter fluid runs out
Bit of a steep learning curve for the Colonel
‘Danaar’ must mean pretty.

Space Race

Wow, Sam in off duty clothes. That doesn’t happen very often.
Who’s this guy? I don’t think I saw the episode he was in before.
Sam Carter, the other side of 'National Velvet'
Of course Sam would like to participate. She spends most of her life being under appreciated, this time she has the chance of trophy.
Note how Sam only asks for General Hammond’s permission long after she’s worked out the details of the mission.
Jack is going to be really annoyed that he gets struck with the boring stuff and Sam gets to have all the fun.
“What’s a girl to do?” I like seeing Sam like this, it makes a difference from the normal, serious, technical Sam we get every week.
Oh, Alien TV. It makes you give Channel 5 a bit more credit.
Poor Warwick, "Perennial also-ran"
Not a good shot of Sam there, but a good one of Daniel’s arms.
Nice to see them use the term Earthling again
I wonder who controls the remote for the giant floating TV?
That brother is very camp.
Jack’s annoyed he didn’t think of that. Sadly, I think I’d prefer to be going to the diplomatic meeting. Look at Teal’c’s eyes pleading “Please let me stay with all the cool stuff!”
A pity Sam can’t finance the ship with her credit card, but I doubt that this planet takes Mastercard. Plus, she’s probably still paying off the Stargate that her ascending/descending boyfriend built out of toasters.
Ah, this would be the stereotypical bad guy then - black outfit, chauvinistic attitude, facial hair - yeah, this is our villain.
She is also very well trained in hand to hand combat and could tear off your testicles in one move, so I wouldn’t talk to her like that.
Sam is supremely unimpressed by the hulking guy's macho posturing
They need some help with their advertising slogans.
"Anyone ever die?”, is really something you should ask near the beginning.
If major sports stars were in danger of vaporisation, I’d be far more inclined to watch.
I do like these announcers - “Warrick must be disappointed at facing certain death so early in the race...”
A bit of a frying pan and fire situation there. One horrible fire-y death is pretty much like another.
Daniel looks so bored in the back of that shot. Although, he's probably spent the past half hour watching Jack randomly push buttons on the communicator, or occasionally hit it, so you can't blame him
Teal’c always needs a hat, and they’ve given him a doozy this time. He looks like an old fashioned cinema usher, or a singing telegram boy.
They had to get the Murray joke in there. Has Teal'c been Murray before? Of course he's been Murray before. He's always Murray
Mutual trust, and the ability to hack into someone else’s computer. That seems like a dumb philosophy to me.
How do they know there isn't a wandering plant thief combing the building?
And right on cue, here comes the owner of the office they broke into. God, this show has been formulaic recently.
I like Warwick's attitude. "We tried."
Sam uses her “get your arse moving!” tone of voice that she normally saves for missions with SG-1.
They should have left him in the airlock
Oh look, the evil bad guy is a racial purist. I didn’t see that one coming at all. ~
I love the camp alien’s “because you’re a moron” line. That sounded like one that should have been Jack’s.
Even the JackDaniel double act is no match for an obstructionist receptionist.
"Mr Man who has the Stargate." I can see the book now
Hagen looks surprisingly like Christopher Walken.
For a man with such grand plans for sabotaging the race, he really sucks at the actual sabotaging part
Step away from the water Daniel...
Oh, and Jack nearly comically injures himself falling out of a chair... This is why they're never let out on their own
That’s a bit unfair Jack, it’s usually Daniel that gets himself in trouble, not Teal’c.
Getting caught by the good guys isn't much better. Very good advice from Jack there, although if they didn’t get kidnapped so often then there wouldn’t be many episodes.
So it's not because he's a moron? That's a shame, I was rather hoping it was
Who is Daniel calling? Whoever it was, he hung up very quickly when Sam showed up
You can tell that Sam is going to spend the next year coming up with plans for the best space ship so she can win the next race. Sam is going to be trying to get into this race from her retirement home
My video ran out half way through this, but the episode was so bad I don’t really care.

