highlander1

Thanks to the wisdom of Central Television (they don't exist any more so I can be as mean as I like) Season One aired in a different order every time I saw it. I tried to get production numbers and work out what order the episodes should have run in, but this didn't match with the broadcast order given in most episode guides, and the Watcher's Guide (which cannot be disagreed with). So, in the spirit of compromise, I've listed the episodes in their usual order and given the production numbers in brackets. In all the other seasons the production order and broadcast order is the same.

The Gathering (92102)

That really is fake hair And a strange fake American accent
Now whatever you do Richie, don't knock over that piece of wood
The best way to secure a sash window against break ins is to stick a nail through the moving part of the frame
Condoms on the nightstand, sword under the bed. One way or another immortals like safe sex
And I'm Richie Ryan of the Scared Shitless Street Gang
"I am Slan Quince, and I've come for your head" (clang as he hits a statue) well, you missed
Yay! Connor
How many people just broke into Mac's place? MacLeod's alarm system really sucks
Yes different vintage, when the clan MacLeod made (well, adopted) them better and brighter
That's the third set of windows and still no alarm
No he didn't see a guy in a bat costume and a long cape, he didn't stay long enough for that
Mac pulls out all the stops and has a good long menace at Richie
Oh yeah, you'd really have a window next to your shower, how the hell would you clean it? Look, you can see the smears
Soon she gets to have a toy boy
Even if he did leave her when she's old, she'd still have had twenty odd years of fantastic sex, and have amassed a small fortune from the antiques he's given her. So she could end up a rich and eccentric old lady. Sounds like a plan
It's Humpty Dumpty who celebrates un-birthdays, not the Mad Hatter, or the March Hare
Third rule of Highlander, after 1) we don't do accents well and 2) we don't do wigs well, is 3) traffic violations are a sign of ingrained evil
Mac looks like a pirate, all he needs is a parrot, although he has Tessa I suppose
CL takes the opportunity to play silly buggers before Adrian gets good. You can tell AP isn't that good yet by the way he keeps twirling his sword (no sniggering at the back there...)
She really has been kept in the dark hasn't she? I'd be a lot more pissed than she is about not being told all this
Who could imagine this? Well...
Yes, but he's a man, they never listen, especially when they're old, and he's had 400 years of not listening to women
No, because he didn't tell her
His cabin may be on holy ground, but he could be beheaded on his way back from the shops
Does Richie just stake out old warehouses for fun?
Erm, Richie... can you open the car boot from the inside?
She really is very shrill when she's angry
The sword is threatening, but the mackintosh isn't threatening at all
Love the sound when Mac hits Slan
Note the Moment Of Searing Eye Contact TM
Let that be a lesson to you, park somewhere safe and walk to your fight scene
This isn't me talking to you, I'm just a dream...
That intensive medical training obviously paid off
Stupid woman, what if it had been Slan when she rushed to the door?
Of course he went to his cabin, it meant they could use the same establishing shot twice
Yes, he could stay, but it would mean that they couldn't have the noisy sex that they were planning

Family Tree (92106)

She must be rich, but yet her hair is awful. You'd think that she could pay someone to tame it.
Nice try Richie, it's a shame no one's buying it
That's a very shoddy wall.
"Maybe they don't know" That's nice foreshadowing for season two if you know what you're listening for
Save the strength for what? More of the crappy accent?
Insert rant from VR-5, 'Send Me An Angel'
Maybe if Mac isn't his son, he will escape the awful beard that extends horizontally outwards.
"A zombie in a kilt" Richie appears to have got to know Mac quite well in the two weeks he's been around him
Mac has a little Indian story! A real one!
Richie was easy to please as a child, or American post offices are fascinating places to visit.
And nobody thought to tell him to stop kicking his prone mother?
Chess as a contact sport eh? You should try Mah Jongg
The nasty man from the casino is very easy to please, by the sound of it. And also a soon-to-be 'Stargate' director
"It's Wednesday." Yeah, 'Stargate' night.
Does anybody ever wonder what happened to Mr. Gustavson? Maybe Mr Gustavson didn't pay his alimony
Well, he can't eat it all at once
"Thinking" "No" oh, huge surprise there
'Cause Jack Ryan's fictional. And he isn't?
Some crick in the neck he must have there
"Break something that's worth more..." I've worked with competition horses and if something had happened to one of them I would have had to die in an accident and use my life insurance to pay for them
I hope it's only Richie's favourite because it's solid gold, I really don't think it's that pretty
Mac is distracted by the prospect of sex. Bless him, but you can lead him anywhere by his balls
Richie doesn't have a couple of hundred years
Mac grins the grin of a man with not only the upper hand, but a big stick too
It's quite impressive, considering the format, that they do an immortal-free show this early in the season
'Baby-Replacements-R-Us! Left yours somewhere? Can't remember? Call...'
What is he doing under that bonnet and should he be doing it whilst the engine's running?