Avenger 2.0

Oh dear, that was a Buffy length, totally unnecessary previously. This doesn’t bode well.
Hooray! It’s the Fringedweller scientists!
Look at the huge laser gun, that looks like a comedy prop.
That perky-voiced blonde is annoying me already.
Chloe shows patience above and beyond the call of co-worker-ship
Evil Lord sounds a lot more impressive.
Oh, you just knew that Jack was just around the corner there.
Jack really is big on those phasers, isn’t he? Although it was nice that the other scientist explained it in terms he could understand.
He could have just plugged it in and flipped a switch, but no, he had to go for the two big cables... Well, he was right. It did go boom
See, this guy is a Fringedweller, he just had a Sam and Josh Calamitous F*** Up resulting in lights going out! Yeah, but we managed to do that just by changing a light-bulb
I like his reassurance that blowing up the the SGC wasn't the weapon's main purpose
That seems a little unfair. SG-1 have messed up plenty of times, and have never been made to take their work elsewhere.
This research would go better if he concentrated on one thing at a time
How much did I love that “We just have to think of something that will change the balance of power in the galaxy by noon tomorrow” line? I thought I had unrealistic deadlines.
How would they be able to use the gates after the virus infected them? I don’t get that.
And Sam’s had some long, lonely nights recently.
Those are some incredibly casual-looking marines
"A little support" and some weights attached to keep his feet on the ground
Where did get his little stargate from? I want one for my fishtank!
Oh god, his trousers are on backwards,
"What about Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c?" "Oh, we don't let those two near any kind of science project, they get bored and start pushing buttons, and then bad things happen.... It's best just to put them on a planet well out of the way."
Let me get this straight, they sent Daniel to a planet where there are earthquakes and severe weather conditions, and Jack to a planet that needs delicate negotiation skills. Does this appear to be a stupid set of decisions to anybody else, given that Jack is not a patient man and Daniel can get himself lost on a planet that isn’t dangerous?
Not very nice ties though. Men should never wear ties with patterned shirts. In facts it's often best to avoid the patterned shirt entirely
More men should make themselves smell nice.
Does every single male on the base have a thing for Sam Carter? I bet somewhere on the base there's a six foot seven marine with a serious crush on Janet
Are they using comedy music just so they don’t have to think up dialogue?
I can't believe perky scientist stormed off without taking the doughnut plate with her
Wouldn’t disabling that gate strand the Tok’ra agent there?
Well, who else would the virus belong to?
Well, it’s Sam’s fault as well.
Sam flinches visibly at the idea of the green/purple colour combination
Why didn’t the Abydos gate automatically update then?
Oh, there just had to be rising floodwaters didn't there?
Ooh the red phone, that can’t be good news.
They crashed the gate system! They really are going to have to reboot the universe now!
It took Joy four hours to cripple a galaxy wide transport system? He must work for Virgin trains
Jack displays his years of military training with the announcement of “I’m taking cover!”
Would mobile work that far underground?
Mum's can always get those kind of numbers
I keep telling people my mistakes make me perfect, but no one believes me.
Michael Shanks’ only shot, and he has to get soaking wet. Aw, look at poor wet!Daniel. I just want to jump him with a big fluffy towel.
Okay, apart from the aftershave she just described Jack.
Is that the bridge Lana fell off?
There seems to be an absence of ducks that Sam is too polite to point out to Felger.
Hah! They said reboot the system!
Look, he’s packing duct tape. That’s what’s attaching my satellite cable to the outside of my house at the moment.
Sensible man, packing sandwiches.
That was restrained of Jack.
I hope they brought a spare lap top battery or two.
I wonder if they have that USB/DHD cable on sale in PCWorld?
But didn’t Butch and Sundance…ah, yes, thank you Sam. Hopefully, the Bolivian Army is the one thing they don't have to worry about on the extremely dangerous, Goa'uld occupied world. Although knowing SG-1's luck there'll be a small Spanish speaking regiment with comedy mustaches appearing over the hill any time now
I really hope that Sam bought a lot of ammunition
That must be Jack to the rescue!
That ringbinder must be digging into her back.
Ah, the now traditional ending dream sequence, although Sam could take that other scientist easily.
Okay, Stargate needs to get some scripts, a plot, maybe some Goa'uld, and then we’ll have a proper episode.