The Road Not Taken (92108)

Innocent Man (92103)

What is this thing with women and rear-view mirrors? Most of us do actually use them to look out the back of the car
That's a really vile noise the guy makes when he breathes in the clean country air and a couple of gnats
This is the bizarre American Gothic-y episode with the small-town sheriff and the guy called Lucas
Yankee Doodle Dandy, 'put a feather in his cap and called it macaroni'. Why? As far as I'm concerned macaroni is pasta
You never pick up the murder weapon, does nobody ever watch TV?
Richie's not bored, he's avoiding work, you can never be bored whilst avoiding
I look at Richie in the vest with the nice arms, the grin and the attitude and I don't fancy him at all. I feel I'm missing out somehow
As Tessa starts to worry about Mac and Richie's relationship
Eels rarely harm fleas, but then they don't often get the chance, "wolf and the turtle, natural enemies"
Don't put words in other people's mouths, you never know if they're the right ones
One day, vows MacLeod, I'll be the one on the horse...
Lightning from a clear sky, we used to get quite a bit of that in Lincolnshire
Let's be fair, she's not that much prettier than Mac
"Anyone starts playing the banjo I'm outta here" classic line, although if do wonder if Richie has naturally evolved banjo fear or is he just referencing 'Deliverance'
He got his head chopped off, you already knew that
The waitress had been looking for an opportunity to try something like that for ages, trust me on this
If the sticks are the place before the boonies, then is there a sticks hat as well as a boonies hat, and what the hell does it look like?
I thought the hangman's knot always went behind the left ear
Those paper bags on the heads of the rednecks aren't the most advanced disguises ever.
If the show is set in Washington or Northern Oregon, then why do all the townsfolk sound like they come from Hazzard County, Georgia?
The guy was a Sheriff, this is one body Mac really ought to hide
Mac fritters away his money left, right and centre but I don't think I've ever seen him sell anything
Hey, it's the second half of 'Princes Of The Universe' on the titles this week

Free Fall (92101)

Quite neat that Richie switches the background music off
She is wearing that dress, so she can't be that alright
It happens to Mac frequently
What was that big round tower sticking up out of the skyline?
Do you think if you walked down those steps and said "Porsche 911 please" they'd bring it to you?
"Vicissitudes," that's a long word
Oh honestly Tessa
Cartography has never been so sexy... Although she could have got that information from reading the little plaque at the bottom of the frame
Always nice to see a chase between two women in crinoline skirts
In about a minute and a half, he's going to do anything for you...
So that's what the 'H' stands for
You'd have thought with the knife he'd manage to cut it out
"Let it go" because you're just a big wuss with lots and lots of girly hair
She obviously got to the French guy's t-shirt first
Eww. Yeah, he was sweating like that earlier. He could take the manky t-shirt off and then he can sweat all he likes
That's bollocks
"Far from stupid" (insert choking noise as Tobin tries to laugh whilst eating Chicken Kiev, Diminuendo taking notes)
"Day you die" which will be in about 20 minutes time
Much as I love him, but get Richie by the balls and you can lead him anywhere
All that and she still can't get that tin open..
Lots of editing to disguise the fact that neither of then know what they're doing

Bad Day In Building A (92107)

Two jokes in two minutes, Mac's on quite good form in this episode
You always get suspicious when you see a well organised painting and decorating crew
He sensibly locks his child in a storage closet for the day
At this point I would have thought "hmm, chocolate cake" and gone to find some
Ahhh! It's chevron seven guy! "Chevron seven engaged your Honour, oh sh..."
In an emergency never take the lift.
"No unusual activity" apart from people in black running backwards and forwards
They're gonna kill chevron seven guy, although at least it gives him some lines
'Now,' thinks the henchman, 'where am I going to find a big block of ice?'
Well, I'd hate to think he was shooting him for any personal reasons
'Damn' thinks MacLeod, 'I have to go back to the French bitch, she knows I'm immortal'
What about 4? And 1?
I really like that bit the woman journalist says on the steps
Where's the blood?
Drusilla in waiting, I'm telling you
Mac's reminded why he's glad immortals can't have children
Hideous toilets. Very shabby doors too
Go on, milk that death scene.
They've got that stairway covered well. Unless someone has a Indiana Jones boulder, in which case, they're all screwed
The woman with the impenetrable accent is the one to call for help
"Smell them" they really should do something about that
How much jewelry is Richie actually wearing?
"I will say this only once..."
"What were they like?" tall and stone, duh...
And some of them went to Vancouver and pretended they were in Seattle
MacLeod is very confused, talking about fairies and putting people in and out of closets. He's very conflicted. It's when he pulls another guy into a closet with him that we start to worry
Richie follows rule three, always mess with their minds
It's impressive, they've actually found a villain who's dumber than the hero
Ah, the conspiracy hat

Mountain Men (92110)

None of them can just say straight out where they're going, always got to be with the cryptic
Yes, they would be playing banjos if they had opposable thumbs
Big porch. Like the railings though
"A little worried..." aren't we all
Some nice obvious tracks
Getting back to nature, taking his jacket off
There was one bounce too many there
So why is he having this flashback? Because they were ten minutes short on the episode?
What's "respict"?
I would have given him another name. Just out of sheer bloody mindedness. I'd have made him call me Billy-Bob the entire time
In which case they must be really lacking
There's an offer you're not going to turn down, "venison jerky?"
At this point I'd get my throat slit by screaming "I'm nobody's bloody property thank you." Oh, there's something to be said for staying there and pitting them all against each other
I would have made a crack about compensating for something with that knife. Again, not surviving very long
Apart from the things they have to steal from Big John
Oh there always bloody is, men can't take responsibility for their own f***-ups, always have to blame it on a woman
They may be kings, but none of them are Christian Slater
You'd win me over most with a decent hot bath and a reliable supply of electricity
Sticking MacLeod where the sun doesn't shine...
It's a sword you dumb bastard
That's really gross
I'm sure Mac could have overpowered the two of them, why does he feel the need to chuck himself down a ravine?
Auditioning for 'Baywatch', or a Pantene advert. 'It works for wigs too!'
She's got a lot of faith that MacLeod's actually going to come and get her back, because it's an easy way to break up with someone
He's been jumped by a semi-naked man which he really wasn't expecting, and tied up to be laughed at by sheriffs
MacLeods In The Mist
Not if the woman has any say in it
He just didn't want the sheriff to see that the guy had been decapitated
That's a come on if ever I've heard one. It's the hair that's confusing them

Deadly Medicine (92111)

The cats in the background are howling with despair, this is such a poor episode...
You can tell the poor episodes as I haven't bothered to get decent copies of them
Oh good shot!
Weighing ambition and sense of adventure against his overdraft...
So they're leaving the near-death patient completely alone?
His jacket survived well
Just checks for his sword, "Damn I left it in my other trousers"
Lost in the Daniel sense of the word
It's difficult to diagnose a patient who's left the building
Completely unrequested description
"This is a hospital" which is why they're there
"I must know more about this man" he says, rapidly unbuttoning Mac's shirt... Subtext rapidly becoming text. And it just gets better...
You'd hope paramedics would be really
Vaguely menacing flamenco music. Flamenco music is always menacing.
No, he won't be there, he's going home to the man strapped to a gurney in his basement
Oh, that sounds safe at that time of night
"Alive" you knew that when you spoke on the phone
Is there anyone out there who hates a challenge?
I want a graphics programme that can do that
How does he know it's an omicron and not just an O? Mac just assumes everyone else is as pretentious as he is
One? How likely is that
But it's a needle. And more to the point you're playing awful music for me to die to...
Not as interesting as MacLeod? Poor girl!

The Sea Witch (92112)

This is possibly the first episode where, well it's not actually, good, but you think that if they put their minds to it, it could be. refute that, 'Bad Day In Building A' was pretty good, it didn't have an immortal in it, but it was good
That's a horrible jacket, what is this, country-and-western!Richie?
Richie walking into trouble in his own fine tradition
So, he's not immortal yet? No. Just stupid.
Richie's got a bad habit of following complete strangers.
Richie's timing as sharp as always
Lived, he's dead remember
"Gonna kill me all over again" Actually, he could. In fact, he does
Hey, that's really good glass for a slum
All through Mac's portion of the fight you can hear Richie banging the other guy's face off a wall. They brought in the slightly sick sound effects earlier than you think on this show
That's it, try and blackmail the armed guy. Thing is, I'd try and give him the right number...
Love that, "like roadkill with attitude"
Oh yeah, she's done such a sterling job of it so far.
She's four! How much hard drugs is she going to be buying? Depends if it's recreational use only or if she's looking to supply her kindergarten.
If there are any alligators in the sewers they're going to be very happy
That's going to clog his drain. My that icing sugar looked realistic.
Actually it's Mac that's rich
Has Richie ever shown any signs of being able to play the drums?
"Tall, dark..." ruggedly handsome...
Dinosaur. Tobin showing the instant animal identification skills of a four year old. Yay! In fact it's a stegosaurus. I can't quite convey how smug Tobin sounds about knowing that fact
I'm sorry, I'm usually against Tessa, but I really don't like Nicki.
He's trying to torture her by giving her a bizarre Indian cranial massage is he?
Well, she'll be dead and won't have a problem with anything
You bleed on that rug, honestly, that's so much money...
Despite the warning, the guy really didn't prepare for the sword
Mac, walking, talking voicemail. "How may I direct your call."
Mac puts two and two together, subtracts three and discovers that there must have been a Sea Witch before
Scary hat! Scary, scary accent
Why MacLeod has a Russian accent is completely beyond me
That was a rather lingering kiss.
He shouldn't be allowed out unaccompanied in Russia, not with that accent, it's just not safe.
Wow, Alexi was on hold for ages whilst MacLeod was tripping over the pavement on memory lane
There's an easy way?
Okay, Tessa really not answering the question there
Is that a ploy, chuck the dice on the floor and hope Mac puts his foot on them?
Tessa doesn't have to leave him, she can adopt a few if it bothers her
Well we've seen you call in the KGB, but it's a bit of a long trip for them, the time travel is especially difficult
That's some shoddy deskmanship. Ha! After chopping it in half he then has to carefully climb over the bits.
Really not wasting the maritime setting are they?
Eewww.
That quickening took a long time to arrive
That's it, you just tread on the blade of your extremely expensive, cherished Japanese katana
"So long..." thanks for all the fish?
Does he chuck swords away there often? What happens if they dredge the dock?
Ah, the sensitive hair extensions