Birthright

Looks like someone else was told as well
Probably not those ones though. Well, that’s one less jaffa that dreams of a life free from the Goa'uld, anyway...
Why are all Amazons beautiful? Why aren’t some of them intelligent, capable, highly trained warriors who also happen to be ugly?
A British Amazon, that’s new.
What does it look like they're doing Daniel? You did the same thing yourself a few years back only with a thermos flask instead of a special little pot thingy
Ooh, SG-1 are famous. This usually doesn’t bode well for them
I thought this was supposed to be a secret meeting?
‘Liberation’ - nice pun Mr. Judge.
It’s funny how the costume department still saw fit to dress all these empowered and enlightened women in tight leather trousers or short skirts.
Daniel has to be home by 9pm on a weekday, otherwise General Hammond starts to worry
That whole removal of the breast thing is just a male invention, no woman would willingly cut her breast off. No, that actually happened. Removing a breast was a sight less painful that having it smacked by a bowstring every time you fired an arrow. It wasn't just good for the archery, it also meant they could have a decent golf swing
Sam is desperately trying to keep a straight face at the thought of the male members of SG-1 being invited to Liberation for their sperm. It's the just-heard "Oh god..." that I like
That’s right T’Pol, guilt them with the images of innocent children. Nicely done.
Daniel, shocked that Jack knows the correct name for anything.
Daniel avoids having to say penis there.
Moloch is so powerful we haven’t seen him before.
Ah, too proud to farm and bake and do all the other things that women do that stop civilisation from collapsing
The male Jaffa are taught that, the women Jaffa are taught they’re worthless.
So Teal’c bravely goes to show them his staff weapon.
How does Teal’c identify his staff weapon among all the others? Does it have his name on it? It's written on the inside in laundry marker
I would have thought that a few years working with Sam would have knocked any lingering sexist ideas out of Teal’c’s head.
I really hope Teal’c gets his ass kicked.
If she takes a step back she's going to trip clean over that cloak she just dropped
That’s it? The fight is over when one person throws tacky Native American-knock offs at another?
Why are all the female Jaffa English?
I love the undomesticated equines line. Ah, the rest of the women decided to keep Daniel for another few days. Well, wouldn't you?
She meant your wife Teal'c. Remember, the one who changed into a different person and you set on fire?
"She's dead" as are all the women Teal'c has slept with
Teal'c sounds like he enjoyed the fierce part more
Quick Sam, backpedal...
Why are people telling random strangers intimate secrets about themselves? Teal’c and T’Pol, Sam and the British Amazon, they’re all at it.
No, no, no, no, no. For crying out loud. Why ruin a perfectly good story of female empowerment by portraying both these women’s motivations and goals as a desperate struggle to find and keep a man? They’ve got a nice little colony going there. All they need is cable and Dairy Milk and I’d join them.
It's odd that a culture like that would kill the man and not the woman in that situation
Don’t those kids get tired of blind man’s buff?
But he’s just going to sit there and be annoying if you don’t.
Aw, Daniel’s being all sweet.
Symbiotes rarely need the screw replacing at inopportune moments, and you can always find them in the middle of the night without having to turn a light on first
It’s hard to take a romantic scene with Teal’c seriously, his head reflects all available light.
Teal’c’s never seemed that cut up about the wife.
No, no, no, no, no. *Again*
Having a staff weapon in your face is not a good way to wake up.
She wants someone to listen to her story, and damn it, if it takes a staff weapon so be it.
Daniel really has no idea what just happened then
That's just the coolest aquarium ever
They’re going against her express wishes and re-implanting the symbiote?
I thought that they had to sparing with the tritonin, because they didn't have a lot of it?
Is this the first time we've seen horses on an alien planet?
Well, she kind of deserved that.
Yeah, a choice she obviously couldn’t make without the strong and guiding hand of a man.
Wow, this is a quality guilt trip
Jack is dying to offer to father a few Amazons, you can tell.
"What the hell's going on?" thinks Jack, "Why is Teal'c's getting all the good sex these days?"
Apart from the fact this episode makes me sound like Germaine Greer, it was pretty good. What did I tell you? Plot, scripts and a Goa’uld.