Revenge Is Sweet (92109)

This episode sucks on levels you can't even begin to imagine. And I was living in Wales when I recorded it. Two completely unrelated facts
He fell out from that building a long way then
Is that a transvestite or a very ugly woman? She's a woman
Quick! A woman in distress! Oh, no, okay, you can go back inside.
Aren't all swords supposed to be sharp on the edges?
Otherwise you'll just feel really stupid standing there. Damn, I knew I left something behind...
Very, very subtle checking out of MacLeod's backside then
Smart suit, scary tie
Is she maligning his technique there?
He's fencing in slacks, how much more adventurous can you be?
She's only good when she wants to be? What kind of line is that for a witty riposte?
I'm hypnotising you... Look at the shiny sword...
He can't be threatening in that wig! He's got powdered curls for gods sake! Particularly impressive because usually Mac's wigs alone are pretty terrifying
It takes three of them to move a lump of polystyrene?
What is it? A monument to doughnuts? It's a really big Cheerio
Do policemen still wear fedoras?
No, but it's a dead body, she'd be kind of shocked.
Professional? Why don't you interrogate the nearest chef?
Oh, she's Rebecca now is she?
That's not where the heart is
Monopoly to the death. Playing Ludo without protective padding. First one to get repetitive strain injury from rolling the dice loses
Really not a touch typist is he?
She's never sold a piece of work before.
He might need a shave but he's really quite clean
I think I must be a natural pedestrian too
If anything, her underwear's even less revealing than her actual clothes
Well done Richie! "All in writing"
So they're going to get back into the car that won't go?
Mac and quick thinking? I'm really having trouble dealing with those two in my head.
He's yelling at her because he thinks she didn't do it?
And the fact that she won't change her mind makes her fickle?
The scarf is a nice rakish touch.
And he runs to the most dramatically impressive spot to get the quickening
And doesn't she feel like a fool. "I was a fool." See
Not sure if that's a compliment or an insult actually.

See No Evil (92114)

No that's right, don't tell him who the people actually are, he could be sending anyone up there
Ooh, menacing boots.
"Tessa?" No, she's too chic to wear wellies. Only just. Oh come on, no French woman would be seen dead in wellies. I mean, there's the whole historical thing for a start. They'd have to be nappies instead... Oh yeah, there's the history joke, right there
Is she being attacked by a WWI ace? The Red Baron?
The Red Baron Guy is going quite fast in those boots, that's not easy
It's fedora guy. Solving crime, big hat, is he worshiping according to his own beliefs? (For a change, the 'West Wing' fans actually got that one...)
Well, that's one answer
Well done Mac! "Give me a quote"
He's got a bun! You know, I don't think we're meant to see that
Bad immortal Marcus takes the opportunity to die like Polonius in spats
Tessa needn't worry, I don't think she's natural.
Seven years after the war Mac.
Repetition, fifteen love, assuming it's her serve
Maybe he should be out there but he should put some clothes on first
I mean, when you see someone who looks like that can't you just tell that they're some kind of serial axe murderer and lock them up before they do anything wrong. That's what they call a fascist society Di. "The number of people I have to ask before I can do whatever the hell I want. You know, there's really a lot to be said for fascism..." Thank you Josh ...
Do you see any rods?
Copycat sticking to the same pattern? Duncan MacLeod, criminal psychologist...
How long does buying a knife take? Actually Somn and I were trying to buy spoons one time, and it took forever.
That's got to be one of the creepiest questions you could ever be asked
It wasn't that Richie got busted, it's more that he got sponsored, The Clan MacLeod- Sponsor A Waif Inc.
I do love the really big bandage where she's been scalped. It's got to be one of the most subtle bits of first aid I've ever seen
I don't care how emotionally deranged he is, he should be able to tell that's not real blonde
"Motorcycle..." because for a moment there she had the weirdest mental image...
Love the way the framing of the shot chops off the top of her head. The cinematographer finishes what the madman started
Don't men's eyes usually drift down from the face? In my experience yes
Have a fringe woman, and its not like you can't afford plastic surgery anyway
Bad Richie, naughty Richie.
Everything, except apparently who killed him, why, and presumably the fact that he was immortal
How upset can you be about someone pulling your wig off? Tobin pulled my actual hair yesterday, in public and I wasn't that upset. I was provoked!
Richie's a blond, anyone considered that the guy might go after him?
She's fine, ask the guy she ran over.
Seemed a fairly sensible course of action, all she needs to do now is back over him a few times...
Hat like that, I think I'd rather have the scar. She like a pirate, a rather jaunty pirate.
I can't tell which of those two looks more stupid. The pink shirt isn't helping his manly, rugged exterior much is it?
She's going across the city, what's Tessa making a fuss about

Eyewitness (92115)

Band Of Brothers (92118)

Strange how in this season they assume we'll recognise Paris and don't give us an explanatory subtitle, but in season three they even have to tell us what country it's in. Are they expecting three years of Highlander watching to have leached the knowledge from our brains?
Grayson's sexy, I like Grayson, and he has a point there
Richie wants to keep his job
Are the rune tablets numbered? Because Mac could have them in the wrong order, it could be a bizarre runic Haiku, The traveling headsman/ Waters his horse downstream in the river/ But the well is dry
Hiding in a cabin in the mountains where no one can help you? Good strategy
That snow must have gotten all nice and compact with Adrian jumping on it, good and slippery too...
Un-dark quickening
Oldest at the time? Pre-Methos? Although this is both season one and hearsay, so we can probably ignore it, and I think they do in 'Shadow Of Obsession'
Waterloo flashback! First of many, many, many appearances. There are members of my family I haven't seen as many times as this flashback
Very subtle message from Grayson
Ahh, the giveaway T-bird
Hooray for Peter Diamond, stunt co-ordinator, sword master and actor. The first of the guest stars who really knows how to use a sword
Don't worry Richie, there's a MacDonald's in Paris
They make you drink a glass of water from the seine, and after that frogs and snails (and puppy dog tails) aren't a problem
These sulphur mountains make such a cool set
Love Grayson's wibbly sword
Comedy sound effect! Wonderful thump as Grayson's head hits damp sulphur

For Evil's Sake (92117)

Death by mime! But honestly, how many homicidal mimes can there be in one city?
We must be in Paris, Mac is carrying the obligatory baguette
Kuyler, the original Joey from 'Bread, and the director of 'Sliding Doors'. Greetings!
Does Le Brun ever get a match?
My guide book says 1330, so there
Why does Mac have three copies of the Yellow Pages, and are they Yellow Pages in France?
Those mannequins are really creepy
Don't the teach French policemen to take cover when someone tries to shoot them?
Eewww! That absinth is grim, it looks like snot in a glass
Kuyler uses his threatening eyeball look on the poor shop owner
He's far, far too smug about his book

For Tomorrow We Die (92116)

80's pop bites back!
That was quick
Sucker!
How does the guard expect Xavier to get out after he's closed the security gate?
He cant be entirely evil, he took his hat off in church
Does Mac every actually have anything to confess?
And Tessa's doing what with that clay exactly?
"You look just like him" Mac gets that a lot
Where does Richie sleep? Is there another bedroom at the back?
Richie must have been pulling out all the stops, I would have said she was out of his league
Oh poor, Richie! I refuse to believe that are actually people out there who are that totally, totally oblivious
Ah, there we go, she is out of his league
Love the forbidding, funereal music that runs over "so when are you going to tell him?"
French people are allowed to smoke without being inherently evil, as is anyone before 1950
No Richie, it's what her ring finger says, or what the French equivalent of a registrars' office says. Tessa just happened to know too
Subtle differences again, between was married and am married
Richie love, it's Renee who's putting you on. Just because you like her it doesn't make her a saint
Oh that's classy, he's dressed up in a tux to dump her
Mac looks like he's been through the wash and just missed out on the spin-dry cycle

The Beast Below (92123)