Evolution pt I

“This meeting didn’t go well” Gee, ya think? I don’t know, looks like the average fallout of a department meeting to me.
That First Prime is quite nice.
Oooh, Cyborg! Goa’uld. That warrior looks like the replacement Kryten.
Don't just stand there looking stunned! Run!
Keep shooting it! It might not be dead!
Just in case the indestructible super soldier isn't really dead, they've secured him to the stretcher with three bits of electrical tape
Should we know who Remius and Tilgath are?
Sam decides not to poke the super soldier without adult supervision
The impenetrable armour seems necessary, judging by the size of that codpiece he's got a lot to protect
Why isn’t Sam’s dad all gloved up?
Is anyone else expecting Aphopis to be under there? My god, it's Darth Vader under that armour
Since when is Sam a doctor anyway? Where’s Janet?
It’s a bit of a coincidence that Daniel’s grandfather was looking for the same thing that they are. Nick's grandfather really ran the gamut of archaeological lunacy
We all know Chaak isn’t the God of Rain. Will is the God of Rain
How did Daniel’s grandfather have enough time to search for the fountain of youth and the giant aliens?
Well, that narrows it down...
Does that mean we get Daniel in desert fatigues?
Can they just send people into Honduras to potentially remove an artefact? Isn’t that illegal? What's the political climate like in Honduras anyway? Are they going to be receptive to a minor Air Force incursion?
“20 miles outside Honduras” That’s a very specific geographical placement for such a generic Latin American set.
Daniel wisely leaves Dr Lee to be fleeched by the central American hustler
Daniel’s backpack is bigger than he is.
Mmmm, casual and hirsute! Daniel.
That guy said “temples” like he was offering prostitutes and drugs.
And that was as hardball as Daniel gets, isn’t it, threatening to go elsewhere.
It took long enough to see Jack!
That mannequin is scarier than the actual Goa’uld.
They feel horribly embarrassed and come home?
I doubt very much if Jack has made notes.
I bet they're filming this in a six foot square greenhouse
I like sweaty bandana!Daniel. It’s my second favourite, after wet!Daniel.
That big hole in the ground should do. I love the little ”Found it!” from the comedy archaeologist. That would have been Daniel in season one.
Jack's utter lack of faith in plan A is really sweet
Should they not have rigged a ladder or something to make sure they can get out?
Surely archaeologists should be used to small, stuffy places.
Ah, I knew Jack wouldn't be happy with the unimpressive little tranq gun for long
Duck you fools! Professional soldiers both human and alien, and nobody bloody ducks!
So much for plans B, C and D
And plan F
I’m not sure “surrender” was what Jack had in mind for plan B.
Who needs writing. Just go round and bang on all the walls until you hit the secret switch
That looks impressive Daniel, but that could just be shoddy Maya building. Or subsidence.
Jack actually tried to use the Vulcan hand gesture there.
He's not seeing the irony is he?
Jack always mocks his captors. It makes me wonder why nobody has shot him yet
What would Daniel and the comedy archaeologist have done if the Fountain of Youth machine weighed ten tons?
Daniel has a Raiders of the Lost Arc moment.
Daniel and his clever “all water runs to it” theory should’ve considered this possibility.
Well Jack wasn’t worried, but he is now.
Wet!Daniel! My favourite kind! Casual, hirsute, and wet!Daniel. Yay!
No, but the stereotypical Latin American guerrillas probably are intending to steal it.
Look at those arms! Casual, hirsute, wet and sleeveless!Daniel. They really are doing Daniel’s Greatest Hits today. Did the bandits strip Daniel's shirt off for any reason other than to give us all a cheap thrill? Not that I'm complaining about the cheap thrill aspect you understand
Well Daniel’s luck seems to be running to form.
Daniel taking the death threat with all the aplomb of someone who knows his name is on the titles. The incidental scientist however, looks terrified
Is it wrong to feel sorry for the super soldier?
That soldier thing is actually really creepy
The Tok’ra can actually read minds? Since when?
"Have been kidnapped..." Note the utter lack of surprise on the faces of SG-1

on to episodes 12-22

Stargate Index