Stroppy cow
Are those really big pitchforks ever used for anything apart from peasant-y (and in this case really ineffectual) weapons?
Metro, not subway
A man of taste then, although I'm still at a loss as to which of those two he sees in evil singing woman
He needs a Paris vampire as a guide. Perhaps Angel could start, "Alternative LA Tours- a side of the city you never knew was there"
The wind-chimes of impending doom...
What a lovely little knife
"Oh how terrible" could she sound any more false?
It must be Inspector Le Brun's week off, they've got in a much younger and more dashing gendarme (are the French equivalent of CID still called gendarmes?)
Why is he so upset about Ursa hitting the ground? It's not like it's going to cause him any permanent damage. He seems less worried when singing woman gets knocked down by the car, and that's permanent. Although she was really annoying

Saving Grace (92120)

That's twice as long as she's lived! My mathematical brain working there.
That's a mad scientist's haircut if ever I've seen one. Never mind though, because he's dead now.
Especially if they were all clapping him when he walked down a corridor.
Anyone else who saw him standing behind them would have gone "Aaagh!" and recoiled.
I can understand why all MacLeod's immortal friends never bother remembering his girlfriends names because they never last that long.
I can't make out with you now, there's a woman in the shower.
Well, there's a woman in the shower but I'm not sure that she counts as company.
I know she's giving birth and all but she's acting very nonchalant for someone who has perfect stranger gazing at bits that that a perfect stranger shouldn't see. I would imagine that by the time you've given birth a lot of perfect strangers have seen bits of you that they really shouldn't have.
That's a very clean baby.
They're playing a Scottish funeral song at a birth.
Really, I'm thinking no, MacLeod isn't wondering about that at all.
Hours, more like. Any less time than that and it becomes less than flattering.
What is it with women that can borrow clothes from each other? All Diminuendo and I can borrow off each other is socks, but then they're all like stick insects, all that matters is the length. That's what they tell MacLeod, anyway...
It's Inspector LeBrun! I like Inspector LeBrun. He once spent a whole episode looking for a match.
There's only so far the long way around is on a barge.
You've got to admire a man that can piss off the police on two continents.
Ooh, nasty, impressive sideburns. Snap! Matching pairs! It's a sideburn standoff.
That's a very well insulated baby. It's in case the extra drops it. Boiiing! I've always wondered why we have the phrase "bouncing baby". Did people do experiments to find this out? Do girls bounce higher than boys?
Has he met any women that he hasn't slept with? That's the problem with being a woman; if you're young or bored or just insecure you fall for that charming dumb knight-errant crap. Well, if he offered and you had nothing better to do...Well, you wouldn't kick him. God no, you might break a toe! You might give him a nudge and tell him to move over. There's ten in the bed and the little one said "Roll over! roll over!"
Mac successfully leading Richie away from a life of crime...
I successfully refused to acknowledge the double entendre there.
So says Tessa secure in the knowledge that she's the only woman that MacLeod is sleeping with.
Their love isn't immortal, he's just persistent and annoying.
That's just an over-sized chef's knife. Is the chef or the knife over-sized?
Except my friends when they're trying to cross the road. MacLeod's dress sense isn't going to help him survive. I'm not sure about survival but, it won't help him procreate in the near future. Drivers will aim at him to make him a uniform red colour. The shirt isn't really an incentive to brake. Scraped him off the tarmac like a dollop of strawberry jam, and he ain't gonna cross no more...
Temper, temper.
MacLeod shakes his head and waits for the brain damage to subside. Brain subsidence. Can you get underpinning for that
Ooh! Train! That's in an "ooh, he may get decapitated by one" sense, not an "ooh, there's a train" one

The Lady And The Tiger (92121)

That was a really low high kick
How did he get out of that? He's an escapologist. So they only thought to put one guard in with the escapologist? I don't think they know he's an escapologist. See how many times you have to type escapologist. Four, and I did it right EVERY TIME!
Do they put petrol in those cars? Otherwise he'll make a very dramatic escape to sit in the middle of the road with his hazard lights on.
I've got a friend who can fire-breathe. Don't invite her to many parties, except the outdoors ones.
Why does she get the swish then?
Super edit with the fire breathing
"Park it round the back, don't play with the stereo..."
You can always tell when breasts are in a push-up bra, because if you have large breasts and you lie down, they end up in your armpits
That is possibly the greatest comedy moustache in the history of the world. The comedy department have had that for ages and have never been able to find someone stupid enough to wear it.
I love the wigs in this, it's like Slade, starring in 'Pride And Prejudice'
Love his gleeful little "uh oh"
When she left him for Nicholas Lea, and you know, who can blame her...
"Escaped..." no I'm just a dream...
Ah, so they just sent the one guard with the crazed escapologist then?
Big guy, pony tail, dumb as a post, can't miss him
Yeah, you know that cruel sadistic bastard who was never in Britain for more than nine months of his reign?
She does this every time, and he never learns
That's a good picture. Yeah, because Tessa can't usually draw. Which is why she sticks with big lumps of iron.
An effigy?
Otherwise, when you're asleep, I'll take two bricks, and your balls, and you'll be so sorry...
He's got a great nose
If he's so knowledgeable about his swords, how come he has to ask the shopkeeper which one's the real Toledo blade?
Athletic
Zachary looks like he's escaped from 'Miami Vice'.
Is there ever such a thing as a happy camper? Surely camping is an inherently miserable experience?
Did they just..? Did they actually say that?
It's never a good idea to attack a martial arts specialist, especially when he's wearing shoes. Ah, but they're prepared, they have a really big net
That's it, untie and give him a horse, that's not going to help him escape at all...
How does the quickening know which immortal to go to?
Adrian gets yanked out of the way by the director before the firework goes off underneath him

Eye Of The Beholder (92124)

Oh I can't stand her already.
Ivan the Great? Notice he doesn't say Ivan the Great of where. There's an Ivan the Terrible and a Peter the Great
She's a model, of course she isn't going to understand
Killed by a knitting needle.
Richie gets caught out by a metaphor. And she gets a really big bowl of shellfish out of it
I wonder if they got a discount on the FYC music?
Someone's attacked that woman with pieces of tissue paper. She looks like she's been mugged with a peony
Not specifically Nigel Terry, because it applies to Phillipe Bernard-Salles as well, but I really like young-looking guys with grey hair. It's like they're distinguished, but not old and crinkly yet. No, it's just too freaky.
"Satisfied" that's what he thinks anyway.
He wants to make women happy, so he becomes a fashion designer, a professional guaranteed to make most of the women in the world miserable. He only wants to make beautiful women happy, the rest of us can go swing
Do you really think it's wise to steal from a woman with her own private army?
If nothing else, the one thing you remember about this episode is the awful yellow suit Mac wears in the flashback. There is no excuse at all for this kind of thing
No, they don't want him back...
Fashion monger? Like fishmonger?
So she got his second name out of him at some point?
I'd be worried of Mac found something for himself at a ladies fashion show, would have thought Tessa would be as well.
"Why would he lie?" again, that model brain at work
It's an ugly earring.
That's it Richie, you give him ideas
Don't play with matches!
Richie's from the old school of dealing with people he doesn't like.
The family could pass MacLeod down through the women like an heirloom. Be a really great eighteenth birthday present.
It's the noises Richie makes. Super sound effects
Hopefully you'd run before he got up again
So, Richie's clever enough to rob a gendarme, but not clever enough to know not to go alone into an immortal's stronghold where he's going to get his arse kicked?
He's not at all embarrassed to be waving his arms around like a complete idiot? Although I suppose he's got years of experience.
As opposed to going after Piton with a carrot
That didn't go in very far
Don't stop! Run!
Was Nigel Terry in 'The Lion In Winter'? Yes, he was one of the few people who wasn't sleeping with Phillip of France
I want to know which Formula One driver

Avenging Angel (92122)

He's had some dental work done between here and 'Eastenders'
So he's a loon to begin with, then he becomes immortal and even more loon-like?
That should be Duncan's first clue this guy isn't playing with a full deck of cards.
"Ugly, short and poor" she's taking Richie to meet her friend?
I always wonder just how finely balanced those bodies must be that just one touch topples them over like that
He wants his lounge painted?
In that robe she's three-quarters of the way there already
She was very nice thank you, how kind of you to ask
Could you just cut and paste my rant from 'Billy' please, because I'm not going to say it again. How about I link to it instead? Here
Wonderful euphemism, puts 'Changing Rooms' in a whole new light.
Someone's discovered he's taped over his Buffy episodes...
I love all the people just completely ignoring him on the street
So if you fail as an interior decorator then prostitution's your only option? I mean couldn't she learn to type or something?
Strange thing to say, but his acting doesn't seem at all over the top. You can really believe he's a quivering loon can't you?
Men don't kick other men in the balls very often do they?
Ask yourself what you're most bothered by, being chased by a lunatic immortal, or being pursued round Paris by a member of Spandau Ballet (and which would you run fastest from)?
Yes, but there's no help for this guy.
That's it, run towards the sound of someone being murdered by a lunatic
Oh no, that's not going to scar that child for life at all
She has a gun, she can take all the shots she wants.
Never actually tried to hop into a car, because I'm thinking, ow.
"Cleansed," toned, moisturised... Clinique have got some really aggressive skin-care specialists these days
Has Tessa ever considered a career as a Police sketch artist?
Knights Templars- the original conspiracy theorists. You can guarantee, every time you pick up a book about codes, or hidden knowledge, or the Holy Grail (if you pick up books like that of course, you may have naturally much better taste in literature than I do) you will find at least half of all conspiracy theories blamed originally on the Templars or the Rosicrucians, which are (possibly, allegedly) a continuation of the same order. 'Highlander' in particular is absolutely packed full of Rosicrucian (Rose and Cross) symbolism, 'Legacy' and 'One Minute To Midnight' being the most prominent. The best book to read about the Templars is a (technically fictional, but full of factual information) novel by Umberto Eco called 'Foucault's Pendulum', beware though, it is very convincing, and will have you completely paranoid at the slightest things ("oh my god, it's a blue bottle!" as Tobin so aptly put it). People successfully completing an Umberto Eco novel can apply to the webmistress for an Umberto Eco award, bronze for the first completed book, silver for the second and so on. Special awards for people who've read his non-fiction! Oh and if anyone has 'Travels With A Salmon' then they need to tell me immediately as I'm desperate to read it. Well, that was long and slightly off the point. Never mind
We all know by now, that as the Templars were excommunicated, the site no longer counts as Holy Ground, so does ground actually have to be made unholy (that's not the right word is it...) or is just falling out of common use enough?
"Couldn't kill me." Oh really? Watch this...

Nowhere To Run (92125)

That's just what she needs right now, to be roughly shaken about by her father after being raped by her boyfriend.
"Should I be jealous?" Yes, absolutely
Ha! Sorry, that's a dreadful American accent. It's an horrific accent, very consistent, but terrifying
This is like when families have two six year olds and expect them to play together
"Better legs" more of them for a start
Were they just having really bad luck with the weather? It's not like the mist is metaphorical or anything.
Through him, like the Blea Moor Tunnel. Sorry, railway metaphor pretty much lost on most of you there. Thank God.
And he was such a sweetheart in 'Casualty'. Didn't they drop a ceiling on him? A whole building in fact, and they never, ever told us what happened to him afterwards
MacLeod's like Lancelot, the more he gallops, the further away he seems
That's some pretty stable Virginia creeper they've got there
And they're so close to the jeep, so they run back through the field of fire away from their only means of escape
How does he know the fog's going to settle and not disperse? Because he can see the guy with the smoke machine?
They don't have a gun but they have a man-trap?
I love the way Mac kicks the guy into a hamper. That's a bit Mary Poppins isn't it?
No, because now they know you're there...
The word was 'honour' in case you couldn't quite decipher the accent then
Do you want me to cut and paste the 'Billy' rant again? YES!
Oh yeah, just a little bit of parental guilt tripping there
The man's a career soldier, you get used to the death part
"More people are going to die." Gosh, what tipped you off about that one Tessa? The fact that you're surrounded by armed men? Or that one of you oldest crushes is bleeding to death? Or that your boyfriend is going out to fight a single combat where one of them will end up getting his head chopped off?
Lie! Say yes, wait for MacLeod to go away, then go back and finish him off
How the hell are they going to explain this one to the coroner? Well, he raped me, my father hired a gang of armed mercenaries, stormed his house during which five of them were killed then my father and a total stranger tried to fight to the death, the rapist interrupted them and I shot him. What do you think happened...
So immortals are like elephants? What terrified of mice?

The Hunters (92126)

No, it's the milkman.
He's just pleased to see you.
Which King Richard?
Fitz is really there to enlist Duncan's help to take revenge on the hairdresser that gave him that awful perm.
Most of bad guys on 'Highlander' go for German engineering, but sadly there are too many of the hunters to fit in a BMW, and they have to arrive in a Renault Espace
They're just going to let him rot until they've found his killers?
Not the most stylish getaway vehicle is it? No, but practical and fuel efficient.
You'd think a poor peasant like that wouldn't have such an obvious sign of wealth hanging obviously round his neck. Also, not the best way to keep his secret society logo secret
You can see where Mac's fringe is growing out and isn't quite long enough to go back in the ponytail. He's at that awkward Alice band stage and too manly to admit it
They shoot them, and if they get back up again, well, there's your immortal
Is Darius a priest or a monk? A priest I think. Why is he dressed like a monk then? Umm, I didn't think he was a monk because he doesn't have a monastery. Unless he's a roving monk. A peripatetic monk. "I'm sorry Brother Darius is out on loan at the moment..." He was requested by another monastery
Why would an immortal bother with a plaster in the first place?
The poor historic house guides, who whilst perfectly able to tell you who carved the headboard on the bed in the state room, and when they did it, really aren't trained to deal with this kind of thing
Well why did you bloody stick it in him if you're just going to pull it straight out?
How big was the book before most of it was burnt away?
Ancient German mythology maybe?
And that's shocking because immortals are such a new phenomenon Tessa
People wonder about the strangest things.
They drove didn't they.
That kinda sucks on the validation front.
This is where Mac accidentally kills the one guy holding on to the rope. Oops.
I suppose with that hair Fitz actually qualifies as a damsel in distress.
Except possibly the power of this big piece of 2x2
You always want to check the wind direction before doing this